"Fine. Fine! You know what? I give up. I ing give up! You’re happy now? You’re a ing retard. You seriously need to sit down, shut your ing mouth up and think about what exactly you’re trying to accomplish here. Are you satisfied with what you ing caused? Are you? ARE YOU ING HAPPY NOW? Well I hope you are. Cuz I’m not. It hurt me, it ing hurt me Jong In! You understand what I said? Or are you just too concentrate on your little broken heart to care about your friends? We're all in pain, Kai. But you can't even see it! You became ing blind! Blind to the point where you don't care about us anymore! I hope you're happy. I hope you're ing happy with everything you've done. Because I'm not."

 

-----

 

It’s a saturday night.

 

Well it isn’t a normal saturday night. It’s more what couples call Valentine’s day. It’s more what single people call ‘’The day when every couple wanna show they’re all ing happy in love just to get us jealous’’. It’s more what people in love with someone call ‘’The day I wish I had the strengh to ask him/her out’’.

 

Or it’s more what Clary calls ‘’A day I wish I could spend with Kyungsoo’’’.

 

However, it’s with Kai that she finally spends the night, walking along the streets to that park they all like. It began when she tried to call Kyungsoo to ask him if he was free for the day. As she expected, Kyungsoo was busy all day and didn’t have the chance to go somewhere with her. She tried to accept it with a smile, even though it hurt her more than she thought. So came that phonecall from Kai, asking her if she had planned something for that special day. Not that he finds that day so special. Or maybe he does, since he could have the chance to spend it with her.

 

She gladly accepted his offer, saying it would be good to go outside and have some fun instead of thinking over and over again about her miserable love life. Maybe she was just overreacting about it, but she can’t help it. Valentine’s day means a lot to her, and not having the chance to spend it with Kyungsoo kinda brought her mood down.

 

As soon as she said yes, Kai smiled brightly like an idiot and after he hung up, a loud ‘’ YEAH!’’ could be hear in his house. A barely audible ‘’LANGUAGE, JONG IN.’’ soon followed and a ‘’Sorry mom!’’ answered it after.

 

He came at her house at exactly 5pm and opened the car’s door like a gentleman, making her chuckle a bit. They drove to a restaurant, talking about this and that. He was sometimes glancing at her, still amazed by how her smile had this weird effect on him. And it made him more than happy to know he was the reason why she was smiling like that.

 

After the restaurant, they decided to take a walk to the park before going home. They didn’t really want to go home anyway, it wasn’t that cold oustide and Clary had to admit she really liked Kai’s compagny..

 

Now here they are, finally arriving at the said park. They decide to walk to the middle of the park, soon welcomed by the beautiful scenery. Trees everywhere, their bare branches covered with ice and snow. A pond in the middle, half frozen and some benches here and there, some already taken by these cute couples kissing or acting cute together.

 

Clary tries to report her attention somewhere else and smiles as she finally sees a free bench near the frozen pond. She walks to it, followed by Kai. They remove the little amount of snow and sit down, sighing happily at the view. Clary finally breaks the silence between them.

 

"I’ve always liked this place… It seems so relaxing.. so.."

 

"calm."

 

Clary looks at Kai and smile before she looks in front of her again. "It’s just that… this place makes me feel happy, I guess. I’ve always came here when I was young. Playing near the pond, climbing in the trees..." She laughs as the memories come back to her mind. "I guess this place is kinda special for me.."

 

Kai smiles and looks at her. She’s so beautiful. He can’t keep his eyes away from her. The wind blows slowly into her hair, making them floating in the air. He just nods and slowly move his hand up, reaching one of her locks and placing it behind her ear. She looks at him and slightly raises one of her eyebrow. Realizing what he just did, Kai quickly takes back his hand and look down, trying to hide his pinky cheeks.

 

"I-I’m sorry.. It’s just.. You.."

 

He stops talking and looks at her. She is...laughing at him? Kai frowns. "Yah.. Why are you laughing like that? It’s not even funny..." She looks at him and smiles widely.

 

"Yes it is! Hey, it’s ok, don’t worry.. You look cute when you blush."

 

That last sentence is enough to make him turn red even more so he hides his face in his hands. He didn’t expect that comment from her and it gave him that warm feeling inside. He knows really well he doesn’t have any chances with her, but sometimes he just likes to imagine she feels the same way.

 

Clary laughs at his expression and sighs happily, looking at the pond in front of her again.

 

"Thank you for tonight, Kai. Thanks for lifting up my mood.. I really needed it.." She keeps her eyes at the pond as she speaks. Kai looks at her, smiles and stays quiet, not wanting to interrupt her. "I know you know I love him, Kai.. And.. I know what you feel for me.." Kai stiffens at her words and looks down. "..but please don’t think I don’t like you because of that. I really care about you and I’m glad I can have a friend like you… I’m just scared I can’t give you what you really want.. I’m sorry.."

 

She suddenly stops talking and looks down. Kai just stays quiet too, not knowing what to say after that. He knows really well she can’t give him what he really wants, but he also knows she doesn’t have to be sorry about that. After a while, Clary finally speaks again.

 

"Maybe I’m being selfish, but I just hope this won’t stop you from making me smile like that.. because I need it right now."

 

Kai smiles at her words and finally look up at her. He puts his arm around her shoulder and move closer. Fortunatly for him, she doesn’t move back. She even leans her head on his shoulder, making him smile even more.

 

"Don’t worry, Clary. This smile of yours, this is what I want you to give me. This is the only thing I’m asking. And I’m more than happy to know I’m the one who makes you smile. From now on, I promise I’ll make you smile everyday. I’ll do everything I can to see you happy, Clary, even if that means I can’t be the one for you."

 

------

 

Kai sighs heavily and let his head falls on the table.

 

It’s probably the first time since the scene at the hospital that he truly tries to think about what he did. Maybe it wasn’t the good thing to do? No, it probably wasn’t, but he doesn’t want to go back. He doesn’t want to face Kyungsoo again because he knows he’s just going to make him think about Clary again.

 

He finally raises his head and look at Baekhyun’s dining room. Baekhyun, who just emptied his heart on him, who walked away and let him there all by himself.

 

Not really feeling welcomed anymore, Kai decides to stand up and walk to the door. He takes his jacket and walks out of his friend’s house. Or maybe they’re not even friends anymore..

 

Baekhyun was really mad. Actually, Kai never saw him talking like that. But maybe it is because he never wanted to listen to him either. He’s always been a stubborn and he knows that pretty well, so everytime Baekhyun wanted to talk to him about what he did, he became deaf and didn’t want to hear anything.

 

Kai just walk slowly, letting his feet lead him somewhere. He actually doesn’t even know where he is until he spots a park. That park. His lips slowly curve to form a smile as he walks to the park’s main entrance. His steps lead him to the middle of it. The trees are getting fully furnish with leaves and flowers and the pond isn’t frozen anymore, allowing the little kids to chase the frogs or play with the water.

 

Kai smiles at the scene and walks to a free bench near the pond. That bench. He wishes he could just go back to those times when they were all happy. He wishes he hadn’t done anything stupid. Because all this must be his fault, no? If it wasn’t him, if he hadn’t been angry at Kyungsoo, if he hadn’t spoken with Kris, if he hadn’t lost his temper… if he hadn’t met them, all this wouldn’t have happened.

 

Baekhyun’s words must have done something to his mind because he’s more confused than ever. For the first time, he doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t know what to think. Everytime he sees Kyungsoo’s face, he thinks about Clary. He can’t just go see him and tells him he’s sorry, that he didn’t mean what he told him and that he’d like to be his friend again, can he?

 

For now, Kai just closes his eyes and stays there, sitting on that bench and listening to the wind blowing in the leaves. He just hopes the wind could also blow all his thoughts away.

 

But everyone knows there’s no such wind capable of doing so.

 

 

 

Clary looks up at Kai and smiles.

 

"If that's the only thing you're asking, then I promise I'll smile for you every day."

 

Kai chuckles and looks at her in the eyes.

 

"I want to be sure you really mean it, though. I don't want you to smile if you're not happy. I don't want you to hide your true feelings under a fake smile...because real ones fits you the best."

 

 

 

Kai's lips slowly curve into a smile. A real smile. He doesn't know why, but he suddenly feels calm. It's probably the park that has this effect on him... It must be that.

 

Behind him, the wind blowing suddenly makes something appear. A light transparent figure drifting in the wind, her hair floating all around her face. It's like she is part of nature.

 

She looks down at the guy in front of her and smiles. A real smile. And then, as if nothing happened, the wind blows again and she slowly disapears, as quietly as she appeared, bringing with her Kai's concerns, or actually she hopes she does.

 

 

 

Clary leans her head on Kai's shoulder again and chuckes.

 

"Seriously, Kai, you're asking a lot! You want to see me smile or not?"

 

Kai looks at her and frowns. As he sees her amused expression, he rolls his eyes and smiles.

 

"Oh, really? Well all I want is to see you happy. Really happy. Because if you smile but actually don't mean it, that'll mean I didn't hold my promise. And I don't want that to happen. Knowing you're happy is the only way I can be happy too."

 

 

 

Kai opens his eyes again, a smile still glued on his face.

 

"Clary must be happy where she is now. Maybe happier than when she was here."

 

And that is the only thing he needed to convince himself that one day he'll get better. That he'll get over it.

 

One day. Soon, maybe.

 

 

 

--------------------

Author's note

 

Are you even reading this?