Chapter 8

 

So Insane

 

Ooh baby you got me going so insane

And I just don’t know what’s going down

Oh I try to get up my knees

And try to fight, fight this feeling

But I can’t…

 

…I don’t even know what to do.

 

 

-Discovery

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you sure about this, Chae-roo?”

 

 

“Yes, Bommie,”

 

 

“Can’t we just hire a private investigator?  I know a good one,”

 

 

“No, Ssantokki,”

 

 

“But Chae-“

 

 

“No, I can’t wait that long,”

 

 

“I’m hungry,”

 

 

“I’m buying you food later, Bommie, now hush! Jingyo might see us,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 hours ago…

 

 

“Chaerin-ah, I and Bommie have decided that all three of us should go out and have some fun.  We will eat out at our favorite café and then go play games at Pierrot Strike,” Dara said in a very careful tone as I slowly tear my gaze outside my window and look back at my two worried best friends.   

 

 

“Okay…” I answer softly before looking back outside from my bed to see two little birds chirping and hopping at the tree’s branches playfully.   To be honest, none of what Dara had just said registered in my mind.  

 

 

I’m not in the mood to think.

 

 

Outside, the sun is starting to shine brightly.  This Sunday morning weather is warm and it would be lovely to go take those long leisurely walks while eating ice-cream.   What a beautiful morning it would have been if only…

 

 

“Okay then! That’s settled so, it’s time you go take a shower and get ready!” Dara’s voice suddenly rang out through the quiet atmosphere, making the two little birds fly and Bom clutch her chest, sending her warning glares.  

 

 

I then felt Dara touch my arm, trying to pull up my half-dead self out of bed.  I guess I just didn’t feel like budging out from where I was sitting and just wanting to stay like this, looking forlornly into nothing and answering either yes or no to any question.   Actually, sitting like this was already progress.   When Dara and Bom came to my room an hour ago I was lying down like a rock, looking blankly in to space with my eyes all puffy from the senseless tears I had shed all night.    I might as well be a zombie… the prettiest one at that.   

 

 

This time I could feel Bommie holding on to my other arm as they managed to bring me to stand up before dragging me all the way to my bathroom.   After making it through what feels like is the longest walk of my life, I found myself sitting inside my own Jacuzzi bathtub as my two best friends gaze down at me anxiously, probably contemplating what they should do.   But then there isn’t much when my line of sight slowly begins to zone out into nothing once more.  

 

 

Why can’t I just wallow in all my sorrow for today?   

 

 

“We can’t leave her here.  There’s no way she’s going to budge in this state,” Dara’s voice floats in and out of my ears.

 

 

“Then this leaves us with no choice.  You ready?” this time its Bom’s voice, followed by the closing of the door and finally the silence comes.   I guess they probably just gave up on me.   I consider this a good thing.  I just want to be alone and never come out in maybe for a long time--

 

 

Splash!

 

 

“AAH!! YAH! DON’T YOU TWO DA—AH!!”

 

 

So today, my two beloved friends in the whole wide world decided to turn on the cold shower, drenching me mercilessly before getting in the bathtub to scrub me with shampoo and soap like a child.   Believe me, I’ve never felt so violated in my whole life.

 

 

This is… a crime!   It’s not even legal to do this to your friend.

 

 

How could they do this to me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Ah so refreshing, isn’t it?” Dara sighs happily while walking in front of the mirror in a bathrobe, plugging in the blow dryer for her damp hair.

 

 

“And really fun! Reminds me of summer last year,” Bom joins in, walking beside her while also dressed in a bathrobe, rubbing a towel over her wet hair.

 

 

“Oh right! The time when we were fooling around our vacation villa and you slipped in to the pool, you pulled me along with you while I pulled Chaerin along with me.  Thus, we all got wet and caught a flu the next day,” Dara reminisces gleefully before looking at a grumpy looking me through the mirror, sitting with my hair dripping wet all over my bathrobe as I continue to glare at the both of them, arms crossed over my chest from the sofa.

 

 

“Don’t worry she’ll get over it,” I hear Bom whisper towards Dara.

 

 

“Are you sure?  Should we call Bae to do some peaceful yoga exercises again? I swear she’s throwing flaming daggers at us with her eyes.  I feel like my back is burning,” Dara hissed back.

 

 

“Yah!  It’s just the blow dryer, stupid.  Tone down the heat, I could feel it from here,”  Bom complains under her breath, taking a step away from her.

 

 

“Oh…right.  I’m just used to the other one, I guess,”

 

 

I literally slapped my palm in to my forehead while I listened to them in annoyance.  As much as I wanted to hate them for earlier I just couldn’t bring myself to continue on with the rage I try so hard to show until now.

 

 

The definition of a ‘friend’, my dear, is literally someone you can abuse.  Mark my words.

 

 

“If you two think that all is well and forgotten I am very much here to assure that it is not,” I grumbled out loud making them both freeze and slowly turn around with their very innocent and guilty smiles.

 

 

“Look, Chaerinnie we just… wanted you to go out and have fun, to at least forget for even a couple of hours all this… this thing with… Jingyo,” Dara starts to explain softly as Bom nods earnestly in agreement.   I suddenly had the urge to look away.  Mentioning his name suddenly brings really heavy feelings inside my chest.

 

 

Right, Jingyo, the cause of all this heavy feelings.   3 nights ago I had finally come to accept that I have indeed harboured feelings for my personal butler, the one man who could turn my whole world upside down in a blink of an eye and put it right back up at the next.  On this note, at that same night I have also found out that I was nothing more to him but the little girl he was assigned to care and protect, his ‘little sister’ as he likes to call me during his late night phone call with that… unnie.   

 

 

Yes, that unnie, Lee Mi Yeon, the woman whom he likes, possibly even… love.  Sadly, I have tried to think rationally at some point and just by looking at them I could tell how lovely of a couple they would be.  She fits every description of oppa’s ideal type.  She had studied abroad and even gained recognition there meaning that she’s definitely smart.  From her photos in Facebook, yeah I went that far, I could see that she knows how to glamour herself up like those Asian top supermodels and that by itself would surely make any man fall down to her feet to worship her.  Being cute and innocent for her would surely be so easy too.   Besides, even her age was enough proof that she is likely his ultimate choice.  

 

 

To oppa, I’m just Chae-roo, a little girl who loves butterflies and teddy bears, a girl he just needs to watch over simply because… it’s his job.

 

 

“You know what? There are millions of men out there that are even better than Jingyo,” Dara said as I finally tune back in to what they have been saying.

 

 

“Like your uncle Teddy,” Bom blurts out as Dara nudges her.

 

 

“Yah! keep your daydreaming to yourself,”

 

 

“Right, sorry.  Carry on,” Bom apologizes sheepishly as Dara soon continues on.  They were now both sitting at the cushioned sofas around me.

 

 

“Who knows, you might find someone who would notice you and give you their full attention, someone who would love you back,” Dara says in a more asserted tone before Bom adds in her thoughts.

 

 

“Yeah she’s right.  I mean what’s the use moping around after someone who only sees you as a sister?  Let’s just eat, have fun outside rather than spy, plot and destroy that poop unnie’s relationship with your Jingyo bear,”

 

 

Wait a minute…

 

 

“What is it with you and poop?”  Dara groans.

 

 

“I call people I don’t like ‘poop’, okay? It’s better than the ‘S’ word,” Bom defends as I slowly stand up, running a hand through my wet hair.

 

 

Was I… really giving up just like that?

 

 

“That poop librarian, that poop-faced Mr. Popular whom you danced with last Friday, Jingyo’s poop girlfriend…”

 

 

Was I going to just give up my love?  Easily give her…Jingyo?

 

 

“Fine, I get it! I get it! Now, stop before I throw poop at you,” Dara protests as Bom scrunches up her face in disgust.

 

 

“Eew, you disgusting mountain rabbit,”

 

 

“You corn and bread monster,”

 

 

“Oh you did not just—“

 

 

“NO!!” Both Dara and Bom went silent as they looked up at me in shock.  

 

 

You heard it right, that was me yelling out what I finally realized.  How stupid was I to look all depressed over something that may not even happen?   Jingyo and that unnie had once drifted apart, had different relationships and this meeting between them that is to happen this afternoon is still filled with the uncertainty, that maybe the only thing that they could be is friends.   I mean, having your ex-boyfriend as a friend is possible, right?  Some ex-lovers even plan each other’s weddings!   What’s a simple ‘I miss you’ anyway?  You can say that to any of your close friends.

 

 

This can’t be the end. 

 

 

I finally stop messing up my hair as I look back down at Dara and Bom, both their faces filled with confusion and even fear that I may have just lost sanity.   I then gave them my most serious look I could ever muster before I drop the huge question every friend fears to be asked.

 

 

“How much do you love me?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

8 hours later… Present time.

 

 

“Are you sure of this?” Dara asked, for the tenth time since we arrived at the streets of 삼청동 (Samcheong-dong), the exact location where Jingyo and that unnie will be meeting.   

 

 

Seriously?  Of all places, it had to be here, in one of my favorite neighbourhoods! 삼청동is the place where I mostly go to hang out, bought half of my vintage shirts at and simply relax given that it is a peaceful district where art could be seen in every hidden quaint café and shop waiting for you to discover.  It’s actually like walking into an artist’s paradise.  My aunt actually owns a painting gallery here and I even remember that day when I used the excuse to visit her gallery’s opening so I can evade my appa’s company party.

 

 

And since we are already in the topic of remembering every memory that happened in these quiet streets let me tell you about the times when Jingyo would take me here to eat waffles and strawberry ice-cream.  I was nine years old back then and whenever I was upset about something in school or at home Jingyo would immediately take me here to cheer me up.  

 

 

Remember that time when he came back from France a couple of months ago?  I told you he’d take me somewhere for breakfast the next day, well, he did and that French restaurant that we are stalking at this very second is where he took me.   

 

 

Now he is meeting that I’m-so-pretty-it-hurts unnie at the same restaurant.  Great!

 

 

I can see oppa from our little hiding place behind this delivery truck and Youngbae’s car.   He had just met up with that unnie and currently they are sitting at the open area of the restaurant opposite each other with oppa’s back facing us.   As usual that unnie is looking as perfect as a model in a Ceci photo shoot wearing that red Valentino fit-and-flare mini-dress.

 

 

“Uhm Chaerin-ah, what exactly are we supposed to do?” Bom whispers from behind me as I let out a sigh before turning around to face them.

 

 

“We’re doing anti-poop girl plan now,” I say as I signal for nana Hye Mi to give me what we needed.  

 

 

Of course, nana Hye Mi, when it comes to plotting and destroying anyone or anything that tries to dampen my mood she will be more than happy to help.   This funny nana of mine looks around like some secret agent, especially with her sunglasses and cap, before hurrying to my side and giving me a paper bag.  I then dig in and scoop up two pairs of Coco Chanel sunglasses, giving one to Dara and Bom.    

 

 

“Wow, you really are sure of this,” Dara mumbles, even taking her compact mirror to check herself.

 

 

“Well, if we have to go through this hell of a plan then we have to at least do it in style,” I whisper back before looking back at nana Hye Mi through my own sunglasses. 

 

 

“Everything is in position and ready, Miss Chaerin,” she assures me with what looks to be a sinister smile.  

 

 

Nana Hye Mi can be scary, I tell you.

 

 

“Good, now all we have to do is wait,” I say as I take a peek to what Jingyo and that unnie are currently doing.   From the looks of it they are now giving out their orders to the waiter and then chatting away happily once more. 

 

 

A frown starts to etch across my forehead as that Mi Yeon suddenly holds Jingyo oppa’s arm when she gave out a laugh.   Oppa must have said something funny but then even when the jokes seem to have died down her hand never left his arm.

 

 

And since when have their seats gotten even closer to one another?

 

 

At this point, I needed to look away for a couple of seconds, trying to regain my calm and composure.

 

 

Oh I swear that girl is so dead… 

 

 

“Look at how she looks at him, she clearly likes him,” Bom hisses beside me.

 

 

“Oh and do you see that? I think she’s rubbing her foot on his leg from this angle… I just can’t see clearly…” Dara adds in as she tiptoes, stretching her neck a bit to see more.

 

 

No way! How I love to scrunch her up like a paper ball right now.

 

 

“Wait, is she going to kiss his cheek?” Bom asks, her eyes widening as she grabs on to my arm making me wake up from my thoughts of kicking that Mi Yeon’s to the moon.  Without a second to spare, I suddenly grab my phone and spit out my orders.

 

 

To heck with the waiting!

 

 

“Youngbae, now!” I then look at nana Hye Mi as she nods and begins to walk towards the restaurant.   On the other hand, a relaxed looking Youngbae is sitting a couple of tables from Jingyo, wearing a khaki jacket and a black cap covering the upper half of his face while reading some newspaper.  Upon hearing my cue, he then kicks a medium sized container below his feet letting the contents spill out.   

 

 

More than a dozen of little white mice, that’s what it contains.

 

 

The effect is absolutely hilarious as it only takes a second before she suddenly notices the squeaking and scurrying happening under the tables, followed by a shriek from her as Jingyo suddenly stands up checking underneath to find a mice party going on.  By this time that poor unnie is jumping up and down in fright along with some of the customers. 

 

 

He he he.  I love it.

 

 

Just in time, the waiter who was on his way to serve their iced-teas comes out at the commotion and before he knows it he gets pushed really hard from behind by a sly nana Hye Mi, acting like one of the frightened patrons by going around and shrieking like a hyena.

 

 

I could hear Bom’s and Dara’s giggling as a smiling Youngbae finally manages to come to our side.    He may have been so reluctant to join our ‘anti-poop girl plan’ if it wasn’t for Dara’s convincing but then right now he has to admit that what we were doing is just so much exciting and fun.

 

 

Oh here comes the icing to the cake, the staggering waiter carrying the iced-teas finally collides on to Mi Yeon and spills the drinks on her dress.  I got to love the expression on her face that I wished that I had captured that moment and framed it. 

 

 

We were all giggling like crazy when I noticed Jingyo take her by the hand and pull her down the steps safely.  The way she clung to him stopped every laughter in my body, especially when he hurriedly took a clean cloth, soaking it a bit in the water and helping her wipe off the spilled drink from her arms and at the side of her dress.

 

 

“Time to go,” I said coldly, closely eyeing the couple now walking slowly further from the restaurant.   I could sense that Bom, Dara and Youngbae had already gotten the hint as the silence follows.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Look at those flirty gestures,” Dara grumbles at my right as the three of us crouched around behind shrubs and trees at a nearby park.    Youngbae on the other hand is currently positioned as a jogger, exercising leisurely around, probably enjoying this form of exercise for real, while nana Hye Mi is camouflaged somewhere out there.

 

 

“She keeps holding on to his arm whenever she laughs, that sly fox. I mean if you would do that to me I would have shoved you down the ground,” Bom spats out from my left as I continue to bless the whole place with bug spray.

 

      

I want them to stop the unnecessary commentary but then it was as if I just couldn’t accept the things I’ve been seeing.   Whatever plan we had executed earlier just made them closer to each other now that the slight awkwardness they had when they met again for the first time melted away with all the mice. 

 

 

I bet on all my teddy bears that I’m not going to fail this time!

 

 

My eyes follow each move they make as they now sat at a bench where Jingyo continued to help Mi Yeon get rid of the iced-tea stains by buying a bottled water to at least wash off the stickiness.   She, in turn, gave him words of gratitude or whatever sweetness she is trying to swab on him.  Then there goes the occasional ‘skinship’ which I would honestly admit makes my blood boil.    Call it whatever you like but I just feel like every time her skin comes in contact with his it’s like a hammer aiming straight at my chest.  

 

 

“Where’s he going?” Dara suddenly asks as I shift my attention back to them.

 

 

“To get medical attention for his dead arm, I mean all her holding and squeezing caused it,” Bom mutters but then she was obviously wrong because oppa was heading to an ice-cream stall.   By the gesture of his hand, I already knew that he was buying two which meant they were about to go eat dessert and enjoy the peacefulness of the place. 

 

 

I grabbed my phone, dialling a number I’ve called earlier. 

 

 

“Youngbae, now!” I barked out, forgetting that I was in spy mission mode that both Dara and Bom had to clamp their hands on my mouth and bring me down to the ground.

 

 

“Did he just look this way?” Dara hissed, keeping her head down as possible by putting her whole weight on a flailing me.  I couldn’t even see any more due to her long hair all on my face.   It’s a good thing Bom didn’t join in or a squished Chae-roo is what everybody will be mourning about.

 

 

No offence Bommie.

 

 

“Yes but I don’t think he saw anything,” Bommie whispers, peeking ever so carefully among the bushes, her hands still clamping down on my shoulders to keep me in place as she reports that Jingyo oppa is now heading back to Mi Yeon with  two ice-cream cones in hand, sitting next to her and before giving her one.

 

 

Oh my blood pressure… boiling point, boiling point, boiling point!

 

 

I continue to flail around, trying to escape and personally wreak havoc on the little ice-cream date happening over there.   I was craving for ice-cream since this morning and the person I would love to eat ice-cream with is being held hostage by that poop unnie who seems to have turned in to a laughing machine.    I know that Jingyo oppa has the skills to tickle every woman’s funny bone but seriously, if she doesn’t stop laughing she’s going to fart and we are all going to die…

 

 

Stop holding him.

 

 

However, I knew that Youngbae had clearly heard me as I hear giggling little girls in a distance.   If there is one person who knows how to charm kids it would be Youngbae.  He would smile and that would literally make any child trust him.  Because of this, we kept teasing him of being a good father figure.   ‘Papa Bae’ as we would love to call him is a nickname he is extremely shy about that he threatened to deny our access to all cruise ships under his family’s name to shut us up, us meaning I, Bom, Dara, Seungri and Daesung.  Well, it worked since all of us fortunately don’t feel motion sickness or sea sickness and cruising around the world is such a pleasure in our group.

 

 

A couple of yelps suddenly erupt and I knew that the plan was now moving, the three of us carefully peeked from our hide-out to see Mi Yeon covering her face with both her hands as a group of little children, enchanted by Papa Bae’s charms, all armed with big water guns as they run around near them, aiming their new toys at oppa and that currently squealing unnie.   If only I could join in on the spraying, I would have the biggest water gun and spray it right smack at the middle of her face to no end.   

 

 

This is war!

 

 

On the other hand, some water balls flying in an unknown direction come splashing near them.  It was like those baseball machines where the ball comes straight at you, flying fast in one straight direction for you to hit with a bat.

 

 

You got to love those water ball machines Nana Hye Mi has kept for Chae-roo revenge purposes.

 

 

Heck, even Dara and Bom are throwing water bombs at them.  However, in the midst of all the beautiful commotion going on, my phone suddenly vibrates.  I hurriedly answered it but not before frowning at the caller id, annoyed because I didn’t get to throw my own.

 

 

“What is it, dirty rat?” I grumbled as the irritating voice of Seungri replies back.   If my ears weren’t used to his annoying voice they would’ve bled by now.

 

 

“Why is it taking so long for the go signal, grumpy cat?  I’ve already been pissed at, almost stepped on poop and I already smell like one of these… ugh!  Yah, you think this is easy—“

 

 

“Uh hello Chaerin-ah, don’t mind him.   This guy just suddenly called you when I told him that we have to wait a bit longer.  Don’t worry I’ll tie him up,” Daesung cuts him off apologetically with Seungri’s string of profanities audible in the background.  I could only sigh to this, shaking my head a bit.

 

 

“It’s okay Daesung. I was just about to call you anyway.  Now’s the time and if that dirty rat doesn’t cooperate do kick him for me,”  

 

 

I hang up once Daesung agrees before looking back at the beautiful wet scenery but then before I could see whatever it is going on back there, I felt Bom’s hands cover my eyes.

 

 

“W-We don’t think you should see this part Chaerin-ah…”  Dara’s voice whispers as I throw a hundred of ‘what’s’ and ‘why’s’ back at them, struggling to escape their grip on me for the third time today.

 

 

Remember what I told you about the definition of friendship…

 

 

I continue to twist and turn and it was until I tried biting Bom’s hand that she suddenly let’s go.   

 

 

That’s when I saw it.

 

 

Jingyo oppa is embracing that woman tightly to protect her from the water hitting them all around.   The kids finally ran away after a while and I watched as oppa slowly relaxes his tight hold around her, his hands loosely resting around the small of her back, his face worriedly looking at her while she up at him and before anything else could be said they started laughing.  It must be that they just found everything so ridiculous that laughing was the only thing they could do.  

 

 

A frown etches back on my face as I watch her reach for his face, brushing off the strands of his damp hair, her fingers gingerly moving down his temple, pausing on his cheek before stopping right before the side of his lips, her eyes never leaving his.   They stood so close to each other that from our angle it looked as if they were two lovers sweetly enjoying each other’s company.

 

 

My breathing increases, my fists balling up in all the emotions being pent up in my chest as Dara gently places her hand on my shoulder, hoping that it would help calm me down.  However, all those emotions quell down for now as I hear some barking coming their way which means part two of our plan is already getting in motion.    

 

 

Looking like two dog walkers going on about their daily routine, Seungri and Daesung wearing those matching ahjumma sun visors both come up from a curve while leisurely walking about twelve different kinds of dogs, dogs who are well trained to track a person scent and well…

 

 

Attack.

 

 

I watch in amusement as Mi Yeon shrieks while running for her life, having no choice but to part ways with Jingyo who on the other hand, had to deal with the other half of the dogs trying to chase him.

 

 

This is my chance! 

 

 

I stand up as Bommie and Dara gives me nods of encouragement.  I owe them everything.  It isn’t even enough for me to show them in this lifetime how thankful I am that they came in to my life.    I couldn’t ask for better best friends in the world.

 

 

“Go get your man!” Bommie declares with a laugh while Dara ushers me away hurriedly.

 

 

“Fighting Chae-roo!”  were the last words I heard her say before I dash away to where Jingyo oppa went.

 

 

It’s time I finally confess.

 

 

To finally tell him what I really feel.

 

 

I love you.

 

 

It’s now or never. 

 

 

The thoughts racing in my mind and the hard pounding in my chest got my adrenaline rushing as I run down the path walk of this beautiful garden, then heading out to what looks like the parking lot and that’s when I finally gotten a glimpse of Jingyo in a distance.  He seemed to have managed to control those dogs as expected of the very smart Jingyo.   I’ve never been so nervous in my life before.  I don’t even know how to start this confession but Nana Hye Mi told me that I should say whatever it is my heart wants to tell him.   Honestly, it doesn’t matter whether I am not in my best dress or if my hair is flying in every direction right now.  

 

 

I am about to fight for my love.

 

 

“Jingyo op—“

 

 

“Gotcha!” 

 

 

My vision of Jingyo disappears as a pair of long arms wraps around me, putting me to a complete halt.  I could feel someone’s hard chest on my back and a man’s really deep voice ringing in my ears.  The contact left me in alarm especially when my whole world seems to slow down.  I could feel myself being lightly whirled around the other direction by whoever it holding me tightly with the last thing I saw was Jingyo’s form suddenly straightening as he seems to have found Mi Yeon running out from a distance and in to oppa’s arms, I could even tell how hard the impact was as their bodies collided.  

 

 

And it was if that wasn’t enough to break my heart, she kissed him… and he kissed her back, promising each other that they’d never part ever again.   

 

 

After that, that scene slowly disappeared from my line of sight.

 

 

 It felt like all of my opportunity to happiness slipped out of my hands so easily just like water.

 

 

No…no… why?

 

 

“Chaerin,” the same voice called out, softer this time yet in the same deep manner.  I’ve never really heard someone whose voice was that deep, deeper than that new nerdy student Choi Seunghyun’s voice.

 

 

I turn around to finally see who the person was, probably give him a hard whack to the face as well for being the biggest hindrance in the world but then I couldn’t even move a finger as I saw this tall, very handsome man looking down at me with a smile.   He had dark hair, intense dark eyes that could melt all of me, perfectly chiselled jaw and looked like he was dressed for a GQ magazine pictorial.

 

 

I was literally gaping at him, wondering why he did what he did, trying to figure out how he even knew my name and why he is giving me that really gorgeous smile. 

 

 

“Remember me?” he asked, his eyes seemingly searching for any recognition in my own yet all he got was my confused look.

 

 

“It’s me, Soo Hyuk,” he tried once more and I could see the disappointment in his eyes when I spoke.

 

 

“I’m sorry, who… are you?” my face must probably seemed so blank, everything in my body just feels so numb, I couldn’t even feel the ground, my legs feel like they could give way any second now, and my mind was elsewhere.

 

 

Jingyo…

 

 

He lightly shook his head at my question, a smile still plastered on his lips as he placed both his hands on my shoulders.

 

 

“I’m Lee Soo Hyuk, your boyfriend and I believe you still owe me an ice-cream date,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 I don’t know how I got home.

 

 

Everything feels like a mess.  After I saw Soo Hyuk, whom I now remember as Mi Yeon’s younger brother who wanted to take me out for ice-cream back when I was nine, I hurriedly gave him my number which he directly asked and made him promise not to tell anyone that he saw me before I ran off leaving him baffled at my actions.  Apparently, his sister called him to bring her some clean clothes but I really don’t care anymore.  

 

 

Between all the tears that blurred my eyes I have managed to hail a taxi which safely brought me back home.  Being in a mess, the kind middle-aged driver had to rub my back gently as I cried hard at the back seat, hugging my knees as I sob uncontrollably, unable to get out of the car or even reach for my wallet to pay for the taxi fare.

 

 

Maybe in a few years I would look back to this day and laugh at everything I may have did today, all childish and immature, or probably even the conversation with that taxi driver ahjusshi, Mr. Yang…

 

 

“Ahjusshi, why did I have to be born so late in this world?  Why couldn’t I have just been born a couple years earlier?  Why?” I wept out loud as the ahjusshi sighs for the thousandth time.

 

 

“Maybe because you were destined for better things, things that are yet to come,”

 

 

“But it hurts so much.  Jingyo is never going to look at me as a woman,”

 

 

“Aigoo this child, that’s because you are only 16 years old and you are clearly not a woman yet.”

 

 

“Ahjusshi! You’re not helping!” I wailed, looking at him with my puffy eyes and tear stained cheeks which probably scared him for a moment before he sighed heavily again, he gives me a nod of understanding while patting my back lightly. 

 

 

“I knew it… I knew that it was impossible… right from the very start, I already knew what I was to him but I didn’t want to give up.  I didn’t want to give him up… without telling him what I felt… that I love him…so much.  I just wanted to hang on to the small speck of hope…and maybe, just maybe… I could be wrong.” I say in between sobs.

 

 

“Child, someday you’ll look back on this day and smile because by then you would know how it feels to have loved and lost, to realize that there are things that just aren’t meant for you and because of that you will be thankful for this moment, the moment that has taught you to be strong… and it will serve as a lesson, rather painfully yet still a valuable lesson that the world doesn’t stop from here.   All this is just part of life.  By then as you smile and look back to this day you would have known that this kind of pain is something that you can overcome… and maybe by then you would have learned to bravely love again because everybody deserves to love and be loved.  Your life has just begun,”

 

 

“Ahjusshi…” I wept, hugging him tightly. “You are so brilliant… you can be a good therapist… I would hire you… Money is not a problem…” I sobbed loudly.

 

 

“Child… your snot is running down my shirt...yah…”

 

 

Tonight as I sit down on the floor with my back against the edge of my bed, the darkness covering me like a blanket as I kept thinking and re-thinking of everything that I have done and what I’m supposed to do next, but then here I am still stuck not really knowing exactly what to do.   These kinds of things look so easy to overcome in dramas and movies where you could yell out to the main actress on how blind she is to the truth or something but in reality life is the big screen and you are that clueless main actress who seems to be carrying the weight of the world, not knowing what the future has in store for you.

 

 

Out of the silence, my heart suddenly jumps as a knock resounds outside my door.   I look up, quickly picking myself up from the floor and crawling up on the bed like I did earlier when my omma came in an hour ago.  I guess I just didn’t want either my appa or my omma to walk in on me looking like I was mourning for someone.  

 

 

I can’t exactly tell them that my clueless butler broke my heart.

 

 

“Come in,” I say in what I hope sounds like the usual me.  I quickly tuck myself in the covers, hoping to send the ‘I’m-going-to-sleep-now-so-don’t-talk-to-me’ vibe to whoever it is.   Yet as I look at the door opening my heart clenches painfully inside my chest again as I see who the person was.

 

 

“Chae-roo,”

 

 

“Jingyo…”

 

 

And there he is, looking insanely handsome in that butler suit as he starts walking towards me, stopping as he reaches my bedside while I pray that he doesn’t realize what I had done earlier or how depressed I really was feeling.

 

 

“I came to check up on you, princess,” he says before sitting by my bed while I sit up, leaning on the headboard of my bed, putting distance between me and him.

 

 

“I’m fine, you don’t really have to.  You’re ruining my beauty sleep right now,” I say jokingly, trying hard to look cheerful, wishing that the room could get any darker to hide whatever truth he could trace on my face.

 

 

However, we’re talking about Jingyo and there’s really nothing I can hide from him, except for one thing which I’m sure he’d never guess what…

 

 

“Chae-roo… you know that happy thing you’re trying to put up is no use at all in front of me and my psychic powers,” Jingyo breathes out as I sigh dejectedly. 

 

 

“You haven’t left your room yesterday and nana Hye Mi tells me that it is no different today as well.  You barely touched your food and your mother is getting worried,” he points out as I look down.   

 

 

“Oppa… it’s just hard to explain,” I begin as he reaches out to touch my hand.

 

 

“You know you can tell me anything, right?” he urges on in that warm tone that always makes me give in to everything he says.   So, before I make the foolish mistake of ruining whatever I have left with him I went for the one thing that he would never question.

 

 

“I… I’m on my period,” I blurt out, not really knowing how I suddenly came up with what probably is the most brilliant excuse women use to get away with anything.    I could see oppa’s surprised face as he seemed to be wracking his brain for his limited knowledge on that area followed by the light embarrassment he must be feeling right now.  

 

 

I guess butler studies forgot to teach them about stuff like that.

 

 

“Oh… d-does your tummy hurt?  Should I call nana Hye Mi?”

 

 

Yup, just as I thought, oppa was no different from all the men who suddenly become faced with these kinds of feminine issues.

 

 

“No need.  I just… have mood swings and a very very huge pimple growing on the side of my face due to raging hormones so I love to hide in my room, here in the dark, because I am very unattractive right now,”

 

 

So, there it was, me trying to top it off with teenage insecurity issues, a blanket  covering half my face so he wouldn’t see how swollen my eyes have become.  After that insane excuse all I heard was silence…

 

 

…and then laughter, Jingyo’s very infectious laughter which reminded me of the time when I told him that I would be his best girlfriend.

 

 

“Don’t do that again, princess,” oppa managed to say after his laughter finally died down, wiping the joyful tears at the side of his eyes.

 

 

 “Do what, oppa?” I ask, relieved to hear him laugh.

 

 

“Make me worry about you for two days straight and not see or talk to me at all,” oppa says sincerely, squeezing my hand tight before taking a small box in his pocket using his free hand.   Carefully opening it while I remain in the warm feeling from the effect of his words, he took out what looked to be some sort of white, swirly thing with something red on the side…

 

 

Ice-cream…with strawberry?

 

 

“I was walking at 삼청동 this afternoon, thinking of you and what could be bothering you for the past two days… when I saw this in one of the shops I passed by.  It reminded me of you and thought that perhaps, it could make you smile… even for just a short while,” Jingyo says before taking my hand and slipping a beautiful ring on my middle finger, it was designed as a vanilla ice-cream with a small strawberry stuck on it along with tiny crystals.

 

 

I look at it closely, a small smile tugging at the side of my lips yet I could feel a new batch of tears dangerously starting to spill from both my eyes.

 

 

So, before I could wail and bawl out I hugged him as tightly as I could, crying silently in his warm arms, holding me just as tight that I could only wish he’d never let me go.

 

 

“Do you like it?” Jingyo gently asks as I nod eagerly, mumbling a ‘thank you’.

 

 

“Then you shouldn’t be crying,”

 

 

“Shut up, I’m on my period, I am an emotional wreck right now…and I missed you,” I mumbled, sniffing and crying freely on his chest.  After a while I could feel him smiling as his lips curve up near my temple.

 

 

“I missed you more, Chae-roo,” he whispered, putting a hand softly at the back of my head to position me more comfortably in his tight embrace, wrapping the blanket around us.

 

 

I slept in his arms.

 

 

That’s all it took to make all the pain go away…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chae-roo’s Note

I lied to him today, the one person I can and must never lie to.  It was the very first lie that I said and I got away with it.  I just had to make it work, he had to believe me.  You are probably asking’ why?’  Then I’d simply answer you this…

 

Because I’d rather lie to him every day than lose him forever.

 

 

-Chae-roo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A.N.:

 

I believe that my158 pretty readers are starting on a love-hate relationship with this fic.

 

This is the "Jia love-hate disease".  

 

The symptoms are laughing, smiling like a fool at first, getting tickled by sweet  funny things then it SUDDENLY drops down in to disbelief, sadness and then anger.... AND just when it was getting depressing it jumps right back in to something really warm and lovely.... there is no other cure but to read again. 

 

And if you'd love to rant on about that and the story of this insane fic then please do write all that in the little comment box below.

 

THANK YOU TO THE NEW SUBSCRIBERS AND LAST WEEKS VALUABLE COMMENTS.  

 

Thank you also to the countries and people donating/praying/helping the Philippines in this time of grief.  

 

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Have a happy Monday.