Chapter 15

 

Here I Am

 

 

 

 

 

 

Paris, France

 

 

Friday.

 

 

“Yes, appa, I’ll go tell uncle,”

 

 

“Yes, I’ll do that,”

 

 

“Hi omma, yes, I won’t forget, I will~”

 

 

“Right, must always stick with Jingyo, got it,”

 

 

I ended the call, somehow slowly missing my parents as I smile lightly while I check on the messages they’ve sent, all about reminders on taking care, eating healthy, to not go out by myself and a bunch of other things regarding my own safety,  typical of them but still endearing.   I look up as Jingyo walks back to me from the concierge.   His confident strides, well ironed suit and styled up hair has women giving him long interested looks, as usual.

 

 

Well, that man is smiling at me.

 

 

“I’ve contacted the hotel to reserve us the VVIP suite and the car is now ready outside.  Do you want to go to the hotel or eat first?” he asks with an eager look on his face as he takes my hand bag and phone, carrying it while I hook my hand around his arm.  We walk slowly towards the exit as I glance around.

 

 

And here comes the envious looks.  Sorry, girls…

 

 

“I know a beautiful place where there is delicious food and the perfect ambiance I am sure you’d like.  I really can’t wait to tour you around Paris, Chaerin,” oppa says, glancing back at me, his trademark y smirk forming back on his face.

 

 

…this man works for me and me exclusively.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Bommie is so going to love this,” I laughingly said while I look at the plate of bread laid out on our table.   The view was perfect and the table we ate at had given us the right amount of privacy we need.  I haven’t even spent a day here in I can already find myself getting a house and working here.  Plus, every corner of this country just screams romantic and for hopeless romantics like I secretly am this is paradise.  It’s not even helping that the French language sounds y.

 

 

“Yes she will but I also know that this next one is what you are going to love,” Jingyo says, grinning at me before a waiter comes to serve me my dishes.   Every course made my eyes widen and unconsciously gulp.  

 

 

Then dessert comes and whatever chocolate-y thing they placed there has made me think of butterflies and red roses.  Oppa could only chuckle at my speechless reaction, highly amused at the effect it’s doing to me.

 

 

“Let’s stay here forever,” I half-joked as I looked at him in whatever genuine reaction I have whenever I get speechless.   His light laughter rings in my ears before he gives me this look I can’t read.

 

 

“That sounds perfect, let’s do that,” he says in rather a softer tone, his eyes following mine.  That same silence we had during our stay in Singapore starts to hang in the air.  The intense connection breaks however, as the manager pays us a short visit to give us exclusive VIP compliments from the restaurant and asks us if there is anything else we needed.  We both smiled and thanked him, telling him there is nothing else we needed.

 

 

The rest of our time in the restaurant goes on smoothly with the conversation flowing smoothly and delicious food gradually diminishing in our plates.   Jingyo looks livelier here and I can’t be happier with how excited he gets whenever he speaks of the places here where he would like to take me to, the experiences he went through and the nice people he met during his long stay here.

 

 

“And since it is Friday today, I am expecting that you keep your word, my queen,” oppa suddenly says as we walk out of the restaurant.  I stop, looking at him, my head tilting to the side as I try to remember any promises I made.

 

 

“What did I…?” I began, trailing off and still feeling lost while he gives a groan at my confused face.

 

 

“Chaerin, I can’t believe how cold you are.  You certainly are the Heartbreaker they say you are,” Jingyo sighs exaggeratedly, clutching his chest in a dramatic manner signifying a broken heart while shaking his head.

 

 

“O-Oppa…I--” I start, clutching his arm when he continues his playful drama by turning away from me.

 

 

“You hurt me so much.   You really are One Of A Kind.  Where did my kind-hearted little Butterfly Chae-roo go?  Maybe all butlers should start a Coup ‘D’état with this emotional abuse, we must all learn to put our Cray On and protest!”

 

 

“Oppa, are you rapping?” I let out a laugh, hugging him from behind before he could take any more step further.  He mumbles more incoherent words although I still could hear the audible “It hurts” “We the leaders”, “We Ride or Die”  “You and me against the world”.      

 

 

I shake my head in disbelief, tightening my hug on him since he keeps trying to break away and dramatically sigh.   Jingyo smells good.    It’s nothing new, though.   Now before somebody says that I keep saying this just because oppa is my favorite person, I have to clarify that every perfume collection he has smells good because half of his collection comes from me.  Furthermore, those aren’t gifts given on special occasions.   I have this habit when I go shopping with him that whenever I chance upon a scent from the men’s perfume that attracts me a lot, I immediately have it for him.   He may have found it confusing at first that I suddenly go buying an expensive bottle for him.  I could remember the countless times he had tried to convince me that his other twenty or so perfumes aren’t even empty yet but now, he just has his sleeves rolled up, ready for me to grab on to his wrist and spray away. 

 

 

I-I… am not being a cat… and go around marking my territory…  I swear.  I… I just like that scent…  

 

 

“Oh right!  You asked me to go have fun with you today!” I suddenly blurt out, remembering the exact moment when I gave my ‘okay’ after a very tiring day.

 

 

Jingyo stops mumbling and finally stands still in my arms.  That’s when I slowly began to realize the position we are in, my arms quickly fall back to my sides, straightening myself as I look at his broad back still facing me.  I began to tug on his sleeve, peeking to see the side of his face completely emotionless.

 

 

“Jingyo,” I call out to him, trying it again on a sweeter tone while tugging on his sleeve lightly.  Yet he wasn’t even paying attention to me.

 

 

Great, now he is giving me the silent treatment.

 

 

“Oppa, look, I’m sorry I forgot.  I know how important scheduled plans are for you.  All this business stuff is making my brain forgetful.” I explain but then he suddenly starts… walking away.

 

 

“O-Oppa?”  I glance over at the waiting car in front of me then back at Jingyo’s growing distance from me.   Without any second thoughts, I turn to the driver who was now holding the car door open.

 

 

“Drive back to the hotel.  We will be taking a… a short walk,” I say in English before hurrying off towards my very dramatic butler.  I managed to catch up shortly behind him.  He still is ignoring me so I quietly follow behind him, copying his footsteps.  He has now slung his overcoat over his shoulder while his other hand tucked in his pocket, looking like a free-spirited guy strolling out on a fine day.  That’s just it, a guy who seems to be flying solo and not caring about anything else or who he is with.

 

 

Isn’t he afraid that I’ll fire him?  Well… not like I would want to…

 

 

I inhale deeply as I continue on walking behind him.  My eyes would wander to every art and architecture of this lovely city.  There was so many to do and try but then for fear of getting lost I could only follow this weird oppa who still wouldn’t forgive me based on the silence he is giving me.  I was even starting to feel a little down with the way things progressed.  One moment we were enjoying delicious food and good conversation then he is giving me the silent treatment the next. 

 

 

Why did I have to be such a grandma and forget about Friday?

 

 

I then noticed that we were heading in to a building, there seemed to be a gallery inside.  I took hold of a flyer upon entering and learned that two famous local artists were displaying their work here.  Their theme was, First Love.   This got my interest as I began to look around, finding paintings and sculptures all of which depicted the bittersweet moments of one’s first love and the feelings accompanied with it.

 

 

This is all somehow… relatable.

 

 

The paintings are beautiful, each one with a deeper meaning and story.  There was the not-so-perfect first meeting, the clumsy first date, the first… kiss

 

 

I stop for a while, staring at the lovely painting of two young lovers, lying down, facing each other, the girl lovingly touching the boy’s face as their faces linger closely, lips almost touching in what would seem like an innocent kiss.

 

 

The image grips me for a few moments, bringing me back to one warm Monday morning two years ago where I sealed my own lips to the sleeping man next to me for the very first time, the man I have loved secretly.  The memory felt so fresh as if it just happened yesterday that I had to take one deep breath and slowly tear my gaze off the canvas hanging on the wall.  I felt my chest constrict, my heart starting to beat fast.

 

 

This is… weird.

 

 

I look around, finding Jingyo observing an artwork at the other side so I shake off the strange effect that painting had on me and walk towards him.  I stop next to him, noticing him look intently at the painting in front of him.  My eyes travel up to his current object of interest and that’s when I see a huge canvass filled with dark colors, a total opposite of the bright and sunny one I was just looking at a few seconds ago.   I stare at the label and that’s when it hits me.

 

 

The first heart ache.

 

 

The sadness, the tears, the feeling of coldness, loneliness, the piercing pain, all of those in one heartbreaking image, the separation of lovers.  The painting symbolizes two hearts slowly drifting apart and before I could even think of anything else the pit of my stomach stirs, the constricting of my chest happens again and the images of one painful afternoon two years ago at a lonely parking lot dance around my mind tauntingly. 

 

 

I don’t feel good… what’s happening to me?

 

 

My legs felt weak as I back away from that painting, feeling the need of some fresh air.  I was thankful that Jingyo has somehow decided to walk outside as well.  Following behind, I welcome the outdoor scenery eagerly and bought a water bottle from a small dessert booth at a corner when he stops to get busy with his phone.  I gulp down the water, shaking my head a bit as I decide that it was best to forget all those weird thoughts earlier.   I was in the middle of trying to think of fresh happy thoughts when a song being strummed by a lone Asian-looking musician sitting next to the food booth interrupts my new found peace.

 

 

I just need to stop over thinking and remembering things that I shouldn’t be lingering--

 

 

 

 

Here I am, playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me…

 

 

 

 

He sings loudly with all passion but then as he looks up, he finds me giving him a judging look which in turn makes him suddenly lowers his voice down as if he was singing to a sleeping baby.  He dips his head down, his hat hiding half his face and that was the last I saw before walking off to follow Jingyo’s lead.   

 

 

Of all the songs in this universe…

 

 

We walked pass more streets, the beautiful trees lining up and giving us shade as we pass by reminding me of the streets of Samcheong-dong where Jingyo and I used to spend our little ‘dates’ whenever my classes end.   Those were simple moments I would cherish forever.

 

 

I look at the direction of where we were going, seeing that the people were starting to lessen as we slowly leave the bustling streets.  We seem to be heading to what looked like a private property, lush green all over the place with quiet path ways leading around the grounds.  There were a few people, probably tourists, walking around and admiring the place which suggests that this property is open to the public.   Somebody historically famous must have lived here before.  

 

 

Jingyo is now walking calmer and slower, as if waiting for me to catch up to him.  The distance lessens between us now as we head somewhere around the back of the beautiful huge mansion.  I could see a few tourists taking pictures around the massive house but never inside.  I guess, only the grounds were for public viewing.   Nevertheless, it was a good walk.   There were trees lining all around the place and soon I noticed sculptures placed around strategically this huge garden or rather, a park, at least for me it seems like it.  

 

 

This garden is starting to look like a maze with the many twists and turns but then however confusing it gets, I’d find us being in a romantic spot, romantic meaning a beautiful fountain, a bench under a giant weeping willow,  sculptures of lovers playing around the garden and more sculptures of lovers who are not really… playing around anymore.

 

 

What is with this place and kissing?

 

 

Don’t even get me started with the number of real lovers doing what… lovers usually do.   I’m pretty sure my face was blushing under this environment and was immensely thankful to the heavens that a silent Jingyo was walking in front of me.  I do not want to be teased about all those lovey-dovey stuff or suddenly get interrogated about my relationship with Soo Hyuk.   So far, oppa hasn’t brought it up again ever since that one time in Singapore and I just hope that he bumps his head and acquires selective memory loss to erase that one topic out of his mind forever.

 

 

I don’t know why I don’t want to talk about that stuff with him.  I guess, I’m just uncomfortable about him finding out about that little incident back in New York, a secret which I really don’t plan on telling him.  He doesn’t really kiss and tell so why should I, right?  How can I just tell him that Soo Hyuk kissed me?   Knowing him as the second most over-protective person in my life, first being my appa, I’m sure he just won’t let it slide and immediately tell my appa about it.   Those two never go easy on the men who come bringing flowers, chocolates and teddy bears, especially teddy bears, to my door step.

 

 

I’m never going to get a boyfriend any time soon at this rate.

 

 

I looked up at Jingyo oppa, focusing on the back of his head. 

 

 

He probably took a lot of his girlfriends here and did what those people are doing.

 

 

My eyes quickly scan around, another couple kissing each other without a care in the world near that small bridge.   I really am far from Seoul now.  Couples here are much bolder than our generally conservative society.    Maybe I should take Dara and Youngbae here some time, play cupid with Bommie and get them to confess to each other.   Hopefully, the romantic ways of the French rub on our quiet male friend and drive him to finally make a move.  I just don’t think that him being in the company with the Ji Nah girl he is with these days makes him as happy as I see him with Dara--

 

 

Wait a minute.

 

 

I must have been caught up with my own thoughts that as I look back up front there was no Jingyo.   I look around, my actions getting a bit frantic as the painfully long seconds tick by without any sight of him.  I was starting to panic as I walk around, hoping to see him by the next corner or somewhere.   Panic starts sinking in as I walk in, looking around to find him.

 

 

“Jingyo!”

 

 

I’m lost, oppa is nowhere to be found and adding up to that list is my phone which is with him.  Cold sweat starts breaking out at the back of my neck as I convince myself over and over again that I’m going to bump in to him as soon as I get out of this stupid maze.    I jog down the path walk, turning left then right before heading down a curve, my blood pumping fast as I wondered just how big this garden is.    I’m pretty sure he hasn’t wandered very far.

 

 

As my feet take me further on, visions swim through my mind.  My chest starts to tighten, my heart beating loudly with each step I take.   The familiar feeling surges deep in me as I find myself remembering some time two years ago how fast I ran through another garden back in Seoul, a garden smaller than this.   It was as like I was taken back in time again.   My sixteen year old self running naively like my life depended on it with the sole mission of finally revealing my heart’s true desire.    My legs suddenly weaken as I spot a clearing up ahead, my steps going from a jog to walk until I just stopped.   I breathed in deep and hard knowing that my memory of that day shall leave me shattered in the end.  

 

 

I ran… he was there… and so was she.  Both reunited in each other’s arms.

 

 

I don’t know why I stopped.   I don’t know why I feel so scared to move forward.   Maybe the thought that if I take another step closer I’d find myself back in that lonely parking lot again, finding that it might open something I’ve closed long ago. 

 

 

I don’t want to go back there.   Please don’t make me go back there…

 

 

“That was then, this is now,” I murmur to myself again and again, my feet slowly taking one step after another.

 

 

“You’re better than that now, Chaerin.  You’ve moved passed that first love stage,” I mumble again, trying to feel the confidence I had gained as I built my own elite reputation in the social society.

 

 

“Great, I’m talking to myself now.  I’m losing my mind,” I shake my head, placing my hands on hips and looking up the vast blue sky, exhaling loudly before dropping my hands to the side.  I close my eyes, finding my composure and taking one deep breathe.

 

 

What was all that?  I need to snap out of it!  This long walk has gotten me over-thinking of things I shouldn’t be over-think—

 

 

 

 

 

On my own, I've tried to make the best of it alone
I've done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain
I just can't live without you, I miss everything about you…

 

 

 

 

 

What the heck?

 

 

My eyes slowly opened as a frown starts forming in to my forehead.   Slowly walking out of the garden’s maze, I peek, my head leaning lightly to the left as I look beyond the tall bushes seeing the same street musician singing loudly with all his heart, strumming his guitar just as passionate.   He has camped himself at a corner with his guitar case open for donations. 

 

 

“You again??!”  I blurt out in English as he opened his eyes, singing heartily until he sees my icy glare.  He coughs up his next lines, like he just got choked on his own saliva.  I think he even went pale at the sight of me.  Who wouldn’t, really?  I’m known to kill people with the stare coming from my cat-like eyes.

 

 

He grins sheepishly, like a kid caught by his mother and that’s when my eyes travel to his guitar case, a name scribbled on to the side.   What made me so surprised was that it was written in Hangul.

 

강승윤.

 

 

“Kang Seung… Yoon?” I read before looking back at him, that foolish grin still on his face, making his eyes turn into tiny slits.   However, this turns in to a look of surprise before what seems to be a breath of relief.

 

 

“Wah! A fellow Korean!  It’s nice to see you,” he says excitedly in Korean as my frown starts to grow.

 

 

“Noona, do you want me to sings a nice song for you? Nae mam moreun cheog hadeon niga~
Itgo sipeotdeon niga~ Akka naje naega—”  

 

 

“No,”

 

 

“You don’t like that song, noona?  I composed that myself!  Never mind, I have another one for you… When you feel like there is no way out… love… is the only way…” he says in a dreamy tone, his hand outstretched like he was reaching for something so far with his face falling in to a sad act of longing.   I was about to raise my hands up and decline that he continue further but then his sudden outburst scared the hell out of me, making me yelp a bit.

 

 

 “I LOVE YOU EVERYDAY!  DON’T GET AWAY! TAKE ME AWAY!  I LOVE YOU EVERY DAY! IN EVERY WAY! Neol saranghae~!  Wae ireon nae mameul ajik mollaaaa~,”

 

 

“No!”

 

 

“Why, noona? That was a good song.  Ah! This one I’m sure you’ll like,” and before I could stop him there he goes again…

 

 

“Isanghage kkeuteul jal ara geuraeseo nan seulpeo~ tto seulpeo~ When I look at you~ when I look at you~ Majimak ne moseu~bi boyeo~ yeojeonhi neon yeppeo~ tto yeppeo~ …When I look at you~ when I look at you~ This might be the last time we say goodbye…” he pauses and when I open my mouth to speak I suddenly jump a bit, clutching my chest as he suddenly sings loudly again, this time altering his voice into a very deep one.

 

 

“LOOK  INTO YOUR EYES LET IT RAIN~ LET IT RAIN~  LOOK UP AT THE SKY LET IT RAIN~ LET IT RAIN~  Bi naerineun windooow!! …WASH AWAY THE PAIN LET IT RAIN~ LET IT RAIN~ Bi naerineun windooow!!!”

 

 

“Stop! Stop! No! Especially not that song!” I protest, holding my head and massaging it from the incoming headache.  So, I decided that before he could even continue any more of his craziness I fish in my pocket a handful of French bills and dump it all in his guitar case.  His eyes grew big at the amount I am putting in, his mouth hanging wide open before looking back at me in awe.

 

 

“You will never, heard that? NEVER…sing anymore of those sad, heartbreaking songs most especially whenever I am around,” I told him in a scary tone as he gulped at the silent threats I keep shooting at him with my eyes.

 

 

“B-But n-noona the first song was a little unrequited but then it gets better in the end—“

 

 

“Quiet,” he whimpers a bit at my word, covering his mouth with both his hands obediently.

 

 

I finally lean back, away from him as he gives out more breaths of sheer relief, his eyes landing back to the number of bills I dumped on his guitar case.  He immediately closes it with shaking hands, looking around anxiously, afraid that somebody might rob him of the wealth he has suddenly acquired.  I shake my head at the sight of him before looking around, wondering what to do next when the annoying fool calls out to me again.

 

 

“Noona!”

 

 

“What is it now?” I ask irritatingly.

 

 

“I shall give you my best performance as my sincere gratitude for the blessings you have given me,” he says, looking more determined than ever.  He stands up this time, placing his guitar to the side as I let out a groan.

 

 

What the hell is going to do this time??

 

 

“Geurae naneun SSE! aju sanapgae-- YIAOOOOWW! Neo jungdoron nal jeoldae gamdang moht HAE!  Jiltu ddawin noon kkop mAAAnkeumdo moreujyYOWw~ Jeomjaengido nae mamsowWWgeun moht mahtchujyYOWw~” His screeching made me shudder and cringe, I was already starting to back away from this lunatic since tourists were already looking at us weirdly, some were even fascinated so they took their cameras and aimed it at that wild and definitely young Kang Seung Yoon.  However, my attempts to flee are crushed as he makes his way to me with his sassy dance moves.

 

 

No way…Is he doing hopscotch? And what is with the exaggerated pronunciation? 

 

 

“Dangdanghan jijo~ gogwihan poomwi~  Noon ooseumeun gibbon~ nae noonmooreun mugi~ Eh misoneun fire neol aetaewoonikka~  Burn~ You want it? Come and get it now~ Shireumyeon shijipga!” This time he gets even more confident as his moves become bigger and bolder, his face trying to look gangster but failing.  It’ll only be a matter of time before—

 

 

“NaAAn naAAppeun gizibEYYY~ nanaAAn nappeun gizibEYYY~  NaAAn nappeun gizibEYYY~  Where all my bad gals at?” Now he is doing this dance move which by the way, is supposed to look swag but instead it then turns out looking funny.

 

 

“Unnieeee yaaah~  WHOO!! Unnie! Unnie! Unnie! Heyyy~  Unnieeee yaaaah~ WHOO!! Unnie! Unnie! Unnie!  Heyyy~” 

 

 

This is too much.  No, this murder won’t continue any further.  I will not let him ruin such perfection, such masterpiece.   

 

 

“STOP!  THAT’S ENOUGH!”  I almost screamed out, glaring at him as he freezes in mid-dance, not even breathing.  He then automatically straightens up like a soldier, small bullets of sweat appearing on the side of his pale face.  He doesn’t even dare look at me as I step closer.

 

 

“Yah...”

 

 

“N-Noona I—“

 

 

“You’re doing it wrong,”

 

 

“Eh?”

 

 

“It’s supposed to be like this!  Watch carefully, right then left…”

 

 

“Oh… like this?”

 

 

“Yes but bend your body a bit then dig in, dig deep, right then left… your hands must have this flow like you are drying nail polish… and stop exaggerating the pronunciation of words, seriously,”

 

 

“But you sing it that way, noona!”

 

 

“…I do?”

 

 

“Yeah, go sing it,”

 

 

“Na nappeun—Yah! Are playing with me?!”

 

 

“NO! I have respect for you noona. You’re the baddest noona I’ve ever known,”

 

 

“I still like Mino more,”

 

 

“Biased noona!!!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I finally shook off that annoying wild young man after breaking out in to a run and hiding somewhere.  So far, I’m still lost and Jingyo is still missing so I decide to sit down on the only available bench in front of the mansion’s huge courtyard.  It’s actually almost as big as ours.  My feet were already tired and I was starting to contemplate on going back to the hotel and bury myself under a thick blanket.  I’m sure Jingyo would be fine on his own.

 

 

I hate him.

 

 

“Just because I forgot about our Friday date… leaving me behind…” I grumbled to myself.  Somehow, I felt sad.   Being abandoned wasn’t a good feeling at all.  It was one of the things that I am afraid of.

 

 

What if Jingyo decides to have a family and retire?

 

I knew it was ridiculous thinking of the ‘what ifs’ at this point in my life but I can’t help it when the idea suddenly pops in.   So, whenever it happens my omma’s words come back to me. 

 

 

She tells me that whenever that certain fear creeps in to your thoughts that’s the time when you would know how important that person is to you.

 

 

He is very important to me.

 

 

I let in a shaky breath, blinking rapidly to fight back the sting in my eyes as that thought intensifies.  It isn’t even helping when I am now all alone. 

 

 

 I have all this wealth yet no money… can buy what he and I have.

 

 

Figuring that this place will bring nothing but more tears I finally stand up before I could bawl out and wail but then I suddenly stop in my tracks, surprised when a violinist blocks my path, the cry of the violin he is playing breaking through the quiet place.   Taking a few awkward steps back I whirl around only to be blocked by another violinist, the two violins now singing together in harmony.

 

 

What is with me and musicians?  Is this a sign that I should pick up a tambourine and join them?

 

 

I didn’t even know how to react with all this and again this is all garnering attention from passersby.  Starting to get a little embarrassed and wanting to avoid attention I started walking off to another direction yet there it was again, this time a guitarist blocks my path.  Another violinist pops out of nowhere and I could only smile awkwardly at the band playing around me.  They all had the similar outfits, the black and white ensemble I always see musicians wearing although this troupe decides to be romantic and bite on long stemmed roses in between their lips.

 

 

I shake my head in disbelief, a smile still on my face.  It was clear that they chose to bug on the lonely girl so appreciating the beautiful performance wouldn’t hurt, right?  I just hope this isn’t some prank reality series though.  The last thing I want is my face up on everyone’s television screen, looking lost and awkward.

 

 

I just hope this doesn’t turn in to a musical.

 

 

I was now swaying my head a bit when I could see their eyes lighting up to the direction behind me.  Praying that somebody doesn’t break out in to a song and dance theatrically around me, I turn around to see… red roses and heart shaped chocolates? 

 

 

Looking pass the beautifully bundled roses, Jingyo’s smiling eyes look at me.  And even though half of his face was covered by the flowers and chocolates I am sure his lips are forming a playful smirk.

 

 

You got to be kidding me.

 

 

“I… hate you!” I say jokingly, hitting him with my bag as he pulls me to him, hugging me tight, his chuckles echoing in my ears.

 

 

“Missed me?”

 

 

“Not even a second.  How dare you abandon me back there,” I grumbled while he lets out another laugh.  However, my actions betray my true feelings as I hugged him back tightly, hands clutching a lump of his shirt, head buried on the crook of his neck with my eyes shut tight, relief flooding in like water gushing out of a broken dam.

 

 

“Well, you ruined my perfect Friday preparations back at Singapore by suddenly dragging me here in France so I had to improvise,” he says softly and I could only slowly forget about the incident earlier.

 

 

“You… still mad at me for forgetting about it?” I ask, finally opening my eyes.

 

 

“I can’t stay mad at you for long, Chaerin,” I smile at that, a warm feeling spreading around my chest.  I loosen my hug and look at him, finally noticing the red roses and chocolates he was holding.  The music was still playing behind us with a very sweet melody and a small crowd is slowly growing around us.   They must be thinking that this is some sweet proposal or something.   Thinking about it only makes my cheeks heat up for reasons that I just don’t want to over-think.

 

 

“Does it really have to be this…”I trail off not really knowing how to call it as I motion to the musicians who must have been related to the Kwon family because of the meaningful smiles on their faces.  It wasn’t that grand, I mean there has to be fireworks and confetti flying up from the sky for this to be called grand.

 

 

“Plus, my birthday has already passed,” I finished although, I have to admit being a little guilty for mentioning about my birthday though.   That was the night he and Mi Yeon broke up.

 

 

I look at him for answers as he smiles in that boyish grin before looking back at me thoughtfully.

 

 

“As you’ve said, you’re birthday has passed and I remember that you didn’t get a chance to… dance with me,” he smiles cockily this time and I could only shake my head at how he placed his words.

 

 

“You mean that YOU didn’t get a chance to dance with me,” I retorted, giving him a look.

 

 

This narcissistic oppa…

 

 

“Here, there are nineteen roses here, you can start choosing one to give to me,” he teases, making me remember how stressed I was to pick a guy to dance with at the last rose, holding up the bouquet in front of me.

 

 

“I did not come up with that idea and if I only knew that those two crazy friends of mine were planning something like that I would have never agreed to it.  Besides, if you didn’t disappear during the last dance then I would have picked you,” I say without even thinking.  When I did realize what I just said after a split second my whole body froze.  My instinct was to change the topic immediately and wish that he wouldn’t think much about it but then—

 

 

“You would have picked me?”

 

 

“I-I…yeah”

 

 

“Between me and Soo Hyuk, you’d choose me??”

 

 

‘I… y-yeah! You’ve been with me since I was born, you’ve taken care of me and… and why wouldn’t I—ah!” I yelped as he suddenly cuts me off by suddenly hugging me tight and lifting me up above the ground, spinning me around happily.

 

 

What has gotten in to him?

 

 

After all my protests of embarrassment and all, my feet finally touch the ground but then he holds my hand pulling me back towards him.  We sway and dance to the music, not even caring about the cameras aimed at us.

 

 

“I still have one surprise and it’s something even more fun.  You ready?” oppa whispers in my ear as I nod eagerly, a million guesses starting to come up in my head.   I watch him give a thumbs-up to the musicians who all smiled with their eyebrows wiggling up and down and gave “okay” signs.

 

 

Could they really be distant relatives of the Kwon family?  I feel the keep-something-from-Chaerin vibe.

 

 

I was about to ask Jingyo about how he got these musicians when I hear one of them shout at us.

 

 

“Mister Kwon, congratulations!  You have a beautiful girlfriend!!”

 

 

I swear my face was starting to turn as red as tomato with the sudden words.  But when I turned my head around to deny the assumption Jingyo suddenly tugs on my hand, pulling me away from them hastily.  We stop at the middle of the courtyard where the ground is covered in cement, tiles of different designs adorning the whole courtyard.  Confused, I look back at oppa who seems to know what he is doing so I decide to put in a little faith in him. 

 

 

All this time I am fully aware of the warmth coming from his hands holding my own.  My heart starts to skip a beat when he slowly laces his fingers over mine.  And while I try to convince myself that it wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, I notice his free hand turning so his palm is facing upwards, he seems like he is summoning something from down the ground.

 

 

If this is something that goes like Harry Potter I… am going to try to ride that broom first.

 

 

“Oppa, what are you—“ I asked yet he hushes me to silence.

 

 

However, my doubts and confusions fade away as soon as his outstretched palm rises up in the air.  As if on cue, water shoots out of the small tubes all around the place which I failed to notice. 

 

 

Fountains!

 

 

The whole thing reminded me of the infamous Bellagio fountains in Las Vegas but smaller.  Nevertheless, I was in awe. 

 

 

Now, this is grand.

 

 

To add up to the craziness, I find myself being pulled in the middle of the fountains, there was only a very narrow dry pathway in the middle of the long courtyard.  I could hear Jingyo happy shouts of excitement as we run around hand in hand.

 

 

I was drenched.

 

 

My wet hair is sticking on my face.

 

 

My expensive shoes got soaked.

 

 

My expensive hand bag also got soaked.

 

 

But I don’t care.

 

 

I’ve never been this happy.

 

 

 

 

Chaerin’s Note:

I know reality would soon catch up later but if I could only wish.   Please don’t let this moment end.  If only I could be stuck forever in this exact time and place, I’d never have to think of anything else.

 

-Chae-roo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I just need to breathe and think positively.

 

 

I look at myself in the mirror.  I straighten my black mini-dress that runs down to my thighs before inhaling and exhaling deeply. 

 

 

“You can do this, just walk in and…” I closed my eyes again, trying to calm my nerves even though I’m just not sure what I am being nervous for.

 

 

Knock.

 

 

“Chaerin?  It’s almost seven.  Are you okay in there,” Jingyo’s voice makes me open my eyes immediately, my heart jumping in the shock.

 

 

“Yeah, I’ll be ready in a few minutes,” I replied, looking at the mirror once again and running my fingers down my honey blonde hair.  Giving myself a determined look, I finally walk out of the bathroom.  Grabbing my purse, I find Jingyo handsomely standing in the living room with that suave looking suit, waiting for me.  I did try to convince him to wear the suit I had tailor-made for him but he insisted wearing something else, reasoning that he’d be wearing that on a special occasion instead.

 

 

He was looking out at the city when I caught his attention.  He smiles as he sees me and I could only admire him from the tips of his stylish hair down to his squeaky clean black shoes.  

 

 

“You look lovely,” he compliments as soon as we walk to the elevator and all my thoughts just fly off the window.

 

 

“Thanks, I’d like to say something nice about you and your outfit but I’m pretty sure you’d say—‘I know I am’ or ‘It’s nothing new’,” I joked as he smiles, looking up and shaking his head.

 

 

We go down to the lobby with me holding on to Jingyo’s arm and enter in the waiting limousine.  All the while my worries and anxieties slowly creeping back in to my mind.

 

 

“I really can’t believe that you are taking me out for dinner.   This marks the first out of the eighteen years that we’ve been together,” oppa says with a smile.

 

 

“The only reason why I don’t get to surprise you with nice dinners or special events is because you always beat me to it and have a table reserved for the day,” I reply, enumerating all the times when all my attempts for a surprise failed.

 

 

“I like treating you out.  You should have still made me do the restaurant reservations though.  It’s my job,” he points out as I glance at him.

 

 

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore!”

 

 

“So, where are we going?”

 

 

“Still not telling you,” I say slyly, leaning my head on his shoulder, enjoying the confused and unknowing look he has on his face right now.  Jingyo has always been the one giving surprises, the one who always is in control so this is something that is out of his element.

 

 

I was in the middle of my teasing when my phone vibrates, I just received a message and I already have a clue of what it contains.   Taking a peek, my thoughts have been confirmed.  

 

 

“Is that the restaurant? We’ll be there exactly by seven,” oppa suddenly speaks beside me.  I could see him leaning my way so I immediately close my phone.

 

 

“Yeah, just some… confirmations, that’s all,” I quickly say, smiling at him to ease any worries in his mind.  Somehow, his warm hand finds my cold ones.  This breaks all my anxiety.

 

 

“Are you okay?  You seem a little…”

 

 

“I’m fine!” I immediately say, squeezing his hand to assure him that nothing was wrong.

 

 

I just need to focus and breathe and… everything is going to be al—

 

 

 

 

 

Holding you, a feeling I never out grew

Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside

So there's no—

 

 

 

 

How in the world is that song still playing whenever I am around?

 

 

“Excuse me, can you please turn off the radio,” I say to the driver while Jingyo looks at me questioningly.

 

 

The driver looks at me through the mirror and I frown at the sight of his face.

 

 

“Are you Korean too?” I ask in Korean as the driver, a young looking man grins at me.

 

 

“Yes I am, noona!  My name is Nam Tae Hyun, nice to meet you!”

 

 

“And how are you related to Kang Seung Yoon?” I ask, squinting my eyes at him.

 

 

“You already met him?  He is my friend! Wah, noona, you want me to play something nice for you?”

 

 

“NO! And don’t you dare open the radio,” I ordered in a deadly tone as he gulps and nods fervently.  At the corner of my eye I could see Jingyo’s mouth opening and ready to throw in a question.

 

 

“Don’t ask, long story,” I say to him as we get closer and closer to the restaurant, one of the classiest and expensive restaurants in town.  We step down as I see oppa nod in approval at my choice.   We start walking inside when he speaks.

 

 

“I’m really happy that I get to eat with you here.  Back then when I pass by this street, I always think of bringing you here one day when you are big enough to travel on your own, you know?  And finally after such a long time… we’re here.  This means a lot to me,” he says sincerely.  His words had me slowing down on my tracks and looking back at him.

 

 

“You… thought that?” I ask, hearing this from him for the first time, a small tinge of sadness growing inside me as we walked to the painfully long way to the reception.  I try to fight it but no matter what it kept lingering inside as we made our way inside, a staff greets us and I give us our names. 

 

 

Deep inside I felt like giving away something so valuable to me, or better yet someone.

 

 

“Ah Mr. Kwon, this way please,” the lady says, motioning to a table.  He steps in but stops as he feels me letting go of his arm.

 

 

“Did you forget something?” he asks and I force a smile on my face, mustering the best act of my life. 

 

 

“Oppa, I’d be really stupid if I failed twice so… I am redeeming myself from that first failure,” I look behind him to the VIP table at the far corner, the one I reserved yesterday.  Adorned in a pretty blue dress and black heels, Mi Yeon sat facing the opposite way and not noticing any of our presence yet from the side profile and good taste in fashion you could already tell that it was her.

 

 

“Chaerin—“ he begins but I stop him, taking time to fix his collar.

 

 

“Oppa, you can thank me later,” I say with a smile before taking a bouquet of white roses from a male staff and handing it over to oppa.  I could see his hesitation and I knew that he’d need some encouraging.

 

 

“Go, I’ll be fine.  Tonight, this is what matters,” I place my right hand at his chest, right where his heart is.  He places his hand on top of mine, nodding in understanding.

 

 

“Now go, get your girl back!” I laughed, pushing him forward.  He takes one last look at me as I give an encouraging nod.  A smile slowly creeps on his face before he says.

 

 

“You still owe me dinner,” he thoughtfully says before straightening himself and confidently walking towards her. 

 

 

I watch as she looks up, a small exchange of words passed and Jingyo finally hands over the flowers.  She takes it and he finally sits opposite her.  I notice a small smile on his lips and that’s when I slowly turn back, heading outside, my steps slow and heavy.  The cold air greets me and I wondered why I hadn’t felt it earlier when I got out of the car.  I walk a few more steps, stopping at the side of the street and that’s when I hear the driver call out to me.

 

 

“Noona, why did you come back out? Are you heading back to the hotel?” instead of saying anything, I give him a generous tip before raising my hand up to hail a cab.

 

 

“Noona, I’ll…I’ll just drive you back there,” he offers and as I open the cab’s door, I turn back to him. 

 

 

“Wait for them, I’ll be fine,” he looked unsure at my order but I’ve already closed the vehicle’s door before he could say anything else.  I hear the driver say something in French, probably asking for my destination.  

 

 

“Anywhere… take me anywhere, anywhere but here,” I mumbled softly, looking blankly down the soles of my shoes.  I didn’t get to comprehend anything else he said after, only that we just drove off somewhere.  I found myself leaning by the window, looking out in to nothing.

 

 

Why am I feeling this way?   What am I even feeling right now?   Why is it so cold?  Why are my eyes starting to sting again and my vision suddenly blurring?   All I see are street lights, somewhere along the way we passed the Eiffel Tower but I don’t remember much.   This all feels like a dream.

 

 

I should be happy.  Everything is how it should be.

 

 

I unconsciously bring my fingers to my lips and that’s when I stare at the strawberry ice-cream ring sitting perfectly on my ring finger.

 

 

He gave me this.  He… Jingyo.

 

 

Something feels wrong and that’s when this terrible pain in my chest starts aching.  It wasn’t anything that is worth rushing to the hospital to but something deeper than that, something that would need more than a hospital for.  A tear escapes all my will to hold whatever it is I am trying so hard to hold back.  I don’t how much time has passed or where I was, all I could see what this ring that held much more meaning to me than I thought.   I didn’t even realize that we’ve stopped but when I did I was so close to yelling at the driver to just go anywhere.  It didn’t happen though.

 

 

“Why do I always meet you like this?”

 

 

“A-Ahjusshi? Yang ahjusshi?”

 

 

“Wah… she’s finally gotten her senses back.  Welcome back to earth, Chaerin agasshi,” he says sarcastically in a bored tone before putting up his hands as a sign of defeat.

 

“What are you doing here, in France?”

 

 

“I work here now.  You did give me a check with a huge number of figures, the one you kept insisting I take… even though I didn’t want to so here I am,” he answers before looking at me and sighing.

 

 

“Come on then, let it out.  It’s unhealthy to keep things bottled inside.  What is it now this time?” he eggs on, looking at me with that look, every father gives to their broken hearted daughter.

 

 

“I…” 

 

 

I really didn’t know how to start.  There were too many things I had in mind and I am not even sure why I am acting this way when I am supposed to be patting myself at the back for a job well done.

 

 

“I…” 

 

 

Images of everything that had happened for the last two years start flooding in.  Every happy, painful, sad, confusing feeling piles up and before I could even utter a single word the tears start to flow more freely.   Those silent tears turn in to sobs as I lift a hand up to cover my lips from breaking into painful cries.

 

 

I could feel Yang ahjusshi’s tender pat on my back when he comes to the back seat to sit down next to me.   When I did regain a bit of my composure, enough for me to speak the first words that come to my mind.

 

 

“I did it… I succeeded… my plan went well this time,”

 

 

“But?” he asks, already expecting it as I kept on sobbing, not even bothering to wipe away the tears I didn’t realize I held back for so long.

 

 

“…It still hurts,”

 

 

“It still hurts…”

 

 

“…hurts so much…”

 

 

“2 years… Everything you said happened… I’ve grown,” I laugh bitterly and I can hear Yang ahjusshi muttering how I was way past the point of return now.

 

 

“2 years and I…,” I break in to another tearful moment, much painful than the last as I rest my head on the seat in front of me, my whole body shuddering at my uncontrollable sobs.

 

 

“…I thought I was okay… I thought everything was going to pass…”

 

 

“2 years… and I’ve realized that I still… stupidly, foolishly and madly love him,”

 

 

“Because of that…I reunited him with the woman he loves,” 

 

 

“How does that feel?” he asks.

 

 

“It … horrible… hell,” I mumble and I hear him chuckle.

 

 

“I never said that there was a specific time for a heart to heal and move on,” he says, patting my back again.

 

 

“Why does it take so long for me?” I ask bitterly, wiping off the tears that kept falling at the side of my face.

 

 

“Because you stupidly, foolishly and madly love that man,” he says in a matter of-fact tone, making me sob even more.

 

 

“That’s not helping, ahjusshi!” I point out as he puts his hands up to calm me down.

 

 

“Or if you really want to completely move on then tell him how you feel, that or you haven’t found someone that you will love more than that guy,” he says as I slowly look back at him.

 

 

“I can’t… I’ll lose him and everything we had if I tell him,” I say desperately.

 

 

“Then you are going to remain in that same predicament for quite a long time,”

 

 

“Then losing him…”

 

 

“Would give your heart the freedom it needs.  Don’t worry, you can do it whenever you are ready,” he finishes for me as I stay in silence for a moment with only my sniffing audible.   

 

 

“Aigoo… come here,” he opens his arms welcoming me in to a light embrace.

 

 

“You really have grown, uhm maybe just a bit… but you have,”

 

 

“Ahjusshi, you really are the best and… I’m sorry for making your shirt wet,”

 

 

“Hmm… aish, what’s new?”

 

 

 

 

So there's no sense pretending
My heart is not mending

Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby, those memories come crashing through
And I just can't go on without you

 

-Air Supply

 

 

 

 

 

“Do you want me to switch the radio off?”

 

 

“No, ahjusshi… I like that song,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A.N:

So there was this one wednesday morning  where i decided to turn the radio on, something I rarely do after I met K-pop.  Then my ears are suddenly filled with music from way back the 80's/90's and i honestly can't believe how heart-crushing, mind-blowingly beautiful and deep songs from the past could be.  Way better than the noise some artists nowadays proudly call music. Eww.  The one up above describes Chaerin's situation perfectly that I laughed when I heard it.

 

Hearbreaks and more tears after one romantic day for Chae-roo and her Jingyo bear.

 

So, now what?

 

Comment below and rant on how emotionally crazy this chapter was.

 

Thank you to subscribers, commenters, silent readers, and upvoters.

 

Have a happy Mon-- crap! it's 1 in the morning so I'm only an hour late. You'll forgive me right?  I'm a vampire, that's why.  I work energetically after midnight.  Besides, it's the longest chapter ^^.  I hope all authors write this long.  Don't release those fics until it reaches 30 pages on MSword please.  That's murder, believe me.  All readers agree to that.   Anyways, it's Tuesday based on my clock so have a happy Tuesday yeorobeun!