Chapter 21

 

Hold on We’re Going Home

 

I got my eyes on you, you're everything that I see
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly
I can't get over you, you left your mark on me
I want your hot love and emotion endlessly
 

Cause you're a good girl and you know it
You act so different around me
Cause you're a good girl and you know it
I know exactly who you could be
Just hold on, we're going home
Just hold on, we're going home
It's hard to do these things alone
Just hold on, we're going home

You're the girl, you're the one
Gave you everything I loved
I think there's something, baby
I think there's something, baby

 

-Drake; Nothing Was The Same

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you sure?”

 

 

“I only want you,”

 

 

“I’m not going to hold back…I won’t…”

 

 

“Just kiss me, Jiyong”

 

 

“You’re mine, Chaerin,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

9 hours ago…

 

 

“Cute!” I squeal a bit as I take the cup of warm Cappuccino served in a female teddy bear styled cup.  I look back at Jingyo who smiles as he takes his Americano in a similar male teddy bear styled cup.  He takes a sip not minding how his manly image is slowly going down the drain right now.  I truly appreciate how he doesn’t mind at all.  

 

 

Earlier, Jingyo oppa had excused himself from my father with the reason of meeting an important friend to discuss business.   I, on the other hand, had managed to get away without any suspicion an hour later to “go home and get some rest” but instead of heading straight to my penthouse, I had ordered butler Seo to drop me off at Dara’s, well, building.  Her family now owns the very posh Fallway residences which were designed to accommodate people who are either too rich or too famous for their own good.   Anyway, the excuse was obviously a lie since a minute later after I entered the lobby I’d find myself heading down the basement where Jingyo’s black Audi, a car he doesn’t use often, waits for me.

 

 

I feel like I’m on the run or an agent on a classified mission to be honest but nonetheless, thrilled to finally spend time with my love here in a secluded corner of my favorite teddy bear cafe.

 

 

“Do you want to watch a movie after this?” oppa asks as he shifts closer to me that I could again smell that enticing perfume which makes me dizzy. 

 

 

Believe me, this is way better than alcohol. 

 

 

“Of course! I was dying to see this one movie but…” I trailed off a thought coming to mind.

 

 

“But what?” he asks, looking at me quizzically, his free hand finding its way to the side of my face, brushing the strands of my hair off. 

 

 

This is really better than alcohol.

 

 

“It’s a… romance thing and remember when you slept through that romantic movie I wanted to watch back when I was seventeen?  Well, I guess we could just find some comedy-action movie and I could drag Dara and Bommie to watch the one I wanted next—”

 

 

“No, it’s okay.  Let’s watch what you want and yes I remember that one time I slept while watching that movie.  That time when you drew doodles across my face while I was dreaming.  You probably must have kissed me secretly that time too.  I mean, why wouldn’t you?  I’m very irresistible,” he says with a teasing smirk before sipping on his coffee while my face forms in total disbelief.

 

 

“I did not!  I only did that once!” I protest, slapping his shoulder in total revolt.  My cheeks were probably tinted with a light shade of pink as I was reminded of the act I thought I “secretly” did.

 

 

“Are you sure?” he continues teasing, eyeing me with his playful eyes.

 

 

“Of course I am, you… narcissistic oppa,” I blurted out, earning him a double take on my choice of words.

 

 

“Narcissistic?!  Chae-roo, when have I been that?   I’m just stating the truth,”

 

 

“All the time!  See, you did it again. Wait, you must have probably been dreaming of me that time, weren’t you?” I countered which earned him a chuckle.

 

 

“I did not, I was dreaming of coffee,” he lifts up his coffee cup, proving his point as I shake my head at him.

 

 

“Liar,” I mumble.

 

 

“Admit it you must have wanted to kiss me back then,”

 

 

“No, I never—It must have been you who wanted to do that,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Oh god, that was so sweet…” I sniff, pulling a new thin sheet of tissue to dab it on my eyes and wipe out my watery eyes.  Although embarrassing, oppa is one of the few people who has probably seen me cry a couple of times that having him see me like this is quite normal.  This oppa has even seen me in diapers already anyway.

 

 

“Who knew, he secretly loved her too?  That was a good twist.  They actually loved each other after all,” I commented, sniffing again before wondering why I only got silence.   Turning my head to the side where my companion sat, head resting to the side, eyes closed and lips lightly parting. 

 

 

I knew it.

 

 

“Oppa?” I say softly before letting out a breath of disbelief. 

 

 

“I can’t believe you really slept through the movie,” I grumble, arms crossed in front of my chest as I look around sadly knowing that I had no one to share this heart-warming feeling I got from watching it.  This was definitely not only because I was a romantic at heart but also because I could easily relate to it.  I glance back at the man sleeping beside me.

 

 

Yeah I could easily relate to it alright.

 

 

I was about to nudge or push him rather, when my eyes spot the black permanent marker lying on the coffee table in front of me.  My gaze travels back to my sleeping butler and slowly a crazy idea start forming in my head.  Before I could even stop to think rationally my hands immediately grabbed the marker and open the cap as I looked at the smooth handsome face sleeping peacefully.

 

 

“My narcissistic oppa, you should learn to watch sweet movies like this.  How are you going to go to the movies with your girlfriend then if you can’t even last for two hours?  You’re going to earn less cuddle points from unnie if you keep this up,” I point out as if he could hear me, my hands already tracing a heart on his soft cheek.  I was about to finish putting a dark shade inside it when he suddenly mumbles, my hands immediately froze, the pen leaving his face in a flash as I hold my breath.

 

 

“Jingyo?” I whisper carefully, peering in to his face as I see no movement.  His closed eyes were moving rapidly and his fingers twitching a couple of time.  I could hear him say gibberish words too, nothing clear yet.

 

 

“Is he dreaming?” I ask myself before leaning my ear closer to figure out what he was mumbling, prepared to wake him up if ever he was in the middle of a nightmare.

 

 

“Chae…”

 

 

I immediately separate from him once I hear my name thinking that I’ve been caught but when I take a guilty look at him I could see that his eyes still remained shut.

 

 

“Are you… dreaming of me?” I slowly lean back down again, my ear close to his lips, hoping to figure out if I just misheard it.

 

 

“Chaerin…” his lips brush on my ear as I feel goosebumps all over my arms, my cheeks suddenly feeling warm at the light contact so I quickly part from him, already certain that it really was my name.

 

 

“You are dreaming of me,” I say in shock, my eyes wide as I slap myself a bit from suddenly having weird thoughts.  Getting myself together I then leaned my shoulder on the back of the sofa as I stare at his serene face.

 

 

“What am I doing in your dream, Jingyo?” I ask softly, my head slowly resting on the cushion.

 

 

“Hope it’s a nice one,” I yawned, my fingers lightly tracing the heart I scribbled on his face.

 

 

“That’s for unintentionally breaking my heart last year,” I sighed, my mind already coming up with power chants about being over it a long time ago and moving on.  At that, my eye lids suddenly feel heavy but then I hear his voice once more.

 

 

“Don’t hate me… I didn’t mean it…” my eyes flutter open as I froze again

 

 

“Yah, d-did you hear what I just said?” I nervously ask, cold sweat breaking at the back of my neck.  However, his parted lips and closed eyes suggests that he is still wrapped up in his dream.

 

 

“What kind of dream is that? How could I even hate you?” I question curiously, a frown forming between my eyebrows with the hope that he’d say more.  By now, I lay my head on the palm of my hands while my elbow rests on the cushion.

 

 

“I didn’t mean to break it…” his words always made me choke on my saliva.  Could he possibly know how I felt for him back then?  Could he have read me after all?  Was that the reason why he was acting so weirdly these past few months?  Did I just ruin our friendship?  Did I—

 

 

“…I’ll fix… teddy bear figurine,”

 

 

You’ve got to be kidding me.

 

 

“I promise… don’t cry…” this time I let out a light laugh, the kind of laugh where you’ve lost all reasoning and just started laughing for the reason that everything is just so unbelievable that all you can do is… laugh.

 

 

“…don’t cry… oppa is here… don’t cry,” he continues to mumble as I fall back lightly in to the cushions and whisper.

 

 

“I know, Jingyo.  From now on, I won’t cry myself to sleep anymore,” I say, thinking of the random nights my tears would spill secretly before I went to sleep.  Those random nights when my heart would ache for reasons I kept denying.

 

 

Slowly, I gave him a gentle kiss on the cheek, right at the middle of the heart I drew.  The power chants I kept believing in my head die down as I lingered longer than I should.

 

 

That’s going to be the last one.  I promise.

 

 

“From now on I’ll really move on and… I’ll start by agreeing to go to that trip to New York with Soo Hyuk…”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“I’m impressed, didn’t think you’d stay awake all throughout the movie”  I mused, looking at  Jingyo as he walks next to me, an almost empty popcorn box and drink in one hand, his other hand laced with mine.

 

 

“Told you I’ve changed,” he says before dumping the popcorn box and drink in to the trash bin while  I do the same with my empty drinking cup.

 

 

“Hmm then can you tell me what the movie is about?” I ask, wanting to test him.

 

 

“It’s about… love,” he answers simply and I squint my eyes at him, his gaze obviously avoiding mine.

 

 

“Jingyo,”

 

 

“Yes, Chae-roo?”

 

 

“You weren’t paying attention to the movie, were you?”

 

 

“Know what? Let’s go shopping.  I found out that your favorite store has a new clothing line-up this month,” he diverts quickly, leading me to the designer shops two floors below.

 

 

“I knew it.  Some things never change.  What the hell were you doing for two hours?!”

 

 

“Hm?”

 

 

“Answer me,” I gave him a warning look, my hand squeezing his as he rubs the back of his neck before giving me his reply.

 

 

“I was looking at you,”

 

 

“Nice save, oppa”

 

 

“I’m serious,”

 

 

“You’ve already been forgiven but let’s just watch something else next time, just to be fair,”

 

 

“I don’t really mind, Chae-roo.  If it means being with you then, I really don’t,” and with that he lifts our intertwined hands, kissing the back of my palm and I can’t help but smile, warm giddy feelings erupting inside my chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“So, you’re going to New York?” oppa suddenly asks as he drives me home from school.  I tear my gaze away outside the car to look at him, surprised at the sudden change of topic.  We had just been talking about the professor I hated and how I would love to fill her office with live frogs when this topic surfaces out of nowhere.

 

 

“Uhm… yeah.  Tomorrow.  I’ve already asked appa for permission and he agreed last night.   He says it’s going to prepare me to be independent especially when I graduate and head off to college,” I reply, my fingers tugging on to the seatbelt of the car.  It was lie, my appa was adamant in pointing out the negative points in this upcoming trip without Jingyo and if it wasn’t for my mother stating something about being independent and being ready in the future there was no way he’d allow it.

 

 

“And you’re going with Soo Hyuk?  Just the two of you?” he asks again, his eyes focused on the road as I shake my head.

 

 

“No, Yulia unnie and Geng oppa will be coming with us,”

 

 

“And when are you coming back?” I couldn’t help but feel like I was going through my father’s heated questions one more time.

 

 

“Sunday,”

 

 

“What will you be doing there anyway?” he asks again and I couldn’t help but sigh.  I already knew what he was trying to imply.

 

 

“Don’t worry oppa, I’ll be fine. I’m not a child anymore.  I won’t talk to strangers unless I’m dying, I’ll only go out when Yulia unnie, Geng oppa and Soo Hyuk are with me,  I won’t go clubbing or drinking,  I’ll stay in well-lit areas and always be alert with my surroundings.  I’ll carry around the pepper spray you gave me and use it, along with those martial arts moves you taught me in times of trouble,” I recite the reminders that were engrained into my head ever since I was young in a bored manner.  But then just when I thought that I’ve answered everything he needed to know and we could all leave this topic, Jingyo has yet to give his hardest question.

 

 

“Why aren’t you taking me with you?”

 

 

I didn’t have an answer to that.  I almost had a head ache trying to rack my brain on what could possibly be a reasonable answer for his million dollar question.  Sometimes I wish I could just be honest.

 

 

You are the reason.

 

 

But then we all know that it doesn’t work that way.

 

 

“Like what appa said, I want to be independent since I’ll be turning eighteen in a couple of months.  Learn to do things on my own—“

 

 

“Are you saying that… you wouldn’t be needing me in the future?” I could sense the slight tone of hurt and I instantly mentally slapped myself, a wave of guilt crashing through me.

 

 

“No! T-That’s not what I meant.  What I meant was that I… I just want to try to do things by myself… for a change.  How could I not need you oppa?” I answered uncertainly, laughing to brush off the negative notions.  I was too anxious that my seatbelt is already getting abused with the way I was tugging it.

 

 

“…that would be impossible,” I said under my breath, trying to look at anything but him.

 

 

I’d always need you.

 

 

I’ll always want you.

 

 

I can’t live without you.

 

 

“Chae-roo, these past few days… are you avoiding me?  Did I do something wrong?” he softly asks as my grip tightens, my knuckles already becoming white. 

 

 

Why does this oppa ask all the questions I don’t want to answer? 

 

 

“What? What makes you think that way? That’s ridiculous! Why would I avoid you??  I have no reason to do that, Jingyo.” I answer as normal as possible yet my heart was pounding furiously in my chest.  I am just afraid he’d find out. 

 

 

I’m afraid to create a barrier, a huge impenetrable wall between us.

 

 

“I don’t know I just… I feel like—ah don’t mind me, Chae-roo.  I think I’ve just skipped the fact that you’ve…grown.  You’ve always followed me around when you were young, always so fragile and innocent.  You’d always call for me when you weren’t sure of things,” he chuckles lightly, not noticing how surprised I was to hear him say those words. 

 

 

I’ve always thought you only see me as a child, oppa.

 

 

“Time sure flies fast,” he sighs.

 

 

“Jingyo, I didn’t know you could be so dramatic,” I teased, giving him a knowing look as his face bears traces of embarrassment.

 

 

“Me?  Dramatic?  And I thought you knew me well, princess,”

 

 

“Queen,”

 

 

“Hm?”

 

 

“Its Queen now, oppa since I am all grown up and won’t be following you around twenty-four-seven,” I sing lightly, continuing to as he shakes his head.

 

 

“Alright then, my queen, where would you like your favorite knight to take you today?  Ice-cream?  Waffles?  Teddy bear shop?”

 

 

“Nope, nope and nope, I want to try something new today.  I want to go… shopping!” I say with glee, waiting as his face turns from shock to horror. 

 

 

Well, how would he not react that way? 

 

 

This would mark as Jingyo’s first shopping experience with me. 

 

 

And I hear that it’s what every butler dreads.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Try this one, oppa.  I think this color suits you the most,” I say as he stands in the middle of the huge designer store we were at.  He looked at me helplessly, standing still as I scour around and take clothes for him, holding up every item in front of him to see how well it goes.

 

 

“Chae-roo, when I said I’d take you shopping I meant shopping for the things you like.  I am already content with my wardrobe,” he explains but then it dies down as I hush him to silence.

 

 

“This one is too boring even though you’d look good in anything… ah! This one looks cool.  You actually go well with the bad boy look too,” I commented, holding up a leather jacket in front of him before going back and browsing on to the other rack.

 

 

“I love the design on this one,” I say pulling another jacket out, this time a cotton type of jacket before turning to hand it over to him.  Seeing him look at me blankly, I then pushed him towards the dressing room.

 

 

“Try it!”

 

 

“I should be the one spoiling you,” he grumbles before stepping inside one of the changing rooms as I laugh lightly.  He continued on as he wore one outfit after another, mumbling about something that sounds like shoes and… lingerie?  Well, I’m not sure but I have to say how cute he was dressing up and acting like a comedic model in front of me.   In the end, his decision narrows down to the jackets wherein he couldn’t decide which one to pick.  I say, we take both but he insists on having only one.

 

 

“You’re already buying me three shirts, a pair of jeans and five neckties.  And we are splitting the bill,” he points out, cutting off my protests about paying before staring hard and long at the two oppositely styled jackets in front of him.  One had a gentleman, classy feel to it and the other looked like something to show off at club NB.

 

 

“I think I should try each of them again,” he breathes out before taking the first jacket.  I stepped in to help him wear it easily as we both look at the mirror.  He frowns a bit, looking unsure while I could only see perfection. 

 

 

“What do you think?” I ask, wondering what was taking him so long to decide.  Usually, when he’d follow me around while I shop he’d already know what he wanted to buy and buying he did.

 

 

“I don’t think this is…” he trails off and I notice him trying to stretch the fabric away from him.

 

 

“Is it too tight?”

 

 

“No… I’ll try the other one,” he says after a while and once more I help him wear it.  I really can’t find anything wrong with this one too.  He already looked way better than all the other idols on TV.   And just like the other one, I could see him stretching the fabric outwards.   He shakes his head and this time I just had to ask.

 

 

“What is it with the pulling, oppa?” he takes off the jacket and leaves my question hanging as he reaches for a completely different jacket and tries it on.  This one seemed more laid back.  It has that spring feel to it and seemed so warm. 

 

 

Seconds later, he walks back to me and before I could ask again he pulls me closer to capture me in a hug.  My hands slip underneath his jacket and around his waist as he stretches the fabric, my body getting wrapped inside the warm cottony cloth as well.  We basically fit in it.  He smiles as I look up at him.

 

 

“Is it warm?”

 

 

“Yeah,” I nod.

 

 

“Soft and comfy?”

 

 

“Yup,” I nod again, burying my head at the crook of his neck with a small smile tugging on my lips.

 

 

“Good, I’m taking this one,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 #

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I knock on the door, straightening my suit as I hear my boss grant me the permission to come in.  I look through the wide corridor, making sure I wasn’t spotted before I entered.   My eyes travel around to the luxurious classic looking furniture before settling on the man sitting behind the grand desk made of six different kinds of exotic wood.  His aura coming off strong and really intimidating, a trait I can see his daughter slowly acquiring.   He looks up from the papers in front of him, tearing off his glasses as he sees me.

 

 

“Jiyong,” he beckons me closer and I take a few steps closer.  I could spot a glass of his favorite whiskey by the side of the table, the drink he prefers to consume whenever he works.

 

 

“Lee Sajang-nim, I heard you have allowed Chaerin to go to New York on her own,” I began, my voice calm yet firm.  I admit that his presence alone makes me nervous but then I knew I had to voice something important to him tonight.    

 

 

“Yes I did, please remind her again what she should and should not be doing once she gets there.  Also make sure that she is well prepared for tomorrow,” he says, breathing in deeply before releasing in an audible sigh.  I guess, he isn’t really open to the idea of her leaving on her own.

 

 

“Yes sir. I will…” I ready myself for my next words and Mr. Lee seems to have caught on as he looks at me expectantly.  The piercing gaze he had was a silent inquisition so I knew I had to continue.

 

 

“Actually, sir, I’m also here to ask your permission,” I slowly say, choosing the right words to do so. 

 

 

“Permission for what, Jiyong?  You are already like a son to me and I know that your decisions are all very reasonable and carefully thought of so feel free to ask,” he says in a fatherly tone which he only uses towards me and Chaerin.  After all, the president of the world re-known Lee Group of companies was known to be very strict and cold.

 

 

I prepare myself as I thought of the one thing that has me so bothered these past few days. 

 

 

I couldn’t sleep.

 

 

I couldn’t eat.

 

 

I don’t completely understand why but I just…

 

 

I just want to…

 

 

“I want to secretly follow Chaerin to New York, sir,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Two chocolate ice-creams please,” Jingyo orders and I can’t help but grin at how he looks like, a cute bear hand-stitched cap sitting perfectly on top of his head as he stands in front of a small ice-cream mobile store.  Earlier on, he insisted we go incognito once we head outside for a little walk around the park.  He says we can never be so sure since the media always has a way of finding me.  Thus, it was then when I saw this guy selling stitched animal caps that made me immediately drag him towards it.  What a way to hide a certified fashionista from photographers.  Besides, almost half of the people walking in the park wore these hats. 

 

 

It didn’t take me another second to fall in love with the teddy bear looking caps.  I got the white one while Jingyo… well, he hesitantly let me place the black one on his head.

 

 

I need to take a picture of this.

 

 

I snap away with my phone as he carries two huge delicious looking ice-creams.  I immediately put down my phone but wasn’t quick enough since he eyed me suspiciously.  I quickly rush to his side, taking an ice-cream and grabbing his hand and pulling him away, saving myself from any witty remarks but then… Jingyo is Jingyo.

 

 

“You need to pay for that.  My photos are expensive,” he quipped before getting a taste of his ice-cream.

 

 

“Oh really now?  I thought it was free for me,” I reply, my eyes narrowing at him.

 

 

“Nope it isn’t,” he continues as I give him a look.

 

 

“The only exception you have is the mode of payment you need to give me.  Unlike the rest, you have to pay me differently,” he says nonchalantly and as I was about to open my mouth to ask he leans closer and silences me with a heart-stopping kiss, his hand holding mine slowly circling my waist, pulling me closer to him.  Everything registers in my brain after a few seconds as I place my free hand around his neck, leaning even more to him before my eyes close.  It’s a moment I just had to savor, we both had to savor.

 

 

There is nowhere else I’d rather be at this moment.

 

 

We break a part for a while, gasping for air as our faces remain only a couple of inches close to each other.   I open my eyes to find him looking in to me.

 

 

“That’s what I meant,” he breathes out and I just couldn’t care less about the ice-cream slowly melting on my other hand.

 

 

Heck, I wouldn’t even care if the whole world melted at that moment.

 

 

I feel him leaning closer once more, slowly pressing his lips against mine and—

 

 

Ring

 

 

Ring

 

 

Ring

 

 

“Uhm… oppa, I think that’s your phone,”

 

 

“Aish!  Who the fu— ah who could this be?!” he asks, obviously pissed at the sudden intrusion as we reluctantly part from each other, him fumbling for his phone while me trying to finish up my melting ice-cream.

 

 

I could hear him talk about something regarding the upcoming report we needed to present this week, he says ‘yes’ several times.  Right now, his serious head-of-the-department-persona showing, reminding me of the countless paperwork I worked on last week.

 

 

Nice way to remind me that we will all be back to work tomorrow.  How come I didn’t even feel the week-end?

 

 

Jingyo ends his call and finally turns back towards me, the expression on his face sullen.  It was enough to tell me that our little date has sadly come to an end.  He didn’t have to tell me anything more as I give him a smile and softly touch his cheek.

 

 

“It’s okay,” I assure him as he places his hand above mine.

 

 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs and I shake my head, giving him a light kiss.

 

 

“I said its okay.  I need to get ready for tomorrow too anyway.  I really did enjoy today.  Besides, after this stressful project is done, hopefully it will be little less toxic,” I say, trying to lighten up both our dampened moods.  He nods before wrapping me in his arms.  I succumb to the warm feeling of his embrace.  It’s going to be some time, probably another five stressful days before I could spend precious time with him like this again.

 

 

This is actually quite harder than I thought.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Come in,” I say after a light knock comes to my door.  I had was about to bet that it was Nana Hye Mi but then I was in for a surprise when I turn around to face Jingyo.

 

 

“Oppa, what’s with the knocking?” I ask.  Being really close to each other, Jingyo now rarely knocks on my door except on times when he feels like I don’t need to be bothered or I’m already asleep.  I am perfectly fine today and it’s still early for me to be sleeping.

 

 

“Nothing, I just… wanted to knock,” he says as I notice him rub the back of his neck, a trait he does when he is unsure or embarrassed.  His eyes travel to the bag I was filling up my stuff, a crease forming on his face.  I guess he is still on about me growing up, being independent and not needing him.

 

 

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” he asks, clearing his throat as he steps closer and I just can’t help but feel like there is something wrong.  Jingyo just seems so… suspicious?

 

 

“Yup, just a few more little stuff here and there and I’ll be fully ready,” I say, going back to packing up my small vanity purse.  He then silently helps me place things in, fitting every piece of clothing and accessory inside my suitcase, my one out three suitcases to be exact.  Well, I’m not only going on vacation there but also to attend some fashion events my three friends have invited me to.

 

 

Something is really weird.

 

 

Jingyo seems so… restricted?

 

 

I wasn’t really sure since he seemed this way for a couple of months already, although he didn’t act like it every day it was still a mystery to me whenever he did.  He’d always be careful to step in my room like he might see something he shouldn’t see, flinch whenever I touch him, question every male friend I was talking to, always asking if there was something I really wanted to buy which he then would buy whenever I would have an answer, he just seems so eager to do his job, keep himself busy, probably to erase bothersome thoughts in his mind, then there were also those days when he’d stare blankly at me whenever we would eat out and then suddenly trying to slap himself to his senses.  At first I brushed it off as him probably having one of those off days but then… Jingyo was never like this before.

 

 

Could it have something to do with… unnie?

 

 

Maybe they had a fight… again.

 

 

“Oppa…” I knew I didn’t have any right to get in between so I kept silent the first time but if his well-being is being affected by it then as a friend, I already need to step in.

 

 

“…is something wrong?” I gently asked as I held his arm, stopping his actions.  I could feel his muscles tense.  I must be right about them fighting again.

 

 

“Nothing, Chae-roo… I’m fine!  Why do you ask?” he smiles widely yet his eyes betray me.

 

 

“Jingyo… you know you can tell me anything, right?”  I ask, suddenly remembering the time when he said those very words to me in this very room.

 

 

“ I…” he looks away, looking really uncomfortable.  I guess I need to give him a little push.

 

 

“Is it about Mi Yeon unnie?” I finally say, deciding to be blunt and end this.  I watch him breathe out, probably a defeated sigh.

 

 

“It’s nothing… just a normal fight.  Every couple goes through this… It’s really nothing, princess,” he shrugs, giving me a light smile

 

 

“Queen,” I correct him and his smile widens and I feel much better knowing that he is going to be fine.

 

 

“Yes, my queen.  Don’t worry; your most loyal knight is going to be perfectly fine,” he says confidently earning a nod and a smile from me as I pat his head playfully.   I was about to go on fixing my suitcase when I realized that he was still standing like a rock, blankly staring right at me...again.

 

 

“Jingyo?  Hello?  Anybody home?” I waved my hand in front of his face and just like the other times he’d shake his head and snap out from whatever it is.  He awkwardly changes the topic before getting himself busy with helping me zip up my huge suitcase.

 

 

I’m worried.

 

 

Is he really okay?

 

 

Was it really just a small fight?

 

 

 Maybe he needs a pat on the back and a hug instead.

 

 

And that’s what I did.  That’s how I ended the night by stepping forward and just giving him a warm hug.  It seems to work anyway… he asked that we stay this way for a couple more minutes.

 

 

Hopefully he’d feel better. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The first lie

 

 

I didn’t mean it

 

 

I didn’t want to

 

 

I had to

 

 

And I got away with it

 

 

It’s not like she was still five where I can tell her that the cave monster was real or that I can pluck out the stars for her one by one.  No, she is already a young woman, turning eighteen soon and fairytales are something she has already left behind.  The realization had come late for me but it can’t be helped especially when she has somehow retained that child-like glee whenever there are teddy bears, chocolates, strawberries and pancakes, her infamous pout whenever she thinks deeply and that cuteness she unintentionally shows at her most vulnerable.

 

 

Yes, I, Kwon Jiyong had just realized and finally stopped denying that Lee Chaerin was no longer a cute innocent little girl.

 

 

To be honest, I wish I hadn’t.  She had gotten too comfortable around me, too much that sometimes I could only hope to draw all my courage and tell her that I am still a man, that no matter how much a male and a female are close to each other there are still boundaries we can’t cross.

 

 

Boundaries I am fighting so hard not to cross.

 

 

If only she could realize that it feels strange for me to see her sleeping on my bed… or next to me, her body pressed comfortably against mine, how zipping up… or down her dresses makes me feel like I was doing something forbidden and how her touch sometimes unintentionally turning in to a sensual caress without her knowing it makes the hair at the back of my neck stand. 

 

 

Don’t even get me started on how much I am starting to hate Lee Soo Hyuk.  My girlfriend’s brother has been influencing my Chae-roo to go to salons, beauty spas and letting her meet his fashion friends who had taught her that mini-dresses, jean shorts and crop tops are a must have in her wardrobe.  Mi Yeon and I had fought because of this.  She says I’m too protective of Chaerin, that she’s not young anymore and that there is nothing wrong with it.  I’d always reason out that I’m just looking out for my ‘little sister’.  

 

 

Soo Hyuk’s friends aren’t helping either.  All of them are very open-minded too which means they were feeding her mind things I pray she would forget.

 

 

You cannot imagine my surprise when I accidentally overheard how she curiously and bashfully asks Nana Hye Mi about… !

 

 

Hye Mi noona was even giggling when she started telling on about her… own experiences. 

 

 

Aish!  That noona does not have a warning or stop button in her system when it comes to love!

 

 

Thankfully I got there in time before my Chae-roo’s innocent mind could be completely tainted.  I literally barged through the door, acting like I had to eagerly show Chaerin something, like I would die if I didn’t pull her out of the room and in to the car where I drove as far as I can to… the zoo.  I could not forget how hard she laughed when I told her that I wanted to show her the new born baby panda.

 

 

She told me that she thought that the end of the world was coming with the way I desperately wanted her to show something.

 

 

Needless to say, I felt a bit embarrassed but then at the end of the day I already was planning to thank Hye Mi noona since because of her, we enjoyed our little day out at the zoo. 

 

 

If it really was the end of the world today, I would sincerely be happy to die next to my Chae-roo.

 

 

She was that important to me, so I guess my sudden anger was explainable enough when I saw Soo Hyuk take her out on a date at one of the high–end restaurants at the last day of her stay in New York. 

 

 

If he laid even just one finger on her I swear…

 

 

But then my mental threats came too late.  He hugged her, placed his hand on top of hers and… kissed her.

 

 

The bastard laid his filthy lips on my Chaerin!  My Chae-roo! My queen!

 

 

My?

 

 

I was frozen on the spot where I stood watching as I watched him lean towards her to give her a kiss.  My mind suddenly backtracking at the thoughts crashing through my head and that’s when it hit me.

 

 

She wasn’t mine.

 

 

And it hurts?

 

 

I wasn’t sure which part of me hurts, only that I feel so sick.  Something deep inside me stirred.  I was mad, mad as hell.  I’ve spent three days secretly keeping an eye on her, watching her learn new things, meet new people, happy that she’s slowly gained this new sense of confidence as she walked through the streets of the big apple, head held high.  I’ve always told her that all those magazine models were nothing compared to her but then all of that happiness was lost.  If I hadn’t stopped myself, I would have punched Soo Hyuk not once, not twice but several times and grabbed Chaerin. 

 

 

I’d take her far away, far from that boy. 

 

 

I don’t completely understand where all this hatred, anger and hurt was coming from.  All I knew was that…

 

 

…I didn’t like what I was seeing.

 

 

I knew there was nothing I could do at the moment except…

 

 

“Jingyo?” her voice easily melted all the negativity I felt earlier as I clutched the phone like my life depended on it.  I watched from a far as she moves away from Soo Hyuk.

 

 

“Chae-roo, how’s New York?” I asked, trying to sound casual, like I wasn’t looking at her from a distance right at this very moment.

 

 

“It’s amazing!  Did you call because you missed me?” she asks and I could see her smile.

 

 

I didn’t know what it was about this whole thing that made my vision blurry and that caused this familiar sting reaching my eyes as I blink back unwanted tears.  I wipe it away as quickly as I can.

 

 

“Yes, oppa misses you a lot…” that was all I could say.  I knew she was teasing me but I felt nothing more but tell the truth.  My voice sounded so shaky and off that I hoped she didn’t recognize that something was wrong yet her sudden pause and the slight trace of surprise showing on her face proved otherwise.

 

 

“Jingyo… is something wrong?  You sound a bit…” a frown forms on her face, she’s probably worried.  I knew I had to come up with a rational excuse but before I could do that, I drew my phone away from me as I sniffed, quickly wiping off more tears with the back of my hand. 

 

 

I rarely cry.

 

 

No physical pain could make me shed a single tear.

 

 

But tonight…

 

 

“No, no, no, I just… caught a cold this morning. Well, I just wanted to know how you were, that’s all,” I force a laugh and she was quick to order me to drink some medicine and get some rest, even wanting to call the family doctor for me which I vehemently declined.

 

 

…Lee Chaerin made me cry.  I wasn’t embarrassed nor did I feel like a fool.

 

 

She is worthy of my tears.

 

 

“Don’t worry about me anymore oppa, just sleep, drink all the healthy stuff because if not I’m flying right this very hour back to Seoul and make you, got it?” she sternly says as I let out another laugh, a real one this time.

 

 

“And Jingyo…”

 

 

“Yes, my queen?”

 

 

“I missed you too.  I… I think we should come here together next time,” my heart swells at her words.  I could see her leaning on the partition wall, gazing longingly outside the window…

 

 

…just like I am right now

 

 

And that’s when I finally accepted it...finally stopped denying that…

 

 

I am in love with my queen...

 

 

The one thing I should never commit.

 

 

The truth slaps me on the face hard.  I longed for her.  It was a sin.  It felt wrong.  She wasn’t even legally an adult yet I desire her in ways that aren’t to be spoken out aloud. I’ve watched her sleep when I should have retreated back to my own room.   I want no other man for her.  I want her for myself.  I had hoped to turn back time…

 

 

…to kiss her back that one Monday morning a year ago

 

 

Chaerin, my Chaerin, has just become my forbidden love, my deepest secret.

 

 

And it hurts…

 

 

I knew I couldn’t have her because a knight was only born to serve the queen and her king.

 

 

After all, Lancelot’s love affair with queen Guinevere caused the destruction of a kingdom.  I knew that legends would only be legends yet the lessons to be learned from it aren’t something made of fiction and just like that I already knew what kind of damage my burning desire will bring.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I sigh as soon as my body hits the bed. 

 

 

I’ve just gotten home from my close-to-perfect date with Jingyo and if it hadn’t been cut short due to work I would have called it beyond perfect.  It’s sad how the only time I get to spend time with him is also limited. 

 

 

Thinking about our date, I couldn’t help but smile at the little moments we had and those hugs and kisses we shared.   I knew it’s going to feel way different when I get to work tomorrow.  I just hope I wouldn’t end up smiling like a fool whenever I see him.

 

 

I can’t wait for the next week-end.

 

 

“I’m going crazy,” I mutter to myself as I roll around my bed and bury my face on my pillow.

 

 

I blame Jingyo for this current state I am in.  I am acting like a teenage girl all over again.

 

 

After much tossing and turning, nana Hye Mi knocks on my door, probably wondering if she should call the mental hospital already.

 

 

“Chaerin-ah, uhh… I’ll be heading back to your appa and omma since they uhm… need my help with something.  Your dinner has already been prepared at the kitchen.”  She says as I wave my hand to give my approval.  At regular days I would have thought this as strange but since I am being drugged by cupid right now I felt it as nothing but normal.

 

 

As soon as I start rolling around and hugging Hee-roo another knock comes to my door.  I look up to find butler Seo slightly stepping in my room, looking at anything but me.

 

 

“Chaerin agasshi… I have to go… to my wife tonight… I’ll be back tomorrow morning… and I have secured the perimeter and calculated that there is zero percent chance of hazard so, you are safe,” he says in an emotionless tone like he was reading an essay in a tired manner as I again nod and continue to sail away in my own world.  Again, this would have been very strange to me, even stranger than nana Hye Mi’s because to my knowledge as of yesterday butler Seo does not have a wife but then…

 

 

Jingyo

 

 

I think I need to splash myself with cold water and wake up from this love drug.  My feet finally found the ground as I walk towards my bathroom, taking a refreshing shower.  All the while my thoughts continued on to plans of how to grab Jingyo from his office and make him eat on time just like how his father asked me to.

 

 

Maybe I should cook something for him tomorrow? Packed lunch?  Would it be too obvious? But then I could hide it and… that would still be too risky. 

 

 

My thoughts still ran around even as I crossed to the kitchen on my huge university sweater and a pair of comfortable shorts.  I’ve come up with ideas on how to make oppa’s favorite pasta or how to secretly meet each other without any suspicion.

 

 

All this suspense and thrill is killing me.

 

 

I was about to lift up my spoon and finish up my delicious salmon when the buzzer to my penthouse sounds all over the living room.  I immediately check the clock.

 

 

10:45 pm

 

 

Who the hell could this be?

 

 

I was betting that this could be either Bommie or Dara coming over to vent out frustration or share their happiness.  I ran a hand through my damp hair as I opened the door, preparing to be squealed, ranted and hugged at but…

 

 

…to be kissed?! 

 

 

Now that’s new.

 

 

“J-Jingyo?”  I managed to blurt out in between this dizzying kisses he’s showered me with.

 

 

 “I missed you,” he breathes out pulling me in his arms tightly, his head dipping down and his lips resting perfectly on my neck. 

 

 

“I… can see that,” my voice a bit muffled with the way I was being pressed towards him, only noticing now that he was wearing the jacket he… we picked earlier.  I let out a light laugh, finding it funny that we just spent the whole day together.

 

 

I didn’t really expect to find him running back to me after four hours. 

 

 

“Have you eaten yet?” I asked him, up until now he has me still wrapped in his arms, my own hands finding its way around his back.  His breath was tickling my neck but I am not going to complain.

 

 

“Not yet.  I am actually just about to…” I could only yelp and giggle when he playfully tries to bite on my neck softly.

 

 

“Yah! Oppa!” I mumble about how it tickles and that I am certainly not food earning chuckles from him before he stops, loosens his grip and looks at me.

 

 

“Yes I have already eaten.  I was about to bring some food here but Hye Mi noona said she’s already cooked something for you,”

 

 

“You contacted nana Hye Mi?” I asked as he stops for a second, looking like he was caught doing a crime before pulling me to the kitchen.

 

 

“Know what? I’m kind of thirsty right now.  Do you have cold water?” he suddenly asks as I let him drag me to the kitchen, all the while, my eyes shooting suspicious daggers at him.  I observe his awkward movements as he opens the fridge and taking a glass of water in an exaggerated happy manner while I lean my hip on the kitchen’s island counter.

 

 

“So, does this mean that you’ve also contacted butler Seo and gave him a wife?” I ask, my voice seeping with sarcasm as he chokes on his water.  I shake my head before striding towards him to pat his back several times as he coughs.  My eyes however remain questioning him as I stand on his side while he recovers.

 

 

He looks down at his glass after his coughing fit stops and I couldn’t help but find it cute how guilty he looked right now.  He defeatedly sighs before facing me.

 

 

“Yes, I did tell them to leave…” he admits before lifting his eyes towards my direction.

 

 

“And why would you want them to leave?” I continue my interrogation although already having an idea to what his answer is.

 

 

“Because if they are here… I won’t be able to do this,” he leans down, capturing my lips softly with his.  He does this again and again, parting as softly as he came.  He smiles and it is infectious enough to draw one from me too. 

 

 

It was the perfect answer and I can’t even find any other plausible reply.

 

 

He kisses me again and before he could separate from me again, I lean forward and kiss him, preventing him from parting from me.

 

 

My turn

 

 

Our sweet lip-lock plunges deeper as he parts my lips, his hands keeping me steady and close to him.  I couldn’t even comprehend anything else… well, maybe except for work.

 

 

“Uhm o-oppa,” I start, reluctantly pulling my lips a few inches away from his.  I knew it was a really bad idea because I wanted him too much at the moment but then…

 

 

“Don’t you have a report to finish?” I asked, worried that his very successful record and high reputation would break because of me.

 

 

“Done,”

 

 

That was all he says before continuing to kiss me eagerly but then again I pull away, which was almost impossible with the way he was holding me, earning a groan from him. 

 

 

What? I just had to be sure!

 

 

“Done, meaning I am finished-working-on-my-masterpiece-done or done, meaning I am so-done-with-it-I-don’t-care-eh-eh-eh-anymore-done?” I asked as he impatiently listens to me, his hand tracing circles on my back.

 

 

“Finished!” he lets out, groaning and protesting at the same time, painfully waiting for a couple of seconds to see if I have more questions but then I finally end his misery by throwing my arms around him and seal my lips with his.  He almost stumbles backwards at the force, easily carrying me by lifting my legs as I wrap it around his waist.  He carries me underneath my thighs, our lips never parting as he blindly walks to my bedroom.

 

 

How he manages to find my room like this is really amazing. 

 

 

I felt the softness of my bed.  I felt him hover above me, how he pins me down securely, how his lips trailed all over my neck, how I felt… nothing?

 

 

I open my eyes to look up at him.  The look he gives me melts me, his hand gently touching my face as if he was memorizing every inch of me.  I recognize this look.  I see it every day before.

 

 

It was love

 

 

Pure love

 

 

It reflected mine

 

 

“Are you sure?” he asks, seemingly asking for my permission.  He respects that this would be my first.  I’ll certainly let him know that there would never be regrets.  There’s no turning back.

 

 

I’m nervous but I’m also ready, never have I been so sure

 

 

“I only want you,” I softly say and he smiles, leaving a light kiss on my open palm. 

 

 

There was no other answer I would give.  

 

 

“I’m not going to hold back…I won’t…”

 

 

“Just kiss me, Jiyong” I order impatiently and he doesn’t need to be told twice.  Nothing can separate us now.  I’m into deep and sinking even deeper.

 

 

 Before I know it, he’s already taking me in to a different kind of high.  Undressing me and leaving me bare underneath him, I moaned shamelessly yet I knew there wasn’t anything to be ashamed of, he didn’t make me feel so.  He made me feel beautiful.  I loved and will always love this man.  The gentleness of his voice contrasted the fire in his dark eyes as I clung to him, his arms circling around me to give me this sense security, my blood rushing up to my head with every caress he makes as I closed my eyes in satisfaction, my hands clawing on the sheets as his kisses spread warmth all over my body.   It felt new.  It felt different.  It felt surreal.   I couldn’t even think straight anymore as we engaged in this explicit dance.

 

 

“You’re mine, Chaerin,” he whispers in all sincerity before finally claiming me, my vision starting to blur, a whimper escaping my lips before he seals it with his own lips.

 

 

I wanted it all 

 

 

Pain

 

 

Pleasure

 

 

Ecstasy

 

 

Kwon Jiyong

 

 

I gave him my all, willingly.

 

 

Nobody else can have me, only him… my king.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A.N.:
 

So I a got lazy and busy.  That ain't a good combination to be honest. We've been deprived of Skydragon interaction ever since YG family concert.  My girl Chaerin doesn't update as well but i have a feeling she will today or tomorrow.  

 

AND can somebody explain to me-- CHaeDony.  Is this true?  Was I looking at the wrong Kwon all along?!  Shieeett.

 

But then life goes on. Here it is for all you thirsty readers.  34 pages worth of only Jingyo and HIS Chae-roo. 

 

Now show some love and give this sleepy author some precious comments or rants.

 

THANK YOU TO THOSE WHO SUBSCRIBED, COMMENTED, UPVOTED, STALKED AND READ THIS FIC

 

Have a happy... THURSDAY?

 

Crap! Blame my messed up calendar. ^^

 

Love,

Jia