Chapter 17

 

The First Time

 

She's all laid up in bed with a broken heart
While I'm drinking Jack all alone in my local bar and we don't know how
How we got into this mad situation, only doing things out of frustration
Trying to make it work, but, man, these times are hard…

…Yeah, For the first time
Oh, for the first time
Yeah, for the first time
We just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time

Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby
Oh, these times are hard, yeah, they're making us crazy
Don't give up on me, baby

 

-The Script; Science & Faith
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It .

 

 

He and I, we haven’t talked yet.

 

 

And now I’ve never felt more alone in my life.

 

 

 Is this better?

 

 

Would this make everything better?

 

 

Will my heart finally move on?

 

 

…I don’t think so

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yongsan International

 

Seoul, South Korea

 

 

 

“This has got to stop!” Dara bursts out, breaking the silence that has been surrounding our usual spot at the cafeteria.   I look up at her and that’s when I see Bom and Youngbae giving me the same concerned look.  I stare back at them blankly and that’s when Dara raises up her hands in frustration.

 

 

“Just look at her!  She’s out of it again,” she points out, sighing.

 

 

“She’s been like that since yesterday,” Youngbae adds before reaching for Bom’s chips.

 

 

“Doesn’t this remind you of that one time two years ago where she looked worse than when Edward left Bella.  The only difference now is she seems more… lost.  I guess we need to find a bucket of cold water and drench her in it, she’s better angry at us than being like a zombie,” Bom says, squinting her eyes at Youngbae when he takes a handful.

 

 

“I’m more than sure that this is about what happened in Paris, the Mi Yeon mission thing.  She’s been that way ever since she got back two days ago,” Dara says, pointing her finger up the air to drive her point home.

 

 

“What happened exactly?” Youngbae asks, reaching out again to get more chips.

 

 

“That’s the question we all want to know but she’s too zombie-fied to tell us.  Even nana Hye Mi does not know why she’s acting this way,” Bom explains before swatting Youngbae’s hand from taking more than what she thinks he should.

 

 

“What do we do? This is driving me crazy.  It’s not even mentally, physically and emotionally healthy for her anymore,” Dara cries out, shaking Bom’s arm.  The latter on the other hand was getting annoyed at not being able to eat the piece of chip she was holding due to the shaking.

 

 

“Push her in the pool, I’m more than willing to let all of you use our pool,” Bom says, jokingly while Dara groans even more.

 

 

“How about we just force it out of her, kidnap Hee-roo or something?” Dara says.

 

 

“Uhm… you guys handle that fat kitten.  You all know I have a little fear of cats,” Bom admits and Dara shakes her head at that.

 

 

“Okay, so we don’t have a clue on what to do or how to know what really happened.  Now, what?  Leave her be?”

 

 

“How about we just ask her Jingyo bear?” Youngbae suggests in a nonchalant tone before flipping another page from the novel he is reading.  The silence comes, with knowing and awed looks exchanging.

 

 

“Youngbae, did you know how handsomely heroic you looked just now?” Bom teases, grinning brightly before nudging Dara.

 

 

“Right Dara? Youngbae looks handsome,”

 

 

“Huh? U-Uhh… yeah,”

 

 

 

If only they knew…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lee Mansion

 

 

“Pstt! Nana Hye Mi!” Dara calls out in a forced whisper with Bom and Youngbae right behind her.  They’ve managed to push through with their plan by heading home with a still blank looking Chaerin.  It wasn’t so hard since they’ve always been hanging out at the Lee Mansion ever since they were children.

 

 

“Yes, Dara agasshi? Is there anything else you need?”

 

 

“Ah no, we just want to know where butler Kwon is?  We need to uhm ask him a few things about uhh…”

 

 

“Our project about management!  Since he does so well in managing… Chaerin,” Bom fills in while Youngbae looks away, trying not to slap his forehead with his palm.

 

 

Nana Hye Mi looks at them for a few moments before finally speaking, an uncertain look in her face as if there was something they had to know.

 

 

“Uhm you see butler Kwon is a bit unfit for educational conversations right now because…” she hesitates, seeming like she couldn’t explain what exactly is going on but then makes a decision in the end.

 

 

“Oh well, come with me so you’ll see what I mean,” she finally says, motioning them to follow her.  The three exchange confused looks as they walked to the back of the mansion.

 

 

They head to the indoor gym where Chaerin’s father usually keeps fit.   However, Mr. Lee also encourages his employees to live a healthy lifestyle especially his security staff.   They are after all people who need to always be in shape when it comes to keeping the Lee family safe.   It was no joke on how they take the kidnapping cases or aggression from the media very seriously and Mr. Lee is not taking any chances.

 

 

“Butler Kwon has been like that ever since he arrived,” nana Hye Mi says before showing them a very sweaty Jiyong who was intensely focused on beating up the punching bag like no tomorrow.   If he was thinking of a certain someone with every punch he is making then that person would be the most unlucky. 

 

 

“If he’s not intensively cleaning the whole house or re-arranging the garden he would be wasting all his energy in very dangerous looking exercises here,” the worried looking household help says while Jiyong is now doing some hard side kicking at the bag.  His knowledge with mixed martial arts is not something to laugh about after all.

 

 

“You know what guys? I think something bad happened between these two but I’m just not sure what,” Bom thinks out aloud as Dara paces a bit.

 

 

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen Chaerin’s Jingyo bear like this before.  He’s always been such a gentleman. What do you think Bae?” she asks, seeing Youngbae intensely focused on Jiyong.

 

 

“He’s got one hell of a kick.  Look at those lethal moves.  Whoever it is, he should be hiding,”

 

 

“So, you are saying…” Bom asks, looking at Youngbae asking him to explain further.

 

 

“Jealousy at its finest,”

 

 

The three friends looked at each other, each having their own set of ideas and scenarios in mind, a light bulb seemingly lighting up on each of their heads as one possible person comes to mind.

 

 

“Aha! Mr. Soo Hyuk just came back from France a couple of days ago!” nana Hye Mi suddenly voiced out, clapping her hands together once and her face brightening up, her sudden outburst surprising the three.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Are you sure he is hanging out here?” Bom asks Dara as they make their way along the dim room, music blaring loudly as people jump up and down, partying like no tomorrow.

 

 

“Yeah, that’s what I’ve been told by my most trusted source a.k.a Seungri, the dirty rat.” Dara says proudly before being shielded by Youngbae from a guy who was dancing around without a care to his surroundings.   This caused Youngbae to take the incoming blow from an elbow.

 

 

“Hey!  Watch it!!” Dara yells out at the dancing guy as Youngbae pulls her away with Bom.

 

 

“It’s alright.  I’m okay,” Youngbae says while Dara shakes her head.

 

 

“It’s not, Bae.  You being hurt isn’t okay.  Ugh I really hate clubs!” she says while Bom smiles secretly at the sweet little interaction between the two.

 

 

“Look, there he is,” Bom points over to the balcony where a Soo Hyuk, dressed fashionably in matching white and blue polo shirt and pants, drinking by himself.

 

 

“He… doesn’t look fit for talking either,” Dara mutters as they head up the stairs only to be stopped by two brusque looking men, club security.

 

 

“This is the VIP area.  No VIP card, no entry,” one of them asks as Dara smiles sarcastically.

 

 

“Seriously?  This is Park Bom, her family supplies the high quality food and wine in this club, oh and maybe probably half the hotels here in South Korea too and this is Dong Youngbae, nephew of the owner of this club.  Need I say more?  Ah right, I am Park Sandara, ever heard of Park Land Holdings?  Either your house or land is owned by us.  Here’s my golden label VVIP card by the way,”   she says in an are-you-kidding-me tone while the two men standing in front start having cold sweat from all she had said.

 

 

It didn’t even take a second for the both of them to step aside, bowing down apologies for not recognizing them earlier.   The three friends pass by but stop when Dara turns around again.

 

 

“You are lucky Chaerin is not here, her family owns this hotel where this annoying club is located, she’s given the right to fire people within her father’s properties,” she says before being again pulled away by Youngbae, leaving Bom to smile and say.

 

 

“Sorry about that, she doesn’t really like clubs, uhm carry on with your work then,” she says but then flinches when she hears Dara’s voice.

 

 

“Bommie stop explaining, they should be doing a better in their work!”

 

 

Finally getting closer to Soo Hyuk, the three look at each other, signaling one another to go ahead and speak first.  Being pushed by Bom, Dara finally steps in.

 

 

“Soo Hyuk-ssi?” Dara begins as the handsome model slowly looks up, his eyes looking tired and sad.

 

 

“Dara-ssi,” he acknowledges, smiling weakly as he sees them before holding up his drink as a sign of offering.   However, it didn’t pass Dara’s eyes that curious look he had when he glanced passed Bom and Youngbae, like he was hoping to see one other person.

 

 

“Ah no thanks, we’ve already had a lot,” Dara declines, playing as if they’ve been having drinks for a while now.

 

 

“So, heard you got back from France,” Bom suddenly says to escape the impending awkwardness.

 

 

“Yeah, Paris… I was with Chaerin… Where is she, by the way?” he asks sounding a bit eager at his question.

 

 

“Yeah, we’ve… heard!  Chaerin-ah is at home… bonding with Hee-roo cause… she’s been too busy lately,” Bom carefully says and Youngbae silently groans.

 

 

“Oh, uhm did she get in trouble with Mr. & Mrs. Lee?  I’ve been sending her messages but she’s… not replying to any of them so, I’m getting worried that they’d punish her or something… because of me…” he slowly says.

 

 

“No she didn’t! I mean, Mr. & Mrs. Lee didn’t… know anything about it,” Dara quickly answers and Bom nods in agreement.  Soo Hyuk gives out a sigh of relief at their answer.

 

 

“I guess butler Kwon didn’t tell on them after all.  I was afraid he’d tell them that I got Chaerin drunk because we went clubbing until the morning,” he says, not noticing the surprise expressions the three had, Bom’s jaw dropping, Dara’s eyes widening and Youngbae...well, being Youngbae by saving them from making Soo Hyuk realize that they had no idea about what had happened in Paris.

 

 

“No he didn’t.  He’s very loyal to her,”

 

 

“Yes, he is.  That’s why he is very special to Chaerin,” Soo Hyuk mumbles to himself.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Chaerin went clubbing?!  And with Soo Hyuk??  Have I heard right, Bommie?  No, my ears probably have had things messed up because Chaerin isn’t somebody who would walk in a club and get drunk, we’re talking about Chaerin here, our Chaerin,” Dara rants out, pacing around until Bom stops her. 

 

 

“Stop that, I’m getting dizzy.  So, it seems like Chaerin did went clubbing with Soo Hyuk.  Now butler Kwon must not have liked that at all,”

 

 

“Thus the raging punches and kicks on the punching bag,” Youngbae finishes.

 

 

“I don’t get it, why are they all acting that way?" Bom thinks aloud.

 

 

“Wait, if he is angry then this could mean that…” Dara trails off, her eyes widening at the realization, a smile slowly stretching across her face.

 

 

“Anger, jealousy, sadness and lethargic all means one thing!” Bom continues on, building on the hype that they are all feeling.

 

 

“Butler Kwon and Chaerin are having a lover’s quarrel,” Youngbae simply says before opening his newly bought novel he’d been anticipating for months.   Seconds later, two very excited squeals were heard from the Dong residence. 

 

 

“I knew it Bommie!!  Chaerin’s plan failed again!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I lay down on bed, softly caressing Hee-roo’s fur.   It’s been three days since I came back from France and ever since then things have completely changed.   The house seems colder than before.  I feel even lonelier as days passed.   How couldn’t I feel that way?  Jingyo and I…

 

 

…we just keep drifting apart each day.

 

 

He still does his job well, informing me of events and schedules, taking me to campus and simply doing what he does best only that he’s more like the staff who smiles that practiced smile and opens doors for you.   He keeps a straight face and wouldn’t even look at me.  Nonetheless, his loyalty to me proves to be strong with him keeping secret what I had done back at Paris.   

 

 

I could feel the wall between us getting even higher each time we meet.   He really feels like a stranger.

 

 

I really miss talking to him.

 

 

But then I chose this, didn’t I?  I wanted this.  I decided on it when I went with Soo Hyuk instead of running back to him.  Then there’s also that, the lingering thought of what could have happened if I went to him instead like always, running to him without a second thought, like always, leaving everything behind and putting him first like always? 

 

 

…like always.

 

 

I just wanted to stop, stop myself from repeating this heartbreaking cycle but how come it feels like nothing has changed at all?  I’m still going around in circles getting myself hurt.   What do I do? 

 

 

Knock.

 

 

Without even glancing at the door I weakly gave whoever it was the permission to enter.  I hear the door open and when I don’t hear the usual warm greeting my parents or nana Hye Mi does whenever they enter, I roll my head to the opposite side, tearing my eyes off Hee-roo to look at the familiar crisp black suit and proud stance.

 

 

Jingyo.

 

 

I froze for a second before slowly sitting up, suddenly feeling heavy and restricted.

 

 

What could it be this time?

 

 

“What is it?” I ask softly, looking at him, a little bit surprised to see that he’s looking back at me this time.   Seeing him only made me sad.  How I wish I could still talk to him like before but…

 

 

“I’ve come to give you this,” he holds up a white envelope and I could only wonder what it contains.   My first guess would be some invite to a lavish party from some friend.  He steps closer and hands the envelope in my hands.

 

 

Everything seemed okay at that point until I open the envelope and read the contents.  My heart seemed to have stopped for a second or probably fell down somewhere when I come across big bold letters I have always dreaded to see.

 

 

This has to be a dream.

 

 

A horrible nightmare.

 

 

“You’re… resigning?” I was shaking but I didn’t want to show it.  Now it was I who couldn’t look at him, my eyes only focused on the letter in front of me, the words in it taunting me.

 

 

Unable to serve me well… Failed to do the job… Replacement… Things are better off without him… Something he has to pursue elsewhere…

 

 

“Yes I am,” his voice was calm and steady, never wavering.  He seemed to want this too badly and it feels like a stab to my chest.

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

“I need to go,” this time anger swells inside of me. 

 

 

He hates working for me that much?

 

 

All those promises, he said he’d never leave, swearing to stay by my side forever yet here he is trying to break free from the chains I have clamped on his wrists.   I wanted to yell at him, lash out, throw and tear the paper back at his face but then…

 

 

“Okay,”

 

 

What right do I have to hold on to him?  What am I to him anyway?  I’m just the rich girl he was assigned to serve.  So, how could I oppose?  I’ve said the words I now regret saying back at Paris and I know that I couldn’t take it all back. 

 

 

I regret…

 

 

“I’ve also informed Mr. & Mrs. Lee about this.  Butler Seo will be replacing me.  He’ll formally start tomorrow,”

 

 

Everything seems so normal, like any other day in school and the professor suddenly gives a surprise quiz.  It all so easy, easy to agree to this, easy to let him bow politely probably for the last time, easy to let him turn away without any other word, easy to let him walk silently out the room, easy to let him… go.

 

 

The door closes and I am left alone.

 

 

He wants it that way then fine, he isn’t a loss.  I’ll still be alright.  I’ll still be continuing on going with my life.   At least now we cannot hurt each other anymore.

 

 

No more pain.

 

 

I’m free.

 

 

I fall back down the bed, curling up and pulling Hee-roo closer to me to hug him gently.  I close my eyes, my thoughts are nothing but a blank sheet of paper.  I don’t know what to think.   I don’t want to think.  If I let my emotions run, if I let my heart take over I know it’s going to be disastrous.

 

 

Another knock comes to the door and I hear nana Hye Mi’s voice.  The door opens even if I don’t answer.   I didn’t even bother to get up and look.  Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s nothing serious, probably tonight’s dinner menu.

 

 

“Chaerin, J-Jiyong is leaving!  He’s packing all his things and travelling away late this afternoon!”  she reports, shock and sadness can be heard in the urgency of her voice.

 

 

I open my eyes yet still laying down in bed.  I was half-expecting that to be honest.  Everyone’s probably in the same state as her by now.

 

 

“Let him be.  He wants to go.  His choice.”  I responded simply.

 

 

“B-But… how… why…” she trails off and this time I can tell she is confused.   If there was one person here that knew how deep my relationship with Jingyo had been it would my 42 year old maid.  She’d seen us both grow through the years.  

 

 

“I need to clean some stuff, throw things that need to be thrown,” I say, getting up and walking over to my closet, grabbing the photo frame of me and oppa and placing it inside a huge brown box.  I could feel nana Hye Mi watch me closely perhaps alarmed at the things I am about to “throw”.

 

 

Everything he gave me, they all have to go.

 

 

Before I head back to a relapse, before my mind let’s my heart take over, I must discard everything that reminds me or will remind me of him.   It’s better like this, like he didn’t exist in my life at all.

 

 

Gifts.

 

 

Everyday items.

 

 

Things we shared.

 

 

All of that is going away today.

 

 

I open drawers and closets, finding more and more things that had memories of him.  All of those, I placed it that huge box, filling half of it instantly. 

 

 

I think I’ll need another box, maybe two more.

 

 

Dumping and throwing stuff isn’t so bad as I thought.  It’s practical enough since I could also clean and re-design my room.   I guess I should call my mother’s favorite architect tomorrow and have my room styled differently.

 

 

I need this, something fresh in my life.

 

 

Nana Hye Mi has left me already to do what I had to do.  By lunch I finally took a break, already filling up two boxes, leaving half my closet empty.   However, my peace won’t go on for long as Bom and Dara arrives.  Nana Hye Mi must have contacted them as they were as shocked as she was when they barged in my room without a warning and demanding that I explain everything.  Repeating what I said earlier, I continued on cleaning despite their continuous questions.   

 

 

 I just blocked everything out.

 

 

It’s all the same anyway, what happened? Why?  I really just want to clean all my beloved high heels, making them even more shiny and sparkly. 

 

 

I’m almost filling up my third box of all things Jingyo related when I hear nana Hye Mi’s voice again.

 

 

“Jiyong just left,”

 

 

The words coming from her didn’t even make me stop.  It did bother me a bit but I only pushed out all those feelings away.  

 

 

I had to.  They have to go.

 

 

I could hear Dara and Bom’s alarmed questions before hearing them hurriedly walk out my room for some reason.    I didn’t know how much time had passed but I was glad for the quiet atmosphere.  Finally, I could work in peace.

 

 

Meow.

 

 

I paused, looking down to see Hee-roo down at my feet, looking up at me.  I stared down for a couple of moments and a thought breaks in, hitting me.

 

 

“He also gave you to me,” I slowly say, crouching down to pet him.  He’s grown and it wouldn’t take long before Hee-roo becomes a fully grown cat.   I guess their development is faster than I thought.

 

 

“Would that mean that I should throw you away too?” I ask, carrying him up in my arms.

 

 

“But… I… I can’t do that,” I whisper when suddenly another thought comes to me.

 

 

 

 

...Please take good care of him.

P.S. Please be reminded that the time when I run out of ideas on what to give on your birthday will never come.

 

Your favorite knight

 

 

 

 

My… favorite knight?

 

 

My head starts to spin, before I could even control it, before I could even push it away in the back of my head, eighteen years worth of memories start pouring in.

 

 

“I can’t stay mad at you for long, Chaerin,” 

 

 

“Chaerin, look how cute you are!  Say “oppa” cutely now.  C’mon I want to hear it,”

 

 

“Thank you for being in my life,”

 

 

“You are leaving?  Where are you going?  It’s the middle of the night and it’s dangerous outside.  I’ll come with you!  D-Don’t you trust oppa anymore?  These cuts are small and mean nothing.  I am still capable of protecting you.  I swore to you, your parents and myself that I would,”

 

 

“I’m just happy you’re here, Chaerin,” 

 

 

..I’ll never leave you, Chae-roo.  I promised that to you, didn’t I?  It’s just that I’d like to ask your permission to allow me to take a one week vacation leave…

 

 

“I know I may not be able to dance with you tonight, thus, I wish to do so even if I am not part of the eighteen.  After all, am I not your favorite knight?”

 

 

“You haven’t had a full breakfast yet.  Now what kind of knight will I be if I starve my dear queen?”

 

 

“And if I find out that this Soo Hyuk or any guy who likes to take you out for ice-cream is hiding even a speck of dark son of a persona inside him I will hang him upside down high up that bridge -,”

 

 

“I missed you more, Chae-roo,”

 

 

“…I’m your Jingyo bear,”

 

 

“I’m here to earnestly ask you if you’d like to come with me at the Spring Ball cause I really would love to have the privilege of being your tonight… and I can assure you that I know how to dance,” 

 

 

“Anything for you, Chae-roo,”

 

 

“I’m sorry, Chae-roo.  I really want to go back as soon as I can but work isn’t letting me.  Oppa is here now.   I promised myself not to miss your birthday this year and I will serve you from this day onwards for as long as I can,”

 

 

“Are you too grown-up now to give oppa a hug?”

 

 

“I’ll be waiting right here for you, Princess,”

 

 

“Don’t be nervous.  If anything happens to you oppa is right here.   You remember what I taught you, right?”

 

 

“Because our little princess wants to fly I searched everywhere for your wings until finally I found it,”

 

 

“Princess, please do not cry when oppa is not around.  Do you want to look like the cave monster?” 

 

 

“Then for now, Jingyo will be your wings,”

 

 

What is this?

 

 

I can’t control all of it from spilling out.  One after another, everything sinks in like an anchor finally landing down on the sea bed and the impact wasn’t short of anything light.

 

 

Stop it.

 

 

My breathing becomes fast, I clutch my chest and let go of Hee-roo.  He lands on the floor before hoping on to one of the boxes, sitting inside it perfectly.

 

 

Without him.

 

 

Can I really get rid of all the memories of him?

 

 

Something strong tugs deep within my heart and that’s when I knew my mind could never control things for so long, my heart is taking over and the truth being placed in front of my face isn’t pleasant at all.   My vision blurs and I find myself taken back in time when the world to me was simple and good, back when I was just seven years old…

 

 

 

 

 

There are trees, tall shrubs and an unending line of plants that are as big as I am.   I just wanted to follow the butterflies fluttering around the flowers.  I didn’t know I wandered off away too far, far from my sole protector and the comfort I call home.  When I turned around I couldn’t remember where to go or how to go back.  I just kept running around, getting frantic as I find no one.   The place starts reminding me of the thick scary forest in one of my stories, the stories my knight used to tell me.  

 

 

What if a bad big dragon suddenly appears and hurts me?

 

 

I’m lost.

 

 

I’m scared.

 

 

I’m so scared.

 

 

“Jingyo! Jingyo! Jingyo!” I cry out, tears filling my eyes as I continue to run around, frightened by what is to happen to me.

 

 

“Jingyo!” I sob, crying harder as I trip and fall.  I wiped the tears at the back of my hand and even though my legs ached from the fall I picked myself, crying all throughout.

 

 

I’ve never been so scared in my life. 

 

 

That could have been the longest run I’ve ever did.

 

 

I was already panicking and as I turn around at a corner, strong arms catch me, hugging me securely.

 

 

“Oppa is here, shh it’s okay.  Oppa is here now,”

 

 

Once I hear his voice my heart calms down.  I hugged him for the longest time, never letting go even when he brought me back inside the house. 

 

 

“Jiyong, Oh thank god, you finally found her! ”

 

 

“I found her at the other end of the garden, Hye Mi noona,”

 

 

I was still sobbing but not as bad as before, my head buried in oppa’s neck as the tears trickle down my face.

 

 

“Chae-roo, don’t ever leave oppa’s side anymore, okay?  Don’t scare me like that anymore, okay?” he says gently as he brings me to my room.  I held on to his hand whenever I felt him leaving so he stays, hugging me.

 

 

“Promise me,” he says, putting up his pinky finger for me to lock mine into.

 

 

“I promise, Jingyo,”

 

 

“Jingyo?”

 

 

“Hm?”

 

 

“Did you see any big angry dragons?” I hear him laugh lightly.

 

 

“Yes, I did, he wanted to take you away from me so I kicked him off to the moon!” I looked up at him amazed.

 

 

“Nobody is going to separate us anymore?” I ask, hugging him tight.

 

 

“Yes, oppa won’t ever let that happen.  We will be together forever,”

 

 

“I love you, Jingyo,”

 

 

“I love you too, Chae-roo,”

 

 

 

 

 

The memory stuns me and it stunned me hard enough to drop everything I was holding.  It didn’t take another second before I was out at the room, barging out of the door and running down the stairs like my life was on the line.  Bom, Dara and nana Hye Mi were at the living room talking, their faces all filled with worry all suddenly turned in to surprise as I passed them by.    Even the house staff scrambled around to open the door as I passed through, going out of the house before stopping in my tracks to turn around and face Bom, Dara, nana Hye Mi and everyone else, their eyes all at me, looking surprised and astonished.

 

 

“Where was he heading?!” I asked and it took almost two painfully long seconds for them to answer.

 

 

“Incheon Airport!” Bom yells out.

 

 

“You can still catch him, hurry!” Dara informs me and nana Hye Mi was quick to pull out the driver and usher him to the car where I entered, everyone being up on their toes to help.

 

 

The car sped off with me begging Jang gun ahjusshi to break speed limits and drive faster. 

 

 

What was I thinking?

 

 

Letting him go was a mistake.

 

 

Letting him go with us still being in a conflict is a bigger mistake.

 

 

I can never erase him because he is part of me.    Forgetting him is useless because my life has revolved around him and it’ll stay that way.  

 

 

It will stay that way.

 

 

The car slows down and as soon as the breaks hit I literally jump out of the car and run off to the airport’s VIP entrance, the guard stops me and I couldn’t even speak clearly with my words in a mess.  So, I resort to the one thing that I always do when I am caught in problems like this.

 

 

“Lee Chaerin, my name is Lee Chaerin.  My father is Lee Han Gun.  Let me in.  Now.” I say breathlessly and soon enough they recognize me enough to let me pass.

 

 

I rush inside not even bothering to take the help they are offering.   I guess my mind only had one thing in mind. 

 

 

Find him.

 

 

I start running up to the escalators, hoping to find even just a glimpse of him.   I had no idea where he was heading, nobody actually knew because he refused to tell.  I didn’t know what he wore today either which leaves me to rely on my instinct.

 

 

“Jingyo!”

 

 

I don’t care how many people look at me like I’ve lost my mind.  I didn’t really notice anything else anymore. 

 

 

“Jingyo!”

 

 

I paced and ran around frantically; turning around multiple times just to make sure I didn’t leave a spot unchecked.   

 

 

Where is he?!

 

 

Tears of frustration are almost spilling off at the corner of my eye as I continue to come up empty in this desperate search. 

 

 

Is he really gone forever?

 

 

Will I really never see him again?

 

 

Please…

 

 

I turn around one last time, running around near the departure area.  My legs are starting to become weak and there is nothing I can do more.  I run my fingers through my hair, getting even more frustrated.  I’ve tried calling too but his phone was shut off.   I walk a couple more steps, feeling like I’ve lost my soul or my heart.

 

 

Maybe I did.

 

 

And just like a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders my gaze falls in to another pair of dark eyes I’ve been so familiar with.   He stood a few feet away from me, holding a bag and a small paper bag of what looked like donuts.  He must have been buying some snacks at the airport’s café.  He wore the Burberry jacket I gave him on Christmas last year.  I remembered having the tailor engrave his name at the back of it just so it could be extra special.

 

 

We stare at each other for a few moments and I could only feel how much I had missed him. 

 

 

What did we even fight about?

 

 

I can’t clearly remember anymore.

 

 

I took a few steps closer, biting my lip before I could speak. 

 

 

“Don’t go…” I began but then as soon as I did my tears started falling as well.  I may sound desperate but I honestly am.  That doesn’t matter anymore.  

 

 

No more secrets.

 

 

My pride, that’s all I’m throwing today.

 

 

It’s enough already.

 

 

“I’m sorry… I won’t do it again… please… don’t go, please…” I begged in between tears. 

 

 

He looks down, breathing in before looking back at me.

 

 

“Why?”

 

 

“I… I need you,”

 

 

“You’re better without me.  You’ll be just fine, Chaerin,” he gently says and I shake my head immediately, wiping away my tears.

 

 

“No,”

 

 

“Chaerin—“

 

 

“No, there’s more than just that,” I softly say, my fingers fidgeting as I brace myself for the words I am about to say next.

 

 

“What is it?”

 

 

“I… I…” I bite my lip once again, finally seeing how big this is going to affect our relationship, how it will change things from now on.

 

 

After several years of holding back, the confession I really didn’t plan on doing today is going to finally happen. 

 

 

It’s all or nothing.

 

 

“What?” he asks again, glancing at his watch.

 

 

“I… don’t want you to go because…  I can’t live without you… I can’t…” another batch of tears threaten to fall as I find myself breaking down in front of him.

 

 

“Chaerin… I’m going to be—,”

 

 

“I’m in love with you,” the words roll out of my tongue and so did the tears.  The silence between us was deafening and before he could start to say anything I continued on.

 

 

“I chose you.  I will always choose you and you don’t have to do anything else.  You don’t have to love me the way I do.  I completely understand...  I-I just can’t help the way I feel… you can be mad at me all you want.  You don’t even have to talk to me anymore…  Just stay beside me like you promised.  Just… please don’t leave me because being without you… is going to kill me… I’d rather get hurt in this unrequited love than get hurt by you leav--”

 

 

My lips become silenced and before I could even register what just happened all I could feel his arms around me and warm moist lips crash in to mine leaving me breathless.  When he breaks away for just a bit I gasp for air, my confused eyes searching through his.

 

“Damn it!  Why do you have to make this so hard?” he whispers and before I could speak his lips seek mine once again.

 

 

Maybe I just don’t need to think anymore.

 

 

Slowly, I kissed him back, my arms hugging him as well.  He pulls me closer, tighter, kissing me even deeper with so much longing.  I close my eyes and drown in him.

 

 

I’ve never kissed or been kissed by a man like this before.

 

 

My heart is about to burst and my lungs are in need of air but dying like this would be the sweetest death.  I’d welcome it anytime.

 

 

It felt good.  No, better.  It felt perfect beyond any positive adjective in this world.  I don’t want this to end.  If this is a dream, let me sleep forever. 

 

 

“I love you too,” he murmurs against my lips.

 

 

“I love you,” he repeats again and again. 

 

 

 

“I love you so much,” 

 

 

I don’t want to hear anything else now.  I open my eyes to look back at his dark orbs, reflecting mine.  How did I not see this in the first place?  The way he looked at me…

 

 

“Let’s go home, come back home with me,” I say, taking his hand and gently pulling him but the resistance he puts up surprises me.  I turn back around and this time I see sadness and guilt in his eyes.

 

 

“Oppa… w-what’s wrong?” I ask, deep down I fear his answer.

 

 

Wasn’t all that real?

 

 

Did he suddenly change his mind?

 

 

“I-I thought you said—,”

 

 

“I did.  I did and I do.  Did you really think that I’d leave you just because of a small fight?  Haven’t I told you? I can’t stay mad at you for long.  I can’t even be mad at you for real.  I want you.  I love you,” he assures me, both his hands cupping my face and I place my hands above his, looking at him questioningly.

 

 

“And I’m going to miss you badly,” this doesn’t settle well with me as a frown etches across my forehead.  My head slowly shakes in disagreement at the sudden realization.

 

 

He’s still leaving.

 

 

“Why?” I ask in disbelief, holding on to him tightly, afraid that he’d suddenly disappear from my sight.

 

 

“Because I’ll do anything for you,” his answer baffles me more.  I couldn’t understand it.

 

 

“I’ll fight for you but I can’t win like this, not with what I am now,”

 

 

“Is the society what you fear? My parents? I don’t care what people think.  I want you and nobody else deserves me more but you, only you,” I justified, trying to convince him to stay.

 

 

“You know what this will do to you.  You know that.  I’m not going to run away from this, Chaerin.  I’ll fight, for you and for our future,”    

 

 

“Oppa, I’ll come with you!,” I begin but he pulls me close to him again, resting his head against mine.

 

 

“No, stay here.  Bringing you with me won’t prove anything,”

 

 

“But—,”

 

 

 Do you trust me?” he asks, wiping my tears as I nod.

 

 

“I’ll come back for you.  I’ll come back to get you,” he says before kissing me again, drowning me back in to such sweet ecstasy.

 

 

“Wait for me,”

 

 

I hugged him tightly, burying myself in his scent and the security of his arms when I suddenly remembered something, something I should also confess to him.

 

 

“Oppa, about… my first kiss,”

 

 

“With that bastard party-addicted friend of yours who kissed you out of the blue?” he asks in an annoyed tone that I let out a laugh.

 

 

“No, he wasn’t the first…” I admitted slowly, waiting for his reaction but I was met with silence that I loosened my hug and looked at him smiling.

 

 

“I know,”

 

 

“You… know?” I ask, wondering what he meant by that.

 

 

“Monday morning… in your bed,” he answers, pulling me closer again.

 

 

“How did—but you were sleep—oh…” my face must probably be red by now at the thought that he was awake when I did that.  

 

 

“You lock yourself all day in your room and lie about having menstrual cramps.  You think I wouldn’t figure something was wrong?”

 

 

“You are evil,” I groaned as he kisses the top of my head.

 

 

An announcement for a flight comes and I feel his embrace tighten.  I already knew our time was running out.  In a couple of minutes, I might not be able to see him for a while.

 

 

“How long?” I ask softly, holding his hand as we walk.

 

 

“I’m not sure,” my heart feels heavy at his answer and at that point I was close to begging him to stay again.

 

 

I don’t even know how many times I asked the lady to wait for a couple more tiny seconds before finally closing the departure area, even resorting to giving out my name and going VIP.    I wasn’t even sure about the times I hugged and kissed him.    I’m probably going to be on the local news again.   Our photos might be online by tonight but I’m not ashamed of it.  

 

 

I don’t mind letting them know who I really belong to.

 

 

I promised him I’d stop crying but I’m sure as he finally disappears off to the ramp and in to the plane I’d be bawling in a corner.  I don’t really cry about other matters, only when it comes to my family and him.

 

 

One last hug.

 

 

One last kiss.

 

 

“I’ll be back.  I’ll come back for you.  I promise,”

 

 

“Hurry up then.  I’ll be right here where you left me,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Have you seen this?” Hye Jin asks her husband, placing an iPad in front of him with photos of their daughter spotted at the Incheon airport kissing a man, a man whom they all are familiar with.

 

 

 Lee Han Gun looks up from the business reports he has been reading since an hour ago.  One glance was all it took for him before answering.

 

 

“He’s on his way to New York,” his wife sighs before sitting next to him.

 

 

“Is it really necessary to take such measures, my dear husband?” she asks in a tone he knew all too well.  Breathing in he finally places down the papers to look at his wife.

 

 

“My dear wife, look at it this way.  At first I couldn’t understand why your father threw me at farm in Switzerland when he found out that we were together.  It was only when I became a father myself that I understood why he’d do something like that,”

 

 

“I clearly remember,” she muses before continuing.

 

 

“He made you work there for two years which made you almost lose your mind.  I also remember that instead of completely going insane, you made a profit out of the crops and milk then ran a successful food supply business there.  It was only then when he took you back and even prepared our wedding,” she says thoughtfully just like it was yesterday.

 

 

“It taught me a lot of things in life.  Jiyong is a good man.  He grew up right before our eyes and watched him take really good care of our only daughter but we both know how things will turn out.  Chaerin is going to run the business soon.  This society is harsh.  I need someone in the inside to protect her, someone she could trust.  Besides, the young man is out to prove himself to us.  This will be quite interesting,” he smiles and she shakes her head, knowing how dramatic her husband could get.

 

 

“And are you planning to tell your daughter about this?” she asks, a brow perfectly arched at the question.

 

 

“Well, when you found about it… you already know what happened,”

 

 

“Good point,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

New York

 

 

Jiyong finally arrives at the address written on the paper given to him.  He recognizes the building as soon as the taxi stops.  He straightens out his suit and inhales deeply before entering.  The interior is as classy as the exterior with marbled floors, high glass walls and chandeliers.  Heading to the reception he gives his name and soon a tall American man, about his age, greets him.  He seemed to be the one in-charge and looked like he had years worth of experience.

 

 

“Good day, Mr. Kwon.  Welcome to the Lee Group of Companies.  I’m Henry and I’ll be guiding you on your first day of work,”

 

 

“Here goes nothing,”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A.N:

 I'm tired, vampire energy running low today so I'll fix this tomorrow.  Happy reading!  -Jia

 

I might not update next week due to an upcoming exam.