Chapter 10

 

I See You

 

For fear of what you might do
I say nothing but stare at you
And I'm dreaming I'm trippin' over you

Truth be told, my problems solved
You mean the world to me but you'll never know
You could be cruel to me
While we're risking the way that I see you

That I see you

I'm standing across from you
But I see you
I've dreamt alone, now the dreams won't do
But I see you
 

-Mika; The Boy Who Knew Too Much

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

What a beautiful morning, isn’t it? 

 

 

The sun is just starting to rise and this cup of hot chocolate which nana Hye Mi made is just a perfect start for my day.  Finishing it up in one last sip, I hurriedly go to my bathroom to take a long warm bubble bath before choosing what to wear for the day.   I walk in my closet, running through my Balmain jackets, Chanel outfits, Givenchy collections, Burberry overcoats, Tom Ford sweaters and my recent addiction, these cool Balenciaga tops.

 

 

Ah my sparkling precious treasures.    

 

 

I pick up a couple of pieces, trying to figure out what to mix and match before settling with a TOPSHOP white leather mini skirt, pairing it with a black asymmetrical crop top and a monochrome bomber black and white jacket.

 

 

“Now what shoes would go perfectly with this?” I mumble, running a hand through my damp long locks.

 

 

I walk over to my shoes display.   Deciding to choose a pair of sneakers, I abandon my beloved Louboutins, Pradas, Jimmy Choos, Valentinos, Alexander McQueens and deliberate what to pick.

 

 

It’s so hard to choose among my babies. 

 

 

Finally, I decided on my pair of Giuseppe Zanotto Calfskin High-Top Sneakers over my Saint-Laurent pair.   Happy with the outcome, I picked out a silver metal Grace Jones necklace and a pair of dangling metallic earrings to finish off my look.

 

 

Dark eye-liner, mascara, a light shade of lipstick, lip gloss…

 

 

“Almost perfect,” I say under my breath yet something still doesn’t feel right as I scrutinize myself in front of the mirror. 

 

 

You can say that I had undergone a lot of changes over almost two years.   I had gone through a tough heartbreak and a couple of realizations during the past years, and with that I welcomed change, focusing intensely on improving myself to get over…‘trivial’ matters.  It’s true that I gave away half of my closet to charity and shopped like crazy all over Hong Kong with Dara and Bom during our school trip two years ago, they have thought back then that I was suddenly possessed by the fashion god but truth is all those fashion tips came from Soo Hyuk, that oppa certainly knows style and his fashion designer friends were more than happy to doll me up.   

 

 

My parents had taken different reactions to my sudden obsession, my sentimental appa wept, sighing that his only daughter is no longer his baby Chae-roo while my omma continuously shuts him out and excitedly hands over her beauty secrets to me.

 

 

However I didn’t just stop with the clothes and the make-up, I found myself getting fitness work-outs during the weekends, with a very determined Bommie, which is as pretty much therapeutic as shopping for these new Versace sunglasses I am about to wear.

 

 

 Something is really lacking with my look… I just can’t figure it out…

 

 

I run my through my fingers through my dark chestnut colored hair in silent frustration as I let out a heavy breath and that’s when I pause for a second.   I look at my reflection closely and slowly run a hand through my shoulder length hair once more, turning my head left and then right until my eyes brightened at the sudden answer to my frustrating question.

 

 

I rush out my room like a mad man, giving nana Hye Mi a shock, while I race down our grand staircase, turning to the left wing of our mansion swiftly, each of our family’s employees giving me surprised and alarmed looks yet I pay no attention to their offers to help me, putting up my hand in a dismissive wave before suddenly barging in a room I am already too familiar with.

 

 

“Jingyo!!” I call out before crashing down on my back at oppa’s really soft bed, the same bed which I slept in when I got drunk after I sneakily tried to drink soju for the first time with oppa or whenever there would be those annoying black outs that would scare the heck out of me because my parents weren’t at home.

 

 

I don’t even know how I ran screaming all the way from my room to Jingyo’s with the whole place being covered in pitch black.

 

 

“Good morning to you too, Chae-roo,” oppa says as he comes out from his bathroom,  his suit ironed perfectly and his hair freshly styled to perfection while he looks down smiling at me but then it fades quickly when he looks at what I am wearing.

 

 

“Your skirt is too short,” he says, with that same concerned look he gives me when he disapproves of my fashion.  

 

 

I sit up, looking down at my legs then back at him.

 

 

“Why? Are my legs that thick?” I ask, standing up to look at myself through Jingyo’s full-body mirror while I hear him sigh and shake his head.

 

 

“No, your legs are already perfect. If you try to slim them down even more you’ll look like a person walking in two bamboo stilts,” he mutters as I look at him opening his drawer to choose a tie for his suit, I then continue to give him a piercing gaze that I bet he already feels burning through his back.

 

 

“Then what’s the problem with the length of my skirt?” I mutter back, walking towards him to pick up a velvet necktie and a deep emerald shade necktie.   Holding up one after another to see what matches well with his suit, I put both neckties down not liking either one before picking up a black necktie with cool white printed designs around it, I immediately placed it around his neck and tie it in a perfect knot.

 

 

“You are just going to register for this year’s semester, Chae-roo, there is no— are you wearing a crop top?”  Jingyo asks, his frown worsening by the second as he moves my bomber jacket to the side to look at what I was wearing underneath.    

 

 

“It’s an asymmetrical crop top, oppa.  See? Only a teeny tiny part of my waist can be seen and I’m a wearing a jacket over it too,” I justify, finishing off his tie neatly.  He sighs once more at my answers before finally nodding in what could be a forced approval.

 

 

Sometimes he and appa are just alike when it comes to issues like this.

 

 

“Anyway, did you need something earlier? I’m pretty sure the whole neighbourhood woke up from your yelling minutes ago,” oppa jokes while I threaten to choke him with his necktie.

 

 

“I have an emergency,” I say eagerly as he looks at me, poised to get anything I needed. 

 

 

I then take a clump of my hair and show it to him while he keeps staring at me with that confused look, as if trying to read whatever charade he thinks I’m playing.

 

 

“Your hair looks fine, Chae-roo,” oppa compliments before leaning towards me, breathing deeply.

 

 

“It smells good too,”

 

 

“Oppa!”

 

 

 “What?”

 

 

“It’s boring,”

 

 

“No it isn’t, Chae-roo.” oppa insists, gently running his hand down my locks but then I take his hand and pull him out of his room with every strength it took to make a full grown man budge.   Oppa might look as light as a feather but he has got you fooled if you think that way cause’ his strength is no joke.  I bet he can carry nana Hye Mi easily and might I tell you, she is very far from light.

 

 

I managed to drag him all the way to the door where two of our house servants scamper to open it for us.  Taking my handbag from nana Hye Mi, I proceeded to go down a few steps towards my car, grunting while I continue dragging this oppa who is obviously having fun being dragged like this.  I think Jingyo just saved me time from hitting the gym. 

 

 

Once I got to the car, I almost collapsed on to the front passenger seat, panting hard while a very relaxed oppa closes the side door and calmly walks around the car to get in the driver’s seat. 

 

 

“Ah what a beautiful morning it is, right Chae-roo?” he says in that annoyingly cocky tone as I throw a teddy bear towards him, something which doesn’t clearly affect him at all with that equally cocky laughter he is making right now.

 

 

“Can we just go to the salon now? I know you are still traumatized by that gay hairstylist who keeps trying to touch your last—oppa you are going the wrong way!”

 

 

“Do you know that there is this cute teddy bear café along this particular street…” oppa says innocently as I look out the window forlornly, both my hands on the glass like a child would if they saw something they couldn’t have.

 

 

“Jingyo!!” I wailed, turning my neck towards him to give him a glare.

 

 

“You haven’t had a full breakfast yet.  Now what kind of knight will I be if I starve my dear queen?”

 

 

“I’ll protect you from that -touching hairstylist!”

 

 

“Trust oppa, your vanilla-scented chocolate colored hair is fine, Chae-roo,”

 

 

And… I guess there are just some things that never change.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Finally.

 

 

I have finally arrived at Yongsan International after that, thankfully uneventful visit to the salon early this morning due to Jingyo oppa’s worst fears being MIA when we got there.  Looking up from my phone, a light frown draws upon my brows as I see the usual local photographers camping out the front gates of my campus.    I let out a sigh, a bit glad that my car is heavily tinted and no matter how much they scamper about to flash their cameras in every angle they’d never get a glimpse of me.  However, learning from experience I am pretty sure they would still find ways to capture a photo or two once I step out my vehicle, what with those super, ultra, mega, high definition, bazooka-looking Digital Single Lens Reflex cameras they carry around.

 

 

Let me bring you back to the topic of change.  Ever since that dramatic broadcast of that crazy Soo Hyuk oppa almost two years ago, word of mouth was quick to travel up until the local media.   You can only imagine my surprise when my appa almost chokes on his coffee once he sees my picture on the morning paper with the headlines:

 

 

 

 

SPOTTED:  FUTURE HEIR TO THE LEE BUSINESS EMPIRE

 

The only daughter of multi-billionaire Lee Han Gun and elite-socialite Park Hye Jin, Lee Chaerin finally makes a media photo debut.  The sixteen year old has been reported to be indeed entering the prestigious Yongsan International School.   After sixteen years of being kept from the media, senior photographer Bang In Sook managed to capture this photo where she is seen to be donned in simple laid-back styled shirt and jeans, a far cry from the expected extravagant fashion her mother is famous for.   Despite the rather poor quality of the photo we are putting up high hopes that we will now be able to capture more.  Could this mean that the young heir’s formal introduction to society is already being planned?

 

Article by: XOXO Gossip Boy R.Kuma

 

 

 

 

Don’t even ask how I coped up with all the shock I got that day but then I guess my appa was still the one who took it hard.   And that’s because both my infamous parents have done almost everything in their power to keep me away from the public, from growing really tall trees all around our property, building the great wall of Seoul all around our house, placing our gate far, far, far away from our main door, putting up cameras all around the place to catch those annoying photographers, installing shock sensors around the walls, heavily tinting all our cars and having different exits around the property to provide confusion as to which exit my car, which is the same color and model as the other 20 cars, will choose.  I could go on forever just thinking of the procedures I went through to avoid the media.

 

 

However, none of us can really stop the inevitable.  Nothing really escapes the public once you fall in to their radar.  Thus, I had learned to accept it as part of my life.

 

 

Oh well, it’s time to live that life.

 

 

The car stops in front of the main campus building as Jingyo oppa reaches for the hand breaks and steps out the car to open the door for me, I take a deep breath, quickly putting on my Versace sunglasses before finally getting down the car.   I could hear the usual silence followed by the low murmuring starting all around as all eyes fall upon me like two pieces of magnet attracted to one another.

 

 

If I were to be subjected to the same treatment a couple of years ago, I would be finding myself cowering like a frightened little mouse in a corner before going all ninja and disappear in to wisps of white smoke. 

 

 

Well, that isn’t the case anymore.

 

 

I look at Jingyo oppa as he closes the car door behind me, standing at an angle where he can shield me from the photographers by the gate and asking me if there is anything more I need.   This time the usual gushing from the female students has started, Jingyo oppa actually has his own fan club now.  At first, when the public eye began following me everybody thought Jingyo was my boyfriend, they thought he was some son of a wealthy business tycoon, there were even bizarre reports that he grew up in France, even though it was partly true, partly!  Don’t even get me started with the endless offers he was getting from those talent scouts promising him stardom.   When I look back on those times I still cringe in embarrassment especially when I know that everybody reads those articles.

 

 

It’s a good thing Mi Yeon unnie only laughs at the ‘boyfriend rumours’.

 

 

Once I told Jingyo that there wasn’t anything more that I need at the moment, he starts entering back in to the car to drive it to the parking area.  As I was left on my own, I look at the long hallway and begin to do what I always do.

 

 

Strut and flaunt.

 

 

Besides, it’s time my newly dyed honey blonde hair makes a debut.

 

 

I confidently walk past gawking students, trying not to scoff or laugh at their audible murmuring.  But then I’m used to all that now.

 

 

“Is that CL?”

 

 

“Yes, the one and only CL.  Super rich, a total fashionista, really pretty, popular and smart, she’s already a real life princess,”

 

 

“You mean Ice Princess, she only hangs out with either her close friends, those equally popular and pretty friends of hers, Park Sandara and Park Bom, or those foreign elite-socialites.  She’s totally cold to the rest of the world,”

 

 

“True, she’s really intimidating and a certified heartbreaker.  I heard she’s turned down her latest suitor again,”

 

 

“Well that’s because she already has a boyfriend! Soo Hyuk, that hot Ford model, son of the owner of that giant automobile company,”

 

 

“Soo Hyuk? I thought she is dating that popular uljjang, G-Dragon, Kwon Jiyong, all those sweet looking pictures of them in the magazines…”

 

 

“I still can’t believe she’s been studying here way before anyone knew that she is ‘the Lee Chaerin’ though”

 

 

“Yeah too bad it’s her last year here already. I want to see more of her,”

 

 

Seriously, where is my Ipod when I need it?

 

 

Nobody really understands why I act this way.  Friendship and kindness without a hidden agenda is hard to find especially in the world I live in.   My family and status is only what keeps them wanting to be all nice and friendly.  I fight the urge to shake my head or stare at them icily, let them have a taste of the CL glare freeze.  Ah right, like all popular people I’ve gotten this sort of stage name, courtesy of none other than Soo Hyuk, my ‘supposed’ boyfriend.  

 

 

What in world are the magazine articles basing all their information on?

 

 

CL is obviously the initials of my name which Soo Hyuk oppa thought was cool but then what only a few people know is CL has a hidden meaning and this time it isn’t that crazy oppa’s idea but Jingyo’s.    When I told Jingyo about it, or more like complained about it, he suddenly smiled and told me that it suits me quite well, that I should keep it.  He says that there’s this French word that sounds exactly like it, Ciel, it means sky.  And since I was young I’ve always wanted to stare up at that beautiful vast blue sky, dreaming and hoping underneath it while I watch the clouds softly sail away.   And just like that, I owned up to that nickname, even going as far as placing it in my official calling cards, something to throw at the media.

 

 

He he I feel so cool~

 

 

Then what about Jingyo oppa’s nickname? Well, I wanted him to have a cool nickname too since I… was just in the mood to give him one.   I tried his initials but Jingyo hated it, even I honestly didn’t think KJ was cool, it only made my stomach hurt from laughing all over the place.

 

 

Jingyo oppa… don’t be such a Kill Joy…pfft…hahahaha

 

 

So after a bit of contemplating I suddenly remembered the time when Jingyo would tell me those bed time stories about that huge dragon which wasn’t as bad as the stories say it was.  Jingyo had made his own version of the lonely dragon which only looked so fierce in the inside but also had a heart, a very misunderstood dragon indeed.  And since oppa’s name literally means dragon I finally came up with J-Dragon but then… oppa thought it was a bit… lacking.  So, instead of a ‘J’ I replaced with a ‘G’ to give it a stronger vibe.  Thus, the infamous label ‘CL’s G-dragon’ was born since where I will be Jingyo oppa will be.

 

 

Dragon oppa sounds cute too.

 

 

“Chaerin-ah!”

 

 

I look up and finally let out a sigh of relief as I see my two best friends with the ever vibrant Dara waving at me like crazy.  Let me tell you a couple of updates about them.

 

 

Dara, despite having finally stepped down from being campus queen for two consecutive years has still remained as the one of the most important student body officials which means my beautiful friend is still very busy with social affairs.   Not to mention, the community affairs she keeps dragging us in recently.

 

 

And speaking of stepping down, we all know that when a throne becomes empty it is only right to find a replacement and I need you to prepare or rather, brace yourselves for the biggest surprise I am about to reveal, the identity of the new campus queen.   Might I say, Dara has never been more than happy to finally give her crown to the next campus queen.  I actually feel the same way too.   Let me tell you a little something about her and why she is the crowd favorite.

 

 

To start it off, this girl has a pair of legs that goes on forever.  That particular asset of hers has gotten her the envy of all females and the main attraction for the males.   The thing is, she isn’t even making any effort to hide it with all those short jean shorts or her signature leggings that even help accentuate those shapely legs.    Obviously, being the most popular female student means having not only perfect fashion tastes or a perfect body.  It also means really good looks and an outstanding school record which this said girl has.  

 

 

Overall, she is a model student which everyone adores.   Even her story is an inspiration to many.  This girl has been through criticism, bullying and a whole lot of insecurity issues caused by her former physique.   Yes, this girl was chubby, hiding between huge sweaters and bags while suffering scrutiny just because of her physical appearance.   Being in a world where appearance is the basis for everything, it wasn’t easy for her to fit in.

 

 

“How come she gets to hang out with Park Sandara?  She’s not even at her level.  I mean, look at her.  She looks hideous,”

 

 

All those rude side-comments, she took them all in.  Believe me, I was on my way to punch those skinny little talking twigs but she held me back and laughed it off.   She may look fragile but she is a brave girl with a huge heart.  And the best part is…

 

 

 She is my best friend.

 

 

“Bommie,” I say, my slightly strangled tone pleading for help as I get crushed in this bear hug Dara was giving me.

 

 

“Rabbit, can you not kill Chaerin?  Her new blonde hair is priceless,” Bom says, prying Dara’s arms off me.

 

 

“You just want to hug her, you CL-biased person,” Dara retorts before being playfully shoved aside while I submit to a hug from Bom this time.

 

 

“You only knew that now?” Bom jokes at Dara before squeezing me tight.

 

 

“And I missed you both too… although it only has been a week since we last saw each other,” I say as soon Bom finally let’s go of me.

 

 

“So, tell us how is the celebration going to be? Are we going out of the country?  And is you new hair colour something related to the theme?” Dara excitedly squeals as I give out a huge sigh.

 

 

“Look guys, you both know that all I want is a mini celebration in some nice scenic place” I pointed out as they both looked at each other like they lost a puppy.

 

 

“Chaerin-ah,” Bom starts as she holds both my shoulders and makes me look at her serious eyes.

 

 

“You do know that my first project as campus queen is to organize your 18^th birthday?  I repeat, your 18^th birthday!”

 

 

“Ha. Ha. Ha. That’s very funny Bommie but I don’t exactly remember my birthday being a school affair,” I say in a sarcastic tone as Dara interrupts, shoving Bom to the side.

 

 

“Chaerin-ah, this is your 18^th birthday and it’s happening next month!  The day you become an adult, the day your life in the real world is going to begin!  Everybody is expecting you to be formally introduced to society.  Let Bommie and I organize your grand party,” Dara dramatically says, her eyes boring through mine pleadingly that at some point I thought she was going to shed tears.

 

 

Oh yes, this is the counter part of ‘the Dara Happy Virus’, ‘the Dara Give In To Me Virus’.

 

 

“Fine…” I breathe out dejectedly while these two crazy people hold hands and jumps in circles.

 

 

“C’mon guys let’s just go register already,” I mutter, getting in between their little celebration, grabbing each of them by the arm and dragging them off like two kids being pulled along by their mother. 

 

 

Everything was running smoothly today, it’s just like any other day and all that I expected happened but then I guess I thought of that too soon because as we were heading to the left in to another hallway going to the registration office I had to stop and retreat to a corner, pulling both Dara and Bom with me.

 

 

“What’s going on? Did those pesky photographers gain access inside the school?” Dara asks in a whisper as Bom, being on my left could already figure out what I was so shocked about.  

 

 

Youngbae talking to a girl?

 

 

Okay, let me explain further.   That scene is perfectly normal, a boy talking to a girl, an innocent chat between two people.  But then, it’s a different story if the individual, a.k.a. Dong Youngbae is involved.  Our dear friend, Youngbae is a certified shy boy who has so far only close to five girls minus all the extremely short acquaintances he is forced to say hi to once in a while.  Two of those women are his relatives, his mother and sister while the other three would be of course, us.     

 

 

I took another peek from behind the row of lockers we were trying to conceal ourselves and from this angle I could see Youngbae give her a smile, his eyes naturally turning in to those moon crescents while the girl smiles back, her hand coming up to his arm to give it like some sort of a light squeeze.

 

 

“Who… is… she?” Dara slowly asks, obviously surprised just as I was and was that a tinge of jealousy I sense?

 

 

“She could probably… be a friend? Uhm or an ex-project partner?” Bom suggests while I turn to give her a look of disbelief.  It may be true that Youngbae is a good-looking guy, nice, respectful, very disciplined and a man of a few words, in short, any girl would want him but because of his extremely shy complex to the opposite , our dear friend still belongs to our forever single club. 

 

 

“He’s coming this way!” Bom suddenly hisses as I quickly straighten up, taking a glimpse of the girl waving goodbye after they exchange numbers.

 

 

“Act normal,” I remind them as I found myself fiddling with my phone, deleting past text messages, Dara was looking at a brochure about a pet shop selling bunnies while Bom is… staring blankly at the wall.

 

 

“Hey,” Youngbae greets us from behind as we all put up our brightest smiles, facing him almost at the same time.

 

 

“Bae, missed you!” I immediately say, hugging him to cut off the awkward five second pause which I hoped he didn’t give any meaning to.

 

 

“Chaerin, your back.  How’s New York?”  He asks as I break off the hug.

 

 

“Still the same, busy and traffic still …” I say after being immersed in another awkward five second pause.

 

 

“Well, aren’t you guys going to register for this semester?” he asks, pointing over to the main office.

 

 

“Yeah!”

 

 

“Of course!”

 

 

“We are!”

 

 

I think we should register for classes about learning how to be less obvious.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Today is a blur.  Everything is happening so fast.  People are running around the house, hurrying to get everything in place, tables and chairs were being moved, the red carpet rolled out and the new grand chandelier shipped from Spain is being hoisted up to the ceiling, that and the twenty or more smaller chandeliers being decorated on the main area where my eighteenth birthday is going to be held.

 

 

 I look back at my reflection on the mirror in front of me.  The dark red color painting my lips and the velvet one-shoulder full length gown hugging my curves perfectly creates such a great contrast to my honey blonde hair.   The ever creative Dara and Bom had a say in all this, they had thought of a theme that will accentuate my newly dyed locks which are now styled in to a gentle wavy tangle by the side of my shoulder, real white diamonds adorning it.  It’s like I’ve been bathed in diamonds actually, with my mother handing me down her elaborate diamond necklace and earrings, heavy enough for me to jokingly complain about not being able to dance with all these stones weighing me down.  

 

 

I glanced down on the white mask, that I was to hide half on my face in later as I walk down to be formally introduced to world for the first time.    The thought wracks my nerves, to be honest.  I may have adjusted to the limelight I’ve been given these past two years but still, I don’t think I will really feel comfortable with it.

 

 

Oh this is going to be a very long night.    

 

 

I looked down, my fingers fidgeting as I run through my head how the program would go, I’ve been doing the same thing ever since this morning and now all I pray is that I won’t trip or step on my dance partner.

 

 

However, my thoughts come to a stop as a long stemmed red rose appears in my line of sight.  I take it as I look up at the mirror to find Jingyo standing behind me.  

 

 

“Thinking of who you are choosing to dance with you for your final dance?” Jingyo asks with that sly grin on his face.

 

 

“Great, I have that to worry about too,” I groan.   I have a line-up of seventeen guys to dance with me later on, this includes my appa, my favorite uncles, Youngbae and the rest are my close friends or oppas but since it’s an eighteenth birthday I need one more, one other oppa who was left blank for me to choose, the most important one at that.  They’ve even branded the last rose as the love rose which only adds pressure and stress on my part.

 

 

Give it up for Dara and Bom to find something unique and complicate my life.

 

 

“Soo Hyuk isn’t part of the line-up,” Jingyo points out as I breathe out dejectedly, thinking of the magazine articles that are going to be published after tonight.  Besides that I am currently avoiding that crazy oppa for certain reasons.  I looked down at the red rose Jingyo gave me, twirling it with my fingers.

 

 

I was thinking of choosing Jingyo but…

 

 

“Is this rose your eighteenth birthday present for me? Wow, I never thought that there would come a birthday that you would finally exhaust all gift ideas for me,” I tease, feigning a look of disappointment by copying Dara’s infamous pinching the bridge of the nose sigh.

 

 

“And to think that you of all people would disappoint me like this.  Isn’t your loyalty supposed to be only mine?” I demanded with a playful tone, facing him this time to appreciate the black suit he was wearing, the particular suit is much more elegant than his usual ones and just like always Jingyo oppa always makes sure his dress matches mine.  I could see the red embellishments on it and of course his tie which looked like its tip was dipped in red paint, it’s a really classy tie and I like the design a lot.    

 

 

Actually all of our house employees still wear black while all our guests are going to wear white with little hints of red if they desire.  Only I will be the one wearing the red gown tonight.

 

 

“You assume too quickly, my queen.  This knight has a gift in hand but he is not giving it to you until you grant him one little request,”  Jingyo replies, playing along with a curt bow.

 

 

“And what is that little request, knight?”

 

 

“I know I may not be able to dance with you tonight, thus, I wish to do so even if I am not part of the eighteen.  After all, am I not your favorite knight?” Jingyo says as he takes the red rose I placed on the mirror table and offers it to me once more while a smile slowly tugs on my lips.  

 

 

Oppa can be so adorable at times.  It is moments like this that I remember that small tingly feeling I buried in the very deepest part of my heart.

 

 

“Yah oppa, of course I am going to dance with you!  What are you talking about?” I laugh, punching him lightly on his arm.  Glancing on the red rose once more, I take it before wrapping my hand around his.

 

 

“As a matter of fact, I would love to dance with you right now,”   I stood up immediately, stepping closer to him with my hand still in his but then just when his other hand wraps around my waist a knock sounds at the door.  This sends us both pausing for a second before separating a bit.   I looked at him with an apologetic smile, knowing he got what I meant.  Our special dance would have to wait a bit longer.

 

 

However, my nervousness rises up in an instant as soon as Bom walks in, looking gorgeous in a white cocktail dress, accentuating her waist with her hair tied to the side.  

 

 

“Ready?” she asks with a bright smile looking from me to Jingyo and I could already hear the wheels of Bommie’s brain working to put a deeper meaning to everything.

 

 

“Or am… I supposed to enter a little later than I should?” she says, not even bothering to hide the obviousness as I quickly take my mask and push her out the door with me.   Jingyo follows behind with light steps as I adjust my pace so I would walk by his side instead.

 

 

“Nervous?” He asks as I hold on to his arm, something he already knows happens when I am feeling uneasy in events like these.  My silence was enough of an answer for him.

 

 

“Don’t be, remember what I told you about things like these,” he gently reminds me as we walk further to the main hall.

 

 

“All eyes are on me because I am beautiful,” I say, letting out a light laugh.  I still have a slightly difficult time completely believing that phrase since I am not as narcissistic as this oppa next to me but then the added surge of confidence comes in even a bit which helps me calm down.

 

 

“Yes, you always are,” he says as I look back at him, finding comfort in his sincere eyes and before I know it I have reached the staircase of our mansion where a handsome young man awaits me.  

 

 

Slowly, my hand slips away from Jingyo oppa’s arm as he takes a step back to let Soo Hyuk oppa take over, my which my mother so greatly approves.  I take Soo Hyuk oppa’s warm hand as he gives me an equally warm smile.

 

 

“You look perfect,” Soo Hyuk tells me softly as I mumble a shy ‘thank you’ before take ing a few steps with him.  

 

 

I glanced back briefly, catching Jingyo’s gaze at me as he gives me a two thumbs up with his signature y smile, his lips mouthing words that would be almost enough to make me stop and run towards him to give him a hug.

 

 

‘‘I’ll be right here, Chae-roo’’

 

 

 But then as I fight the urge I manage to lift up my head and proudly walk down the steps where all my family, relatives, friends and acquaintances were waiting.  I guess I was too nervous to not even notice the music coming from the small orchestra at first.

 

 

The suffering has begun.

 

 

To say that my jaw was aching was already an understatement.  I had to smile for the official photographers all the time, one of these photos are going to be on the magazine or at the newspaper tomorrow.  I can’t even eat yet or yawn at the very long messages everyone was giving.  Believe me, no matter how heartfelt it was eighteen of those is enough to make me sleep.   However, as the dancing began so did the awakening of my whole body.

 

 

My father was the first of course.   I had to remind him not to bawl in front of everyone since he seemed like it.   Uncle Teddy was funny telling me to introduce my future boyfriends to him so he could interrogate them.  Dancing with him, I could spot Bom’s eyes glued on to this uncle of mine.   Well, first love never dies.   When it was Youngbae’s turn, I surprisingly found out how smooth of a dancer he was, I observed how smooth his moves were.  After that I danced with a few cousins and close male friends, mostly from overseas.  But then as I was reaching the final rose, I could feel the pounding of my heart.

 

 

Who? Who? Who?  

 

 

I look at the white rose in my hands, feeling everything like the bachelorette would before lifting my head up, my eyes connecting with another pair.

 

 

Jingyo.

 

 

The unwavering gaze didn’t last long though as Mi Yeon unnie who was sitting beside him caught his attention, she seemed to have whispered something to him, something that made him frown.   I would know.  That grave expression of his only comes out so rarely which means it really is serious.   Oppa is always calm and problems don’t really affect him except if they are really way too hard to repair.   This sent worry all over me as I see Mi Yeon excuse herself and get up hurriedly, looking like she was about to cry.   It didn’t take a minute before Jingyo follows her.

 

 

Something’s wrong.  I know him well enough to know… there’s a problem.

 

 

I didn’t have time to figure everything out as the host of the event finally asks me who I was to choose for my final dance.   Hoping to not to look troubled or sad, I put up huge smile that I could muster and looked over at Soo Hyuk who doesn’t need a crystal glass to know that I have picked him.  He slowly stands up and as I face his direction he smiles and walks towards me amidst the clapping and cheers.   The sweet music starts as we begin to dance, swaying gently as I rest my head near his chest, my eyes looking longingly at the direction to where Jingyo disappeared.

 

 

Is everything okay?

 

 

No matter how I try to enjoy the program my mind keeps returning back to what I seen earlier.  It was making me even more uneasy that I could not find oppa in the crowd anymore.   Whenever I’m feeling nervous Jingyo was always like my security blanket.  Without him I feel lost and panic.

 

 

That’s why when I got the chance to excuse myself and head down to the direction where I have last seen oppa.   However, not long after my searching someone gently takes my hand.   Turning around and half expecting Jingyo, I was surprised to see Soo Hyuk instead.

 

 

“Hey, you seem uncomfortable.  Is something wrong?” he asks in that usual deep voice I with some times. 

 

 

“Nothing, just uhm wanting to change in to my cocktail dress,” I answer immediately hoping he’d retreat and go back to dinning with the crowd.

 

 

“Can we talk for a minute?” he asks as I knew that I could not find a way out of this.  He pulls me to a room so we could talk without the loud music coming from downstairs.

 

 

“Oppa… it’s about that thing in New York, right?” I slowly say, avoiding his gaze, suddenly remembering of the short vacation I had a month ago with him and a couple of our friends from the fashion world.

 

 

“That kiss…” he starts as I start to even feel more uncomfortable since this is what I was avoiding for a month.  It was easier since he was New York for a couple of events and photo shoots but then I know we will still come to this no matter how much I avoid it.

 

 

“Look, I know you said… that you needed time… but the dance…” Soo Hyuk continued before rubbing his neck sheepishly, his eyes filled with hope that I would give him a chance. 

 

 

His feelings for me have already been an open secret but he managed start winning my friendship first before anything else.   Then a couple of months ago, he started taking it to the next level.   It was that very romantic surprise date night on top of a hotel’s rooftop that he finally confesses his love for me followed by that heart-stopping kiss which ended with me being the biggest heartbreaker in the world by telling him that I wasn’t ready for a relationship yet.

 

 

“Chaerin, I just want you to know that if you just give me a chance, just one chance, that I may prove to you that there’s nothing to be scared about, that you can trust me.   I will do the very best I can to make you happy.  Chaerin I--”

 

 

“Chaerin-ah you need to change al—oh…” Dara’s cheery voice suddenly drops in to an awkward tone as she sees Soo Hyuk’s hands on mine, the both of us standing close to each other. 

 

 

“Was I… n-not supposed to be here?” Dara stutters as I feel tempted to bang my head on the wall. 

 

 

Oh god…

 

 

“Let’s… talk about this some other time,” I say to a devastated looking Soo Hyuk before I guiltily walk outside with Dara.

 

 

I just couldn’t face this yet.  How could I tell him?  Tell him that my heart is not ready to love again, that it is possible that the truth which I try to deny all this time is finally becoming visible.  How am I supposed to tell him that, that small tinge I feel at the very bottom of my heart could possibly unbury itself on its own? 

 

 

That every ounce of effort for the past two years I thought I accomplished perfectly all went to waste because no matter how much I tell myself what I want to believe I could never deny my heart from the truth… or maybe I’m just scared to feel love again, to take another chance…

 

 

Maybe I should give him a chance… maybe it’s time to give myself a chance.

 

 

My thoughts were a mess as I make my way back to the main hall where the guests were now busy socializing with each other, my new red cocktail dress swaying a bit to every step I make.   Just then I suddenly felt the urge to head somewhere else, to the direction of the left wing of our house, the direction where Jingyo oppa’s room is.   Slowly, I walk closer, noticing the door to his room slightly open.   Due to curiosity, I wanted to take a small peek but then I didn’t find the need to when I heard oppa’s voice.

 

 

“Mi Yeon… I’m sorry,” I could tell the pain in his tone as I listen carefully, feeling bad about what I was doing but unable to really stay away.

 

 

“I can’t do this anymore, Jiyong!” Mi Yeon was definitely crying from the shakiness of her voice.  How I badly want to know what’s happening.

 

 

“Please let me explain…”

 

 

“What else is there to explain?  We both know this is going nowhere anyway!”

 

 

“Mi Yeon…”

 

 

“It’s over, Jiyong.  I don’t want to see you again,” her last words make my eyes widen in shock as I rush over to hide in the other room nearby.  All I could hear are high heels clacking on the floor, probably Mi Yeon’s and Jingyo’s pleading voice cut short by the banging of the door shut which even made me jump a little.

 

 

Peeking out, I slowly open the door from the inside, coming out as softly as I can and glancing over at oppa’s now closed door.   Everything suddenly becomes silent with Mi Yeon’s absence.  Quietly I stand in front of Jingyo’s door, contemplating whether or not to enter.  The door knob starts to warm in my hand as I stood there for I don’t know how long before finally letting my heart take over.

 

 

He sat on the side of his bed, looking so still with his back towards me, not making any movement even if the door softly creaked open.  His once warm room felt so heavy.   It was when I slowly walked closer to him, the side of his face already in my view that he realized that I was there, quickly looking away to wipe his glassy eyes.

 

 

My heart twisted in pain seeing him like that.  I’ve never seen him like this, so broken, so lost and definitely hurt.   He has never once shown this vulnerability in front of me before in my eighteen years of existence.

 

 

“Chae-roo, is there anything you need?” he clears his throat, trying to mask the wavering of his voice, while it pains me even more to see his struggle to hold it together, his head turning away from me.

 

 

“Oppa…” I softly call him, taking another step closer yet he decides to avoid me by putting distance between us. 

 

 

“Oppa is fine… just not feeling well.  No need to worry, princess… Do you want something?”  he clears his throat once more.  I could hear a quick sniff before he exhales loudly, still not facing me.  I guess he just doesn’t want to be bothered.  I respect that but then again he must know that I am not leaving him here in this state.   There is no way for me to go back there and celebrate when a person who shares such deep connection with me is hurting.   I guess it’s because we grew up so close together that we feel the same things.    We’d both get sick at the same time or catch whatever disease the other has.  It’s as if we could feel whatever the other is feeling that words aren’t relevant anymore.

 

 

“I want you to dance with me,” I say in what I force out as an authoritative tone.   If I can’t break through him as Chae-roo then I’m going to do it as CL or better yet, Lee Chaerin.

 

 

His head turns my way slightly, probably a bit surprised that I’m talking to him in such tone.  It was more of a demand, something I never really use towards him.  In seconds, he fumbles to fix himself before slowly turning his whole body towards me.  He didn’t look good at all.  His tired avoiding eyes reflected tears that have been suppressed and even though his head dropped low I could trace the sadness in it.

 

 

He offers his hand politely just as how he’s supposed to but then I disregard it, my eyes never leaving his face.  Up until now he dares not to look at me.  Instead of taking his hand, I step closer to him, wrapping my arms around him, the side of my face planted on to his shoulders.

 

 

I don’t know how to heal a broken heart because I’ve learned that there really is no cure for such except time.  The only thing I could do is to share the pain with him.   With the gentle swaying, I could only hug him tighter, wanting to at least take away for a moment whatever is hurting him.

 

 

I close my eyes as his hands slowly wrap around me, getting tighter and tighter by the second.  I could feel his face bury on to my hair, by the side of my face.  The dance has stopped seconds ago and I could hear his painful sobs with every shake of his body as he clutches me tightly, his other hand on the back of my head as if he was trying to hang on to the last thread.

 

 

My tears escape my eyes as I whisper the words he keeps telling me when I have been through what he is going through right now.  This time… it’s my turn.

 

 

“I’m right here.  I’m here for you,”

 

 

He cried for a long while as I remained still in his arms, sometimes rubbing his back softly while repeating those words again and again till’ finally he stops and returns to swaying me softly to the soft music coming from the main hall.   His soft ‘Thank You’ never escaped my ears as I begin to drown myself in his warmth.

 

 

I’ll never forget this dance for the rest of my life.

 

 

Jingyo, ever the professional he is, insists after a while that I return back to the party after looking alarmed at the time we spent together, or more like the time I’ve been missing from my own celebration.   Even with the sadness in his eyes he was ready to throw jokes here and there on how he might be punished by both Dara and Bom later.    

 

 

Needless to say, everything was back to normal, or so it seems.  I’ve never been dead tired after an event.  It feels like I hiked a mountain and back.  I had to crawl all the way to the bathroom to wash up. 

 

 

However, I was about to get the surprise of my life when I open my bathroom door.  Right in the center of the room, there sat a little kitten with a huge red ribbon wrapped around it.  It sat right there, staring at me curiously while I stare back in surprise.   It had these light orange colored fluffy fur.  It reminded me of a little tiger.   I look around and saw a litter box, a small food tray and some cat toys.

 

 

I don’t think stray kittens have ribbons and can wander up to the top floor of our house without being spotted. 

 

 

Slowly, I inch closer, not really knowing how to handle cats since I’ve never had a pet.  I always wanted one though but my omma tells me that a pet could destroy the expensive carpet downstairs and my appa has this little phobia for fluffy animals.   The kitten stands up and makes this tiny sound as I step back in surprise.    But the lovely looking kitten crawls towards me, stopping by my foot and looking up at me with those cute little eyes.   That’s when I noticed a note hanging around its neck.

 

 

Crouching slowly, I softly touch its head and smile as it purrs and rubs itself on my ankle.  I finally took a look at the note and that’s when my smile even widens.

 

 

 

 

Chae-roo, this is Hee-roo, a young male kitten who loves cat cookies and milk.  Hee-roo is in need of love and care.  In return, he is willing to give all the hugs and kisses to that person for the rest of his cat life.   And I am happy to say that he chose you.   Please take good care of him.

 

P.S. Please be reminded that the time when I run out of ideas on what to give on your birthday will never come.

 

-Your favorite knight

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

#

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With light footsteps, he makes his way up the room he is very much familiar with.  It is way past midnight and in a few hours the sky will brighten yet sleep still remains aloof to him.   Stopping by her door, he runs a hand through his hair in frustration, scolding himself for something he vowed to himself never to do again.   However, his heart does not remain calm and pretty soon he finds himself inside of her room, sitting by her bedside and slowly caressing the side of her head with his fingertips.  Sighing, he watches the serenity of her sleeping form, finding comfort that the nightmares are far away from her.  His lips tug in to a smile as he sees the small kitten he gave her cuddled up near her neck, wondering what her initial reaction looked like a while ago.  After half an hour, he gazes over her for the last time tonight, knowing that tomorrow night he would scold himself once more and end up by her bedside despite every protest his mind would give him.   

 

 

He gingerly touches her face stopping just before her lips and without another second leaves as quietly as he came.

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

Butler’s Note

 

How much more can I take before I… lose it?

 

-Jingyo

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A.N.:

 

On time.  No need to fret now, I finally made it.  And as compensation for  being a few minutes late last week here is the what could be the longest chapter so far.  I've had fun writing this as it contains a mini-bomb right at the end, hoping it'll blow your minds thinking of the current twist this story suddenly makes.

 

So, give me a word or two about it down on that little comment box below.  Rant all you like and I am sure to read each one of you 186 pretty people's lovely thoughts.   I could feel a shipping war brewing down below but HECK! I don't really mind.  Rant away, just don't hurt each other, okay ^^

 

It seems like the number of my subscribers is rising up each time I update and at this rate I might reach 200 subscribers after two more chapters.  THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SUBSCRIBING, COMMENTING (even on my other stories) and UPVOTING.  It means a lot to me.  

 

Have a happy Monday.