CHAPTER 22 | DO YOU LOVE ME?

 

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I finished his portrait, finally. I let it before covering it up with a cloth. Tomorrow is the day.

 

I’ve been avoiding Jiyong like the plague and I don’t even have to try. He’s keeping to his room while I kept to mine. Now that I’m done with my last painting, I have no reason not to go out. But I’m scared to leave the room because I don’t know how I’d feel. Ever since admitting to myself that I love a man whom I cannot have, my feelings have just gotten stronger. I can’t even tell him that I like him. Because of what? Rejection? The impossibility of being together? Everything that I have to lose?

 

I carried the portrait under my arm, wanting to bring it out to the gallery. Quietly slipping out of the room, I tiptoed across the house to the front door.

 

“What’s that?” I was caught mid-walk by the sound of his voice.

 

I turned slowly, hoping my face shows nothing.

 

“It’s my last piece of work. I’m going to the gallery to put it up.”

 

He kept silent for a long moment before speaking up.

 

“It’s tomorrow isn’t it?” he asked, more like a confirmation than a question.

 

“Yeah,” I said. “I’ve packed most of my things so I can move out smoothly tomorrow.”

 

He doesn’t say a thing, but his face was a mixture of sadness and anger. So we stood there just looking at each other, wondering what we are going to do next. He let out a sigh.

 

“That’s it huh? You’re not even going to let me call you up?”

 

“I think this is enough.”

 

But in fact, I do want to let him call me. I want him to call me every single day, to tell me all his problems and I’ll tell him mine. All of mine, everything. Even so, I can’t. He hates liars and I’ve been nothing but a big fat lie.

 

“You don’t have anything else to say to me?”

 

I shrugged.

 

“You can come to the gallery show tomorrow. I’ve invited everyone,” I said. For god’s sake, Yoon Yu Ri, just tell him you want him to come!

 

“Everyone? So I’m everyone?”

 

He moved closer, his eyes darkening and I recall all the times he got angry at himself, at the world, and at me. He grabbed my hand hard.

 

“Stay, Kim Eun Ji. I’m not giving you a choice!” he shouted at me. “Goddammit, why can’t you just STAY?”

 

His grip got tighter and I tried to fling him away but instead, I dropped the painting of his face onto the floor. The cloth came off, and his sad face stared up at us both.

 

“It seems like you are not sober from yesterday. Now let go of me. I’m late,” I said, but I can feel my anger start to boil. I’m not going to stay and he needs to stop trying to hold on.

 

“That,” he said, pointing to his own face on the floor. “That’s a good enough reason for you to stay, isn’t it? I don’t want you to go, please –”

 

“Don’t want me to go? Tell me then, tell me why you don’t want me to go. Tell me one ing reason why I shouldn’t go. I’m not doing this again with you. I really have to go now,” I said, irritated. I swung his hands away and picked up the painting.

 

“I’ll tell you, wait. Come back here first.”

 

He moved in front of me, blocking the path. I crossed my arms across my chest, waiting. He doesn’t even know what would make me stay. I will throw away everything, just for him to say that he loves me.

 

“I can’t take care of myself,” he said and I almost laughed if he hadn’t looked so serious about it. “I cannot think straight without you. I’ll go crazy if no one is here. I cannot sleep. I cannot go to work. I cannot live. Are those good enough reasons yet?”

 

“No. Those aren’t good enough reasons. You don’t know what I want, Kwon Jiyong. You can’t give me what I want,” I said bitterly.

 

“I can because I’m G-Dragon. I can give you money and fame. I can give you invites to exclusive events. I can bring you around the world. I can give you everything you want.”

 

“BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT I WANT!”

 

“THEN WHAT THE DO YOU WANT?”

 

“I WANT YOU TO TELL ME YOU LOVE ME!”

 

I finally got it out. It feels like a load’s been lifted off my shoulder. My breathing slowed down a little, and I waited for him to say something. One minute. Two minutes. Three minutes.

 

Then he said, “Oh.”

 

Oh.

 

I felt my eyes hurting from keeping the tears in. I should’ve kept my mouth shut and left quietly.

 

Without saying another word, he turned and walked out of the door. My eyes suddenly can’t hold all those tears in anymore so they started coming out all in one rush. That swine of a human being. He just left after I told him I loved him. Even so, I should have been the one to leave first. I looked at his picture in my hand. And I punched it. Hard. Stupid that I still love, even though he obviously didn’t reciprocate my feelings. That bastard, I can’t even say he led me on, it was all on my own part. So I cried, and cried and cried, until nothing is coming out. My throat was dried and my whole face was a mess.

 

The doorbell chose that moment to ring. Just ing great. For a fleeting moment, I thought he had come home but if it was him, he could’ve just opened the door. I blew my nose messily on my shirt and wiped my face before opening the door.

 

“Eun Ji…”

 

“Hi Doo Joon,” I said, trying to smile, but it comes out forced.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah, just allergies. It makes my eyes tear. But I’m so glad you’re here. Can you drive me to the gallery?” I asked. “I’m late already.”

 

“Sure, whenever you are ready,” he said, smiling back without asking anymore.

 

“Just let me get my bag,” I told him. I went back into the room and grabbed my luggage. Everything was already packed. I pulled it out, watching a surprised Doo Joon, but he still didn’t ask anything, which I’m grateful for.

 

He drove me all the way to the gallery and we went in together. All my artwork was put carefully in a corner and I carefully left Jiyong’s face in another pile. Doo Joon picked up one of the paintings and started helping me hang them up. In slightly more than an hour, everything was up. Doo Joon was going to pick up Jiyong’s portrait but I stopped him.

 

“That one… I’ll put it up myself,” I said, carrying it over to the lone spot.

 

“Is that your main painting?” he asked. “Can I see it?”

 

“No. Tomorrow,” I said. “Thanks for your help."

 

In actual fact, I don’t want anyone to touch that painting at all. It was getting late, and the sun was setting. Nonetheless, I was famished. Doo Joon and I left the gallery, setting off for dinner. We ate happily at a home restaurant and by the end of the meal, my mood got better, all thanks to Doo Joon’s infectious cheerfulness. The dinner went well, without an ounce of awkwardness, which I am secretly glad about. But that was it, a well-spent evening before I made Doo Joon send me to a nearby hotel.

 

It’s not that I didn’t know that Jiyong won’t be home, but it was more about the fact that I don’t know how I’m going to act around him anymore. As I looked out of the window towards the starless sky, I wondered if I’m ever going to see him again before I return to where I belong. He’s not going to turn up for the gallery exhibition tomorrow and no matter how disappointing or regrettable that is, I’ve got to it up. Because that is all I have left to do.

 

 

*****

 

The whole morning, I have been a bundle of nerves. It’s my first exhibition and I’m excited, but also nervous. There are going to be critics, the media, and potential buyers. Woo Ryung is also coming tonight, because he asked me about it. This probably meant that the whole Yoon family knew about what I’m up to all the time. It’s gonna scary.

 

Now standing behind the gallery doors, I watched people start to stream in. I greeted them and all of them seem keen and interested. The people who were inside seemed to be enjoying looking at my artwork, and I noticed many stopped by Jiyong’s face. I walked around a bit, explaining the various pieces to them but all this while my heart’s been in a frenzy, wondering if he was going to turn up. Doo Joon sidled up next to me and placed a gentle hand on my shoulder.

 

“It’s going great, Eun Ji. Look at all these people around,” he said smiling. “I’ve talked to a few people that are partners with Park City Development and they are especially fascinated with the G-Dragon painting. They kept asking me about it but I tell them they should come to the artist themselves.”

 

I smiled back at him.

 

“It’s so surreal, all of this and I can’t believe that it’s happening now. But I’m contented with just one exhibition, this is amazing enough already,” I said, soaking in the atmosphere.

 

“One exhibition? Aren’t you going to have any more?” he asked.

 

“Any more would be a dream. I’m going back, after this ends,” I told him, words tinged with regret. It’s a wild ride so far, and I can’t shake off the Yoon name. I spotted Woo Ryung in the crowd, and the chap cheekily gave me a thumb up. I miss my cousin.

 

Soon, the 2NE1 crew arrived together with Bigbang.

 

“Congrats, Eun Ji,” they said, some hugging me and some slapping me on the shoulder. I felt so grateful that they could make it. These people, whom I’ve known in a short time, have become friends of mine that I never had. But still, as the night progressed, with all the people I cherish, I still long to see Jiyong’s face. Even just a glance before I leave.

 

Before I know it, the ending ceremony began, where my main piece would be put up for bid. Kwon Jiyong’s face was up on the stage, his sadness illuminated by the lights shone from different directions. I started having second thoughts about selling that portrait but I told myself it’s best to forget everything.

 

The Bigbang members and 2NE1 clapped the loudest when the bidding began. And the prices just kept rising. Higher and higher, there were so many people who wanted a piece of Kwon Jiyong.

 

“Eighty thousand.”

 

“Ninety.”

 

“Hundred!”

 

“Hundred and fifty.”

 

At the sound of that, I turned.

 

He showed up. He actually came. Oh my god. I finally let out a smile, a real one. And guess what, he smiled back.

 

“Sold!”

 

Everyone started clapping again. The cameras began flashing as Kwon Jiyong himself walked up onto stage to take the portrait of him from me.

 

“G-Dragon, over here, smile!”

 

“It’s been a long time, is Bigbang coming back?”

 

“Do you know the artist?”

 

“Look here at the camera!”

 

That was it. My first exhibition ended in a blaze of blinding lights. It was strangely beautiful. Those who came congratulated me once more as they streamed out the door. Teacher Li was here, and he brought his wife along. And she was smiling too. Everyone was smiling. It was a lovely night.

 

“Eun Ji?” A hand tapped me on the shoulder.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“Thank you. For everything.” Kwon Jiyong grinned at me. I don’t even think I heard him, all I heard was my own heart beating against my chest loudly. Thump, thump, thump.

 

“No problem. Thank you for coming,” I said, as I smoothed my dress over and over again trying to get rid of those nerves in me.

 

“I’m sorry.”

 

“For what.”

 

“For not doing this earlier.”

 

Those were his last words as he bent his head forward and crashed his lips against mine. He moved his mouth ferociously; as if I was the last breath he’s going to take.

 

“I love you, Kim Eun Ji. You’re the only sane thing that ever happened to me,” he said as he rested his forehead against mine, breathing heavily.

 

“I love you too, Kwon Jiyong, and I don’t care if you are mad or not. I will throw away all that I have for you,” I said, him not even knowing the true meaning behind my words.

 

“And I will give you the world. Let’s leave Eun Ji,” he said, his brown eyes looking into mine sincerely.

 

“Leave?” I asked. “Where are we going?”

 

“Wherever you want.”

 

“Then let’s go. I want to go back to New York.”

 

So we hopped on the next plane, and left everything behind. I left everything behind. The best part?

 

I felt invincible.

 

 

*****

 

A/N: OMG YEAPS I UPDATED I'M SO HAPPY! :) Anyways, I hope you enjoyed reading this. And I'm going for a 2NE1 concert this Saturday so yes, I'm super stoked. 

 

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Fortune

http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/646036

Oh Yool is accused of murder and the only who can help her is Kwon Jiyong, the man who betrayed her at the very last moment.

 

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