A/N: rachi, u remind me to write. NOW YA NEED TO UPDATE YO EXO FANFICS. LOL and all my subbies always keep me writing ^o^ it is so late now... OH WELL IMMA WRITE oh btw, sorry for like so many time lapses. I NEED TO KEEP THINGS GOING lol wtf Tht made no sense. Idk what is with me and a 3 month time lapse. 3 is such a pretty number, but 5 is prettier bc Tht is the amount of members in bigbang ;3 heueuheu lol k just read and ignore me... ^____^

      You drag yourself to your home. Each step you lifelessly walk, the more it seems to hurt. You dont know what to think right now, and it feels like you are going crazy.

      Your hand absentmindedly puts the key into the door and you let yourself into the house. You couldn't make it to the rest of the way, so you continued your break down as you fell to the floor again. Your back slid down the door and you fell to the ground. What could you possibly do besides cry?

      Suddenly top had appeared in your mind. You mentally yell at yourself for being so selfish and thinking of your the whole time. 

      You fumble for your phone and your fingers tremble as you press the button to call top.

      "yobesaeyo?" top answers on the other line with his deep voice

      "oppa..." you say in a quiet tone. The endearment made you cringe at disgust, disgust with yourself.

      "yah, what's up?" there was some rustling in the background and you know that top moved to another place for a quieter and more private place.

      You couldn't take it and you began to bawl over the phone. This really took top by surprise.

      "yah, are you okay? Where are you?" he seemed to be yelling into the phone, as if he was trying to speak over your sobs.

      "I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to!" was all you could manage through your sobs and you could barely hear top run out of wherever he was and urgently yell at his driver your address.

      Minutes later, top had barged into the door and he saw you sitting on the floor with your back against the wall opposite from the entrance.

      You hug your knees to your chest, as you try to comfort yourself that everything is okay.

      "yah, ______-ah... What's wrong?" top says in a quiet tone and he puts a reassuring arm on yours.

      On instinct, you flinch and bring your arm back. "Don't touch me, please." you beg.

      Top looks hurt at your action, but he decides to ignore it.

      "Just tell me what's wrong." he continues to ask.

      You just looked down at your lap, trying to form words. Now, he was getting frustrated that you weren't saying anything.

      "yah, if--"

      "I remember oppa, I remember everything." you exaggerated on the last word.     You look at top in the eyes, and see what his reaction would be.

      Top has a heavy gaze on you, but you didn't turn away. There were long seconds of silence, and it was suffocating you how top hadn't reacted.

      "What exactly do you remember?" he asks, but it seems as if he is trying to get you say all the things you don't want to say.

      "Just, everything. I remember you helping me keep my secret, I remember going to that alleyway with you, I remember cheating with you, but I just remember jiyong. I remember how he would always film us whenever something special happened, or how he would always comfort me by singing, I remember how much I love him. I don't know how I forgot him--" and you continued to cry your eyes out, and top felt his heart being ripped out by you and you are never going to return it; but he had to stay strong for you.

      You continued to speak through your sobs, "and when I got out of that surgery, I was delusional and I thought you were my boyfriend. And I was so selfish to do that, and I had to make you pretend to be my boyfriend for three months. I didn't mean to, I am so sorry." you covered your face with your hands, clearly ashamed with yourself.

      Top let out a sigh; you think that those were the worst three months of his life. When in reality, those were the best three months of his life.

      "it's okay _____-ah, you don't have to be sorry for me." he whispers to you, and he rubs his hand over your back to tries to comfort you.

      You continue to silently cry in your hands, and top finally stands up and walks into the kitchen to get a wet towel.

      You hear your faucet running for a few seconds, and then footsteps come towards you.

      Top knelt down in front of you, and lifted your hands off your face. He put his finger under your chin, and gently lifted your head up to face him.

      "You shouldn't cry like that, it ruins your pretty face." he says, and he starts wiping your face with the moist towel.

      You avoided eye gaze with him, and naturally your head started to go back down.

      "_____-ah, look at me." his deep voice called to you, and you looked back up. "you should go to jiyong."

      He advises, but you laugh at the naive information.

      "yah, why would I go to him after all I did? I don't deserve him anymore, I don't deserve you either. I don't know why I called you here." you mutter the last part, but top shook his head in protest.

      "You didn't do anything wrong, but please listen to me. Just go to jiyong-ah, trust me." top says with such seriousness, you could feel yourself being hypnotized with his voice.

      You let your head slowly nod in response, and top pulls on your hand to make you stand up.

      He lightly patted on your head, and straightens your hair to make you look more presentable. Top continued to wipe your dried tears on your cheeks, and he gave himself an approved look.

      "Go." he encouraged.

      "What about you? You already--" you continue to protest but he puts a slim finger over your mouth to quiet you.

      "Just go." before I regret my decision, he thinks but opposes his thoughts.

      You nod and grab your bag off the table and you were about to run out the door before you stop yourself. You run back to him, and he felt his heart seem to beat a little faster as he saw you coming back to him. 

      You run into his arms and wrap your arms around his neck, giving him a warm embrace. You had to be on your the tips of your toes to reach his height, but neither of you cared. You gave a quick kiss on his cheek and whispered in his ear, "thank you for being there. Thank you for everything, and for withstanding me for a long three months." and you ran out the door again.

      Top ruffled his hair in frustration when he saw your retreating figure leave him for the man you truly loved.

      "Aish, I really do crazy things when I am in love." top muttered to himself and he gave a heavy breath. 

      This is the fourth time he let you go from his side, and this is the last time he would ever have you at his side.

      You remember seeing jiyong still at the YG building, and you assume that he is still here since his studio is like his second home.

      You quickly run into the building and run up the stairs and look all over for the one man who you have been thinking of. You pass a studio window and you see a particular blonde head with headphones and teddy sitting next to him.

      You barge into the room without knocking or anything; manners didn't occur to you at the moment.

      "_____-ah?" jiyong asks confused at how you were gasping for air because a usual twenty minute trip to the YG building has turned to five minutes.

      "_____-ssi?" teddy was as confused as jiyong next to him.

      You were still trying to catch your breath, and when you talk, it sounded like you had ran across China.

      "hello... Sorry... jiyong... I... Need... To... Talk... Please..." you said in between breaths. Teddy immediately stood up from his chair. 

      "uh I will get going. I think tablo needed me for something. Enjoy yourselves." teddy dismissed himself and left the room immediately.

      Jiyong gives you a suspicious, but curious, look, and he furrows his eyebrows together in concentration.

      "do you have five minutes to spare? We need to talk." you urgently say, and jiyong slowly nods and tilts his head in utter cluelessness.

      "yah, _____-ah, what's wrong?" he asks, and you take a few more heavy breaths.

      "jiyong-ah, can I be honest with you?" you ask, and jiyong can tell this is going nowhere.

      "yah, what--"

      "just answer the question." you demand and jiyong can see a deadly glare in your eyes, as if this is a life or death situation.

      "of course..." jiyong finally replies, and you let out a half breath of relief.

      "it is just... I remember everything..." you say it the most straightforward you can.

      Jiyong stares straight at you in the eye, looking for some kind of lie or some sick joke that you wanted to play on him.

      The way you avoided eye contact with him and how your eyes start to become glassy with tears, he knew that you were telling the truth.

      He wanted to cry and hold you and tell you that everything is okay, but one thing kept him quiet; eun hee. He owes the most to his family, and getting married to eun hee is the only way to show his gratitude for all his family did for him. Also he remembered there was that promise was made. If he broke that promise, he doesn't know how eun hee would hurt you; and he doesn't plan to find out.

      Jiyong stares at you with a painful expression, silence was killing the both of you. Something had to be said and as much he hated to lie, he had to say this to you.

      "So, what are you trying to say?" jiyong says in such a cruel, cold voice that the temperature in the room felt like it went down a couple of degrees.

      Jiyong continues to speak, to get these painful feelings over with "what does that mean? You have left and hurt me for more than three months, you expect me to just come running in your arms? Well, welcome to reality, that doesn't happen. You really thought I would still be hung over you, but guess what? I moved on. Don't you know that I am happily engaged with eun hee?" jiyong was scaring himself on what he was saying, he took a deep breath to try and find strength to keep talking. "you really should have saved yourself from looking stupid and you shouldn't have said anything. Let me save you from embarrassing yourself any further, just leave the studio. Okay?" jiyong pointed towards the door, "you know your way out."

      He felt like punching himself, he was being stupid, selfish, as every horrible adjective out there: but he needs to stay strong.

      You let out a empty laugh and you quickly bring your sleeves to wipe the droplets at the bottom of your eyes. “Thanks, I really am stupid. What was I thinking?" you reply with a strained voice and you wipe your eyes more and more. "damn it, why am I still crying?" you mutter and you wipe your red eyes one last time before looking jiyong. "you are right, thank you. I really deserves this, how could I forget someone I love so much?"

      You walk towards the door, but before walking out you turn towards him one last time. "you know I always had loved you, and I still do." you say and you walk out the door, and walk out his life.

      Jiyong sees the door shut behind you, and he still tries to contain his feelings inside of him even though there is no one in the room to hide from; but he was just trying to hide from himself. It was like he was trying to practice at being numb, but the painful feeling called love keeps coming back to him.

      Teddy returns to the studio with multiple cups of coffee, and he can see right through jiyong's horrible look.

      "Yo dude, you look pretty tired. Go home, take off work early. Trust me, yang hyun suk hyung will understand." teddy tries to convince jiyong, but he just sends glares to teddy.

      “No, it is okay, I am fine. We should start recording." but teddy grabs jiyong's arm from moving away from him.`

      "I just saw _____-ah run out of this building crying, I know you aren't okay. So don't try to ing lie to me." teddy says in a dark tone, and jiyong ripped his arm away from teddy.

      "I am going out for a smoke." and jiyong left like that.

      Jiyong climbed the multiple flights of stairs to the rooftop and he barged the door open for the crisp, cool autumn air to greet him.

      With shaky hands, jiyong pulls the lighter and pack from his pocket. His hands don’t seem to cooperate with him and he takes a while for the lighter to light the flame.

      Only when he was really stressed or at social events, he would need a cigarette to calm his nerves.

      Jiyong inhales the addicting unhealthy air into him, and he tries to enjoy the beautiful sunset in front of him. He quickly exhales, and the smoke seems to dance around him; mocking him.

      Jiyong takes another deep breath, and he feels a bit of relief; barely though. He admires the sunset glow a bit, and he starts to remember an old song by him.

      "nan neoreul saranghae," jiyong sings to himself, "you are the only one in this world. I shout out loud but only that unanswerable sunset is burning bright." jiyong mutters the lyrics out, and he realizes that the joint hasn't helped him that much. He feels so numb at the moment, that he was glad he can't feel the heartache anymore.

      Jiyong drops the cigarette to the ground and he crushes the dimly lit stick into the ground with his boot, until it was nothing but ash.

A/N: haha what now did ya expect Tht with jiyong rejecting u?? LOL probably u did XDD so yes, I shall add more drama and problems just to frustrate you guys :))) wedding is next chap, muwhahaha what will happen? Bc I dnt .___. Yea I should seriously plan out my writing. But it is okay ;3 haha jk