2K words

worth of appology

for the late update, y'all.

Subbies & Silent Readers,

I cannot thank you enough for reading this FF.

You're all the X to my O

The Peter to my Pan

The Kyu to my Hyun

#pleaseexcusemeasioverreactirrationally

---

 

Mira looked at the two raindrops racing steadily down the window of the bus. A third droplet decided to join the two and soon they become one big drop rolling down the window faster than before. 

She closed her eyes and tried to calm herself for all she felt was like her entire eternal organs had flipped themselves over.

Great. Just as things were not confusing enough between me and Jay, Kyuhyun decided to join in this pile of mess too. Well, the more..the merrier?  She sighs quietly.

Who was she kidding?

She knew she was getting herself into trouble the moment she offered to try things out with Jay. At that moment she had already build up emotions of unspeakable and intangible affection towards the other male. Assuming she could have easily dissed the Kyu-effect as time rolls by and then realizing how she underestimated the situation. The act of Kyuhyun showering her with subtle yet obvious hints weren't helping either.

Pondering over the two namjas, she thought that one was very straightforward and confronted her about his feelings almost immediately whilst the other neither has yet to confess nor confirmed anything. 

She gazed outside the window of the moving bus. It was getting dark.

Guilt began to swirl in the depth of her heart, capable of taking over her cognitive ability.

I..don't know..

Mira lets out a deep sigh as she takes out her brown knitted muffler as she suspected the air outside to be of a bone-chillingness due to the after rain. She thought of how touched she was when Eun Shi gave it to her as a token for helping her resolve things with the witty boyfriend.

Yes, ironically, she possessed qualities somewhat of a Doctor Love. Helping close friends with mild love-related concerns. Offering unbiased advices after enduring their rants and closure of the heart.

But..what about her?

She unwillingly feels stupid and dumb at her inability to overcome hurdles of such in this chapter of her life. Anybody willing to offer her a spec of insight on how she could resolve this growing problem? She really isn't the kind to open up to others. She feels that she should endure this and stand on her two feet as long as she could.

Mira lingers at the scenic view of the Hangang from inside the bus and somehow her hands went on autopilot mode and pressed on the bell. Soon enough the bus slowed down and halted as she heartlessly got down the bus.

Just like any other K-drama where leads would usually go to whenever something dramatic happens,  she finds herself leaning against the barrier guarding the melancholic looking river.

She stopped staring at the reflection of the beams from the Hangang bridge crippling on the surface of the water, when she heard the sound of aluminum cans clattering and friction of glass bottles against the pebbled path along the river.

Spotting a being far along the path, she couldn't help but feel some kind of terror crawling up her spine and could only hope her two and a half inch wedges would cooperate when she fleas if ever the raging alcoholic decides to make a dash for her.

This made her remember the night she thought she'd be kidnapped by a ert, it was actually Jay and that was also the night he asked her to date him, to which she handsomely declined but then changed her freaking mind the very next day.

“We'll just try it out, okay”

She thought about what she had said to Jay that day when Jay wholeheartedly asked her if she was sure.

Have I really tried?

Did I even actually gave it a try?

Of all the people, she really couldn't hide the ugly truth from herself.

In denial, she was.

Keeping herself busy and preoccupied in her own burst of feelings for Kyuhyun, she didn't really do justice to their trial relationship. Heck, did she even contribute?

Nothing she could recall of.

It was always Jay who came to her, initiated dates and meet ups. Never was she the one who called nor texted first, knowing that the male would initially pop-up at some point of the day.

So when was it that she actually tried?

You she-devil!

 What did you try?!

All you did was tried to run away from him!

You tried to distance yourself!

 You fcuking tried to get closer to Kyufcukinghyun!

That's what you fcuking tried to do!

Mira winced as she felt her harsh conscious slapped her hard on her already numb from the cold cheeks. She slammed her hands into her face and buried it there attempting to stop the downpour from her eyes and choked a mouthful sob, but really couldn't and let out muffled cries instead. Her guilt was undoubtedly agreeing with her conscious.

But .. Kyuhyun.. and I.. We..

At this point, her feelings of guilt overshadowed whatever passionate feelings she had for Kyuhyun.

The garden of spring in her heart, blossomed by the scent of that one particular man, blooming radiance within her every time he makes skin contact be it accidentally or intentionally, all the utterance whispered close into her ears, swirling warm breath teasing her lobes together mixed with chills down her spine, or as simple as his evil odd gestures which successfully sends flutter of butterflies into her tummy and waves of needing his presence to her neurons.

Play time over, Kim Mira.

She felt like a . Getting in a relationship with one guy, yet falling hard on another. Pathetically, she is still the same ‘people pleaser’ she was. Caring about what others think and might feel, neglecting her own needs.

She hadn't learned how Kyuhyun would react, but she has seen Jay crumble in front of her and that makes her crumble too somehow. Because of this, Mira vows to at least give it real try, standing by her words.

Little did she realize that she was doing this out of her guilty conscious. There wasn't a hue of love in her wanting to try mending things between her and Jay.

What matters is that I'm making an effort.

Forcing another lie upon herself..

---

"Mira..Miraaa! Kim. Mira?!"

She turned to the direction of the voice calling out to her and saw the figure of the raging alcoholic man nearing her along the poorly lit pathway.

Oh....no..wait..what?!

She squinted her eyes hoping to clearly see the man who called her name.

"Miraaa! ...Miraaaa..." he wailed this time and Mira wasn't sure if she should stick around or start running.

The raging man soon came to an area with better lighting.

Omo.. It's Jay..

What was he- Wait- HE was the raging alcoholic?!

Jay suddenly stopped and plopped himself on the ground and started to wail again.

As Mira found the courage to approach him, she tried to understand what he was wailing about.

My babybabebabybabeyyy..!!

Kim Mira yaa.. Why.. Why is it so..hard?!

Just love..me..back!

Love me..back..please..

Jeh-bahl..!!

Mira didn't know why Jay was so frustrated and got drunk in the first place. What she knows is that her duty starts now. Now is the perfect time to show him that she is willing to give their relationship a try.

And the first thing Mira tried was to lift the 174cm  tall and 60kg Jay to his feet. Gosh he's so heavy! She limps as she tried to balance his body weight on her arm.

---

Mira opened the door to her apartment after wrestling with the keys in one hand and trying to keep a very drunk Jay Park on his two feet. She realized that she didn't know where his house is and decided that it's best to bring him to her house instead.

She throws him onto her bed and immediately feels sorry for being unable to place him gently because of her sore arm aching from Jay's body weight. 

She wanted to go find some water for him when he reached to grab her wrist furiously. 

'Why did you bring me here?" he snarled, with an annoyed expression plastered on his drunken face.

"I..I..Y-you.. You're drunk" she managed to blurt, afraid of the ferocious looking Jay. She has never witnessed this side of the male, but now, she's experiencing it firsthand.

Jay cackled and let Mira's hand go.

"So?? So what if I'm drunk? So what if I'm hurt? So what if I'm dead?!" he raged and shot up sitting straight on her bed, with his eyes glaring her. "Why. Do. You. Care?!".

Mira caught his glare and somehow maintained her composure, despite all the creatures in forest would have fled for their lives upon hearing Jay spew his anger with much hatred and rage.

She stood still by the bed without responding, calculating what needs to be done or to be said.

"I'll get some aspirin and water," she said and turned to head for the kitchen. She knew the sober Jay would never hurt her by words or by actions. And with that, she was persistent in continuing what she decided by the Han river a while ago; giving 'them' a try.

She'll care for him, because that's what you do for the people you love.

He swallowed the pills and glass of warm water after glaring at her for a couple of minutes.

Oddly, Mira feels like she’s nursing a wolf. Gurae, ulf.

"Lie down. Just sleep," she softly instructed him and helped him place his head on her fluffed pillow. He didn't say much but complied. His glares subtly changing into stares as he finally loses his battle and fell into sleep.

Mira huffed a short sigh of relief when she was sure that Jay was asleep. Finding a narrow spot on the edge of her bed, she sits and inspects every inch of the idol sleeping in her bed. He looked seasoned, eyes were puffed. Has he been..crying?

Remembering how she thought he was a raging alcoholic by the river with the cans of beer, she wondered what was troubling his mind. He seemed upset and angry with her.

Could I be the reason? Of course.. Of course it would be me.

---

Peering through the lashes of his eyes, he knew where he was immediately. As he was about to scurry out off the bed, he felt his legs brushed against some soft strands.

"Mira.." he whispered to himself. Her lose hair scattered on the blue sheet and her body curled into a tiny mass, just enough to fit the small space by his legs.

The sight of his girlfriend looking as vulnerable as can be made him scoop her up and placed her on the pillow ever as gentle as he could,  refusing to wake her up.

He laid on his side and watched her as if she was a foreign creature. Questioning how a lady could look so beautiful without any makeup on. Taking in her natural beauty a few blinks at a time. A thousand questions suddenly flooded his mind however none were answered.

How?

Can I make her happy?

Will she be happy?

Can Kyuhyun make her happy?

Does she love him?

Does she love me?

Why is she..

..so perfect..

He slowly brushes her bangs that were poking her eyes, causing Mira to stir and making Jay regret his action. She fluttered her lashes slowly as her blury view got clearer and tried to digest who was in front of her. Oh..

"Jay..are you..okay?" she wasn't surprised nor was she shock that he was lying beside her on the same bed. She gave him a smile after he mouthed a silent thank you to her, perhaps for bringing him in after his alcohol rage.

He reflected on her calmness in handling him just now, how she stuck through it and stayed by his side. He felt like adoring and admiring her up to a new level., something greater than what they have barely accomplished in the past months all put together. Her eyes were on his and he gave into her gaze.

He could have sworn they were blazing laser between those intense gaze, yet, he couldn't really feel any emotion in her gaze but does that matter? I have her eyes on me now, and not some other guy.

..and he felt even more insatiable when Mira placed her soft lips on his, leaving a small peck on it.

He blinked his eyes twice and searched for her emotions, but it still wasn't there.

But then again, maybe she's nervous. He tried reasoning.

This time, he was the one to draw closer and repeated what had happened a few seconds back.

Mira felt his hot breath on the side of her nose as his lips stayed on hers. Should I...kiss...him back?

You promised you'd try!! You fcu-

Before her guilty conscious finished spewing out profanity, she closed her eyes shut and pulled Jay by his nape and returned his kisses much to his delight. He liked this new energy in her. Shoving all the thoughts of her and Kyuhyun earlier on that day to the recycle bin in his brain, he easily loses himself in their first intimate kiss.

He kisses grew from subtle soft ones to much more aggressive ones and suggested he needs her even more.

He stops.

Realizing that Mira had stopped much sooner than him, and what's even worst, her eyes were slightly red and watery.

"Babe.." he looked at her with the most concerned look and reached out to wipe her tears when she suddenly turned away and sat up.

She looked at the Hello Kitty clock on the wall, wiping her eyes with the hem of her shirt, and chirped, "I'll make you breakfast. You must be starving,” and flashed him a grin, somewhat looking cute.

His eyes trailed her as she disappeared out of the room and he thought that something was not right. But he couldn't come to think of it.

---

They left their mugs on the table and opted to devour their pancakes on the sofa instead. Jay liked the proximity. The way their shoulders glided with one another and the occasional bumps of the knees. He gave himself an eye smile whenever his ears catch the soft giggles from her watching Gag Concert on the telly. He adores the heart-shaped pancakes he made specially for him, even though this was the third batch of batter she made, complaining the other two were either too watery or too much baking soda in it.

He felt like they were real.

Like they were really dating.

 And he was ..really happy.

Happy for real.

"Are you done?" her soft pitched voice called him back to earth.

He smiled and handed her his plate, "that was really good, babe," he complimented her and casually kissed her cheeks with his lips stained of maple syrup and pancake crumbs, to which he knew she would shriek, grossed out by it and would even nag him all the way into the kitchen.

But he was wrong.

He was so wrong, there wasn't one thing correct in that assumption of his.

She just smiled, looking at the empty plates in her hand and stood up, making way for the dining table, exchanged the plates for the mugs of steamy hot liquid and managed to wipe the residue on her cheeks with a napkin.

He looked at her as she sat herself back beside him, with the shoulders touching again and she handed him his mug of black coffee.

She sipped her hot cocoa and giggled again with the remaining of hot cocoa in as her eyes were glued onto the telly.

Something was definitely not right and he hated what his guts were trying to tell him.