Jay hadn't called or texted once. Hmm.. and I thought he was the clingy type. The kind who would call every half an hour and ask what his girlfriend had for lunch, tea, dinner, supper, between snacks and so on. Well, clearly he isn't. Thank God for that.

"Mira-ya! Ppali!" ordered a staff of the production team. The recording must've ended. Now I need to get our company's things and get ready to get the hell out of here. I finally cleared everything and now wondered where Kyuhyun is.

I walked out of the tent and there seemed to be no more celebrities around. 

"Kyuhyun-shi eodiso?" I asked a staff passing by and he said he doesn't know and has not seen him. Great. It's almost 6.00pm. The driver will be here any minute. Maybe I should call him on his cell.

I hear a buzzing sound on the chair Kyuhyun sat during the break. He must've left his phone there. I walked towards the buzzing phone, he had in silent mode.

Hello Kitty^^

Mwoya.. Did he saved my name as Hello Kitty? That's.. so cute!

I cancelled the call and that was when he snatched the phone out of my hands.

"Why do you take people's stuff without permisson?" Kyuhyun made a big deal out of it. I told him I was about to leave him here and that he'll have to walk all the way to Gangnam. "You sure you want to leave me here?" he asked as he gathered his stuff. He lifted an eye browse and gave me a smirk.

"I would if I could," I said, not even looking at him, fiddling with the zippers of the bag.

He slowly got next to me and asked in a slow voice, "you really want to leave me?". He put his warm hand on mine, stopping me from fiddling with the bag. I turned to look at his emotionless face and into his addictive gaze. This wasn’t a joke no more. I now realized that what I have gotten myself into with Jay was deep . I forced myself into a relationship, be it trial or not. What I offered Jay wasn’t hope. It was false hope. 

How can I even try to like him, when all I can ever think of is this man in front of me? I am immersed in my own feelings. A kind of feeling I can't offer to anybody else. Nope. I lost my mind..

“You know I’ll never leave you..” I slowly said as I looked at him and then continued packing the remaining stuff.

"I know..” he replied, simple. You do?

I don’t know what is it that the both of us had established. It feels like we have this special bond together, but I can’t really figure out what it is. He never once confessed his feelings for me, neither have I. I don’t know if he knows that I like him. Argh!

As soon as I arrived home, it was already 9.00pm. What a day! Besides the long hours of the recordings, the things that occurred in my real life is just.. just unpredictable! All I wanted to do now was soak myself in a hot tub. 

Ting tong! The doorbell went. Who could it be.. Aish! I’ve forgotten that I promised Jaybeom we’d have dinner together. I dragged my sorry out of the bathroom and put on some decent clothes; my jammies.

“Sorry, I had to change first,” I greeted him as I opened the door. He just gave me a smile and entered. Don’t smile, okay?! Why does he have to give me that dreamy smile?! Urgh.. He didn’t say much as he immediately took out the packed-dinner he brought and set the table up. I looked at him and thought, his girlfriend sure is lucky. Wait, isn’t that me? He poured the steaming chicken soup and placed in the pre-soaked noodles into the bowl. Looks good. He pulled a chair out and motioned me to sit.

“Komapseumnida..” I said and soon enough, we started eating.

He asked me about the regular stuff; about work, about Kyuhyun, about the recording just now.

We took our drinks to the balcony, like we did the other day, and stared into the streets. “There is one thing I’ve forgotten to ask you before,” he said and paused as I wondered what was it. He turned and came close to my face. “Did you already have someone in your heart?” .

I looked at him with wide eyes, hoping I didn’t need to voice it out and that he would understand, just by looking at my trembling eyes. For like five seconds and I break our eye contact and huffed a small laugh as I stared back into the streets.

“Why are you suddenly asking me that?” I asked. Why didn’t I just answer him and tell him that it’s Kyu. I’m such a chicken! He explained that he does not want to be a loser and only had me because of sympathy.

"I want you to accept me, with your heart full of love. I don’t want your sympathy. I just want your love.” Every pulse in me is buzzing and I know should tell him the truth, or almost the truth.

“I do.. have a guy in my mind. But as always, I’m used to doing the ‘one-sided’ thing,” I said, reflecting upon the strange bond I have with Kyu. Sometimes it's like, yup, this guy too has fallen for me, as I have for him. Other times, I can't seem to sum things up. ..and I thought that Calculus was confusing.

"You mean.. that guy doesn’t know that you like him?” he asked for a clearer explanation.

I smiled and shrugged, “molla.. it’s kinda of hard to explain”.

"And you’re okay with us.. being in this trial relationship?” he sounded confused. Well, so am I, Jaybeom..

"Hey..” I said as I laughed and nudged his ribs. “I did say we were going to TRY, right?” I was trying to change this pathetic atmosphere. And it seemed like it worked because he too laughed a little. Thank-goodness that lighten up the burdening aura surrounding us. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me closer. He kissed my head and said he loved the smell of my hair and I told him I haven’t bathed yet.

He held me real tight. Well, I then tried resting my head on his shoulders. I'm trying to make an effort here. Instead of taking in the smell of his Hugo Boss, I was rather thinking about the scent of Tommy Hilfiger and how I am missing it. Yah Kim Mira, you're pathetic.

“Are you ready to see me at Radio Star tomorrow?” he asked and I was puzzled.

"What? Radio Star?” I scratched my un-itchy head.

"Silly girl. Go and check your schedule for tomorrow now. Psk,” he laughed after giving me a push and I hurriedly went into my room and the screen of my tablet and got the shock of my life. I know Kyuhyun will be having a Radio Star shoot tomorrow, I just didn’t know that Jay would be there too, as the guest!

He told me how excited he is to see his homie, Kyu. That’s just so awkward. A lot of people are curious and can’t seem to figure how Kyuhyun could ever possibly be buddies with Jay Park. They’re just.. so different! But after getting to know them closer, I could see the similarity in them. They are just two goofy and full of life guys. Jaybeom isn’t really the bad boy he presents in front of the public eyes. I guess that was just the kind of image that he wants to build. In real life, he is just like any other guy.

Jay left after a while and told me to get enough rest. He said that the three of us should grab dinner tomorrow after the recording. I just smiled and told him that I’ll check Kyu’s schedule if he’ll be available after the show.

I the tap and watched the water flow into the tub. Bubbles are starting to form. Truth is, I feel nervous. I stared at the bubbles, trying to figure out what a mess I put myself in. I really don’t want Kyuhyun to find out about my trial dating phase with Jaybeom.. I don’t know why I want to hide this from Kyuhyun. Perhaps I was hoping for Kyuhyun to finally open up to me and confess his feelings for me.

Like that’s gonna happen..