A Hug for a Hyung
Made in Korea
Ch.6: POV- Jongin
"Yah! Jongin-ah! Wait! Wait for-" I heard Luhan's voice from behind me but I pushed ahead- I didn't want to talk to him right now. "Jongin-" he stumbled up behind me and caught himself on my shoulders to avoid falling on his . No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't keep the smile off of my face.
"Luhannie, I just want to be alone a little bit, okay?" I told him. I saw shock register on his face and realized I had never really wanted to be alone before. Our version of alone was with each other.
"Oh...okay..." He turned away and began to walk down one of the many hallways that we hadn't explored yet.
"No. Luhan-" I hadn't meant it the way he took it.
"It's fine, I get it," he said and then he picked up his pace. Then he was gone. I ran a hand through my hair and then let it flop to my side. Well, at least I could be alone now. I did feel bad about Luhan, but I'd talk to him about it later. He'd be fine.
I retreated to my room and fell back on the soft bed. Soon I found myself staring up at the plain white ceiling, wondering about what the man- Baekhyun- had said. Was it possible that my love for Luhan wasn't real?
No. I would know. I'd be able to feel something like that if it were fake. Right? I shook the thoughts out of my head and rolled over onto my stomach. I pulled a pillow over my face, wishing I was back in the labs, where everything was simple and clear-cut. There, I had known exactly what to do, and how and when to do it. Here I had no idea. It was like they had clipped my wings, thrown me off of a cliff and told me to fly.
It was impossible.
Baekhyun's words echoed through my mind again. I couldn't escape them, no matter how much I wanted to, they'll never go away. I sighed and decided that I needed to go talk to Luhan, he had seemed pretty upset before. I rose and trudged over to the door, I turned the handle right as someone knocked on the door. I frowned. There was only two people that could be and I was pretty sure Luhan wouldn't have some to me right now.
I opened the door and, as I suspected, Kyungsoo stood there, but I didn't expect him to be holding a half gallon of chocolate ice cream. I blinked at him and he rocked back on his heels; but he leaned back too far and lost his balance. He began to fall backwards, but I reached out and grabbed his arm to steady him. He flinched at the sudden contact, and for some reason it felt different. I don't think I've ever really thought about it, but Kyungsoo...is attractive.
He has a certain...innocence about him, much like Luhan, really; but...different. I was surprised when I thought it. I imagined that Kyungsoo and I would get along well as a...couple. We were best friends; and most of the disagreements happened between him and Luhan, I was usually impassive to their arguments. I shook my head to clear my thoughts.
"I-I-I," he stuttered and I raised my eyebrows at him, "you looked upset...so...ice cream," he looked down at his shoes and held out the ice cream to me.
"Am I supposed to eat it all by myself?" I asked, noticing that he had only brought one spoon.
"Oh...umm...well I thought you might want to be alone...or with...Luhan...and I only had one clean spoon left...so I brought it... For...you," he puffed up his cheeks and let them deflate slowly.
Cute. I thought to myself. No. Stop it! Stop. Luhan is cute, Kyungsoo is not. Shut up, brain, ugh.
"Well....share it with me!" I exclaimed. Kyungsoo looked up at me with his big eyes and looked genuinely surprised. "Come on, Hyung, I'm sure we've shared a spoon at some point in our lives, if that's what you're worried about!" I teased.
"Actually we haven't..." He seemed to shrink into himself a little bit. How would he remember something like that?
"Really? Then it's about time!" I took the ice cream and pulled him into my room. I sat down my bed, wrestled open the container, and dug the spoon into it. "You taste first, Hyung, make sure it's not poisonous," I joked. I held out the spoon to him and shook it around a little bit.
He was standing idly by the door, bouncing up and down on the balls of his feet, looking nervous and uncomfortable.
"I don't...I think I should...go-" he stuttered.
"Please stay, Hyung," I stood and approached him, setting the spoon in the tub, "I'm sad right now. I need you," I held out my arms and made 'grabby hands'.
"You- no. No I'll go get Luhan, you two can talk about what Baekhyun said okay?"
"No. I don't want to talk to Luhan, I want to talk to you," I realized I sounded like a whiny kid, but I didn't care; I just wanted my best friend to talk to me. I wanted him to be here for me. "Hyung," I took his hand, "why won't you talk to me? Are you angry at me?" I asked innocently.
"No, Jongin-ah, no. Can I remind you that you've never wanted to talk to me before...I don't really know how to help you," he explained calmly.
"Kyungsoo Hyung," I stood close enough that our toes were touching, and he curled them so we were not in contact, which made me chuckle a little bit, "I just want you to eat the damn ice cream with me," I saw a smile creep past his cool facade and spread across his plump cheeks.
"Okay, Jonginnie," he whispered, "I'll eat the damn ice cream," he conceded.
"Yes!" I skipped back over to my bed, grabbed the spoon and whipped around to face him. "Here comes the choo-choo train!" I said. Which made him laugh and open his mouth, then I shoved the ice cream in his mouth. He let it melt, swallowed, then contemplated it for a moment- smacking his lips a few times for emphasis.
"Hmm....it's good! And as far as I can tell- no poison, but I better taste it again, just to be sure! Don't you think, Jonginnie?" He asked me. I scooped another bite of ice cream out and held it in front of his face. He his lips slowly and my eyes followed his tongue, pink and moist, as it glided across his lips.
"I don't know, Kyungie..." I said, turning the spoon toward myself. He looked at me and pouted. I had never seen Kyungsoo pout before, but I couldn't ignore it. I rolled my eyes and turned the spoon back toward him. He opened his mouth wide and said, "Aaaaaahhhh". I smiled and stuck the spoon in his mouth.
He smiled around the utensil and pulled it out of his mouth. He snatched the tub from me and sat down on my bed eating it.
"I thought you brought that for me, to cheer me up," I remarked.
"Well," he said, his mouth full of ice cream, "come sit next to me and you can have some!"
"Fine." I strutted over to the bed, still wearing my pajamas and glanced at the clock. It was still early in the morning. What was Luhan doing....?
No. I'm with Kyungsoo right now, I won't think about Luhan, I'm sure he's fine.
I sat down next to Kyungsoo, the bed sinking a little bit under my weight and reached for the spoon, but he wouldn't let me take it.
"Hyung! You said I could have some!"
"You can, Jonginnie!" He smiled mischievously at me. After a moment of wondering I finally got what he meant.
"Hyung, I'm not going to let you feed me!"
"Please!"
"No!"
"Pleeeeaaaaassseeee!" He drew out the word and pushed out his bottom lip.
"Fine!" I said. "Things I have to do for some ice cream around here...." I muttered. I opened my mouth wide and Kyungsoo spooned some ice cream into my mouth. I let him keep feeding me, and between the two of us, in about seven minutes, the entire half gallon was gone. I fell back on the bed, content.
"Fullllll! So full...." I mumbled turning over on my side, I felt Kyungsoo flop down on the bed beside me. "Hyung?"
"Uh huh?" He blinked up at me.
"Are you okay? You were...very upset earlier," I said remembering how distressed he was about his match.
"Oh...that. Yes. I'm fine I just...I've been living with that for a long time, and the information was right on front of me, but that...Baekhyun man would the give it to me. I'm sorry I yelled at you...and Luhan..."
"You can always talk to us, you know that right?" I tried to comfort him.
"Yeah. Yes, I know that; but I...don't. Because that happens to me every time I think about it. Him. I get angry and sad and... I don't like feeling that way. I'd rather be happy...so I try not to think about it. Ever." He was fiddling with a little string on the comforter when I looked at him. "Jonginnie,"
"Hmmm?" I said sleepily, yawning.
"Are you and Luhan going to be okay?" Kyungsoo asked me, suddenly taking on an even more serious tone and expression.
"Yes, yes. We'll be fine, I just wanted to be alone for a while," I explained.
"But... You weren't really alone. You were with me,"
"But that doesn't mean anything," I said like it was obvious.
"Oh..." I saw the hurt register in his face before I realized what I had said.
"Oh gosh," I dragged a hand across my face, "not again. That's not what I meant at all, Kyungie! I just meant that you're my best friend, and being with you is like being alone because...you're like a part of me. That's all," I realized how stupid it sounded as soon as I said it, but pretended not to notice.
Kyungsoo just smiled and said okay, then he gave me a little hug. I hugged him back, because why wouldn't I? He's my best friend.
Kyungsoo got up to leave and we saw Luhan looking between us with a look of disbelief in his eyes, like I had betrayed him in some way. I mentally cursed myself, because it wasn't what it had looked like- but it sure did look like Kyungsoo and I had something going on. Well it didn't, but it would to Luhan.
"Alone, huh?" Luhan said coldly, then he his heel and fled the doorway.
"No! Luhan!" I looked between him and Kyungsoo. This was ridiculous! He shouldn't be angry that I was hugging my best friend! I shouldn't have to choose between two completely different relationships.
"Go ahead, it's okay," Kyungsoo advised, "Luhan needs you."
And with that I ran after Luhan, because I loved him more than anything on this earth- in this universe- I would lay down my life for him; and I can't believe I doubted it for even a second. It took me five seconds to find him, sitting in the bathroom. He always goes and sits in the bathroom when he needs to think- god knows why- but he does. I inched toward him but he held out a hand.
"Just tell me- and I'll believe you-" he wiped tears off of his face and I winced. I had never made him cry before; and it hurt to see him upset because of me. "You were planning to be alone?"
"Yes, of course! And I was, but then Kyungsoo showed up and he had ice cream and..." I trailed off. How could I explain to Luhan that I let him in because he looked cute? "And he's my best friend," I lied, "I just wanted to talk to him at the moment...and you know how much i love ice cream," I joked. He didn't laugh, but sniffled instead. "I'm sorry."
"Don't apologize. It's just weird that you didn't want to discuss whatever it was you were feeling with me. We've never kept secrets before-"
"I'm not keeping a secret! I just couldn't talk to you about how I was feeling because of the subject of the matter!"
"So....a secret. If you can't tell me, it's a secret," Luhan pressed.
"But it's...different... I was venting, I vent to Kyungsoo all the time and don't tell you what I was talking about. You know! You do it too,"
"I guess, he replied. I walked over and sat next to him on the bathroom floor. "And...the hug?" He asked.
"Nothing. It didn't mean anything more than it usually does. I was just hugging my best friend Hyung." He sighed and smiled sadly; but I could tell from his eyes that he believed me.
"Okay."
"Okay?" I asked.
"Okay," he leaned over and pressed our lips together. I grabbed his waist and pulled him closer, into a hug; and we sat like that, his head on my shoulder, my arms around him until I saw the sunlight peek in through the curtains covering the bathroom window.
------
"Yah! Kyungsoo Hyung!" I yelled through his bedroom door.
"Yah! Wake up! We're hungry!" Luhan sang like an alarm clock.
"Would you two shut up?! I am trying to sleep!" I heard Kyungsoo's voice through the door.
"Hyung~! Foo~d! Puh-lease!" I begged. We got no reply. We waited for a few minutes not really knowing what to do or say; and then guess Luhan got an idea because he yelled-
"Kyungsoo Hyung! If you don't open this door and make everyone breakfast RIGHT NOW...." He threatened.
"In your dreams!" Kyungsoo retorted.
"Fine. Fine. But if you don't do it right this very instant!" Luhan stomped his foot, "then Jonginnie and I will have REALLY loud for the next week! Every night! And I know you just love hearing that!" He said dripping sarcasm. "So Hyung. I suggest that you-" but he was cut off by Kyungsoo opening the door in his pajamas.
"FINE, JESUS. What are you hungry for?" He retreated from the door, leaving it open for us, we followed him in and sat at the table.
"Hmmmm...I don't know- KIMCHI SPAGHETTI," Luhan rolled his eyes.
"For BREAKFAST?" Kyungsoo asked.
"No. For dinner, YES FOR BREAKFAST!" Luhan thumped Kyungsoo on the head and it took everything in me not to laugh. Luhan was in an unusually good mood this morning...
For the next ten minutes Luhan and I played footsie under the table and giggled continuously as Kyungsoo made the spaghetti. Then Luhan excused himself to the bathroom before we ate. I sat there, kicking my legs awkwardly until Kyungsoo spoke up. He cleared his throat.
"You and Luhan seem to have patched things up," he said. I couldn't tell how he felt about it from his tone, and he was turned away, looking at the stove so I couldn't see his expression.
"Yeah. It's weird though...I mean we've never fought before. Whether any of us like it or not- I think Baekhyun and Chanyeol's visit and what they said...I think it has changed things," I drummed my fingers on the table, trying to give myself something else to focus on other than this conversation.
"What exactly do you mean?" Kyungsoo turned around to face me and leaned against the counter, his arms crossed in front of his chest. "Do you think Baekhyun was right? That your...relationship with Luhan is fake?" His big eyes burrowed into me. I pondered the question.
"I don't know... But I- I want to know. I don't doubt what Luhan and I have... But if it was programmed into my brain that way, of course I wouldn't..."
"Yeah but... Luhan... He doesn't know that you want to look into this, does he? I assume it won't go over well with him-"
"Hey. What're you guys talking about?" Luhan was standing in the hall.
"Just about the spaghetti. It smells really good. Good choice, Luhannie!" I lied. Sure I felt a little bad for lying, but a little white lie wouldn't hurt anyone right? I glanced at Kyungsoo and he nodded his head understanding.
Kyungsoo. I realized that just in the past 36 hours I've noticed so many things about him that I didn't bother to look for before. Like...the way his eyes fill up half of his face when he's surprised and his mouth forms a little "o" shape. And how he always knows what I mean, even if I jumble up my words or say something awkwardly. And how he tries to comfort me and Luhan both when we are upset and puts his own feelings aside. It's like he's a totally different person from what I remember; but when I think about it...he's always been this way.
And I've just been too obsessed with Luhan to notice.
"Oh. Okay! Thanks, Jongin-ah!" Luhan said and sat back down at the table. Kyungsoo brought the plates to us, but there were only two. I scrunched my eyebrows, confused.
"You're not going to eat with us, Hyung?" It was odd. We almost always ate breakfast together.
"No...I- I have some things to do around the house, that's all..." He explained.
"Well eat with us and then we can help you!" I exclaimed and Luhan nodded furiously.
"Yeah, Kyungsoo! We'll help! You're our friend, not our housekeeper," Luhan told him.
"Fine. Fine," he said and made himself a little plate of kimchi spaghetti. We all talked about what we had planned for the day, and how weird it was to be out of the labs. Kyungsoo said it seemed strangely familiar to him, actually; but we just disregarded it. I found myself staring at Kyungsoo on more than one occasion, completely focused on the way his pink lips formed words when he spoke; and how he gestures largely with his hands when he speaks.
And multiple times I lost track of the conversation, and they had to catch me up so I could rejoin it. At some point, Kyungsoo got up to get some water, and even the way he walked seemed new to me. I could feel Luhan staring at the side of my face, and turned back to him, nudging his knee with my own to let him know everything was fine; but he still seemed uneasy. He swallowed and nodded to himself as if making a mental note.
Again and again I had to shake myself out of 'la-la-land' from staring at Kyungsoo. It was unsettling even to me; and Luhan was staring daggers into Kyungsoo, clearly not in the helping mood anymore. Kyungsoo just shifted uncomfortably in his seat, then got up and muttered something about starting the chores, and left.
"Jongin. Jongin!" Luhan snapped his fingers in my face, "are you okay? You've been awfully spacey all morning," he laid a hand only forehead, "do you have a fever? Are you sick?"
"No, no. Hyung I'm fine but I think maybe it would be best if I got away for a while. Like a trip or something," I suggested. Luhan perked up immediately.
"A trip! Where will we go?!" He hopped up and down in his chair.
"Luhan..."
"Mmhmm?" He was imagining all of the places we could go, I could tell, and he was distracted.
"I meant... Alone..."
"You meant... Alone? Oh...o-okay... We've never really...um...been apart before..." Luhan tried to process what was happening.
"I know. That's why I want it. I want to see what it's like to be really alone. Just me. But I'll miss you,"
"Yeah, I'll miss you too, Jonginnie," he plunged into my arms and buried his face in my chest. "I'll miss you a lot," I kissed the top of his head and he just squealed me tighter.
I didn't really care about being alone. I don't want to know what it's like. I want to get away from Kyungsoo. He was making me feel... Something. I had never thought about anyone except Luhan like that, because I couldn't; but what Baekhyun said kept echoing in my mind, bouncing off the sides of my skull.
And I realized that Kyungsoo- I really could think of him that way; and I was starting to do just that.
And it was beginning to scare me.
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