POV- Luhan

I tried to move, tried to think, but it seemed like all I could do was stare blankly at the wall. I had laid Jongin's body in his bed, I couldn't think of anywhere else to put it, and when I returned to the living room it was like all the energy had been out of me. All I wanted to do was sleep, maybe I would dream of something better than this life, or maybe I wouldn't dream at all. It wouldn't matter because anything would be better than real life at that moment. But of course I couldn't sleep. What ever higher power that there was would not grant me even that small favor, and so I was stuck in a cycle of pain, anger, and numbness.

Over and over again, I would feel nothing, unable to do anything but sit on the couch and breathe and listen to the beating of my heart in the otherwise silent house. Then the tears would come. They would fall from my eyes, and it seemed like they would never stop and I could do nothing but wipe them away with my fingers and sob into my hands. But eventually they would cease, always. But after that came the worst part– the anger. The throwing of lamps and small pieces of furniture, and framed pictures and anything else I could find and throw across the room in a tantrum. Eventually there was nothing left to destroy and I resolved to beat my head with my hands, and scream like a small child would if it's mother refused to buy it a new toy. It was sinking in, finally– People had died. And they were never going to come back.

I heard a knock on the door, but as I was within the state of numbness, I was unable to open it, nor would I have opened it if I could have. It didn't seem to matter, though, that I wanted privacy to mourn the love of my life and my best friend because the the people who had knocked somehow had a key and came into the house anyway. Suddenly, I was staring at the shirt of a man. I did not look up. I heard a sigh, and the man kneeled down and I recognized him to be Tao. He looked saddened, slightly, as if the deaths of Jongin and Kyungsoo had somehow personally affected him. However I knew that they did not because the three of us had been nothing but lab rats and a way for Kris and Tao to control the city since the very beginning.

"Luhan, where is Jongin?" Tao asked, and suddenly I was speaking though I don't remember thinking about what I was going to say or how I was going to say it.

"Well, I don't really know, sir," I said, tears threatening to spill from my eyes onto my cheeks, "where would you say that he is?" Tao closed his eyes and pursed his lips, shaking his head.

"I meant his body, where is his body, Luhan?" Tao put a hand on my shoulder and I tilted my head at him, confused.

"So you care now?" I asked, my voice cracking, but I could feel the tears begin to dry and the devastation turning into the searing feeling of anger in my chest and I shook my head, narrowing my eyes at Tao, who I once thought that I could trust. "You care now? Why couldn't you have cared a couple of hours ago? Then then love of my life wouldn't be dead, and you wouldn't be in a difficult situation, would you?!" I screamed, making Tao wince since he was so close to me already. I swatted his hand from my shoulder and stood.

"Luhan, don't do anything stupid–"

"But what do I have to lose now? What is left for me to lose now?!"

"I can think of plenty of things!" The man yelled, an emotion I hadn't yet seen from him burning in his eyes. "Your freedom, your memories, your life."

"You think that stuff matters to me?" I asked, almost laughing, "every day will be a day in Hell because any place that Jongin isn't must be Hell, because he was all of the good things in life. Why would I want to remember what has happened? If anything it would be bliss, to forget that the love of my life is dead, and that I could not save him."

"Luhan–"

"I am not finished!" I yelled, "my life? You think I want to live another day in this life? I've been praying that God take me away from here, that God kill me now and kill me quickly because the more alive that I am the farther away from Jongin that I feel! I am begging you, to please kill me because what is the point of living anymore?"

And then back to the numbness, though this time I felt able to move and speak, still I felt mostly nothing, saw only what was directly in front of me, heard only the beating of my heart in the otherwise silent house. But then he spoke once more.

"Unfortunately, I cannot kill you. We need you, still. However if it is the bliss of forgetting that you desire, then bliss you shall receive. All I need to know if where Jongin's body is, and you must come with me now."

I stared at him, refusing to answer, but then something happened that made me become quite frantic.

"I found him!" A voice called from the other side of the house. I felt my eyes widen and and my head snapped toward the direction of the voice. Tao smiled and gestured for me to follow. I tried desperately to think of a way to keep Jongin with me, but then I realized that his body was not him. Most of the things that made Jongin who he was had nothing to do with his physical appearance. Even so, it was one of the only concrete things that I had left of him, and I had no idea what they would do with it. I wanted to... Do the proper thing with it.

I looked between Tao and the big, burly man who'd been standing next to him like a body guard since they arrived. Then I ran. The body guard chased after me, and caught me within seconds, I'd only gotten a few feet away. I struggled against his hold, and Tao shook his head at me, disappointed.

"I had hoped we could do this the easy way, Luhan. Though I should have known you'd be a little... Confused, after everything that has happened. But confusion is one excuse," Tao hissed, waving a hand at the guard, who let go of me with one hand and pulled something that I couldn't see out of a bag.

"What–" but I stopped when I felt a stinging sensation in the back of my neck. I knew exactly what it was, I'd gotten more than my share of shots in my life. The last thing I saw before everything went black was a man, slightly smaller than the one holding me, but still giant, carrying Jongin's body out of his bedroom.
__________

I winced when my eyes opened, bright lights shining straight down into my eyes, causing me to see colored spots of all different sizes when I blinked. I squinted up at the light, then reached up and pushed it aside when I realized that it was a lamp. I pushed myself up, hissing at the stiffness in my neck. I rolled my head back trying to stretch it out, but it seemed insistent on being painful. I sighed, and looked around at my surroundings- white, white, white, everything was a horrible shade of white. I swallowed hard, my lips dry and my saliva thick. I took a sip of water from the plastic cup next to my bed, and as I swallowed the door to my room opened.

"Ah, you're awake," Dr. Zhang said, smiling at me, his eyes flicking up to the security camera in the corner of the room.

"Yes," I nodded, and since my back was to the camera, I gave him a knowing look. Then he seemed to relax.

"Well, the President has... Something to talk to you about."

"Ohm wonderful. What could it be now? Someone else I know and love it dead? Who is it?" I asked, "there's not really anyone left, so I imagine he had trouble finding someone who's death would affect me in any way–"

"No one else is dead. Hopefully no one else will die. It wasn't supposed to be this way, I'm sorry," Dr. Zhang said. His words made sense in context, but it was clear that he didn't mean them like that. He meant that he was sorry, personally, for the role he had played in Jongin's and Kyungsoo's deaths.

"Yes, well, it's over now. Let's go talk to Kris and Tao, then, if they need to see me."

"You're feeling well enough?"

"Does it matter?" I asked. He looked at my sympathetically, and shook his head.

"No. No it really doesn't. Follow me–"

"I know the way," I said, pushing past him and walking ahead of him the whole way to Kris' office.

After going down three hallways, and up a series of stairs, I was standing in front of the office door; I walked in without knocking.

"What is it that you want from me? Haven't you taken enough?" I spat. Kris looked up from his papers, surprised.

"Luhan, I'm sorry, usually you knock–"

"Well I didn't this time, what is it that you want from me?"
"What is it that we want from you?" Kris asked, his eyebrows raised slightly, "isn't the better question what you want from us? Tao told me what you said of course, that you'd like to die, and if you can't be killed then you'd like to forget," the president tilted his head at Luhan and smiled slightly, "we can do that for you, if you'd like."

Luhan stared at Kris, narrowing his eyes. He knew that it all couldn't be as easy as the man was making it sound, but he so desperately wanted to not feel the pain of loss anymore. It hadn't even been twenty four hours and Luhan wanted to die– how could he live the rest of his life this way? But he knew there had to be some sort of condition, some sort of compromise that he would have to make to be able to forget all the terrible things that had happened.

"What's the catch, sir?" Luhan asked coldly.

"Catch?" Kris shook his head and laughed lightly, "no catch! Let us do this for you, Luhan. After all that you've done and gone through for us–" but Kris was cut off by a voice in the hallway. Luhan thought he heard the voice say his name and listened more intently. After listening for a few more seconds, he came to the conclusion that there was someone out there that he knew, or that knew him. He didn't recognize the voice, but it was muffled by the door, so it may have sounded different than it usually would have. Kris had continued on after a few seconds, hoping to cover up the hallway-voice.

"Who is that?"

"Who is who?"

"The person in the hallway. He keeps saying my name, what is that about?"

"Oh probably just a fan that got into the building. That happens sometimes–"

"It never happened when Jongin and I were living here before. Why would it happen now?" Luhan inquired, every second feeling more and more like something wasn't right. He backed toward the door a few steps as Kris continued to attempt to convince him that no one was in the hallway, but Luhan knew what he had heard. He reached behind him for the door knob and Kris' eyes widened and he stood up from his chair behind his desk.

"No, stop!" He ordered, causing Luhan to raise his eyebrows.

"Who is it that you don't want me to see, Kris?" Luhan gripped the door knob and threw the door open, against Kris' wishes and orders. Luhan looked out into the hallway and became confused. Struggling against a guard, there was a boy that Luhan had never seen before. He was tall, thin but not unhealthily so. His brown hair fell down over his eyes and he blew it up out of his face, revealing brown eyes to match his hair. When he removed his hair from his eyes, he looked right at Luhan.

"Luhan Hyung!" He exclaimed and the brightest smile Luhan had ever seen slid onto the boy's face. Luhan stared at the boy, who had now stopped struggling.

"How do you know me?" Luhan asked.

"I've been waiting for you... Haven't you been waiting for me?" The boy said, tilting his head to the side in confusion as if he were a lost puppy. Luhan his lips and swallowed nervously. His throat had suddenly become dry and he felt slightly sick.

"Oh... Well... Would you just give me one second... Um..." Luhan trailed off and bit his bottom lip. The boy blinked rapidly, clearly surprised.

"Sehun. My name is Sehun, but you should know that..."

"Oh, of course, I just... I'm a little shocked right now, Sehun-ah. I– I just need a minute, okay?" Luhan said, feeling a squeezing in his chest when he used the nick name. He hadn't ever addressed anyone in that way except Jongin. He forced a smile on to his face and backed into Kris' office once again. Kris was looking at Luhan expectantly, waiting for a reaction.

"Well?" The president asked. Luhan felt his throat tighten and his nose began to burn and he felt tears b at his eyes, even though he was more angry than upset.

"Tell me that you didn't do to that boy what you did to me. Tell me that he knows me from pictures and that he thinks we are friends because of something you told him, not because of something you did to his brain. Please."

"I could tell you that," Kris agreed, and Luhan let out a breath of air, relieved. "But I would be lying to you, and I don't much enjoy lying, Luhan." Luhan closed his eyes and felt his jaw tighten.

"So... What? What were you going to use him for, Kris?"

"Well, he's a back up. For you."

"A back up?"

"Yes in case... Anything were to happen to Jongin, we had a back up for you," Kris explained it as if it were nothing, but something occurred to Luhan then and he scoffed.

"And Kyungsoo was the back up for Jongin wasn't he?" Luhan heard his voice crack on Jongin's name.

"Yes."

"Why would you set us up for failure like that? The three of us in the same house?" Luhan shook his head.

"A complicated discussion for another time, Luhan. Let us focus on the problem at hand."

"And what would that be, Kris?"

"Sehun. He is equally as good for you as Jongin was, we made sure of that. You said you wanted to forget. We can make that happen, and Sehun will finally be happy, having you. What do you say?"
"What about the public? Sehun and Jongin look nothing alike. How are you going to explain that–"

"We won't have to explain it. We'll put a drug in the water, we've done it before, it isn't even difficult, controlling these people." Luhan nodded, feeling anger boil up inside of him but shoving it back down. "So you're considering it?"

"Did I say that?"

"No, but–"

"I can't disrespect Jongin like that. I can't deceive Sehun like that. I'm sorry, but I aunt help you," Luhan decided aloud, hoping against hope that they would just let him go after everything that had happened. Kris toke a deep breath and let it out slowly, shaking his head.

"I had hoped that you would do it willingly, since you didn't want to remember what had happened. But we have ways of forcing you, Luhan."

"How? There's no one left that I love to bribe me with. What could you possibly do to me that's worse than what has already happened?"

"Oh I'm not talking about convincing you. I'm talking about physically forcing you. You have two choices Luhan. You can either pretend that you know Sehun, that you love him, that it has always been him, but you'll always know that you're betraying the one you really love."

"And my second option?" Luhan spat, realizing that he should have known better than to think they'd just let him go– they needed him.

"Agree to get your memories wiped and switched again, it will be like it was with Jongin, but the memories will be of Sehun instead. You could be happy again, you could have love again–"

"I loved Jongin. I love Jongin still. Whatever you do to me, I will never feel the same about anyone else. And you know that," Luhan whispered, "I need a third option."

"There is no third option, Luhan."

"Then make one up!" He screamed, the anger finally presenting itself.

"Fine!" Kris yelled back, "your third option is to refuse the first two, be drugged and have your memories wiped unwillingly! Is that what you want?!"

"Then at least I won't be betraying him! At least I won't be betraying him!" Luhan could feel hot tears pouring down his cheeks now, his hands were clutched into fists by his sides.

"Alright then," Kris shook his head for what seemed like the thousandth time during their conversation and reached over to a speaker, pressing a button. "Security A, to my office," he glanced up at Luhan, "bring everything you've got." Luhan turned and grabbed the door knob, but Kris hit a button on a remote and the lock clicked. Luhan couldn't undo it even from the inside.
"There's no way that you can get away with this–"

"We already have, Luhan. And I'm sorry. Truthfully you were always my favorite. I'm sorry that we've caused you so much pain." Before Luhan could reply, he felt another stinging sensation in the back of his neck. His last thought before he passed out was that he hadn't even heard the door open.
________

A/N:

HEY SUBBIES WHATS UUUUUP?

so I'm basically obsessed with this chapter... I don't know why, I just really like it. How about you? Let me know in the comments below, I always love hearing from you guys!!!!!!!!! So there's only... Two chapter left to this story after this! I'd say it's gone by "so fast", but it really hasn't! This story has taken so long to write and as much as I love it, I'm glad to be almost done with it!

Thanks for for sticking with me, guys! It means a lot!!!! <3

p.s.

you guys know about An Angel's Duty (which should be coming to a close soon also by the way. If you haven't checked it out you should!) but I'm going to start a new fic after this one! (Highschool AU, not depressing like this one, that's all I'll say!!!) and also I am coauthoring another story with another friend of mine, 'Iwishthiswere' is her username here, I think. It's called Eternity (A Continuation), and it's going to be awesome! You should definitely go look at it, and subscribe if you like it. (I think one chapter is up, I write the first bit and she wrote the second part of it). I love the idea and I think you guys will too!!!

it isn't about EXO, it's actually a VIXX fic. If you don't know who VIXX is PLEASE GET INTO THEM BECAUSE THEYRE AMAZING!!!!

okay, I think that's it, so until next time, Subbies!!!!

-Luhandsome123