Chapter 14: POV- Luhan 

*I realized that this is confusing as I was writing, but this chapter happens before Chanyeol dies. The events at he beginning of this chapter happen around the same time that Kyungsoo is at the library with Maika. I just wanted to clear that up. :) -Luhandsome123
_________

We plodded down Baekhyun's front walkway to our car, heavy with new information.

"Ah, I think my brain is going to explode," Jongin muttered, and I nodded in agreement.

"I have some Advil in the car, I think," I responded solemnly, thinking about what Baekhyun had just said to us. "Jongin, how can we keep this from him? How can we keep this from Kyungsoo? It isn't fair to him..."

"It's better for him if we keep it to ourselves. He could get seriously hurt if he finds out, Luhan," Jongin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose– he does that when he's irritated or has a headache. "I know it's a lot to keep bundled up, Luhan, but you can always talk to me, okay?" He reminded me. I nodded again.

Jongin unlocked the car and swung a leg in, ducking into the car moments after and starting it up. I followed and ducked into the passenger seat.

"Jongin-ah," I held out my palm, in which were two bright orange Advil. He swallowed and nodded, taking them from me.

"Thanks."

The car ride was relatively quiet after that. We had a few awkward moments of eye contact with each other's reflections in the windshield, but both quickly looked away. I could feel him watching me from the corner of his eye, but I just stared blankly out the window at the scenes rushing past. I wondered what would happen to Kyungsoo if we told him. Would what Baekhyun had said actually come to pass, or was he exaggerating? It seemed so unfair... So wrong to hide this huge part of who Kyungsoo is from him, but I also didn't want anything bad to happen to him.

Or did I? 

As soon as the thought came to me I felt guilty, I bit down hard on my tongue until blood leaked into my mouth. I needed something that felt real because nothing that had happened in this day seemed like it could be possible. Maybe I just didn't want it to be possible.

"Jongin-ah," I mumbled.

"Hmm?" 

"I...think we should tell him something," I chewed in the inside of my cheek nervously.

"Tell who what?" Jongin asked.

"Kyungsoo. I think we should tell him somethi-" but I stopped short when Jongin pulled the car over to the side of the back road we were driving on. "Why-why did you stop?" I asked.

"You want him to die, Luhan?" Jongin asked without looking at me. He stared straight ahead.

"What? Die? Who's dyin-"

"You heard what will happen to him if we tell him anything. Do you want him to die?!" Jongin turned toward me now, he didn't look angry, just confused and...disappointed.

"Of course I don't want Kyungsoo to die, Jongin! You realize he is my friend too! He doesn't belong to you! He doesn't belong to either of us! He is his own person, and if he wants information, I think he deserves to know, Jongin!" I explained exasperatedly.

"At the cost of his life?! Is it really worth that?" He searched my face, his eyes darting around.

"...I think... I think that it's up to Kyungsoo. I think we tell him the risks... And he should decide. It's his life Jongin-ah. Not yours."

"I know that," he snapped.

"Then you need to let him have a choice how to live or... Not live... His own life," I put hand over his resting on the steering wheel. "Don't you think?"

Jongin blinked at me, and I thought he just disagreed with me, but then I saw tears b his eyes. 

"Don't cry. You don't need to cry, Jongin-ah."

"It's just that you're right. And I know you're right," he laughed sadly, "you always are but... Luhan we both know what he's going to choose," he looked down and a tear dripped onto the black leather interior of the car.

"No we don't-"

"Luhan please. If you were him, and someone told you they had information on the love of your life whom you'd never met, but were supposed to be with– what would you do? Even if they said I'd die... I'd choose death. Maybe that's just me."

I stared at him. He'd really choose to die if he were in Kyungsoo's place? I saw the truth in what he said in his eyes but I didn't want to see it there. I didn't want to see it because  if I were Kyungsoo... I would choose to live.

I would choose to live and that didn't seem fair. We were supposed to love each other the same, but in this aspect, at least, it seemed that Jongin loved me more than I loved him. Just another small flaw in the system, something that probably wasn't accounted for. I would die for Jongin, but in Kyungsoo's circumstance, I wouldn't have known Jongin at all. I wouldn't have known how much I loved him or what wonderful person he is, and I know that if I would have had to choose, I would not have chosen to know about him and die.

That upset me, and I knew Jongin would take it the wrong way.

"I suppose... I suppose that's true. I would choose death as well," I lied, and with that Jongin started the car, and began I drive silently once again, an unspoken pact hanging in the air now not to tell Kyungsoo anything about what could have been.

___________

"Kyungsoo-hyung! We're home!" Jongin shouted into the multicolored, Rubik's cube style foyer, but no one answered.

"Kyungsoo-ah? We're back! Are you upstairs?" I yelled a little louder, still nothing. Jongin furrowed his brows and tilted his head at me. I shrugged. "He's probably upstairs and can't hear us or something," we pushed down on the handles on our suitcases to retract them.

"I'll go tell him we're home," Jongin offered.

"No that's okay, I'll do it. You go way something, you've been complaining about how hungry you are for the last hour," I teased. He grinned and nodded, skipping playfully into the kitchen. The car ride had gotten a little lighter after an hour or so, neither of us had wanted to be quiet anymore.

I dragged my stiff body up the stairs leading to Kyungsoo's room, sitting in a car for as long as I had could make a person pretty sore. I knocked on the door with the name plaque attached to it, but there was no answer. I cracked the door open slightly and stuck my nose in the bedroom. 

"Kyungsoo? Are you home?" I inquired. Still no answer from Kyungsoo. I pushed the door all the way open and was met with a fairly normal scene, but I know Kyungsoo well, and it was not normal for him. The bed was unmade, sheets and covers strewn around, Kyungsoo always made his bed first thing in the morning. There was a lamp shining brightly on the bedside table, which was strange because Kyungsoo was always making sure the lights were off when he left the house to save energy. There were dirty dishes in the sink. That's what really made me worried, Kyungsoo hated nothing more than a dirty cooking space. He never left dishes in the sink. Ever. Not once in all the yeas I'd known him. I swallowed and backed out of his bedroom slowly to the top of the stairs.

"Jongin," I yelled down the stairs, "Jongin I think something might be wrong, I think Kyungsoo might be in trouble–"

"Yah! Hyung! What happened to you?!" I heard Jongin's panicked voice from the bottom of the stairs "Luhan, you better get down here fast!" I whirled around and pounded down the stairs into the front room. Jongin was holding up a barely conscious Kyungsoo, whose face was practically completely covered in blood, which was dripping all over the multicolored tiles. There was a young american girl standing in front of them, now staring up at me. She was wearing a red jacket, but I wouldn't have been surmised if it wasnt red before she met Kyungsoo. There was blood on her arms as well, but it was clearly not her own.

I ran over to the three of them, not knowing at all what to do.

"What-what happened to him?" Jongin asked the girl, "who are you?" The girl swallowed  and took a deep breath.

"My name is Maika, Kyungsoo-Oppa said this is where he lived... He wasn't doing very well this morning when I met him so I decided to drive him home, but on the way his eyes started bleeding again, and his nose...and then he started coughing up blood too, and I didn't know what to do–"

"Wait, again? How many times has this happened today?" I asked the girl, Maika.

"All day it's been happening. I found him near the library this morning and he looked sick so I asked if he needed help, and his eyes started bleeding and–" she fumbled over her words, making it hard to understand. Korean was obviously not her first language. 

"Hey, hey, hey, I'm going to need you to slow down okay-" then I realized Jongin was still standing there, with Kyungsoo bleeding everywhere and all over him. "Jongin! Will you lay him down somewhere please?!" I shouted. Jongin nodded quickly and half dragged Kyungsoo to the nearest couch. Maika was still standing there, completely shocked. "I'm sorry, continue," I urged her.

"Well... He said he was okay, that it was a condition he's had all his life or seething like that, I don't... I don't remember exactly. But he brushed me off, but I told him I had to stay with him to make sure he was okay...anyway... He sad he was researching something called the... The perfect match system? I think... Everyone here seems to know what it is but I'm not from Korea and I just...I don't know. Anyway, we couldn't find what he was looking for so I helped him hack into a few data files and-"

"You helped him hack into things? Like what?"

"I don't remember what they were called... But it was what he was looking for. Something about a guy... A lot of pictures... What was his name?" She whacked her head frantically with one hand trying to remember, but I grabbed her wrist to make her stop.

"The name. Minseok, was that it?" I asked, hoping against hope that it wasn't.

"Yes! That was it! Did you know him too? I'm sorry he died..."

"Died? Well... Something like that I guess. Did you print or write down any of the information, Maika? I'd really like to see it if you did." 

"Sure, it's in the car. I couldn't really grab with Kyungsoo-Oppa bleeding like that..."

"It's fine, I understand, just go get it now please," I begged. She nodded and sped out the door. I whipped around and saw Kyungsoo was bleeding all over the floor and the couch still, but Jongin had managed to get most of the blood off of his face with a washcloth. He glanced up at me nervously.

"How did this happen? What did he do?"

"He knows," I said simply, running into the kitchen to get a wet cloth, which would be better than the dry one Jongin had used. When I returned Jongin was holding the cloth to the corners of Kyungsoo's eyes. It looked like Kyungsoo had passed out. I moved Jongin's hand out of the way, and wiped the dry film of blood of of Kyungsoo's skin, then returned the dry cloth to his eyes.

"How much? How much does he know?" I shook my head, I didn't know yet.

"Clearly, enough. He knows enough," I continued to wipe the blood off of his arms and bit bottom lip. "I can't believe I was willing to even consider taking this chance. What is wrong with me?" I looked a Jongin who was, again, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Hey, this isn't your fault, Luhan,"

"But it could have been. If Kyungsoo wasn't so curious, and didn't go find out himself, I could have and probably would have done this to him. It would be my fault!"

"But it isn't! It isn't." I nodded and the fort door flew open, Maika was standing there with a pile of papers, still covered in quickly drying blood. 

"Oh god, Maika, I'm so sorry... Here-" I ran to get her a new wet cloth and she bowed respectfully, and thankfully. She scrubbed her arms free of the red liquid, but there was nothing to do about her clothes. "I'm sorry about your clothes," I began.

"Please, don't apologize. It's just one outfit, I think I'll live. I'm just glad he's looking better," she gestured to Kyungsoo.

"Thank you so much for bringing him home, if it weren't for you, he'd probably be dead by now. So just... thank you."

"Of course, it's what I'd want someone to do for me, so... Alright well here's the papers..." She handed the pile over to me. She took a deep breath. "I should go. I'm jut going to get in the way, but..." she reached into a pocket and pulled out a pen. Then she scribbled something on a corner of the papers I was holding. "That's my phone number. Call me if you need any more information about today or...just... If something happens. You know... Tell him I said goodbye if– when he wakes up," she smiled apologetically. 

"Thank you again, so much," I bowed shallowly, as I was holding lots of papers. She nodded and backed slowly out the front door. A few seconds later I heard a car start and she was gone.

____________

The next few days, it was hard for me to put aside my feelings, but I had to do it for Kyungsoo. Jongin was with him every second of every minute of every day, which I understood, but I was the one actually taking care of Kyungsoo most of the time. Jongin was just... There for him. Which is a good thing I suppose, he probably needed that, but after a while they seemed to be getting a little closer than I was personally okay with. 

Jongin had been sleeping in a chair beside Kyungsoo's bed, and always insisted that I go back to his room and sleep there, he didn't want me uncomfortable. I thought that was sweet, so I stayed a few nights in his room, and a few nights in Kyungsoo's room. I was bringing breakfast in for both of them one morning but Jongin wasn't in his chair. I was confused but when I looked at the bed, there were two bodies tucked under the covers.

This shouldn't have bothered me. Kyungsoo and Jongin had shared a bed plenty of times before, especially when we were kids, so it shouldn't have, but it did. It seemed...different this time, more intimate, I guess, would be the way to describe it. I was steadily growing jealous, if I'm being completely honest. I was also worried about Jongin. I understood that he wanted to be there for his friend, but enough was enough. He needed a break. Sometimes Kyungsoo would even tell him that, but he refused to leave, and it isn't like Kyungsoo could do much about it.

I guess he didn't trust me enough to stay with Kyungsoo alone, to not tell him anything more and make it worse. It hurt that he didn't have faith in me. It was like he thought I wanted Kyungsoo to die, or to just be hurt, but I didn't. I can't say I haven't thought about what it would be like if Kyungsoo were to die, not because I want him dead, but because he might end up that way. None of the scenarios I come up with are remotely appealing, Jongin is devastated in all of them. He's always been much closer to Kyungsoo than I have, I think. I never realized it until now, but it's really true.

But what was I supposed to say to Jongin? I couldn't tell him that I felt insecure about him staying with our dying friend, how unfair would that be? And how stupid would that sound? After six days or so, I got Jongin to at least sleep in our room and let Kyungsoo have some space. He of the nights he confessed to me why he wanted to sleep in Kyungsoo's room.

"Luhan?"

"Hmm?" I hummed, my head resting on his chest.

"I hope it's okay with you that I've been sharing a bed with Kyungsoo. I tired of sleeping in that chair and–"

"I know,but you always could have come back to our room," I offered.

"I know... But... I didn't want to leave him there."

"I know it's hard, Jongin-ah, but Kyungsoo needs his space too," I explained. Out voices were the nly things occasionally cutting through the silent darkness.

"I know that. But I can't help thinking that..." He stopped and shifted positions so that his arms were around my waist.

"Thinking what, Jongin-ah?" I whispered and yawned tiredly.

"I can't help thinking that he'll die in his sleep... And if he does I don't want him to be alone."

I couldn't say anything for a moment after that. What he'd suggested hit me like a ton of bricks. I'd never even considered that happening. I closed my eyes and sighed deeply.

"Luhan?"

"Let's go," I wiggled out of his arms, and swung my legs over the sided the bed. I fumbled around for the lamp's button and switched it on.

"Go? Go where?" Jongin asked, confused. I just stood up and held out a hand to him. He blinked at me a few times but eventually slid out of the bed and took my hand. He rubbed his eyes sleepily with one fist, like a little kid and I chuckled at him. I tugged lightly on his hand, opening the bedroom door and soon our feet were padding across multicolored tiles and up brown wooden steps and we stopped in fort of Kyungsoo's door. "Hyung, we don't have to. I'm sure he'll be fine for one more night," Jongin insisted, sensing my discomfort and attempting to pull me back down the stairs, but I planted my feet and shook my head.

"He might be fine, but you won't be. Let's god Jongin-ah," I opened the door as quietly as I possibly could, but I still creaked a bit. I pulled him inside and sat down in the chair next to Kyungsoo's bed, and motioned for him to lie down next to our friend.

"Hyung."

"It's fine, Jongin-ah, it's fine. I trust you, alright? Now it's time to go to bed. Go to bed," I whispered and closed my eyes and curled up on the chair. I hear him tip toe over to me and he planted a little kiss on my lips.

"Thank you, hyung. I love you," then I hear the movement of blankets and sheets and cracked my eyes open slightly. Kyungsoo had curled into Jongin's chest, just as I had been earlier that night, and Jongin had his arms around the older. It was different than the way he held me that night. He held me like he loved me, like he never wanted to let me go. But he hugged Kyungsoo's body like he was in love with him. 

Only then did I realize that there was a difference between 'love' and 'in love', and I felt a small part of me rear back angrily and begin to devour me from the inside out. 

_______

A/N: hey guys! I'm sorry for any typos or anything in this, also I hope you like it!!! I really like this chapter. I initially want going to out Maika in this chapter at all, but it made a little more sense with her in it. I'm not sure if she will return but it is possible...so...yay!!!! Hope you guys liked it! Please leave comments and UPVOTES are alphas appreciated! The next chapter is almost done so... Get ready!!!!