Chapter 4: POV- Luhan

 

I dragged Jongin along behind me all the way up the stairs to where Kyungsoo said his room was; but it wasn't really a room. It was more like a mini house inside of our house with a kitchen and a karaoke stage and everything.

 

"Wow!" Jongin and I said at the same time.

 

"This is like-" Jongin was interrupted by an out of breath Kyungsoo and a panting Baekhyun and Chanyeol standing in the doorway.

 

"Luhan! You can't just run up to my room! Maybe I wanted to clean up or something first!" Kyungsoo shouted at me. I glanced around. There was nothing to clean up- everything was orderly and in it's place.

 

"What, exactly, would you have cleaned up, Kyungie?" I asked him. He seemed surprised by the question.

 

"Uhhh...ummm," his eyes settled on a karaoke microphone on the floor of the stage. He walked over and put it in the microphone-holder. "That. I would have cleaned up THAT, Luhan. Just sit," he pointed to a table, but Jongin went over and sat on the couch. Kyungsoo sighed and deflated. Jongin would never listen to him, only to me.

 

Kyungsoo then disappeared into the kitchen leaving the rest of us in an awkward silence. Baekhyun and Chanyeol started chattering among themselves nervously; and Jongin watched, clearly trying to listen to their conversation, but they were too quiet to hear. I wondered what they were here for. It could be a number of things really. It could be to test us. Just to ask some questions to see how we were doing. The scientists had said they would do as much; but I had a weird feeling that they weren't from the labs at all. I had just come to this conclusion when Kyungsoo returned, looking calmer, with delicious looking food on a few tiny plates.

 

"I just...umm...whipped something up really quickly...I hope it is okay," he handed Chanyeol and Baekhyun each a plate and did the same for Jongin and I, then sat down  next to me himself, without a plate in his hands.

 

"You're not hungry, Kyungsoo-ah?" I asked him, puzzled.

 

"Ah~ no. Not enough plates or food, that's all," he explained shyly. I looked down at my plate, and then handed mine to him. He looked at me with wide, surprised eyes.

 

"You can have mine, Kyungie! I'll just share with Jonginnie!" I reached over to grab a little cracker off of Jongin's plate, who frowned and pulled his plate away playfully. I reached for it, and struggled to get to the food. Finally I grasped a cracker, accidentally crushing it all over him. We laughed, but Kyungsoo, I noticed, shifted uncomfortably, glaring down at his own plate. Again there was a silence which I didn't expect.

 

"So," Jongin interrupted the silence, "you guys are here from the labs? What sort of test do we need to take so we can go back to sleep?" 

 

"Oh..." Baekhyun trailed off. Chanyeol twiddled his thumbs and cleared his throat. Baekhyun continued. "I think you're confused. We aren't from the labs, I'm sorry."

 

"Then who the hell are you?" Jongin said, tensing and squeezing my hand.

 

"We- we are people who want to help. People who...want to help you make your own choices," Chanyeol said.

 

"Huh? I don't understand...." Kyungsoo added, "we DO make our own choices,"

 

"Maybe YOU do," Chanyeol said, "but those two don't." He jerked his thumb back to point at Jongin and I.

 

"What are you talking about? Jongin and I make choices every day. What we eat, who we talk to, what we say, how-"

 

But Chanyeol just shook his head, "that's not what I mean. I mean significant choices, decisions that mold the way your life is. Like... Where you travel, and how far you go. Like the people you choose to meet and stay close to. Like-"

 

"Like who you love," Kyungsoo whispered. 

 

"Exactly! That's my point. The choice of who you love!" I just shook my head, confused and Kyungsoo looked as if he hadn't meant to say that out loud.

 

"I don't understand," I looked at them, as did Jongin. Our eyes both settled on Kyungsoo, I was wondering how he came up with that. How the choice of who you love molds your life. It was a foreign concept to us- we'd been told to love each other since we were able to comprehend the thought.

 

"What are you implying?" Jongin began to rise form his seat, but I held him back, wanting understand what they meant before they had to leave. Baekhyun ran a hand over his face tiredly. 

 

"Okay. Let's start with an introduction, shall we?"

 

"But we already know who-"

 

"You know my name, what else do you know about me? About him?" He gestured to Chanyeol.

 

"Nothing...." We all mumbled.

 

"Right, so you know my name- Baekhyun. Byun Baekhyun. But you don't really know who I am. Let me begin with this being said. I don't and have never believed in this perfect match experiment," he looked right at Jongin and I as he said this and raised his eyebrows. "Is that okay? That I don't believe in, basically, what you are?" He asked us.

 

I was so shocked at this that I just nodded, wanting him to continue. I saw Jongin's jaw tighten, and felt his grip on my hand do the same. Baekhyun began telling us his story.

 

"Kyungsoo," he turned to Kyungsoo, "though you may not remember-whether it is because they wiped your memory or you were too young- we know each other," I saw Kyungsoo furrow his brow and he muttered something about knowing Baekhyun had looked familiar.

 

"You are all familiar with Dr. Zhang Yixing, yes? Well he and I used to work together, I was his superior actually. And though you two," he looked back at me, "may not know it, Kyungsoo was supposed to be half of the first perfect match, but something went wrong; or more like... A plan was executed," Kyungsoo looked away from us when we tried to make eye contact with him.

 

"Kyungsoo-ah? You were supposed to be the first-"

 

"It doesn't matter anymore, my match is dead," he snapped, "I never even knew him," he pressed his lips together and stared down at the floor.

 

"Yes. He is; and I'm afraid that that is my fault-"

 

"Fault?" Kyungsoo sounded astonished.

 

"Mmm...my doing," Baekhyun corrected himself.

 

"Y-you killed- you killed my match?" Kyungsoo stood abruptly. "I never even- even knew him. How- why would you do something like that? It wasn't his fault! He was just a person!" Kyungsoo shouted, and I saw tears gush from his eyes; but he even seemed to still be holding back. "This is something that has hurt me every day, and you're responsible for it. I should- I could kill you," his face took on an expression that I had never seen him wear before when he looked at Baekhyun.

 

"Kyungsoo-ah, just calm down-"

 

"You shut up, Luhan. You don't get it!"

 

"We've all lost people, Kyungsoo," Jongin whispered.

 

"You too! Neither of you have the right to tell me how to feel right now! Neither of you know what it's like to feel this way!"

 

"To feel how, Kyungsoo?" Jongin asked, raw anger in his voice. "To feel a sense of loss for someone we never knew?" Kyungsoo stood still. "Think about it. We never knew our parents, Kyungsoo. We know exactly how you feel-"

 

"No. No. It's different. You two have each other, okay? I have nobody!" He screamed at Jongin.

 

"Kyungsoo-ah. You have us-"

 

"Please. You know that's different, Luhan," he softened suddenly. I was about speak, but Jongin looked resigned and I realized that Kyungsoo was right. It was different. He took a shaky breath. "Do you- any of you- know what it's like to love someone who can't even love you back?!" He sobbed, his voice cracking from the strain of his previous yells, and collapsed on the couch, his head in his hands, crying silently.

 

"Yes. I do actually," Baekhyun whispered; and his words were lost in Kyungsoo's sobs on everyone but me.

 

Love someone who can't love him back? Who could he be talking about? His match? Because he's dead? Does he remember anything about him?

 

"I don't even know his name. I don't remember anything!" Kyungsoo dragged his hands across his face to rid it of tears. I had no idea that Kyungsoo had so much pain and so many feelings bottled up inside. He was exploding with them. I could feel the sadness radiating from his body.

 

I bit my lip, not knowing what to do when Kyungsoo's head shot up. 

 

"You," he demanded, "you would know, wouldn't you?" He rose from his position and stalked over to Baekhyun who squirmed, but seems to know that Kyungsoo's previous threat was an empty one. "You know his name. And how he died, and everything about him. Don't you?" Kyungsoo wiped the tears from his eyes again. "Tell me. Please," he begged. The sitting man pursed his lips. 

 

"I- I can't," Baekhyun replied. "I don't want to make the pain worse for you, and they clearly have taken your memories, I wouldn't want to break down that wall. You're too raw. Too emotional. It would end badly. I'm sorry."

 

"Sorry? You're sorry?! You know more about my life than I do! I don't remember anything about my childhood before I was eleven years old when I met them!" He pointed to Jongin and me.

 

"I'm sorry. I can't tell you anything. Please believe me when I say that your situation can only get worse from here if you find out anything more than you already know." 

Kyungsoo glared daggers into the man; but eventually, accepted that Baekhyun would tell him nothing, and he sat down next to me once again, but I realized that our relationship would never be the same.

 

I had just found out that I was a replacement for what Kyungsoo would have been.

 

But why? Why did his match need to die? Did Baekhyun really kill him?

 

Baekhyun narrowed his eyes and seemed to be confused about something. Chanyeol looked like he was thinking the same thing that Baekhyun was.

 

"Wait you- why do want to know about him so badly? He's dead... You understand that you need to move on...don't you?" Baekhyun asked. His expression was suddenly a very worried one, and he stared at Kyungsoo intently.

 

"Move on? Of course I know that; and I have- you should know that. You seem to be able to read my freaking mind," he crossed his arms over his chest, "but...sometimes...it's like all I can think about is him. My brain... The love I have for my match... It doesn't come from my heart. My mind is telling me to love him; but then it tells me to move on, because he's dead. It's like my brain is confused," he admitted.

 

Baekhyun nodded, the worried expression wiped from his face. 

 

"If it helps," Baekhyun added, "he...died painlessly. During birth. He just...never woke up. I made sure of that, I'm afraid. I couldn't- I couldn't take a chance," he sighed and I glanced at Kyungsoo and found a single tear streaking down his face. 

 

Silently, Jongin stood and crouched before Kyungsoo. He wiped away the tear with his thumb and smiled at Kyungsoo, who smiled a small smile back; and then I knew. I knew what Kyungsoo had meant when he said that he was in love with someone who couldn't love him back. He may have been talking about his match; but he was talking about someone else too.

 

Kyungsoo was in love with Jongin. Kyungsoo was in love with my match. 

 

Frankly, this made me uncomfortable; but I let these happenings go on until Kyungsoo had calmed down and Jongin retreated back to the seat next to me. Then I gripped his hand so tightly that he winced, I loosened my grip hesitantly. I would not lose him to Kyungsoo. Jongin was mine. He was made for me and I for him.

 

"In regard to you two," Baekhyun said, reminding me that he still had more of a tale to tell, "it is... A different story. After I...facilitated the death of...Kyungsoo's match, I hid it well. I mixed up statistics, and Yixing helped me, because I ordered him to do so, though he did not agree with my actions. I hid what I had done for quite some time, but eventually, when Yixing realized that if I was out of the picture he would be head doctor, he...told on me. When I was discovered...they threatened to kill someone close to my heart, someone whom I loved," he shut his eyes and squeezed them tightly. "Someone who could never love me back," he paused for a long time looking at Kyungsoo, and Chanyeol shifted uncomfortably.

 

I realized that Chanyeol must have been the person to whom Baekhyun was referring.

 

"When they threatened him, it seemed that there was only one choice. Only one viable option. I resigned. And I watched as they recreated my tests and information and in a few years, Luhan and Jongin were born, and I was helpless to stop such a transaction."

 

"But I still don't understand what this has to do with us NOW. Everything is already done; and why are you so against the perfect match system?" Jongin wondered aloud.

 

"Because," he stated, "I believe that love isn't a true love without the will to forgive a mistake. Love isn't a passionate love without the pain and suffering of the forgiving and the making of those mistakes."

 

What he said made no sense to me. Mistakes? Mistakes weren't made when it came to love. Jongin and I never fought, we never disagreed. It was always...perfect. Sure we had tiny disagreements, but nothing..we'd never yelled at each other before. We had never made each other run away in tears.

 

"What's so bad about being happy all the time?" I asked him, "what's so bad about not having pain or suffering?" I honestly did not understand.

 

"Because after the pain and the suffering, after the tears and the angrily yelled words- comes a love so real, a love so untouchable and a bond so unbreakable, that even the darkest of nights can't put out the stars in your eyes." Chanyeol nodded, agreeing.

 

Jongin snorted. "That's ridiculous. How ever did you come up with something so cheesy?" 

 

"I'm a hopeless romantic. I'm sure I read it in a book once," Baekhyun said seriously, but sarcastically.

 

"So you're telling me," Jongin said, "that you don't like the perfect match system because it isn't PAINFUL enough?"

 

"No. I don't like the perfect match system because the love isn't real," Beakhyun spat at him.

 

"How can you say that? Does it look fake to you?" Jongin demanded, "Who are you to tell me that my love isn't real?" He snapped.

 

"Jongin-ah. Be calm, it's okay. You know, maybe he has-"

 

"Don't you dare say that he has a point. Don't you dare say it," I looked at me; and he seemed...afraid. 

 

"He might-" Jongin looked away and jerked his hand out of mine, "Jongin-ah! It's worth thinking about. It's worth listening to them. That's all I'm saying!"

 

"So you don't think I love you? Do you not love me? What is this about? Where is this coming from?" He asked me, water welling in his eyes.

 

"No no! Of course we love each other! I just want to know what all of this means to other people, that's all!" He nodded, complying.

 

"I just don't want anything to happen to us, Luhannie. I love you too much to lose you," he leaned his forehead against mine and I smiled inside. He set my insides on fire, that's how much I love him; and he was right. Who was this guy to tell us that our love isn't real?

 

I feel it in my bones and in my blood. I know how much I love him by the way he makes me laugh when no one else can. The way he turns my sad tears into happy ones when I cry. Everything about him and what he does to me proves to me that I love him, and that he loves me as well. I turned to Baekhyun and Chanyeol.

 

"He is right though, you don't have the right to tell us that we don't love each other. You don't know what our hearts do." There was a pause, in which Baekhyun was clearly thinking of what to say in reply.

 

"I know, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it the way that I did. You very well COULD love each other; but there IS a POSSIBILITY that it's a fabricated version of what you really feel-"

 

"Shut up," Jongin was fuming. 

 

"You're going to have to just listen to him, and put your feelings aside!" Chanyeol finally said something.

 

"Okay. We will. Please, Baekhyun, continue," I said and he nodded.

 

"When I worked there, at the labs, they had me...create a way to implant, take away, and alter people's memories,"

 

"Wait, if you don't believe in the perfect match process, why did you work for the labs?" Kyungsoo inquired.

 

"They recruited me, and when I heard about it, I figured the best way to stop it would be to work from the inside. So I accepted the job and...carried out my plan, but I did have to do as they told me, so as not to give myself away," he explained. "I made the machines. They worked flawlessly, they said, and after that, they had me run tests on adults and- well, you all know the process. Then Kyungsoo and his match were born, and I stopped it all from happening... but the memories had already been implanted in Kyungsoo's head. And when his match died, we had to build a wall to block them in the back of his mind, so he'd probably never reach them. Then they found out about me and what I had done, and you know the rest of the story," he finished.

 

"So why are you here now? Why does it matter now? Everything has already been done. You can't change it," Kyungsoo grumbled.

 

"True. But the machines can. They still hold all the information that has been altered or taken away," Kyungsoo perked up at this.

 

"So you're saying that they'll still work? Like...if we were to unalter their memories and take away the fake ones, they'd now for sure? If they are really in love?" Kyungsoo perked up, interested.

 

"That's enough. I'm done. I'm just- I'm done with all of this-" Jongin laughed angrily. "Listen to me," he said and pointed in Baekhyun's face. "I love him. I love Luhan, and our love is real, and you need to accept that. I don't need to take a test, or be hooked up to a machine to know who I love, okay? So thanks for coming, but no thanks. Get out of my house," he looked at Chanyeol, "you too. I never want to see you two again. Understand?" Then he his heel and headed out the door of Kyungsoo's room. 

 

Baekhyun and Chanyeol looked at me.

 

"You should probably go. We all need to sleep anyway," I explained. Then I followed Jongin out the doorway, leaving Kyungsoo to deal with the strangers he had let into our home.