Ch. 13 POV: Chanyeol

 

 

It was dark all around. I was fully aware of my surroundings, though I couldn't see, to open my eyes to them. It seemed that I couldn't really move at all. My head ached painfully, and I wondered if I would ever wake up. At first I thought I was dead, I thought that I'd had a seizure or something and died, but no. I decided that I wouldn't be able to be semi-conscious if I was dead. I willed myself to wake up, as I had the last time I fainted or... Went into a coma. I could hear the people around me. I could hear Jongin and Luhan in the next room, Baekhyun explaining everything to them. I could hear Baekhyun crying for me not to leave him alone, and I wanted nothing more than for that to stop.  But waking up wasn't easy. I could feel my body trying to die, trying to shut down completely, but my heart did not. My heart kept on beating, because it still had something to beat for. It still had someone to fight for. I focused on my steady heart, nothing else, and slowly, painfully, I felt the rest of my bodily functions steady again. My breathing became regular, my lungs no longer feeling constricted. I still felt like I'd been hit by a truck, but at least I felt more alive than before.

 

I heard footsteps approach the room where I laid. I remembered Baekhyun had carried  me in here an hour or two before, just barely before Luhan and Jongin had knocked on the door. Honestly I hadn't expected them to show up. I'd  just about given up, it had been almost two weeks since we visited the 'Perfect Pair', but Baekhyun always thought they would come. He never gave up on them. Baekhyun always seemed to assume the best in people– that was one of many things I loved about him.

 

"Well, Chanyeollie," Baekhyun voice laughed bitterly, "at least something is going right. At least they're listening to us." I wished I could see his face. I willed my eyes to open, to see, and suddenly his face was there. His brown eyes widened in surprise. "Ch-Chanyeol! Don't keep doing this. Please don't keep doing this," Baekhyun laid his head on my chest, one arm draped over my waist. I weakly lifted an arm tugged at his arm, I wanted him closer to me. He smiled a small smile, climbing up next to me, but there was something different about the way he was acting. Something strange about him.

 

"Baekhyun-ah," I started, but my voice merely squeaked harshly and I closed my eyes, frustrated. I was realizing that if I 'fell asleep' again, I wouldn't just be asleep this time, I wouldn't be able to wake myself up. So I had to tell him, he had to understand why I had done what I had. Why I pretended not to be in love with him. I unwrapped my arms from around him, and pushed him back slightly, but only far enough away for him to be able to see my face. I tilted his chin up so he was staring at me. His eyes held confusion, he was wondering why I had pushed him away.

 

I shook my head slightly and smiled as much as I could, but my face felt droopy, and tired. There was a horrible pain in my abdomen but I ignored it, I touched one finger to my lips, trying to tell him to read my lips. He blinked quickly and nodded. 

 

I love you, I mouthed. Baekhyun looked away, but I forced him to look at my face again. I needed him to see it.

 

I've always loved you, and I had. I had always loved him. He shook his head slowly. Always. Ever since I first saw you at school I– couldn't get you out of my head. The disbelief in his eyes was almost tangible. He didn't get it. He didn't understand why I had hidden it from him.

 

You have to believe me. I need you to believe what I'm saying to you, I saw tears well up in his eyes, threatening to spill over. I reached over and swiped them away with my thumbs. 

Please believe me, I would die if he didn't believe me. I was going to die anyway. He shook his head again and the tears dripped onto the sheets of the bed.

 

"Stop it," he whispered, his voice shaking. 

 

Why? because its hard? I know how hard it is. It was for me to hide how much I love you my entire life, Bekhyun-ah, I said with no sound. No voice. No one would ever hear my voice again, not even Baekhyun. 

 

"Of course, it's hard! But you can tell me when you're better, you don't need to say goodbye to me, because I know thats what you're doing," he was shaking as he said it and I swallowed a lump in my throat, "you shouldn't be saying goodbye right now, because you aren't going anywhere. Do you understand?"

 

I shook my head at him. Baekhyun-ah. It's over now, we have to let go. 

 

"I can't. I can't let go of you, I can't. I won't. I will not," His voice got louder with every word, but he wasn't yelling at me. I wasn't sure exactly who he was screaming at. Himself? Joonmyun?

 

God?

 

"This isn't happening, this isn't happening," he mumbled, tucking his face under my chin, pressing close to me again. I just held him, it was something we were never able to do before, just hold each other. Of course that was my fault, and as of now I was regretting it. But then again, at least I'd die knowing that Baekhyun was safe, or that I had done everything I could to keep him that way. 

 

We laid together for hours, not moving, or speaking, just being there, and in that moment it was nice. It was nice to just be with him. At some point I closed my eyes, not wanting to sleep but not really able to keep my eyes open either. I felt Baekhyun's fingers tracing the outline of my face. Around my eyes, down my nose, across my cheekbones, pausing at my lips, but quickly moving on, as if he hasn't meant to stop there. I reached forward and, never opening my eyes, gripped his wrists. They were cold. And his hands were shaking. I lifted my heavy eyelids up and found myself staring right into those eyes. Those eyes that made me melt every time. If I leaned forward just an inch, our noses would have been touching. Baekhyun's eyes were wet and his face tear stained and I wanted to kiss his tears away.

 

And then my hands were cupping his face and his lips were on mine and it was so much better than I had ever thought it would be, kissing him. Maybe it was only better because it was real, but it didn't matter because every single part of him was part of me now and I never wanted that feeling to stop. I let one hand slide down his side and wrap around his waist and even though I knew I was dying– I had never felt more alive.

 

Baekhyun-ah, I tried to say, but of course no sound came. But I felt his lips spread into a smile before he kissed me again and I knew that somehow, he understood what I had been trying to say. His delicate fingers curled themselves into the hair at the nape of my neck and he tilted his head slightly, deepening the kiss, and for a minute I forgot what was going to happen to me. It didn't matter, because that was later, and Baekhyun was now. I rolled onto my back, slowly, and he followed, ending on his knees with one leg on either side of my torso, and his hands pushing into the mattress next to my neck. He pulled back slightly, and broke the kiss. 

 

We both opened our eyes, and I saw his cheeks flush, and his tongue swipe across his lips. I had never seen Baekhyun look the way he was looking at me now, with such raw emotions written all over his face. I propped myself up on my elbows and brushed my lips against his lightly, then laying back down as I had been.

 

"Now you're just teasing me, Chanyeol," he said, his voice raspy, before connecting his lips to my neck. I felt him nip at the skin just under my jaw bone and I let my head fall back, my hands curling into fists. His lips found mine again, and I fumbled, looking for his shirt in the dark. I needed skin. I lifted it over his head, and seconds later I heard the pop of the buttons on my shirt and felt cold air on the scarred skin of my torso. 

 

The scars had from from the first time I had ever been tortured to get to Baekhyun. My torturers had hung me from the ceiling with sharp wires and tightened the loops around my bare torso every time they asked Baekhyun a question that he didn't answer. I still remember the feeling of the wires cutting through my skin. I remember telling Baekhyun not to tell them anything, still wanting to protect him.

 

But it didn't feel that way now. Baekhyun's lips skirted across my scars, which, even though it has been years, were still sensitive. I felt myself tense up, nails digging into his shoulders, as the warm sensation of his lips on my skin left my stomach burning. Then he was kissing me again. It was all so fast, I couldn't even keep up. Maybe because my brain was foggy. All I knew was that it felt so right, being with him. I gathered him up in my arms and pulled him right up against my body. I pulled back from the kiss and buried my face in his neck. I love you. I love you. I love you, Baekhyun-ah, I mouthed against his skin.

 

"I love you too. I love you Park Chanyeol. I'll stay here with you," he whispered, and I nodded. "I'll stay until you're sleeping, okay?" He wrapped his arms around me and held me like he'd never let go. "I won't leave you alone. I'll be here. I'll be here."

 

_______

 

 

When I woke up, I was still curled into Baekhyun's chest, and his chin was resting on the top of my head. He played with the hair at the nape of my neck, and I felt his chest expand as he took a deep breath, he'd clearly been awake for a while. I blinked a few times and moved to pull myself up to kiss him good morning, but I couldn't. My limbs felt heavy and I couldn't seem to focus my eyes. It was like they were numb. As panic began to set in, Baekhyun shifted, making the bed shake. I could hear myself breathing faster, but I couldn't feel anything. It was... Horrible... It was worse than any pain I had ever felt, and in that moment I wanted to die. I wanted so much to die, but then I saw Baekhyun, it was hard, but I locked my eyes onto him.

 

"Shhh, Chanyeol, hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay, I'm here, you're gonna be fine. You're gonna be fine, shhhh," he whispered, but I could barely hear him over the white noise in my ears. He stopped talking and laid a hand on my forehead,  but I couldn't feel the coolness of his skin. "Chanyeol... You're burning up... I'll... Go get you a cold washcloth okay?"

 

He rose and hurried out of the room, I didn't want him to go. I wanted to tell him to stay with me because I felt like I could die at any second and I just didn't want to be alone. I wanted to reach out and pull him back into the bed with me. I wanted to kiss him again. I wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I'd never stop loving him. I was panicking again, but all of a sudden a terrifying calm washed over me. I could breathe again, I could feel, I could see clearly. 

 

But I could also feel my heart rate slowing, my eyes fluttering shut. It was peaceful, I was peaceful, for the first time in days, and that was terrifying. The other times it had been so sudden, I'd been awake and then all of a sudden it was dark and it was like I was asleep. Then in my semi-consciousness I willed myself awake, but this time was different. This time I knew I was really dying. All the important moments of my life flashed before my eyes, and I realized for the first time that Baekhyun was in every single one of them. 

 

When my parents kicked me out for being gay, Baekhyun was there, his parents took me in. We spent high school together as best friends and I saw him almost all the time every day for those years. Then we went to different colleges, but made absolutely sure that they were within twenty minutes driving. We visited each other every day. He helped me run for president, I helped him study longer to become a doctor. This were happy memories.

 

Then there were memories of fighting. When he told me how he felt about me, and I rejected him. Only to protect him, but he didn't know that. The times I was tortured to get to him. I remembered Baekhyun coming home after the day Kyungsoo had been born, his heart seemingly ripped to shreds. When he woke up from nightmares of hurting people, of torturing me. They were just dreams, but I had never seen him so scared. But I realized that I loved those memories too, because I felt close to him in them, because those were the times he had really opened up to me. 

 

In the back of my mind I heard Baekhyun's voice calling my name and telling me that he was here. It pulled me back a little, but not enough. I could hear him clearly, and felt his hand in mine and his forehead against mine. 

 

I love you, I tried to say, but still I had no voice. Baekhyun nodded though, and smiled even though he was crying, I knew because I felt his tears drip on my cheeks. Or maybe those were mine, but I could hear the smile in his voice when he said-

 

"I love you too. Forever. I'm going to fix this for us. They're going to pay for what they did to you."

 

I shook my head, or I tried to. No. Get out of here. No matter what you do you can't bring me back. He had pulled back a bit to see what I was trying to say. 

 

"But they deserve-"

 

Leave when I'm gone. I closed my eyes, knowing I couldn't stay alive for another minute, knowing it was time for me to go. I listened to myself breathe and it was calming. I wasn't afraid, at least not for myself, if anything I was afraid what would happen to Baekhyun after I was gone. 

 

"Don't you dare give up Park Chanyeol. Don't you dare give up on yourself! Don't you-"

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A/N:

 

Hey guys, first order of business: yes. Chanyeol is gone now. He died. I'm really sorry, I DID tell you this story would be sad. Also I'm sorry his death scene was not very good. I had a lot of trouble with it. It was in my head but I couldnt seem to get it down on paper... you guys understand...

The reason the ending was so abrupt was basically Chanyeol...died... before Baekhyun finished his sentence... which is supposed to be sad... but I dont know...

 

Ummm..... OKAY

 

DID YOU LIKE MY BAEKYEOL????? I DID.

I'm proud of it... yayyy

 

sorry about any typos, my editor is still catching up....

 

I may or may not post another chapter today... probably NOT. but maybe.

 

PLEASE COMMENT BELOW. I really can't make my writing better or give you guys what you want if you dont and my ultimate goal here is to write a story that you guys WANT to keep reading!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Again, upvotes are MUCH appreciated, and it takes about two seconds to upvote...

 

lastly, YOU GUYS ROCK. I've been really stuck with this story and I wouldn't keep going without you my subbies!!!!!!! <3333333333

LOVE YOU

 

Thanks for being patient with me and all!!!!

- Luhandsome123

 

p.s. i cannot for the life of me figure out how to make this blue so my editor will do it when she gets to this chapter.:))))))