Taeyeon watched as Jessica gobbled down all the food, weird. She never thought souls or whatever Jessica was right now could be capable of eating.

“Yah, stop eating so fast you’re going to choke to death.”

“I don't think that’s possible right now.”

Right, what was Taeyeon thinking? She felt like a fool letting those words slip out so casually. Slowly the two forgot about why they were fighting in the first place. After they were done eating Jessica offered to clean up the mess, which is really weird considering she never does anything voluntarily. After the meal they sat down together with really no plans at all on how to spend their afternoon.

Both were doing their own thing, Jessica was playing with a stack of cards and Taeyeon was finishing her Hunger Games book. The shorter girl would glance at the other every once in a while with a question on her mind that she has been itching to ask.

“Hey Taeyeon pick a card.”

Jessica held out a stack of well spread out cards in her hand offering her leader a variety of choices.

“Is magic your new thing now?”

Taeyeon awkwardly picked a card in the middle. Jessica laughed and took the rest of the deck back.

“Maybe, it looks fun when people in movies do it. Now don't show me it, remember what card you have and put it back into the deck.”

Taeyeon studied her four of diamonds. When she made sure Jessica wasn’t looking, she placed it back into a random spot in the deck. As Jessica shuffled the deck, Taeyeon didn’t know what her mind was thinking but it went ahead and forced into asking the question she’s been dying to ask ever since.

“Jessica…”

“Hphm?”

“…Don’t you think we’re kinda…you know? Ignoring what’s really important here?”

Jessica blinked once and continued shuffling the deck.

“Important? Taeyeon I’m pretty sure I followed all the important steps to this trick.”

Taeyeon wasn’t sure if Jessica was playing dumb with her or not. So she decided to stop beating around the bush.

“I'm not talking about your trick.”

Jessica stopped shuffling this time. The room was silent, she didn’t dare to say a word. Being the fool that she was, she prayed and hoped that if she didn’t say anything this conversation would not continue.

“I'm talking about your situation. Aren’t you at least a bit worried about your time limit? This isn’t something we can just ignore and it’d go away. Ok? We need to fix this—“

“How?”

Jesssica didn’t feel the need or control to stay quiet anymore. Taeyeon unknowingly flinched at Jessica’s stern voice. Never in the long years she had known her had she ever used that voice at her.

“How do you plan on fixing this? This isn’t something one can fix by simply wanting to. I'm telling you to freaking fall in love with me! I know you can't and you won’t do that. Love isn’t something you can force on someone!”

Taeyeon was surprised at how Jessica thought of her. Who was she to tell her what Kim Taeyeon was capable of? Who was she to tell her what Kim Taeyeon couldn’t do?

“Look I know you’ve been crushing on Tiffany, I respect that. I won’t force you into this. I'm not that cruel.”

“What?! I do not like Tiffany.”

Jessica looked up from her cards and stared at Taeyeon right in the eye. She could see that Taeyeon was furious with her accusation. But why? Jessica thought she was only speaking the truth.

“I know—“

“No! You don't know! You never know!”

Jessica was taken a back at Taeyeon’s loud voice. Her confused eyes never left Taeyeon even when she stood up from the couch in her outburst.

“You always think you know everything! You’ve been like this when we were trainees and you’re like this even after we debuted. Has the thought ever crossed your mind that maybe you should have asked before you ever accuse anyone of something?!”

Jessica stood up to meet her in the eye.

“What are you—“

“No! Stop! I'm not done. What? Do you think you’re so cool and brave that you gave me up to Tiffany?! Instead of fighting for me in the beginning you coward! You were like this five years ago and you’re like this now! Even when your own life is at stake you chose to let your pride blind you and let me have my “happiness” instead of going after yours.”

“Taeyeon, I…I just thought…”

Taeyeon laughed cruelly at her.

“You thought? Well you thought wrong Jessica Jung. Because not everything that you think is correct. You thought having a relationship with me behind everyone’s back was a good idea. You thought breaking up with me right before our debut was foolproof. You thought avoiding me so our fans wouldn’t be suspicious was brilliant. And now you think that you have no chance anyways, why continue courting me when you think you know the answer. Might as well give up now then to face rejection later. Am I right Jung Sooyeon?”

Taeyeon glared at her waiting for an answer that she wasn’t even sure was going to come. The younger girl couldn’t bare look at her in the eye. Taeyeon had never called her by her full Korean name. No, not once.

“Did you ever ask me how I felt? Did you ever ask me what I think?”

“I…I'm sorry. I didn’t…I didn’t know.”

“Of course you didn’t.”

Jessica dropped her gaze at the floor again. How could she have been so stupid? She never did consider the poor girl’s thoughts on anything. She just thought she was doing everything to protect her. But all this time she was the real danger that harmed her.

Taeyeon woke her up and Jessica finally opened her eyes. Not everything was about her. At last, she has gathered up enough courage to look at Taeyeon once again. But what she saw was definitely unexpected. She was crying. Tears rolled down both her cheeks, Jessica saw how desperate she was at trying to stop and not make let one sob escape . Her leader was quietly sobbing. Her strong leader was quietly sobbing. The Kim Taeyeon is quietly sobbing. And it was all because of her.

“Don't come any closer!”

Taeyeon said through her gritted teeth and closed eyes when Jessica tried to come towards her. But Jessica didn’t care, she kept going closer and closer until she wrapped Taeyeon in her arms. Taeyeon tried fighting back and pushing Jessica away but she had no energy.

“I'm really sorry, and I mean it. I was selfish and I'm really sorry.”

Taeyeon stayed mum and secretly wiped away the annoying tears.

“Please don't cry anymore. Or else I’ll start crying too.”

Jessica felt so guilty and terrible knowing that she was the reason behind Taeyeon’s tears. She had realized Taeyeon wanted to help her and go through this with her but she just kept brushing her aside thinking she’s got this. When in reality Jessica was just as lost as an abandoned puppy in the streets of Seoul. Lost, confused, petrified, and scared of how her future would turn out to be like or if she would have a future at all. She felt it all, the only time she felt safe was when Taeyeon was around her. Oh how silly of her to only realize it now.

Taeyeon fell asleep with Jessica still hugging her on the couch. Her peaceful face while sleeping had brought a little smile to Jessica’s face. Something she hadn’t done for a while now. And that was when it hit her. She, Jessica Jung had fallen for Kim Taeyeon all over again. The feelings she had buried, for the sake of hers and Taeyeon’s career, had magically surfaced again. This time, she wasn’t going to back down. This time she was going to continue the fight she wimped out a few years back. Jessica had truly, madly, deeply fallen.

(A/N) hello you lovely hooligans ;)

bare with me, i did try to make it as realistic as possible because let's be honest. i have never had a dieing friend whom was given the chance to come back to life and make me fall in love with them to survive. and being the big directioner that i was i just had to use one of  their songs as the title and in the story, i know how shameless.