KAI

Are we really hoping that everything would go back to normal? or are we just hoping for nothing? We know for sure that the survival rate right now is very low. I even thought that it's nearly impossible to find our loved ones alive. I want to tell them that badly but who am I to crush the little flicker of hope on their chests? I am also one of them, hoping to see the ones we love alive but the difference is. I know what to do if ever their not alive anymore and I know how to act already. I just hope that all of them would accept whatever is ahead of us.

I stayed at the far side of the van just watching them trying hard to act normal despite of what's really happening around us right now. Hyosung noona is still on the wheels, driving to our first destination which was my house. I was actually nervous for the outcome but like what I said earlier. I'll just put my expectations down. I saw the other girls together with Changsub playing cards that we 'steal' from one of our late principal's 'vault'. I can say that the cards was expensive because of the shining surface in it and not to forget those tiny gold bits on the numbers and letters of the cards.

I'm really happy to see them trying their best to act normal. They're really strong and really good companions. To be honest, I expected a very dreadful trip but I guess I was wrong because look at us now. In the big van, which is a school property, having fun like everything's still in place. The scene was both happy and hard for me. It's hard for me to accept that everything's like this already. I know we're all struggling here. I just hope I can do something about this mess. If only.......

"Kai? Are you alright? you've been spacing out for almost the whole trip." Fei noona patted my shoulders and I looked up at her with blank eyes.

"I don't know how to react about all these things except about something particular" I said with a sigh.

"I know that you're a strong guy Kai and I hope that strength of yours won't fade since we need it." Fei noona said and with a final pinch on my shoulder. She rejoined the others, who were playing cards.

We need it................

I pity them for entrusting me the title as a leader. I'm not that kind of person as all of you could say. I'm selfish. I'm blind. I'm insensitive. I am nothing. 

How could they expect me to be the leader they're actually looking up too? I'm just a teenager that's madly inlove with someone back then and now I'm just a teenager whacking up those madmen. I can't do anything just killing and giving instructions. I personally want Fei noona to lead the whole troop but as a man I don't want them to think that I'm not capable of being a leader, which is correc