Note : This --> Thought

Lately, I feel like I'm not living in my body.
2 weeks before Jessica wedding, I becoming robot.
I spend my time most on my office. 
I focus hard to my job and try not thinking much about her.
I feel like living in hell, the pain in my heart is unbearable each time I remember her.
It feels angry.
It feels sad.
It feels hopeless.
It's feels died.
I might be end up in mental institution if not because my mom and Krystal.
They know what I'm going through and they support me in every step.
I'm so lucky to have them now.
I can't ask for better family than them.
Today is my last day as trainee on my office.
The day before the CEO call me and said how satisfied they are about my job and ask me to be permanent worker with very good salary offer.
I accept it right away. I mean with my mom who already move in here, I don't really have reason to go back to Jeonju now.
I just arrived back to apartment after long day. I'm so tired and all I want to do is sleep on my bed.
I loosen up my tie and undo couple first button of my shirt as I walk pass living room to go to kitchen.
I open the fridge and take one can of beer before drink it.
Bittersweet taste feel in my tongue and make me cringe from moment.
I look at the can in my hand and sigh.
I turn into Hyuk. 
I don't know since when, but now I can't stand a night without drinking it.
It's bad habit I know, but it help me calm and ease.
I finished it fast before grab another can.
" Wow I feel dejavu. " suddenly a voice join me in kitchen. I stay on my position and not turn to see who is it because I know exactly who voice is that.
" I thought you sleep. " I said, still not look at her.
" No.. I'm waiting for you. You always come home late night now Taetae. " she answer me.
" I'm working Fany. Is not like I'm having fun somewhere or something. " I sigh as I throw the empty can on trash bin before walk to my room but her hand grab mine and stop me in track.
" Why you becoming like this? " 
I look at our hand before my eyes trail up to her face who look at me concern.
" Like what? "
" Lost.. "
I just silent and stare at her.
" I don't asking you stay for me Taetae.. I never ask you to do that.. If it's really.. "
" Shush.. " I put my finger on her lips softly to stop whatever she want said. " Don't say anything.. It's my choice.. I'm sorry become jerk lately, it's my first time to be a father.. " I said softly as I stare at her lips now.
She chuckles with my answer before wrap her arms around my neck and move closer.
" I.. I love you Taetae.. " 
Her words make every muscle on my body stop move for seconds.
My eyes quickly goes up to search her eyes.
We stare each other for moment in silent. 
It's her first time ever she said the words to me.
I can see how nervous she is now. 
Her eyes look at me with hope as she smile at me a little.
Now now, how can I broke all of that.? What should I say..?
I still not answer her and this make fire and hope in her eyes slowly cast away. Her smile slowly turn into frown.
" This is my first time to say 'I love you' again since my mom died.. " she said softly as she look down. " I never brave enough to say it, because it's the last words I say to her and she gone.. " she gulp before continue. " I don't want the same thing happen again.. I don't want people I love go away.. So I keep the words and lock it in my heart, until now.. " 
I look at her sadly after heard what she said.
So that's why, she never said it..
I know how much she love her mom and I know how it still hurt her somehow when talk about it.
I gulps my saliva hard.
My eyes look around and I try breath slowly.
I really want go away now. Drown myself on deep ocean and never comeback.
I can't bear to see her broke down but I don't want lie to myself either because I've done so much lies lately. 
What should I do..? 
Suddenly my eyes catch something beside the tv.
A picture of me and Jessica.
I stare at it for moment. 
My eyes start burn and I can feel the tears almost slip out .
I take a deep breath, my eyes still on the picture, and I said the words. " I love you.. " a tear slide down on my cheek as I hoping she really can heard it.
Tiffany look up when she heard my words and I quickly divert my eyes to her and wipe my tears.
" R-really? "
I just smile to her before pull her into hugs.
As long as they happy.. 

---

I got surprise visit later that day.
No it's not someone I would think will ever appear in front of my door when I open it.
It's Kwon Yul. Jessica fiance.
At first I thought he try to meet Jessica when he come to my apartment, I mean she my best friend and she hang out a lot here.
But then he said he only want meet me, talking about something, about Jessica apparently, and that's why we now end up on my balcony with cans of beer and chating.
I seriously never think this would happen. Me and Yul hang out together.
I always seen him as annoying person who take my love away from me, but I guess that's only image I put on him since I only want Jessica only for myself.
At first it's little bit awkward, because I really don't know what to do or say. I'm afraid if I start talking I only speak nonsense and make Jessica in trouble so I wait for him to start conversation first.
The ice start melt. We talk random things, and start enjoy the chat.
I got to say Yul is good company. If we not love same person I think we can be good buddy, he's confident and optimist guy, and he's funny too, well that's my impression of him after we talk.
" So she play soccer at high school? " Yul said amazed with the fact. Well he not the first one, I mean who think that lazy princess who love sleeping will be in soccer team? No one in good think will ever put her even as substitute. 
I nods my head as I drink the beer from the can. " She play as attacker. " I continue my story. " She score several important goals too for her team, I can say she pretty good you know. " 
" Woah.. I never can imagine that Sicababy can play soccer before, I mean I even have hard time to make her walk from her bed to kitchen! " he laugh and I just smile. Something about his nickname to her is irked me.
Sicababy.. pfft..
" Hey Tae, " he call me after his laugh died down. " do you know how many guys she date before me? " he ask me curious.
I rise my eyebrows when heard his question, " Why don't you ask her yourself? "
He quickly wave his hand and I heard click sound from , " Tch, she never want tell her private life to me. I try trust me and we end up not talking like a week. " I heard him sighed.
His answer make me questioning. He's her fiance, and they will married soon, how can Jessica not trust him yet to tell not so important fact like that?
I shrug my shoulder and try not to care about the fact before answer him " She got many suitors, but I remember she only date 1 or 2 guy since I know her. " I said as I try recall our old days. " But you don't have to worry, I mean for Sica love is number 3 or something, frienship and her job is her first priority. " I continue and feel little bit bitter with the last fact. 
Yeah for Jessica friendship is everything. She treasure it so much and will do anything to protect it. Her passion over her job is come in second.
" You know a lot about her right Tae. " Yul said to me after we quiet for while. There's sound jealous little bit on his tone.
" Well I'm her best friend what you expect. " I said calmly.
" Yeah.. " I saw Yul play with the empty can on his hand and stare at it blankly. " You know I wish I can get to know her like that.. she too careful around me, seems like she build wall between us.. " I heard him sigh for while before continue. " Sometimes, I even think that maybe if I only be as her friend, she will be more open to me.. " he chuckles but I don't heard happiness on it.
I keep silent, I let him to continue what he want to say.
" Lately.. I feel she slip away from me.. you know like she's in there with me but I know her mind and soul not with me, like she left it somewhere.." 
I look down and just quiet.
I little bit feel guilty and actually feel sorry for him, he's good guy and he love Jessica truly but I know Jessica heart already with mine like my heart already with her. 
I sighed softly and I heard him continue.
" One day, we joke around, I ask her what if one of us not show up at our wedding day? I said to her that I will find her and drag her to altar if she not coming.. " I heard him chuckles and I just smile wryly at it. " And then I ask her what if I'm the one who not come, what she will do..? " 
I heard he paused for while and this make me look up and see him who now look like in dazed.
" And she answer.. I will let you go and will be happy if I see you happy.. " Yul stop again, now he looks like he's thinking. " She not even try to stop me.. " she sound little bit disappointed.
" Well.. " I cleared my throat before continue. " It's only joke right? I believe Sica will turn into HellSica if you really not show up at the wedding day and will threaten to kill you until you finally come. " I chuckles as I try lighten up the moment.
I see Yul smile with my joke. " You right, I over think. " he chuckles and take a breath as he look around. " Wow.. it's dark already, what time is it now? " he ask me and I turn my head inside to look at the clock on wall.
" 7 PM " I said to him.
" Really? We talk like 4 hours already? Hahaha " he get up and stretching. I follow him and collect all the empty can.
" I got to go now man, thanks so much for having  me here. " he pats my shoulder in friendly manner before walk to front door.
I just smile to him and follow him behind.
He bid goodbye and I left alone with new impression of Kwon Yul.

TBC 

a/n : new update! \O/
I write this chapter to make you know bit more about Fany and Yul, I they not bad people they just caught in bad situation hehe sorry if too short D:
The end is near and I'm so thankful to you who stick with story since start, many many sarang for you guys :'D
Last but not least, thanks so much for heesica10 to upvote the story!
Until next time! :D