After the talk with oppa, now it's time to face reality. To be honest, I'm not ready. But this is what I want. It's my choice. The choice that I have to stick with because I think it's right and I will never regret doing.

 

My heart accelerated as walk up the aisle towards the front of the small chapel, with one hand holding on to appa's arm and the other onto the bouquet flowes. I tried to calm down but every step I made towards the front being watched by everyone isn't helping my poor heart.

 

When appa gave my hand to Joon oppa, I felt as if the whole world crushes upon me. I feel like God is giving me a very difficult task to do. 

 

I can still hear appa's voice in my head saying, "Darling, I will love you no matter what. I will support you in whatever you do. I know you planned something with Jonghyun and his friends. I won't say anything about it. I just don't want you to regret. Believe in what you believe is right. Believe in whatever you think is the best for you. Not for anyone else. I want to see you happy."

 

As the priest was busy reading things out, I look at omma she's having a very big smile on her face. Probably the biggest I've ever seen in my whole life. Then my vision focused on appa. He had tears in his eyes but he hide it well with his smile. I feel like running up to him and give him a hug right there and then.

 

I look behind Joon oppa, there stood my elder brother who've been helping and supporting me throughout and now being the bestman. He too have tears in his eyes. I know for sure it wasnt tears of joy. We made eye contact and he just nod and smile at me before looking away.

 

It's time to exchange vows. I look back at Joon oppa infront of me with tears in my eyes. This is it. It's the best for my future, my life.

 

"I'm sorry Joon oppa, I'm not the best for you. Maybe you'll find someone better. And that person is not me. I'm sorry omma, I'm sorry everyone." I cupped my mouth and ran out of the small chapel with tears falling from my eyes. One of my shoe fell as ran but I couldn't care less. I continued running even after hearing people shouting for me and catching up with me.