“Hyung? Are you awake?” Jongin mumbled tiredly into Kyungsoo’s head. The awake boy checked his phone, it was still eleven. The older didn’t move or say anything except for a light snore. Jongin chuckled to himself and kissed him on the forehead, holding him closer. As he recalled the events from this morning, Jongin couldn’t regret anything he had done. The only thing he had possibly regretted was not being there sooner. But he couldn’t blame himself; they deliberately planned on being there earlier than normal. It angered Jongin, to think people could think about that and then proceed to do it. He sighed heavily. School was definitely going to be interesting from now on.

“Jongin?” Kyungsoo whimpered.

“Yes baby?” Jongin responded. He adjusted his position so that he could look at Kyungsoo fully. The boy’s eyes were still swollen from crying and those tears were still dried to his perfectly pale cheeks. 

Kyungsoo hesitated as he gazed at Jongin’s concerned face, “I-It’s… Nothing. Never mind.”

“Hyung-“

“Can we go back to my place, please?” Kyungsoo asked.

And Jongin wasn’t the one to deny. The ride to Kyungsoo’s house was a silent one. Jongin the radio for some background music but one could barely comprehend the lyrics of whatever song was on. Kyungsoo steadfastly stared at the window, chin propped up by his hand. Jongin didn’t dare put his hand on Kyungsoo’s knee although he wanted to do so so badly. 

“Kyungsoo-hyung,” Jongin finally broke the silence, “Are you-“

“I’m fine Jongin, I’m fine.” Kyungsoo answered quickly.

“But-“

“I don’t want to talk about it.” Kyungsoo said hastily.

Jongin bit his lip but stayed quiet for the rest of the ride. 

Immediately when they got inside the apartment, Kyungsoo bolted straight to his bathroom. He heard Jongin call out for him, but he didn’t pay attention. He felt the tears coming on again. He slammed the bathroom door shut. Clumsily, he stripped himself of his clothing and turned the shower onto its hottest temperature. Without waiting a second for the temperature to actually escalate, Kyungsoo stepped into the shower and its freezing water. He sat down on the bathtub floor and hugged himself. Before he knew it, he felt his body heaving. He couldn’t tell if the water streaming down his cheeks were tears or shower water. He sobbed loudly, praying that the shower would drown out his noises. 

For the first time in his life, Kyungsoo had never felt so alone. A part of his heart had died. How could he go back to school? So many thoughts consumed Kyungsoo’s mind. Why did his classmates do such a thing? How could they? What will happen now? What would Joonmyun-hyung say? What would everyone say?

Kyungsoo buried his face in his bare knees. His body was shaking. The temperature had finally reached its hottest, and he could feel his flesh burn under he mercy of the water. He didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything anymore. No one really wanted him here anyway, right? His biological parents obviously didn’t want anything to do with him since he was dropped off at a police station with absolutely nothing. His adoptive family is perfect, but there’s still a piece of him that will never fully fit the puzzle. He was only adopted because his parents were too old to have children, and they wanted Joonmyun to have a sibling so he wouldn’t be lonely. He only had two people he could call his best friends. But he couldn’t stick around Baekhyun and Chanyeol for forever. He would become a burden especially when they were a couple. Sure, Jongin was his boyfriend, but would his boyfriend still want to be with him after this incident? Of course not. They were only in a relationship for a month or so, and something so horrid had already happened. Jongin would be ashamed to consider Kyungsoo his boyfriend. It was all too much. 

The bathroom creaked open, and Kyungsoo gasped. Who was there? He noticed the shadow from the shower curtains starting to remove its clothes.

“J-Jongin?” Kyungsoo asked in a muffled voice.

The boy just hummed in response and reached for the shower curtain. Kyungsoo shrieked and stood up in order to keep the shower curtain closed.

“Hyung?” Kyungsoo heard Jongin voicing his concern.

“Jongin, no.” He could only respond. 

The younger tried to tug the shower curtain open once more, but Kyungsoo desperately tried to keep it closed.

“Hyung, I’m not going to do anything,” Jongin coaxed, “I just- I just want to make sure you’re okay-“

“Jongin, no please,” Kyungsoo pleaded, “I can’t.”

“Why hyung?”

“Jongin-“

“Hyung, it’s fine. It’s just me-“

“I’m insecure, okay?”

The attempt to open the shower curtain stopped, “What?”

Kyungsoo took a deep breath, “I’m insecure about myself okay Jongin? I-I’m worthless and pathetic. I have n-no use being here, and I can’t help the fact that everyone-“

“Who cares what people think?!” Jongin yelled. Kyungsoo in his breath. Jongin… Yelled. “Hyung, it doesn’t matter!”

“It matters to me!” Kyungsoo argued back. The tears were beginning to come down again.

“Hyung, look-“

“Don’t Jongin-“

“I’m worried about you hyung,” Jongin stressed, “I’m afraid that you’re going to do something bad to yourself.”

“Then let it happen!” Kyungsoo cried. “It’s not like anyone would care! It’s not like you would even want to be with me anymore, right? After what happened today- Don’t deny it J-Jongin! I’m a filthy ing orphan that no one loves.”

Kyungsoo waited for a reply. He waited a couple of seconds before he noticed Jongin putting his clothes on again. The older covered his mouth with his hand. Did he just…? Kyungsoo desperately wanted to call out his boyfriend’s name again, but before he could even form the name on his tongue, the door of the bathroom opened and slammed shut.

If the incident of earlier broke his heart, this moment definitely shattered it. Kyungsoo felt the tears finally stream down his face he covered his face with both of his hands and stumbled backwards into the bathtub wall. From there, he slid down and sobbed as the scalding water burned his skin, turning its alabaster color a lobster red. 

After what seemed like hours, Kyungsoo stepped out of the shower. He dared not to look at himself in the mirror for he knew he would only be ashamed of the reflection. He hurriedly dried himself and quickly threw on some clothes in his room. He travelled downstairs.

“J-Jongin?” He called out. No response. Kyungsoo gulped and went to the foyer where Jongin had left his backpack and shoes. And not to his surprise, they were both gone.

“J-Jongin…” Kyungsoo’s lips trembled. The tears were forming again. He covered his mouth to try to muffle his gasping. He crouched into a ball to try to stay strong. But before he could control it, he was convulsing. He let one of the most important people in his life to leave just like that? Kyungsoo curled to the ground and cried to himself. He felt so lost and alone right now. Joonmyun wasn’t even coming until late so in reality, he was alone. Kyungsoo managed to bring himself to the couch, and he held himself and cried.

*{author's note}*