AN: *sigh* just finished this. I guess I need to write it more in advance next time (I will probably find some mistake, but will change with time).

A shout out to my new subscribers and thaaaaanks so much for the kind comments I've been receiving. It's really important to me, so I appreciate it so much. You guys are ♥

CHAPTER 13

Chansung sat down and sulked, being immediately sided by Wooyoung and Nichkhun. He felt weird, almost disheartened, but their presence soothed him a little. He missed them like crazy. So much this moment almost felt unreal, like a hazy dream that could transform itself in a nightmare in seconds.

“It's going to be alright. Calm down,” Wooyoung whispered and hugged him. Their tearful reunion moments ago wasn't enough for Chansung, so he hugged him back with force enough to make the other giggle due to the excess of love.

“I'm calm,” he replied and released the other boy.

“Yeah, calm like a bomb about to explode.”

On his other side, Nichkhun watched their exchanged with furrowed brows and a tight mouth. “Is everything alright, hyung? It's been a while we don't talk.” Chansung watched when Nichkhun's expression turned from worried to sweet in seconds, but he didn't miss when Wooyoung gave their hyung a pointed look.

“A little tense, but I guess we all are, right?” He answered nervously, but gave him a reassuring smile. However he went back to being quiet, but this time his expression was serene and collected.

“Are you still mad at me?” Wooyoung whispered once again. Truthfully, he was a little upset when Wooyoung didn't attend his wedding and didn't even call. But he believed his friend when he said he missed the ceremony for an important reason.

“No, I'm not. I believe you. But tell later what happened, okay?” Nichkhun seemed lost in thought, but faced them with alarmed eyes when he heard the question. Wooyoung opened his mouth, but closed it when he saw what happened next. Junho arrived, making Chansung's heart skip a beat.

Oh, gosh. How much he missed Junho. So many sleepless nights thinking about him. So many rehearsed speeches and imaginary conversations he had on his mind to prepare himself for this moment. But nothing could prepare Chansung for this.

Junho's hair was black as the night, making a contrast with his milky silky complexion. His body was toned as ever, his tight pants making it evident. But because of the dark shades, Chansung couldn't see the thing he missed the most: his eyes. He missed the moments his expression would turn into tiny slits when he smiled. Those moments were one of the few Junho looked unguarded, honest like a smiling child. In those moments, there were not barbs, no iness, no ironies. Just the softness of his look, only pure and unadulterated happiness. He remembered how in the past all it took was that sight and Chansung was lost to it. One look and he felt safe.

But there was no eye smile now. Junho looked around the hesitant faces with a scared look. That is, until he reached Chansung. Right then, he looked disgusted, maybe haunted. As if the maknae was a ghost he buried long ago.

“I'm out of here. I don't appreciate being ambushed,” he said. His voice wasn't loud, but it wasn't a whisper either. But it was enough to make Chansung cringe. In that moment, he felt like running away himself. He felt like a fool for coming, for giving this a chance, for thinking that maybe this could work. Wooyoung grabbed his hand and squeezed, showing his silent support.

“No, wait,” Minjun shouted and grabbed his arm. “Why are you behaving like this? Hear us out. You don't even know what is this all about.”

“Oh, please. It's about a reunion. Isn't it?”

“Well...”

“I knew it. But I'm gonna make this easy. I'm not going back to 2PM. I have a career now. A big one, I'm not going back to living together with 5 guys and little say about the music I do. I am my own boss now,” he said loud enough for everyone to hear, a smirk on his face and venom dripping from his words.

Chansung's heart ached a little, for him and for his bandmates, but he couldn't look away while he rebelled against Minjun. Junho looked so different, so foreign to his own eyes. At the same time, he looked the same. Impressively beautiful, ambitious, sharp. Eventually, Taecyeon tenderly placed Soohyun on the couch and joined the duo. While they talked in hushed tones, he noticed Minjun's son looking scared.

He got up and approached the little boy, getting on his knees to get at the child's eye level. “Is everything alright, Soohyun?” In a tiny voice he replied yes, but Chansung realized he was probably scared due to all the commotion. “You want to show me your toys while daddy is talking?” Once again, a small yes. So Chansung grabbed his hands and went upstairs. Let them soothe the beast.

When they passed, Junho looked down, refusing to look Chansung in the eyes. That hurt him, but he guessed he got used to it somehow. And if it wasn't for the little scared boy he be out of this house right at that moment. He left the room because he wouldn't beg Junho like he did so long ago.

While he went up the stairs holding Soohyun's hand, he still listened to their hushed words. Finally he heard a “what about his scandal?” That damned scandal. Whenever he forgot about it, someone would always mention it. Pushing him to that dark place again.



A few years ago


Chansung stared at Wooyoung with misty eyes while he packed his belongings. He was sad not only for the guy next to him, but for the other one in the next room. He wanted nothing more than to be there enjoying their last day together, but he knew Junho wouldn't appreciate it.

“I wish we were enlisting together, Wooyoungie,” he said with a pout.

“This drama will be good to you,” he added with seriousness. The action seemed disconnected, not like the usual Wooyoung, all innocent and cute. :Lately there was something odd about his bandmate, but he couldn't put a finger on it or understand when the sudden change happened.

“I know.” In reality, Chansung, Wooyoung and Junho were supposed to enlist at the same time, while Taecyeon and Minjun went a year before. But he got offered a role in a Japanese drama and the company decided he could go afterwards. It wasn't ideal, but acting was one of his passions so he didn't complain.

“Are you not going to talk to Junho?” his friend asked. He seemed concerned, but not quite there. Like his mind was elsewhere. But he figured it was only natural since he was parting with friends, family and band.

“I'm sorry, Woo. Here I am pouting when you are leaving for two whole years. Sorry. I don't want to burden you with my stuff or my problems with Junho. Not when you are about to leave.”

“Why are you apologizing? You can pout and talk about your problems all you want,” he grinned, maybe the first real smile he gave Chansung in a while. He also stopped ordering his things and hugged the maknae tightly.

“Wooyoung, do you ha-” Junho froze mid step when he saw the two friends hugging each other. He looked pointedly at their arms around each other.

“What is it, Junho?” Wooyoung said, taking his arms off Chansung.

“Nah, nevermind,” he said curtly and left.

“You really need to talk to him.”

“I tried lots and lots of times. You know how he is.”

“But this time is different, Chansung. You guys won't see each other for a while. Take the chance to make things right, otherwise you will regret it later,” Wooyoung added. He seemed weirdly wise, almost eerie when said those words.

“I will think about it.” He went back to his own room to finish packing. He would depart to Japan that night, but everything was almost ready so he just added a few last minute details and he was done. He laid down on his bed and thought of the many times Junho shut him down, mistreating the maknae and not even speaking to him.

But at times, he thought the other boy felt something for him. Sometimes he caught Junho looking at him with something mysterious on his eyes, but that would quickly vanish to give space to same old Lee Junho.

Chansung quickly got ready and grabbed his suitcase. Wooyoung, Junho and the manager responsible for taking him to the airport were waiting for him on the living room. His two bandmates would join the army in a few days, so this was their last and definitive goodbye.

“Take care, my Wooyoungie.” He hugged his friend and whispered on his ear. They stay there for a while, just enjoying each other's warmth. “Call me anytime, okay?”

When he went to say goodbye to his other bandmate, Junho turned his face. He looked conflicted and sad. From the corner of his eyes, Chansung saw a tiny drop of moist falling. And that did it. He grabbed the arm of the smaller man and dragged him to his room.

“What are you doing?”

“Shut up.”

He closed the door and planted a kiss on Junho's mouth. But it wasn't pretty or skillful. Just passionate, hints of desperation marking their pace. Chansung hugged the smaller man firmly, one of his hands holding Junho's face so he wouldn't move. After what it seemed like a century, Junho reciprocated the kiss just as desperately, his tongue just as eager.

Their hopelessness was overwhelming, so much they grabbed each other without any restraint or control, battling with their tongues and limbs.

“Please...” Chansung trailed between pants, biting that pink mouth and his lips. “Please talk to me. I don't want to go that way.” Their panting was loud, but his heartbeat was louder. He looked at those full moon eyes and waited. And for a second he allowed himself to dream, for the briefest moment he dared to think they get together. But the blow came quickly.

Junho shook his head violently. “No, I can't. No.” He pushed Chansung away, putting some distance between them.

“Why not?”

“Because I'm not even gay. And I don't love you.” His mouth sputtered the words, but his eyes told another story. They were conflicted and wet, telling Chansung his mouth was not truthful.

“You are lying.”

“No, I'm not. Go away, Chansung. I just can't stand this anymore.”

“Jun-”

“Leave me alone, please. I'm begging you. Please?”

That was the final blow. Chansung couldn't say not to such a heartfelt request, so he made his decision. He left Junho in tears and there, in that room, he also left his heart. He didn't want to burden Junho. Love was not supposed to be heavy, something you carry on your shoulders to make each other cry.

“Goodbye, Junho.” He went to living room and grabbed his suitcase. And didn't look back.




A few hours later he was in Japan in a party with the cast of his new drama. “Please, can I have your strongest drink?” The bartender said nothing, but got a bottle of vodka and poured a mouthful of the transparent liquid. He needed not to think, so he grabbed the glass and in seconds the booze was scorching his throat. He repeated the action many and many times.

A shy hello was the last thing he remembered when he woke up the next day in a strange hotel room wrapped in white pristine sheets and with no clothes on.

“Damn it, what did I do?”

AN: I feel bad for bringing more angst, but I wanted to show how they drifted apart. But worry not because better times are coming (I guess). What did you guys think? Hope you liked it. And bring some comments, pleaseee *grabby hands*. Love you, bbs. Until next week.

UP NEXT: Nuneo.