READ: ITALICS ARE THOUGHTS. GREY ARE FLASHBACKS & MEMORIES. ENJOY!

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Youngjae’s finger kept on pressing on the next button of the TV’s remote control, switching channel every five seconds. He’s been doing this for almost quarter of an hour now since he settled on their living room as soon as he arrived from school, changing into comfortable clothes and grabbing some snacks in their fridge. He sighed as he found himself back to the channel he was before he did his channel-surfing. He dropped the black device on his side as he realized that there’s no point of doing another round for he knew nothing can get his interest at the moment.

He wished to divert his attention to anything else but today’s events. He went straight home thinking that all he needs is some rest and probably everything will be fine, somehow he hopes still. So he found himself in front of their TV, for he rather be there than in his room where he would definitely be occupied with his thoughts of Daehyun.

“you’re watching that?” He raised his head to his side and saw his parents, a bowl of fruits in his mom’s hand and a newspaper in his dad’s, taking the empty seats on the couch. HE shook his hand as he handed his mother the remote.

He looked at the TV as it was changed into a variety music show, his mother’s favorite. He then gazed back to his father who was busy reading the paper.

“did you start packing?” He got confused as he heard the question. He stared at his mother waiting for further explanation of why he needed to pack.

“what you forgot? We’re taking a vacation..we’re going to Jeju..”

“what?” Youngjae gaped. He didn’t forget about that, for he didn’t remember knowing about it at all. “you didn’t tell me..”

“Youngjae baby I told you last week..when I took the laundry in your room..” Youngjae sent a puzzled look to his mother that was returned by a loud sigh.

“i thought so..you said yes..but yeah you seemed unaware of your surrounding staring at the ceiling..”

“you should have asked me again..what if I don’t like to come..or I already have plans?”

“like what?”

Youngjae scratched the back of his neck letting out an annoyed groan. “I’m a grown up..i definitely have plans..”

His mother raised his brow looking at him as if she didn’t believe any words that came from him. He sighed plopping his back at the soft cushion.

“well we just thought you wanted to relax, and have fun..next year will be stressful since you’ll be preparing for your university entrance exam....and also we noticed that you seemed to be in a lot of stress this past few weeks.. this vacation can help you relieve the stress you had this year so you will feel good for next year and maybe forget your problems and unwind..”

Relax..Unwind..forget my problems..The idea became appealing to him. He definitely needs to unwind

and relieves some stress. It might help him forget, too.

“if you want we can still cancel th-“

“NO!” He shouted gaining not only his mother’s attention but also his father. He faked out a laugh before clearing his voice. “I mean..yes..we should go on a vacation..”

“but you sai-“

“what? I’m not saying anything? I will go up in my room and pack.” He stood up straightening his shirt in the process. “oh..when are we leaving?”

“this weekend”

“ok..great” Youngjae was about to leave when his father called out for him. He faced them and smiled.

“why don’t you invite Daehyun? I heard his parents are in China so he won’t be going home to Busan..”

“right..ask Daehyunnie..it will be lonely if he’ll be here alone in Christmas” His mother became excited as his friend’s name was mentioned.

His smile gradually faded as he was caught off guard with the suggestion. How can he ask Daehyun to come if he’s sole reason in coming in this trip is to get away from his friend. He felt a tinge right on his chest as he realized the state there friendship is in now. If not of all the happenings between them, he will be gladly and excited to invite his friend. Or perhaps he will not come to this trip and stay with Daehyun and spend the break together, doing things they normally do before all of this happened. He missed those days.

“Jae?” He pulled out from his trance as he heard his father’s deep voice.

“well..” He swallowed. “I think he can’t come with us..”

“why not?” His mother asked with concern.

“he already told me about his plans..he’ll be going with his..” He paused deciding if it’s necessary to tell them. “lover”

An audible ‘oh’ was heard from where his parents are. He looked at them and smiled.

“yep..Daehyun’s in a relationship now..he’s in the right age so it’s not that surprising..” He said as his fingers unconsciously played with the hem of his shirt, certainly become one his habit when he’s uneasy.

“omo..our Daehyunnie’s is all grown up now..anytime soon our Youngjae will be one who’s having his girlfriend..” A deep sigh was released from his mother. He averted his gaze as he felt guilty with half lie he just said. Of course, it’s a half lie. Daehyun will unquestionably choose to be with Yongguk so there’s no need to ask. And again, his whole reason is to forget, and Daehyun to be present in that trip will spoil its purpose.

“I’m going up and pack..good night”

His parents’ good night reached his ears as soon as he turned his back on them and walked towards the stairs. He quietly closed his door and threw himself on his bed, not minding to open any lights. The small streaks coming from his window were enough for him to see the bare ceiling in front of him. This is what he meant about not staying in his room. He, was again, filled and drown with his thoughts especially the last encounter he had with Daehyun at the classroom. A part of him wanted to know more about Daehyun’s side. It was too late when he realized that he just ignored him as he was taken by jealousy and his surge of emotion. But then a little of him, is telling him that he did the right thing. He saved himself from more pain and stopped from having false hopes. Escaping is always the solution for cowards like him. He admits it. Nothing changed. He’s still the weak boy that other kids liked to bully. The coward one that is afraid of something that is yet to happen and who always runs away.

He runs. As fast as his short legs could. He turned left as saw his spot. He crawled under the old cemented elephant shaped slide and curled down hugging his knees against his chest. Quiet sobs escaped his small lips as he wiped the threatening tears with the back of his hand.

“hey” He almost jumped in surprise when he heard a voice from the side. He watched as someone invaded the small space left on his hiding spot. As the stranger found a comfortable position in front of him he flashed his teeth with a smile.

“why did you run away? You left me there with those bullies”

He furrowed his brows before climbing out of the crowded space. He dusted his pants and wiped his runny nose with the sleeve of his shirt.

“that’s gross..here” he saw the same boy handing him a blue handkerchief. He just stared at it as he is still confused on why this boy is talking to him.

“here let me” He stepped back his arms automatically y stretched forward pushing the boy in front of him. The said boy almost stumbled down if not of his reflexes.

“I will only wipe your face..” the stranger said  his bright smile gone. Somehow little Youngjae felt bad about his treatment to his savior. The boy saved him from the bullies just a while ago.

“sorry.. but you don’t need to” He said in soft voice averting his gaze to his shoes.

“it’s fine..you’re quite strong..why don’t you fight back to those bad boys? You’re actually bigger than them”

Youngjae glared at the boy. He became sensitive to words regarding his physique. “did you just call me fat?”

“no..i mean..i call you big..but it’s a compliment..look at me I’m too skinny that my umma said one day the wind will blow me away” The boy spoke in a high tone, his eyes turning into crescents.

“calling someone fat is never a compliment..it’s meant to tease them”

“well not for me..i think you being fa..chubby is cute..you’re cute” Youngjae felt his cheeks heated. He suddenly felt embarrassed and uncomfortable. Then his one hand was lifted from his side and found it enveloped on the other’s smaller ones.

“I’m Daehyun..i’m eight..let’s be friends…”

Youngjae gaped at their joint hands then to the boy’s face looking for any trace of teasing or joking on his expression.

“why?”

“why not?”

“other kids don’t like to be friends with me..cause I’m fat..and I cry a lot..so why?”

Daehyun stepped closer bringing that blue piece of cloth and touched his face with it, wiping the fallen tears he was unaware of.

“because I like you..”

“because I like you..” he whispered those words as the memory, out of the blue, replayed on his mind. He remembered being dragged by Daehyun back to the field, not letting go of his hands until their parents arrived to take them home. As a kid, he didn’t give much attention to what those words meant. He was overwhelmed by the fact that for the first time someone showed interest on being his friend. He was so happy that he recalled staying awake for the whole night and was too excited to go to school the next day.

His first friend, Jung Daehyun.

The memories of their childhood brought him a genuine smile on his lips. It felt good going back to those innocent younger days. How he wished he could go back and just stay there if possible forever. When everything’s simple, Daehyun and him together, inseparable.

“why did it become like this?” Youngjae spoke to himself. “I shouldn’t have fall for you..”

He rolled to his side, putting his folded arm tucked under his head as he let his free hand caressed the soft fabric of