Yongguk POV

"Who was it?" Zelo asked from the door. I turned and faced the the sound of his voice.

"My Doctor, he's coming over to talk to me about my sight." I shrugged.

"Your..Doctor?" He asked hesitantly. I nodded.

"Why? You don't like needles?" I teased. He gave a forced laugh and I heard him shuffle away. I wondered what was wrong with him, he seemed a little nervous, or perhaps it was just my head.

Zelo POV

Half an hour passed and my heart still didn't stop pounding. If it's just his doctor, I shouldn't worry about it, I will just stay in the kitchen and hide. I took a deep breath and calmed myself, it was just his doctor. It would be worse if it was Himchan or Youngjae, they were like his brothers. They would tell him anything. After what seemed like a couple minutes there was a knock at the door, I wanted Yongguk to answer it, but my luck wouldn't allow it.

"Zelo! Can you get that?" He yelled from down the hall, I took a deep breath and clenched my fists. 

"Okay!" I yelled back. I put down the knife I was holding and looked around for a scarf of some sort to cover my neck with but I had no such luck, there was nothing to cover my scars. I cursed lightly and hurried to the door. I opened it slowly, hesitating, I contemplated just slamming the door shut and running to hide but I didn't.

"Hi, is Mr. Bang here?" He asked. I avoided eye contact and silently nodded with my head down, I motioned for him to come in. He proceeded with caution. I closed the door behind him quickly, then continued on back to where I was. I noticed the doctor's eyes were watching me intently, I hurried back to the kitchen with my eyes on the floor. The doctor looked around for a clue as to where Yongguk might be, I peeked around the corner and seen Yongguk walk into the room slowly. The Doctor noticed him and guided him to the couch, I let out a deep breath and went back to the kitchen to try and cook in peace.

"Mr. Bang how are you doing?" he asked with a smile, Yongguk nodded at his question.

"I'm doing well doctor." He answered. 

"Did you get a new friend?" The doctor asked politely, Yongguk smiled wider.

"Yeah, we met a while back when I first moved here."

"That's good, Someone to keep you company. Well Mr. Bang. I came to check your eyes, I think you may be getting your eyesight back soon. But I can't be too sure." The Doctor pulled out some tools to check the condition of his eyes and Yongguk listened, waiting patiently with excitement. He could finally be able to see Zelo, Youngjae and Himchan. All the people that he's been longing to see for so long. He wondered if Youngjae cut his hair, or if Himchan dyed his again. He wanted to see them smile again.

Most of all he wondered what his love looked like. If he was everything he imagined him to be.

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"Mr. Bang, blink twice for me please. Can you see any shadows or light?" He asked the final question and Yongguk shook his head. "Alright, the check up is over." 

"Will I be able to see soon?" He asked impatiently.

"Well, not right away, If you continue to use those drops I gave you then your sight will come back in about 3 weeks or so. Your sight won't fully return until 1 week after you start to see again." The doctor packed up his things.

"Really? So I'll be able to see again soon? Thank you doctor for helping me, really, thank you." Yongguk shook his hand clumsily.

"Just remember to use those eye drops." The doctor laughed light heartedly.

"Zelo, Come here!" Yongguk yelled, grinning from ear to ear.

____

I finished putting the steak on the plate. I'm sure it probably didn't taste as well as I thought it would, but Yongguk probably wouldn't mind.

"Zelo, Come here!" Yongguk called. I looked up from where I was, anxiously stepping into the livingroom. 

"Yes?" I asked quietly, approaching Yongguk and the doctor.

"Guess what? The doctor says that I will be able to see soon!" He said happily. Yongguk grinned, he looked so joyous, it was hard to disregard his happiness. See again? Then that means....

"That's great." I said, not as happily as I would have wanted. Yongguk didn't seem to notice, the doctor continued looking my way curiously and a bit concerned, I had a bad feeling about the look he was giving me.

"Young man, those scars there." He motioned to his neck, "Have you received treatment for those?" The doctor asked. I froze in fear and my eyes widened at the question. I felt nauseous and uneasy.

"W-what scars?" I asked in a shaky voice, my hands trembling slightly.

"Those on your neck." He said. "Are they painful?"

"Sometimes, but it happened a long time ago. I'm okay now." I said with clenched fists, my voice was strained and I felt like crying. This man didn't have the right to ask such questions. Yongguk suddenly stood up.

"Thank you for everything doctor, I'll make sure to use the eye drops. Zelo, will you show him out?" Yongguk asked in a hurry. I nodded, walking to the front door, the doctor waved once and then finally left. I let out a deep breath and huffed angrily. 

"Zelo, I know about those scars and I know your angry." Yongguk spoke softly. "I know you are, I can tell, but I just want to know why." He said sitting down in his place again. I was upset and didn't feel like taking to anyone, not even Yongguk so I turned away from him.

"It doesn't matter. Dinner is in the kitchen, I'm going home." I replied back to him, shaking off his sudden questions. I gathered my things rapidly, not wanting to stay in the same room as Yongguk any longer than I needed to. It was suffocating.

"Aren't you going to eat?" He asked. I shook my head, then remembering he couldn't see me.

"No. I want to rest." I walked over to the door and slipped on my boots one at a time, reaching down to lace them up.

"Then rest here." He stood up and looked over towards me. 

"I don't want to."

"Don't leave Zelo, hey I'm sorry for asking questions. Just don't leave." He pleaded.

"I have to take bokshil home." I grabbed my coat and threw it on, zipping it up and hiding my face under the hood of my jacket. I grabbed Bokshil by the collar and gently pulled him next to me.

"I'll take care of him."

"It's getting late." I whispered and self consciously ran my hand over the skin of my neck.

"Zelo! Why do you always make up excuses for everything! Stop lying to me alright? I don't know why you're doing this but it's not okay!"

"Just leave me alone Yongguk. If I don't want you to know about my life then why should it matter?" My tone was almost defeated, I hated that I sounded so weak.

"It matters because I care about you! I'm not here to harm you Zelo! Why do you constantly shut me out? I have so many questions yet you never answer any of them!"

"I'm going home Yongguk." I whispered coldly, turning around so I wouldn't see the hurt look on his face, I opened the door,

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Yongguk POV

I stood still for a moment, waiting for the door to close.

"I'm afraid Yongguk. Just give me some time." He whispered. 

Then the door shut.

I sat down angrily.

I wasn't angry at him.

I was angry at myself for yelling at him.

He never told me anything, it was so frustrating.

He was like an empty book.

"What are you so afraid of Zelo?"

 2 days later

"Here Himchan and Youngjae. I bought these for you awhile ago but never had the chance to give them to you." I handed over the presents that Zelo picked out.

"Wow," Himchan whispered to himself, "These are amazing Yongguk, thank you!" I heard Himchan rustling the bag that it came in, he gave me a quick one armed hug.

"Thanks Yongguk, but how did you pick these out?" Youngjae put a hand over my shoulder.

"Zelo bought them actually." I said softly. He was still on my mind, Zelo didn't come to visit for 2 days now, I was worried.

"Oh, that Zelo guy you're always talking about. He seems like he has good style." Himchan commented, referring to the earrings he received.

"I wouldn't know." I said bitterly.

"Hey, your sight will be back soon, don't worry." Yougjae patted my back. I nodded.

"Well, were going to sleep. See you tomorrow Yongguk." I heard Himchan's footsteps move farther away from me.

"Don't lose those presents either!" I yelled after him.

<><><>

Zelo POV

For two days I have been hiding in my apartment. From what? Myself.

My head.

Those voices.

I was afraid of myself, I was afraid of my Father.

I was afraid of getting hurt.

I was afraid of Yongguk finding out.

I'm just afraid.

Afraid of everything.

My thoughts were what always hurt me the most.

I was determined to never let it happen again.

Yet here I was. My face buried in my hands, tears streaming down my face. Sobs ripping through my throat and there was no one who could help. Yongguk would soon be a distant memory and all this would still be a permanent nightmare.

He's coming back

He'll find you

He'll hurt you

and there will be no one to save you.

I always thought I was better off dead, I could never be that lucky.

I was never a strong person.

It's been proven. These scars on my neck, the broken bones, the torn skin.

I was weak, everything was at its breaking point.

I couldn't fix anything.

No one would understand.

If I can't even understand myself how can anyone even hope to?

Where would I start with Yongguk?

Apologies were never enough.

I got used to running and now I couldn't stop.

This was supposed to be a new life. Moving here was supposed to make it better.

Nothing will get better.

You're done now.

It's over.

Start running.

Now Yongguk's sight will return and me? 

I'll have to leave.

Leave the only person that ever listened, even when it was something he couldn't understand.

He attempted to read the book that I was, even if I was a tattered cover.

Yongguk was death for me. 

A thing that I would have been lucky to have.

But not lucky enough to keep.