http://youtu.be/XaaXR7G_xQg

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It was getting late and Youngjae sat quietly in the corner of Daehyun’s room. It was empty and silent and it was the perfect opportunity for him to sit and think. Do you think she will be okay? Youngjae had always asked this question, and the answer was always the same.

Youngjae tilted his head back to stare at the odd pattern on the ceiling.

"Yongguk shouldn't have went out that day." He whispered to himself, closing his eyes, he tried to remember her face, it always made him calm.

...

After Yongguk's mom got sick, they had to find a way to pay hospital bills. Being a poor family, you can imagine how terrible it was for them. They went to desperate measures to make sure she was okay, borrowing money being Yongguk's idea, but in the end, she was not.

They were left alone.

There was a loud argument going on in the small apartment and Youngjae tried to tune them out. He figured it must have been just another regular fight between Himchan and Yongguk but he had been wrong.

They had been in debt for a while, and they were in a very bad place, Yongguk always stormed off and got angry often. These days it had been worse, Yongguk's mom had passed away and she took care of them as if they were all her own sons, now they all had no one.

"Don't talk to me about it anymore Himchan, I know! Okay? I know!" Yongguk paced back and forth. He was breathing heavily as Himchan glared at him from across the room.

Lashing out, Himchan finally lost his composure, "What are we going to do? We can’t keep hiding! I'm serious Yongguk, please think about Youngjae! We have to do something!" Standing in front of him, Himchan grabbed Yongguk's jacket violently, his voice cracked as he was crying, "This is all your fault! I hate you Bang Yongguk."  Himchan dropped to the floor and sat against the couch, burying his face in his hands. "I hate you."

Yongguk walked to the door and stood by it, "I know you hate me Himchan and I hate myself too. I'm sorry...I really am." Yongguk opened the door and slammed it shut, walking off into the silent, black night. This lead to Yongguk being attacked by the people they owed money to, and he was left with a warning. Nobody really expected Yongguk to go blind from the attack, but it happened.

...

...

Youngjae POV

Now, here we are now, still being followed and the burden still weighed heavily on us.

I sighed softly, thinking about how nice it was when Himchan and Yongguk got along and when we all had family dinners with Yongguk's mother. I remembered the days when we would talk to each other and laugh with each other. I didn’t know where those times had run off to. I missed those days terribly, now we lived in constant fear and I hated it. I wished everything were back to normal.

I wish that everything was okay again.

I was startled when the bedroom door opened and Daehyun walked in. I smiled at him from the corner of the room where I sat. It was quite awkward because we didn’t talk much, but nonetheless, we still got along.“Hey Daehyun,” I spoke softly, and he just nodded back. “Are you okay?” I asked him, he looked tired.

He just laughed softly, “I’m fine, why do you ask?” He said, searching for something on one of his shelves.

 I shrugged, “You just look tired.” I stood up, walking over to the mattress on the floor. “What are you looking for?” I asked, watching his weary movements. He laughed awkwardly once again before reaching above his bed and grabbing a red medicine bottle.

He held it up above his head, motioning to it, “Headache.”

He seemed to stumble over his words a lot, and I couldn’t help but find it charming. “Oh, do you need help with anything? Is the store okay?”

He downed the medicine with a gulp of water and shook his head. “I’ll call if I need anything. After lunch probably,” I nodded at his statement, I was hoping he would say otherwise. Daehyun smiled one last time before escaping the room quickly, I exhaled in relief. Daehyun made me nervous, I didn’t like the feeling.

…

Jongup POV

I was slacking off on the internet while Himchan was downstairs working with Daehyun. They bickered a lot, and teased each other. It was a little weird at first and I had to admit I was a bit jealous but I got used to it once I realized that Daehyun had an interest in Youngjae. I was really going to help in doing my work today, but I didn’t feel like it. For one thing, I was worried about Junhong, not only that but Yongguk had dragged my best friend off. I didn’t want someone like Yongguk messing with Junhong, especially since Yongguk is as old as Himchan, and Junhong is so young. They hadn’t come back yet, but when they did I would make sure to talk to Junhong about it. He had been acting weird since the beginning. 

A few more minutes of searching up American music, I had finally heard the back door to the shop open up. I paused my searching and sprinted downstairs to go meet Junhong. But what I had seen hadn’t pleased me. Junhong walked into the shop with red eyes and a puffy face. Yongguk walked in behind him with a worried look, Junhong had been crying.

I glared at Yongguk, pulling Junhong away from him. “What do you think you’re doing?” I asked angrily. “What happened?” I asked Junhong softly, pulling him into a hug. He pushed away from me and ran upstairs, I turned to Yongguk and began to yell at him in front of the whole store. “What did you do!?” I yelled, I didn’t mean to lose my temper.

He stood there with an apologetic look on his face, “I didn’t-...I just-...He was…“ I didn’t let him finish, instead I ran upstairs after Junhong. I pushed the door to our room open and seen him lying on my bed, curled up in blankets. I frowned and closed the door softly.

“Junhong?” I sat on the bed next to him, I knew exactly what to do, knowing him for so long. I could never leave him alone, because when I did, that’s when his thoughts attacked him the most. I gently patted his back and heard him crying again. He was a sensitive and fragile person, especially since he had been broken so many times. “Hey, it’s okay, I’m here.” I sighed softly and unraveled his face from the blankets. He hiccupped a couple times and I smiled. “What’s wrong?” I let him lay there, his face the only thing showing. Mounds of blankets were piled on top of him, he shrugged and buried his face in the pillows. “Come on Junhong, tell me please?” I took off his beanie and his soft hair. “I can wait all day.” I always said this whenever Junhong was upset, because he knew it was true. 

He sniffled and showed his face again. “I’m not worth anything Jongup. I’m ugly inside and out.” Junhong let his tears fall again and I didn’t try to stop him. “I’m worthless Jongup, nobody wants me. I just-“ he got caught up in his words and I shushed him, his hair again.

“No, no, no...” I whispered. It was always the hardest seeing him like this.

“I just want someone to love me...and not in the way that you love me. I just feel so bad because…because…I let everyone down all the time and-” He sighed heavily and stopped talking altogether.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened with Yongguk?” It was odd, nothing was adding up, usually I could tell what was happening with Junhong, but this seemed different. This was something else.

…

I clenched my hands underneath the blankets and tried to calm myself before continuing on, I knew I should probably tell Jongup now.

“Hyung…it’s about Yongguk.” I whispered. Jongup didn’t say anything, he always listened first.

////

Jongup held me with a sad expression on his face, he always had this face on when I had told him how I felt about things. The atmosphere was quiet while he took everything in, I trusted Jongup.

He rubbed my back soothingly and sat there with me, right next to me in the deafening silence.

And then he said it,

“It’s okay.” He smiled that smile, and everything was just like it always had been. A relieved sigh escaped my mouth and I wiped at my eyes. I had been crying a lot lately, I realized this somewhere between confessing everything about Yongguk, and telling Jongup about how I had lied to him, and shut him out.

Jongup thought for a bit as he listened to me struggling to stop crying, “You’ll always be okay Junhong, no matter what.”

Another silence.

“Hyung?...”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too, Junhong.”

“Please remember that, even when I’m at my worst.”

“I will.”

<><><> 

I sat at one of the chairs in the café with a troubled expression permanently etched onto my face. I had to check on Junhong soon, but I didn’t want to interrupt him and Jongup. I knew Jongup was probably still angry at me. The two were pretty close to start with, I didn’t blame him.

After another ten minutes, I decided to go up to the room and check if he was okay. I caught Daehyun and Himchan casting worried glances towards my direction but I ignored them. Walking up the stairs, I stood in front of the door and took a deep breath, I pushed it open and peeked my head inside.

“I will.” Jongup said, Junhong was against his chest, still crying silently. My heart broke. For two reasons.

“Hey…” I said, they both looked up towards me. “Can I…come in?” Jongup smiled at me, and I was taken aback. I expected him to yell at me, but he didn't.

“Of course,” Jongup said. I closed the door behind me and stood by the bed. “Uh…I’m really sorry, “ I whispered with my head down. I looked up and watched Junhong sit up and smile at me.

He is really beautiful.

“You didn’t do anything.” Jongup said, “Sorry for, you know- yelling at you.” Junhong looked at Jongup with a shocked expression and Jongup chuckled sheepishly.

“It’s alright, I just wanted to make sure Junhong was okay.” I sat down next to them on the bed, becoming comfortable.

“You guys stay here, I have to go check on Himchan, he’s working down there with Daehyun. Who knows what chaos could happen.” Jongup laughed softly, then got up and left. I looked towards Junhong with happiness in my eyes, he wrapped the blankets tighter around him, he looked cute.

“I hope you're all right. You barely drank your hot chocolate.” I spoke and he looked down. Junhong smiled apologetically, but he never spoke a word. I accepted that fact, and sat up against the wall with him. I pulled the blankets over my legs and sighed happily. I didn’t know why I cared so much about this kid, but I didn’t care. He meant something to me now. I hardly know him, but I care about him. He makes everything seem familiar and safe.

There was silence, but somehow we understood each other. It was odd, but that’s how it was.

Everything about it was beautiful.

...

I walked down the stairs after leaving them behind in the room. My smile faded from my face and I slowly walked to the back of the store. My mind was barely working and my arms felt heavy, my body felt heavy. I kept it together until I got to the back counter, I collapsed behind it and buried my face in my hands. It only took a few minutes, but Himchan had found me in this pathetic state.

“Are you okay?” he asked and I nodded.

“It’s hard...it’s just hard seeing Junhong suffer. I can’t do anything about it, and I hate everyone who ever did anything bad to him.” I whimpered, and tried to keep my tears from falling but they did anyways. No one had ever seen me like this before. I tried to stop myself from talking but the words poured out anyway, “W-why did…why did Junhong h-h-have to be the one to endure this pain? He’s innocent…he doesn’t d-deserve it.” I stuttered over my words but I didn't care. I cried harder, I let myself go for the first time. I could never cry in front of Junhong, I had to be strong.

“Shh, don’t cry Jongup, it’s okay.” Himchan tried to comfort me. I shook my head softly.

“It’s just difficult.” I whispered, "It's not fair."

<><><> 

I listened to Jongup crying behind the counter, it pained me to hear him like that. I cared about Jongup a lot and I never seen him like this before.

“...I can’t do anything about it, and I hate everyone who ever did anything bad to him.” My breath caught in my throat when he said that, knowing that I had been involved with Junhong, that I was part of his suffering. I watched Himchan trying to comfort Jongup, I walked to the front of the store by the windows and watched the snow falling. Guilt consumed me once again and my headache had returned.

“I should have stopped him that day.” I whispered. I turned and went to Jongup, pretending that I had just seen him crying that second. “Are you okay?” I asked softly. Jongup shook his head and stood up, he walked off angrily.

I watched him go.

Guilt. Guilt. Guilt.

I sighed, Himchan and I exchanged glances. I shook my head and went to wipe down more tables after customers had left.

Tears were in my eyes.

We were all running from something.