"Hey Dae Hyung," I smiled at my boss sweetly, it almost made me puke. Daehyun was rearranging the various cakes that were set up behind the glass case. He glanced at me once and sighed, shaking his head.

 

"What do you want." Daehyun rolled his eyes. I just noticed now how blood shot his eyes looked. I followed him around, behind the front counter and he continued doing his work. 

 

"Haven't you slept?" I asked, now that I thought about it I didn't see Daehyun anywhere this morning. He must have went to sleep late and slept in, that would explain a lot.

 

"I didn't get much sleep last night." Daehyun admitted and ran his fingers through his messy hair, he stopped touching the food after that and went to wash his hands off.

 

"Why not? It's not like you have anything to worry about hyung." I thought about all the possible things he could be stressed about, and I came up with nothing. He just shrugged and stared off to the other side of the shop where a few customers were drinking their coffee. He dried his hands off with a paper towel and I laughed at his dazed expression, "Hyung stop staring, you'll scare the customers!" I whispered. He glared at me, then shooed me away.

 

"Go clean tables or something!" He waved his hands at me violently and pushed me away from him. I looked out at all the tables, they were all filled. I tilted my head and figured that Daehyun must have been distracted, it was odd.

 

"Wait Dae! I have to ask you a serious question!" I held onto Daehyun's wrist as he still tried to get rid of me. He looked over to me after he stopped resisting with a questioning gaze, he crossed his arms and waited for me to say something. I gulped loudly, clearly nervous."Well...uh-" I started to fidget. "Maybe now isn't the best time to ask..." I rubbed my neck nervously. He groaned, but didn't let up, I knew he would force me to ask my question now. He seemed impatient and so I took a deep breath. 

 

 

 

"Dae, come on please? It won't be for that long." I latched onto his shirt as he ignored my begging.

 

“Why?” Daehyun maneuvered around the back counter and picked up a piece of cheesecake, he ate it with frustration. “You know we don’t have much room as it is!” I rolled my eyes at his reason and told him that he would only have to share his room with one other person.

 

“I only have one bed.” He muttered and settled his tired eyes on the piece of food in front of him.

 

“They can sleep on the floor.” I suggested quickly. Daehyun glared at me and stuffed his face once again. I quickly stopped him from eating anymore, he had a habit of over eating when he was stressed out. Daehyun told me he once ate two whole cakes when he used to work in the shop by himself, and that was only on his lunch break.

 

“Please? My friend really needs help.” I frowned at Daehyun. He sighed and crossed his arms once again and I could tell that I was getting through to him. In all honesty, Daehyun was a really good person with a soft heart even if he didn't seem like it. 

 

"You know the rules, if they stay here then they'll have to work here." He reminded me and I nodded.

 

“They'll understand.” I said quickly, Daehyun still looked unsure. 

 

“I’ll work extra shifts.” I offered, even though I was halfway lying. Daehyun smirked and finally agreed.

 

“Okay.”

 

<><><>

 

 

“Is Yongguk hyung okay?” Youngjae whispered to Himchan who was eating a piece of cake. Himchan glanced over at Yongguk who was lying face down on the couch.“Is he breathing?” Youngjae whispered again and Himchan just shrugged. He was still a little angry at Yongguk for choking him and acting like a jerk. In all honesty, Yongguk always had a tendecy to act out, but he would always be able to control himself. Now, he was just getting out of hand. Himchan watched as Yongguk slept on the couch, no matter what he did he always found a way to make himself look pitiful. He even looked that way when he was sleeping.

 

“Hyung, what are we gonna do?” Youngjae whispered, Himchan held back a sigh. Youngjae always chose the wrong times to talk about things. Eating dinner at 1 in the morning was hardly a proper time or place to talk about important matters.

 

“I found a place to stay in Seoul, for free.” Himchan smiled warmly, he figured it was better to tell Youngjae now than wait until later. Youngjae looked shocked and slightly confused, “at a friend's place." Himchan decided to explain the situation so Youngjae wouldn't think about all the things that could go wrong with staying at a stranger's house.

 

“It sounds weird to me, but whatever you say.” Youngjae was no doubt suspicious about the whole situation but he had no other options than to just go along with what Himchan suggested. "I don't really have a choice anyways." Himchan nodded at that and thought about the good things that could come from the situation. Not only would they not have to worry about paying for a place, but they would have enough time to get back on their feet as well. Over on the other side of the table, Youngjae dug into his rice with a inquisitive look on his face.

 

“How are we gonna tell Yongguk that we don’t have enough money to get an apartment?” Youngjae suddenly asked and HImchan shrugged, he didn't really know the answer to that question either. Yongguk suddenly stirred awake on the couch and sighed heavily, both Youngjae and Himchan watched intently. He his back and stayed there for a bit.

 

“I need answers.” He said aloud, Youngjae and Himchan exchanged glances. They were both thinking the same thing, that they were screwed because Yongguk had heard everything. Himchan cleared his throat and questioned Yongguk about what he was talking about. “I need to know why he left.” 

 

“Who?" Himchan and Youngjae asked at the same time, they both let out a breath they had been holding. They were secretly relieved that he didn't hear their conversation, "It’s not about that guy again is it?” Youngjae whined, Himchan immediately gave him a warning look.

 

“I need to know. I have to find him.” Yongguk’s voice was becoming almost desperate, Himchan stood up and moved closer to the couch Yongguk was on. “We're going back to Seoul, where he said he used to live.” Yongguk said firmly. His voice held no room for argument, but Himchan didn’t care.

 

“Have you gone mad? You can’t find someone who doesn’t want to be found. You said he left you, why would you want to go after someone like that?” Himchan sat next to Yongguk with a bewildered expression. Yongguk turned towards the sound of his voice and stared at Himchan with blank eyes and Himchan felt uneasy.

 

“I love him.”

 

“How can you love him?” Himchan asked calmly, he set a comforting hand on Yongguk's shoulder he didn't want to anger Yongguk. At times like this Himchan truly acted like their mother. Since they were all practically brothers, they needed a mother figure. 

 

“I love him.” Yongguk repeated strongly. “I haven’t seen him dance..." He trailed off in remorse and lowered his head, "I couldn't witness him when he was tired and I've never seen his face when he was embarrassed." He suddenly looked up in determination, "But I listened to the way his voice became excited when he told stories, I've heard the way he rapped." Yongguk smiled fondly.

 

 

“Yongguk...” Himchan whispered and held his hand tightly. Yongguk nodded his head slightly, like he was about to make a decision. 

 

“We're leaving back to Seoul.” He declared, Himchan glanced at Youngjae. Youngjae nodded his head in response, this whole ordeal would work in favor of their situation after all.

 

“Yongguk, If we really are leaving to Seoul, I know a friend that we can stay with.” Himchan said discreetly and Youngjae patted his back.  

 

“Are you agreeing to help me?” Yongguk asked hopefully.

 

“Yeah.” Himchan spoke hesitantly and Yongguk smiled softly.

 

<><><>

 

 

I sat on Jongup’s bed wrapped in his bed sheets, playing with the thin layer of bandages wrapped around my arms. Both Daehyun and Jongup were downstairs working in the shop. Daehyun told me I could rest for a couple of days so that's what I planned on doing, although this incident made me feel like a terrible inconvenience. Jongup was continuously checking up on me, but I think he just wanted to get out of the work he had to do in the shop.

 

Lately I’ve been having increasingly worse nightmares, usually having to do with my past. Luckily Jongup is here to comfort me whenever it gets too bad, I usually end up crying until I fall asleep again. One night I was up late because of a bad dream and I heard Daehyun pacing in the room downstairs. It was odd because hyung always seemed like the kind of person who had no problems or worries, but he was up at 3 am pacing the floors and probably stressing over something. I shrugged it off, thinking that we all had our own issues.

 

 I thought about it for a little while, that is, until he started to talk to himself. That's when I became curious.

 

“I know who he is. I know. Oh god.” He repeated, so I stood up from my bed and made my way downstairs. His voice was traveling quite far and I wondered if he knew he was talking so loudly. I asked Daehyun why he was up so late and he jumped in the air, I must have scared him.

 

“Hyung, did you also have a bad dream?” I asked him and Daehyun nodded. So we both sat down to drink some milk and eat left over cheesecake that was in the store’s fridge. Daehyun ate most of it. I asked him what his dream was about and he told me it was nothing so I didn’t ask anymore. Daehyun didn’t ask me about my nightmare so I didn’t tell him. 

 

 

“Junhong?” Jongup peeked his head into the room, I looked up at him. His hair was messy and he was grinning sheepishly, I smiled. "Do you need anything?" He asked, walking into the room and closing the door behind him. I shook my head and sat up, unwrapping myself from the bed sheets.“I have something to tell you, and you might not be too happy about it.” Jongup said after a moment and nervously sat down next to me.

 

“What is it?” I asked, Jongup smiled reassuringly.

 

“There are gonna be some guests here soon, they'll be staying here for a while." He stopped to gauge my reaction but I didn't react at all, I was a bit fearful but I pushed it away quickly. "They’re gonna be sharing the room with us. Is that okay?” He asked me. I thought for a moment, I was lucky to even have a temporary home here now, I was in no position to complain. I nodded my head. “You don’t have to talk to them, I know how you are around new people.” Jongup tousled my hair affectionately.

 

“It’s okay, but who are they?” I pulled the blankets around my body for some false sense of protection. It panicked me a little, knowing there were going to people I didn't know forcing themselves into a place where I felt safe.

 

“A couple of my friends.” Jongup explained to me in that tone of his, the one where he didn't want to scare me off. I had to admit, hearing that he made new friends without me made me kind of sad. I knew that it was my fault that we didn't stay in touch that often, but I couldn't help it. When it came down to it, I didn't want to feel like I was losing my best friend to someone else, like I was being replaced. I wanted to keep my safe place to myself, I didn't want it to be taken away from me.

 

“Oh, at least they aren’t complete strangers right?” I asked, trying to look on the bright side. Jongup laughed nervously, and I knew immediately that something was up. “Wait, Jongup- it’s that guy you met online isn’t it?” I pointed an accusing finger at him. He gasped and put his hand over my mouth quickly, I wanted to laugh, it seemed like something he would do.

 

“How’d you know? And don’t tell Daehyun, okay?” I nodded while he removed his hand from my face.

 

 

“Good, now get some rest. I have to work to do, unfortunately.” Jongup sighed and trudged to the door, I laughed at him mockingly. “Once your better I’m gonna make you do all the work!” Jongup smirked at me and I rolled my eyes.

 

“Then I’m never getting better!” I stuck my tongue out at him and he laughed and then left me alone again. My smile instantly faded and I wondered when I became like this. Did Jongup notice how my smile didn’t reach my eyes anymore? For some reason, it was harder to tell Jongup about what was going on in my head. Usually I would tell him whenever the slightest thing bothered me. But now, everything felt different, I didn't want to tell Jongup about my thoughts and feelings, instead I wanted to tell Yongguk.

 

The only happiness I can have now is temporary, I was happier when I was with Yongguk.

I miss Yongguk. I miss Bokshil too.

I wondered if I made Yongguk feel the same way I was feeling now. Was he angry at me? I was sure he was.

 

"You're disappointed in me aren't you." I whispered to myself.

 

The guilt was getting to me again. I was a terrible person.

 

I sighed heavily and stared up at the ceiling.

 

I couldn’t deny that I thought about him everyday. 

 

And I couldn’t stop from asking myself this.

 

"What are you doing now?"