The snow fell to the ground silently.

Delicate artwork, created to fall to their death. Beautiful in their descent, hideous in their demise.

There wasn't any other way.

I sat beneath the falling snow, overlooking the sad people of the evening, observing those with dark circles painted beneath their lifeless eyes. I wasn't sure if I looked that way as well. I tugged a thick red scarf more tightly around my face and closed my eyes, letting the cold snowflakes meet with warm skin. I was alone outside, sitting on an old bench in front of the shop. I had been sitting there for what seemed like hours, I was freezing but enjoyed the numb feeling that paired with it. "You're going to freeze out here," came a familiar voice, but it was not the one that I was hoping to hear. I smiled anyways and scooted over, inviting my friend to sit on the bench with me. Jongup hurried over with a cup of hot chocolate in his hands, carefully, he handed the cup over to me.

“Hey, Daehyun and I were wondering if you wanted to go with us to take a trip to the store.” Jongup sipped at his hot chocolate and waited for my answer while I watched him curiously. “He needs our help to go pick up some supplies for the shop. Apparently the stuff he ordered was completely wrong and now he has to travel to go get it himself.” Jongup laughed a little at our misfortune and I smiled, laughing with him.

“Supplies?” I asked and sipped at my hot chocolate as well, feeling the warmth invade my chest.

“Yeah, pretty much just a lot of sugar and coffee beans, “ Jongup made an annoyed face, “But it’s hard to carry those bags around and it would be really boring with just us.” Jongup nudged me excitedly, “So will you come along? It’s gonna be really boring without you.”

I pretended to be inconvenienced by him and sighed heavily, “Well I guess I could check my schedule…” I looked away as I heard Jongup laugh loudly from beside me. “Fine, I’ll go, but I’m not gonna carry any of those bags.”

“Deal!” Jongup patted my back once and then told me that we’d be leaving soon so I stood up and followed him into the coffee shop. Right in front of me was Yongguk putting on his jacket and talking with Himchan, they were both holding a small travel bag. I quietly headed over to Jongup and pulled him aside.

“You didn’t say the rest of them were going.” I quietly pointed out and Jongup smiled at me apologetically.

“Well you didn’t ask, and I didn’t want you to stay here all by yourself. The shop will be closed tomorrow morning and I thought you’d be lonely without us.” Jongup explained himself and I nodded, looking away from him. He was right, if I was alone- who knows what would happen. “Anyways, I promise you’ll be fine. Since all of us are going, I’ll be able to get to know Yongguk better.” Jongup nudged my arm and I glared at him while he just laughed.

“You mean were staying overnight then?” I asked and Jongup shrugged and nodded.

“Most likely, since were leaving pretty late. But I don’t really know, it’s up to Daehyun I guess.” Jongup then left me to go gather some of his things. I trudged upstairs after him, not being happy about being dragged into this whole trip. Jongup decided that we’d share a bag and he threw in our toothbrushes and some other essentials, while I picked out an outfit, making sure to pack some of my heavier clothing. Jongup made sure he got everything before we headed downstairs again. I double checked our bag to reassure myself that I had everything I needed: beanies, scarves and hoodies so I’d be covered thoroughly. We were all gathered downstairs in the shop as Daehyun called us over to help him finish some last minute tasks before closing the shop for the night. He scolded Youngjae when he wasn’t cleaning the counter correctly, but I noticed that his voice held a teasing tone. I tried to hide my smile, wondering when they had gotten so close.

“Okay guys, let’s decide who will be riding in the company van.” Daehyun said once we were finished. The lights were all off and we were gathered in the dark of the shop, the dark lighting from outside illuminating our faces. “Since my car doesn’t have a heating system anymore, anyone who doesn’t mind the cold can come with me.” Daehyun spoke and everyone looked at each other, not wanting to be stuck in a car with no heating “Come on guys, some of you will have to ride in my car on the way back anyways, since the back of the company van will be filled up.” Daehyun whined and Youngjae seemed to have sympathy for his newly acquired friend because he quickly volunteered for the spot.

Once that was arranged, all of us shuffled outside into the snow. I wondered for a moment why we didn’t just take Himchan’s car but when I seen that the back of their car was filled up with boxes I understood. We turned the corner and walked to the back of the coffee shop, Daehyun’s car and the company van were both parked in the snow. Himchan, Yongguk, Jongup and I all quickly opened the company van, wanting to escape the cold quickly. Jongup tossed our bag into the back and Yongguk did the same with his bag. Himchan climbed into the driver’s seat and Jongup cast me a quick wink while he climbed in the passenger’s seat next to Himchan. I was about to open my mouth to protest when I noticed that Yongguk had already climbed in the car before me. Everyone was waiting on me, so I quickly got in the van and sat next to Yongguk, sliding the door shut. Now there was only a seat between me and him and my face was burning in embarrassment.

“Oh, it’s cold. I feel sorry for Youngjae and Daehyun.” Himchan said as he started up the van and turned up the heat. Since Himchan was older I guess Daehyun thought it would be better that he drove. Not only because of that but Yongguk couldn’t drive because he just recently got his vision back.

“Yeah, we’re going to have to ride in Daehyun’s car tomorrow morning on the way back. I’m not looking forward to that.” Jongup spoke back despairingly, Himchan just laughed at his misery and started to drive, following Daehyun’s car.

“Yeah, I hope you don’t freeze. I’ll just be driving in this warm car tomorrow, so don’t worry about me.” Himchan teased and Jongup lightly punched Himchan’s shoulder. “Hey don’t make me crash.” They both laughed together. I wanted to cringe at their flirtatious display, I knew that Yongguk was feeling awkward too because he just turned to look outside the window, watching the snow paint the road beneath us. The darkened sky seemed to take great pleasure in watching this uncomfortable situation. I shoved my hands into my coat pockets and put my hood up, planning to sleep the whole trip.

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I stole a few glances at Junhong now and then, watching his head loll back and forth. He appeared to be sleeping and I wanted to go and sit next to him so he could lean his head on my shoulder. I listened to Himchan and Jongup talking the whole way, we had been traveling for only a couple of hours. Junhong didn’t seem to mind their voices, instead he just immediately fell asleep once we got in the car, I wonder if he had been sleeping enough. Suddenly out of nowhere, the van slid a bit on the road and the car jolted. I placed my arm across Junhong’s chest so he wouldn’t be disturbed. Himchan made a startled noise when the car slid and Jongup laughed a little nervously as Himchan regained control. I told Himchan to drive more carefully and he glanced at me in the mirror and nodded. Junhong suddenly shuddered, jerking my arm away from him. I stared at him surprised as he started to kick around in his seat, gripping onto his seatbelt and trying to wrench it away from his body. Jongup turned around quickly, reacting to the kicking at the back of his seat. His eyes widened when he noticed Junhong start to scratch at himself.

“Junhong, are you okay?” I pressed my hand against his face, Junhong violently pushed my hand away.

“No, don’t touch him.” Jongup warned and then he turned back to Himchan and told him to pull over. I watched worriedly as tears started to leak out from Junhong’s closed eyes. Himchan obeyed Jongup’s command and he pulled over on the side of the road. Jongup got out of his seat and opened the door, the snow falling over his hair and eyes. Himchan turned to watch, and I noticed that he seemed worried as well. Jongup opened the sliding door and quickly unbuckled Junhong, he lifted him out of the car and placed him on the ground into the snow despite all of the violent strikes to his body that Junhong gave him. I was about to protest, but I noticed Junhong had woken up, responding to the shock of the cold atmosphere. He was scared and out of it, but he clinged onto Jongup like his life depended on it. He started to shake intensely, but Jongup seemed to know what he was doing. He held Junhong’s arms down, and talked to him calmly and reassuringly. I watched sadly, thinking Junhong must have had a bad dream. Then, I remembered that Zelo also had something like this happen to him. I also remembered something Himchan had once mentioned:

"You remember that one guy that I met online? His friend went to the hospital. The poor kid had a nightmare or something and hurt himself." Himchan pouted a little and Youngjae nodded his head in sympathy.

"Who cares? I have a headache Himchan. If you would kindly shut up so I can eat my breakfast in peace that would be great." I spat out. Who wants to hear about some stupid kid who has issues. I'm already in a bad mood.

I suddenly realized that they were talking about Junhong back then and I didn’t even care. Guilt started to creep up on me and I watched as Jongup muttered to Junhong the same thing over and over again. I looked away, unable to watch the scene before me, Himchan glanced back at me and I gave him a worried look. Jongup and Junhong sat there for a few more minutes before Daehyun and Youngjae realized that we had stopped following them. Their car turned around, and they parked behind us- getting out of the car and Youngjae ran over, reaching the scene first.

“What happened?” He asked, his face concerned. When Jongup didn’t answer, Himchan got out of the car to explain to him the details. Daehyun seemed to understand already because he went to kneel down beside the calming Junhong and rubbed his back soothingly. I wanted so desperately to go hug Junhong and comfort him, but what right did I have? Jongup was with him, Daehyun seemed to understand and I had no place in Junhong’s life. Back when this sort of thing happened with Zelo, I was panicking just as much as he was - so how was I supposed to help Junhong with his own nightmares? Jongup was enough for him, I decided. Jongup would protect him.

After everyone seemed to calm down, Youngjae went back to wait in the car for Daehyun. Jongup suggested that I sit in the passenger seat next to Himchan so he could sit in the back with Junhong. He didn’t want all three of us sitting together because he wanted to give Junhong space. I agreed and watched silently as Jongup helped Junhong back into the van, he took off his own coat and wrapped it around Junhong’s shaking body. I looked away again, for some reason unable to remove the jealous, sad feeling inside my body. Maybe one day I would be able to help Zelo through his problems, acting as calmly, and as quickly as Jongup did for Junhong’s nightmares. I hated thinking about it, because Zelo could possibly be suffering right now and I wouldn’t even know.

Junhong kept his head down the entire time, even when I turned to check if he was okay, he didn’t make a noise. I couldn’t tell if he was shocked, tired or just embarrassed so I just let Jongup handle it as the trip continued. The silence in the car was heavy, and the only thing that filled the silence was Jongup and Himchan’s small talk.

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When we finally arrived at the place we were staying at, Jongup and I sat in the car with Junhong as Himchan, Daehyun and Youngjae talked with the owner about renting a room for the night. The town we had traveled to was sparsely populated and the only place they had to stay in was a traditional korean style room. Daehyun, Jongup and Himchan came back to the van to talk it over with us, they rented one room for the night, big enough for all six of us. We grabbed our belongings and Jongup walked ahead of us with Junhong, making sure he made it into the warm house quickly. The snow was piled heavily around us and it was freezing outside. Luckily, it was warm inside the room we rented so we were all happy about that. I noticed Youngjae talking to Junhong as we settled in, he seemed to be reassuring him that it was okay to have nightmares and he shouldn’t be embarrassed. Now that I think about it, Youngjae used to have nightmares all the time as well. Not nearly as bad as Junhong and Zelo’s, but it’s still difficult for him to think about. Junhong seemed to relax after that and I realized that both of them got along well. I settled in, we were all pretty tired from the trip so we quickly got dressed for bed. We spread out the blankets that were provided for us, appreciating the floors that were heated. The sleeping arrangements were pretty much the same, Daehyun was next to Youngjae, then Himchan, Jongup, Junhong and Me. The only talking that happened so far was Daehyun and Youngjae talking about the newest album that was released by their favorite singer. The lights were turned off and there was only a faint glow from the lamp in the corner. It was quiet in the room and we all listened to each other breathing. Daehyun and Youngjae were sitting up as they continued to talk quietly when suddenly Daehyun asked a question that got all of us talking.

“I don’t know if this is too personal, but I just wanted to know why you guys needed to stay with us?” Daehyun looked to the rest of us and when he seen the look on Youngjae’s face he quickly corrected himself, “I mean, its nice having you guys stay, but I just wanted to know why.” He looked down. I looked over to Himchan as he sat up and that made me sit up as well. A little after we arrived here Himchan finally came clean about the miscalculations with the money we owed and we agreed to formulate a believable story just in case.

“Well, Yongguk suddenly lost his eyesight, as you already know. The bills were really high and we ended up losing our apartment. So, we didn’t have a place to stay so we turned to Jongup and you.” Himchan relayed this story just as we had rehearsed. Together, we practiced this, so we’d get our story right every time.

“Oh, I see. I don’t usually ask many questions but I was just curious.” He smiled at us and I nodded my head in understanding. Jongup looked over at Himchan, probably wondering if what we were saying was the truth. There was no way we could tell the truth, if we did Daehyun would never let us stay in his coffee shop.

Jongup sat up and sighed heavily, “Is there anything to eat? I’m hungry.” Himchan smiled at what Jongup said and he told him he had some cookies in his bag. He got up and went to go get the bag of cookies so he could share with all of us.

“I’m not so tired anymore.” Youngjae said and he pulled his legs up to his chest as Daehyun and Himchan agreed with him. I glanced down at Junhong, his eyelids were shut but I knew that he wasn’t sleeping. Jongup shushed all of us and told us to keep it down so Junhong could rest. I spread out my blanket over Junhong so he could be warm while Youngjae suddenly started talking again.

“So what about you Daehyun, what’s your story? You run a coffee shop which is amazing, and you’re the same age as me. How did you manage that?” Youngjae looked over to Daehyun, and Jongup also looked intrigued, it seemed like he never told anyone his story before.

“Well,” Daehyun smiled fondly, “I had a good friend he was a lot older than me- he treated me really well. I actually thought of him as a father. Anyways, he hired me to work at the shop and I agreed. As time went on, he got weaker and weaker. Then one day when I went to go wake him up in the morning for work I realized that he wasn’t breathing. He passed away in his sleep and later I found a letter that he wrote to me, pleading me to keep his shop running. So I did.” Daehyun ended his story and Youngjae had a sullen look on his face.

“But, that’s not your dream is it?” Himchan asked warily, and Daehyun shook his head sadly. I listened to them all talk, keeping quiet with Jongup and Junhong.

“Then, what is your dream?” Youngjae asked carefully.

Daehyun grinned suddenly, “My dream is to...be a singer. I just want to be able to sing.” Youngjae patted Daehyun’s shoulder in reassurance. “What about you guys. Any dreams you’re chasing?” Daehyun asked us. Himchan looked over to me, we were thinking the same thing. We were too busy running that we didn’t have time to start chasing. Since when did we ever have time to think about dreams? Both Himchan and I were still silent, but Youngjae spoke up quickly.

“I want to have a house of our own. One where I can have my own room and I can plant flowers in the garden. I want a table where we can all eat dinner as a family, I want…” Himchan silenced Youngjae with a firm hand on his shoulder. Youngjae’s excited look was immediately stopped and he hung his head.

“That’s a nice dream Youngjae…” Daehyun whispered and Youngjae beamed up at him. Jongup watched our whole exchange curiously and Junhong just continued to listen. We went on talking for a couple more hours when we decided to call it a night. “Tomorrow we’ll pick up the supplies and head home, so everyone has to wake up early.” We all agreed and settled down, saying our goodnights to one another, as everyone drifted off to sleep one by one, I closed my eyes and focused on the slow breathing of Junhong next to me. When suddenly I heard Daehyun’s whisper on the other side of the room,

“I hope your dream comes true Youngjae.”

My chest constricted, and I agreed with what Daehyun said. I was remorseful though, because I could not give my little brother what he wanted. Instead, what should have been something normal became something of a dream to him. He did not have any real dreams, he only wanted to live normally. But neither Himchan or I could give that to him.

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