･゜ﾟ*･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･* 

AFF username: kamiru_kpoplover19

Story Title: I'm just a High School Junior and I'm...Married?!

Story URL: I'm just a High School Junior and I'm... Married?!

Genre: Romance, School life

No. of Chapters: 11

Main Characters: Woohyun, Yuri(OC), Myungsoo, INFINITE

Rated?(yes/no): No

Here you go!

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♪Opening

●Title- 3/5

It’s really captivating I have to admit. Anyone into this type of storyline would immediately click on this story. It also reveals the contents of the story too which I usually prefer. But it unnecessarily reveals a sense of ordinariness of the plot. It’s very common to have titles with exclamation attached to it, and in this case it didn’t help at all because the plot idea itself is so regularly utilized. Nowadays there are just so many stories that have the same design it’s not something that particular stands out in my opinion. But you’ve got all the basics of what a title needs, so that’s okay~ :)

●Poster/Background: 3/5

I’m not sure… if the poster and the background go well with each other. It’s true that both contain a flowery aura, and the flora and fauna atmosphere emphasised the mood here. In my opinion the poster has got the elements and it stands perfectly. The poster is a little smaller than normal sizes but that doesn’t really matter. You’ve got the catchphrases etc, and the colour blending is to a decent standard.

The problem I guess lies within the background, I really don’t see any resemblance from the poster that is displayed in the background. The cartoon is irrelevant, and I don’t quite like the way it shows the structure of a tiled background… Go for something softer I’d say, something that has blended colours like the poster would be daebak~^^ 

●Description+Foreword- 8.8/10

Personally, I think it’s got what I’m looking for!! ^_^ Everything is pretty perfect for me – the descriptions for both characters and plot. The way you phrased the plot teasers was really intriguing and only leaves one wanting more of it! It’s definitely interesting enough to keep readers going for sure without at once releasing too much unneeded information. As for the character descriptions, I think it’s great how you only revealed 3-4 lines on each character – not revealing too much or else it’d cause information overload. But in my opinion, the amount of characters included in the foreword was a bit too much for me. It’s very difficult to take care of that number of characters throughout the fanfic, and you’ve only started it barely. Attention can just be given to the main 2/3 characters along with a few side/minor characters. The families, I wouldn’t say it’s necessary for inclusion. But it’s your choice at the end of the day, I wouldn’t say it does any major harm, except maybe confusing the readers with too much individualities?

>>Total: 14.8/20<<

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♪Contents

●Creativity/Originality: 5/10

Now I wouldn’t say this is the section which impressed me the most in this fic, in fact I don’t find the idea creative at all. It’s norm at the least. I don’t really like the idea of having arranged marriages and high school clichés all into one story since they are plots that are used by most of the people here. All into one just further emphasize the author’s limited imagination on story plots. But other than that, this story gives me a familiar setting of the dramas ‘Full House’ and ‘Nobuta wo Produce’ together- with the arranged marriage and make-over of the main girl. Nothing too surprising over-all I’m afraid to say. T_T

●Plot- 16.8/20

As you know it’s quite difficult to get a high mark in the plot section if you have a regular story line to begin with, but that doesn’t necessarily mean that your fanfic is horrible. In this case, yes I do capture a lot of similarities, but they are not exactly harmful as I thought they’d be.

Your fanfic is very attractive indeed, which proves the gigantic amount of subscribers you’ve archived in this early stage of your story. Of course, characters inclusion is one of the reasons why this gain so much subs, but another thing about the fanfic is that the setting is very broad, and it’s viewed in a related light as a real drama. The scenarios described, although not very descriptive and full of colours, but the actions of the characters make them more realistic (I’d enhance this more in Characterization). Especially in chapter 10, where the two main connected on the bridge, it was a very powerful moment~ ^^Despite all that being said, it's definitely going in the right way~ ^^

●Chapter Titles: 4/5

Most of the chapters are perfect to a T, and they do sound generally relative to the contents included in each particular chapter. One of the best chapter titles just have to be: Chapter 6- An INFINITE Amount of Trouble – this was totally ‘lol-worthy~' XDXD the reason why a mark is docked off here is the length. Some of them are quite unusually long for a chapter title, like: ‘Chapter 7- Another Strike by the Densest Pabo in the Universe’ and ‘Chapter 9- Wondering Who's The Bigger Idiot between Us...’ – they are too long I personally think, keep it light and simple, and yet humorous!! :D:D

●Flow: 7.8/10:

The general flow of this fic is pretty impressive to be honest. IT’s not too slow, or too fast in any aspect. Just pefect as it is along with developments here and there. The scenes are inserted in great timing to enhance the plot or the characters, which I’m quite blown away by~ ^^

I don’t mind having those character thoughts every now and then, but during an epic moment like in chp5- where she’s getting d at by some random high schoolers having her thoughts in the way only slowed down the speed, and most importantly the tension was hindered. Try cutting down some of the thoughts into actual sentences, and just calm the amount of them down in general. More descriptions should take place in order to make the story more lively and imaginable.

>>Total: 33.6/45<<

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♪Expression

●Characterization- 11.8/15:

I see most of the attention is really just given to the two mains here- Woohyun & Yuri. I have absolutely no problems in that, if the writers are able to continue the story with excitements and the absence of minor characters’ presences. In this case I think you did a great job bringing out the two mains, but the others, not too sure about it… considering you have quite an amount of characters introduced in the first place.

1) Woohyun: fun, light-hearted, and mischievous as always. A very typical main male lead I must say. But I like how you put accent onto his carelessness of reality. “His voice light and teasing” (chp3) & “breaking into a huge grin and lighting up”- the word ‘light’ is over-used for Woohyun’s personality, but not really in a bad light.

He proved to be also intimidating: “Nam Woohyun said, wearing a scary expression while the timid student immediately gathered his books and transferred to the second row where Woohyung's seat was.”(chp7) – a common gangster motion- getting everyone to listen to him in fear and anxiety etc. His role as a gangster though was never really brought out in the story… and hopefully it’d come out soon, since he’s supposed to be one hell of an awesome fighter here.

2) Yuri - lol at Woohyun’s description of her in chp4- She’s old fashioned from head to toe! But again, the very same female leads we get from lots of other stories- nerdy, kind, annoying, and yet incredibly hot and pretty on the inside. She sometimes is just as hyper as Woohyun, but more on the irritated note.

One thing I’ve noticed is the change in their relationships: Yuri was not afraid to show-case her hatred towards her so-called ‘husband’ at the start: “I closed my eyes completely and put my arms in front of my chest as I let sleep take over my senses, lulling me into a wonderful dreamland without nam woohyun.”(chp4) But as well as that, developments were spread out evenly! I can totally notice Woohyun’s change of opinions and attitude towards yuri- it’s slow but steadily, especially in chp7- how he noticed differences in Yuri, and also (maybe) started to appreciate her even more than before: “She shouldn't cry over that idiot anyway... and if she did, I might've gotten even more irritated with that girly-faced pabo...I'm already itching to punch him on the face”(chp9)

3)Myungsoo: although he’s the side character here, not as much emphasises were placed on him as much as I’d love it him to have. But man he’s gotta be the most oblivious and yet hottest dork on earth! How could he not realize woohyun’s acting and everything in chapter 9?! But that’s a great portrait of his personality though, just how he’s dumb all over Yuri’s sentiments. I’d like him to play more of an important role here, to further aid the interactions between the 2 mains!

4) INFINITE- a bunch of abnormal trouble-makers as pictured in every other fanfics- No member stood out in outstanding light to me, but maybe that’s going to change with Hoya taking the lead in the latest chapter? But in other words, they’re not as essential as I thought they’d be…

Other minors I don’t bother taking a note of since they come in and out every once in a while like Chaerin and Yuri & Myungsoo’s parents etc.

●Writing Style- 7/10

Your writing style is overall enjoyable, but not really as amazing as some of the really talented ones out there. You’re working to strike forward, since I notice several improvements in your style of writing in the later chapters.

1) Repetition of Words: indignance- which I don’t think it’s a word to be honest, it can be easily replaced with disgrace, shame, ignominy etc. Irritated/irritation is also a word often seen in the story, which can be replaced then with annoyance, exasperation etc.

2) Sentence Phrasing: “He said, nodding gently, his expression laced with determination.” (chp4)- I really really like how that was delivered through~ :D:D

I can’t really comment on anything else since there really isn’t much that shines or disgraces as a feature or anything ~

●Mechanics: 8.5/10

Mechanics here isn’t a problem I don’t think, although minor mistakes was spotted but they are nothing major or big~

*Mistakes:

>”I screamed out loud one October afternoon at hearing my parents’ “big news”.”(chp1)- the sentence itself doesn’t sound quite right to me, try: “I screamed out loud one October afternoon after hearing …”;

>”It’s my life he’s ruining and he even has to hit me.”(chp1)-  I don’t think the ‘has to’ was necessary?;

>”It’s ironic how one of my classmates and friends whom I’ve really thought of that way before has confessed to me”(chp1)- should have ‘never’ in be-tween;

>"I think that’s a pretty good sign you're desperate."(chp3)- should have 'showing' in-between;

>"my expression probably expression my indignanace and irritation."(chp3)- should be 'expressed';

>"I could smell her scent, which reminded me of autumn for some reason and feel her warm breath against my neck."(chp10)- sounds wrong.. Try separating the sentence into two from the word 'and' and after;

*Spelling mistakes:

>for the word 'andwee'- I believe it's spelled 'andwae' lol~XD

*Tenses:  

>"they even fight worse than Woohyun's two younger twin brothers who were only 8 years old"(chp7)- should be 'are', since the sentence was her thoughts.

>>Total: 27.3/35<<

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●Bonus- 3.8/5

It was fun and yet I can sense many more drama has yet to come! I can’t wait for myungsoo to just step it up~XDXD *sings Kara’s Step!*

>>>TOTAL: 80%<<<

(out of 100 marks)

B