*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*
 

AFF username: SHINeepants

Story Title: Taemin the Latte Boy

Story URL: Taemin the Latte Boy

 Genre: Romance

Current Length (No. of Chapters): one-shot

Main Characters: Taemin/OC

Rated?(yes/no): Nope

Here you go!

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♪Opening    

●Title-3/5

Mmm… your title is quite refreshing- using the word Latte as the main point here, but unfortunately, it sort of limits your story to a particular set of audiences- readers that enjoy drinking coffee. I don’t think a reader who has no specific interest in coffee would be tempted to read this story, therefore it decreases your story’s chances of getting more views. But since your story IS based on coffee (latte~:D), the title in general relates to the story, and I guess since lots of us here are ers for stories about Taemin, you might attract some Taemin-basied readers too.^^ (I love coffee and Taemin, and latte is my favourite btw.XD)

●Poster+Background---

There’s no poster/background picture indicated here, I guess you didn’t bother to make one/ request for one since this story is a one-shot ne? I totally understand your point of view, but adding a picture (Random ones that emphazise the main character(s) would be fine), or simply a pretty, soothing background would have been a help in gaining readers!^^ It just makes the Fanfic appears prettier~:D Anyway, the marks won’t be counted in.^^

●Description+Foreword- 4/10

Quite messy and done in a rushing pace in my opinion. You left some minor mistakes in the description: “Every morning at 8:11 Min Ah visist the local coffee shop.”- A typo could be spotted here, and you should fix it asap!~:D Other than that, I also didn’t sense the gravity here that attracts readers which most stories have in their descriptions/foreword. But you did give away slight details of what’s going to happen next and who’s involved. But with no personality or background information revealed, I felt like I was in a maze in the beginning. But since your story is only a one-shot, there’s no need for too much background detail anyway. But still, a little give-away would have been nice~

>>Total: 7/15<<

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♪Contents

●Creativity/ Originality- 7/10

Not the first ‘coffee-fanfic’ I’ve came across, but sure, it’s nice to get away from the usual stories that based their background information on high school life/idol life etc. The start corresponded your idea well, since it gets straight into the topic of coffee/latte. But falling in love at first sight is quite commonly used around here, and not enough details or feelings were given when the actual meeting of the two took place, therefore I can’t really get into the characters’ minds as well as usual ~>< But I guess being a coffee-lover I am, the idea of creating a love story surrounding it is very nice. :D

●Plot- 14/20

To be honest, my excitement dropped a little when I actually got into the story. The love at first sight thing was lightly touched in the story, therefore I couldn’t really tell how sincere Min Ah’s feelings were towards Taemin. Eg) “They got a new barista? He's kind of cute... “- With this line the true power of love at first sight did not deliver sucessfully to me, therefore I question if Min Ah actually likes Taemin very very much? Or just thinks he’s cute? Later on you touched on how she blushes around him and let me get a small insight of her mind, but not really enough to be honest. >< 

And in the second half of the story, where Taemin invited her to his gig, the whole ‘coffee’ idea just evaporated… Although you did mention how Min Ah calls him ‘Latte Boy’ at the end, the story plot of the second half did not surround your original idea of the story and kind of left the topic. Maybe it’s just me, but I thought maybe you can relate the ending more to the ideal of your story? The ending looks like it was done in a rush, therefore I felt like it was disconnected from the rest of the story. But neverless, the plot was interesting to read and also refreshing, not unique but has it's special alright!

●Chapter Titles(if applied)- 4.5/5

Reflected the title, but since the story anyway was created surrounding the title, I found it relative and corresponded with the story plot, title and the description!:D But the gig thing was a little off the topic, so I took away half a mark here..>< Mianhae!><

●Flow- 6.5/10

The flow of this story did not particularly stand out to me, it seems quite messy and awkward, jumpy scenes could be found quite often. Eg) “sinking into the cushioned chair with yet another sigh. All night, I couldn't stop thinking about that adorable barista, so the next day, I decided I should meet him. In a proper, formal way of course. “ I understand she was restless thinking about Taemin after their first meeting, but what happened to her the rest of the day then? It suddenly skipped to night time and I found that quite jumpy.You could have added some minor details on how she was absent-minded all day thinking about Taemin to make the story flow a little better.

Before I said the ending was messy and disconnected itself from the rest of the story. “We broke apart, and his face hovered over mine for a few seconds. "And you're my Minnie," he whispered softly.” I was like NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! LOL I wanted more! It ended on a note abruptly, therefore it did not continue the flow. I wanted to know what it was like to kiss Taemin you know!>< But some lovely details were given in the middle to strengthen the continuity of the story. Eg) The 8:11 time.- It was creative and this idea was repetitive through the story and made it memorable! It saved you on this one so I went easy in this section! Don’t be too upset of the marks! ><

>>Total: 31.5/40<<

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♪Expression

●Characterisation -10/15

1) Min Ah- I can see she’s a hopeless romantic, (since you said so.xD) and when she met Taemin she would start blushing and act all shy. But no particular personality can be seen from her and I kind of just viewed her as an ordinary, random girl who happened to meet the hottest barista in Korea.XD Small details on her previous parts of life could be added, it doesn’t even need to be descriptive, but it would give a better insight of what kind of person she is.

2) Taemin- Cheerful, optimistic, and easy to fall in love? And he plays in a gig. At the end he seemed a little unexpected to me, but it was no harm really. I can’t pick out specific or unique traits from him either, since his character wasn’t described in great detail.

I know it’s difficult to develop or show one’s personality in a one-shot, since you only get one chapter to develop the characters. (Duh, it’s not called a one-shot for nothing LOL sorry, talking to myserlf here..xD) I understand so I didn’t take away too many marks~^^

●Writing Style- 9.5/10

Love the way everything is fully described! Great vocabs could be seen~ Eg) dissipated etc. (there’s a lot more, but I forgot to note them down, mian!><). I enjoyed it, since it flashed clear and interesting images in my mind as I was reading the story.

Also love your ways of phrasing a sentence! Eg)“I was whisked away from my fantasies when he set my drink down”; “my discontent was blatantly obvious”; “still apparently incapable of coherent speech”- Great ways of showing off your knowledge of a wide range of vocabularies could be seen too, so well done!

●Mechanics(Grammar, Spelling etc)- 8.5/10

Your grammar, tenses are perfect! I tend to always make those mistakes surround those areas while I’m writing a fanfic, therefore I’m jealous of your skills! Only minor mistakes could be found, but nothing major:

-Punctuation: “Here you are enjoy”- should be “Here you are. Enjoy.”

Other than that and the small mistake in the description, your mechanics skills are perfect, near to its extent! ^^ *giving you a round of applause*

>>Total: 28/35<<

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+Bonus- 3/5

Although you need to be aware of some certain areas, the story in general is very captivating and interesting! I wonder how the sequel will turn out… Anyway! Best wishes on that and hwaiting !!!! ^_^

☆Total: 75%☆

 B

Overall I enjoyed reading this fic, and girl, BRING ON THE SEQUEL!!! I’ll read it with pleasure. The length of the story could be slightly longer for a one-shot but I guess you fit in enough events to make it interesting! Ganbatte!!!:DD (sorry for the sudden Japanese outburst here..xD)