*･゜ﾟ･*:.｡..｡.:*･'(*ﾟ▽ﾟ*)'･*:.｡. .｡.:*･゜ﾟ･*

AFF username: Linn20

Story Title: Dancing To The Rain

Story URL: Dancing to the Rain

Genre: Angst

Current Length (No. of Chapters): Oneshot

Main Characters: Cho Kyuhyun

Rated?(yes/no): No

Here you go!

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♪Opening

●Title- 4/5

Your title really really delivers a sense of mystery ne~ Somehow from first sight I can already tell that it'd be a tear-jerking Fanfic. I love how I can identify the genre just by looking at the title. It's quite unique as well, since the title seemed tosuroound only one particular topic rather than a general principle- and that also gives off information that the Fanfic would be an one-shot~ Well done!! :D

●Poster/Background: -/5

There’s no poster/background so I won’t grade you in this category. Even though it’s only an one-shot, I strongly recommend you use some time and search for a poster/background. I just think in general every story, no matter how short it is, deserves those accompanies. :D

●Description+Foreword- 6.5/10

It definitely triggers readers’ curiosity with your description, but somehow I don’t think it’s enough. I understand that the reason behind it might be your hesitation on spilling too much information from the beginning. But it looks plain, and if I wasn’t to read the description and just by looking at it I would have lost interest already. In my opinion, all stories need packaging. A little bit more here and there wouldn’t hurt. :D And your foreword- well I don’t really anything to say about that since you can pretty much put anything in there lol~XD 

>>Total: 10.5/15<<

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♪Contents

●Creativity/Originality: 10/10

 Love, love, LOVE your idea. I didn’t exactly understand the direction you were going with the story just by reading the title. That’s why your title was so good. And the storyline… absolutely beautiful. I’m such a die-hard elf myself I nearly cried reading your story. It’s so new compared to the others- really had an one of a kind plot here. I love how you took the real tragic event from Kyuhyun’s life and rewrote it as a story. His regrets, his reminiscences- everything were written beautifully. I just can’t NOT give you full marks here.

●Plot- 18.5/20

Once again- since the theme of your story is that special- along with your stunning way of portraying the event. Everything felt real. And it really connects to its original purpose- to reminiscence. The title also reflects the story, the plot itself is brilliant. I love being able to read the characters’ mind- I love how you releate everything back to the idol’s real life. At the end, it could be a little more emotional, a little more striking. But overall the storyline is Daebak. ^^

●Chapter Titles: -/5

Not grading here obviously, but I actually laughed when I saw you inserted simply 4 dots as the chapter’s title lol..XDXD 

●Flow: 6.5/10:

To be honest…I couldn’t really see a certain pattern to the way you were describing Kyuhyun’s thoughts… everything seemed to be scrambled and lost. I would have loved if you would follow the event of the car crash, then to the hospitalization, then to the family etc etc… I see bits and pieces but I couldn’t really put them together. Especially the paragraph on what time it was and how the members had schedule except for Kyuhyun himself…you could have use that as a lead to describe members’ thoughts on the accident etc. The end was a little rushed- more details could’ve been involved, but in a divided way. Less huge paragraphs should be used without forgetting the details etc.

>>Total: 35/40<<

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♪Expression

●Characterization- 12/15:

Kyuhyun’s personality was described to a T here. It really followed his traits in real life as an idol. How he questioned his worthiness, how he regretted the biggest mistake of his life, and how thankful, grateful he was to be alive. We as readers were reading into his mind- a very detailed and well written mind thanks to you. I love you how you bring in his close family, relatives, friends and fans in to further put accent on his reminiscence.

How he was the rebellious maknae since the start- the maknae that always do what he wants. The end made this side of him stood out- he just do whatever he wants- he wanted to dance in the rain, and that’s what he did.

●Writing Style- 8.5/10

This story is certainly composed by lots of beautiful lines here and there. I enjoyed reading stories that have unique senses of writing that I can easily distinguish. Especially your continuous reapeatition of the words ‘What if’- (THE SUJU SONG!! O_O). Just WHAT would happen IF Kyuhyun didn’t… It just creates imaginary situations that keep the readers busy.

Also lines like: “I smiled softly. Water poured onto the Earth, like a curtain. A beautiful one. I always love seeing rain pour down from the sky. The soothing and calming sound of water, always managed to get me out of the monotone rutinity.” I love, LOVE the comparison here using simile. I could totally imagine it in my head- how beautiful it sounds just like music itself.

And “I stared at the beautiful yet captivating dance routine performed by the water element. They ran for the ground, freely, creating the best music that beats everything.” The personification inserted for ‘water’ here is absolutely breath-taking. How ‘water’ created an inspirational dance and a marvellous composition for Kyuhyun- it was mind-blowing you described it.

I also noticed the abnormal amount of commas and fullstops you use lol. Normally, commas and fullstops are used to increase the speed, the excitement of the story. So it’s not really suitable to use that much in this story- I understand that you were trying to emphasise your point, but still there’s no need for that much lol~XD 

●Mechanics: 7/10

Your grammar, spelling in general is okay. But make sure to read over the story after the completion to finalize it~ And it’s an one-shot, so mistakes should minimized as much as possible.

*Mistakes:

>“I remember the times. It's like old photos in my head.”(D+F)- should be ‘they’re like’;

>“But this times”- should be ‘ time’;

>“it was serious thing”- should leave out the ‘thing’;

>“he was against me when I asked his opinion about me being a singer.”- should be ‘asked for his’;

>“But when the doctor insisted to take the surgery from my throat,- should be ‘on’ instead;

*Spelling mistakes:

>“The soothing and calming sound of water, always managed to get me out of the monotone rutinity”- I don’t know what you’re trying to say but would ‘routine’ be the right word instead?

*Tenses:

>“Yes, this time I prefer milk rather than tea”- should be ‘prefered’;

>“I miss the times when my mum made me chocolate milk whenever I'm anxious, or scared.”- should be I was’ ;

>“What if I couldn't be there, seeing the light again?”- should be ‘to see’ ;

>“ It was a schedule day for everyone”- should be ‘scheduled’;

>>Total: 27.5/35<<

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●Bonus- 4.5/5

Loved reading your story. Although it’s not a usual one-shot which people can expand on. But it’s perfect as it is. 

>>>TOTAL: 86%<<<

(out of 90 marks)

A

Absolutely worth my time reading it. Written so beautifully and indeed tear-jerking~!! ^_^