Dara:

Don’t even bother checking the forums.

I’ve said this so many times to myself, but I couldn’t seem to follow it. Perhaps I’m being a masochist; I’d log in and read everything - some comments were encouraging and nice, but most were just downright rude and negative. 

The faster (and the smarter) thing to do is to ignore and pretend that the online community doesn’t exist, but well, take a look at what I’m currently doing days after I learned that the group was finalized and the official announcement could come any time now - I was reading the comments from a forum that was solely created to chronicle YG Entertainment’s upcoming girl group.

”Sources say that they have finalized the members already,” a netizen started, officially igniting a would be long discussion about the group that was set to debut anytime now. Five members. So they’re copying Big Bang to a T.”

”That’s not what I heard,” Someone disagreed after quoting the first post. ”They’re going to have six members in it.

”Six?” One poster asked right away, confused. ”I thought one of them quit?”

”That’s true, one of them quit.” Another netizen joined in at the conversation. ”Han Mina, the ‘cultured’, ‘classical singer/dancer’ chick? She went back to Paris.”

”That , then. She was supposed to be one of the main vocals, alongside Bom.”

”Hm, I could care less. Am I the only one who thinks here that they could do away with that socialite trainee in the first place? If you look at it, she’s too…IDK, boring. Too princess-y.”

”Not really a problem, she can dance as good as Minji. It just that they’d lose one really talented member. Weird, but it’s like SO-1 all over again, except I haven’t heard anything about Han Mina being too shy and stuff.”

”Maybe she’s too overconfident, kekeke.”

The conversation continued for the next two pages, until one netizen (who wasn’t included in any of the discussion) commented something that truly piqued my (and the other’s) interest.

”It’s gonna be four members. Han Mina quit, another one got kicked out.”

Ouch. I wasn’t kicked out, but clearly the commenter was describing me…even if I wasn’t exactly sure if the other forum members could follow what this one was saying just now.

Naturally, that one comment started another influx of ‘curious’ and ‘intrigued’ comments. The comment after all, looked like it came totally out of nowhere. Before the member who posted the info could reply, some forum members started worrying about their biases. 

”Whaaaaaaaaat? Oh no, I’m gonna cry if it was CL.”

”Somebody strangle YG if he really decided to ship Minji off to Japan, alone.”

”OMG is Bom going to be a solo artist afterall? OMG I’ve been waiting for it to happen but it’s kinda sad if she wouldn’t be a part of this epic group (I just know it), on the other hand.”

”What if it was that half Chinese trainee, though? Is she not gonna be included in the group because there’s still some hostility between China and Korea?”

The last comment got quoted for several times, with other netizens calling it ‘ignorant’ and ‘absurd’. I mean, it truly was. For a moment I forgot my problems and had an urge to comment as well, but then the netizen who posted the most accurate information returned, with him/her an interesting ‘scoop’ that almost made me fall off my seat.

”The one with the scandal got the boot.”

”Excuse me, but that wasn’t confirmed at all.” One netizen was quick to defend me, and I was thankful for it. However, the other made a fast and biting comeback. The reply stung me hard as I read the post that followed.

”Which one? Her not being included, the scandal, or both?”

”Both,” was my ‘defender’s’ simple reply. ”No quit being such a smarta** and stop confusing people.”

I thought that was the end of it all, for the other members started talking about the other trainees again. Ten to fifteen replies were dedicated to mostly CL and Minji, until the netizen who seemed to know a lot of YGE inside info quoted my ‘defender’s’ last reply and posted his/her response below it.

”LOL somebody got so butthurt because his/her bias got the cut. Sad. I’ve got facts, dear. Something that you obviously don’t have. And it’s not like people care if she was out, see the next replies after your butthurt comment? Yes, all of them were about the two rather promising trainees, Chaerin and Minji.”

Not one to be defeated, my ‘defender’ posted his/her reply immediately. ”Oh, how disappointing. And I thought you’re a person with sense. I guess not. Facts? LOL don’t even start. You’re lying through your teeth the moment you said that she got kicked out. She wasn’t, for your information.”

”Doesn’t matter. She’s out whether you like it or not. I wonder why you keep on insisting your point that’s pretty invalid in the first place, ‘tard.”

A few more exchanges and other forum members started joining in the conversation. Some sided my ‘defender’, while most (and it really hurts to admit it) agreed with the other. The argument about me continued on the next page and that’s when things started getting ugly. Some people started posting those pictures, and while my face was either pixilated or blurred, the past scandal I had before was still as clear as day, and was still humiliating.

“We can’t have girls like her grouped with the other awesome and obviously talented trainees,” Someone read aloud the comment that was written below my ‘scandalous’ picture posted on the thread, and I almost jumped at the sudden interruption. I looked over my shoulder; Durami was there, behind me, silently reading the comments with me all this time.

“Seriously unnie why don’t you just jump off a cliff and spare yourself from the virtual drama,” She murmured as her eyes scanned the posts. “This is stupid. You quit -- none of these are true anyway, and hell, why do you still care so much?”

“I can’t stop,” I whispered, my voice pained and laced with agony and frustration. “I still wanted this. I still want in.” 

I could feel Durami’s eyes rolling in annoyance as she sighed exasperatedly at me. “You haven’t reported for a month. You ran away like some five year old kid, and now you want to go back? You didn’t even file a formal letter or something. Do they even require you guys to do that? I mean…”

I sat up straighter, as if a bolt of strong electric shock suddenly ran inside my veins. My younger sister was right…I just ran away.

I said goodbye and thank you, and the president said that he’s going to see things through first. No ‘you need to sign this,’, No ’We’ll call you or something for the final decision’. Hell, no ’Did you tell your handler about this?’. He just looked at me and said ok.

“Durami,” I said breathlessly as I turned around to face her, the crude comments posted online completely forgotten. Durami raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow at me as she waited for me to talk more. “Durami, I can come back and see for myself, right?”

“What. Unnie, you quit. You even burned the bridges, well, almost.”

“Damn the bridges, I can swim on my way there to fight for a spot, right?”

“A rather foolish way of thinking,” she said instead, still against my sudden desire to come back.

“Yang Goon Sajangnim said he’d see through things first.”

“Right, and maybe he’s done seeing through things. I’m more convinced that they have moved on and are now more focused on the group you were supposed to be a part of.”

“Whatever,” I said, completely ignoring my sister’s arguments. I turned the computer off, stood up and walked over to my closet to take some clothes as she watched me without saying a word.

“Durami, I’m going out.”

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Look, I’m fcuked up as it is. So I’m shedding any remaining dignity left, and go back there. Grovel at their feet or something. Try to talk. If they said no, then I’ll try harder, I’ll talk to Yang Goon sajangnim, I don’t care if I have to wait outside their building for days.”

“My goodness unnie, give it up.”

“I know Durami, you’re just looking out for me. I’ll be fine, just let me do this.”

“Goddammit,” she said in a voice that says that she has decided to help me. I smiled triumphantly at her as she started walking over to my closet as well to pick out some clothes for me. “God, if you’re going to humiliate yourself for one last time, just make sure that you look your best.”

“Oh, Durami, I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“I know. That’s why I’m coming with you, unnie.” I screamed, ecstatic, and she cringed at this as she punched me lightly on my arm. “Don’t be so happy, I’m not going to help you stand up if ever they decided to literally throw you off the streets.”

---------------------

Jiyong:

“Dude seriously, it’s just the internet, ignore the trolls.”

Kush hyung will never understand. No one will ever understand. My eyes remained glued on the screen as Teddy hyung, Kush hyung, Youngbae and Seunghyun hyung randomly discussed topics I didn’t really care about behind me. We were supposed to just hang out inside the studio today (and maybe just get some tracks done for future releases), but all I could think about was what Seunghyun hyung said a few days ago about the girls’ (minus Dara) upcoming debut. I could ask some people, like Teddy hyung about it, but I just feel a little embarrassed, and I didn’t want to bother more people about this.

Hence, the lurking on some threads dedicated to the girls’ debut. I promised to myself that I will just fish for some useful information (I was pretty sure that none of these people are fully aware of what will really happen, but I know how some fans have good skills on finding out information anyway), until I chanced upon a certain thread. Most of the things posted were just speculations, until someone made some rather, interesting (albeit rude and just plain insulting) comments about Dara.

”The one with the scandal got the boot.”

She did not get the cut, freak. I was there, at least when she said that she was quitting. We were staring at each other as she announced that decision of hers for chrissakes. I didn’t waste any second longer -- I created an account on the spot and started replying at this know-it-all jerk.

As calmly as I could, of course.

”Excuse me, but that wasn’t confirmed at all.”

”Which one? Her not being included, the scandal, or both?”

I fumed inwardly as I read his/her comment. The audacity! 

“Jiyong’s reading some stupid comments on the internet again,” Teddy hyung remarked dryly. The others laughed at this, but I ignored them.

”Both,” I replied simply. ”No quit being such a smarta** and stop confusing people.”

There. Hopefully the idiot shuts up. He/She did stop replying immediately, and the topic changed as the other forum members started talking about CL and Minji. I still kept on refreshing the thread from time to time, hoping to get some interesting information, however.

But what I got instead, was the smarta**’s stupid reply.

”LOL somebody got so butthurt because his/her bias got the cut. Sad. I’ve got facts, dear. Something that you obviously don’t have. And it’s not like people care if she was out, see the next replies after your butthurt comment? Yes, all of them were about the two rather promising trainees, Chaerin and Minji.”

What a blatant liar. Facts? I wanted to throw the laptop away, but I remembered that it wasn’t mine. With all the patience I could muster, I typed my response.

”Oh, how disappointing. And I thought you’re a person with sense. I guess not. Facts? LOL don’t even start. You’re lying through your teeth the moment you said that she got kicked out. She wasn’t, for your information.”

”Doesn’t matter. She’s out whether you like it or not. I wonder why you keep on insisting your point that’s pretty invalid in the first place, ‘tard.”

“Oi, Jiyong, that laptop is expensive as fcuk. Don’t even start,” Kush hyung warned, sensing my anger at whatever I was reading on the internet.

“I won’t do anything hyung,” I replied breezily. I just want to track this b*stard down and hit him hard.

I typed a few more replies, until some “Dara haters” started sensing my irritation and started joining in the conversation, some of them quoting my posts and replying to it by posting those blurred pictures of her when that stupid scandal of hers broke out. It was maddening.

“The fcuk,” It was Seunghyun’s turn to make a comment as I angrily typed, totally oblivious of their presence. “Jiyong, stop stressing over it. They barely know the girls, what the eff is up with the debut speculations?”

“What, some people are all over their debut announcement already?” Youngbae wondered. “Are the details even finalized yet?”

“I heard from our manager that it’s almost done,” Seunghyun hyung answered back. 

“Not true,” Teddy hyung refuted Seunghyun hyung’s claim. “Nothing’s finalized. They’re not even sure if the trainees would be grouped together.”

All of us looked at him as he said this. Seunghyun hyung, Youngbae and I were surprised, but Kush hyung seemed to know this as well.

“Yup,” he agreed. “Teddy’s right. So a big WTF on all the crazy internet comments.”

“But I thought you guys even have the songs ready…”

“True, but it doesn’t mean sh1t. There are no specific plans yet,” Teddy hyung said simply. “Anyway, where are you getting this news, Seunghyun?”

“From our manager.”

“I can’t believe that even some people in the company are totally buying these rumors.”

“So Dara…” I couldn’t take it anymore. The best person to ask about her future was Teddy hyung, because among the five of us present, he’s the most involved in the creation of their group.

“What about her?”

“She quit, but can she still join?”

“So did she really?” Kush hyung asked. “She was the one who ran away a month ago, right?”

“Yes, hyung. So I was wondering…”

“I don’t know, honestly. Only hyung can tell. What did he say anyway?”

Silence. After all, none of us had any idea on what Yang Goon hyung will say about it. A sudden loud knock interrupted our conversation, however. Kush hyung opened it, and a flustered and panting Minji appeared before us.

“Oppa,” she said, her eyes boring into mine. “Dara unnie just came back. I don’t know what happened, but he’s currently inside sajangnim’s office, having a talk with him. I thought you should know.”