Dara:

A week after that talk with President Yang I was finally adjusting quite well with my schedule as a YGE trainee (in question). The others were devastated the moment they learned about my supposed ‘terms’ with the President, except well, for Aera. She didn’t even hide her triumphant smile as she listened to me explain to the others what happened.

I could only talk to the others though phone and instant messaging, but it got less and less as they were suddenly put into stricter training sessions, in much longer periods of time.

“I’m not sad because trainings became harder and more demanding all of a sudden, I’m sad because I realized debut time is near and that they’re not even thinking about you being included!” Bom wailed once on the phone. She called me one time because she said she couldn’t handle the idea that we were put on different fields. I could only smile sadly on the other line as I listened to her talk about it.

I miss her and the others a lot.

“A bento box?!” I almost cut my finger as I heard Durami’s surprised reaction right beside me. “What the hell am I missing here?!”

“For the nth time, I wonder why you seem to be so disgusted whenever you see me doing something like this?”

“I’m not disgusted,” Durami replied simply. She took one of the kimbaps I sliced earlier and popped it in .

“Hey!” I protested. “That’s not for you!”

“I’m mfeatingmf it mmalready,” She answered back, and I could only watch her take a sample of what I’ve prepared.

“How does it taste?” I asked consciously. “I’m making this lunch for him.” Him meant Jiyong, and I know Durami knew whohim I was talking about.

She gulped and took a swig of the energy drink bottle I placed earlier beside the chopping board. “Tasted ridiculous. One bite of it and he’ll think you still hated him. Seriously unnie, do you know what you’re doing?”

“Doing, as in do I know the reason why I’m still making him something to eat after all the drama we’re currently having?”

“No. I’m asking if you really know how to make kimbap. What you’re doing looked like the real thing, but tastes crap if you eat it, really. And that’s me being nice because I’m just worried for you, mmkay?”

It was that bad? Worried, I took a slice of kimbap and popped it in my mouth, only to spit it out immediately. It tasted that bad. My younger sister wasn’t kidding when she said that it tasted like crap.

“Too salty,” Durami murmured as she took the sliced kimbap(s) and threw it on the trash bin.

Girl. fcukin. threw. the. kimbap. I. slaved. over. since. last. night.

Just like that.

“Why are you staring like me like that?” Durami asked a few seconds later. “Your kimbap tasted bad and well, you don’t have extra time to argue with me because you have to leave by 8 am today, right? It’s 10 minutes to seven already, unnie. Did you take a bath already?”

She’s right. I glanced at the wall clock above the kitchen doorway. “Not yet”

“What?! And you’re supposed to impress YGE bigwigs from now on because you’re under observation once again, right?! Get your *ss moving!” She shooed me away from the kitchen. “If I were you I’d just spend my time making sure I’m capable of pwning people skills-wise and talents-wise, instead of wasting my time fussing over things like preparing lunch for someone who despises me.”

Durami’s bluntness is becoming a serious business each passing day. If I had another luxurious second to waste I’d probably give her a piece of my mind but I didn’t, so I just frowned in response and went to the bathroom as fast as I could.

-------------

Fifteen minutes to 8AM, and I’m waiting outside the recording room were Big Bang was currently spending most of their time, in preparations for their upcoming Korean album. They’re very busy from what I’ve heard, and stressed -- most especially Jiyong so perhaps people at home would finally understand why I chose to prepare food for them instead. It was the perfect way, no, the only way for me to get closer to him.

I checked my watch for the nth time. Gosh, this is killing me. I should have texted at least one of the girls to be with me but, I know that they’re very busy now. I was meant to do this alone.

“Hey.”

I looked up and saw Seunghyun looking at me, his face blank. “Good morning,” he greeted lamely.

“Oh.” I held on to the food box tighter as I bowed to him politely. “Good morning, too.”

“Why are we acting so awkward to each other?”

I snorted. I didn’t know either and yet...we were acting so polite to each other as if something happened between us. I grinned at him. “You tell me.”

“Hmm. Well, you didn’t do anything exactly but...Jiyong and I had a huge argument a few days ago because of you. So yeah, it’s totally not your fault, but I can’t help but act a bit...formal when we see each other.”

“So that’s why our conversations would just be limited to ‘good luck!’ and ‘I’ll go ahead’ from now on, huh?”

“Yes. Everything is too...well let’s just say it got a little more complicated because they thought we’re having some sort of a romantic relationship.”

I was shocked at what just Seunghyun said. He’s just like a brother to me, nothing else. “But we know that we just have thing annoying-brother-sister thing right?”

“I couldn’t agree more. You’re the last person I’d date here really.” Seunghyun hesitated for a while. “Haha, and I don’t mean anything bad about that so ---”

“Hyung,” a low voice interjected, interrupting our small talk. Seunghyun and I both turned around to see Youngbae and the rest of Big Bang standing behind him.

And when we say Big Bang, we say Jiyong, too. He was leaning on the wall, just behind where Seungri and Youngbae were standing. He wasn’t looking at me, but I could still feel the tension.

Actually I think we all did feel it.

Seunghyun cleared his throat uncomfortably. “I was just about to go in but I saw her standing here.” He looked at me, as if waiting for my confirmation. “I think she has something to give to you Jiyong.”

The tension intensified. Putting me and Jiyong in one sentence is asking for murder. I thought Seunghyun just had a huge argument with Jiyong because of me? Why was he being so blunt now?

To make things worse, Seunghyun opened the door and entered the room silently. Youngbae, Daesung and Seungri followed without saying a word to me.

Except Jiyong, who was still leaning on the wall.

I hugged the lunch box tighter. A lot had happened between us for the past few weeks or so, I couldn’t possibly just talk to him casually and give the lunch box to him as if nothing happened.

“Aren’t you going to leave?” Jiyong finally spoke up, his voice laced with irritation. “I don’t really have much time for this.”

“I was just...I was just going to give this to you,” I took a few steps towards him. His body stiffened the moment I did that so I halted and took a step back instead. “Minji told me two days ago about your schedule with your upcoming album preparations so I decided to prepare something for you to...eat.”

He scoffed and looked at me from head to foot with a combination of mockery and disgust, like he’d always have whenever he would lay his eyes on me these days. “Stop being delusional. You acting like I would forgive you if you did that lunch of yours is stupid.” He placed his hands on his pockets and started heading for the entrance door.

“Jiyong,” I called his name for the last time. “I’m not asking for your forgiveness right away but...”

“Tell you what,” Jiyong answered back harshly. “Stop doing this and focus on your trainings. Make sure YGE made the right decision of keeping your pathetic self after all the things you’ve done. Now get out of my sight and just don’t show yourself to me anymore.” He turned his back on me and slammed the door shut as hard as he could.

And I’ve said so many times that I wouldn’t cry anymore, but at that moment I still did.

----------------------

Youngbae:

The recording session didn’t turn out well as I expected. And personally I hated it because I still have my solo promotions and switching back and forth isn’t exactly a walk in the park. If Jiyong was such in a bad mood he could have said so and postponed this meeting so we could have done other productive things instead of sulking with him and doing nothing.

If Seunghyun hyung knew that Dara-sshi was there then he could have at least taken whatever she was holding anyway so Jiyong wouldn’t see her anymore.

And I guess I hate myself for thinking like this but...If Dara-sshi got the point that Jiyong didn’t want to see her from the get go and just focused on what she was supposed to do, then maybe Seunghyun hyung wouldn’t see her and they wouldn’t have that conversation that got her staying there until we arrived.

Aish, Dong Youngbae! I mentally scolded myself. Just get something to eat because you’re just feeling hungry!

“Guys, I’ll just go buy something at the caf, is there something that you guys wanted...a drink, perhaps?”

The room might as well be empty for nobody even bothered to reply or even look at me. Jiyong was madly scribbling something on his notebook, Seunghyun hyung was sleeping on the couch while Daesung and Seungri just continued with their conversation.

Oh, brother. Could we even get our album out before the year ends?

-------------------

Of all people to run into here in the caf. And I guess I’m finally understanding why companies were so adamant with their no-dating policy.

It screws things up. Not just for the couple, but for everyone working around them, too.

I would have ignored her if there were other people in the caf, but she was the only one staying there. It would be rather impolite if I didn’t greet her.

“Dara-sshi,” I softly called her name.

“Hey.” She shyly greeted me. In front of her was that bento box she was holding a while ago. I felt awkward all of a sudden; I didn’t really know her and the last few incidents related to her wasn’t really made for me or the others to leave a very good impression on her.

“Dara-sshi, why are you alone?”

“Oh, that.” She laughed, trying to lighten the tense atmosphere between us. “I’m not part of the line-up anymore.”

I was taken aback by what she just said. What?

“I’m not training for now. The management’s still deciding on what will happen to me.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“Don’t be.” She waved her hand dismissively. “What brings you here?”

“Food.” I replied back. “I’m in the midst of my solo promotions now so...” We looked at each other and a minute later, we were laughing together for some reason we didn’t really know.

“Would you like some of these?” She offered her bento box. “It’s too much for me to eat alone.”

I looked at the bento box. It looked like she spent the other night making it. I knew it was for Jiyong too, but he didn’t accept it when Dara offered it to him a while ago.

I felt sorry for her.

And I felt guilty, because Jiyong’s my best friend, and maybe...I should just stay away from her. I cleared my throat and stood up, much to her surprise.

“I have to leave. Mianhe, Dara-sshi.”

Her face fell; she understood why I wanted to leave all of a sudden. “It’s okay.” She tried her best to smile. “Hwaiting on your promotions, Youngbae-sshi. And with Big Bang’s upcoming album as well.”

I bowed my head down and left her alone on the table. I kept telling to myself that I made the right decision, but I still felt guilty. I made a one last look at her, and the scene that I witnessed somehow made my heart heavier.

There she was, smiling to herself, maybe murmuring a prayer of thanks before she started to eat. She merrily took her chopsticks and tried to pick something to eat. As if excited, she swallowed it in the pretense of being satisfied with the dish.

But as she did so, a tear rolled down her cheek. She wiped it hastily, but tears continued to fall as she continued eating by herself.

I can’t stand this. I walked back to her place.

“Dara-sshi?”

She looked up, surprised. She wiped her tears, sniffed, and smiled at me. “Yes?”

“Since you’re not having any formal training, you can use your time still practicing.”

“Huh?” She was confused.

“I have spare time around the same time your free time is, I can help you with your dancing.”

She just nodded. She was shocked I could tell, but still she smiled at me.

“Thank you, Youngbae-sshi.”

I smiled at her and formally said goodbye again.

Me teaching Dara how to dance better --- Jiyong wouldn’t really have to know.