Jiyong: 

4 days, 6 cans of beer, 8 cigarette breaks later, and I have never been more sure.

My feelings for Dara never really changed. I was still in love with her, and it would never change. It kills me. It really does, and I don’t even know what to do anymore. 

I should be busy recording for our impending comeback, but the longer I stay inside the studio, the more I think of her. 

What is she doing right now?

“Here’s your coffee, sir,” A young waitress placed my order on the table I occupied, and I nodded and murmured thanks in return, her presence finally snapping me out from my reverie. 

When she left, I looked around to check where I was. Wouldn’t you know it, I almost forgot that I have been brooding for more than two hours now at some coffee shop where me and the guys usually frequent whenever we wanted to get away from the studio without being recognized by people.

It was drizzling outside, and it couldn’t have been a more perfect weather to compliment my feelings as I quietly watched people outside, their colorful umbrellas contrasting the gloomy atmosphere that was covering this part of Seoul like a blanket. My table was situated by the coffee shop’s quaint window - big enough for me to observe people walking by, but small enough for them not to notice me.

I sighed. Me sitting here, ignored by the rest, thinking about her. It sounded too cliché. I should be doing more important things, I said to myself, but…isn’t sitting alone, like this, to think about her not important, too?


Perhaps I was too lost in my thoughts to not have noticed that someone was already sitting on the vacant chair in front of me, until I felt a cold hand on top of mine. Surprised with the sudden coldness, I jerked my hand back, my eyes falling on another set of deep, brown eyes that felt oddly familiar.


“I should have done this 4 years ago.”


I gasped. She looked so different now, but I’d recognize that voice everywhere. “Ji Eun.”


She smiled at me, and even though there were traces of sadness on the edges of that smile, I was happy to meet again a person who existed way before the craziness of my life as a celebrity started.

“You never showed up at our debut stage, Ji Eun.”

She laughed, her pretty eyes crinkling in mild amusement. “I didn’t? Are you sure?” She took my untouched coffee and took a sip before continuing, “Let me tell you a secret. I was there.”

“You were?” I asked, surprised. “But Ji Eun…”

“Noona.”

“I never called you noona.” I replied with a grin, glad that after all these years, our private joke was still alive. “How’s your cousin?”

“My cousin?” She laughed. “You’re not close anymore, eh?”

“She got busy with her life, that is all.”

“All of us got busy in the end, Ji.”

Somehow a wave of loneliness washed over me as she calmly stated the truth. Ji Eun. I wonder why she disappeared without word when I was falling for her, only to reappear a few years later. She looked so much older, but still beautiful. For a moment, I wondered if she knew how special she was to me, back when I was barely 14. 

I guess this was something not meant to be expressed, for those feelings have flown away as years went by, just like her.

“Stop staring.” 

“Ji Eun.” I reached for her hands and held it tightly. “I missed you.”

“You liar.” She replied softly. “You miss someone else. You love someone else. Don’t talk, I know everything.” She freed her hands from my grasp. “I didn’t go here to say I miss you too, even if I do.”

“I’m not getting you…” I don’t understand what Ji Eun was trying to say.

“For years, I hated you.”

I was shocked. Outside it started to rain harder, and Ji Eun took it as a cue to continue what she was saying.

“I went there, Jiyong. I was there. I cheered you on, I was so proud. I sad to myself, ‘Oh, he’s going to get big, I’m glad I met him before he got famous’. I even brought along another person who was special to me, you see…”

“Your boyfriend?” I interrupted.

“Your would be girlfriend.” She answered simply. “Dara.”

The picture. In a series of flashbacks, I remembered. Everything suddenly came back, and it hurt me. Ji Eun was behind Dara all this time, manipulating everything.

“I looked for you, with Dara tagging along. She was complaining, I remember, you should have seen us back then. It was so funny. And then I saw you. Talking to her. I saw you Jiyong, standing outside your dressing room. Just one more step and I’ll be there in front of you.” She smiled, but her eyes were starting to get shiny -- tears threatening to spill any moment soon, regardless, she held on. “But Joo Ri was faster. She was stronger, too. More convincing perhaps. You believed in what she said. She said I didn’t bother coming, and you just agreed.”

“That’s not true,” I argued softly. “You were the first person I looked for, I asked Joo Ri about your whereabouts before she can even start congratulating me.”

Ji Eun sniffed as her cold hands started playing with a napkin. “You said me not going wasn’t your loss at all. I heard it.”

“Well, you heard it wrong,” I answered with a bitter laugh. “God, Ji Eun. Hating me with intense passion just because of some miscommunication between us.”

“Did I hurt you so bad?” She asked. 

“Yes.” I said with a sad smile. “You’re the best, even when it comes to extracting revenge. You sent Dara over. You sent the most beautiful gift, prettily wrapped and all.”

“That’s karma for you, Jiyong. I admit I used her to hurt you, but her feelings…” She cleared , but her voice still cracked as she continued talking. “Her feelings were all hers, and it was all your doing - not mine, and surely not our plans. Why would I ask her to make you fall for her? Why would I ask her to fall for you just the same? If it’s not that obvious for you, Jiyong, I wanted you all to myself. You having a relationship with her weren’t included in the plan.”

“Can you believe it, Jiyong? In the end I’ve become a monster, worse than what Joo Ri could ever become. I made Dara’s life miserable. I could care less about yours being the same but… you know what else? I know and I’ve accepted the fact that you two were meant to stay together, but God, why can’t I just stop hating the two of you and just move on?”

She started to cry, silently, her arms shaking as she tried to not make a scene at the coffee shop. I tried to wipe her tears away using my hand, but she slapped it away.

“Just forget it, I was just saying, do what you think is right. If I can’t free myself from the hate that has eaten all of my being, I should do my best to free the both of you from it.”

“Ji Eun…”

“I loved you. But I think I still hate you, so I won’t say sorry for ruining a part of your life.” She hastily wiped her tears away, and when the traces of her tears disappeared, her expression became unreadable. Without saying anything, she squared her shoulders, stood up, and left without saying good bye.

Just like what she did all those years ago.

Dara: 

Two weeks of practicing, two weeks of waiting for nothing.

Dong-Wook wasn’t able to teach me after a week of trying to help me, as he started to prepare for his own comeback promotions. I knew she won’t be there all the time to help me, but him not being there to encourage me makes me lose my confidence a little bit.

Will I ever be included in the final line-up?

I walked down the empty halls of YGE entertainment, and in some strange way, I felt like this was the last time I’ll be walking down the hall.

As a trainee.

I laughed aloud, the sound of it bouncing off the walls and echoing beyond the empty corridor. Girl you’re going crazy, I said to myself. Focus working on your stuff so Dong-Wook and the others wouldn’t feel so bad.

“You won’t get in.”

I stopped walking. Aera suddenly appeared out of nowhere.

What she wanted to do this time, I couldn’t tell.

“Quit why you can still save your face from humiliation, unnie. You’ll never even get Jiyong oppa back.”

I sneered, despite the fact that her words stung me. “What makes you so sure, Jiang? You don’t know what stuff I’m made of.”

She smiled sweetly, and I almost forgot what kind of person she was for a split second.

Until she shoved me down, hard. I fell a few steps back. 

“Just give up.”

I looked up at her, and took a good look of her face this time. Her face crumpled with fury, with hatred. Like she wanted me to just drop dead.

“No.”

“Oh, you don’t know me. You have no idea of what I can do. Jiyong oppa? I’ll make sure that he won’t be coming back to you.”

“Aera.”

Both of us looked where the face came from. Funny thing was, both of us turned pale the moment we saw him.

Jiyong was standing behind Aera, and with him was the rest of Big Bang, just staring at the two of us.

“Oppa,” Aera suddenly cried out, acting like she was the victim. “It was Dara unnie’s fault.”


Jiyong’s eyes rested on me. There was a flash of anger, and I thought I could let it slide, his look of disgust, his furious stares. As always.

Not this time, I guess.

Perhaps Aera was right. True, I won’t get anything -- Jiyong, or even the spot Mina left.

So why was I still staying here?

The next thing that happened surprised me and everyone present to witness my decision.

“You finally got it right, Jiang.”

The pretty girl’s face started to show several shades of confusion as she waited for what I’d be saying next.

“I’m quitting.”