Dara:

November. 

Time flies really fast, I know. Didn't it seem like yesterday when I reluctantly entered YG's premises? An indulgent sigh escaped from my lips as I walked faster, already 10 minutes late from my first trainee agenda today. It's autumn and it's getting a little colder than usual that I found it hard to wake up on early mornings. With each step I took, a memory of what happened these past few months came rushing by, one by one. It's with these kinds or mornings when I do get more pensive than usual. Ji Eun on the other was dismissive of whatever thoughtful or pensive moments I had. She didn’t really understand when I get sentimental over some things sometimes.

Before I knew it, I was already facing the huge glass doors of the rather intimidating YG building. I hastily checked the time on my watch. It's 6:20 in the morning, oh shoot. I was 20 minutes late already. Did I mention that time really flies so fast? I loosened my scarf and entered the building without further ado. I then greeted the receptionist with a bow and continued running through the hall, unmindful of the noise my shoes were making. Our trainer must be going ballistic right now -- he strictly mentioned yesterday morning about how we should not be late because physical exercises play a role with us coping with the daily demands of our trainings here. On a normal day, I would often use the stairs to go to the rooftop, where our trainer usually preferred as our place for our exercises. However, I'm late as it is so I didn't even have second thoughts on using the elevator. I hurried to the nearest one and began punching the buttons frantically. It was coming down now, but it didn't stop me from tapping my foot impatiently. Can this go down any faster?

Ding.

I was about to step in when my eyes caught a glimpse of the person inside. The person was wearing a beanie, but it didn't stop some of his blond locks from peeking out of it. Kwon Jiyong? Why is he everywhere nowadays?

He was about to get out too, but he stepped back inside again the moment he saw me. I looked at him and our eyes met. I raised an eyebrow. Well?

His eyes shifted for a second but he didn't move. Okay, then. I don't have the luxury of avoiding him anyway so I entered the elevator and let it close while the two of us were inside. I punched the button and remained silent.

He was silent, too. But I could feel him glancing at me once in a while. It's creeping me out, to be honest. I mean ok, sometimes it's cool but for the most part? Um. I would never understand the Kwon Leadah, I think. He just acts so weird around me. 

"You're late," He murmured, starting a conversation between us. 

"I know," I answered back, my face expressionless. I crossed my arms and pretended that I'm alone and Jiyong was a ghost who got trapped in the elevator and died. Well it's mean, but whatever.

I heard a soft crunch below. I looked down and I saw him holding a paper bag. Was he...?

"I was waiting and hoping that maybe, I could see you? But I waited and all the trainees came and the trainer even, except you. They waited for about five minutes but your trainer got pissed and they just went on without you. They used a different place, too. Not in the rooftop."

I gave him an irritated look. Really? We're already halfway through and he only told me about it just now? 

He flinched a little and I found him clutching at the paper bag tighter. Without looking at me, he continued. "I came down to wait for you in the lobby, but I saw you just in time. I was planning, hey, let's have some breakfast again, 'cause you might be hungry and all."

I shivered. His voice sounded so quiet. "Oh." I was irritated about half a second ago, but when I heard what he said next, I felt myself softening a little. 

Blame it on me being pensive whenever November comes, but suddenly I realized, he's was nothing but nice to me. Aside from that lunch fiasco [that he never did again], he really was nice. Bringing me food, visiting me, waiting for me to finish training, encouraging me, and THIS.

Even commenting on blogs against all the hate comments aimed at me. Defending me, when he doesn't have any idea that all I do whenever I'm on the internet was to bash him. Like crazy. I knew about it last week, when Seunghyun casually told me about it. He said he was freaked out because Jiyong was suddenly participating in fan wars when he shouldn't really care. But he was doing it anyway. 

Something was stirring inside me. What kind, I'm afraid to find out. I should be hating on him, but it's so hard. Goddammit. It's so hard. I looked up and pressed my hands together. If I talked one more time, I'd choke.

We're going up, up to the rooftop, but I'm cursed. I'm falling for him just the same. It's those random things that he does that melts me. That hits me the most.

But I can't. Insane as it was, I can't indulge to the craziness that is Kwon Jiyong. It's just wrong, and Ji Eun and I invested so much to this. 

6 more floors to go, and I have to decide fast. I can't let this eat me up. Frustrated that I was, I decided the sanest way of dealing with this mess. Let go.

Not of hate, but of Jiyong. I promised to myself that this craziness would go the moment I step out of that tiny space I'm currently inhabiting with him. 

2 more floors to go, and I took one step forward. He on the other hand didn't move. 

The doors finally opened and I stepped outside. He didn't follow me, like I thought he would. Within seconds, I felt the doors closing in, but I didn't look back. That one moment inside was our last, I just knew it. Both of us knew.

The realization hit me hard. When I was sure that he was gone and I was alone yet again, I let my tears fall for a good minute. It's the worst cliche in the world, but we can't be together. I guess he realized that there won't be other days again of us being together.

I gave out a harsh laugh and wiped my tears dry. Oh, the irony of life.

But slapped in the face that I was, I still wished fervently. That on our next lives, Jiyong and I would meet again.

And on that moment, with no more goodbyes.

----------------------------------

I felt like a robot for the rest of the day. I dutifully laughed, ate, talked, complained and trained with the other trainees. I dutifully accepted my trainer's wrath, too. I did what I was supposed to do. I guess he was doing the same thing, going back to what he usually does like nothing happened. Or maybe not. Who knows right?

"You're not eating," Mina finally observed. I gave her a wan smile in return, but her face showed that she didn't buy my act. "You're usually the first one to finish your food and order another one again," she continued.

"Hmm, what Mina unnie said was true," Minji chimed in. "Dara unnie, are you not feeling well?"

I chose not to answer but smiled in return instead.

"Ssandara unnie, that's your favorite. Come on, eat it before Bom unnie gobbles it up." CL gave out an uneasy laugh and Bom followed shortly. When I didn't answer, both of them exchanged worried looks.

I forced to lift my chopsticks in my mouth and eat what was on it. After a few minutes, I simply chose to give up. "Maybe we should just go home."

All of the nodded, except Aera. "Um, yes..I'd love to but..." she gave out an embarrassed laugh and continued, "I'll finish this first, I'm so hungry!"

All of us laughed uneasily and proceeded with doing some random things while waiting for her. To avoid any talks, I started concentrating on fixing my bag. A second later, I realized that something's oddly missing.

Oh crap.

I searched and searched until Aera finished her meal and everybody was ready to go.

"Dara, unnie, is something missing?" CL asked as she looked at me frantically searching something inside my bag. I shook my head in response and just continued looking for it. Where is it?

I couldn't find it anymore, and that can't happen. CL and the other trainees just watched me quietly as I took out the contents inside my bag.

I have my small thermos for rehearsals.

I have my towel.

I have my wallet and my phone.

I have my extra shirt.

I have my YG id.

What I don't have, I realized, as all my things were scattered for everyone to see, is the black notebook. Panic started to creep in, and I felt myself shaking a little. It can't be.

The black notebook Ji Eun gave me.

It was Bommie's turn to ask. "Dara, if ever you lost something, we can go back."

I looked at her and forced myself to smile and act as if nothing happened. "Nah, I didn't lose anything. Let's go."

All of them nodded and started to stand up and leave the place. Before I could stand up, I felt Mina's hand on my arm. I almost jumped at the sensation, her hand felt cold and clammy.

"Are you sure you didn't lose something?" She was looking at me straight in the eye. It gave me a different feeling, but my mind was on the lost notebook so I didn't have the time or energy to analyze her expression.

"N-no. I didn't. My things are pretty much here. I guess I'm just tired."

Mina kept staring at me for a few minutes. It started to make me feel uncomfortable but she removed her hand away just as I was to tell her about it. "Just make sure everything's there."

Jiyong:

I spent the rest of the day in a daze.

She didn't really do that to me. Everything that happened inside the elevator was just some sick nightmare. It didn't happen. Next time I'd see her she'd give an annoyed look but smile and laugh at my antics later, as if nothing really happened. 

But the feelings mirrored in her eyes were real. It was so real she wasn't even able to translate it to words. 

Why was she saying goodbye? She didn't say it but her action earlier that morning was all about saying goodbye. I just knew it. 

I sighed and gently massaged my temples. This is giving me a headache. A few days ago we were actually ok and I thought we already hit it off, only to realize that both of us hit the dead end.

"Sandara Park, you better explain this to me," I talked to no one in particular, frustration welling up inside me. She better not use that "I'm a trainee" bs. She better not. 

"What should she explain to you?"

I turned around to see Seunghyun hyung sitting casually on the sofa. 

"None of your business," I snapped. I don't have the patience for this right now.

"Oh, dayuuuuuuuum. I'm burned." Hyung laughed at his own comment but stopped the moment he saw me glaring at him. "I mean, seriously, what is up with the two of you again?" 

I walked up to the sofa and sat beside him. "Oh, hyung," I started. "She...she doesn't want to do things that have something to do with me."

Hyung cocked his head on one side. "Wait, what? So you're saying the two of you broke up? I mean no offense, but did the two of you even have a relationship in the first place?"

"Like that question really helps," I replied miserably. "Thanks a lot."

"Aaw man," Hyung moved closer to me and attempted to hug me, but I swatted his arms away from me just in time. "She really got you so bad this time, didn't she?"

"She did. She really did. And she didn't even end it properly!" A lone tear trickled down my face but I wiped it away before hyung sees it. Why am I acting like this?

"Dude, I saw that." Hyung commented, pertaining to that lone teardrop I just shed not too long ago. "Dammit, it should have been Dong Youngbae who's sitting here, instead of me. Look at you...you--you're crying!"

"I'm not!" I answered back, suddenly becoming defensive. "Something just got stuck in my eye."

"Chyeaaaaah, right. Like it's true. Kwon Jiyong, I mean, relax, ok? She must have her reasons."

"And I'd like to know all of it." I sniffed. "I am just so down right now. Just when I thought I'm doing things right, she does this 'let's stop' bs right in front of me."

"Yeah, just do all that whining and she'll see you as some over dependent guy who has a lot of emotional shizz people don't like. Come on, where's the narcissistic Kwon Leadah I know? Where's the love? You need some time alone. Or spend time with other girls to boost your ego again. Wink wink!" 

I looked at hyung for the first time since I sat down beside him. "Are you serious?" I asked incredulously.

Hyung shrugged. "Well you don't have anything in the first place, so it's guilt free. Try to date around, y'know? Maybe you're taking things way too seriously, that's all I'm saying."

I kept staring at him and he did the same for a few minutes until he got annoyed. "Whaaaaaaaaaaaaat?!"

I pursed my lips. "Is this your plan so that Dara would take a look at you instead?"

Hyung's jaw dropped. "Hah--what--hah," he placed his right hand on his chest dramatically. "I can't believe this guy!" He stood up. "You're just...dude you're just insane. I was actually being a friend here! This is insulting!"

Uh-oh. I guess I misread his intentions. I grabbed his hand before he could walk away. "Hyung, don't go."

"What? Pissed because if I did no one would accept all that drama you have? Go find your pet, Seungri! I bet he's more than willing to give you the time!" He tried to remove his hand from my grasp but I held on to him tighter.

"Sorry, hyung. Just don't leave me here." I pleaded. I looked like an idiot but I pleaded just the same. Hyung's face softened and he sat down again beside me.

"This is so...whatever. Anyway, as I was saying. Go out and have fun!"

"But hyung this is just so..." I was interrupted by the sudden ringing of my mobile phone. Someone's calling me. Maybe it's her? I excitedly flipped my phone open and eagerly answered the person on the other line. "Hello?" 

"Oppa?" The person answered, and I couldn't help but feel disappointed. It's was a different person. 

I looked at my phone for a second. The number wasn't registered on my phone. I placed it on my left ear again while hyung moved closer to me so he could listen.

"Um, who are you?"

The girl on the other line hesitated for a while. "It's me."

Hyung suddenly jerked back. "I know that voice," He mouthed. "This is it!"

"Who is it?" I mouthed back at him.

Hyung mouthed her name and I had to jump in surprise. I never knew she'd know my number. On an ordinary day, I'd make tons of excuses because this was just so awkward.

But this is now. And Dara seemed so far away. Like a dream.

I sighed. Hyung better be right about this. 

"Oh, hi. What's up?"