Dara: 

My [birth]day started out fine, I think. I mean, I woke up in Big Bang's dorm and had Jiyong go all domestic on me -- preparing some breakfast for me and all. It shouldn't get any worse than that. It's my birthday. I never had crappy birthdays before anyway; it had always been happy and pretty chill.

But why do I have a feeling that my day would only go downhill from here? I'm spewing out random reasons on why my birthday won't be a mess, and yet there's this strange feeling inside. For what it's all worth, I won't think about it. It's my day and the universe would definitely conspire to make me the happiest girl on earth now.

I looked at my watch as I continued to walk briskly -- it's fifteen minutes to twelve, goodness did I just spent almost a half of my day with Jiyong? But it seemed so short. I pouted a little and hailed for a taxi. I have a feeling that I'd see him again later, anyway.

--------------------

"Noona! Where the hell are you?!" Sanghyun's voice was a combination of excitement and anxiety and I don’t even have to know the reason why. When I opened my mobile phone again inside the cab, I was surprised to see that my brother left 15 missed calls. Frantic much.

"Would have liked it better if you greeted me a happy birthday first," I answered dryly.

"I would have done that if I wasn't so freakin worried! Umma, Ji Eun noona and I have been waiting for your call all night!"

I felt my heart skip a beat when I heard Ji Eun's name. We had a conversation earlier, she didn't mention it to my brother and my mom? I felt my insides twisting; I felt so uneasy all of the sudden. I forgot the fact that I wasn't able to continue our conversation because the line went dead when I was about to get back to her. 

Did she really hear what Seunghyun had just said?

"Noona," I heard Sanghyun's panicked voice once again. "are you on your way home?"

I sighed and looked outside the window as I replied, "Yes. I'm on the cab now. I'll be there in fifteen minutes." Sanghyun had to ask the question again, just to make sure before we hung up. Gosh, I wonder what umma would say? Speaking of what to say, how the hell would I explain to her what happened to me last night?!

-----------------------------

"SURPRISE!!!!!!!!!!"

I was greeted by little balloons and colorful confetti thrown at me once I got home. I had to blink a few more times just to make sure I wasn't dreaming -- Umma, Seunghyun and Ji Eun were standing in front of me, their arms outstretched, with huge smiles plastered on their faces. They were wearing party hats and I could even see streamers hanging up almost everywhere. The house screamed "PARTY!", indeed.

"Happy birthday," Umma said as she came up to me to give me a hug and a soft kiss on the forehead. "I was seriously worried a while ago that what we prepared will be all for naught because I had a feeling that you wouldn't come home!" She then playfully ruffled my hair and pinched my cheeks. "Where did you go anyway last night anyway?"

I froze. Hell to the NO would I say that I slept over a guy's house. Umma would raise hell. And she wouldn't give a batsh1t either even if I told her that it was an idol's house. 

I started groping for words. "I--uh---well--"

"She had to sleep over at another girl trainee's house, ajhumma." Ji Eun suddenly spoke as she approached umma and I. "Dara said a few weeks ago that they were preparing for solos, so she had to ask for some help. I'm sorry I wasn't able to tell you earlier, I forgot about it. Dara actually asked me to tell you this last night but I guess it slipped from my mind." I just looked at her, stunned, but she just gave me a wink and a mysterious smile in return. It made me feel more nervous. When Ji Eun was blatantly being nice, it really meant that something was wrong. Oh Sh1t. Not on my birthday.

"Oh. Is that it?" Umma answered back as she looked at me again. "I didn't know you were having a tough week, Dara. But nonetheless, I'm glad you're home!" She took my arm as she ushered me to the living room, with Ji Eun trailing behind me. "Take a sit and rest for a moment while your brother and I get some food and drinks from the kitchen."

I wanted to go with them too because I didn't want to be alone with Ji Eun yet but before I could stand up, Sanghyun already stopped me.

"Happy birthday, noona!" He exclaimed while giving me a sloppy kiss on the cheek, making Ji Eun giggle and squirm a little. "Just sit there and relax. I helped umma in preparing your favorite dish! And we have some cake, too!"

"Sanghyun, but I want to--"

"Ji Eun noona will keep you company!" Sanghyun gave me another sloppy kiss on the cheek, making me feel a little embarrassed and annoyed. He then saluted at me and ran towards the kitchen before I could make a protest. In a matter of minutes I was left sitting on the couch. With Ji Eun sitting beside me. Our eyes met for a second but both of us looked away instantly. We so both knew that the cat was out of the bag already. Neither one of us wanted to say something. It was so silent that I could feel the tension brewing in the air.

But apparently Ji Eun couldn't take it any longer. She's one of the most transparent people that I knew after all, so I kinda felt that she'd be the first to utter a word/expression/reaction. Whatever it was, she would be the first to tell.

"So...." She started slowly, looking everywhere but me. "I take it that you lied to me."

I flinched. Trust her to be so blunt. I decided to not give a direct answer to her statement yet. "You covered up for me."

"Well," She answered as she clasped and unclasped her hands, still not looking at me. "What are best friends for? I perfectly know that your mom would get angry once she knew. I was just being that best friend who'd have your back anytime."

Was she being sarcastic? I guess she was so I decided not to reply.

"I thought you'd be the same, Dara." Her voice suddenly sounded so hurt that I had to look at her at that moment. She held my gaze, her eyes a little glassy from the pain and betrayal that she was feeling. She then swallowed hard and continued, "So tell me what really happened. Confirm my assumptions about what happened to you last night. And with whom," She added hastily, emphasizing the last word.

I closed my eyes for a second and took a deep breath, steeling myself for what might happen once she knew. "I got so drunk with Seunghyun. He didn't know who to call or where to bring me home that's why he sent me at their dorm so I could take a rest."

Ji Eun could only purse her lips after hearing my explanation. "Oh." She didn't look too convinced.

I took her hands and held it tightly as I further explained to her what happened last night. "Ji Eun, Seunghyun can't take care of me alone. It's just that Jiyong volunteered to help him. I mean all of them did."

"What did Jiyong do?" She asked, her voice almost in a whisper. 

"He just, he just lent me some clothes, he cooks breakfast for them so I was included." I didn't know how to mince my words or form my explanations without hurting Ji Eun. Really.

"He cooked for you?"

"Not really for me, it was for everyone. Ji, whatever it was it's not it."

"Not it?" She laughed bitterly as her eyes crinkled in disgust. "Tell me what's 'it'. I'm not deaf, Dara. I heard what Seunghyun said. He was practically saying it on the phone."

I sighed. "What have you heard on the other line, exactly?"

She took her hands away from me the moment she heard my question. "You tell me."

"Ji Eun..."

"Alright. I heard the dude saying that you should make "your boyfriend", Kwon Jiyong, to shut up." She crossed her arms and glared at me. "You know I'm not stupid."

"Aish, not on my birthday," I almost wailed. "Ji Eun, Seunghyun was just joking. He was just making random statements to annoy me. He knew how much I hate being associated with Jiyong."

Ji Eun raised an eyebrow. "Do you, really?"

I knew deep in my heart that at this point in time all I wanted to was to be by his side, but I can't definitely tell this to her. Should have known that it would end up this way. Why must I make a pact with Ji Eun to destroy someone else's life in the first place? Why must I fall for that someone -- for Jiyong? I've never felt so torn in my life. Either I'd tell her straight about what my true feelings are or blatantly lie to her for the time being.

I must be still intoxicated because I chose the latter. I flat-out lied to her. Screw what happens in the future. All I need now is to have Ji Eun's trust once again.

"Ji Eun," I started, hoping that she'd believe me. "Jiyong and I, we hate each other too much that it's impossible for us to actually be together. I've had you since when, I can't throw away our relationship like that. I'm your best friend. Given that my feelings about him might change --"

"Given that you might like him," Ji Eun interjected, still angry. I sighed.

"Ok, given that I might like him, I'm going to tell you -- you'll be the first to know in the whole world. Hell, I'll quit that damned place if that ever happens. Imma prove to you that our bond is far more important than anything else."

She didn't say anything after that. I didn't say anything either; I already did what I felt was right. It' s up to her if she'll believe me. I'd--

"Dara...?" her voice suddenly drifted me back to reality. It was uncertain, but at the same time hopeful.

"Yes?"

She smiled genuinely and gave me a big hug. "I believe you."

We stayed like that for some time, laughing like little kids; Ji Eun being convinced and me being relieved. For now.

------------------------------------

YG building, November 12th. 7 PM.

"Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday, happy birthday..." I'm with the trainees [my YG sisters, that's how we call each other. Cheesy, I know.], celebrating my birthday for the nth time today. It was supposed to be a "surprise party", according to Han Mina, but too bad Aera spilled the beans and sent me the details unknowingly. Wrong send much.

"Dara," Mina hissed, snapping me out of my reverie. "blow the freakin' candles already."

"Oh!" I gave her an apologetic smile and proceeded with blowing the candles while everyone, including her, cheered. 

"Lets' get the freakin' party started!" Han Mina screamed and started opening the soda bottles while the rest just looked at her, surprised. Han Mina's usually reserved and calm, so seeing her like this was pretty disconcerting. 

"Is she high on drugs?" Bom mouthed at me, a little alarmed. I had to stop myself from laughing the moment she asked that question. Han Mina's just excited to have parties; we've been so busy these past few months.

"Happy birthday Ssandara unnie!" CL raised her soda bottle. "More birthdays to come!"

"Aye, Chaerin unnie," Minji raised her soda bottle in agreement. "more birthday parties with us, too!"

Mina, Bommie, Aera and I raised our bottles in agreement as well. "I hope even after we debut, we'd still get to do this. YG girl trainees for the win!", Aera exclaimed cheerfully.

"For the effin' win!!!" Bom, Mina and I screamed in unison. All of us giggled like crazy afterwards. It would be so damn hard if we end up competing with each other in the future, because all of us were really starting to bond as one group. 

Mina took a huge swig of soda and clapped her hands as she put the bottle down. "Alright, alright! Let's eat and talk, and eat and laugh, and eat some more, drink, be merry! Hell yes we're gonna have fun!" She laughed hard after saying those words. "I'm just so glad the company allowed us to have it here. In the building."

"I know right," Bom replied as she opened a big bag of chips. "So glad the trainers were out, too! I can practically eat this whole bag without worrying about tomorrow's exercise!"

Aera giggled. "So true! I don't wanna be stressed out tonight. None of us have enough money yet...well. So it's nice to have this place."

"Oh, yeah." CL chimed in. "Thanks to Minji-ah, we were able to have this place for free. The charm of being the maknae!"

Minji shrugged. "Sure. I said you unnies wanted to go to a bar and I won't be able to go cause I'm still young. They'd freak if I went with you guys."

Mina laughed. "I could only imagine. Anyway, you were saying a while ago that someone would come? One of Dara's friends...?"

Minji's expression changed a little, like she became uncomfortable all of a sudden. "Um..."

"WE'RE THE GUESTS!!! Ooh, party, party!"

All of us looked at the open door, shocked. 

BIG BANG. Looking every inch like VIPs. As if they entered some osm part place. HELLO. Seunghyun, [the villain of the universe] waved his hands excitedly at us. "Hello, girls!"

"What is he doing here." Mina said, her eyes fixed on Seunghyun. "What are they doing here."

Bom touched Mina's shoulders. She laughed uncomfortably. "Relax. They're nice boys, they won't do anything bad."

Aera clapped her hands excitedly. "OPPAS! So nice of you to come here!"

Mina rolled her eyes at her. "This. is. supposed. to. be. a. girls'. party."

"Oh, stop," Aera replied dismissively. "It's not your birthday anyway. If it's fine by Dara unnie, they can come."

Are they kidding me? It's more than FINE! Jiyong's with them. I don't think anyone noticed, but both of us were already looking at each other the moment they arrived. I bit my lip hard I almost tasted blood. This is so not right, I just made a promise with Ji Eun hours ago. But on the other hand, he looked so hot, as always. Was that his birthday present for me? And I'm actually entertaining weird thoughts about him now! What a difference a crazy night makes. What a fantastic difference. 

"Happy birthday, Daradaradarara," Seunghyun greeted me as he and the others approached the table. He smirked. "I knew you'd be pissed if I came here. That's why I came."

"I wasn't pissed," I answered as a gave him a saccharine smile. "But Mina sure was."

Seunghyun cringed. He looked at Han Mina. "Is that true?"

It was Mina's turn to smirk. "No. Anyway," She stood up all of a sudden. "I'm getting more soda bottles somewhere. Youngbae-sshi, can you go with me? It's quite heavy, I don't think I can carry all of it at once."

"Somewhere?" Aera asked aloud to no one in particular. Awkward silence.

Mina gave her a pointed look. "Yes, somewhere." she then looked at Taeyang, her features softening in an instant. "Youngbae-sshi?"

It was a little dark in the room [with only candles lighting the place] but I could still see how Taeyang blushed. Seems like this wasn't the Han Mina we knew months back. Now I'm really convinced that this one's from Jupiter. Obviously. 

Taeyang stood up and cleared his throat. "Oh, yes. No problem."

We could only look at them as both of them left the room, with Mina going out first with Taeyang following behind.

"So," Jiyong started, never taking his eyes off me. "I can't believe you guys started the party without us."

"We didn't know you'd come," Bom replied. "Minji didn't tell us."

"It's because I was afraid the unnies would get mad!" Minji pouted. "I don't want that to happen."

"Minji-ah! Don't worry, unnies will get mad, but you'd still have us." Daesung said, trying to comfort her. "Big Bang oppas would take care of you."

"Yeah, yes! Oppas won't leave you," Seungri agreed enthusiastically.

Seunghyun laughed at Seungri's expense. "Excited to become oppa much?"

"Nobody cares about what you think, hyung!" Seungri glared at him. "doesn't matter if I'm excited or not."

I laughed along with the others at Seungri's retort. There were hella lot of times when all of us were so awkward with each other, that it's nice to see that we're starting to be on friendly terms and be comfortable with each other's presence.

"Minna unnie and Youngbae oppa sure is taking so long," Aera commented out of the blue. "Where are those soda bottles, anyway?"

Bommie checked the time on her mobile phone. "That's kinda true. Maybe they bought a few more sodas?"

"Oh, let them buy those damned sodas," I replied carelessly. But deep down I knew Mina did that on purpose because she has such a huge crush on Taeyang. LMAO, they'll get by. I hope Youngbae does. 

"Right," Seungri agreed. "Hyung and Mina noona will be alright, so long as they buy some more food!"

"What, why? Are we staying here all night?" Seunghyun said, laughing at his own remark.

"Yes," I answered back, speaking up for Seungri. "Scared because you left your blanket at home?"

Seungri smiled gratefully at me while Seunghyun frowned. Haha, this would be one crazy gathering. I hope!

----------------------

It's way past midnight already, and I think it's safe to say that this night was a blast. We ate, drank, discussed and made fun the most random things in the world. We would have continued doing that for a few more hours but we forgot that Minji was still well, alittle younger than the rest of us so we couldn't literally spend the night here. Nonetheless, I have to say that my first birthday celebration with my YG fam was really worth remembering.

"Unnie!"

I turned around to CL standing in front of me, holding some sort of a small package. I felt my eyes peek into it curiously.

"What is it, CL-roo?"

CL frowned a little as I call her by her pet name. "Well, Ssandara unnie! I found this package lying on the table. It's one of your gifts, I guess." She handed me the brown package while I took it reluctantly. Something doesn't feel right.

The moment I was left alone again, I hastily tore the package open. I almost fainted when I saw what was inside.

It was my black notebook. Goddamit, it really was my black notebook. I frantically scanned the pages, until a small piece of white paper fell from it.

Trembling, I picked it up and tried to read it, only to get the shock of my life yet again. In small, neat handwriting, a message was scrawled:

Happy Birthday. 

Jiyong:

I wasn't really able to talk with her for the rest of her birthday party. It was so damn hard. Every time I would try to talk to her or even get her attention, Seunghyun hyung and Youngbae would give knowing glances and smiles to each other. It was so stupid, they were acting like a bunch of fan girls. I swear if one of them falls into the same boat as I am in the future I won't make their lives any easier. The mood at the party was pretty chill, I mean sure there was awkwardness once in a while but all of us [the trainees and us BB] actually made an effort to connect and bond. Anyway.

I couldn't believe even Seungri and Daesung were able to talk to her privately after the party! I knew I shouldn't be jealous but I couldn't help but clench my fists a little as I looked at them giving their gifts to Dara from afar. This was so not right! When will I get to talk to her alone? 

"I can't believe you're just standing there. Come on man, be like...like a man!" A voice suddenly said behind me. I looked around to see hyung and Youngbae, with huge grins plastered on their faces. They just wouldn't stop!

"Shut up," I murmured, trying to ignore them. Both of them just laughed, and I had to give them a dirty look. "I would have gone there right now if it wasn't for you guys! Ugh. Worst band mates ever."

Hyung and Youngbae feigned hurt when they heard what I said. Hyung placed his right hand on his chest, as if something pierced his heart. "Aw, man. And here we are actually trying to help you with your dilemma!"

"Agreed," Youngbae added. "Hah, tell that to us later when you get to know how we'll be able to help you."

That got my attention, but I'm not into letting my defenses down yet. Something must be wrong with these two. "What help?"

Hyung and Youngbae gave knowing glances to each other once again. Hyung cleared his throat and his features became serious, business-like. "You just go and text Dara to meet you at the YG grounds at the back of the building. You know, the place where you saw me having that impromptu dinner with her?" 

I was dumbfounded with the way he described the place. "Fcuk, you knew?!"

Hyung rolled his eyes. "DUH. I wanted to tell you how stupid you looked back then but we have no time so...just go there. Do your thing, say your I-love-and-adore-you speech, make her swoon with your gifts, and we'll take care of the rest."

I am not comprehending what Hyung was saying. It was so unclear to me that Youngbae had to give more information to help me understand better.

"We set up some wicked lights and all that fancy stuff girls usually find romantic! It's pretty dope, if I may say so myself."

Hyung made a gagging noise. "I just helped with setting up the place, let me clear that stuff now. The idea was all Youngbae's! Just saying so you wouldn't get any weird ideas about me!"

"Says the guy who suggested the song King and Queen of Hearts be played in the background," Youngbae retorted. "You can deny all you want later, hyung, but I've got evidence to show that it was YOU who actually suggested some of the cheesiest ideas ever." 

Hyung glared at him, blushing furiously. He wanted to say something but he just looked at me instead. "Ok, look, whatever. Just go there Jiyong, and make us proud."

I wanted to say something else but hyung and Youngbae hushed me and pushed away so I could get going.

---------------------------------

I've been waiting here for ten minutes already, in the dark. What the hell was that "surprise" hyung and Youngbae were talking about? Would Dara even see me? Hell, would she even come? I tapped my foot nervously as I held on to my gift tighter. I am trusting hyung and Youngbae on this one, they better do something worth spazzing over. 

And then, in the shadows and the soft swishing of the trees, I saw her. Okay, it was dark, but I could still see her. I didn't know if she could see me from afar, but I could feel that she was a little reluctant to go on. I was sitting in one of the farthest benches, waiting for her to walk over me. After a few seconds, I could see her taking her first step.

Lo and behold, the first pair of trees was lighted up by tiny, glittering lights -- they pretty much resembled the stars softly twinkling in the nighttime sky. I was shocked that I stood up immediately. I could see her surprised but delighted face from afar. She took another step and the second pair of trees was lighted; this went on simultaneously as she was walking towards me. Her face was flushed by the time she was standing in front of me. Obviously flattered, amazed and happy by what just happened. 

"Everything looked so beautiful," She gushed, her voice almost in a whisper.

"Happy birthday." It was all I could say at that moment. I wasn't expecting this trees lighting up with every step she took.

She smiled, and her eyes lit with joy when I greeted her. "Thanks. But really, you don't have to do this."

"But I did already. I mean, I just wanted to make your birthday special."

Dara laughed. "My birthday's over. It's almost one o' clock."

"Hmp. Not yet. In other countries that have different time zones, that is."

We just stared at each other after that. What should we do next? I mean, what should I do? She looked so beautiful standing in front of me, and I know it's kinda weird, but I'll just say it for the sake of just saying it.

"Let's dance."

Both of us were shocked -- she said the same thing! We laughed for a few seconds before shyly taking each other's hands. She started swaying the moment she was in my arms.

"I wish there was some music," She whispered softly. "Just like that night we first did this."

"Well, we can just dance in tune of our feelings, of the soft nighttime winds. Doesn't it sound romantic?" 

She laughed again with what I just said. "That's insane, we look crazy dancing here without music,"

I held her closer to me and sighed contentedly. With my eyes closed, I answered back. "Let's not care about the music. Let's dance as the world spins madly on around us."

She didn't say anything else after that. As we were starting to dance without a care in the world, a soothing melody suddenly played in the background. If it wasn't for the seriousness of it all, I would have laughed already -- this was definitely hyung and Youngbae's doing.

Somebody Loved - The Weepies

Rain turns the sand into mud,
Wind turns the trees into bone.
Stars turning high up above,
You turn me into... somebody loved.

As the song was almost ending, I could feel her holding on to me tighter than before. Before I could further think of it, I realized one thing -- she was crying.

She was hastily wiping her tears away when the song was over. "I'm just... I'm just so sorry." She was shaking a little and crying some more. "I'm so sorry."

I felt my heart beating wildly. This wasn't the reaction I was expecting from her. "Dara?"

She sniffed and tried to smile at me. "I'm ok. It's just that, you make me so happy...and..."

"Sandara."

She smiled once again but her tears wouldn't stop falling. "Saranghae."

The world stopped. Or it continued spinning so madly that I couldn't catch up. She did not say it just now.

"Saranghae, Jiyong. I wanted to stop but I can't. Saranghae. Saranghae. Saranghae. That is all I could say, because that is all my heart speaks of about you right this moment. Saranghae."

There she was, with tears in her eyes. Saying that she loves me. Showing that it's all she could do tonight. 

She kept saying it, and it seemed like she was about to fall on the ground just because she couldn't contain herself any longer.

But I captured her just in time. 

"Sarangahe, Jiyong. Saranghae, Jiyong. Saranghae, Jiyong." She was still saying it while she was already back in my arms.

"Hush," I answered back softly. "I love you more."

I could die tonight and be happy.