Please read the A/N at the end of this chapter

Here's to those lonely nights; those cold and bitter lonely nights.

It's been years since those thoughts came back, those thoughts that can break down even the brightest of people. Those thoughts that leave you lying awake at night, in a cold sweat, with no one to talk to.

Amber Liu, now 22 years old and still a member of f(x) (whose popularity is still growing strongly), is happy with her life.

With a loving dog, girlfriend, family and precious friends, whom she absolutely adores, and supports. Every day is like a fairy tale, getting to interact with famous celebrities, being financially stable, having loving and supportive people around her. 

She had a life many would die for.

Sure, most of the time the road was tough, but she got through it and kept smiling and looking towards the future. 

She was finally happy.

But all those things, all those people, those don't have anything to do with those dark, secret thoughts.

The gnawing feelings inside that you're never good enough, that you don't deserve anything you have, that there are others that should have what you do.

Life has a way of doing that to us.

Twisting it's hands around us in a way that we don't suspect to be hurt, sad, betrayed.

And then it strikes, at the perfect moment to hit us where it hurts the most, at our most vulnerable.

"That's life for you" says every person who doesn't understand, who doesn't understand that despite all the things and people you have around you, that you are broken, crushed by the unforgiving grip of life.

And all at once, everything seemed to fall apart for her, the kind and loving Amber Liu.

Scandals broke out, people got hurt, but the truth can't be said, it can never, never be said.

"We'll support you forever!" scream the fans that suddenly become antis after a rumor breaks out, rushing to protect the male idols and their precious abs and appeal, leaving other females to fend for themselves and at a disadvantage in such a cruel world.

"She's so beautiful" turns into "She's such a "

Oh how quickly we can change our opinions of someone.

All around the kind and loving Amber Liu, her friends and loved ones got hurt, betrayed by the very fans that supported them before.

It was shocking to her, the one who came to see the light in many people.

It reminded her how cruel it all is.

How she's virtually powerless against the world.

How she can't truly understand the feelings of those caught up in those cruel rumors.

How she can't stop it, no matter how much she wishes.

How she can't stop the inevitable.

SM Entertainment was under a new CEO, how it was the dawn of a new era, an era that would only bring fame at the price of others.

"Why can't we tell the truth?" a pained whisper emerged from "Why can't we just tell the damn truth?"

A tired, almost sad laugh replied "Even though the world is changing for the better, it's still not ready for the whole truth, who knows if it ever will?"

"What about your dream? What about everyone?"

"My dream? Love, I've been living my dream with you and everyone ever since we realized we were meant to be, even though I'm heartbroken that we can't stand on stage together anymore, for who knows how long, I'm happy I even got the chance to do so all this time".

"Ssul, how you holding up? Want me to beat someone up for you? Make some food? Anything and it's all yours buddy" Amber offered a supportive smile to her young friend.

Sulli only hugged her pillow tighter and pouted "As tempting as that first part sounds, I decided I'm going to be the better person about this, besides, I'm too good for anyone in this dumb industry" a small laugh escaped her lips "I would love some spam masubi right now though"

"Your wish is my command, my dear friend" Amber saluted to the girl and marched into the kitchen.

How powerless women are in this cruel world.

The unfairness is almost ridiculous.

After all the powerful and important women in history, they are still enchained in the unforgiving public eye and opinion.

How ridiculous that in such a momentous time in human history, we are still fighting over equal human rights, when we could be enhancing the living conditions of those less fortunate.

How ridiculous.

It seemed like everyone was moving on, everyone accepted the harsh reality and unfairness of it all, just like they are supposed to do.

Amber Liu couldn't go back to thinking like that again; that life was unfair and unforgiving, after all the acceptance and love she found.

But no one is free from those cold, cruel hands.

Not in the dark.

Not when we're alone with our thoughts.

What a cruel joke this life is.

A/N: okokok

the next chapter is shorter, and kinda repetitive, but in lieu of everything that has happened, these two chapters are what came out: every little story, every little tidbit, everything is inspired by real life events, whether they happened to me, or someone I know and I might not portray them perfectly, as I am not a professional writer, in fact, I may never even get close to the level of one. But this is how a little idea goes about in my head; how these words formulate themselves into proper sentences some of you enjoy, I am clueless.

I can't force writing. I can't force feeling. I can however, try my best, and so as always, thank you, for your support, patience and for just dealing with this whole story (and all my others).

What would you guys like to see as the final chapter for this story? Do you have any wishes, any certain way you want this to end? What would be the best goodbye this story can give?

tl;dr:: I am honestly very sad about everything that has happened in the kpop industry the past few years, but I'd like to finish all these stories, for you guys and your endless love and support.

(sorry I'm so sappy and ridiculous v x v)