Chapter 23: One Shot

It was kind of like...a dream. Everything we used to have together. Even though my dream was a reality just over a month ago, it seemed like it never happened, and that everything was a figment of my imagination - the kisses that we shared, the memories that we had, the emotions we felt, the experiences we had, the love that was once shown between us - as if it never happened.

I sat in the dressing area of my closet, sitting at my dressing table, looking through some pictures Taeyeon and I had taken together.

I smiled at one particular photo, where I was holding my Totoro and she was holding one of her beloved dukongs, both of us making frowning faces into the camera. I chuckled. She was just too cute. It hurt though, looking back at these photos of us, together.

In some ways I wished I had never fallen for her, maybe then I wouldn’t be so broken now. But in other ways I never wanted to forget. I wanted to hold onto every second we ever shared together, even though my heart would just break over and over again just thinking about it.

At least now, I had Siwon. He had been a huge help lately. Always texting and calling me, making sure I was okay. Being the attentive boyfriend like when we first started dating. He kept my mind off of her for a short while, but even when I was with him, I didn’t get that same spark I did with Taeyeon.

I slowly made my way out of the closet, still scrolling through the pictures on my phone. I slowly made my way down the stairs, concentrating on my mobile.

I felt someone else’s presence in the room. I peeled my eyes away from the screen and looked up.

At first happiness overwhelmed me, realising that she wasn’t just a dream or a figment of imagination, but real. It then struck me that all the pain, frustration and anger were also real. That everything I had ever felt for her was real - love, concern, fondness. Everything came flooding back over me, like a tidal wave.

I couldn’t read her expression. Hurt? Confusion? Anger?

I couldn’t tell. I never could. Even when we were together, she had a talent to make me believe that everything would be fine, especially if it was with her.

She started to walk towards me cautiously, unsure of how I would react.

We stood there, in tense silence. Staring at each other. Trying to figure out what the other one was thinking.

She opened and began a sentence that I never let her finish. Like my hand had a mind of its own, I slapped her, hard, across the cheek.  The impact made a sound that seemed to echo throughout the whole entire room.

She had her head down, as she covered her reddened cheek with her hand.

I felt guilty. How could I hurt someone that I loved so much? I wanted to take it back, but it was too late. I wanted to hug her and tell her I was sorry, but I had to stay strong.  She should be the one that’s sorry for leaving without reason. All of this was making me doubt her love for me.

She looked back up at me. Tears of anger and frustration began to brim my eyes, but I fought them back.

“I’m sorry.” She said quietly.

I stared at her in disbelief. “Sorry? That’s all you have to say?” I asked angrily.

She looked back down to the ground, avoiding eye contact with me.

“You left me, Taeyeon, for a whole month. I had no idea where you were, why you left or who you were with. You didn’t even bother to call.” I said quietly, because if I yelled my tears might fall. I didn’t want to seem weak in front of her. She kept her head down.  “What did you expect? That you’d come back here, apologize and everything would be back to normal? That I’d just take you back? Well, it just doesn’t work that way.” I said harshly.

She still didn’t reply. I was getting frustrated

“Answer me!” I yelled. I couldn’t take it anymore

“What do you want me to do, Tiffany? Do you think I’m proud of what I did?” She yelled back suddenly.

I was a little taken aback.  How cou