Title: The Twins

Author: Kpoplover94

Reviewer: --CherryPie

Title: (4/5)

I've to say that this is not the most eye-catching or intriguing title. However, this is a title that I don't come across much on AFF. Your title did hinted at what the plot is going to be about and thus, there is a strong link between the title and your story. It draws a fair amount of interest from your readers as well! 

Description and Foreword: (7/10)

To be honest with you, your description and foreword were plain and dull. I was pleasantly surprised by your description though, as it proved to be an interesting piece to read about. However, there were too much information. I feel that you gave away too much of your story, and so I find your story predictable after reading your description. Moving on to the characters profiles, I do like how you keep it relatively short and simple. 

The foreword consists mainly of your author’s note and three sentences. That isn't appealing at all. It wasn’t something that would make me subscribe to your story or read on. Perhaps, add an extract or a prologue without giving too much information away. In this way, your readers would be more excited over your story. On a side note, I like your trailer. It was definitely a great way to promote the story. 

Originality of Plot: (15/20)

The plot wasn’t cliché (which was great), however, it wasn’t something that would hook me. This is because it was a plot that was quite predictable. There were no twists in your story; nothing unexpected. I'm sorry to say this but if a reader knows exactly what's going to happen next, what's the point of reading the story?

To start off with, your first chapter was fairly short and I can understand that since first chapter are always hard to write about. It was like a filler chapter and I wish it would have been more of a cliff-hanger than a filler because the first chapter is where readers decide whether they want to continue reading the story or not and filler chapters aren’t exactly the best way of persuading them to do so.

For a horror or thriller story, the plot ideas weren’t the scariest ones because these were quite common in horror stories. Sehun was captured by the ghost and Sera went to rescue and they both ended up surviving; looking at this idea, it would have turn into a great one if you had prolonged it because then it would increase the intensity and made the readers more curious.

Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation, Spelling): (13/25)

Your mechanics were really weak probably because of your structure as well as your grammar. I understand that you wish to highlight the characters' emotions by capitalizing the words in their dialouges but this is a big no-no in writing. If you wish to express how shocked or angry your characters are, describe. For example, their facial expressions or their actions. 

Example: “SEHUN!!!!!!!!!” “SERAAAAAA!”

Never, never include two dialouges from different characters in one paragraph. You'll confuse your readers as to who is the one speaking in your story. I'd suggest you to indicate who are the speakers. 

Example: “OH MY CHILD~!”

In writing, we don't usually use '~' and don't capitalize all the letters in your dialouges.

Suggestion: “Oh, my child!”

Example: All of Sera and Sehun’s classmates apologised because tried to separate both of them before.

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