Title: Story of Scent

Author: BeeCassiopeia

Reviewer: -Kaara

Title: (1/5)   At first glance, I couldn't really grasp the meaning of your title. It sounded wrong, like an inappropriate use of wordings. I wonder how other readers would react to the title, for it bears no actual understanding to the readers' behalf. I, for one did not get pulled into the story just by the title. It kept rolling in my tongue as I tried to sort out what you really wanted to imply, but I couldn't come up with anything just by judging your headline.   As I read through the chapters, I understood why you used that particular title, but I fear it has a small misconception to it. If you test the headline out a lot of times, then you must realize that something is amiss somewhere along the wordings. 'Story of Scent' portrays the silent struggles of Jaejoong to overcome the unbearable emotions from his painful breakup with Yunho— I can understand that bit. However, I just couldn't really see the sense in using that title for the interested readers to judge.    Maybe, if you used 'Of Orange Blossom Scents', it acts as a romantic front for the audience to get enticed; the quality of the title indicates just how much of an experienced writer you are. In the story, Yunho is described as having a 'citrus, orange blossom scent' so use that to your advantage! Instead of the old title that produces no magnetism at all, you should try other alternatives.   You must always remember that titles are crucial in pulling interested readers to your story. The more creative you are with your titles, the more readers would love to explore your story and adore your writing.   Description and Foreword: (5/10)   I really have to give you a round of applause for the Description. It was beautifully made and it prompted me to read on and find out just what it really revolved around. However, you could have added 'an' at the beginning of the sentence because starting it just like how you initially did felt a bit off. On a side note, it was ridiculously short for my taste.   For me, I am the type to favour long, meaningful descriptions that do not reveal as much as they need to. But yours just managed to capture my whole attention even if it was short— it had the attraction factor to it that make readers want to further indulge themselves in your story. You really did a great job on this!    There won't be any marks allocated for the Foreword as you did not post one.   Originality of Plot: (17/20)   I can't say that I haven't stumbled across similar genres and story plots such s yours, but I must say that you did a brilliant job in narrating one that seems quite unique. It was almost written for a perfect score but given that it is a two-chaptered oneshot, then I have no right to say how it had a few loopholes and such.   Nevertheless, I find your story a bit too cliched as it not only did not have a certain depth and feel in it, but it was also predictable. I apologize but I feel that way with your story. The storyline seemed to have been planned meticulously and I respect that for it was quite breathtaking how Jaejoong partially wanted Yunho back and wanted to forget him all the same. The only problem was your lack of inner thoughts. I know that some might disagree on me with this— you've described Jaejoong's heartache through your lovely elaboration and that is a keeper— but it wasn't much. To me, if someone was in such a situation, then the writer should expand their horizons; talk about all his inner desires in words that would really make your readers want to really pity and cry for the character.    That aside, I admired how you took the readers back in time to how Jaejoong met Yunho, for that was an important key to a great plot line. It helped the readers to further understand how intimate they have gotten until the terrible breakup ensued.   

Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation, Spelling): (14/25)

Now, when I saw that you hired a beta reader to fix any possible errors in your story, I didn't think she or he did a good job and I really thought that you have wasted your time to take in such a person. Forgive me for saying that but to my understanding, beta readers are supposed to correct any wrong grammar mistakes in your story but I was quite annoyed to find many that had me glaring holes into the screen.   Some of the tenses were off, others just the inconsistency of wordings, spellings and lack of vocabulary. There were too much to count but I managed to scoop up some that really had me re-read the sentence again to try and understand it before realizing how wrong everything is:
  Original: The screen lightens and an envelope icon jumped up and down indicating a new SMS Suggestion: The screen alights and an envelope icon jumped up and down, indicating a new SMS   Original: Your hand reaches over at your left for the spare pillow... Suggestion: Your hand reaches over to your left for the spare pillow...   Original: You loudly cursed yourself for been tricked by the ever changing weather yet again Suggestion: You loudly cursed yourself for having been t