Title: Lock On

Author: GreenALiveTnS

Reviewer: Kakurine039

Title: (3/5) This would be a fifty-fifty chance for me. The title definitely catches my attention, but at the same time it’s not enough to actually get me to click and read the story. I didn’t really see a link between the title and the story, but it’s too early to tell anyway. I’m fine with titles that aren’t completely linked to the plot, but if there’s no significance in the title, then it needs to at least be eye-catching.   Description and Foreword: (7/10) The description is short and straight to the point. My only complaint is that it’s boring. It sounds like any other, typical stories on AFF. According to your story tags, this is a fantasy fic. Your description gives no indication that there is a fantasy element to the story. I like it when an author keeps their readers guessing and hanging, not letting them know about anything that is going to happen till it actually does, but in your case, I think you need to hint at something, at least, because, like I said, your description is boring. And the description/foreword is the first thing readers are going to read, besides the title.   The foreword reminded me of a line from one of Shakespeare’s plays, Romeo and Juliet and Macbeth.   Originality of Plot: (10/20) This is the first time I’ve come across a story with the pairing of Chunji and Suzy. An unique couple, I'd say. Anyway, your plot has barely been revealed. I can’t really say if your story is original or not yet, but from what I read, definitely a no so far. But with the way you ended your latest updated chapter, something big was about to happen. I’m assuming Chunji is about to be introduced?   I strongly suggest you either finish your story or you develop the plot (at least until after the ) before asking for another review. That way you can actually get real feedback in this section.   Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation, Spelling): (15/25) Your grammar and punctuation is just alright. You have a standard vocabulary –which isn’t bad. And your spelling is perfect. Here are some mistakes I found:   Chapter One – There was a girl standing in front of her bedroom window and was dressed in her school uniform. Suggestion – There was a girl standing in front of her bedroom window dressed in her school uniform. You have excess words. ‘And was’ is not necessary.   Chapter One – A single tear trickled from her beautiful eyes, she missed