Title: The Wrong Love Story

Author: Himalayancat

Reviewer: Royalblueblood

Title: (2/5)

The title wasn't a turn-off, but it wasn't really a hook, either. Nothing special; just typically common. If I had looked only at the title of the story, I'd have thought it was more of a romantic comedy. Simply put, the mood of the title just didn't fit in right with your story. The problem lies in your choice of words. I feel that the fluffliness in 'Love Story' overshadows (or contradicts) the negative feeling associated with 'Wrong' in your title. You definitely need something more impactful to represent the deep melancholy in your story.

Description and Foreword: (8/10)

Your description was decent; no major mistakes in your spelling or tenses. But as mentioned earlier, the main problem lies in your choice of words. You've the tendency of using two words that neuter each other, which results in the wrong mood being set up. 

Example: Seo Joohyun is your typical Mary Sue-ish perfect heroine. 

A Mary Sue, in literary criticism and particularly in fan fiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfillment fantasy for the author or reader - 

I understand your intended message behind this sentence but I find it absurd when you use the word 'typical' together with 'Mary Sue'. It just doesn't make sense. 

Moving on, I absolutely love your foreword. There are only two lines but they speak alot for your story. One, you let your readers catch a small glimpse of the plot. It's an effective hook that brings your readers to continue the story. Two, I love how you showed your intended writing style by making use of the narrator's voice to tell the story. If I've come across your foreword, I'd definitely give this story a shot!

Originality of Plot: (16/20)

It's not exactly an original plot, since it's quite common to write about an unrequited love. The plot was dramatic, yet realistic. However, the way you presented the plot is indeed refreshing, with Seohyun switching from the protagonist to the antagonist as the story progresses. In addition, it's rare to see a third-party as the main lead of a story. I thought that was commendable! 

Even though you've intended to write an one-shot, I thought that a chaptered story would fit in better for this plot. Personally, I feel that flashbacks wouldn't work well for one-shots, especially if you're switching back and fro. From what I've read so far, the plot is rather well-developed. I find Kai's friendship with Seohyun to be mysterious, because Kai's role is rather ambiguous. Nothing much has been said about him, but that's what makes your story beautiful! I'm definitely hoping for a development between them though.

The only pet peeve I've is the relationship between Chanyeol and Hyoyeon. Why not give them a chance to shine as well? Focusing solely on Seohyun throughout the story may make your story seem mundane or dull at some point of time. You need to divert the attention of your readers from Seohyun, so give these side characters the spot-light too!

Mechanics (Vocabulary, Grammar, Punctuation, and Spelling): (18/25)

In general, your mechanics were fine. And you presented the story with a decent range of vocabulary. No persistent mistakes throughout except for the lack of punctuations (like hypens, commas) in long sentences. 

1. Use a comma to separate the elements in a series

2. Use a comma and a conjunction (and, but, for, nor, yet, or, so) to connect two independent clauses

3. Use a comma to set off introductory elements

4. Use a comma to set off parenthetical elements

5. Use a comma to separate coordinate adjectives

Original: A pale girl with long silky black tresses graces through the almost empty hallway. With her doe-like eyes, small pointy nose, smooth jawline, and rosy lips she is almost ethereal.

Suggestion: A pale girl, with long, silky-black treeses, graces through the almost-empty hallway. With her doe-like eyes, small pointy nose, smooth jawline, and rosy lips, she is almost ethereal. 

Original: However, her steps are halted when she heard a deep voice caling for her attention.

Suggestion: However, her steps are halted when she hears a deep voice, calling for her attention.

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