Title: ideal (troublemakers)

Author: Heartsparks

Reviewer: Royalblueblood

Title: (4/5)

First of all, the title did arouse interest from me (as a reader) because I really like the use of brackets here. It gave off a very LJ-ish feel. The bracket present actually makes your title kind of open to interpretations.   It can actually stand alone as either 'ideal' or 'ideal troublemakers'. The two words are indeed very appropriate to your plot. One could easily link it up as two troublemakers matching well together, or perhaps, exactly like the story plot, troublemakers messing with others' ideals too. This is entirely relevant to your story and the link between your title and the story plot was amusingly interesting.    The title isn't exactly clichéd or boring, but unfortunately, I'd not have clicked on the story if I were scrolling past pages of fanfictions. 'Ideal' and 'Troublemakers' just doesn't go well together. 'Ideal' gives off a very pleasant feeling while 'Troublemakers' instantly draws me to mischievious, up-to-no-good guys so the two words were kind of mismatched.   Description and Foreword: (8/10)   Personally, I like descriptions which are kept simple because it allows readers to imagine and guess what the whole story is is all about. It's only one line long and that definitely draws the readers into finding out what their ideal types are and why they don't exist in reality. However, if I were to nitpick on your description, the sentence structure could still be improved further.     Original: Because their ideal types don't belong to reality.  Suggestion: Because their ideal types don't exist in reality.    Similar to your description, your foreword was presented in a clean and straight-to-the-point manner. I appreciated how you included a line to separate your A/N (or personal message) from the story. It would definitely be better if you could decrease the font size so as to not detract your readers from your main plot.    Originality of Plot: (18/20)   The plot was realistic - the characters' emotions and responses felt very realistic. And it almost seemed like something the members (especially the playful ones) would actually try doing. Afterall, I've always believed that the members love (and would never stop) pranking each other. As fans, we'll never know what they're really doing within the four walls of their dorm.    To be honest, I really love the boy group - Infinite. Seeing this story that revolved around their ideal types was entirely refreshing. It started off with a real beginning - how Sungyeol and Sungjong were going to perform Troublemakers together. Then, it evolved to a whole story plot whereby there were a mastermind and an accomplice to carry out a motive. Everything sounded possible especially how you backed the story out with the last chapter.   As subtle as it is, I absolutely loved how you incorporated your own thoughts (be it as a fan or a third party) inside the story. There was clearly an inner voice in your story. And that was already enough to make your story plot original.   

Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation and Spelling): (18/25)

I felt that the use of Mechanics weren't much of an issue for you, except that you tend to be careless in your writing. There were cases of mispellings and inconsistent use in the tenses as well, which I thought were rather minor, and that could be easily corrected by re-reading what you've previously written. 

 

Original: "... surely you can pull Hyuna better than Myungsoo does."

Suggestion: "... surely you can pull off Hyuna better than Myungsoo does."

 

Original: A game where the others would certainly loose, and he, Sungjong would win.

Suggestion: A game where the others would certainly lose, and he, Sungjong would win.

 

Original: ... So Sunggyu expected more than ten persons to collaspse during ... 

Suggestion: ... So Sunggyu expected more than ten people (or fans) to collaspse during ... 

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