Title: Fettered By Time

Author: Deliberatemistake 

Reviewer: XiaoZhen

Title: (3/5)

For one, I don’t really agree with the use of the word ‘fettered’ in the title. It’s not really a common word to use, and seeing that most of the readers in AFF are non-native English speakers, it might be confusing. Other simple words like ‘restrained’ or ‘chained’ or any other synonyms would have been fine. Another thing is your grammar. Do take note that prepositions such as ‘by’ should not be capitalized in titles. As such, it should be ‘Fettered by Time’.

Description and Foreword: (3/10)

Your description and foreword were almost close to none. Though it is merely an one-shot, you still need to include something more. The description was quite intriguing. I understand that you were trying to create a suspense and an impact on your readers. However, there seemed to be a little problem with the sentence structure. I suggest you to change the word ‘you’. Try using ‘everyone’ or ‘people’. Using ‘you’ will make people think that it was an interactive or ‘you’ story, and it can be really misleading at times.

Suggestion: People don’t control time, and Myungsoo overlooked that one, small fact - Time controls people. 

I'd always advise writers to put at least an extract of the story in their foreword; something like what’s written on the back of a book. Now, while one-shot is already short enough, it doesn’t mean that you can’t do so. I'm not asking for a summary, just a simple paragraph or a short section of the story would do. It effectively allows your readers to catch a glimpse of your story. And after which, you may dwell further on your author’s note, contest details and credits links. Try to put those in a smaller font next time. Keep this in mind. Would you want your readers to focus on your story or your author’s note?

Originality of Plot: (10/20)

Sadly, I’m not able to say that this is an original plot. The concept of time manipulation has already been done numerous times, not just in fanfictions. So, it’s nothing new to me and I can already roughly guess what was going to happen in your story. When concerning typical plot like yours, in order to make it your own, it is better to further develop the story. Dwell on the characters, their emotions, and the complications in between. Your one shot supposedly is a sad story since it ended rather badly, but it didn’t move me one bit, because the romance invoved happened only in the last one-third of the story.

There are few plot holes. First, we'll look at Myungsoo’s ability. He only had the ability to pause time, not stop it entirely since time has to start again from where he stopped. Next is the concept of infinity and eternal. Logically speaking, if Myungsoo were to freeze time, everyone else became stagnant while he kept on living. With that logic, isn’t he supposed to age older than everyone else? I think it'd be interesting if you could elaborate more on this concept.

Next, we'll move on to the romance section. This is an one-shot. I think you had the intention of making the ending heart-breaking, but it doesn’t grab me because you didn’t manage to elaborate on Myungsoo and Sungjong’s relationship. You spent more than half on explaining the concept of time rather than the romance in it. It’s up to your choice which end you wish to focus on, but with your division, the story doesn’t grab the readers like it could have. 

There was also the mystery between Sungjong and Sungyeol. For example, how did they gain their powers, the origins, why they only showed up years after, their motives, etc. These are nothing major but I'm certain if you'd addressed them, it'd make your story much more original and fascinating. Even though this is an one-shot, typically a short story, I would not suggest you to brush them off. You can still develop these points and build on your story.  

And lastly, I wish to touch on your genre placement. It’s not really a fantasy story since you didn’t create an entirely separate fantasy world. Other than that, it only focuses on time manipulation, so this is more of a story involving superpowers. It’s classified more as fiction as compared to fantasy fiction.

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