Title: Requiem for the Reckless

Author: ElleJacobs

Reviewer: Royalblueblood

Title: (4/5)

The title is beautiful. Impactful and dramatic, it was entirely relevant to your story.    However, I wouldn't refer it as eye-catching or striking. One, it is over-sophisticated. Targeting only a certain group of readers isn't exactly the best choice if you'd want to draw in a large pool of attention first before they decide to continue reading it or not. Two, your title was similar to an American drama, 'Requiem for a Dream' but yours became pale in comparison to it. The 'R's in the first and last word of your title made it seemingly poetic, yet at the same time, unfavourable. Perhaps, another word (instead of Reckless) would have made a better choice.    With that said, the title evokes the feelings of angst and drama. And undoubtedly, it left a deep impression in me. As a reader, would I click on the story and give it a chance? Certainly, I would.    Description and Foreword: (7/10)   The description wasn't very well-crafted, with careless mistakes along the way. Instead of simply writing the number, spelling it out would be better. The phrasings of the sentences were slightly awkward as well, especially 'paths cross through their own personal journeys' which I didn't quite get what you were driving at.    Original: Struggling to understand the meaning of love, loss, family and friendship as relationships are tested, built and destroyed.  Suggestion: The characters (or they) struggle to understand the meanings of love, loss, family and friendship as relationships are bulit, tested and destroyed.    On the contrary, your foreword was detailed. I liked how you described the problems each of your characters were facing in the story. It gave your readers a glmpse of your story, what exactly to expect and where it was going. Same issues as your description, there seemed to be some gramatical errors which I thought could be easily fixed (if you keep a lookout for them).    Original: Someone who I have an unspoken bond ... that he's begun to ...  Suggestion: Someone whom I have an unspoken bond ... that he he has begun to ...    Original: Someone who I once knew better ...  Suggestion: Someone whom I once knew better ...    Original: The six of us ... still seem to find our way into each others lives.  Suggestion: The six of us ... still seem to find our ways into each others' lives.   Original: ... to heal each others wounds and ... Suggestion: ... to heal each others' wounds and ...    A minor thing I noticed was the overuse of Ellipsis, which I personally feel that 'comma' would have set and fitted in better, and less awkwardly.   Originality of Plot: (14/20)   The genre of abuse was intricately weaved together with the idea of trust. This had often been a common topic or theme in AFF's stories but I found yours realistic and nothing too over. I was relieved that Min wasn't the typical, weak girl, though she didn't exactly stand up for herself in such situation. She was caught in between her family and her father's abuse. She suffered rather silently, yet didn't run away when the chance came. I think you managed to pull off her dilemma well.      Putting aside the core of the plot, the romance between Yongguk and Min was nothing uncommon. After Min's heartbreak, she met him and began to fall for him. Then, they broke up because of an incident and finally after a major accident, they realized their love for each other. I've read such story plot before. In fact, the romance between the two was cliché.    The real plot wasn't exactly revealed yet and that is where the dark secret lies. I thought it was an effective hook to keep your readers waiting and wanting to read more about the story and characters.  

Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation and Spelling): (13/25)

Disappointingly, I wasn't able to give this section a high score. Persistent mistakes were clearly apparent throughout the two chapters. There were many grammatical errors here and there, misuse and lack of punctuations everywhere. There is a need for you to re-read your chapters and improved on your use of mechanices. I'm not going to point out all of your mistakes, but below are a few you might want to take into suggestion. 

 

Original: Laughing darkly the man turned away from me. 

Suggestion: Laughing darkly, the man turned away from me.

 

Original: As soon as I heard the door to his room slam shut I knew he would be passing out soon enough, drunk from all of the booze.

Suggestion: As soon as I heard the door of his room slammed-shut, I knew he would be passing out and drunk from all of the booze. 

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