♚ YongOppa | Cursed
♚ ARTS OF ROYALTY — reviews & graphics!
Title: Cursed
Author: YongOppa
Reviewer: Royalblueblood
Title: (3/5)
An one-worded title is a double-edged sword. In favourable situations, they'd genearate sophistication and suspense (or mystery), which is often the power of simplicity. This, unfortunately, turns out to be on the plain side. It's a little generic-looking so I've no obvious inclination towards the title at all. Perhaps, try to come up with something that's more ambiguous (less obvious) or thought-provoking.
Description and Foreword: (6/10)
Your description is actually quite good; it sets up the scene well - describing what your main leads (Taeyeon, Kris) would face in the story - without going into too much details. Other than the mistake in spelling 'conspiracy', I thought that the text colour as well as the extra-large font size were unneccessary and distracting. Honestly, I doubt I'd give the story a shot because they made your story less 'attractive'.
The foreword was where I deducted most points. Or rather, it was for the lack of proper foreward which I deducted the points. Credits are fine to remain there, but I'd actually suggest putting them in a smaller text size since it's the plot (or characters) you wish your readers would focus on more. However, your foreword was almost close to nothing. I'd advise that at least a few lines (or an exerpt from your story), showcasing your intended writing style or plot should be included in this section. My suggestion would be to take out the first paragraph (In my dreams...) of chapter one and place it under the foreword section, providing a good prolouge to your story.
Originality of Plot: (9/20)
As we're only four chapters into the story, it's kind of hard to give a definite mark on the originality of the plot. However, from what I've read so far, the plot of having a were-wolf (as the main character) is very, very common. Either you give Taeyeon distinctive characteristics (think of how she can stand out) or set up different, original scenes for your characters.
Another main issue was your plot holes. For instance, you attempted to describe Taeyeon's split personalities in chapter two. However, I didn't figure it out until you explained in your A/N. She fell to the ground after being hit by the rocks and then in the next chapter, she walked for a very long time. And if she was only haunted in her nightmares, shouldn't she wake up from it? The transition between your chapters was way too awkward. You need a link to connect the chapters together.
On top of that, I found the plot of your story to be under-developed. You missed out on the three essentials (, Conflicts, Crisis) in writing. You've indeed set up the beginning well, but other than that, I can't find anything else in your story. Basically, your plot lacks of development and originality. Keep in mind the 3Cs while you're writing, because they make up the fundamentals in a story structure.
Mechanics (Grammar, Vocabulary, Punctuation, Spelling): (13/25)
There were many recurring errors in your writing. Common mistakes include misspelled words like shame, my, bushes, making, climbed, lifted, closer etc. As a writer, you're responsible for your writing; you need to proof-read what you've written. The easiest way is to write on Word Document and mistakes would either be auto-corrected for you or at least brought to your awareness and then you correct it.
Another issue was the use of inappropriate prepositions (in, at, on, etc) in your writing.
Example: I went at a run ...
Suggestion: I went for a run ...
Example: I rubbed at the goose bumps on my bare forearms ...
Suggestion: I rubbed the goosebumps on my bare forearms ...
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