“You freaking idiot!” Lee Joone muttered under her breath as she stands beside him waiting for his sister to make it back down the aisle towards the car. It is the end of the wedding reception, the moment when Won Bin must be actually feeling down and empty since from this moment, he will be left out at home, but no. Instead, he’s smiling happily, feeling as though he just won a world. Or maybe he has won a world! Lee Joone, she’s his everything, she means a world to him; and now that he has finally owned her, he has won a world, and nothing else matters.

The sun which was shining brightly few hours ago has now approached the western sky, bringing the evening along as it goes and the retrieving sunlight is making rainbows against the jewels that the women at the occasion are wearing, he too, sees the kitty pendant shining against her creamy white skin. The shine reaches her face, brightens her smile even more, and the sight of her is just simply breathtaking. He lets out a happy sigh and looks ahead. He can’t do this at this moment, he can’t risk it being noted by his parents, afterwards, when they’re alone, he will have plenty of time to stare at her.

“You shouldn’t have made a silly lie like that! Freaking idiot!” Lee Joone says again, still smiling, still, hiding in the soft silkness of her dress, holding his hand. “I told you, you should have simply told me!”

Won Bin squeezes her hand lightly. “You’re even more of an idiot Joonie, I tried to tell you, you always refused…”

She lets out a sigh. “Mianne…but I…I never…thought…”

“And thank you for ruining this one too…” He says, sensing what she might say next, which is obviously ‘I never thought it was me’, She has been saying the same thing over and over again for the past few hours, and he’s not going to hear it again. What he just said immediately catches her attention.

“Mwo?” She asks, surprise filling her eyes. Won Bin smiles. “Confessing  to you…how it just happened was not how I planned it…you just ruined my plans…”

Lee Joone smiles shyly and looks down at her feet. “You…planned it? I never knew…Miannhada….”

He shakes his head. “Ani…gwenchana…Well, when  Jae Jin said you left….I couldn’t think of anything else…I was so worried…”

“I’m so sorry…I was so upset too…”

Won Bin mildly rubbed her hand with his thumb. “Ara…that’s why I did it…I wasn’t going to break the promise I made…”

Lee Joone lets out a small laugh. “Now when I come to think of it, it’s funny! I’ve been helping you to confess to me! How stupid!”

He too, lets out a laugh. “And I’ve been hiding you from you, how stupid!”

“So that’s why you never mentioned a name”

Won Bin nods. “Yeah…well, I didn’t want it to be…an awkward…confession…since it’s my first time…”

Lee Joone’s silent for a moment, and slowly, answers. “..and I ruined it….Sorry…” She lifts her head and faces him. “So…what have you…planned?”

He clears his throat, watching the impatient crowd around him and looks down at his feet. “well….I…”

Suddenly she holds up her hand. “Chakkaman…we’ll do like this”

He raises his eyebrows. “Like what?”

She smiles. “Lets pretend you didn’t confess…we’ll do as you planned”

Won Bin’s laughs slightly. “You have such ideas!”

“But seriously Won Bin! The plans can’t go on waste!”

Won Bin just laughs at her cuteness and tightens his grip around her hand as he sees a glimpse of his sister coming out back on to the stage.

“Let’s go and stay with Jae Jin”

 

 

And soon he find himself, still, hand in hand with her, watching it happily as his sister walked to the car hand in hand with her newly wedded husband. She looks really pretty…beautiful, yes, that’s how he shall put it, she’s a lot more beautiful than he imagined, and a lot happier than he remember her being the past few days. She’s glowing, her smile never seems to leave her face and every now and then, he has seen her glancing at his holding Lee Joone’s  hand , he saw her smile appraisingly. She has accepted them, unlike his parents ever will, she has accepted them together. He knows what her smile means, and that’s enough for his mere satisfaction.

The four of them are in the front line, but for the moment, Won Bin had to switch Lee Joone’s position with Mi-Yeon’s so that she will be with Jae Jin, he doesn’t want to make anything too obvious, the glares and sideway glances of his parents are inevitable, and Hyun-A insisted on standing with him. Before he moved away, he assured Lee Joone that everything will be alright, and now as he slightly glances at her, it seems that she’s still hanging onto believing it.

She stands between Jae Jin and Mi-Yeon, smiling as beautifully as she always does, as if to assure him that she’s alright, her mere smile lets him turn finally turn away with relief. As long as the smile remains on her lips, he can live through anything.

“You seem pretty occupied today” Hyun-A mutters from beside him, he immediately turns to her.

“Mwo?”

Staring only ahead, watching his sister walking towards the car, Hyun-A begins to run a hand on his arm.

“Is there…something going on…?You’ve been pretty strange the past few days…”

He swallows hard and let out a small laugh. “Strange? How strange?”

“Strange…like…you don’t love…me…anymore…”

Won Bin turns to her and smiles heartlessly. “I love you and don’t you worry”

Hyun-A returns a smile. “That sounds better….I wish you could say that all the time…”

“No problem” He says with a smile and looks ahead. But deep inside, he knows he won’t say it anymore.

When Yoo Bin is by the car, the crowd gathered around begins to cheer. Won Bin does too, wishing his sister for a happy married life, but deep inside, he has a flick of sadness though he didn’t expect it. Here he is, watching his life-long partnership leaving him behind. True, she will always be with him, visit him as many times as she can manage, but the relationship between them will never be the same. Before she got engaged, the two of them did everything together. There have been many times when he crawled into her bed when things were going bad, and she would cuddle him tight and hum slowly until he would fall asleep. She has been always there for him, hold him and make him feel better, one of the many reasons why he never expected comfort from his parents, he never had to because he knew that she would always give him what he needs.
But not anymore…

At this very moment, what he’s seeing is his sister leaving him behind, entering a life which he has only a little to be with whereas before she met her husband, Won Bin was her everything. She wasn’t only a sister for him, she was his best friend, a good mother as long as his mother isn’t being a mother for him and sometimes a girlfriend, a very faithful one who will listen to him and comfort him, commenting him unnecessarily all the same, and now, she’s leaving him. He’s sure he will miss them all for a while…And that’s why he will need someone to lean on, a faithful companion.

He sees her raising her hand in the air, throwing her bouquet of white orchids towards the gathered crowd. Although it’s unusual for Korean weddings, his Noona always fantasized doing it, she always wanted to, and it even makes him laugh, seeing her actually doing it. What will his mum say to her afterwards?

Surprised by the flower bouquet which is thrown into the air, all the girls in the crowd raise their hands and scream so hard, Won Bin can’t help laughing at their feminine instincts, soon the scream dies when the bouquet has landed in somebody’s hand.

Then he sees his moment to say goodbye.

Without wasting any more time, he makes his way through towards the car as fast as he could, and without even thinking anymore, he runs both his hands around his sister and hugs her close. For a moment, his heart gives him light pains. Today onwards, things will never be the same again, today onwards, the relationship he had with her will be completely different…

“I’m going to miss you like hell…” He mutters into her ear through her veil, he feels her running both her hands around him, her voice breaks as she speaks.

“I will miss you too sweetie…Take good care of yourself…don’t do anything stupid okay?”

He nods and hugs her closer. “I won’t…I promise…”

“And take care of Joonie too...Okay?” She says after a while. He nods in response. “Over my life, I will…”

Slowly, she pulls away. Won Bin steps back with a smile and watches her wiping her tears.

“Hey hey, Gwenchana…” He mutters, she serves him with a smile. He steps away when his parents approach them, and soon when both of them hug her close, he feels a flick of envy. He can’t remember the last time he got hugged the same way…maybe he will be, one day, when he gets married…

The next thing he knows is watching her go. He lets out a long sigh, standing between his parents after a long time. His mother is sobbing next to him, he’s seeing this too, after a long time, and so is he seeing his father’s slight smile. The next time he will probably see any of this, he still can’t predict.

But surprising him, his mother turns to him and run her hands around him, then she begins to cry into his chest. For a moment, he’s frozen to the spot, but after a while, he folds her into his arms, and the warmth feels good, and strange. But he doesn’t care. At least, after ages later, she’s doing it, finally doing it…
And the time goes on.

 

 

“Look what I got!” Lee Joone says as he walks to his jeep which has been parked a few feet away from his house due to the wedding ceremony, and it surprises him to see her their this soon, she has nicely followed him and has come to the jeep, sooner than he expected.

“What is it?” He asks with a smile, peeking at what she’s hiding behind.

“Ta da!” She says, and produces the bouquet that his sister threw into the crowd a few minutes ago from behind her. He widens his eyes in response.

“You caught it?”

She shakes her head, the artificial curls of her hair bouncing adorably. “Ani….Mi-Yeon unnie did...She gave it to me…”

“She did?”

She nods. “Oh. Wishes us good luck!”

He smiles and opens the passenger seat door for her. “Yeah…well, we won’t have much luck if we hang out here much longer. Hop in!”

 

“Thanks for the ride…” Lee Joone says as she hops out of the jeep with his help. “Or else I’d have to call oppa to pick me up”

“I was planning to bring you home from the beginning…” He says when she’s fully out of the jeep.

“Was it a part of the plan?”

He nods. “The end of it….”

She smiles guiltily and looks into his eyes. “You know…we should go with the plan again…lets redo it…”

He responds with a laugh. “Seriously Joonie! Would it change anything?”

She shakes her head. “Not exactly…but…you planned it all…I didn’t know…and I ruined it…”

He shakes his head and pats on her head, gently. “Ani…you didn’t…and even if you did…it isn’t your fault…you never knew…”

“Yeah…well, you did try to tell me…I’m such a crappy clueless pabo!”

He makes a small laughter and runs his hands around her, pulling her into a hug and buries his face in her hair. “And that’s exactly why I love you…” She presses her face against his chest, and for a moment, they remain the same, hugging and lost in each other. For a moment, he can’t think of anything any better, she’s giving him exactly what he needs right now, exactly what he thought he wouldn’t receive when his sister leaves him one day, a warmth to depend on. Aside from his sister, he had nobody else who was willing to hold him this way that Lee Joone is doing at this very moment. He has been held many times, true, but how he feels just now, he can’t think of anything which feels better that when she finally pulls away, he can’t make himself part from her. He wishes it can be forever. Willing for more, he remains holding her by her waist, she looks up and smiles.

“I have to go…Granny must be waiting to kill me off…” She whispers, slowly pushing him away. He steps back, letting her go, still not having his mind made up o do so. Now that he owns her, everything he does, he wants them to be forever.

“Yeah sure…can’t hold you back anymore…” He says and steps back, making enough way for her to approach the slope. She smiles and squeezes his hand, slowly stepping towards the beginning of the slope. But he smile, it makes him not wanting to let her go. He just  doesn’t want to. He holds her back.

“Chakkaman…” He says, pulling her back towards him. She widens her eyes adorably. “Mwo-ae-yo?”

He gives her a smile. “You’re forgetting something…”

She looks at him with surprise. “Forgetting what?”

He laughs and pulls her closer. “Joonie you’re so clueless!”

“Mwo?”

But he doesn’t let her speak anymore. He runs both his hands around her waist and presses his lips on hers. She takes time to understand what’s actually happening, and finally when she does, she lays her hands on his chest and parts her lips, he deepens the kiss, and so it goes on, just as he wants it to be.

It’s later when he senses, by some intuition, that they’re being watched, that he finally pulls away. He sees her staring at him with something close to surprise and disappointment all the same, but when he signals with his eyes, she immediately turns to her right, and gasps.

“Aigoo! Aigoo! Look at my little devil! Aigoo!!”

He turns away with a smile, his face running completely red, although he doesn’t see, he’s sure that it is. Lee Joone quickly steps back.

“Aigoo! Look at my granddaughter! She has grown up! I think I’m going to cry!”

“Halmeoni~!” Lee Joone chimes, and when he glances at her, he sees it that she’s as red as a gooseberry as she stared only at her feet. Her grandma approaches him and pats him on his back. “My Lee Joone’s boyfriend!” She says and strangely, surprising him, she bends down and looks down at his feet. “Is you foot well now my son?”

He says nothing, surprised by her question and looks up at Lee Joone. It’s as though she has been expecting him to do so, he smiles. It’s obviously one of her lame excuses! He sees her running a finger horizontally before her neck. He slightly nods, comprehending what she means and answers.

“Not…exactly…”

But he has no idea what they are talking about.

“Oh! Poor child! Our Lee Joone said you fell and injured you foot! Can’t you really climb heights my child?”

He makes a troubled face at Lee Joone, not comprehending what she’s talking about. Lee Joone shakes her head.

“I can’t…elder…It’s quite…impossible…”

‘Painful’ Lee Joone mutters.

“…Painful…” He adds.

Grandma gives him a sympathetic smile. “Oh! Look at this child! Brings his girlfriend home even while having a bad foot!” She turns to Lee Joone. “You…young lady, you’re lucky to have someone like him! Protect him well okay?”

Lee Joone smiles sweetly as ever, he sees her blush hard and he smiles. Whatever she does is beautiful, doesn’t he have every reason to love her?

“So I….I  really have to go…grandma…Lee Joone…” Won Bin says after a while when the ambiance around them becomes completely awkward. He looks at Lee Joone, she turns to him and smiles.

“Ah yes…of course…” Says granny and begins to climb up the slope. “Aigoo! Aigoo! Lee Joone has grown up!” She exclaims to herself as she went up the slope. Won Bin watches her for a while and smiles. At first he thought he will take time to get used to this different lifestyle that Lee Joone’s leading, but gradually, sooner than he expected, he has already grown used to it, and is actually enjoys it, it’s a good change after being only involved in the sophisticated life he spent for the past eighteen years.

“So…shall I go then?” Won Bin asks, when granny has fully gone out of the view. He sees something strange spread across her face, something he can refer to as disappointment, but she smiles. “Of course…Will your parents…scold you….? For leaving this early?”

He lies. “Andwae…they probably must have forgotten me by now, I’ll be fine…”

She still looks uncertain. “Are you sure?”

He nods. “Yeah…I’d call you if anything goes bad okay?”

With that, her uncertainty leaves her face. “Sure….call me…”

“I will….” He says and nods towards her house. “Now hop away…I can’t go until you’re home”

She smiles. “Okay then…bye…take care…”

“You too…” He says mildly, and soon, he finds himself watching her go. It disappoints him, weirdly, because now that they’re really together, he wishes they can be together all the time. It’s probably that this is just the beginning, or the paranoia he’s having now, somewhere inside him, afraid of something which is most likely to happen. When he sees her walk inside after a slight wave at him, he climbs into the jeep, but he can’t make himself start the vehicle and leave. Instead, he clutches onto the steering wheel and breaths hard. Being around her, now that noona will not be around anymore, is the safest thing that he can think of. He knows, more than anything else, he does, that Lee Joone will be there for him no matter what. But there are instances that she can’t be there for him, just like now when he’s about to enter an all new life. A life that he will lead alone, neglected and controlled almost oblivious to his knowledge in a way that even he can’t decide, a life that Lee Joone is unaware of, a life that he can’t let her know of…

He doesn’t know how long he remained there, silently at the same spot, not wanting to move on. And when he finally decides it’s his high time to do so, he’s not sure if he’s too late.

And so he begins to ride back through the crowded Seoul roads.

 

 

It’s so great to know that you have somebody to love you, nothing else can make you feel safer than to know that there’s someone out there, waiting for you, watching you and protecting you from a far. Its equally as fabulous to know that you’re accepted, your love and care is accepted, and now, you can love all you want because you have owned all that you deserve…

Isn’t love so great?

It’s a lovely Monday and I’m back on toll with my usual work. Surprisingly, I got up earlier than I expected, and a strange excitement got into me when I did. It was unexpected because never a Monday has been in my concern, in fact, I hate Mondays. Mondays meant only the lack of work and a whole pile of homework undone, but today, it felt so good.

It’s later when I entered my favourite lane that I realized the reason for my strange excitement, that’s what they all say; ‘It’s love’

As I ride down the road, the strange excitement begins to rise, that’s when I sense it, and when I’m before his house, I feel like skipping around it as much as I can until I’ve had enough of it. I hold back my urges though, I mean, I don’t want him to end up thinking that I’m gradually becoming a mental patient. He’d think its all his fault and will worry himself to death, and I certainly don’t want that!

So, instead of skipping around, I only climb down off the bicycle and walk towards the gate, feeling some kind of a light shining down inside me. At first I consider showing the paper in, through the gate, but remembering what Won Bin said that day, I step back and raise my hand up in the air, trying to get my aim right. No matter how much I try, I’m almost certain I’ll end up doing something crazy, but it’s worth trying, I mean, ain’t I supposed to listen to what he has to say?

I take a deep breath and move my raised hand backwards for a clear shot. I move it back and forth a few times and when I’m about to take my shot, the gate suddenly opens up, the surprise of it keeps me unmoving as Won Bin walks out. As soon as he sees me, he pauses to the spot and gives me one of his weird looks before he walks towards me. I immediately drop my hand and smile.

“Wae, got the aim wrong?” He asks and takes the paper from my hand and before even I could think what will happen next, he leans over and leaves a sweet peck on my lips.

Even when he steps back and throws the paper over the gate, I’m frozen to the spot, surprised. He turns to me and smiles. “There, done”

I finally find myself nodding, I manage a smile.

“So…how do you like it if I work with you now on?” He asks as I walk back towards the bicycle, and by his sudden suggestion, I stop immediately and turn to face him. “Eh?”

“I’ll work with you, we’ll walk together and give out the papers” He says with a smile. I think it out for a minute.

“But wouldn’t you be late for school?”

“Ani” He shakes his head. “I’m usually early at school….I can spare some time…”

I smile and climb onto the bicycle with his help. “Well…if you can spare some time, I’d love to go with you…”

He smiles and pats on my head. “Sure I can…If you ask me to…”

I smile and squeeze his hand. “Sure then, let’s go”

 

The next greatest thing about having someone to love you is the feeling you get when he’s by your side. I can’t explain exactly how I felt when I spent that short period of time waliking down the streets with him. At first, I stuck on to riding, but as it seemed, it was impossible for me to keep up with Won Bin’s pace, I hoped down. For a moment, we walked on silently like in the old days, and changing the atmosphere between us, he holds his hand in mine. And so, the rest we went on talking and talking like a real couple. I can still re run all that he said in my mind right now, he told me everything about how hard it was for him to hold up with the story of another girl that he made up for me. He said there were instances that he was really pissed off, and how badly he had to keep his urges held inside. I remembered the times when they practically broke through….and I realized how stupid I had been to not to see any of it. He has tried so hard to give me at least, a slightest sign, but I never got it! He’s right. I’m so completely clueless.

And when we were at school, well, I wouldn’t have minded it if it was somewhere else, but when he did it, I couldn’t help it but response since I didn’t want to hurt him, he pulled me to a corner at the cycle shed and kissed me, like, really kissed me. It was quite a shock at first, having being kissed at school in the cycle shed has always been beyond expectancy, it was awkward at first when he had his hands on my waist, kissing me, waiting for me to respond, but when I couldn’t take it anymore, I did. And every time that he does it, I feel like the whole world has fallen into place, as though everything’s alright, and I love it.

One bad thing about having somebody to love is not being able to part. True, we will meet up again, but having spending so long together; I couldn’t make myself to watch him go. It just ruined the strange excitement I had before, as though it’s all gone. I didn’t want to think it that way though, I mean, it’s not like we can stay together all day long!

So here I am, sitting on a bench at school, waiting for Ha Ra to turn up after her gym lessons so that we can walk to the Treasure Island together. The time has gone so fast that I haven’t even realized that we’re only four days away from the BOTB finals, and we haven’t even begun practicing yet. This once, it scares me. The atmosphere among us has changed as how I feel it, now that things have changed between Won Bin and me, I’m sure it will never interfere the band, I will never let it either, only that, surely, the way that the boys look at me now, it has changed. Even yesterday they wanted it an off-day, and when I insisted on not having an off-day since we have already had too many off-days so far, but they never gave in. Even Jong Hun has changed! He has always been so enthusiastic about the practices, but it was him who claimed an off-day. I had to listen, when I had no other option, and ended up having a drink party. Won Bin and I didn’t drink though, and I had to leave early, so did he, that’s how far the practices went. But I won’t let it happen again, I have to make it sure that I won’t. I have to begin being hard and nasty…okay, as if I’ve ever been so.

It’s a moment later that Ha Ra turns up in her gym jacket and her skirt on, panting as though she just ran a mile.

“What’s with the rush…?” I make a face and give a look on her Gym jacket. “…and the gym clothes…”

She pants hard as she threw her bag onto the bench. “Wae? I can’t get late when my friend’s waiting to meet her boyfriend!”

I smile, and surely am turning red. It’s not like he said we’re, like, official or anything…we just started going out.

“Anyway” Ha Ra says, after a while when she seemed to have had enough rest. “Heard you’ve turned out to be a really sweet couple…”

I widen my eyes. “Really?”

She nods and throws the straps of her bag on the either of her shoulders. “He came to school to drop you off?”

I nod, watching a pair of girls passing by, giving me a strange smile.

“And…” Ha Ra moves closer to me. “…you kissed?”

I turn to her in a flash, blood pouring down into my face. “You saw?”

She shakes her head. “Ani…I heard…that’s a hot topic around at school if you didn’t know, Joonie…and the next thing you will know is ; ‘Lee Joone, the top ranking student, present hall president is dating a high-school television idol hottie!’ being published on the school paper!”

I give her a nudge. “You go around kissing in the public too! Did it ever make you a public sensation?”

She makes a face. “Well, if you and Won Bin can be referred to as public which can cause such a thing…you were pretty much the audience I had, but you two have had a lot…”

I sigh. “Yeah…well…”

I mean, she needs to understand. She’s a girl with a boyfriend, what will she do if she ever gets kissed all of a sudden, won’t she forget where she is?

 

 

The practices went well today, and I tried my best to get myself into a mood to shout at the boys whenever I have to, but I ended up laughing the hell out, but in the end, we had three songs fully practiced, and I noticed it that now Won Bin puts himself fully into singing, which is actually good, and, as always, the songs were fabulous. They started with ‘Friendship’, which has this, jumpy feeling into it with a really nice groove; I had comments gathered by the time the song ended. Then they went with a sad song ‘A song for you’, but it really was good because Won Bin managed to show his feelings really well with it. But the one which caught my heart was the third one, an English song (I only partially understood it) ‘Always be mine’. As he sang, Won Bin smiled a lot, I saw how his eyes shined like stars and his dimples showed more often. Although I didn’t understand half of what he sang, I got what the song meant only by the soothing voice that he sang in, a voice that I’ve never heard him using before. I know what it meant, but I said nothing. Like I said, I will never let the things between us interfere them.

The practices ended at five, and I decided to call it a day.

 

So here I am, again, sitting all by myself on my bed, staring at nothing, waiting for the phone to ring. It’s already past six, it’s by the time that Won Bin should call me, the time that he’s usually left alone at home as far as I know, the time that he actually needs some company, but he still didn’t call. I sigh a few times, and walk around impatiently, went to the washroom quite a few times with absolutely no reason at all. Few more minutes, I begin to panic.

Okay. I’m not really meaning to do so, but when I go to the kitchen to grab myself a glass of water, Mi Ja, oppa and grandma are involved in some talk about a dude who has been killed in a car crash.

“He’s been only eighteen! Aigoo! In such a young age!” Grandma is saying when I enter the kitchen, and for my instincts, I listen as I gulp down the water.

“Jinja?” asks oppa who’s helping grandma out with the cooking.

“Jinjayo! Aigoo! His mother was crying the crap out of herself! She has seen him being hit!”

I immediately stop what I’m doing and turn to her. “When was it?” I ask, panic arousing in me.

“Today evening…” Oppa answers, with no much concern. “I thought you might have seen…it was around the block”

I gasp, feeling my heart stop in the middle. “Around…the block…?”

“Hmm…” Oppa nods. “He’s been crossing the road, some drunk driver has run over him, poor lad”

I stare at him with my heart stopping at every thought which slips into my mind. He…he’s also eighteen….he’s supposed to cross the road….Won Bin…he hasn’t even called me…

Without a word, without wasting any more time listening to their discussions, I run back to my room, but I’m not sure if I can feel my legs anymore. How can I be so stupid! Gosh! I shouldn’t have let him drop him home!

What am I doing!?! What assumptions am I making?

But you can never be so sure….

I quickly grab the phone and begin to dial-

-but it rings, the moment that the numbers dissolved in my eyes. And blood finally started to run naturally seeing the caller from the other side.

“You freaking bug head!” I scream into the phone as soon as I picked it up, without really bothering to greet him. “You should have CALLED ME SOONER!”

But comparing to me, Won Bin is much, much calmer than I am.

“Hey hey….what is it Joonie?” He asks sweetly, and up to a certain extent, I’m calmed down. I take a long breath and close my eyes.

“Ani….I was just….so worried…” I mutter after a while.

“You do sound worried…” He says calmly. “Waeyo? Is everything alright?”

I sigh and manage a nod. “Nae…just…don’t cross the road like a freak, okay?”

He laughs. “What do I have to do with that?”

“Just don’t…okay?”

He lets out another brief laugh. “No I won’t…I promise…”

“Much better…”

“Anyway” He says after a while. “Are you busy?”

“Andwae” I say, still mad at what he did to me.

“Andwaeyo?” He asks with surprise.

“Andwaeyo”

He sighs on the other end. “Okay, then…be pretty busy, I’m leaving…”

At his words, my eyes almost pop out. “Leaving?”

“Oh…I’m just outside. But if you’re busy, I’ll go home…chalga!”

“Ani ani!” I say with panic. “Kajima!”

“Wae, aren’t you busy?”

I put on my slippers and hurry towards the door. “Aniya! I was pissed off, that’s why I said so!”

He laughs, only laughs. I open op the sliding door and hop out into the chilling night, not much caring for the extremely cold atmosphere, my eyes immediately turns towards the slope. I see it, the jeep parked, its head-lights , and among the lights, a dark shadow leaning against the jeep. He raises his hand and waves at me.

That bug head! I was freaked out to death and he can be all casual all through that?

“Paboya! You could have just come!” I said into the phone without bothering much to wave him back.

“I can’t walk, remember?”

I roll my eyes. “Yeah right, but at least call me a bit sooner? I was worried to death you know that?!?”

“Frankly, no…I see no reason to get worried; I called you twice you know…” He says, sounding calmer than ever. “Anyway, if aren’t busy, get over here”

“Sure sure” I say, closing my bedroom door behind me. “Let me get dressed now, I’m in my Pyjamas”

“okay, I’ll wait”

“I’ll be quick”

And as soon as the line goes dead, I grab myself a simple flower printed dress and a matching coat for it since its cold outside, I dress up as fast as my fingers can manage. Comb my hair and wear it down since its still quit wet after a shower, grab my bag and a pair of sneakers before rushing out of the room.

“Halmeoni! I’m going!” I say peaking into the kitchen where the three of them are busy preparing dinner. Granma turns to me, her eyes widened with surprise. “O- di-ga?”

“On a date…Won Bin called, but he can’t climb up the slope”

“Aigoo! Aren’t you staying for dinner?” Mi Ja asks, munching on raw cabbage. I shake my head. “Ani…we’ll grab something on the way”

“Call me if you want” Oppa adds with a smile.

I nod. “Sure, I will”

“And I can trust him can I?” Grandma asks urgently. I nod and smile, seeing that what I’m saying now, is absolute truth.

“Hundred percent, and more”

“Hmm” She responds. “Now ka! ka!! Don’t keep that child waiting”

I step back. “Sure! Kayikkae! Chalga!”

And soon I make it out of the door and nonchalantly walk down the slope wearing the biggest smile on my face. I see him, still a dark shadow within the shining light of the jeep, casually leaning on it, watching something which seems to be the far depths of the night sky, lost in his thoughts. As soon as he sees me, he stands straights and walks towards me.

“Paboya” I say as he approaches me with a smile. He runs his hands around me and lays his forehead against mine. “And that’s exactly why I love a paboya like you”

“ah! Naeul-!” I begin, but I never get to continue, he soon folds me in his arms and indulges me with a kiss. When he’s done, he backs away and smiles.

“You’re really annoying you know that?” I ask in a whisper.

“Wae?” He asks, looking quite offended.

“Why did you call me out this late at night?”

He smiles and steps back, taking his hands off me. “Well that…”

“What?” I ask, sensing something mischievous in his smile. He watches my face for a while, his eyes shining being exposed to the yellow light of the jeep, he lips curled into a strange smile. I stare back, and slowly he answers.

“Mianne…Joonie….I couldn’t live a second without you….I just love you too much…”

 

“A new guitar?” I ask in response to Won Bin as we drove through the night of the Seoul city. The street lights are up, almost blinding, and the traffic is gradually seizing, Won Bin is driving as smoothly as he always does, his eyes focused on the road but concentrating on what I’m saying.

“Won Bin, why do you need a new guitar?” I ask again.

“Why do you think?” He asks, smiling.

“To play, obviously, but the one you have looks fine to me” I say casually.

“It does…but sounds like crap” He says, taking a smooth turn to the right. “And feels like crap, it’s old”

“How old?”

“Two years”

I widen my eyes in shock. “Two years! Gosh! You can use your toothbrush for two years if you had to! You can’t buy guitars whenever you want?”

He laughs. “Freaked out? Really, Joonie, I don’t want to play it anymore…”

“Why would that be? Because it’s old?”

He shakes his head and slowly looks at me. “Hyun-A picked it for me, two years ago…but it has no feeling…I want you to pick one for me…”

I look down at my hand, feeling quite guilty for what I asked before. “I’ll be glad to pick one for you…but” I lift my head and turn to him. “Why would you put the old one away?”

For a moment, he rides in silence which makes me wonder if what I just asked him is wrong. After a while, he gives me a slight smile.

“Well…Hyun-A and I…” He answers in a low, deep voice. “we were nothing…all from the beginning…we were more like, pretending, you know…just to make our parents happy…”

 

He takes another turn as I listened to him intently. He’s telling me how his love life used to be…

He stares ahead, his eyes clouded with one of his ever unreadable expressions.

“It was on our first date, that she bought it for me…well, I was going to buy one, I had to take her along…that was before we started the Treasure…and Joonie…I..”

 

He trails off and looks at me. “It has never been the way that it is with you now…Back then…although I had her…I had no feelings, and the music I made with the guitar she picked for me…it meant nothing…just a couple of notes and chords…but after I met you…”

 

He reaches out and squeezes my hand. I rub the smooth skin of his with my thumb.

 

“…Things changed…like you said…I was able to put feelings into it, sing in the way where no harm is done…that’s what music is about right? And that’s what I depend on…and it’s you…who gave a meaning to it…I don’t want my old guitar to give the old, meaningless sounds anymore…I want a fresh start…from you…”

 

I gently squeeze his hand, ignoring the stinging sensation in my eyes.  “Won Bin…”

 

“I love you, Lee Joone…Do you know that?”

 

I nod, lift his hand and slightly kiss him on his flawless skin. “Ara~Won Bin-ah….And I love you more…”

 

 

 

 

“What do you say?” Won Bin asks, afterwards when we’re in Myeondong, at his favourite instruments store, making choices on two guitars that I picked on my interest. I fold my hands on my chest for a while and turn to Won Bin.

 

“I suggest you put them on and see…”

 

“What good would that do?” He asks with genuine interest. I walk to the guy who’s holding the two guitars up in the air under my supervising and take the red one in my hand. Then I walk to Won Bin, stand up on my toes and slip the strap over his head. He smiles as I arrange the guitar on him.

 

“Well?”

 

I make a thoughtful face, but seeing…well, with his red hair and his sharp features, red is a no-go. I narrow my eyes and shake my head.

 

“Andwae…it doesn’t look good…”

 

“Wae?” He asks, looking down at the shiny red guitar hanging before him.  “She’s hot…”

 

I nod. “Well…not on you Binnie….we’ll go with the black…”

 

He puts the black one over him, and I widen my eyes with surprise. Black…it’s always and always black for him. With his height, that undesirable smile, flawless skin, and short-cut red hair, I’d give anything to see him with this guitar on, his smooth slender fingers moving on the shiny body of it…I can almost imagine it in my mind…this is the perfect pick for him…just perfect…more than that, it looks…hot, on him….so…

 

I stare at him for a moment, and before I can stop myself, I say it; “It looks fabulous! Won Bin…it’s…y…on you…”

 

Surprised by my comment, he immediately looks up at me. “It’s…what…on me, Joonie?”

 

 

“y…” I say without thinking. He widens his eyes and smiles. “I never expected to hear that from you of all the people, and here you are, saying that”

 

I look away, surely turning red, but afterwards, when he holds me close when the dude of the store has gone away to pack the shiny black guitar for me, things are back to normal.

 

“You can call me anything you want…” He says as we sat in a corner of the shop, holding each other, me, wishing nobody will walk in to an awkward situation. “And I will take it as a complement…”

 

“I thought I made you upset…” I say after a while and look up at him. He smiles and shakes his head. “Ani…it’s just…it’s what Hyun-A said to me the day I bought the other guitar….”

 

“Really?” I ask, surprised and stare ahead. “What a coincident…”

 

He just pulls me closer. “maybe….maybe not…”

 

I smile and lay my head against his shoulder. “And maybe all the girls can’t help it…”

 

He laughs and squeezes my hand. “Then let’s say that and forget it…”

 

“Okay…sure…”

 

And at that very moment, I decide to never remind him of his past.

 

 

                Later on, the dude at the store turns up with the newly packed guitar set and lays it on the cabinet before us. Won Bin doesn’t say much, he simply hands him a stack of bills and foor some reason, he suddenly turns to me.

 

“You play any instruments?” He asks out of the blue. I smile and shake my head. Really! I can’t even think of myself playing any instruments….okay, I can play the keyboard…a bit, something I learned at school from the music class, but it never interested me because all the people in the music class were kind of out, music only interests me only when it comes to the Treasure although grandma says its in my soul. I wonder…I mean, it’s not like I have ever sensed it…

 

“Not at all?” He asks with surprise. I smile shyly. “Well…I know to play the keyboard…”

 

He smiles. “Great…well….did I ever tell you something that you don’t know…?” He asks, putting his hand into his pocket. I widen my eyes and shake my head. He gives me a wider smile as he slowly pulls his hand out of the pocket,  in his hand is a thick piece of shiny black iron. It takes me some time to understand it. I look up at him and smile.

 

“It’s a harmonica!”

 

Ho nods. “Well…I thought of getting back into my old habits after a while…”

 

“Habit?” I ask with surprise, not really comprehending what kind of a habit he can have involving a harmonica.

He nods with a smile. “I used to keep it with me back then…played it when I’m stressed out…it’s the first instrument I learned to play…”

 

“Really?” I ask, surprised hearing about his unusual habit. “So why did you let it go?”

 

He shakes his head. “It’s a long story…I’ll tell you one day…”

 

“I remember you buying that..” The dude of the store comments, handing over the bill. “I was here…a bit older than you…”

 

“I remember too…You were sitting here with your mum…I think….”

 

“How long ago?” I ask, interested.

 

 “Eight or nine years.” Won Bin answers, putting the harmonica back into his pocket. “And let it go two years ago…”

 

He sighs, staring away and after a while, he takes his new guitar into his hand. “Anyway…” He says and walks to me. “Guess we should go…”

 

“Sure..” I say and smile as he takes my hand. We both turn to the store keeper and bow.

 

“Cute girlfriend…” He comments pointing at me. I smile, turning red…gosh! I’ve been getting that comment from people I’ve never known for a while! Guess Won Bin’s got lots of contact…

 

Soon we both wish him for a good night and walk back to the jeep.

 

 

“So…what are we doing now?” I ask after a while when we’re back on the road, riding through the seizing traffic of the city. As the spring has begun to slowly pass by, opening gates to another warm summer, the sky is now clearer, although the atmosphere is still quite cold,  it’s warm enough for anyone to go around without many layers of cloth. The city is less busy for a Monday, though, and the vehicles on the road seem to nonchalantly pass along, and Won Bin too, he drove as smoothly as he did before, occasionally checking on my well being. I was going alright…well, fabulous, rather…spending time with Won Bin is always fabulous. But only I don’t know where the heck he’s driving too. In fact, we’ve been driving for quite a while. It’s not that I’m worried..really! I’m only a bit curious, because Won Bin is, as far as I’m concerned, never a person who does the same thing more than once.

 

“Going for dinner…” He answers after a while, staring ahead, but a slight smile is plastered on his lips.

 

“Dinner?” I ask, still curious. “This far?”

 

He nods and turns to me. “Well…I just assumed you have never been there where I’m taking you to…”

 

I make a face. I mean, back when dad was alive, he used to take oppa and I everywhere, there’s pretty much nowhere that we have never been to. He was a man who loved to travel a lot. Despite the economic and social barriers he had to keep back his desires but when he finds enough money, he will take us somewhere, anywhere, and we were always looking forward to it. Things really changed when he got into a serious typhoid case, and we really couldn’t save him. It was bad, really bad, and the worse thing was I was only twelve, and it was in the summer, the time that I was expecting to go on a little trip with him together….after he was gone, we never really travelled, we didn’t want to, because deep inside, we knew it will never be the same.

 

“Where could that be?” I ask and peek out of the shutter to catch a glimpse of where we’re headed to. He just smiles.

 

“Wait and see Lee Joone…I’m pretty sure you will be surprised”

 

 

 

“Namsum?” I ask as he pulls through into a different part of the city. “Won Bin, that’s like, miles away from home!”

 

He laughs, taking a smooth turn. “Hey, don’t worry! I’m not going to murder you! We’ll go back in time okay?”

 

“I know you will…but…”

 

“But what?” He asks gently, turning to me. I look down and finger the tiny guitar figures on the bracelet that Hong Gi gave me. “You will be late to go home…”

 

“Don’t worry about that either…” He says as though he doesn’t care for it at all. “It’s better as long as I stay away from home.”

 

I say nothing but continue to finger the charms of my bracelet. How can I? I don’t want to end up offending him…

 

“Now you know where we are headed to?” Won Bin asks after a while when we approached a busier street, and by the look of it, I guess.

 

“N Seoul tower, I guessed right”

 

“Yup” He says with a nod. “We’ll have a cosy dinner here…”

 

I widen my eyes. As I’ve heard, dinners are hell expensive here, like, half of your monthly income-like expensive. Plus I really look like some low class bugger from the suburbs…well, that, I can’t help, but seriously! How can I get in there without harming Won Bin’s image? I mean, looking at him anyone could guess what sort of a person he is, but me?

 

“Won Bin…I…don’t think…it’s a fab idea…” I say after a while, trying not to hurt his feelings. He immediately  turns to me. “Wae? There’s nothing to worry-,”

 

“But the expense! Time-!!”

 

“Hey hey” Won Bin says, looking offended. “I’m managing it, there’s nothing for you to worry…”

“But-!” I try contradicting once more, but he stops me with a thick voice.

 

“But what Lee Joone? Can’t I take my girlfriend where I want to? Don’t you trust me?”

 

I swallow and look down at my hand. I don’t want to hurt him…I really don’t want to. I’ve hurt him enough already, he’s fragile than I know, and now that his noona is not there for him to depend on, he only has me…how will he take it when I also turn my back on him?
But walking in there with him will harm him the same. What kind of a response will he get when people sees him with someone like me? I’m poor, not dressed properly as much as the girls who visit such people would dress, and I don’t even have the money to pay…I will be a bother to him, I will ruin his date…

 

“I trust you…Binnie…” I say, trying to be as honest as I could and finger the tiny guitars on my bracelet. I have pissed him off, and I really can’t make myself to face him now.

“I trust you over my life…but I don’t want to…harm your image…really, Won Bin…although we’re together, we’re different…a lot more than you know…”

 

“I don’t care if we’re different…” Won Bin says after a while in a slow voice.

 

 I shake my head. “Neither do I…but sometimes…I have to…Won Bin, you’re a person with an image, a dignity…everything…”

 

“And are you suggesting you will ruin them?” He asks, yet holding onto his lowered voice. I manage a nod. He takes a while before he speaks.

 

“Lee Joone, don’t ever underestimate yourself like that…you speak to people, advice them, make them feel better, and everything you say is right…but why do you do this to yourself? There’s nothing different in you from anyone else….only you’re special…you don’t have to be rich, you don’t need big houses and cars and money  to be special Lee Joone, what you already have is more than enough…and none of them will ever harm me…don’t ever say that…You know that I love you and it’s not only to hide you away just because you are different…in fact, I’m proud…I’m proud that you’re with me, and I’d like to show you and let everyone know that you’re the one I love because you’re one person that everyone can’t  have…remember that…”

 

With that, he moves his hand into mine and holds mine tight, as though he will never let me go. For a moment we’re both silent, holding each other’s hands, staring only into the night sky. It’s a starry night, the kind of a night that I will always wish for, a night that I have always had dreams to hold onto the one I love and watch the time going by, and now, I feel as though my wishes are coming through. I can feel the warmth in his hand, pulses running in  his wrist and he remains unmoving, all of it only means the love he has for me. I can’t think of anyone else who has told me everything he just said to me…I never knew….It has always been how I am…I hated myself, I have been doing it ever since I couldn’t save my mother from dying, but Won Bin….meeting him is what which brought a meaning to my petty life once more. I too, am proud to be loved by someone like him…someone who loves me for who I am.

 

When we’re finally at the tower, the night was fully on the out and the place is, not exceeding our expectancy, less crowded, just how I wished it will be. Won Bin walks to the entrance, holding me so tightly, giving me constant glances as we walked to the ticketing counter, checking on me more often as though he’s afraid I’d run away.

Since it is off-season for the tourists, the packaged-deal prices have gone down, and Won Bin managed to purchase two observatory and dinner package tickets for 80,000 wons, 40,000 each. He decides to go to the top first. I only agree, letting him to take the decisions. I come to believe it’s for the best if he makes decisions from now on.

It takes us a while to get to the top; the lifts go up only up to the 4^th observatory where the revolving restaurants are. The rest we’re supposed to climb up on feet.

Only when we’re on the topmost floor that I get to know that we’re around 400 feet above the sea level. I curse the information boards placed at the entrance. Darn they HAD to mention the height!

 

I immediately run both my hands around Won Bin’s arm and cuddle myself against him as a chilly wind passes by and enjoy the warmth he’s giving me. I cuddle him tighter and close my eyes.

 

“Cold?” He asks, holding me against him. I nod into his shirt. We remain holding each other for quite a while and step away when he lets go. He smiles and takes my hand.

 

“Come on…there’s something we’ve got to do…”

 

I look at him questioningly as he leads me towards the high railing. The chilly wind blowing hard scares me, I hold tightly onto his hand and walk alone, and gasp, finally seeing it in the bright lights on the tower.

 

Thousands and thousands of padlocks of different colours, sizes stuck onto the iron railing in lines. There are so many of them that I can hardly even see through them, they’re uncountable, and yet, so strangely beautiful…for some reason, they make me feel warm inside. I stare at the lines of padlocks in neat lines for so long, and finally turn to Won Bin. He smiles and puts his hand inside his pocket, producing a pair of gorgeous light blue padlocks and a permanent marker. I widen my eyes.

 

“Love locks” He says with a smile and hands me one of the padlocks. “Once we place a lock….it’s a promise to never to separate…”

 

“Won Bin…” I say, not finding any words to say. Love locks…a promise to never to separate…And he’s here to promise me, to promise me that he will never let me go…

 

He undoes the lid of the marker and writes down on the padlock in his hand.

 

‘My heaven is yours…Lee Joone’ He writes down in tiny yet neat letters, and seeing him, tears begins to gather in my eyes. I bite my lower lip and try my best to hold up my tears, but when he looks at me, they just begin to spill out. He places his hand against my neck and looks into my eyes.

 

“Lee Joone…?”

 

I shake my head and place my hand on his, turning my head to slightly kiss him on his wrist.

 

“Hey…here…don’t cry…” He whispers and my cheek with his thumb. I shake my head and smile. “I’m happy…Won Bin…I love you…and I’m happy…”

 

He runs his hands around me and places a light peck on my lips.

 

“And I’m happy too…” He whispers, staring only into my eyes, and although the strong wind is bringing his soft hair into his face, his eyes on me, the shine in it, they all are almost too clear for me to grasp. “As long as you’re happy…I’m happy too…”

 

 

‘And my heaven is you…Won Bin’ I write down as neatly as I could, look into his face and smile. He smiles back, his eyes shining exposed to the whiteness of the towers lights and together we walk to the fence hand in hand.

 

The fence is completely covered with thousands of padlocks and messages and promises written in hearts to never let go. The fence is that so covered that we take so long to find a space for us and when we do, Won Bin and I kneel down on the cement floor, he unlocks the padlock for me, unlocks his own, and together we put them up huddled together, making a promise deep inside my heart that I will never, ever let him go. No matter if we’re forced to, made to, no matter if anyone would threaten us to, we will ever let each other go. Just as the locks of love we just placed, our love will remain unwavering, it will remain strong and forever…just like the lock of love…we will forever and always stay together, and nothing will change.

 

I let out a long sigh and finger the locks lovingly, wanting to live in this moment forever. I can’t think of anything any better that has happened in my life. Being able to love someone whom I can really love, who loves me back just how I expect it…I can’t think of anything any better in my life.

 

It’s long before he finally takes my hand and leads me towards where the railing is shorter, where the wind is stronger, and also the sight of the Seoul city at night can be viewed more beautifully. The strong wind horrifies me, gives goose bumps all over my skin, and without even thinking anymore, I cuddle myself against Won Bin. He slowly moves behind me, runs a hand around my waist, another over my shoulder and holds me in a hug from the back. He lays his head against my shoulder, and I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling of his warm breath touching the skin on my cheek. I let out a sigh and open my eyes to see the ever beautiful sight of the city. It’s breathtaking, the beautiful lights in the city of Seoul, and it hits me, although I’ve been living there for so long, this the first time I’m seeing how it’s like at night, and there’s no word to explain it. Breathtaking, just simply breathtaking.

 

And suddenly making Goosebumps rise on my skin, Won Bin slowly nuzzles the skin on my neck, his warm breath touching me so lightly, I tilt my head to a side and close my eyes, moving my hand upwards to his cheek. He places a light kiss on my jaw line and places his head against me.

 

“Are you cold?” He whispers into my ear, his voice is only a hiss floating in the wind. I shake my head. “No…you’re warm…”

 

“I always wanted to come here…and hold you until the night go by…” He says as I watched the shining stars in the northern sky. Being 400 feet off the ground, the sky seems massive above where we stand, almost touching, the stars seems nearer. I feel like I’m nearer to the heaven, myself.

 

“So here we are…” I whisper back and his cheek. “Just how you want it…”

 

“Just how I want it…” He says and holds me closer, his cheek pressing onto mine.

 

“So have you come up here…before…?” I ask his after a while as a cold wind rushes past us, bringing long strands of hair into my face. He nods against me.

“Yes…once….it was with Hyun-A…our families were here for dinner, and she brought me here…”

 

“And what did you do?” I ask, sounding interested.  He intakes a long breath.

 

“It was awkward…and immature….I knew I didn’t want her company…but couldn’t get rid of her…we just stood here beside each other…that was when we had our first kiss…”

“Here…?” I ask, seeking for the answer. He nods.

 

“here…she said she liked me…and she kissed me…it was around a month after we were forced to date…”

 

“How sad…” I mutter and tilt my head to his side. “Did you put up a lock?”

 

For my relief, he shakes his head. “She suggested it…but we never came here afterwards…at least not with her…I knew I will never keep such a promise for her…I wanted to come here with the one I want to keep the promise to…so here we are..”

 

I slightly pull away to look into his face. He stares into my eyes, the platinum shine glowing in them so beautifully and he lays his forehead on mine.

 

“So will you keep the promise for me Won Bin…?” I whisper to him. “Will you promise that you will never leave me…?”

 

“I promise…” he whispers and leaves a light peck on my lips. “I promise you Lee Joone….I will never leave you…I will always be by your side….I will hold you like this forever if I had to…I promise I will….”

 

With that, he moves to fully face me, I turn to him so that we stand before each other, he runs a hand around my neck, the other around my waist pulling me closer against him, and it makes me wonder why he’s so oblivious to my heart beating madly in my throat. It beats so hard that I think I might die, but I hold on. I lay my hands on his chest, holding onto his shoulders, and slowly, as the chilly breeze rushes through us, as the lights of the city and the tower blinds me, as the wind blows slow tunes in my ears, he moves towards me, his lips slightly parted, his eyes watching only me, I follow him and open my lips apart…and sooner than I expect, he moves closer, runs his fingers through the dark mane of my hair and lays his lips on mine. He kisses me, making slow yet beautiful patterns as he does, his fingers are grazing my skin, his lips overwhelms me, and with each pattern that he makes, a silent message is transferred into me, it runs in my veins, crosses through my cells until it reaches the depths of my soul…it never takes me long to understand…my heart is so sure, waiting to accept it as the slow messages whisper in me, his voice sounding inside me, saying;

‘My heaven is yours…’

And the time goes on…

 

 

 

“That’s a pretty bracelet…” Won Bin complements as we sat in a sophisticated dining table of the N grill at the fourth observatory, we are waiting for our food to arrive but just as Won Bin said before (“Dinner takes so long to turn up here”) we’ve been waiting for the dinner for the past few minutes but it’s still not out yet.

It’s around nine at night, the restaurant closes at eleven which means we have to eat as ffast as within one or one and a half hours, and for the past few hours what we’ve been doing is either stare out of the 360 degrees glass panels or complementing on something…half of the time went by only as awkward movements.

I smile at Won Bin for what he just said and finger the tiny figures as I speak.

 

“Hong Gi bought it for me that night when he got that dress for me for the wedding…I promised him I will wear it wherever I go…”

 

“Really?” He asks and takes my wrist in his hand, examining the fine details of the charms.

“He’s really a good guy…Hong Gi…” Won Bin says after a while when he’s done with examining the charms of the bracelet. I look at him with slight surprise.

 

“Oh…” I say at last and look into his eyes. “Won Bin…do you think…I …hurt him…?”

 

He gives me a slight smile. “If I were him…I will be…but I will hold it inside, Lee Joone…any guy’s like that…I’m sure Hong Gi’s doing the same…”

 

“You mean he’s holding it in too…?”

 

He nods and takes my hand in his. “I’m sure he is…”

 

“Do you think he likes me as much as you do?” I ask.

 

He presses his fingers against the skin of my hand. “Maybe he does…it’s not his fault…”

 

“Is it my fault?” I ask, watching his hand in mine. He lets out a small laughter. “Of course not! That’s just how things are…Lee Joone…That’s just how you are…”

 

I look out of the window panel, feeling disappointed. How can I be that special that two equally perfect guys will fall for me? And what disappoints me is that I can’t love them both the same at once…if only I can…

 

“So what do you think I should do to help him out…?” I ask in the end. He leans forward and lays his other hand on mine. “You’re smart, and you know what you can do, Lee Joone…”

 

I widen my eyes. “I do?”

 

He nods and squeezes the hand he’s holding between his. “I’m sure you do…”

 

And it takes so long to realize that what he means is exactly what I’m doing right now…

 

 

The dinner was delicious and light, it bothered me for a while since it took me so long to get used to using the table utilities, Won Bin happily helped me through, the dinner went great, a lot better than I expected.

He introduced me to the waiter who has known him for so long since Won Bin and his family has frequently had dinner here; he introduced me as his ‘true love’ and he seemed to understand. It’s later on that he told me that the waiter had been around them for so long that he had sensed it that Won Bin never liked Hyun-A.

 

When we finally leave the tower, it’s around ten, and when he suggests going home, I lie to him saying that grandma extended the limit until twelve to which he simply gives in. He decides to go to the Dondaemun night market under my suggestion to see the night workers which is, as far as I remember, actually so much fun.

 

It takes us a while to ride out of Namsum and enter the city, but it doesn’t take us long to ride towards the market. On the way, he and I talk a lot.

 

“How come you’re so fluent in Japanese?” I ask him at one point when he’s done telling me about how he came up with Soyogi

“My uncle lives in Japan.” He says shortly, staring ahead into the road.  “I usually spend my summers there…”

 

“Really?” I ask, excited since I’ve never visited Japan in my life. He nods.

 

“Yeah….He lives in Yokohama, He has twins, my cousin brothers, we go hiking together and live the whole summer in mount Omaru”

 

“Wow…” I say,, staring at him with some sort of a strange wonder. “So your cousins…are they the ones I saw at the wedding?”

 

He nods with a smile. “Yup….and they said you were cute…”

 

“Really?” I ask, turning red. I look down at my wrist, feeling quite shy and say. “Tell them I thanked them…”

 

“Sure…”

 

“So are you going to Yokohama this summer too?” I ask after a while. He takes a turn to the left and shakes his head. “Not really….I…have other plans…”

 

“Other plans?” I ask. “Like what?”

 

He turns to me and smiles. “Like, going to Jeju islands…with you…”

 

I look at him, with surprise. He has already planned the summer? With me?

 

“Won Bin that’s…”

 

“Excited already?” He asks with a smile. I nod. “Yeah…that’s really great! I’ve never been to the Jeju Island before….that’s so sweet of you to spend the summer with me…”

 

He laughs. “That’s what I thought so too…”

 

 

 

 

When we arrive at the night market it’s around ten thirty, I really don’t care though, granny’s curfew can wait, and since Won Bin doesn’t know, I’ll only keep it to myself, I’ll deal with it when we’re back home.

 

The atmosphere around the market is pleasant, just as I always love it, the vendors there welcome us with their warm smiles and heart full words, and so we go on walking through the busy stalls. On the way we speak a lot, and I’ve gotten used to him holding my hand. He tells me about his summers with his cousins So Ryong and Dae Ryong, I go on laughing like hell, and it surprises me to hear it that Won Bin, unlike the person that I’ve seen and known so far, is a fun loving person when it comes to travelling, going through crazy troubles casually as ever. It’s after a long stroll that we finally come to a corner and it’s when we’re laughing like hell while checking on some weirdly knitted socks that a man and a girl with all sorts of equipments hanging around turns up.

 

“Excuse me…” Says the girl with genuine urgency. “We’re from MBC, you know, the TV channel? Yeah, and we’re doing a program on night workers at the market….there’s a game you can come and play…would you mind?”

 

Won Bin smiles and turns to me, then looks back at the girl. “What sort of a game?”

 

The girl steps back and points at a massive stack of juicy green watermelons. There’s a huge plastic box stacked with more watermelons, and three men in some sort of a uniform waves at us cheerfully.

 

“What do we do?” I ask curiously, remembering the fact that Night workers actually have interesting jobs around here. The girl replies with a smile.

 

“Come…We’ll show you!”

 

 

And soon I find myself watching with horror struck eyes as the man near the box of melons grab one of them and holds it up in the air.

 

“What do you do with it?” I ask, partially freaked out, thinking he will drop the melon any moment now.

 

“You throw it to the other side and he will catch it, like playing ball!” explains the girl as though it’s as easy as piece of cake, or rather, playing ball, but I highly doubt it, I mean, a watermelon?

 

But Won Bin, in that case, being someone who hasn’t seen this before, he just simply accepts the challenge. I gasp out loud when he does, to which he responds with a strange look and takes a melon in his hands.

 

“Seriously Won Bin! You’re so gonna drop it!” I comment as he walks to the spot from where he has to throw it. The cameraman stands few feet away from me, the girl stands next to me, and Won Bin makes a few steps back, then as though he’s playing basket ball, without showing any kind of difficulty to hold the fruit, he throws it through the thin air. I scream in surprise,  as the melon flies through the air, and it lands in the hand of the man on the other side. Won Bin begins to hop up and down with victory, his cut-short fed hair flying as he does. I begin to laugh. Seriously!

And the man throws the melon to the other side, surprising me, Won Bin catches it with such a skill. It surprises me so much that I don’t even find my voice to scream. The melon nicely lands in his grasp and the crowd gathered around screams with pleasure as he does his victorious hop once more.

 

“Gosh! Won Bin! That was awesome!” I comment as he walks to me with a huge smile on his face, his dimples so clearly visible. He pushes back his fringes and turns to me.

“How do you do it? It’s damn heavy!”

 

He chuckles and looks into my eyes. “Well, although you didn’t know, I play in the school basket ball team…”

 

I make a face. “Yeah right, I mean, normal people can’t do that!”

 

“Why don’t you try?” He asks, pushing me. I quickly step back. “Of course I can’t! I’d break my arms you dummy!”

“No you won’t!” He says with a smile. “Wae? I’m sure you have arms as of a normal person”

 

“Yes…” Adds the girl from a side. “If your boyfriend tried it, girly you HAVE to try!”

 

I make a face and step further away; trying to restrain myself from getting caught up to do the crazy melon-throw. I mean, it’s a guy thing! And Won Bin’s a basket ball player for heaven’s sake whereas I am a crazy nut who can’t even catch a ball thrown from a meter away!

 

“Oh no...I can’t! Please!!” I beg as both Won Bin and the girl drags me to the spot. The crowd gathered around begins to laugh at my stupidity, so does the girl and the two workmen, and Won Bin too! Gosh! This is totally embarrassing! If I run away it will be a complete humiliation!

And I’m so not gonna sit back and watch Won Bin laugh. I mean, it’s not like I can’t do anything!

 

I give Won Bin a good glare to show him that I can do this, no, I will do this and take the melon from the man by the plastic box of melons-

-I almost fall down on my knees. Gosh! It’s a hell lot heavier than I thought! How the hell am I supposed to throw this out to the other side? I’m so gonna wreck it…I’m SO gonna wreck it…!

 

But I’m SO not gonna stand the annoying laughter, I mean, I can’t be some hell of a laughing matter!

I take a hard breath in, and the whole place goes into utter silence. I see Won Bin watching me with genuine interest, his hands folded on his chest, his lips creased in a slight smile, his eyes focused on me.

 

I take a huge breath, gather all the power I could muster, I can see the man on the other side anticipating the melon to land in his hand. I take a few steps back like a bull, and raise my hand up in the air. Then with all my power, ignoring my paining hands, I throw the melon into the thin air.

 

I hear the gathered crowd gasp, the melon whizzes through the air-

 

-and along with my ear pitching scream, it lands on the granite floor with a loud thud-

 

-and breaks into red, juicy pieces.

 

I feel like wanting to get into the floor.

 

I cover my face with both my palms and I feel so stupid. I mean, the freaking melon! It’s obvious that it will break if it falls! Why can’t the night workers find a better job, like cooking in a street stall, or knitting or cleaning toilets…Throwing melons is one hell of a crazy job to come up with!

 

The MBC girl comes to me with a smile as Won Bin watched me with a strange smile. The girl takes my hand and seeing my sour face, she begins to laugh. Won Bin follows after her, joining the same laughter, and probably after hearing his musical amusement, the complete crowd follows after him. The whole place is full of laughter and I’m sure I’m completely red in my face. I mean, this is complete humiliation!

 

And making it worse, the girl speaks into the microphone she’s holding, I feel like melting away.

 

“For destroying the melon, you’re getting punished!” She says cheerfully and I look at Won Bin for help. But that bug head is still not done laughing. So much for having a boyfriend, I mean, shouldn’t he be helping me out here?

 

“What punishment?” I ask, anticipating something good. The girl smiles and points at the melon which is broken into pieces.

 

“You have to finish up the whole thing!”

 

“Hell no!” I gasp in horror. God! How the hell am I supposed to eat up a complete watermelon! I’d choke and die!

 

“Can’t help it!” She says and leads me to a tiny stool kept in a side. The crowd begins to laugh even more as one of the men approaches me with the pieces of melon placed in a bucket and a plastic spoon.

 

I see a nightmare right before my eyes. A very big, juicy, watery nightmare.

 

“Here you go” Says the man cheerfully and lays the bowl  in my lap. I swallow hard and look up at Won Bin for help, but that bugger is being of no help at all!

 

I give him a god glare and take the spoon in my hand. Then I take a spoon full of the juicy red fruit and put it into my mouth. The crowd gathered around begins to laugh.

 

Yeah right. Now I’m a complete laughing matter and not even my boyfriend will care!

 

I let the juicy watermelon dissolve in my mouth as I angrily chew on it. I’m so pissed off! He just promised me he will never leave me, and now look who’s talking! He’d rather stand back and laugh watching me suffering alone?

 

I continue to glare at him at take another mouthful, but no matter how much I eat, the melon never seems to finish, and the camera is nicely focused on me.

 

I’m glad that nobody from school gives a damn on night workers or I will never get to walk into my school again!

 

A few more spoonfuls and I feel like I’m about to die. Its then that Won Bin finally walks to me, passing by another guy who’s doing the melon throw. The crowd begins to cheer as Won Bin sits on the floor beside me, the girl hands him a spoon.

 

“You bug head!” I mutter as Won Bin takes a piece of melon from the bowl. He smiles at me and takes a mouthful without really bothering to respond. “You could have done this sooner!”

 

Won Bin swallows down the fruit and turns to me. “I was enjoying this a bit, and you were too cute to resist”

 

I widen my eyes. “Omo! That was not being cute! That was suffering you paboya!”

 

“Yet, that was cute…”

 

I lift my hand and hit him lightly on his head. “Bug head! I was suffering here and you were laughing!”

 

He begins to laugh. “Joonie! That’s exactly what I’m saying!”

 

I say nothing but look ahead. But I seriously don’t get what exactly he’s saying.

 

 

 

We take ages to finally come to a state of finishing the freaking Water melon, and I swear, I swear I will never go near a water melon, not again. I’ve had enough of melons already, and the next thing I will know is, I will be having melon babies. Seriously! I can’t imagine walking with a tummy full of it!

 

And Won Bin actually finds it funny as I try my best to finish up the last of it. Won Bin helped me a lot, so did the girl by handing out some of it to the gathered audience, but all after that, I still can’t bring myself to back to being normal, I feel like I have turned into a melon.

 

And as I finish the last of it, as it happens, it turns out that I have been the first of all the punished people to actually finish it off. I get up on my feet with Won Bin’s help as the girl comes running towards me with a red ribbon badge. She attaches it on my coat with a smile.

 

“There” She says with a smile. “One brave couple finally finishes up a watermelon!”

 

The crowd begins to cheer and I feel like a complete fool. Seriously! We’re humiliating ourselves like hell here! I should have stuck to the curfew after all…

 

But Won Bin, as though he has done nothing bad, simply begins to wave at the audience around us, the crowd begins to cheer and he slips an arm behind me, pulling me closer to him. The girl approaches us with her mic.

 

“How was it? The punishment?” She asks me with a smile. I reach over and without thinking much, I be as honest as I could.

“I’m sure I will never go near a melon again!”

 

 The whole crowd begin to laugh, my face must have turned completely red! I can feel Won Bin laughing beside me, he’s shaking so hard, he’s going way too over this.

 

“Isn’t she cute!?!” The girl says into the mic, the crowd begins to cheer again, I hide myself in Won Bin’s arms, completely embarrassed. He holds me, still laughing so hard, and that’s when things get worse. The crowd begins  to yell out.

“Kiss! Kiss!”

 

Holy god! This is enough embarrassment already! I’m so gonna melt and get into the floor-

 

-Gosh! He’s doing it….oh no…

 

But I’m so full and powerless to stop anything from happening, he pulls me away from his grasp by my shoulders, lean down a leave a sweet peck on my lips, the crowd begins to cheer so hard and the girl holds out the mic once more. Gosh! She’s seriously getting on my nerves!

 

“How was it?” She asks with a smile. It’s Won Bin who answers.

 

“Cold” He says shortly and turns to me, then returns to the mic. “And so watermelon-y”

 

And believe me, I have never in my life, hated laughing, but this very moment I wish I will never hear it again.

 

 

“Idiot!” I yell at Won Bin back when we’re in the car riding back home. “Do you have any idea how embarrassing it was?”

 

He just laughs, and after a while, responds. “Told you, you were too cute, couldn’t help watching it…”

 

“Yeah right” I say, looking away. “Now because of you, I officially hate water melons”

 

He goes on laughing and I speak no more.

 

It’s a good thing though, to hear him laughing so much, I mean, this is what I’ve been wanting to see for a long time, a smile replacing his frown and now, it has replaced his frown forever. It’s a pleasure to see him smiling all the time, it’s as though I’m being with a completely different person, a person that I’ve known for so long but have never met before, and it feels so good, knowing the new Won Bin is the best thing that has ever happened in my life.

 

“Are you upset?” He asks me after a while when there’s an awkward moment of silence between us.

 

“Nae” I say sounding annoyed, not really meaning it, but it immediately gets him upset.

 

“Creayo?” He asks sounding concerned. I shake my head and smile. “Andwaeyo….I’m fine…”

 

“Are you sure…? Well, if you’re not…I’m really sorry about what happened before…”

 

“Aniya…” I say and begin to laugh. “When I come to think of it, it’s really fun!” I say and look up at him. “Let’s just hope nobody will bother to watch night workers on TV”

 

He laughs too. “Yeah, let’s wish…or I will have to pay more attention on you…”

 

“Yeah right…and speaking of which…” I say and turn to him, remembering what happened at school this morning. “Do you know that we’re a high school sensation at my school?”

 

“Really?” He asks with interest. “How come?”

 

I look ahead at the road. “People have seen us together in the morning today…”

 

“Isn’t that a good thing?” He asks, smiling slightly as he drove. I nod with a smile. “Yeah...Well, in a way, its good…I mean, girls like me don’t always end up dating guys like you…”

 

He lets out a small laugh. “Yeah…you can put it that way…”

 

But I don’t really get what way he means.

 

 

The rest of the ride we go on with silence, and as though he can’t bear the silence inside, Won Bin turns on the radio inside the jeep, and slow English music begins to play. I really don’t get most of what they mean, I’m not that bright when it comes to languages, but the slow tunes of them, they just gradually brings me to the edge of feeling quite sleepy. It’s when Won Bin begins to sing along that things worsen. Having his voice heard only with his usual loud music, it’s a change to hear him singing something slow with no live music, and I begin to sense and catch up with the slow tunes he makes as he sang. It’s so musical, his voice…almost a lullaby, and he pronounces each syllable so clearly that with his singing, he can simply catch anybody’s attention. He catches me, holds me, takes me to a completely different world, a completely different dimension, a world where he and I exist, the feeling is so strong, so unbearably strong that as he sang, along with the slow yet musical tune that his voice is making in my ear, reverberating in my heart that gradually, before I can stop myself, I begin to drift away…drift away to a world where everything’s perfect….just how I always want it to be…

 

 

 

 

 

 

When they arrive before Lee Joone’s house, it’s past eleven, and her curfew worries him. He knows she swore it was extended until twelve, but by her tone, he isn’t so sure. She really can’t lie, he can sense whether she’s lying or not only by her tone and the look on her eyes, but he kept silent, he promised himself he will deal it himself once they’re at home, but only he can’t make himself do it. Lee Joone, she’s fast asleep in her seat looking comfortable as ever after he lowered her seat while on the way, and he can’t make up himself to disturb her peaceful sleep.

 

The atmosphere in the jeep is pleasant, slow music of life house’s ‘You and me’ playing on the radio and Lee Joone’s angel like figure fast asleep in her seat, he can sit and enjoy the moment as long as wants to which might probably be forever until she would wake up, but he can’t. He left home without even telling his parents, he’s sure they will never bother about his whereabouts, but its for the best if he goes home early and also putt Lee Joone into her bed before long, so he lets out a long sigh and undoes his belt.

 

The jeep is parked before the slope which is too narrow for it to move through, and it has become colder outside than it was few minutes before. He unlocks the door, hops out and walks to her side. Although he has opened the door on her side, although the slight breeze is actually hitting her skin, she doesn’t even flinch, her sleep is that deep.

 

He smiles by himself seeing how pretty but hideous she looks in her sleep. It has been one of his favourite things to do, to watch her sleep, for how long, he can’t tell, but only this once, he restrains himself from doing it; otherwise he will really go far beyond the curfew.

 

But he can’t disturb her sleep either.

 

So he lets out a long sigh and move a hand across her to undo her belt, then slowly, just so slowly, careful not to wake her up, he slips his hands around her and takes her into his tight grasp.

Her weight in his hands surprises him. For a small girl like her, he never expected her to be that heavy and it takes quite a while to settle her down, her head rolls against his chest, her eyes closed tight and the movement makes him laugh.

 

“Lee Joone! You’re damn heavy!” He comments to the sleeping girl, already aware that she hears nothing and slowly, keeping slow steps, he begins to make it upwards the slope.

 

When he’s up before the sliding door of her house, he’s exhausted only by her weight, and since both his hands are holding her, he has to use his foot to knock on the door. After a few knocks which he gives with his fullest effort, balancing her while so, the door slides open for him to see her granny’s surprised face. Soon her eyes lands on the sleeping girl in his hand.

 

“What’s wrong?” She asks with genuine concern as he enters through the door wide opened. He shakes his head. “She’s fine, just asleep…”

 

“Oh” Relief sweeps through her face. She leads him towards her bedroom; he makes his way slowly towards it, then into the room towards her bed. All through this, she’s silently lost in her dreams, her eyes tightly closed, her head laid against his chest and her hand falling down lifelessly as he carries her to the bed. He slowly lays her down in the light blue quilt, afraid that he will wake her, and once she’s peacefully in her spreads, still having her sleep undisturbed. He steps back and smiles. Whatever will happen on earth, if it’s a major earthquake, landslide or whatever, she will never awake from her deepest sleep.

 

“That’s how she’s like” Granny comments as he stands back and buries his hands in his pocket. He responds only with a smile. “I think it’s something she got from her father…”

 

He only nods with a smile in response, and stares at her wishing he could do it forever. But the time doesn’t allow him to. Comparing to the hours that he has spent with unloving Hyun-A, the time he has spent  with Lee Joone is far less, he wish he can be with her more longer, hours, days, he wouldn’t care, he just wants to spend more time with her, now that they’re finally together, but the time will never allow him to.

 

He lifts his hand and looks at the time, it’s past eleven, his parents, although he’s not very sure about it, must be wondering where the hell he has vanished to, and also he can’t take the risk. He takes one more glance at Lee Joone who’s still in her deep sleep and turns to granny.

 

“I have to go…elder…shall I?” He asks with a pleasant smile. She also smiles at her being equally as pleasant. “Yes of course my dear…she’ll be fine…I’ll tell her…”

 

He nods and turns to leave, but suddenly remembering, he turns back towards Lee Joone, and slowly step towards her. And for some reason, having grandma around him doesn’t bother him at all. He sits down beside her on the bed and watch her angel-like face for a while and smiles before he leans in towards her. He watches only her as he slowly pressed his lips on her forehead, and then on her lips, the sweet, mellow sensation overwhelms him, but he holds back his desires and slowly move back, but for his surprise, her eyes suddenly flutters open, probably surprised by his touch. He stares at how her innocent eyes watched only him and soon she mutters; “Where am I?”

 

He laughs slightly and moves away. “At home…where else did you expect?”

 

She widens her eyes and turns to her side. “Halmeoni~?”

 

Her grandmother responses with a laughter. “You little devil…troubling your boyfriend a lot, aren’t you?”

 

“Ani…Gwenchana…” Won Bin says, meaning to cover up for her but receives her kind concern. “But honey, is your foot okay?”

 

He laughs in resonse.

 

“Now that you mention it, It didn’t occur to me until now, granny”

She stares at him in disbelief. “So you’re alright?”

 

Won Bin nods. “I feel great” And looks slyly at Lee Joone who has turned completely red. Lee Joone and her lame excuses. Has she ever thought how they can get away from it?

 

“Anyway” He says to both Lee Joone and her grandma. “Better get going, it’s getting late-,”

 

“Kajima…Won Bin…” Lee Joone interrupts suddenly, in her innocent, low voice and he immediately turns to her. “Kajimayo…”

 

“But-,” He begins to interrupt but when she reaches out and takes his hand, he can say no more.

 

“Jebal kajimayo…” She pleads, her eyes glittering as she does. He parts his lips to speak up, be he can’t. Instead, he only smiles and follows as she looks up at her grandmother.

 

“Halmeoni…please make him stay…” She pleads, her fingers tangling up in his, and for his surprise, granny serves them with a nod, followed with a pleasant smile.

 

“Well…since my little devil is asking me…I don’t see a reason to say no…as long as there is no harm done…”

 

“Jinjayo?” Lee Joone says and sits upright, looking as though she is declared to be the president. “Oh! Gomowo Halmeoni!”

 

“Seriously Joonie! You will have to pay me back when my mum kills me off tonight!” Won Bin says with a laugh. She smiles. “So will you stay?”

 

He looks at her grandmother for help, she only nods. He too, feeling as though his wishes are coming through, turns back to Lee Joone.

 

“Well…I see I have no other option then…”

 

Lee Joone hops up and throws her hands across him. “Gomowo Won Bin-ah!”

 

He laughs and pats on her shoulder. “You still owe me for this pretty lady”

 

“I’ll leave you two alone then…” grandma says, suddenly interrupting them. They both turn to her.

 

“I need a good sleep….good night…and Lee Joone, lock the door afterwards okay?”

 

Won Bin looks at Lee Joone, but she seems to only take it as something which happens everyday and smiles. “Sure sure….Good night!”

 

“Good night sweety…and you too Won Bin dear…” She says in reply and soon, leaves closing the door behind her, leaving them alone in her room. Won Bin watches her go and lets out a sigh.

 

“Your fault” Lee  Joone says gaining his attention, he laughs slightly and raises his brows. “What is my fault…”

 

She buries herself in her bedspreads. “You humiliated me at the market, so I’m keeping you here…punishment…”

“Really?” He asks with a laugh. “If that’s so, this is the best punishment that I’ve ever got”

 

She gives him a look. “Conditions applied”

 

He widens his eyes. “What conditions?”

 

She lifts the light blue quilt up to her chin. “You can’t go until I fall asleep”

 

“That’s all?”

 

She shakes her head. “Ani….” And moves to a side in her bed. “You’d have to come here…”

 

Won Bin looks at her with surprise. “What if I don’t want to?”

 

She looks at him, taken aback. “Why not?”

 

“Well…obvious reasons…you know how your granny and aunt are…”

 

She laughs and waves him away. “Don’t worry about that, Granny, I’m sure she’s busy sleep talking and Mi Ja  won’t even bother….plus, it’s not like we’re….you know…doing anything…”

 

He sighs and looks up at the roof. He turns back only when he has his mind made up. “Only until you fall asleep”

 

She smiles and pats on the bed beside her. “Come on…feel like home…”

 

He says nothing but removes his sneakers before laying down inside the bed in the space she has made for him, and he actually finds it comfortable, she has left enough warmth on where she lied before, and he’s receiving it, calming him down as though she’s assuring him that everything’s alright. He stares up at the roof above him, having his head buried in the cotton pillow. He can’t think of anything more comfortable. Although it’s nothing like the feather pillows he has back at home, the softest feeling her pillow is giving is more than enough for him, he fears he’d fall asleep all before she does. It’s her voice which drags him back to earth.

 

“Feeling good?” She asks in a low voice. He nods. “Mmhm…feeling great…”

 

“It’s nice…isn’t it…?”

 

“What is?” He asks, unable to understand what she means. He feels her turning beside him.

 

“Having somebody to love you…isn’t it great?”

 

He nods and smiles, unable to find his words. How can he explain it? The sweetest signals he’s receiving as long as he’s with her, how can he ever explain them to her?

 

“I feel so warm…usually, at night…I feel so cold…and I will always wish for someone to hold on to…but now…I don’t need it anymore…”

 

He moves closer and turns to her. “You feel warmer?”

 

She nods and cuddles herself in him, pressing her face into his shirt. “It’s warmer…”

And slowly she runs her hands around him. He too, runs his hands around her and holds her closer, and for a moment, both remain silent, hand in hand, lost in each other and he wishes this could be forever. He wishes he can hold her forever, no matter what will happen, he wishes he will never be separated from her, because only now he realizes how much he loves her, and he can’t think of a life without her.

 

It’s after a while that she speaks. “Tell me something…”

 

“What do you want to hear?” He asks in a voice, almost a whisper. She tugs at his shirt and touches the kitty pendant lovingly. “Tell me…how this all started…”

 

“Well…” He says, running his mind back in time… “I think…I think it started that day….when I called you crap…”

 

“Really?” She asks, glancing up at him with surprise. “That long ago?”

 

He nods. “I’m…sorry about that…Joonie…I really didn’t mean to hurt you…I was such a crappy idiot…”

 

She laughs. “Andwae! Well, infact, I didn’t remember it, only you reminded me of that incident just now…”

 

He sighs. “Even still…I hate myself for doing that…”

 

She shakes her head, reaches up and leaves a sweet peck on his lips. “Don’t regret anything you have done in your life…”

 

He laughs. “Yeah right…the only thing that I don’t regret in my life is meeting you…and also making the treasure…”

 

“And calling me crap, it’s also a part of it…you don’t have to regret it because I AM crap”

 

“Ani…You’re not…Didn’t I tell you…never underestimate yourself, joonie….”

 

She cuddles him even closer. “Ah…Arayo….i won’t do it again…”

 

“That’s better” He says and presses his lips against her forehead. He looks into her face, suddenly remembering. “Anyway…I thought you don’t date younger boys…”

 

She shakes her head into his shirt. “I don’t…”

 

He raises his brows, and comprehending what he means, she clenches her fist and slightly hits him on his chest. “Idiot! Why will you tell me that! And it’s only one month…ONE MONTH!”

 

He laughs in response. “But still! I’ll have to call you noona then.”

 

She hits him even more. “Paboya! You make me feel older!”

 

“Wae? Aren’t you?”

 

She presses her cheek against his chest. “Then I’ll call you oppa. Happy?”

He thinks it out for a minute, and then nods. “Okay….nobody has ever called me oppa before…”

 

She looks up at him. “Craeyo?”

 

He nods.

 

“Then Hyun-A is older?”

 

He nods with response. “Older than you are…”

 

“oh…” she replies and says no more.

 

“But don’t be upset…” Won Bin says after a while, fearing it that he made her feel bad, but she shakes her head. “Aniya…I was just thinking…”

 

“Thinking what…?” He asks.

 

“It must have been really hard for you…holding onto someone who doesn’t even care”

 

He nods, remembering that time, how badly he feared it back when Hyun-A was the supervisor, that she will go and tell on him anytime, but now, he’s glad he has Lee Joone, whom he can trust more than anything else although his secret is out now.

 

“I’m glad that things have changed now…” He says and hugs her closer. “I’m glad now I have you…”

 

“Me too…” she says, and for a moment, both remain silent. It’s after a while that she speaks again.

 

“So was it…because of her…that you let go of it?”

 

He looks at her questioningly. “Let go of what?”

 

“The harmonica…was it because of her?”

 

He says nothing for a while, folding through his memories, trying to find the right one, but only all his history is buried under his new memories with Lee Joone that it takes a while for him to come up with the right answer.

 

“Partially…” He says after a while. “She stared it…it was mum and dad mostly…”

 

“Why? You didn’t even tell me the story…”

 

“That…well…”

 

“Tell me…”

 

Won Bin sighs. “It’s nothing much…really…”

 

“Just tell me…”

 

He looks at the kitty he gave her which is placed on the cabinet beside her. “I had this habit of playing it since I was ten…but mum and dad never knew…Only noona did because it was her who bought it for me…But after I met Hyun-A…”

 

“What happened…?” She asks with genuine concern.

 

“She forced me to stop taking it around, saying that it belongs to the lower classed people…I never got what she means…still don’t…so I didn’t stop it….then she told her mother about it, she said that to my mum…I had to put it away since…and now that I’m with you…”

 

“I think she meant people like us…” She says in a low voice. He immediately looks into her eyes. “No…don’t ever say that because you’re not…she meant people like her…not the kind hearted ones like you”

 

“You say I’m kind hearted?” She asks in a whisper, he slowly touches her cheek. “That’s another reason why I love you Lee Joone…”

 

“That’s good to hear…But you still didn’t tell me the story…Won Bin oppa…”

 

“I did…there’s nothing much, I told you…”

 

She closes her eyes and buries herself against him. “Say some more…I don’t want to sleep…”

 

He stares ahead, wondering what more he can say, and after a while, he asks. “How about you? How did it all start for you?”

 

She goes on the tiny Kitty pendant on his neck, her fingertips giving goose bumps all over him.

 

“Well…I think it was Soyogi…”

 

“Really?” He asks with surprise. “So you…sensed it might be for you…?”

 

“I…don’t know…back then, it made me feel so sad…as though I’m fooling myself…and now I feel so happy…”

 

He smiles. “Then it must have been intuition…”

 

She nods. “I guess it was…”

 

And for the next few minutes, the unbearable silence overtakes them. He doesn’t know what time it is although he’s pretty sure its way beyond the time that his parents expect him to be at home. But he really doesn’t want to go. He’d live in this moment as long as he will have to and he won’t care how long it will be, as long as the minutes he spends with her don’t end too soon. He then begins to feel her pressing herself more against him, he cuddles her closer.

 

“Wae…? If you’re sleepy-,”

 

She shakes her head. “I don’t want to sleep….not yet…”

 

“But Lee Joone-,”

She lifts her head and looks into his eyes. “I’m afraid to, Oppa…I’m afraid you won’t be here when I wake up…you will be gone…”

 

He smiles and her hair. “Well…How can I help it…? I have to go…”

 

“But we will be apart…I hate it…”

 

“I do too…and that’s why you need to sleep, so that we can wake up to the next day and still meet each other again…isn’t it nice?”

 

She nods and let out a sigh. “Yeah…guess it is…if you still want to see me tomorrow…”

 

Won Bin widens his eyes. “Of course I do! Why do you even say that?”

 

She looks up at him with a smile. “Then prove it…or I wouldn’t know…”

 

“How?” He asks, curiously, partially sensing what she means, he fully comprehends it when she smiles wider, her eyes glittering with pleasure.

 

“Kiss me…”

 

He widens his eyes, realizing his assumptions are true. “Is this a part of the punishment?”

 

She nods and moves herself upwards to reach him, and clutches onto his shirt. “You can put it that way…”

 

“The things I’m doing for you…” Won Bin says with a laugh and slowly runs his fingers around her neck, his thumb grazing the skin on her jaw line. He sees her smile, her eyes shining like a pair of stars, and as he moves closer, her breath collides with his, he feels warmer and more secure than he has ever felt before. It’s as though she’s assuring him that as long as he’s with her, nothing will go bad. As though the world that only He and Lee Joone shares is protected by the love which keeps them bonded, and the mere feeling of it makes him want to live in this moment forever, and so he closes his eyes, and moves in, finally touching his lips on hers.

 

 

Just as always, the tiniest touch feels so wonderful, gradually melting him underneath just as it always does. As he goes on with the passionate bond of their lips, the sweetness overwhelming him, he pulls her closer, and parts his lips even more along with hers. He doesn’t know how long he goes on nibbling on her lips so lovingly; all that he knows is that he’s not of this world anymore. He’s gotten carried away, and he doesn’t know how to find his way back home. He’s lost, he’s lost in a separate dimension where everything’s perfect, where they are meant to be together, where there’s nobody to interrupt the love they share, where he’s truly happy as though there’s nothing else which really matters in his life.

 

Slowly he her cheek with his thumb, he feels her fingers still clutching onto the cloth of his shirt, and once in a while, he’d open his eyes, and sees her eyes closed tight, obviously enjoying it, it makes him feel happier. And then again, everything she does make him feel happy and she needs no effort to see him smile.

 

It’s when he feels her gradually becoming lifeless that he finally pulls away, completely breathless and he sees her slowly falling asleep. Her lips are still parted, but as he moves slightly away, she presses her head against his chest and drifts into a peaceful sleep as though nothing can interrupt her. He lets out a slight laugh. “So you were holding it back weren’t you?” He asks as though she can hear him. She says no word, just goes on sleeping against him and he’s actually enjoying it. She has been feeling sleepy all alone, but just as he wanted it, she has been holding it back by bringing up completely useless conversations. Lee Joone and her sleep. What more does he need to know? Anything but talking will generally put her to sleep, and this is the first time that he’s seeing a girl falling asleep after a passionate kiss, he wonders if the sleep really does come in between, but what can he say? It already has! He smiles and her cheek, and as he does, the words of ‘Always be mine’ comes to his head, which says everything about what he’s going through right now, and all of it are just wonderful, so he ignores the fact that he needs to be home before long and holds her tighter, slightly singing it as he does. He can’t think of a moment any better. And so the time goes on.

 

It’s so long before he finally pulls away from her and climbs off the bed. His watch happens to read one in the midnight, he lets out a long sigh, it’s by the time that his parents never expect him to return home, and also which he considers as the best time of the day to do so. He sits on the quilt beside her and puts his shoes back on. He’s completely sleepy himself, he wishes he can return to where he was and simply drift away, but only, he can’t, he has to leave. It takes so much of courage of him to finally make up his mind to do so. The night surely has fully come up, and the dawn will approach sooner than he knows, so he decides to take one last glance at her, but when he does, it’s not enough. He leans over and leaves a sweet kiss on her forehead, then on the cold tip of her nose, finally moving to her lips. He smiles at her sleeping face when he’s done.

 

“Saranghae…Lee Joone” He says his favourite words, bringing an end to their first real date. A few more minutes of watching her and he finally calls it a day.

 

When he reaches home, feeling light, in fact, being on cloud nine, its way past the time of expecting his parents to be awake. He opens the gate himself, not wanting to wake the guard up at this time of the day, opens the roller gate to the garage and parks the jeep before hoping out, it feels as though it has been ages since he left the house, it’s as though he’s finally returning to the sourness of the reality.

 

Burying his key in his pocket, he walks back inside having a good look on his guard’s room which is situated in a corner of the massive garden, and for some reason, the light inside is still on, he’s still awake. A strange feeling sweeps inside him, and it worsens when he sees it, a red car parked in the stone path, and it’s not fear which over takes him, its strange happiness with curiosity all along. A smile spreads across his face as he walked faster towards the house, still wondering: why? At a time like this? But then again, he doesn’t care. He rushes his way into the house.

 

But as soon as he’s inside, he finds the atmosphere so strange, so…lively, as though the night has never come. The lights are still up, and he can hear voices in the living room…it’s one thirty in the midnight, and strangely, half of the people are still up. A shrill runs down his spines. What could this be? Is something wrong? Somebody hurt? Why is his sister here? And why the hell is a maid passing by him, looking at him as though she’s…pitying him…? What on earth can be wrong…?

 

And then he hears it, making another unbearable cold shrill run downwards his spine, making fear overtake him, a loud cry comes from the living room, his heart comes up to his throat with anger and fear.

It’s Hyun-A…Hyun-A is here…and she’s crying her lungs out.

 

“Oh please!” Sounds his sisters voice. “Would you stop it and listen to me? I can explain if you shut the hell up!”

 

“Yoo Bin!” Says his mother harshly, another shrill takes him over. “Stop covering up for him! Let him come and do it himself”

 

What is going on? Why is Hyun-A here? Why is she…crying? Why would his sister cover up for him?

 

By any chance…are they waiting for him…? By any chance…have they gotten to know…?

 

He can’t tell….not yet….not until he finds it out himself….not until he walks in there and cover it up for whatever he has done…

 

And through the crying and yelling inside the living room, he begins to hear Lee Joone’s sweet voice in his head, soothing his mind than ever before….and as always, she mutters the truth….now only he understands…it’s the truth…

 

And so he begins to walk towards the voices are coming from, and as he got nearer, he comprehends it that every voice has something to do with him. Yes, just as he thought…they’ve been waiting for him.

 

“Paboya!” Hyun-A screams in an ear pitching voice. “He’s a freaking paboya!”

 

When he’s just a few feet away from the door, he grows to know that he’s yet to enter the sourness of reality, the real sourness of reality….the reality where his love…is forbidden…where he’s to love the unloved, where he’s to only hope and wish for a real love, where he and Lee Joone, where the love that they share…never exist…

And also where his true self has finally been revealed.

 

He takes a deep breath and closes his eyes. This can’t happen…he’s been trying his best to keep it protected so dearly, so that he and Lee Joone can love just the way they want behind everyone’s back….but by some mistake, all of it has been revealed.

 

But Lee Joone’s right. He has to be strong…he shouldn’t depend on anyone, he can’t expect for anyone to cover up for him. He must be strong and brave, he must have the courage, he has to have the confidence to face what’s real. He has to protect his love…

 

And so he opens his eyes and pushes his way into the living room, entering another one hell of a nightmare….then again, everything to do with his mother and Hyun-A…they’re nightmares…

 

As soon as the door opens, the room sinks into utter silence, every eye in the room turns to him.

 

Sitting in the sophisticated room are a total of four people. His mother, his sister, Hyun-A and her faithful guard in his usual suit with a box of tissues in his hand as she went on sobbing the hell out. As soon as she sees him, she begins to scream louder, gets up on her feet and rushes towards him. At that very moment, he asks himself to not to pretend. He doesn’t want to pretend. He doesn’t love her, and he doesn’t want to pretend anymore.

 

“Naeul paboya!” She screams into his face and grabs his hand so harshly, tears spring and roll down her cheeks. “You lied to me you paboya! You said you liked me, you lied to me! PABOYA!!!”

He says nothing but remains frozen to the spot. He doesn’t want to think or imagine what might happen next, so instead, he lets his mind drift away into deep thoughts and lets it file through the night he spent with Lee Joone tonight…he thinks of her smile, her voice, her laughter, her feel…her touch…

 

“You said you loved me!” She screams again and again, but never does he move. He watches her, though…and he feels as though he’s watching candid camera. He can’t help thinking it that this is the most pathetic thing that he has ever seen. Her fake cries and fake tears. She really should take up acting rather than following him around saying that she wants to play the violin. She sounds worse than a violin herself! What pathetic desperation!

 

After watching the nonsense for long enough, after he has grown enough of it, to be frank, he slowly takes his hand away from her grip and walks to his sister, leaving Hyun-A speechless behind him.

 

He sees Yoo Bin watching him with an edge of urgency in her eyes, he has the constant glare of his mother on him, which he decides to ignore only until she speaks, but when she does, he can’t ignore her anymore. Her voice comes along with what she throws harshly onto the coffee table before him, he sits down, and with much care, he takes what’s there before him into his hands. He can’t explain how exactly he feels just now.

It’s a photograph, not just any photograph…it’s a photograph of a couple, a couple engaged in a passionate kiss under the gleaming sunlight, the girls curled up hair shining so wonderfully, her eyes closed tight, her hands around the neck of the man, her fingers gripping into his red-brown hair, and his hands gripped around the graceful curves of her waist, cornered to a wall…and for a moment, he can’t think of anything more beautiful. It’s them…Lee Joone and Won Bin…it’s them engaged in a passionate kiss…it’s the moment which he will never forget, the moment when he confessed his love to her and the moment when the time brought them together.

 

He stares into it for quite a while. it’s as though he’s unaware of those who are around him, watching his conduct. No, he doesn’t care being watched. Like he asked himself before, he doesn’t want to pretend anymore, because that’s what which is real. Only she’s real for him although as long as he’s living the nightmare where she’s far from being with him to share his fears, she’s the only person that he can consider real.

Unaware to him, a smile spreads across his face as he holds the photograph so dearly. It’s in a distant voice that he hears his mother speak.

 

“Who is she?” She asks urgently, but his mind being far away, rerunning the moment he’s holding in his hands in motion in his head, he answers in an equally distant voice. “She’s my girl…”

 

“Won Bin!” Yoo bin demands harshly, and surprised by her tone, he immediately looks up to face her.

“Where did you get this?” He finally asks, gradually approaching his senses. He can’t drift away anymore. When it comes to issues with his sister, she means business.

 

“It was with the photographs from the wedding reception” His mother answers and retrieves the picture from his grasp, making his heart skip a beat.

 

“The photographer has only seen it as a beautiful scene” Yoo Bin adds. “He hasn’t had any intention-,”

 

“Don’t try to-!”

“Stop it!” Won Bin manages harshly, and it surprises everyone in the room. He takes a deep breath and turns to his sister. “Don’t cover up for me anymore…I can do this”

 

“Won Bin…” She mutters but he shakes his head, indicating her to stop. She does.

 

“Whatever the intention of the photographer, it doesn’t matter…Won Bin, what really matters is lying…you lied to your parents, you lied to Hyun-A, and you’re such a disappointment”

 

He lets out a sigh. “I was obvious enough…”

 

“But that doesn’t make you innocent” Says his mother matter of factly.

 

“I’m not explaining my innocence…mother…only that all of you took time to understand…”

 

“Understannd what?” She says and holds the photograph before his face. “This? That my son is not doing what his parents ask him to? That my son is disappointing me?”

 

Won Bin looks away. “I didn’t know I was disappointing anyone…I was rather disappointed myself back then because I was lying to myself enough…”

 

Hyun-A begins to cry harder. Only then he realizes it that he actually said that, he just said it he has never loved her. But then again, how can he help it? It’s the truth!

 

“I KNEW IT! I KNEW SOMETHING WAS WRONG!” Screams Hyun-A once more, her faithful guard pats her on her bony shoulder as she cried even harder. Won Bin turns to his mother.

 

“It’s not an excuse Won Bin, You know how high our expectations are, and we never expected you to go beyond what we ask for, but you have. Your sister followed after the footsteps, but you…”

 

“Like I said, mother, I don’t want to lie to myself….Noona followed your footsteps because she can do it…I don’t because I can’t…there are perspectives-,”

 

“Perspectives?” Asks his mother. “Are you telling that you’ll have things your way, Won Bin?”

 

“Mother I-,” He opens his mouth to speak but stops when she begins to yell at him.

 

“Do you think this is a game Won Bin? You are to listen to what your parents ask you, you’re to do what we want you to do, do you think all the nonsense that you imagine can really workout?”

 

Won Bin takes a deep breath and remains silent. How can he explain it? How can he explain it to her that he doesn’t want it? How can he explain it that who’s really imagining here is her?

 

She carries on.

 

“Besides, you told me that there’s nothing between you and her Won Bin, and I trusted you, but now? Would you still deny it?”

 

For that, he answers with a smile. “Back then, we loved each other but there was nothing going on…but now I will never deny it….I have my confidence. I love Lee Joone…”

 

“Won Bin…”

“I KNEW IT! WON BIN YOU FOOL!!!” Hyun-A screams again, and Won Bin tries his best to ignore. He can’t believe he has been with this kind of a girl for two years!

 

“Don’t you see how much you have hurt her?” His mother asks slowly, glancing at Hyun-A who is now sobbing into a stack of tissues. “You  have lied to so many…”

 

“That’s her fault…” He answers simply, not thinking it will hurt her. But she immediately stops crying and turns to him.

 

“My fault? How is it my fault?”

 

He makes her a face. “I could have told you but since I wanted to keep it from my parents, I couldn’t…”

 

She only stares at him with disbelief. He simply adds. “You backstab, you tell tales...and you expected me to love you?”

 

Hyun-A goes on staring at him, tears flowing downwards on her cheeks.

 

“I’m sorry Hyun-A but I never loved you…I was with you just because I had to, just because I had no other option but ‘follow’ what my parents were asking me to…but when I found myself an option, I caught up with it…if you understand what I mean-,”

 

“But I loved you Won Bin!” She mutters in a trembling voice. He shakes his head. “Well, I thought so too…because except for what I got from noona, the kind of love I knew is yours and my mother’s which frankly, are the same…But Lee Joone…after her I got to know what it truly means…and it has nothing to do with you…”

 

Hyun-A shakes her head and sobs harder. “You don’t understand Won Bin! I loved you! I always did-!”

 

“You did?” Won Bin asks, his eyebrows rose. “But did you ever know that I never received what I expected from it? Hyun-a, Love is not only hugging and kissing and telling each other ‘I love you’ over and over again…there’s a lot which comes along, and I got none of it from you…But Lee Joone? She did everything for me…she’d listen to me to whatever I have to say, she’d always make me feel better, she’d always smile and make me happy…she will never try to hurt me, and even if she does, she never means it, she will go through hell and make it up to me. She doesn’t think of herelf when it comes to sacrificing, she’d hide it away if she believes if something of her might affect me, whatever she says is true. And she never backstabs, never go around and spread tales about me, she keeps my secrets and helps me whenever I need it. Whatever happens, she will always serve me with a smile….Have you ever done any of it to me?”

 

The room remains in utter silence as  Hyun-A stares at him with disbelief. He can feel all the other eyes on him, but he only watches her, trying to find an answer, but he can feel it he never will. Hyun-A, she’s always been nothing but a lie to him.

 

She stares at him long enough and slowly answers. “But I love you…Won Bin…”

 

He makes a mocking smile and turns away. “Yeah right…I know…”

 

“Won Bin…” His mother says harshly. “Did you ever realize that Hyun-A is actually your future wife? Is this how you tend to treat her?”

 

Won Bin makes a face, not really intending to, but the very thought of it disgusts him. “Frankly, yes, mother, because it will never happen.”

 

“Why? You have your expectations on marrying the supervisor girl?” His mother asks, he shakes his head in response, and he has never felt so confident in speaking up against his mother before but now, he feels as though he will never let this battle go.

 

“I haven’t thought of it at all because I’m still too young for it, and also because I have a lot more better things to think about…”

 

His mother says nothing but watches him with hatred eyes, and so he continues. “And Lee Joone and I, we are still students, and we share only a relationship with having no intention to lead it to a marriage, and also I’m never going to even imagine being married to Hyun-A…Mianne…”

 

There’s silence and being odd enough, the intense atmosphere inside the room seems to gradually go away, and only except for Hyun-A’s sobbing, there’s complete silence in the room. Won Bin gradually grows to believe it that his mother has, at least up to some extent has understood his state whereas his sister knows it all. The only person he knows who couldn’t understand is Hyun-A.

He watches her long, he can feel his mother and his sister watching him, but he doesn’t care. He has always thought Hyun-A was really beautiful, She really is, there’s no doubt about that. There’re many times that he has wished he can love her, he has wished her to truly love him back. At times he was happy to spend time with her, but that was two years ago, back when both of them were very young, when they used discuss all the childish things like likes and dislikes, but as the time went by, when they both grew up, he grew tired of her because all she did to him was crap. She’d backstab, smile on his face and tell all about him to his mother that he had to keep all of his secrets to himself, and for Won Bin who believed of honesty and keeping no secrets in a relationship, it was very hard. He had every reason to merely pretend. How could he love her when he was being treated like crap?

But just now, he feels as though he has treated her like crap himself, and for some instinct, he wants to apologize, or else he’d be worrying about things forever. He doesn’t know whether her crying and sobbing are real, all that he has seen of her is fake so he can’t tell what he’s seeing now is real or not. But only that she has treated him like crap doesn’t mean he has to do the same either.

So he lets out a long sigh and slowly reaches out to take her hand in his, it feels so odd, after holding Lee Joones soft but worked-up hands for so long, it’s so odd to feel hyun-A’s hand in his, because it feels strangely so soft and light and yet more pale and lifeless whereas lee Joone’s is much hard-working, soft and more heavy and lively after the lack of work she has done with it for a single day. But he decides to ignore it all for a while and speaks when he realizes that all the eyes are apparently on him.

“Look…I’m really sorry that I’m doing this to you…and also if you’re really hurt…but seeing…this is the reality, Hyun-A, I don’t want to ask myself over and over again to do what I really don’t want to do but do what I really want…I just can’t help it…”

 

Hyun-A says nothing but only watches him, he stares into her tear-filled eyes and goes on.

 

“There are many times that I have wanted to really love you…but you always stopped me. I don’t why you did all that but no matter how I tried,  all the mean things that you did to me…they scared me and haunted me…I don’t know…maybe that’s what made me so mean…and hopeless…and it was Lee Joone who changed it all…that’s why I love her…”

 

She watches his hand pressed on her and finally looks up.

 

“But I always loved you…Won Bin…I was so scared I might lose you…I never knew…”

 

He shakes his head. “But now you know…and you need to understand…I wish you will…”

 

With that he gives her a smile and squeezes her hand before retrieving it, then he gets up on his feet and looks down at his mother and his sister, then he smiles, surprising them and greeted them for a good night before heading out of the room.

 

Sitting on his bed in his own room, Won Bin begins to wonder if what he did is right. He must have hurt her, although he couldn’t find it in her face, he just feels so, he feels as though he just hurt her, and for the first time in his life, it concerns him. But then again, comparing to the countless times that she has done it to him, threatening him and controlling him wickedly, putting him down to a stage where nobody’s concerned, what exactly has he done to her? And comparing to how badly he has hurt Lee Joone, does Hyun-a really have a reason to break down that so? He shakes his ead outrageously and lets out a long sigh. In a way, he’s glad that everything’s known, now he doesn’t have to hide her anymore, and maybe things will be just how he wants them to be, and finally, one day, he will be able to let everyone else know who he really loves. And only now he knows that Lee Joone’s right. It has to be all about himself because that’s what really matters.

 

But then again, what will be the risks that he would have to take in the future. He knows his mum won’t completely ruin everything although she can create chaos up to a certain extent, but his father? The Kim’s? Hyun-a? And also since his sister won’t be around him for too long, he will have to live through it all by himself, and he has to keep it all from Lee Joone, what he will have to through for her. The next option is to win BOTB, or he will surely lose it all…

But his head is heavy and full to bear it all. The clock on the bedside table reads one thirty five in the morn, and the very sight of his bed makes him want to jump right in and sleep, but no. He needs a good bath, a shower maybe, and let himself drift into a peaceful sleep. And so he begins to move towards the bathroom, his eyes slightly closed, a massive yawn escaping his lips.

Its long before he finally finds himself buried among the soft sheets of his bed, staring up at the roof….and it hits him, how his mother remained silent after he explained everything. Her silence, instead of what he expects from her…what does it mean? His mother, true, has been mean to him for so long, shadowed by his father’s pride. And she is not someone who can be silenced so easily…what made her be that way? Is it that…she’s finally beginning to understand that nothing’s the same anymore? Does it mean that she will really accept this change one day? Will he have to wait long for it? But just as how he’s known for it, his mother is as equally as secretive. One minute, a cold hearted wickedness will overpower her…and the next; she’s a person that nobody can understand, just as how he used to be before Lee Joone changed it all. And he wishes if his mother could be changed just the same, so that the old time he shared with her will return to his life, and he will know that except for Lee Joone, there’s another one person by whom he is loved.

 

It’s his exhaustion which brings the sleep to his so soon, He doesn’t want to stay up anymore, he has no reason to, well, he has all his reasons to sleep before Hyun-a nightmare returns, and it doesn’t take long for him to get lost in his own dreams where everything’s fine, and nothing else matters.

 

 

 

 

 

It wonders her, how soon the time has passed by. She remembers it so clearly, almost so solidly the moment that she got him first in her hands. She can still remember the softest cloud-like weight in her hands, the slight, yet heart-filling moans, and her tears flowing down with a smile…the moment that she got herself the biggest gift of her life, of her deepest desires. That very moment,  she promised herself that she will never let anything go wrong, she promised him that she will protect him over her life…but has she done it? Has she kept her promise? She still can’t tell. She’s so afraid. Once where she lost it all, she’s so afraid it will happen again, and if it ever does, she will never make it through the rest of her life. But the truth shall always lie only in her heart, nothing beyond.

 

With a tight knot stuck in , she bears her eyes into the moment which stands still before her eyes, her precious gift has made a great step…he has grown to learn how to love. Oh how wonderful! How happy should she be by now? Hadn’t she waited for this moment for so long? Hadn’t she dreamed of seeing him grown up and being in love one day? But what exactly she feels is not happiness. It’s something which she just can’t understand…something beyond. Is it fear? Surprise? She just can’t tell. All she knows is that he has changed. The most precious thing in this world for her…has finally found himself a way to step into an all new life.

 

She doesn’t know whether this is the right time to accept it, or whether to ever accept it. He’s still so young in her eyes, so tiny and fragile all though he prefers to act so grown up, he’s still hunters and pilots and paper planes in her eyes. How can she ever accept it that he has really grown up? She was fine back when he was with Hyun-a, because she saw it that none of it was real, she was glad that it happened to be that way so that she can keep her precious gift by herself for long until it’s high time to let him go. But she couldn’t hold him back, it’s a promise, and she can’t break it, no. She never will. He has to grow up on his own, learn on his own, face troubles on his own. He has been born to family with money, pride, but she can’t let it be a reason for him to grow up in luxurious life lacking of any kind of trouble. She needs him to grow up as a man strong enough to live through anything, and finally as a man who can protect himself as well that special someone who he loves. But its as though things has happened too soon. She didn’t expect him to find that special someone so soon, and now he has, she’s afraid she will have to let him go too soon. She doesn’t care for the Kim’s, she never liked them, never liked Hyun-a, and she hated it that he had to be with her, but she knew there was nothing going on, and she was happy that it was that way. But now, how can she stop herself? Her wonderful child, he can’t have grown up so soon to learn about love, he can’t have gathered courage enough to protect his love this so soon! Wasn’t he playing hunters in the rainforests just not so long ago? How possibly could this all happen?

 

It’s when she hears her older daughter’s voice that she grasps herself back off from her memories and sits back with a smile. Yoo Bin approaches her returning her a one just the same.

 

“Is he asleep?” She asks her anxiously. Yoo Bin shakes her head.

 

“Not yet…I think…

 

She nods and lets out a long sigh.It’s hard for her to decide. Is this the high time that she should let him know why she has been doing this to him? Treating him so bad, forcing him to love a girl whom he doesn’t like? Is this the right time? Is he old enough to bear it all?

 

She looks at her daughter for help.”Honey…is it…okay if he…knows…now?”

Yoo Bin stares at her with some thing close to surprise and uncertainity. What made her mother to suddenly bring it up?

 

After a while of confusion, she mutters. “It’s up to you…mum, if you think he should know…”

 

She stares into a dark, blank space, and with a sigh, she slowly nods. Yes. Although he seems so tiny in her eyes, he has grown up, and it’s high time for him to know everything…everything…

 

“Let’s go…” She says slightly and ignores her daughter gawking at her with surprise as she passes by her. She begins to slowly make it upwards the staircase, slowly, afraid she’d disturb her husband busy in his study, Yoo Bin following behind her.She can hear her footsteps, the thudding sound on the marble, but it’s no louder than her heartbeat. Soon she approaches her favourite room of the house.

 

She knocks on the door few times, realizing it that she can’t remember the last time that she did so. She only walks in when she assumes he’s asleep, and now, since the loud music which is usually there cannot be heard, she assumes it, he’s not asleep. It panics her when the door never  opens. Yoo bin lets out a sigh, and with a smile, she twists the knob of the door, it backs open, and only then they realize. He lies hidden under his quilts, sound asleep like an angel. His mother lets out a sigh. He’s asleep, and she can’t tell him now. She can’t disturb his sleep; he just seems so beautiful and peaceful... How can she ever disturb him?

 

“Well…?” Sounds Yoo Bin’s voice from behind her.

 

She shakes her head. “Don’t disturb him…let him sleep…”

 

“Will you ever tell him…mum…”

 

She looks down at him lovingly. “I will…But he’s still too young…”

 

And so the room buries itself in utter silence. Both the women watch the young man lying soundlessly in his bed, probably lost in his own childish dreams. Maybe the girl has everything to do with them, she knows how young mind works, she can remember how her mind did back when she was yet in this age, but she hates to accept it that her son has finally come to it, but he has. She wishes he never grew up so that she will never have had to treat him the way she did. Then he will still be sleeping in her hands, still playing hunters and pilots on his own, but no. He’s grown up to become a fine young man.

 

The very thought of it makes her want to see him, like really see him after looking at him with angry eyes for so long, and so slowly she begins to walk to him, her breathing tightenes when she’s close enough, tears well up in her eyes. An exact resemblance…a wonderful resemblance…a wonderful gift…

 

She sits on the bed beside him and stares at him long, silently. Pushing all her memories back inside her head, but she can’t. Her son…this is her son…the son she held in her hands and shed tears of happiness, holding the cloudlike weight against her heart, whispering to him over and over again that she will protect him…this is him…This is him who has grown up to become exactly like his father…

 

“I wish he never grew up…” She whispers to her daughter who approaches her, and puts a hand on her shoulder. “I wish…I wish he’s still that little boy who’d play all day long…”

“It never occurred that he has…” Yoo Bin adds behind her. “…Until now…He has changed a lot, hasn’t he?”

 

His mother nods. “I couldn’t believe it when he spoke so openly…as though he knows nothing can change him….so confident…”

 

Yoo Bin nods. “It’s great…to see him this way…not frowning and angry all the time like he used to do…”

 

“The girl…is she that good?” Her mother asks after a while, her eyes still watching her son. Yoo Bin nods.

 

“She’s wonderful…she listens to people, speaks to people….he told me so much about her…he says although they fight, she will always treat him with a smile…”

 

“That must be why he likes her…I’ve been such a bad mother…”

 

“Don’t take the promise too badly…mum…We don’t know whether it hurts him…he’s what’s more important here…”

 

Her mother lets out a long sigh and turns to her. “Wae…did he tell you anything…?”

 

Yoo Bin nods. “That day…when he got to know of the wedding…he said you…treat him…bad…he said he’s neglected…”

 

This hits her like a thunder in her heart. Neglected? She’s treated him that bad? Why didn’t it ever occur to her? She wanted to keep her promise. She wanted to let him grow on his own, and she only let that happen when she felt he might be ready, but she always watched him from a far. She knew about the band, she knew what he loved, but the promise, it has to be kept, and the promise, it doesn’t allow him to do what he desires, it doesn’t allow him to be loved and cared, it only allows him to grow as a man. It’s something that his life depends on because he doesn’t know what exactly he’s doing, what the outcome will be…how can she sit back and watch what he’s doing knowing that the same thing that once changed her life will happen once more? Will she ever be able to live through it if it will happen to her son?

 

“I don’t neglect him Yoo Bin, I don’t let your father take over his life…and I care for both of you…you know he needs more attention, but just…I’m afraid if it’s true…I will ruin him…” She moves her hand across to her son’s angel-like face and pushes his soft fringes off his face. “…Will we ever forgive ourselves if it happens again?”

 

“But he’s strong…mum, he knows what he’s doing…”

 

She sighs, knowing what she says is not how it really is. Once she knew of him who knew better, who knew what he’s doing, who thought what he’s doing is right. But what did he know when it was him who lost all he owned? He will never take it if her son will follow the same steps and end up in the same position, oblivious of where he’s going, which is nowhere. He has to learn on his own what is real and what is not, he should see what he really should do.

 

“We’ll see after the competition…” She says finally, hoping it that it will be what which will decide his future, whether what he’s doing is right or wrong. And she will wait, from a far she will watch and wait his only chance. But no matter if he succeeds or not, the promise will remain a promise. She will never break it and regret afterwards because she knows what she’s doing is right.

 

With a smile, she stands up and pulls his quilt up to his neck just like she used to do, but unlike all the other times, she happens to notice something strange, something that she has never expected to see before, and it really breaks her heart.

 

Instead of the golden chain that she put on him back when he was a child, around his neck is a thin platinum chain. Even in the dim light, she can see it so clearly that this is not what she gave him, she knows the chain just too well because it means everything to him as much he means everything to her. And seeing it that it’s no longer there, her heart falls and breaks into million pieces. She knows what it means. His mother, just because of how she treats him, is nothing to him. But how can she blame him? What love has she shown to him? Maybe the love that he receives from his girl means more to him…what other way is there to explain this?

 

Slowly, she pulls up the chain and sees the tiny silver kitty and she smiles. She knows why she does. Cats. It’s a wonder how the preference come from father to son. She looks away, trying to stop her tears, and after a while, she leans down and kiss her son on his forehead, then turn to her daughter.

 

“It’s late…” She says in a slow voice. “You better go home…”

 

Yoo Bin nods, and slowly lifts her hand. It’s the photograph of him with his girl, what which revealed the truth. It makes somewhat of a fire in her heart to see this is really him, but seeing how much it means to him, she slowly places it on the cabinet beside the bed before they silently leave him alone in his dreams.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, Won Bin wakes up with much effort trying not to throw his alarm clock to somewhere where it can’t bother him anymore, and when he steps down, he feels as though he has  been beaten up the night before. But he can’t stay home. After what happened the night before, he has no desire whatsoever to stay home, not even to sleep, knowing that he has his mother’s constant attention on him…but then again, she has no concern for anything to do with him, why would it really matter to him? Only except the Kim’s might turn up any moment now, and he’s not willing to take any risk. School seems to  be the best option no matter how sick he feels.

 

After a warm shower although it’s not cold anymore, he makes it down the staircase, his eyes still drooping with sleepiness. It’s another Tuesday morning, only a week and three days before the grand finals of the BOTB, and for these four days, the bands will have their usual practices, during next week, they will be getting ready for the grand finals, the practices being done at the venue itself. And he’s looking forward to it, more than anything else, it will just take away all the times that he will have to stay home and live the nightmare of not having his sister around.

 

He happens to be the first one to enter the dining hall, a pair of housemaids who are arranging the breakfast table treats him with a smile, he smiles back, only slightly, and sits down on his usual seat , moves his plates away and lay his hands on it followed by his head, his exhaustion and the lack of sleep will surely ruin his day…

 

It’s his mother’s voice which sounds behind him which catches his attention, and for a moment, he thinks its Yoo Bin. It’s her who will be concerned of whatever he will do, and his mother, he doesn’t remember the last time that she even called his name.

 

He slowly sits up and leans against his chair, his head heavier than ever before, and remains silent, staring into the empty cereal ball before him.

 

“Wae? Appo?” (Are you sick?) His mother asks, and for his surprise, with more feeling than she usually does. He doesn’t dare to look into her face but slowly shakes his head.

 

“Stay home if you feel sick” She orders as the maids approach with the food. He says nothing but remain in his silence, wondering what exactly made her be this so concerned. Why? She hardly ever cares for his existence!

 

He places his elbows on the table and buries his face in his hands, and he curses her, Hyun-A. If she never turned up the night before, he will not be in this state right now. Living in Lee Joone’s real fantasy no matter how long it will be, will never do this to him, she will never leave him anything to be frustrated with, but Hyun-A has completely ruined his day. Only until he meets her, he will remain the same under his mother’s heartless glare. He can’t think of anything more bothersome for him.

 

It’s not long before his father approaches the dining table, and the two of them stand up to wish him for a pleasant morning. As soon as he’s in his seat, the maids open the dishes, thus the breakfast begin.

 

But Won Bin has no appetite for any food to begin with. His mother’s sudden concern really bothers him. What exactly could that mean? There has been many times when he has gone through this, his exhaustion and the lack of sleep is nothing new to him, most of his late night practice days have been just the same, only that this once, he’s frustrated of his mother’s doing. Is this a part of her plan on convincing him to do what they want to do? Convince him to get back together with Hyun-A by playing whatever the plans she has on him? For so long, that’s what he has known of his parents, threatening and convincing him to do what they want him to do instead of what he wants to, and never did they care for how he must be feeling, how it must be affecting him. But this once, he’s not letting them do it again. He will fight back and have what he wants no matter what they try to do to him, because what he has now, what he’s about to lose if he doesn’t fight, is the most precious thing that he has right now.

Just as always, its his father who finishes his meal first, and so he speaks, just as Won Bin expected.

 

“You have disappointed us again…” He says in that voice which makes Won Bin lose all the strength he has. “How wonderful. Musician Oh Ji Won’s son…Shouldn’t he be following his father? Do what his parents say?”

 

Won Bin remains silent, staring down at his still empty bowl.

 

“You’re nothing but a shame to your family! For all these years…every daughter and son of this family, everyone of them were married to the one that their parents proposed…and now you…How can we face the Kim family now? How can we face the world-!”

 

“Enough!” Says his mother, her voice louder than usual which surprises him, and Won Bin looks up. Seeing him, his mother turns away and mutters to his father.

 

“Teacher Ji Won…” She mutters in her trembling voice. “Please let him be-,”

 

“Let him be? Don’t you see what he has done? What would happen to my dignity? My career? Being the father to a shameless boy like him and you ask me to let him be?”

 

“He will settle things down after the competition-,”

 

“Andawae!!!” Yells his father, banging his hand on the table making unmistakable sounds of glass clinging together. “After the competition, he will not settle anything! He’s taking the scholarship and that’s final!”

 

“But you said if he wins he doesn’t-!”

 

“Stop it Hyun Bin!” His father interrupts her harshly. “He has ruined it himself! Why are you covering up for a shameless child like him?”

 

It silences her, and Won Bin looks down when he receives her sudden glance, unable to face her or comprehend her. Infact, he can’t comprehend any of it. How could whatever he does affect his fathers dignity and career? People hardly even knows of his existence, nobody cares for his existence for that matter, how could his relationships affect him? And does his father take it as a mere reason to ruin his life by sending him off to a place where he will never make a life out of what he has? He doesn’t want a scholarship, he doesn’t want to take his path and end up becoming a freak as much as he is, is that what they expect from him? Is this something that real parents will do? And it’s not that he has really ruined his father, he hasn’t and he never will. This is him finding who he should love. Do his parents have to interfere just this very moment whereas they have never done so back when he was with Hyun-A? Haven’t they ever seen how hurt he was back hen and how happy he is now? What is parents are for exactly if the things are like this for him? To ruin the child’s life?

Any of this, he doesn’t understand, not even his mother’s sudden opposition. She was different back when he was young, true. But why now? Why at this very moment where she should be screaming at him, why is she taking his side? He doesn’t understand any of it, and his head is too heavy to take it all, but he remains still, trying not to break down before his parents, but they never seem to stop.

 

“Teacher Ji Won…let him compete…if he wins, he can do what he wants…if he doesn’t…”

“This is not a game Hyun Bin. I won’t give a damn if he wins or not-!”

 

“Teacher!”

 

His father lets out a sigh and hits on the table once more. It’s after a moment that he finally speaks.

 

“Chuah…Then he can compete…if he wins, he will work for FNC, if he doesn’t…he will take the scholarship…But his relationship has to stop….he has to, before I stop it myself…”

 

Won Bin remains being in silence, and for some reason, he knows that his father means business. The truth, it scares him. It scares him if he’d hurt her. He doesn’t care if he’d kill him for doing this but Won Bin surely as hell won’t take it if anything happens to her…but no. Things can’t stop just because he wants to. And he’s a man. He will not change anything just because he is told to. Just how she said, this is his life, his future, and he’s the one to decide what should be done and not. And he will protect her. Just as he promised her and also to himself, he will protect his love…

 

“Chuah” Replies his mother and turns to Won Bin. “He will do as he’s told…”

 

Won Bin looks up and glares up at his mother, although he can see her eyes filled with strange tears, and surprising him, he sees her shake her head, as though to imply him that he doesn’t have to. He sighs and looks away.

 

“Won Bin…you haven’t touched your food…” Says his mother in a low voice. He continues to look away. Ignoring her strange affection. He doesn’t get it, and he doesn’t know why. What does it mean? Why isn’t she treating him the same as much as his father does? Why a sudden affection.

 

“Eat something before you go…it will be bad for you if you don’t-,” She continues to speak, but he doesn’t want to listen anymore. He’s confused, and his confusion is too heavy for him to bear. Along with his exhaustion and his frustration, the confusing matters which has begun to suddenly revolve around him seems to empower him, and if this goes on, he will never make it through, not even through this day. This just can’t go on…

 

Ignoring what his mother has to say, Won Bin gets up on his feet and begins to walk out of the hall. He can hear his mother calling his name behind him, but he doesn’t care to turn back. He doesn’t get her sudden attention and opposing to his father. He doesn’t get it what she implies and so he hurries out of the hall, out of the main hall and finally out of his house, walks down the lawn in hurried footsteps until he’s right before the gate. He lets out a sigh. Here, he will meet her, who matters to him the most at this moment, and it’s her who he should think about. He can’t give anything away, he can’t let her know all that he’s going through for her. He has to keep everything to himself, being strong and steady before her, just for her sake…

 

He intakes a long breath and closes his eyes before pushing the gate open, and trying to keep a steady smile, he steps out-

 

-and he can’t help it, he can’t help smiling…

 

Sitting on the bench, his favourite place is Lee Joone and how exactly she looks…he wants to not just smile but laugh. It’s as though the dawn has finally come to his darkened life, as though the day has finally dawned on him, the confusion, frustration, the exhaustion, it all just begins to fade away, she looks up and smiles.

He manage to give her a surprised look, she looks, indeed surprising. Unlike how she usually looks like with her hair done up, she has now done two lose plaits, tightening with a pink ribbon, fringes of it fallen over her eyes, and he feels as though, along with seeing her, all that happened minutes ago simply fades away. He buries his hands in his pockets and approaches her with a smile to where she sat.

 

“What’s with the plaits?” He asks her when he’s right before her.

 

“We have the plaits day…” She answers with a smile. Won Bin raises his eyebrows. “Plaits day?”

 

She nods. “We wear our hair in plaits today”

 

“A school thing?”

 

She makes a playful laugh. “Aniya~! It’s a me and Ha Ra thing…”

 

He makes a face. “You and Ha Ra thing”

 

She nods. “Yeah…we’re pretty weird…I know…”

 

“Anyway” She says as he sits beside her. “You’re early today”

 

“I am?” He asks with surprise, glancing at his watch which still reads seven fifteen whereas his usual time to be here is seven thirty or seven forty five. He nods and looks at her. “How about you?  You’re early too…”

 

She nods with a smile. “I came early and waited for you…”

 

He smiles. “Why will you come early and wait for me?”

 

She makes a face.  “Because we work together?  And…”

 

“And…?” He asks, sensing that she has more to say. She turns to her side with a smile and takes her bag in her hand, buries her hand inside it and finally produces something wrapped up with a cloth. She hands it out to him.

 

“I-gon-mo-ya?” He asks with a slight laugh, examining what seems to be a warm box wrapped up in cloth in his hands.

 

“Open it and see for yourself!” She replies and awaits until he does so. He nods and begins to undo the thick cloth, finally revealing a pink lunch box.

 

“Anything eatable?” He asks, assuming so since it’s a warm lunch box which is in his hands. Lee Joone nods with a pleasant smile. “Go ahead…open it up…”

 

He shakes his head with a smile and slowly undoes the lid of the box, a sweet aroma flows around them as he reveals the food inside, he looks up with surprise.

 

“Mochi?”

 

Lee Joone nods. “Since you took me out on a fabulous date last night, I thought of a way to thank you”

 

Won Bin smiles, unable to believe it. For he hasn’t had his breakfast due to losing appetite with what which happened this morning, he feels as though he’s been given the best gift that he has ever gotten. He puts the lid away and looks down into what she has made.

 

In the lunch box, were neatly kept rice cakes with kitten faces looking up at him, the sweet aroma of it feels his lungs, his appetite comes back again but he gulp it down to look up at Lee Joone who is watching him happily, she hands him out a pair of chopsticks.

 

“There…go ahead and try some…”

 

With a nod, he takes the chopsticks between his fingers, but although he has the urge to taste it, he can’t make himself to do so. He looks at Lee Joone for help.

 

“Wae? Don’t you want to try it?”

 

He shakes his head. “I want too…but the kittens are too cute to be destroyed…”

 

Lee Joone begins to laugh. “Ah! Jinjayo? Won Bin~ah! Just eat it up!”

 

“But you’ve gone through a lot to make them!”

 

She laughs even more and takes the chopsticks from his hand. “I made it for you to eat silly! Not to think about how I made it!”

 

 

She takes one of the yellow rice cakes between the chopsticks and holds up to him.

“Here…eat…”

 

Won Bin stares at the sweetly done face of the kitten, and along with a smile, he leans over and takes a bite. The sweetest flavours of the cold rice cake just simply runs all over in his mouth, melting inside as he munched and runs down his throat as he swallowed. Before even he can stop himself, he’s asking for more. Laughing along as she did, Lee Joone holds the Chopstick to him, letting him savour himself with the sweetest flavours of the freshly made Mochi, and for that moment, all the troubles which revolved around him for so long just simply vanishes. For the moment all he can see is her, all he can hear is her voice and her laughter, all he can feel is her…

And nothing else mattered…

 

 

 

 

No matter how many times he tends to ignore her, nothing can stop her trying, because oblivious to him, he keeps looking for her more and more. It really worries her, how he left without even having anything for breakfast, so she takes what’s there and follows after him. She saw him stepping out of the gate by the corner of the eye, but worried if he’s left already, she walks slowly towards the half opened gate and peeks out-,

 

And that’s when she sees it…the most unexpected sight of all, the most surprising sight that struck to her so hard…he’s seeing it, for just once after many years, she sees her son smile, she sees him laugh as he sat together with his girl on the bench before the gate. Seeing them together, it somehow calms down her heart which was running so fast just minutes ago because once that she has only heard it, now she’s witnessing it with her own eyes. This girl can bring a smile on his face. The one reason why he needs someone to really love is to smile sincerely once more.

She watches them as the girl feeds him rice cakes, one by one, punching him lightly and laughing out sweetly whenever he complains, it reminds her of her old times. Hyun Bin too had a time that she loved. She too, had a time that she has put a smile on another’s face, and just how she has done it before; her son is being given the same treatment and it feels better than it has before. His smile, it can mean a world to her…and the one who is bringing it to him…

She has observed him enough and has seen how fake his smile is when it’s with Hyun-A, it had no feeling at all. It was there just because. But what she sees now, in his eyes, it shows how honest and sincere his smile means. And surely, it’s only meant for her. That one special girl…

Then how can she force him to let her go? How can anyone pull them apart? If she ever does, that smile will never return to him; won’t she curse herself for doing that? Won’t she simply hate herself for breaking the heart of her most precious gift? Will she still be keeping the promise?

But she has to keep it, she had a reason when she made it on the first place, and the reason, she has gone through it herself, and it was beyond unpleasant, she will never go through it again, and that’s why she has to do this, to protect him from the sourness of it. And to do so, she will have to pull them apart.

 

But she has to have a better reason to, or her heart will never allow her do it.

 

“Here…this is the last bite…” the girl says holding up the chopsticks to him, Won Bin makes a sweet musical laughter which melts her inside as she watched them with tear filled eyes. Oh how wonderful it is to see him so happy? How wonderful it is to see him smile?if she can see it everyday, she will give anything for it, but no. She can’t make him happy as much as the girl does, there’s no wonder why he loves her so much and why he hates his mother enough to completely ignore her…just thinking of it hurts her so bad. Just a moment ago, he was tired and completely stressed out, his face darkened, his eyes frowning, but now…it’s as though she’s his drug of happiness, and she has completely replaced his frown with his sweetest smile, and only she can do it, nobody else. And if Hyun Bin will ever do it, she will never be able to see it again…will she risk it?

 

“Come on!” Says Won Bin through his laughter. “You filled me upto my ears!”

 

The girl makes a face. “But the last bite makes you look pretty!”

 

“Is that so?” Won Bin asks, smiling. “Then you never missed the last bite?”

 

She smiles mockingly. “Yeah right, if you can be more lamer….”

 

Won Bin smiles with a sigh and nods. “Okay…I’ll take the last bite”

 

The girl shows in the last of the mocha into his mouth and finally puts the box away with a smile. “Happy?”

 

Won Bin nods. “Happy…Gomowo, Joonie noona!”

 

“Arasso! Win Bin oppa! Kaja!” The girl says and takes his hand, getting up on her feet. Won Bin also does the same, and with surprised eyes, he turns to the girl.

 

“The paper?”

 

“Oh!” The girl exclaims and soon buries her hand in her bag, producing something folded in her hand. “Here”

 

“Give me a minute” Won Bin says, taking it in his hand and begins to walk towards the gate, Hyun Bin, surprised and confused by what’s happening, soon steps away, hiding behind the gate, the presence of him nears, she can hear his footsteps, she can feel his scent…

Something lands on the cement ground with a thump, soon his presence fades away.

And that’s when she sees it, and her heart falls thousand miles…

She has finally gotten herself a reason to pull them apart…

…the girl…she’s the paper girl…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Can I ask you something?” Lee Joone asks when they’re only a few feet away from her school. “But you can’t scold me okay?”

 

Won Bin makes a face and turns to her. “I’ll hear it and decide whether to scold or not”

 

“But you can’t…really…can’t”

 

Won Bin lets out a sigh. “Okay…let’s hear it…”

 

Lee Joone looks down at her feet. “Well…we have practices after school right?”

 

Won Bin nods, still not comprehending what she’s trying to say. She continues.

 

“Can…can I leave…early today? Will you guys practice without me for a while?”

 

Won Bin nods. “Yeah sure…there’s nothing to scold about…what is it?”

 

Lee Joone looks up and smiles. “Well…the thing is…Hong Gi…he called me early this morning…he didn’t sound very happy…and he asked if I can spear some time…after school, I said yes and…”

 

Won Bin raises his brows. “And that’s what you’re asking me?”

 

She looks up at him anxiously. “So…is that a no go?”

 

Won Bin shakes his head and smiles. “Of course not! Did I ever say so?”

 

“So is it a yes-go?”

He nods. “You can go anywhere you want Joonie, I’m not putting up any rulz as long as it doesn’t hurt you”

 

“But…will you be fine without me?”

 

He smiles widely and shakes his head. “I’ll be fine…”

 

She narrows her shoulders and smiles. “Okay then!”

 

“But hey!” Won Bin says urgently, she turns to him with troubled eyes. “Nae?”

 

“Don’t drink”

 

She nods. “Sure sure, I won’t”

 

“Alright then…”

 

Its after quite a walk that they arrive by the bicycle shed of their school, Won Bin buries his hands in his pocket and turns to Lee Joone, wishing it he doesn’t have to leave her.

 

She looks up at him with a smile as he leans towards her, his hands still in his pocket and slowly, he lays his lips on hers. He means it to be only a peck, remembering what she said the night before, but his frustration is strong enough for him to pull his hands out of his pockets and place them on the either sides of her cheeks, deepening it along as he does. He closes his eyes, her hands runs along his arms, returning him with the same feelings that he’s giving her, filling his heart and mind…and what his father said, they just flows into his mind. He thinks how amateur he is, how absurd. Is loving her that bad? Isn’t she worth it to love? She gives him everything, he returns her the same and they’re going on so well. It’s her who brought the band to the stage where it is now, its her who suffered so much for it, and if they do win, it will be her who will bring them the crown, she suffers enough for the band, she serves them so much…and his parents never will understand…

 

It’s an earpitching scream that makes them finally pull away, he turns to where the sound is coming from, breathing hard and sees a pack of odd girls hoping up and down like lunatics.

 

And all this time, it has never occurred to him…he’s practically a celebrity!

 

He looks at Lee Joone for help but hiding her reddened face in her hands, she seems to be of no help at all.

 

“Oppa~!” one of the girls mutter. “You have a…yoja chingu…?”

 

He says nothing but smiles, and he has no idea what he can do right now.

 

Another girl looks at those who’re around her and speaks in her strongest voice. “It’s okay…if our oppa’s happy, we’re happy…”

 

The others nod in response, very much reminding him of the dramas he has seen with his sister, but says nothing and steps away.

 

“Are you leaving…oppa?”

“Well, I have school…”

 

One of the girls holds out her note book. “Oppa…jebal…can I get an autograph?”

 

Won Bin looks at Lee Joone who is still covering her face in her hands, then he turns to the girls and nods. The girls come running towards him and soon separate him from Lee Joone, he tries his best to serve the girls with pleasant smiles while giving them the autographs, feeling much like a real celebrity himself, and soon, when he’s done, he looks at Lee Joone’s direction, only to realize it that she has already left.

 

 

 

 

 

 

He didn’t think what his father said will really hit him hard. He thought he is used to it, all his life, what he has been hearing from him is bad, and he thought what he said this morning will be just another time that he hears it again…

But no…

As he sat alone on at school, trying to focus on whatever his teacher has scribbled on the board, although he never expected it, his father’s voice begins to echo in his head.

He’s a shame to his parents, he has heard it enough times and now he’s coming up to the state where he finally believes it, he’s nothing but a shame. Don’t they both have a reason to hate him? All these days he has been doing what he should never do. He should follow after his father and become a classical musician himself, and he should listen to his mother and go on dating Hyun-A although it means his life will be nothing more than miserable. Then, he will not be a shame to anybody, he won’t be taking away his family’s dignity…

But how about the people who are not ashamed of him, the people who likes, who cares for him? Lee Joone? She loves him honesty, that’s why he can feel it in the depths of his heart, and that’s why nothing else feels better for him than being around her, because he knows there’s this one person who really loves him. And then his sister. She’s not ashamed of him, she’d never said so, she’s never treated him that day, she’s done nothing but always stand beside him and push him towards his dreams, won’t it be unfair if he really becomes a shame for her too? And the treasure. The treasure is HIS treasure, what his life really depends on, his life line. He can’t be a shame to them too! He knows although he get into fights very often, the boys do care for him, they know him enough, they treat him wise, and they trust him over their lives…How can he be a shame to them too?

But after what his father just told him, he feels as though he has become a shame to everyone. His parents, they’re ashamed of him, they’re so ashamed of him that they treat him this way as though he never exists, and see only his bad doing, and even Lee Joone that she’s pitying him. Yes, maybe its not love that he’s seeing here, only pity, she’s pitying him because he’s a shame to her as well. And his sister, she knows that he’s not of worth for her, she too pities him so that he won’t really feel bad about himself. And then the treasure. They too, see it that he has nothing to give them; they respect him and treat him with mere fondness only to indicate it to him that he’s simply hopeless.

Sitting in his usual spot at the cafeteria, having no appetite for any kind of food, he begins to wonder however he could undo it all. If he can ever undo the fact that he’s a shame, it feels as though everything could be alright. But how can he do that? If he take up after his father, he’d make him happy, he won’t be ashamed anymore, so won’t be his mother, she’d start loving him again, he will make his parents happy. His life at home won’t be miserable anymore. His sister will obviously accept him, she always does, no matter what decision he will make…and his familial life will be just how he wants it to be…

 

But what about the others? Isn’t the band the most important thing for him? What good will it do if he turns his back on them? Then the pirates will be ashamed of him, Lee Joone will be ashamed of him and his fans will be ashamed of him that he’s backing away from his biggest dream. They will think he’s losing his confidence, his courage, he will be nothing but a dummy swaying to all the directions his parents storms flow by. And he will lie to himself, once more he will…

And will he ever be able to let go of Lee Joone? Will he ever be able to change his mind about her?

His father can treaten him alright, but once he has gotten her to himself, he will never let her go. He will protect her, over his life he will…but only, looking at how the things are now, he doesn’t know how he can do it. Against his father’s high and mighty powers, he’s nothing but a hopeless dummy. He’s hopeless. Against all the powers  against him, he’s just completely so hopeless.

 

It’s a distance voice in his ears which finally brings him back to reality, he lifts his head to see Jong Hun sitting next to him with a bowl of hot gravy and steamed rice on his tray. Seeing it that Won Bin hasn’t brought any food, he moves his tray to him.

 

“Hey, you okay?” Jong Hun asks, with concern in his voice. Won Bin says nothing but continues to stare at the food before him. He doesn’t know how to answer. He’s a shame, and he just wants to disappear.

 

“Won Bin…Did anything go wrong? Is it…Lee Joone?”

 

Won Bin shakes his head, and regrets why he did it.

 

“Then…is it your sister…? Or…did you get into a fight with your parents…?”

 

Won Bin shakes his head and turns to him, wearing the weariest face ever.

 

“Hyung…are you…ashamed of me…?”

 

Jong Hun widens his eyes with surprise. “Ashamed? Why would I be ashamed of you?”

 

“Isn’t doing what I want…shameless?”

 

“Won Bin…” Jong Hun says in a worried voice, but Won Bin continues as though he never heard him.

 

“Is it shameless to date Lee Joone too?”

 

He can see his friend staring at him with disbelief, but what is there to not too believe? He has heard the mere truth enough times!

 

“Won Bin…what’s going on?” Jong Hun asks, finally, watching him long and oddly enough,  he places his hand on Won Bin’s and squeezes it as though to bring him back to senses. Won Bin looks up at him.

 

“But I love her…Hyung…she’s the only person I love…”

 

 “And there’s nothing for you to be ashamed of-Hey! Did your parents find it out…? Your relationship?”

Won Bin stares at the smoke coming out of the gravy for long, trying to sense its reality,and when it really hits him, he slowly nods. Jong Hun retrieves his hand, probably shocked by what he just heard.

“This…soon? But how?”

Won Bin says nothing but remains in his silence. He hates it, he hates to keep silent when his next most trusted person is there for his help, but he just can’t help it. A strange power is forcing him to keep his silence as long as he has to, and odd enough, he’s following the orders that he’s being given.

“Look…that doesn’t mean everything’s over Won Bin…you still have her, you know you do-,”

“But she will hate me soon…once she realizes I’m a shameless person…”

“Won Bin!” Jong Hun says, this once, a bit harshly. “She doesn’t think you’re shameless! She never did or she never will! Do you know how exactly she describes you?”

Won Bin turns to his friend, his eyes filled with uncertainty, but as he speaks, they just begin to fill with wonder…his mind begins to work  so hard, almost exploding, his heart aches so badly, and he thinks he’s about to die…

“Lee Joone…” Jong Hun says in his deep, slow voice. “She doesn’t think you’re what you think you are…Won Bin…She…She thinks you’re great, the greatest person that she admires with all her heart. She believes it that how you really tend to help others  is with genuine honesty, you smile at people with honesty, and there are so many things that you have, all the things that you have never known, all the things that she loves. She knows so much about you, every single fine detail about you, and she says, knowing it all, she just loves you more…with all that, do you ever think she will think of you as that kind of a person Won Bin?”

Won Bin says nothing. Even after all he heard just now, the strange force is still holding him back. Jong Hun gives him a concerned look.

“Listen, Won Bin…” He states with much weight in his deep voice. “I have known you for so long, I’ve seen you in this state enough times, I don’t know what it is…I don’t know how we could help you with it…even…the only person who has helped you out of it, as far as I know, is Lee Joone…do you think we should tell her this once? You can’t go on this way, we’re only a few days away from the big day…”

Won Bin says nothing, still holding onto his silence. He doesn’t get it what he means, all he can comprehend is that he really does make some sense. Lee Joone, to her he’s not a shame, to her he’s not hopeless, to her he’s a lot more than he thinks he is. Its her who he should protect because its her who he needs, being a person lacking of love and care. And to do so, he has to win it, the competition, the next biggest barrier of his life, or he’d really lose her-,

-but still would it make any difference? Isn’t it dating her which makes him a shameless person? What is so shameless about it? What is that so bad to be dating such a wonderful girl? Why does it make him such a shameless man?

Even after school, as he walks back with Jong Hun on his side, remaining in his silence for not too long, it’s what he wonders in his mind underneath. He thought everything will be perfect once they get together, everything will be just as he wanted to be . it was that way…for a while…

His mother, she just really confuses him. Its as though he has never known her before, to be treated that way. He doesn’t get it, what she’s trying to protect. Isn’t it her child who is a complete disappointment to her? What is there for her to protect? The many times he thinks about it, the more he grows to hate her more.

When the two boys reach the treasure Island, they realize that they’re later than they normally are. At first, finding its door wide open surprise them, but later on it occurs to Won Bin that someone is there, them being no other than the pirates themselves. As they climbed down together, Won Bin hears her voice, calming him down just as it always does, although she doesn’t sound calm as much as he hopes her to be.

“Okay boys! Up on your feet!!!”  She orders, and its what which finally brings a smile on Won Bin’s weary face. There’s no shame to date a wonderful girl like her? What do his parents really mean?

“Lazy LAZY!!! What the hell do you take me to? A dummy???” Lee Joone yells as the two of them enter the room to see her standing in the middle of the hall with her hands on her hips, glaring down at the practically laughing magnaes. He would laugh too, if not for odds, but something keeps stopping him. But for some reason, he feels he should stand against it. He can’t let her know what he’s convinced of! How hurt will she be if she gets to know it that he’s told its shameless of him to be with a girl this so wonderful?

“Do you think killing time will do any good?!? Come on! Back to wor-,” She goes on bossing them around as though she has nothing better in her mind, but Won Bin doesn’t let her go on. As though to indicate it that he understands what he really meant, at least up to a certain extent, he puts his hands on her waist and pulls her into a blissful kiss before everybody else’s eyes, not thinking much of the reactions he must be getting now. He loves it, and somehow clears his busy mind, cools down his heart, it’s the same reason why he doesn’t pull away for long, and when he does, he realizes it that the two have been entertaining the others. Lee Joone stares into his face for quite a while, he irises gleaming under the white light, the very lips that he just stole a kiss from, slightly parted with surprises, he glances at the others, turning red and swiftly moves to her usual spot in the sofa, folding her hands on her chest. The four boys, Jae Jin, Jong Hun and Minan with their constant smile plastered on their faces, take their seats in their usual places, and without much effort put up by Lee Joone, the practices begin.

Having Lee Joone in his sight, it doesn’t take much effort for Won Bin to add all his feelings into it, and all through the practices, his eyes watches her. For only the few minutes he spends there under her presence, everything which has been roaming in his mind simply disappears, leaving the traces of appearing again. His father’s words were just too clear in his head, too clear for him to bear that the only thing which can hide them away is her. For the moment, nothing else matters. The force can’t hurt him just for the minutes he spends with her. Only she can keep him strong, for some reason, that’s just how it is.

For two hours, the practices go smooth unlike it usually does. Jae Jin has returned to his seriousness once more which is good, and Minan does his best, not having Ha Ra around doesn’t bother him a least bit and also with Jong Hun’s contribution the practices do a great deal of help to the whole band in making the complete performance perfect for the big day. But no matter how hard Won Bin tries, the force, the strange feeling of letting go of all he owns in spite of him being shameless, it tries to break through and come onto the surface, being pushed by his father’s words working in his head over and over again.

At the end of the two hours, just as the last few lines of ‘Always be mine’ goes, Lee Joone’s phone begins to ring, hitting Won Bin’s heart like a thunder. The call. The signal which only means he will soon be separated from her…

The force pushes in even more and more…

Lee Joone gets up on her feet and announces it that she will leave early…

A severe pain hits him in his heart, his father’s words…Hyun-A’s cries…his mother’s strange concern…his sister’s painful glare…guilt…hopelessness…

A slight touch on his lips, a slow breeze with the sweetest odour of vanilla passes by his face…

…separation…everything’s gone…

And so she disappears into the darkness of the petit dark staircase…

The force, the strange power, whatever undertakes him….he’s lost once more…

“Won Bin…let’s do it again…” He hears Jong Hun’s distant voice, but he doesn’t move. She has left him. The only reason why he holds on so long, she has gone…then why shall he start it again? For everybody else he’s a shame! What he does is shameless, and the eyes around him only mean pity. He’s hopeless, and what the constant stares mean is nothing but the mere truth, only Lee Joone means nothing close to it, but all the others does…

…Which makes him simply let go…he’s nothing but hopeless…

“Hyung…Shall we start again…?” Sounds Jae Jin’s voice and he finds himself shaking his head.

“No…” he mutters in his ghostlike voice, his eyes only staring out at the empty, dark staircase.

“I shouldn’t do this anymore…I’m a shame to you all…I shouldn’t do this anymore…”

 

 

 

When I reach the Memphis after a boring ride on bus, busying my mind thinking about what I saw on Won Bin’s face this morning, it was late enough, but I know Hong Gi is there, still waiting for me. He just called me, and his tone really worries me, I sensed his triste, there’s something seriously wrong…Which keeps reminds me of that sad look in Won Bin’s eyes…but no. He’s strong, and no matter what, he has me and he knows it. He knows I will never let anything go wrong, but the only person whom I can’t assure that is Hong Gi. But I will try my best. Although I can’t give him all that I have, I will always do my best…

It has been long since I last came here, and the odd glances that I’m being given just scares me as though I’ve never been here before. What could be really wrong? Although I sensed something in his voice, I really couldn’t lay my hands on it, not until I read it on his face, but the problem is whether it will be as easy as it is with Won Bin.

Seated in the furthest corner of the bar area, all by himself, I see him, Hong Gi with a weary face and stressed out eyes. I give him a small wave, but he’s in his deepest thoughts that he doesn’t see me at first; it makes him jump when I lay a hand on his shoulder.

“Hey!” He greets me with a forceful smile. I greet back and sit on the barstool next to him. My eyes involuntarily move into the bar looking for So Young, but when I don’t find her, I turn to Hong Gi.

“Where’s So Young Unnie?” I ask him curiously. He shakes his head. “She’s got her big exams…you know…she’s not working here anymore…”

“Jinja?” I ask, surprised. He nods.

“Nae…she’s busy studying…”

“But what about FT FOUR’s supervising?” I ask, suddenly remembering.

He remains silent for a while, as though he’s trying to make up the rightful answer in his mind, and after a while, he answers. “That’s exactly what I wanted to tell you”

 

 

“Disband?” I demand in unison when Hong Gi’s done telling me his story which sounded worse than I imagined. There’s no wonder he looks this so depressed! If I were him, I would be dead by now after thinking hell to earth about it, it’s a wonder that he’s holding on. Many things have gone around while I was busy during the past few days. Kang Min Hyuk who really is a talented drummer has been convinced to take part in his previous group CNBLUE, our opponent of the BOTB competition. And worse of all, he has not even hesitated to do so, and also its completely against the rules, it’s not very likely that even FNC allowed it, but it has happened, Min Hyuk has left the band. And also since So Young is not in a state to supervise the band, the other three are left hopeless, all the pressure being forced on Hong Gi.

“We have no other option…” Hong Gi mutters, sipping the beer he got. I bought myself only cocktail.

“But only having a week before the BOTB?”

Hong Gi shakes his head hopelessly. “We are in no state to perform without a drummer…”

“But you can do SOMETHING!  Come on Hong Gi~Ah! It’s not the end of the world you know!”

Hong Gi gives me a slight smile. “There’s nothing I can do, Joonie…”

I say nothing but frown into the same spot for long enough until it suddenly hits me, I swiftly turn to him. “Hong Gi~ah, back then only you and the Seung Hyun and Min Hyuk performed, can’t you do the same?”

“I don’t think we can…the whole band should perform…”

I let out a sigh and stare ahead. It’s as though half of my new career in this department is falling down before my eyes. Hong Gi has always been there for me, holding my hand and wiping my tears whenever I wanted it. He loves me, he still does although I can’t love him back all the same, and for doing that, I should be able to be right beside him to wipe off his tears, being a shoulder for him whenever he needs it, but why do I feel so hopeless myself? Why am I practically falling apart?

But no…I can’t…there’s a way to save everything, there’s a way to save him too…that’s what Won Bin said the other night, that I know what I should do…

“Look…” I say finally. “Have you tried speaking to FNC?”

“FNC?” He asks with tired eyes. “I don’t think it will work…I think they supports CNBLUE”

“They do?” I ask, surprised. “That’s totally unfair! That means our chances of winning is zero!”

Hong Gi makes a slight smile, staring into his can of beer. “Your chances? Its more like FTFOUR’s chances…Treasure is really fabulous, Joonie…”

I let out a sigh and watch the passer-by’s longingly. If CNBLUE is being supported by the FNC itself, what are our chances of winning? It has always been a major battle between the three groups, and all the three groups are equally talented. If one of us wins, if the winning group is either Treasure or FTFOUR, that’s by luck, if it’s CNBLUE, it’s obviously by the company’s favours. Then theirs no way that we can help it.

But by what Hong Gi says next, blood begins to run normally in my veins.

“But Joonie” He says after a sip of beer. “I don’t think the voting will be favoured…it will be a fair battle…”

“How can we assure it?” I ask, just to make sure.

“That’s how it has been up to now”

I nod, seeing it myself. “Then all we need is a great performance…”

“You don’t need one Joonie, The Treasure IS great”

I sigh, rolling my eyes in the process. Seriously! Why does he have to do it!?! Losing just one member doesn’t mean that the complete band has to fall down! There’s a whole week left! They have enough time to figure something out before the big day, what is it with him and his stupid negative ideas?

“Look, Hong Gi~ah…Losing just one member is not the end of the band, there’s a whole week left! Why don’t we try to get a new member? We still have a week!”

Hong Gi turns to face me. “How can we get a new drummer within a week? And train all our tracks? Will it be easy?”

“It will be easy if we try…”

He sighs and turns away. “Its not only Min Hyuk…”

I widen my eyes and turn to him. “What else?”

He sighs and looks to his right. I follow after him, eventually seeing Seung Hyun seated in a corner of the petite stage with a weary face, playing a slow tune on his guitar all by himself. I turn back to Hong Gi. “Wae? What about him?”

Hong Gi takes a sip of his beer. “He’s quite down…He’s really ambitious, you know…and now that the band has to disband…he’s really fragile, not like Se Hyun…I’m sure Se Hyun can take it, but Seung Hyun never will…”

“So what do you suggest?”

Hong Gi remains silent for a moment and mutters. “We can’t disband either…”

“No…you can’t…” I say after another sigh, remembering how easily he could be hurt. “The band should go for the competition…”

“We have to replace Min Hyuk…somehow…”

I nod and open my mouth to reply when a sudden voice interrupted us. We both swiftly look up. A slight smile appears on Hong Gi’s face as we both look up to face a boy, nearly of our age in a luminous green Jacket, a hood completely covering his head, his face hidden in the darkness inside the hood that I try my best to see if I know him, but when Hong Gi speaks, I realize it that I don’t.

“Woo Hyun~ah! What are you doing here?”

“I’m on a date…” He answers in a deep, low voice, through the darkness inside the hood, I see his lips moving, he seems to be hiding himself. I say nothing but watch the strange encounter.

“A date…?” Hong Gi asks, slight sarcasm hidden in his voice. “Which one is it now?”

The guy in the hood makes a fake laugh. “Had to skip on Hyorin…”

“In Young? Is it?”

The guy nods. “Yup. She called me, I just couldn’t say no….”

Hong Gi turns and Gives a slap on his arm. “This guy! Ka ka then! She must be waiting!”

The guy laughs. “Yeh yeh…na kayo!”

“Arasso! Anneyong!”

“Anneyong!” He greets back and Hong Gi and I both turn around and watch him go. When he has disappeared among the crowd inside the bar, Hong Gi turns to me. “Sorry about that…He’s my friend from school…”

“Its alright” I say, twirling the strow around in my untouched glass. “is he like, hiding his identity or something?”

Hong Gi makes a laugh. “Yeah he is…He’s crazy, really! He’s dating two Yojas at once!”

“Two yojas?” I ask, surprised. “How does he do that?”

“He does it” Hong Gi says, still not done laughing. “And know what? One of them works here, and the other is a noona from college, the two usually meets up here!”

“Really?” I ask, even more surprised. “Don’t they know? They never find out?”

Hong Gi shakes his head. “He’s been doing it for around five or six months! They will find out one day, but he’s hiding his face around here. Nobody knows who he is, except for me”

“Jinja?  Gosh! That’s-,” I pause, a sudden light bulb appearing in my mind, a brainstorm, a really strange but a reasonable brainstorm and I turn to Hong Gi with shining eyes.

If we can do the same thing…if we can do exactly the same thing….one of us will get through…Seung Hyun won’t be down anymore, they don’t have to disband anymore, I won’t feel guilty anymore…and best of all, I will be doing it, showing my love to him. Exactly what Won Bin wants me to do…just if we can possibly do it…

What am I saying? We CAN do it!

“What?” Hong Gi asks uncertainly. I give him my biggest smile.

“Did you think I will let you go so easily?”

Hong Gi stares down at me as though I’m crazy. “Joonie…?”

I reach out and take his hand. “We can do it Hong Gi~ah…trust me…we will…”

 

 

 

“Hyung…You can’t say you won’t sing!” Jae Jin says one last time sounding desperate as ever, trying his best to convince his band mate once more. But Won Bin doesn’t even seem to flatter. Instead, he sits in the sofa, exactly where his girlfriend sat just minutes ago, turned to a side, staring into a dark space as though his life depends on it. He’s lost, completely lost and left without answers. What is he doing? Why is he doing it? Should he really do this? Should he ever stop? All these questions lie before his eyes, still unanswered. He doesn’t know what exactly he should do now, what he should really pick. The sympathetic glances he received from his mother, they just simply run in his mind, over and over again, and whenever he’s reminded of her face, that look in her eyes, he wishes, strangely he does, he wishes he can go back in time to the days when he was being given that unwavering love from her. He remembers how much she cared for him, how she held him, how she wiped his tears whenever he’s the day’s victim of his father, and for some reason, he wants to receive them again. He wants to be his mother’s loved child once more. But how could he do it? How can he give up on his dreams, his love, all of this just to be loved by his mother again?

But he can never do it. He loves her, Lee Joone; he loves her over his life. She’s the only reason why he remains happy no matter how hard the life is for him. She’s the one who keeps him smiling, no matter what the troubles are that he’s about to face. She’s the one who gives him strength; the power to stand on his own no matter how long is there until he falls down on his knees. For him, she’s everything. He would never forgive himself if he ever does it, he will regret it throughout his whole life. He will never have what he has in his life already if he would ever let go of her.

And the two options he has left is not the choice between Lee Joone and his mother; it’s the choice between what paths he should take, what he should pick. The violin or the guitar.

“Look…Won Bin…Whatever your parents said…don’t take it too much into your mind…” Jong Hun says urgently, but Won Bin can’t assure him that he won’t. He doesn’t know what state he’s in. He doesn’t know anything…

“Hyung…” Minhwan adds with concern filled in his eyes. “Don’t be upset…you can sing very well…no matter what others say…so why don’t you just really prove it to them? Show them what you really want to be!”

Won Bin keeps silent. In fact, he was silent all throughout the past few hours; he just can’t find himself anything to say. How sad will they all be if he tell them he wants to let go of everything and follow after his parents just because he doesn’t want to be a shame to anybody?

“Look…” Jae Jin says at last, taking his attention away from Won Bin. “We don’t have any other option…we should tell Joonie noona…”

Hearing her name, Won Bin swiftly turn to him. No…he can’t let her know…he could never let her know! She knows him just too well and she wiil obviously, without a doubt, sense it that what exactly the problem he has is not what his father said but making choices. How would she feel if she gets to know the fact that he’s to make his choice between his mother and Lee Joone herself? Although he tries to hide it away, wouldn’t she somehow find it out if she knows he’s not doing very well? She can make people say it out, wouldn’t she make him do it too?

“Andwae..” He says pleadingly. “Don’t tell her…you can’t tell her anything”

Jae Jin gives him a strange look. “Wait a minute…Hyung…how is it possible that you can sing fine when she’s around? You did great before she left!”

Won Bin looks away. Why does he even ask such a question when the things are almost too obvious?

Jong Hun gives Jae Jin a slight pat on his arm. “Okay, we won’t tell her anything…but will you always be the same when she’s around? You won’t be like this?”

Won Bin says nothing for a while, but seeing the truth, he slowly shakes his head. Jong Hun lets out a sigh. “Then what should we tell her? How can we hide anything from her when you’re like this Won Bin? Why are you doing this?”

To that, Won Bin doesn’t know how to answer. He doesn’t know what has come of him, he doesn’t know how he should stop. All he knows is that he’s afraid. He’s afraid that he will be a shame to one of them, one way or the other, and he will break the hearts of one side. He’s afraid to make his choice, he’s stuck, and he’s got nowhere to go. All he’s got to do is remain silent. Remain silent until god will clear it out for him.

But Jong Hun is not ready to take his silence as an answer, because he knows his friend just too well. This is not the first time that this is happening, he has gone through it many times, but this once, it worries Jong Hun. Because this once, he has no way to be cured. All the many times, the band members cured him with what he always loved; music. Or Lee Joone did, with her smiles and her simple deep words, there’s nothing she can do. But this once, Won Bin doesn’t allow any of it to cure him, for some reason, he doesn’t. But Jong Hun is not about to give up either. He will help him, and he will save his friend no matter what. But for that, he needs help, and to get help, he needs to tell the others, he needs to let them know what he knows himself.

Without another word, he turns to Jae Jin and takes him by his arm. He only lets go when he’s there under the sunlight in the street.

“Hyung…” Jae Jin says uncertainly. “wae-grae?”

Jong Hun looks at him urgently. “Jae Jin…Won Bin, he needs help…”

“Help? Yes, that’s exactly what I was-,”

“Ani..”Jong Hun says still in his urgent tone. Jae Jin looks at him, slightly confused.

“Eh?”

“That’s not the kind of help he needs...” He says, sensing what he means and lowers his voice, afraid that anyone would hear. “That’s not what he needs…”

“Then…?”

Jong Hun clears his throat and looks clear into his eyes. “Won Bin…he needs mental healing…”

“Mental healing?” Jae Jin repeats, panicked.

Jong Hun nods. “Nae…mental healing…because Won Bin hyung…He’s under depression…”