“Ah! So tired!” Lee Joone exclaims as she climbs down the steps of the Treasure Island when they’re after the long ride on the bus. She insisted on coming there since she has left all her stuff before they left, but instead of taking them and leaving, she falls into her usual sofa looking as drunk as ever.

The treasure Island is Won Bin’s favourite place of all, mostly because whenever he’s not in good terms with his family, he’d come here and kill his time doing something by himself like composing and practicing. There has been many times that he has spent his night there, so the darkness inside never scares him, he has gotten used to it. Since it is under ground, there’s no difference whether it’s day or night inside the hall, the massive light in the middle of it always gives them a constant light, so it’s good enough of a place even for him to even live at. So tonight he decides to stay since he can’t make himself to go home knowing that his parents know of the TREASURE and BOTB, he knows they’re waiting for him to return, but he leaves the whole day of tomorrow to deal with all the chaos that they’d be making against him.

He takes Lee Joone’s bag into his hand with a smile to himself and turns to her while she’s busy going through her text messages.

“Granny, granny and again granny! Ah jinja! Does she have to do this to me??!!” She moans as he walks to her, then he throws the bag into her lap.

“Here, now go”

She looks at him so innocently. “Why? Aren’t you coming?”

He walks to his stool and takes out his box guitar.  Since he’s staying the night here, he has decided to try composing a song for the next round. “I’m staying here tonight, I’ve got work”

She starts again. “Eh? Are you asking me to go alone?”

He doesn’t answer, but obviously he will never let her go all by herself, but he’s enjoying this, making her feel miserable, and making her actually want him for real, he’s really enjoying this.

“Won Bin you’re the very worse man-!” She starts saying but stops when she receives another message, and she gasps.

“Oh god! She asks if I’m drunk! I can’t go home like this! Oh my god!!”

“Why? Are you still drunk? You look pretty much sober to me” He says, walking towards the cupboard they have kept in a corner of the hall with all the things that they might need. There he produces a set of music sheets and returns to his stool.

“I’m not dummy! But I still smell of alcohol!”

“Not my problem” He answers and takes out a nicely sharpened pencil.

“But you’re supposed to take me home!”

“Since when?”

She falls to her side desperately “Since you told them we’re dating! Ah! I’m glad we’re not, you’re no good…”

He decides to forget that she ever said that.

“But you just said you’re not going home didn’t you?”  He asks, playing the guitar tunelessly, this makes her sit right up.

She gasps loud. “I did!! Ah! Crazy me! I’m staying here, or I will never make it to stay out at night!”

“Will it make any difference? Then you will have to stay here for the rest of your life”

She makes a face. “You’re really hateful you know that?”

“I know” He says and continues with his playing. There’s a short silence between them and it’s minutes later that he hears her speak.

“I’m staying here with you, I can’t go home”

He looks at her, all about to contradict but stops seeing her lying on the sofa, eyes drooping with sleepiness. She’s crazy, and that makes him like her even more.

But of course he can’t let her stay here! She’s a girl and the Treasure Island is the last place he can assure her of her safety. He might be here, and he will of course protect her but even still he can’t let her stay here! Plus he can’t let her sleep in an uncomfortable place like his old sofa, she might get back pains by the end of the day…

So he soon gets up from where he’s seated and walks towards her, he calls her name a few times, but she doesn’t even flatter, she keeps on sleeping. He sighs and shakes her by her shoulders.

“Aish! You fell asleep this soon! Lee Joone!” He mutters under his breath when he’s doing no good. And that’s when he hears it, it has started to rain.

Fabulous! Now he will never be able to take her home!

He sighs hard and looks down at her. “You’re really annoying you know that?” He mutters as though she hears him and sits on the hand rest of the sofa.

Then the soju he had before starts to work again. It’s like an instinct, how madly he wants to watch her whenever she’s asleep. He enjoys it, the sight of her angel like beauty always fills his heart, but now the hard formation she’s sleeping in, concerns him, so he stands up, and so slowly, fearing if he’d disturb her sleep, he lifts her into a sitting position, grabs one of the pillows he has kept with the sofa, lays it on the side where her head is and slowly moves her, laying her down in a rather comfortable position, all through this, she doesn’t once flatter from her deep sleep. He stands back and watches her feeling satisfied but not satisfied enough. He walks to the cupboard once more and finds the flannel sheet he has kept for his use when he spends his nights there and slowly covers her with it. She seems comfortable enough, he’s satisfied.

He returns to his place, and since it’s hard for him to write while being seated on the stool, she sits on the floor and starts writing.

What made his Japanese perfect are his holidays spent with his uncles family in Japan. His uncle is the owner of a large scale business in Yokohama where he lives with his family and he’s the next appealing person of his family after his sister for Won Bin. He helps him to improve his Japanese until it’s made perfect, and even now it has come to a considerably appreciative state that he’s perfect enough to write on his own.

He takes his pencil and starts putting down all his thoughts into words and then into Japanese letters before jotting it down on the paper. He carries on this routine for a few minutes, cutting and erasing when necessary, muttering under his breath to see if the words go along. He’d play the tune occasionally, sings along to see if goes right and erases again if not, like wise he goes on for twenty minutes and when he’s too sleepy, he lets out a massive yawn, and eventually his eyes lands back again on her, then his heart stops.

He hates it when he’s drunk because the alcohol works ages after he has taken it in, and now it’s working again, otherwise he could swear it if it is him walking towards the sofa again, but he can’t now, because he has no intention what so ever to do it, to walk to her as she’s sound asleep, and stares at her beautiful self in her sleep. She must be in her dream world right now, her dream world where she’s married to Hong Gi, the special man out there for her, her soul mate and where she has kids who treats the others with no difference, where her granny is not crazy, where her aunt doesn’t like ramyun anymore, where her oppa is not sick anymore, and most importantly, where Won Bin does not exist. He smiles seeing the slight smile curled on her face, and he doesn’t care anymore. Even if he has no place in her dream world, even if he doesn’t involve in her happiness, he won’t care as long as he can see that smile on her face.

“am I…falling for you… Lee Joone?” He asks the sleeping girl as though she will soon answer him, and slowly, since he doesn’t get any response of contradiction from his inner self, he kneels down beside her and continues watching her sleep.

He admires it, how her dark hair has fallen over her face but when he sees it’s bothering her peaceful sleep, he slowly reaches out and moves it off from her. He loves the feel of it, having the soft strands of hair tangled around his fingertips, and the very feel gives him the urge to touch it even more, so he fulfills it by gently running his hand through it as long as he wants to. She’s beautiful, he can’t help thinking so, and comparing to Hyun-a  who’s practically all he has as a girl, Lee Joone is everything, and Hyun-a is nothing, just simply nothing.

It’s not only her beauty that he sees in her, unlike with Hyun-a with whom, he sees only that, he sees only how beautiful and elegant she is, how perfectly all her features are placed, how beautiful her figure is, only how she is on the outside. But Lee Joone, he can see through her, she lets him see through her, she lets everyone see through her, and that’s what makes her so special, so different and so lovable. Through her smile she showed how friendly she is, and no matter how sad, hurt or upset she is, her smile never leaves her face. And whenever she laughs, she can make the whole world laugh along with her, and when she does it to him, nothing feels so wonderful, so he’d laugh along. And with her words, though he hated to hear it before, now he knows, she can turn things completely upside down, she can change things from how they are, she can show what’s good and bad, she can take out what’s right from wrong, and finally, she can show him the reality, and then she can make him love her even more.

It’s crazy, how she changed things completely upside down within him. At first he just hated her, he only wanted to go on hating her because he can’t take it when he’s wrong while another is right, but she made him accept it, he wanted to treat her as badly as he could, he wanted to show her how badly he despised her, but with her words and her heart filling smiles she changed him, she made his anger grow more and more until it exploded, until it bloomed like a flower, eventually it became something else, and now it’s too late for him to stop, because he can’t, his feelings for her has gone very far. But it makes no difference, because no matter how much he wants her to look at him, she never will, because when she’s around, he’s afraid to let her know, it scares him that he hides away. So she will never see it, she will never see him, but it won’t bother him. He’ll let her be and will watch her from a distance and let his heart fill with all he has for her, and will protect her when she needs him, he will be a shoulder for her whenever she needs somewhere to cry on, and as for what he has now, that’s pretty much all he can do for her.

He smiles again as she turns her finally facing him, and he enjoys it, the way his heart beat rises. He moves his hand down to her cheek and it so gently and slowly, and that’s when it happens, the perfect tune, the perfect music for a song comes into his mind. He continues touching her soft cheek, slowly moving his hand around her neck, then to her hair, runs his fingers through the softness of it once more and lets the song build up in his mind. It grows, the tune, the words, the feeling of it, everything grows in his mind as he carries on running his fingers through her hair, and then comes the perfect title for the song, the slow rustle of the wind. He hair, it’s so soft, gentle and mild like a wind, her words, whatever she says, they blow everything away like the wind, her angel like beauty, it cools him down underneath like a wind, the feel of her lips, it fills him inside like the wind. Yes she’s the mere rustle of his wind, the rustle of the wind of his life, she’s his soyogi.

When the song is fully developed in his mind, when he’s finally up to stop indulging himself by feeling and watching his soyogi, he returns to his papers, grabs them in his hands, takes his guitar in the other and returns to his position by her next to the sofa on the floor. Then he writes, puts down his perfect Japanese neatly on the white sheet, and enjoys doing it. He’s finally writing the song, without any troubles, without any flaws, he puts down all his feeling into words, into smooth Japanese adds in English when it’s necessary, plays it on the guitar to make it go along with the tune he built, sings it alone, and thus he builds up a song for her, he writes a song for her, for the very girl he used to hate the most, and now who’s his soyogi.

“Done” He says happily smiling alone by himself as he finally puts down his pencil with the last sentence of it, he names it soyogi and keeps the rest to be done and put into order into perfection the other day with the others, but now he takes his guitar, turns to the sleeping Lee Joone and speaks.

“Lee Joone…don’t hate me for doing this…but I wrote a song for you” He mutters feeling excited of his doing. “Listen to me and tell me if I say anything wrong…okay?”

He must be running nuts to put up such a crazy act, but he doesn’t care. Soon he proceeds to his singing, and just as he has been told by her once, he lets all his happiest memories flow into his mind, each and every one of them involves her, and so he sings. Surprising him, all his words sound perfect in his ears, all he sings sounds so real and so true. Even he can’t believe that he actually wrote it…he can’t believe it how much she has changed him.

When the song ends, he finds many flaws which he decides to correct with the others the next day, but now he’s done for the day, he’s sleepy and tired, what he needs now is a good rest, but still he can’t keep her out of his sight, fearing for her safety, fearing if anything bad will happen to her, if he woudn’t be able to protect her just as he silently promised her, so he decides to sleep beside her. He’s not drunk anymore so he’s sure he won’t be trying anything funny on her just as her crazy granny fears. He’s only up to protect her, and so he will. He will keep his hands all to himself and only do what has to be done.

He stands up, feeling extremely tired, almost feverish, and grabs himself the other pillow. He doesn’t have any more flannels left in the cupboard; he used his one to cover her so he decides to sleep on the bear floor. He finds his blazer from where it was thrown this afternoon, he covers himself with it to steer clear the coldness of the early spring, and lies down on the floor beside the sofa. He reaches out and touches her face for one last time, wishes her for a good night and soon, he too, drifts into a long sleep, entering a dream world of his own where only Lee Joone exists…

Lee Joone is so stubborn and messy in her deep sleep. It’s just one fact that Won bin still hasn’t laid his hands on. And even now when he’s in a deep sleep, unaware of what’s happening around him, Lee Joone does her usual stunts on the sofa, the stunt is too big for the narrow sofa to handle, even her sleep is too deep, that without even her awareness or his, she falls off the sofa, still in her sleep, and lands on the floor beside where he’s asleep, only a few inches away from Won  Bin, face to face, and none of them knows…not yet…

What wakes me up the next morning is the dizziness in my head and the unbearable pain on my back but I still can’t figure out where I am, and also I can’t make myself get up and open my eyes due to the heavenly warmth I’m receiving just now, but I’m really disappointed that the warmth is only one sided, if I can feel it all over me, I’d go back to being asleep once more…

So I let out a long yawn, stretch out my arms and finally open my eyes to see a rusty old roof over me. I pause, widening my eyes, unable to comprehend why I’m seeing an old rusty slab of somewhere instead of my wooden roof, and why I feel so stiff sleeping in my comfy bed-

I turn to my side, wondering why I feel an odd feel-good warmth on my side on my bed, it’s weird because I usually sleep alone…

But my eyes freezes, by heart stops when I see what is actually giving out the warmth.

On the bed lying next to me, sound asleep is a beautiful angel. He’s so white, almost glowing and so close, I can practically hear his breathing, but I can’t hear mine. I stare at how beautiful the sleeping angel is, he has flawless creamy skin, thick red-brown hair which has fallen to a side, clearly revealing his god like face, and also a scar on his forehead, my eyes move downwards, see how his chest is heaving rhythmically, see the smooth lines on his neck, and a tiny golden chain…

This angel looks so real…yet so familiar…so…known….so…

Oh MY GOD!

I can’t think of anything else to do but scream. I scream, I sit right up and scream so hard as though my life depends on it, eventually waking him up. He flutters open his eyes stubbornly and moans.

“What the hell-!” And stops, widening his eyes seeing me sitting on the floor beside him. I give him a cold look.

“You…are So SO! Dead!!”

He straightens up, rubs his eyes and looks at me straight. “What did I do?”

I reach out and hit on his head. “You slept with me you freaking idiot!”

His jaw falls slack as he stares into my eyes.

Ah! Acting so innocent!

“I never did!!”

I hit him again, “Then what was I doing on the floor, in your arms just then? Dancing?”

He looks blank and looks at me, still looking so innocent. “Just what are you talking-?”

But I don’t let him finish what he’s saying when I come to realization of one single fact.

I’m a girl…I was alone…with him…and we were both drunk…

Oh god!

I gasp loudly when the thought occurs to me and grab his blazer off him, covering my chest with it. “You bloody jerk! You didn’t try anything on me did you?”

This makes him mad. “What? Why would I-?”

“Ah!” I moan feeling panicked. “I feel stiff and weird! You sure you didn’t try anything funny are you?”

This gets him really mad; he gets up on his feet and pulls me up on my feet as well. Then he points at the door, and mutters.

“Get out”

I give him a look. “I was just asking!?! Seriously-!”

“Do you think I’m such a low life? I don’t know how we ended up on the floor but you think I’m such a cheap low life to try…what you think I did?”

I feel really bad that I ruined his morning by coming into stupid assumptions, but then again, am I that much of a fool to think anything like that? He’s Won Bin! He wouldn’t even dare to lay his hand, okay, gently and lovingly lay a hand on me rather than grabbing only my hand so meanly and harshly, why really coming into stupid conclusion-?

Me and my dirty mind.

“Okay…I didn’t say you did, I was only worried alright?”

He still gives me his cold look. “Just go…”

I make a face. “Yah! Oh Won Bin! At least let me apologize-!”

“I said get out-!”

“I’m sorry okay?” I say pleadingly before he proceeds to the next action of really throwing me out. And like a mad woman, I start saying unnecessary stuff. I am completely so paranoid that I do, and it’s later that it occurs to how bad I must have sounded like.

“I’m really sorry; I didn’t mean to make you mad! I was so worried because I really haven’t done anything yet, I’m still-!”

He gives me an even colder look that I cover my mouth in realization of my bad doing.

“Did you HAVE to mention that?” He asks coldly. I gulp, and whisper. “I’m sorry…”

He continues with his icy cold frown and grabs my bag from the sofa. “Forget it; let’s go…I’ll drop you home”

I widen my eyes. “Really Won bin, you don’t have to-!”

“You want to make things worse?”

It is then that I understand what he means. I stayed out at night yesterday, drunk, still in my school cloths and surely my granny and aunt is waiting to eat me for breakfast.

“Okay…” I sigh and take my bag from him. “I’m so ruined you know that?”

He gives me a look, and answers. “I know…”

Soon we find ourselves walking down the sidewalk, minding our own businesses, that is, me making up stories in my head for possible excuses to get away from my granny, and Won bin…well he’s only being his usual frowny self, busying himself with frowning at whoever who passes my.

“I’ll tell her that I was with Ha Ra then…you don’t have to come.”

He doesn’t speak but carries on with his frown. I make an annoyed face. “Why? I just found you a way out!”

This time, he turns to me. “Your granny will go and ask Ha Ra if you were with her, and since you were not, it will make things worse…”

I look down and nod. He’s right. And she’s even more dirty minded than I am; she will come to make even worse conclusions than I did.

“Then what do you suggest?” I ask at last. He remains silent for a moment and answers. “I’ll settle it down…”

I sigh. “Okay then…my life apparently depends on you now…”

For the next few minutes we walk in silence. It’s a chilly Saturday morning in the middle of February and since it’s no school day, we keep on getting odd looks from the passersby, they also probably coming into the same conclusion just as I did. The thought gives me goose bumps; this is the first time that I found myself sleeping beside a guy after sleeping in the same bed with my oppa twelve or so years ago. And this, ending up sleeping beside the very guy I hate more than anything else, it’s really uncomfortable and weird. I can’t figure out how exactly I feel now. Whether it’s anger or something else, but the thought of having his beautiful angel like frowny self next to me…

…it actually feels good…

Okay, I HAVE to stop this, Ireally do HAVE to…I mean, I have somebody else who really likes me for heaven’s sake, and I know myself that he’s the guy that I really like, why will I feel so good being with somebody else?

It’s a moment later that he speaks again.

“What happened last night…it ends here…okay?” He says, looking straight ahead. I nod in agreement. Of course it has to, or I will never forgive myself.

“And never let the guys know…we won’t see an end to it”

I nod again.

we reach home. We both stop before the front door to my house, looking at each other, and my heart stars beating so rapidly. They will kill me, for sure they will…

“So?” I say nervously to Won bin who looks blank as ever and this is not doing any good. This is Oh Won bin for heaven’s sake, will he really-?

Okay…he has done it before…he will…definitely…but, won’t it bother him? Surely he’s the one who will get the blame if he do this, will he be alright…?

No…he has been so helpful to me already, I can’t let him do this.

I reach out and take his hand. He looks at me, fairly surprised.

“Won bin, I’ll manage, you go home”

He gives me a look. “I’ll do it, or they won’t let you out again”

“But you will get all the blame!” I plead. He turns away. “I’ll be fine”

I take his hand and drag him down the slope. “You’re not doing this, you are not!” I say as I do, and instead of trying to stop me, he comes along, and when I stop by the foot of the slop, he turns to me. “What’s wrong with you?” He asks calmly. I make a face. “it’s my fault that I had to stay the night there okay? You don’t have to take the blame”

He glares at me. “I have the responsibility to bring you back and I didn’t do it, I have to take the blame”

“But you would have brought me if I was not drunk!”

“No I wouldn’t have if you were drunk or not, because I wasn’t going to go anywhere”

I shrug. Gosh! He’s so frustrating! Here I am, finding a way out of this mess for him, and he’s being so stubborn to accept it?

“You’re digging your own well you know…” I say at last. He doesn’t even seem to flatter. “One lie won’t kill” He says.

“Won Bin this is not just one lie! You’re pretending! And you’re going to take the blame for keeping me out at night! You know how they are Won Bin, they’d end up with the same conclusion that I came to, and there will be no way to prove it!”

Won Bin sighs hard. “It’s my problem, not yours, just come.” He says and takes my hand. I pull away.

“I’m not doing this”

“Just-!” He says sounding frustrated. “Are you gonna stay away from them for the rest of your life?”

“No” I say urgently and start moving up the slope. “I’m doing it myself”

And the next thing I know is I’m again by my house, nervously staring at it, thinking whether I should open it or not, and then I decide to go in, otherwise Won bin will follow after me once more.

“Ah! Jinja this girl!” I hear my grandma swearing as she comes to the door to catch me alive. I gulp. I know how far she can go when it comes to me and my staying out at night. She’s too convinced that girls musn’t behave the way that I do, and surely now I will end up getting beaten up.

I swallow hard when her ancient self turns up out of our kitchen, looking devilish as ever. She pauses when she sees me standing awkwardly before the sliding door, and before even I can think of a way of running away, she approaches me.

“grandma…” Is all I manage. Seeing her now, I can’t think of anything more horrifying. She looks at me as though the next thing she will be doing is eating me.

“Where have you been?” She asks harshly. I look down and slowly mutter the first thing that came to my mind. “At…a friends…house…”

“At a friend’s house? The whole night?”

“Nae~” I answer, knowing well that she will never accept it.

“Lee Joone! How many times have I told you to not to stay out this long! How many times-!” She raises her hand to hit me, I move away before she could and moan. “I was studying with her okay!”

She keeps her hands on her hips and glares at me. “Studying eh? I know the kind of studying the girls these days do! You liar!”

She comes over to hit me again, I move away for the second time. “Grandma don’t do this to me, I swear I didn’t do anything!”

She catches me by my hand, and my heart stops. Now she’s gotten me, she’s so gonna kill me!

“You can swear alright! But what do I know! What ever you did last night what will I know! Come here you little devil, you’re not going anywhere!”

I lose my grip on it, her very words makes me even madder. Why is she doing this to me? She knows very well that I’m the kind of a girl who never get tricked or faked to fall into such traps, she knows I can assure my own safety, how can she ever think of anything like that.

I harshly pull my hand away from her. “Just let me be grandma! I did not do anything, I know I didn’t! Why can’t you just let me be! I’m eighteen now for heaven’s sake!”

She stares at me as though I just said the worse thing that she could ever think of, and before even I could think of dodging her, she moves fast, and in a flash, she slaps me hard across my cheek.

Tears springs out of my eyes the moment her hand lands on me, and the slap starts ringing in my head so hard, that the first thing I do is regretting my birth. If I were not ever born, my mum and dad won’t be dead, my oppa won’t be suffering, and I won’t be here being slapped for things that I have never done in my life.

And that’s when I hear it, the hateful sound of the front door open.

And so enters Won bin, I squeeze my eyes shut. He can’t do this to me, he can’t do this to himself!

Soon I feel his presence before me, and his hands, they run underneath my face and holds it in them as I start crying harder.

“Lee Joone, are you alright?” He asks in a slow whisper, but this very moment, I can kill him.

“So This is it then! This is the friend who was studying with you last night! I knew it! You think I’m a fool Lee Joone?”

I try to move away, show him away from me and get rid of him for good, but after being hurt so bad, I’m completely powerless before him. This is not him trying to make me feel better, this is him hurting himself and making things even worse.

And making it even worse, he turns to grandma. “She didn’t do anything wrong elder she was with me…”

This makes her even madder. “With you!?! That’s exactly what she did wrong you idiot! Didn’t I ask you to bring her home before midnight!”

“I’m really sorry…we were at my house with my parents-,”

“Won Bin stop it..” I mutter but he doesn’t even hear me.  He takes his hands off my face and lands them on my shoulders.

“With parents?!?” Grandma shouts again. “Such liars!!!” and with that she moves towards me to hit me again. But Won Bin is faster. He turns me around and holds me close, covering me from her. If this is not the moment, I really would have loved the warmth he’s giving me, but I know he’s acting. I know how good a mood shifter he is. If he doesn’t cover this up for me now, he’d lose supervising for the third time…

“Don’t do this to her elder…she didn’t do anything wrong…”

Grandma is silent for a moment, but he really can’t do this for me, or to himself. all the sacrifices that he’s doing for the band, it’s too much, he’d eventully hurt himelf by going on doing this.

And even now, he should stop. He should.

I lift my head and look up at him, his grip around me slowly loosens, and he too, looks at me. His eyes are penetrating and full of concern, but I can’t let him tempt me, I have to get rid of him, or he’d make things even worse. I gently push him away.

“Lee Joone…” He mutters, but I ignore him. I give him my coldest glare. “Won bin, go”

I push him away, harshly before he makes things even worse, and shout. “I don’t need you anymore! Get away from me!!” And with that, I open the front door and push him out of it, I too, get out and start yelling again. I don’t know what is really going on with me, maybe it’s embarrassment after being treated that way before him, but right at this moment, I really hate him for doing this to me.

“Just go…and never come back to me…” I say, ignoring him whenever he tries to speak up. And without even a goodbye, I walk back in.

I don’t want him…yes, whatever the matter he has against me, I don’t care, because I don’t want him anymore…

Won Bin can’t believe what she just did to him. He was trying to help her out of the mess that he  made, how can she even treat him this way?

He walks down the slope, cursing himself like never before. This is crazy, just simply madness. What is wrong with him? He feels like he just came out of a nightmare! A candid camera show where they record all the stupid moves he take and laugh at him all they want. Oh how badly he embarrassed himself right now! he has never acted so corny and cheeky before, not even for a girl, no. Not even for his long time girlfriend, but her! And even after all that, how badly he got told off by her! how hideous must have he looked being thrown out of her house? And being accused of something that he never even had any hopes to do? Of all the things, why is he even here? Why is he putting himself through hell for her! For someone who doesn’t even care for his very existence? He likes her, alright, but he can’t be this way, he wants to be his normal self unlike what he is right now. She can change him, but she can’t turn him into this weirdly desperate, corny someone!

He’d let her do that if she has to, alright, but treat him the way that she did just then?

But then again, why will he care? If having him out of the house, out of problems that he plays a main roll is WHAT exactly she wants, then let her have her ways! It’s not like his whole life depends on her, only that he’s half way through falling for her, that, he can’t help, but if suffering by herself is what she really sough after, why will he really care? He’d let her have what she really wants, and no matter how ever he feels about her, he won’t care, he’d ignore them all, and let her have her ways. Who knows about how he feels for her? Who knows if the feelings he has will be forever? They will go off, one day. She goes on treating him this way when he’s trying his best to protect her just as he has silently promised her, he obviously will lose his grip on her one day, and he won’t care, why? It’s not like there’s no other girls in this world for him? There’s plenty, and all he has to do is find one!

His anger is so superior for his knowledge that by the time he reaches home, it has reached its . He sees that the morning paper is there already when he enters through the gate, and he realizes that it’s not squeezed in through the gate but thrown over, she hasn’t come, but he doesn’t care. He walks over to the front door of his massive sophisticated household, and as usual, receives the hearty greetings from his dedicated house guard.

“But master, are you alright? You didn’t come home last night…” He says, after a very pleasant greeting for the morning.

“Yes, I am…I was at the treasure island.” He answers. Except for his sister, his guard is the only other person of his house who knows about where the band practice.

“I thought…but you should have been late master, your parents are at home…”

He nods again. “I know…they’re waiting for me so I’ll be fine…”

“Are you sure master…?”

He nods once more. “Yes, I am”

And soon he finds himself walking through the hall way, and unlike any other day, he doesn’t tip toe over to his room, but confidently walks straight to the dining room where he’s sure his parents and his sister are already in, taking their breakfast. Just as he expects, they’re there, and so is one of their five house-maids serving them with the food. As soon as she sees him by the massive doorway, she smiles with a bow, and soon disappears into the kitchen as though she just sensed the atmosphere in the silence dining room will soon change.

Meals at the Oh’s house is strict and yes, like any other activity taking place in the house, sophisticated. His father takes his breakfast sharp at seven, and he needs all of the family members to be at the table by the time he comes for his morning meal. And throughout the meal time, none of them speaks, that’s how the rules are, and only after the main course they are supposed to speak whatever they want to, and if any of them are not up for coffee or the morning dessert, that person is up to leave the table. Even now Won Bin washes his hands and approaches his usual chair. He pours himself a pot of cereal and milk and silently nibble on it though he has no appetite to eat, his sister sees him, she gives him a tiny nod, and so goes on the main course, it’s after they are all done that his father speaks.

“Won Bin, you have disappointed your father again” His father says, looking straight into his eyes. His very look makes him cold and weak underneath. His father, unlike any other shows no emotions towards his children. He’s tall, lean and possesses almost all the features that he has. He has the same thick dark hair that Won Bin used to have which he changed because he doesn’t want to look too much like his father. Everyone who first sees them together will say that he takes after his father, and being the only son of the family, that may be, but he doesn’t want it. But there are some points where he feels like he has to, for an instance, now.

“Award winner, best conductor of the year five years in a row, owner of the harmony orchestra, university graduate in classical music from germany, all that and a father of a useless flower boy band singer like you. How pathetic!” He says in his usual, deep, professional voice which always scares him, but now, he has the confidence, he has the power. After he went through just before, he has gained enough of power to speak up if he has to. But he won’t, not yet.

“But I won’t make you stop and leave…nobody knows who you are so I give you a chance.”

Won bin doesn’t response, already knowing what it is. His father continues. “FNC…the owner, I know…I give you this chance only because of that very reason, not because of you and your pathetic dreams if you really think you can make a living with a boy band, I give you and your boy band a chance…Win the contest, get into FnC and if you have gained enough popularity as a hallyu star, you have succeeded…if not, you have not…you’ll be off to Netherlands no matter if you like it or not”

“Don’t worry father, I won’t disappoint you” Won Bin says, finally finding his words, and him speaking that way surprises both his mother and sister, but he doesn’t care. He knows they won’t lose. With the exceptional talents of s and superb supervising of Lee Joone, it’s an obvious fact that they will never lose, and he’s confident enough to say so. But for a man so over his head like his father, there’s no point of saying so.

It’s his mother who speaks next. “And don’t do such acts like you did last time on the stage again, Won Bin, we don’t accept it” She says in her usual womanly voice, which scares him as much as his father does. He remains silent, letting her continue.

“The Kim family is really unhappy of your doing. Do remember though you’re still schooling, you’re arranged for their daughter, you can’t disappoint them, and also, nothing changes. This girl or that girl, nothing will…if anyone involved is found out, you will regret it”

He doesn’t nod or answer just as he knows she expect. He can’t make himself give her any answer. He’s now in a complicated state, thinking if he could really love her anymore or not. This can’t happen, start hating her again as soon as his feelings aroused, but after what she just did to him, he’s not sure whether he’d carry on with his promise to protect her if he keeps on getting told off and rejected just as it happened before. He’s a man with a personality which she must be aware by now. He doesn’t like being rejected, told off, and thrown out by any girl, no matter whether it’s her or Hyun-a. But whenever he’s reminded of her beautiful smile, her hearty words and the feel of her lips, he just begins to like her more. It keeps him in the awkward position of two alternatives. Forget her and stay away from her just as he wants it, or let his heart folloew what it wants and go on liking her who will never look at him again but indulge herself by looking at somebody else.

But at this very moment, what he really needs is a good shower and a rest. He skips the morning coffee which both his parents doesn’t seem to care. Nor does they question about where he were last night, his whereabouts don’t concern them much as long as he doesn’t reveal his true identity.

After a long night, he’s relieved to be in his room once again, and although his heart screams for a good nap after sacrificing his own good sleep for her who doesn’t want to see him again, what he really wants now is a sleep. But he’s so concerned about his cleanliness and also about his hair which always needs constant contact with water to stay the same, so the first thing he does is having a bath. And even during his bath, what he thinks about is her. What she said to him this morning really bothers him. They were in the hall all alone, both drunk, almost out of their minds,  but that will never be a reason to try anything with her as she assumed, He can’t believe or figure out how they ended up sleeping together, he never knew that they did on the first place until she woke him up this morning. He did feel different after a while after he fell asleep that night, but never thought it was her. And even though they did, he will never have done it. Things have happened between him and Hyun-A, but nothing has gone beyond for him, nevertheless he knows that with Lee Joone, no matter if they’re together or not, he will never go that far. She’s too light and fragile, and the feelings he thought he had for her a while ago were as fragile as that.

 But now that She asked him to not to come back to her, he also doesn’t want to. His feelings are again gradually fading away. He can’t have feelings for someone who doesn’t want him in her life, and if that is what she wants, he’d do it, wish granted, he’d stay away. But then again…will he be alright? Will he be alright to forget her and live as though she doesn’t exist even while having her right before his eyes? Will he ever make it through whenever she smiles and laughs around him, when she speaks to him as though there’s no other thing as important as himself? He doesn’t know yet. Until he sees her again, he doesn’t know any of it yet.

Back when my dad was alive, he’s been my life savior. I’ve been through a lot for the past years, and all through that, I had either him,or oppa, and when I have none of them around, I’m wasted, simply gone for waste. And that’s when I regret being born, when I’m helpless, not cared, I want to not exist anymore so that I hide away from anyone and everyone, I lock myself in my room, and cry.

I hate crying, I hare it when I have any reason to cry, but I’m helpless, I have no other alternative but sit somewhere and cry. And so I do.

I’m in my room, locked away from the outer world, locked away from anyone who can bother me and am crying hopelessly, regretting everything I did. I can’t figure out why she’s doing this to me. I’ve always been her dedicated grand daughter, doing whatever she asks me to do, taking care of oppa, taking care of my crazy stupid aunt, earning, doing all these by myself without even expecting any appreciating…what reasons does she have to treat me as though I’m completely useless? One mistake doesn’t decide my whole life! And that poor Won bin…though it was for the band’s sake, he was trying so hard to help me out. He might be so moody and weird, but when it comes to helping someone, he can be so sweet and committed, I should have seen that all before I kicked him out. He must be really upset, after all he went through, being treated that way…

But sincerely speaking, I don’t want to have him being embarrassed in front of me anyway. He’s arrogant, he’s a man with a status, and how can he be put into such a state in front of a girl like me? I was trying to not to let that happen, he was doing that to himself, but due to my own mental strategies, what came out was completely on the contraire. How can I even help it if I just hurt him?

And that’s when I hear my grandma’s voice by the door of my room, I’m keeping it locked, but I can’t do so when she wants to enter, though it is the last thing I expect from her.

I stubbornly get onto my feet and walk to the door, and the next thing I know is, I’ve let her inside. I quickly wipe the tears off my face, but without a doubt, she has seen it.

“Lee Joone…” She says slowly, seeing my tear filled eyes, and her surprisingly calm tone just puts me into the state of crying once more. I cry so hard, covering my face with both my palms and soon I feel her hands around my, patting me on my shoulder.

“I’m really sorry my darling” She whispers in her old voice. “I won’t do that again”

Later on, I find myself spilling half of it to her, and surprising me, she listens without a word. I still stick to the part where Won Bin and I are dating because it will be bad for his personality to be referred to as someone who’s pretending for another’s sake, and by the end of my story, she reaches out and takes my hand.

“Lee Joone, my darling…as long as you’re doing what you think is right, I’m also fine…and helping this band…I’m really happy and proud to hear it…helping another for good cause really is a good deed…but what worries me is your safety…are you sure these boys cause no harm?”

I nod. “Yes, grandma, all of them are school kids, two are maknaes, and one has had lost his girlfriend and is afraid to date once more and Won Bin he…” I trail off. I know what she understands is that we’re together, which really isn’t the case. She looks at me with her eyes full of concern. “Honey…this Won Bin…do you know…enough about him to start dating him?”

I nod again. Truthfully I do know more than enough, but that is not to date him, just because. But the answer I give her is totally on the contraire. And I decide to tell her the truth. It’s not like she’d cause any huge issue anyway.

“He…actually is the son of a famous musician…he’s…” I look straight into her surprised eyes. “Teacher Oh Ji Won’s only son…”

Grandma’s silent for a moment, and asks. “How…did you meet him then?”

I smile, remembering that moment, that one beautiful memory of seeing his shy smile for the first time. “I met him when I was giving out the papers…about a month…ago…I ran into him…”

Grandma still stares at me, looking aghast. “And then…who…confessed…?”

I take in a long breath. This, never happened, so I have to make it up. And I sigh. “He…did…” But it’s a dream. A perfect prince who has almost everything…him confessing to a small suburb girl like me…it’s more unlikely to happen.

“How…?”

I look upwards, thinking of a way that he could have done it, and eventually all the memories about him flows into my mind. His shy smile when I ripped my skirt before his very eyes, his eternal frown, his singing that day on the first day of the contest, how he treated me when I got the traumatophobia, how he sat beside me at the bus halt that night when he came begging for me, how he held me against his heart when I shed tears on him…how he kissed me…that perfect moment when he held me, indulging me with the softest feather-light touch of his lips…

“On the stage…” I hear my self-saying. “At the contest…on the Valentine’s Day…he said…he loved me…and we…kissed…”

For a moment, we’re both silent, me, unbelieving that I’m making up so many lies about loving the very person I hate the most. This is irrational, feeling so odd and weird towards him, shouldn’t the one to whom I should feel this way be Hong Gi? What makes me feel like flying when I’m here making up lies about him?

After a long silence, Grandma finally asks. “Honey….do you…love…him that much?”

I’m quite surprised by the question, since the precise answer is ‘no’. But instead, I find myself nod. “Oh~” (Yes in Korean)

Grandma looks at me with her eyes full of concern. “Honey…I…don’t know if I should accept…him as your boyfriend…”

“Oh?”

She takes a deep breath and looks ahead, her eyes focused on something far away. “Your mother…she too had a similar situation…”

I widen my eyes, surprised that I’m hearing something that she has never spoken to me about, before.

“When she was a school girl, when she was your age…she was also…in love with a rich boy…”

“She…was?” I ask, finding my voice sounding so small. Grandma nods. “Yes…she…was madly in love, she was ready to do anything for him, trusted him in every way that she….finally gave herself in…she ended up having your brother in such a young age…”

My eyes widens in shock of hearing this, and for a moment, I’m completely dumbfounded. So that…is how she got oppa…? And she always kept it from me? The small secret that she always kept from me…? It’s that she got her son from somebody else?

“You’re surprised to hear it, aren’t you…?” She asks, looking into my face which surely looks hideous because of my surprise.

I manage a nod. And ask. “So…that guy…she loved, what did he do?”

Grandma looks away. “He tricked her, and he left her with the child…she was devastated, helpless, she didn’t want to give away the child that she gave up schooling and looked after your brother. If not for your father who accepted her though she had a child, she’d have died suffering…”

After all this, she looks up into my eyes, which surely are filled with tears remembering my mother who left me two years ago. She must have suffered so much, and even before she left me, I’ve seen how badly she suffered because of the two of us, after my dad died six years ago, it was her who suffered all by herself to bring us up, she inspired me to follow her footsteps to be as courages as her to be strong whatever the trouble I face, though she has left me, the path she has made for me will still and always exist.

I wipe my tears and force out a smile. She slowly touches my cheek and says. “You and your brother are the most precious gifts that she has left for me Lee Joone…and all I want is seeing him and you happy and healthy until the day I die…”

“Grandma…” I hear my self mutter and soon I lean towards her, folding her into a hug. For the next few minutes we remain the same until she finally pulls back, wiping my tears. “You always remind me of your mother Lee Joone, you’re the exact resemblance of her, and that’s why I want to protect you because I couldn’t protect her. I was so worried if anything happened to you last night…”

I shook my head. “No…in fact, Won Bin and I were alone together in the band room…but he will never do anything of the sort, he’s not that kind of a person grandma, I can assure that”

She smiled. “I thought so…the way he treated you just then…he must be loving you so much…”

I smiled, unable to say anything. If only she knew that it’s only how much he’s dedicated for the band…if only she knew that the man I like is not him…

But I decide to keep my mouth shut. For now, it’s only Won bin and me. Even though it’s never happening it’s only him and me now.

She smiles again. “Honey if he makes you happy, I’m happy too…but please don’t let things go wrong…it’s you who matters the most…unlike your mother, you’re a lot strong…so never let anything go wrong between you…” I nod, not fearing it a bit. He’s not the kind of a guy. I know. He was so pissed off even when I came to such assumptions, so I’m sure that he will never ever try anything weird even though we were together.

Which is so unlikely to happen.

And that’s when my phone starts beeping. It’s a message. I excuse myself from her and reach out to take my phone from my bed. It’s from Hong Gi.

‘So are you up for tonight?’ It says. I take sometime to comprehend what he really means, and then remember that he asked me out last night. Sudden excitement sweeps through me as I reply to him saying yes. I put away the phone feeling so enthusiastic. Gosh, I’ve been so engrossed in this mess that I even forgot it! I have to call Ha Ra, fashion emergencies.

I feel grandmas getting closer, and she asks. “Is it Won Bin?” I’m surprised since it really isn’t, but I lie.

“Yes…well..he…” I look straight at her in realization. “Grandma! Can I-? Can I go?”

She doesn’t answer, but keeps on giving me a weird smile. I plead. “Oh please Grandma! I promise I will come home before ten!! Please!!”

She smiles and pats on my back. “Aigoo! This little devil!! Go! So I can have a peaceful sleep…”

I smile widely and hug her again. “Oh thank you grandma! Thank you!”

She laughs and pulls away.  “But come home before midnight, okay? And…go see oppa before you go, he needed to see you…”

I smile and hop up on my feet. Gosh! I’ve never felt so hyper in my life!

“What do you say, pink or blue?” I ask Ha Ra when we’re at the treasure island, choosing nail colours for my date with Hong Gi tonight. She’s always so helpful when it comes to that kind of things, but only this is the first time that I’m actually going on a date, and I’m actually really paranoid, I mean, what if I do anything really weird? What if I totally embarrass him? I know Hong Gi wouldn’t mind, but still it would be totally horrible!

I did take some on-date advice from Ha Ra who has done it before, but still I feel really paranoid.

“I say pink, blue is too funky on you” Ha Ra says as she goes through the dresses I brought from home so that she can pick one for me. Then she holds out the silk light pink dress that once belonged to my mum. “I say this…you’re a gentle soul, so pink goes well”

I hear Jae Jin snort from behind. He’s sitting in the sofa, indulging himself through watching us girls, well, doing typical girl stuff while we’re on the floor, deciding on how I should look on my first date.

I turn to him and give him a cold look. “Why? Am I not a gentle soul?”

He raises his eyebrows. “If so, what will we call that Minan over there?”

My eyes turn to Minan who’s busy reading a Naruto manga comic. He lifts his head, in alert to his name, and as t hough nothing happened, he returns to his book.

“Anyway, “ I say, returning to what I was doing. “Will that dress suit my shoes? They’are silver-.”

Ha Ra leans over and hits on my head. “That’s why I brought shoes for you dummy!”

I smile widely. “Thank you Ha Ra! That’s so sweet of you!”

She reaches into her bag and pulls out two pairs of beautiful heeled sandals. My eyes immediately lands on the pair of white wedged sandals with a massive white rose on the top. Ha Ra follows my gaze and smiles. “I was thinking of the same”

I smile back. “I love you, you know that?”

She makes a face. “Shouldn’t you be saying that to Hong Gi?”

I reach out and hit her on the head. “Yah! We just started dating men!”

I hear someone coming down the stairs, there appears Jong Hun out of the darkness and stares down at us, his eyes clouded with the weirdest look ever.

“What are you girls doing?” He asks, finally getting rid of his look. It’s Jae Jin who answers. “Noona’s going on a date” He says shortly.

“Jinja? With whome? Won Bin?”

I give him a look. “Note even a chance, I’m going with Hong Gi”

 Jong Hun walks to his stool. “So you guys are dating?”

“Not exactly…he didn’t ask me yet, so we’re not an item…”

He smiles. “Good for you!”

I smile back. “Anyway? Why isn’t Won bin coming?” I ask. Jong hun looks at me straight. “He’s on the way, he has composed a song in Japanese, he has had some issues at home that makes him late”

I nod. “He better come soon or I want be here to listen to it”

“He’d come soon”

It’s around six thirty already, I’m leaving at seven, okay, Hong Gi’s coming to pick me up from the Treasure Island since he can’t pick me up from home and I’d be dressing up at here with Ha Ra, but all before that, I have to hear the song, but Won Bin’s still not here yet. It’s not like I’m waiting for him, no, I’m actually waiting for the song, only that none of them are here yet.

After one last glance at my watch, I shrug and moan. “Oh! I give up!”

“Are you going to dress up already?” Ha Ra asks when she’s done putting the finishing touches on her nails. I’m already done with mine, and she also did my eyebrows well, stuck eyelashes and ironed my hair, all while the guys are watching, and now they’re scattered around. Jae Jin is fast asleep in the sofa, Minan is still engrossed in him Naruto comic while Jong Hun is reading a book with a pair of specs on which looks extremely hot on him (Ha Ra squeeled when he put it on) and we’re still down on the floor, waiting for Won bin to turn up, but there’s no sign of him.

I turn to Ha Ra. “We have to do the make up too, I better get dressed shouldn’t I? I can listen to the song when he comes before I leave”

She agrees. “Yeah, you better, it won’t bother the guys after all-!”

I hit her on the head once more. “Of course it won’t! dummy!”

She breaks out laughing, and Jong Hun gives me a weird look. I just roll my eyes and walk into the bathroom of the Island with my bag of cloths and close the door behind me.

One reason why I love the treasure island is that it’s so neat and organized. It’s not just a band room, it’s more like a place where one lives at. There’s a clean bathroom, a fridge and a cupboard full of necessary things like bed sheets and papers and even extra guy cloths, and we take chances of cleaning every two days, (Which I’ve skipped twice, but it never mattered anyway) and also the fridge is filled every two weeks.

I get rid of my cloths and dress up in the cloths I brought from home, but they have no mirror inside, I’d have to ask the others if I look alright. I arrange the dress as much as I could and take a deep breath before I walked out of the bathroom. I approach the hall in small steps, worried if I look horrible. Seriously! This isn’t the first time I’m trying this dress, and I’ve never looked pretty in it-

I soon arrive at the hall, feeling odd and weird, and when I’m fully out in the hall, I gasp silently at the sight before me, and I smile sweetly as I could, seeing Won Bin before me.

At last, he’s arrived…

I see his frowny eyes staring down at me, okay, frowning down at me for long enough. I gulp, feeling odd that he does, and surprising me, he turns away, ignoring me and sits down in his stool. I shrug and look at the others who also don’t look very satisfied, except for Ha Ra, all the others looks so completely dumb and blank.

“Come on! Everyone! Your noona’s going to go on her first date and you’re not even being encouraging!”

The silence carries on, it’s Jong Hun who finally speaks, and it’s to Won Bin, completely ignoring me.

Ah! This boys!

“So how’s the song?” He asks him. Won bin dips his hand into his guitar case and produces a file and hands it over to Jong Hun. He goes through it, and except for Ha Ra, the others act as though I don’t exist. I look at Ha Ra helplessly, she smiles and approaches me. “Don’t worry, they’re just pissed off…you look beautiful by the way! Let me do your make-up”

I nod with a smile, and as she goes to pick up the make up box that she brought for me, I sit on the sofa next to Jae Jin who’s up after a nap, and start putting on my sandals. I see him standing up and moving towards his stool.

Just-what on earth is wrong with these people?

“I like the lyrics, and the tempo is good, let’s hear it…” Jong Hun says, not once looking at me, and sits back, waiting for Won Bin to start.

I smile when Ha Ra sits next to me with the make up.

“Why won’t they speak to me all of a sudden?” I ask her as she takes out the foundation. She gently puts it on me. “You better ask them Joonie, I really can’t think of a reason why all of them would ignore you”

She puts down the foundation and puts the blusher on my cheeks. I speak when she reaches for the eye shadow. “Won Bin must be still mad at me, I did something bad to him this morning, but the others? They were okay before!”

She makes me close my eyes and puts a pale pink colour on my lids. “Maybe they’re stunned by your beauty…”

I make a fake laugh. “That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!”

She nudges me and I open my eyes. “What?”

“You are pretty you fool! You just don’t see it-!”

“Are you done Lee Joone?” I hear Won Bin say, and it makes Ha Ra move away immediately. I look at him, stunned by his tone, but I feel that all the eyes are me. I nod slowly. Jong Hun simply turns to Won Bin. “Start”

It starts with slow but heart filling guitar , and my eyes focus only on Won Bin, he just makes my heart beat faster than ever before.

When he starts to sing, he takes me to a completely different world. He’s full of emotions and wonder. His eyes are closed, enjoying it probably, and without even my awareness I close my eyes.

‘Feel me kimi to I wanna be with you
Baby motto I wanna be with you
De　a　i soe hajimete ta
Fukaku tsuyoku hakanai o　mo　I’

As his voice goes on…in my mind I see him, him smiling through the fountain showers, his eyesm his hair, his lips…and the undesirable feeling that I always hate, it builds up within me once more.

‘Hear me sousa ano simple words
You know itsumo ano simple words
Muri ni kazaranakute i　i　nda
Bokura dakara wakari a　e　ru
Me wo tojite mo tsutawaru kara’

His voice goes up, reaches a , and in my mind, so do I. Many visions starts making blurry pictures in my brain, and each and every one of it involves him. I see his smile once more, I see him smiling at me the first day we met, I see him holding me, him holding my hand firmly betweem his, and I feel it, his touch, his fingers running through mine, running around my neck, running through my hair…and then his lips touching mine, grazing on them, moving so slowly and smoothly which fills my heart like never before…

‘Kimi wa soyogi nagara
Azayaka ni iro zuki
Boku wo yurasu toki ni terasu…’

Kimi wo mamoreru nara
Subete sasageru kara
Koe ni naranai
Koe ga mune ni hibiku
Always loving you…’

I lower my face, unable to live though the pain I’m receiving now in my heart. It’s ripping me apart, burns me inside like an angry fire, a fire which spreads through my veins, whispering a message which I still can’t comprehend. I feel like I’m doing the biggest  mistake of my life, like I’m breaking, shattering something precious into million pieces, and without even my awareness, tears start rolling down my cheeks.

The song has ended.

“Noona…?” I hear a voice say,but my hart beat never seems to slow down, I feel like I’m about to die…What is happening to me?

“Noona…look, we’re sorry if we hurt you…”

I finally lift my head, and see many pairs of eyes focused on me, and at my glance, Won Bin’s eyes turn away. Jae Jin looks at me with concern.

“Noona…did you just…cry?”

I shake my head, still unable to think about what Won Bin just did to me by his singing, and I force a smile after wiping the drops of tears which have ruined my face.

“Gwenchana~” I say feeling like I’m saying a total lie. “I just rembered…something…”

“Anyway…” I say, forcing another massive smile. “That was beautiful…Won Bin…it’s…inexplicable…the feeling I got just now…but”

I look at him straight. “There were some faults between where you skipped to the next verse and then to the chorus…even in the chorus you had some faults…I think it will sound better as a duet…”

“Noona…” Jae Jin says, still sounding concerned. I look at him with a smile, but he doesn’t let me speak.

“Do you really want to date Hong Gi hyun?”

I’m surprised by the question that I stare into his eyes for so long without giving any answer, and finally nod. He sighs. “Noona…we don’t like you to date him…you’re our noona, not there’s or his…”

“Oh?” I ask, surprised. So that’s why they were giving me the silent treatment just now…

Minan also looks at me. “It’s like you like him more than you like us…”

I smile innocently. “There’s nothing like that…”

“More than that, it will distract you joonie, even now you were really distracted!” Jong Hun adds urgently. “I don’t want to hurt you, I really don’t want to…but I can’t have that happening in the band…”

I bite my lip and look down at my hand. Now I’m not sure if what I’m doing is wrong or right. I can’t hurt them or bother them with my doing either but then again, this is my life, my private life, my life which has nothing to do with work…do they have the right to interfere with it?

“Joonie…it’s alright, I know you can manage them both…” Ha Ra whispers into my ear. I nod. She’s right…I can…

But I’m really not sure whether that’s exactly the problem they have…

But whatever the case is, I can’t let them or anyone interfere with my private life. This is my life, and I decide who I should be with whether they like it or not.

I look up and move my eyes over them, who look as blank as ever, except for Won Bin who’s frowning as ever, and I speak.

“You remember what I told Won Bin yesterday at the square?” I pause as I’m waiting them to answer, but I carry on anyway. “That…is considered in my account as well…this is my life, and I know what I’m doing, you’re who I work for, and He’s who I like, there’s a difference, and that you need to understand. I love you all, I do, but that doesn’t mean you should change how my feelings are…understood?”

I run my eyes over each of them, but none of them seems convinced. But I don’t care. He says I was distracted, but what does he know? I was listening, I heard every single syllable one by one, I let it touch my heart, even after all that, he says I was distracted, What does he know?

And then again, why do I care, this is my life, so why will I ever do?

It’s Jong hun who finally speaks. “Okay…whatever you want then…but don’t let it interfere your work”

I smile sweetely. “I won’t”

He doesn’t answer and turns to Won bin who’s busy scribbling something on the lyrics sheet. “What’s wrong?” Jong Hun asks. Won Bin lifts his head. “No, just a small mistake…”

“I see…”

And then again, they return to act as though I never exist. I let out a long sigh. They’re plain stupid and pathetic to think like that. This is my life, not their’s or anybody elses. I might be their noona alright, but this life, I own it, and so I must be the one who make decisions for it.

It’s a moment later that I hear a honk out side. Ha Ra quickly lean over and arrange my hair, My make up was smudged due to crying which she redid, and when she’s satisfied with how I look, she hands me my white purse. “Perfect” She says when I twirl around before her, also indicating that I’m looking pretty for him, and I too, offer her my biggest smile. After all, she’s my best friend. I know she will always be by my side no matter whatever happens.

“Still nervous?” She asks when I move towards the staircase without even once glancing at the guys. I nod, feeling it rising up in me once more. “Do I look okay?” I ask her once we’re in the middle of the stairs. She smiles. “Joonie! You looks fabulous!! He’s gonna love you for real after tonight!!!”

I smile wider, feeling my heart hopping up and down so hard. So this is it then…I’m going out with Hong Gi for real…

By the time we both turn up at the beginning of the staircase, I see him leaning casually against his car, and as soon as he sees me, his eyes widenes and gives me his biggest smile. I smile back as he approaches me.

“Hey! Joonie…you look stunning tonight!” He greets me as he reaches out to my hand. I smile shyly and turn to Ha Ra who’s by the door. “I’ll be going then…take care of the boys and yourself okay??”

She nods. “I will! Have a good time Joonie! And you too Hong Gi!”

He turns to her and smiles. “You too! Bye!” He says, and leads me to the passenger seat. He opens the door for me which I accept with gratitude, and soon he’s beside me wearing the biggest smile that I’ve ever seen. I too, remain smiling, but once I have him beside me…something feels not right. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing, leaving my boys behind, but then again, if they want to go on interfereing my life…I’m not letting them to. I will date Hong Gi as long as I want to, no matter if they like it or not….

Or no matter how odd I feel when doing this…like I’m doing the biggest mistake of my life…

…like I’m hurting anybody…

And as we ride through the post rain breeze in the seoul city, I see it, remember it that the last time I saw him…Won Bin’s frown…wasn’t a frown anymore…

No…I’m crazy, I’m crazy to think he was not frowning…