“One…two…three…! Now!” Doctor byeol orders, and the other two place the magnets on his chest, and in a swift movement, they pull it back, making oppa’s lifeless body move upwards in a flash, it soon falls back onto the bed making my heart pain so badly, and tears springs out of my eyes. They have been doing it for the past few minutes after he got the , this time it has been a massive shot, his heart has stopped, and they’re doing their best to get it running again, The horrifying thought has stopped my own heart, I can’t hear it beating again, and I have no more tears to shed, everything has fallen apart….but no, I have to be strong. I will save my brother no matter what it will take…

“One two three now!!” The second one goes, I close my eyes…
Still no good…

“In five seconds!” Doctor Byeol’s voice sounds over the beeping sounds in the theatre room, and due to the sounds and all my crying, my head starts to pain. I remain keeping my eyes closed tight and slowly press on my forhead. I really can’t take this, the pressure on my head is just too much for me to handle. I hate to see him being given this treatment, I hate to hear the explosive sound that it makes when the magnets touch his skin, I hate to hear the doctors counting, I hate to hear the endless beeping sound, I just hate to be here because everytime this happens, I become weaker and weaker until my own heart stops, it always scares me if the loud beep, the straight green line running on the dark screen will be the same forever, and if I will be left in this world all alone. I won’t be able to handle it if it will ever happen. I will die, I will simply die…

“Honey…you better stay outside…” a slow voice says into my ear over all the annoying noises in the room I nod, and slowly she leads me out, and soon I fall into a chair outside, and without even my awareness, I break into tears. I can’t help myself crying. Right now I’m all alone in this world, having nobody to turn to, having nobody to listen to me, and I feel so hopeless before all the troubles I’m facing. No matter how courageous I try to be, following my mother’s footsteps, the more I try, the more powerless I will be. I don’t know how I should react to get myself out of this state, I’m desperate for help that I will never receive. What else have I got to do other than just crying??

It’s around an hour or so later that doctor Kim Byeol approaches me, I immediately get on my feet and rush towards him, relief sweeps through me when he smiles slightly and nods. “He made it through this time miss Lee…”

I nod, reach out and squeeze his hand. “Thank you doctor!”  He’s used to my gestures that he doesn’t flinch, instead, he looks at me rather seriously.

“Miss Lee…we can’t handle the risk any longer…the surgery is now crucial if it can be done soon…now that the cardinal attack was major, we can’t assure how strong the next one could be…it’s better if we can place the pacemaker soon enough”

I take a long breath and ask. “How soon ?”

He looks straight into my eyes, scaring me, and says. “Within three days…I recommend tomorrow…we can’t wait any longer”

I sigh and look at him pleadingly. “Can’t the fee be reduced…doctor?”

He shakes his head. “I did my best….the hospital staff are donating 5,000,000 wons for you….that makes it 45,000,000 to be paid by you…”

I feel faintish hearing the amount. How will I ever find it all in just one day? The amount that I have collected is less than half of it! I can’t fin that much in just one day, not even by working for 24 hours…

I see defeat clouding my eyes as tears well up, only asking me to accept it. I’m no use…

But no…my brother is everything, just simply everything…He’s what that my parents suffered for, that they sacrificed and died for. And I will do the same. No matter how much it will take, no matter even if I have to die in the end, I will save my brother, I will…

I look straight at doctor Kim. “Give me a some time Doctor…two days…I will find the money…”

He smiles. “I know you will…daughter….You’re such a dedicated sister…If I were your father, I will be so proud of you…I will give you tew days…but the surgery will be done tomorrow, at night…find me the money by the end of the next day…”

I nod, gathering all my courage… “I Will find the money…trust me, I will…”

 

 

The next day, the Treasure Island is found to be silent as never before. None of the guys speaks, none played, and they are simply just engrossed in their own work, minding their own business. They made it to the semi-final round last night, but they’re not satisfied because to share the victory, their beloved supervisor noona is not there anymore.

All four of them tried to contact her million times, Won Bin even visited her house but found it empty, he can’t figure out what probably has gone wrong with her, and also he has no way to find it out. He sees how Minan keeps glancing at his phone waiting for it to ring with her number. He sees how upset Jae Jin is, regretting his own doing to come up with the idea of giving her the silent treatment, and he sees how worried Jong Hun is, he’s restlessly pacing around, taking out his phone very often. Won Bin knows more clearly than anything else that Lee Joone means everything to the members of the band.

It’s a moment later that Won Bin’s phone starts to ring. They’re so surprised and anticipating that all four of them nearly turns the place over to find his phone from where it was last seen, it’s Won Bin who finds it, his eyes lands swiftly on its screen and his heart breaks into shreds. He looks up at the others who are staring at him, anticipating his response, and shakes his head. The response that he gets is not appealing. He ignores them and turns to his phone.

“Nae~ Noona…”

It’s his sister on the other end, speaking urgently as ever before. “Look…where are you…?”

Won Bin makes a face at her tone. “At the treasure island…wae?”

She’s silent for a moment, and then she speaks, lowering her voice. “The Kim’s are coming…don’t come home…but I will have to send Hyun-a over…she’s upset.”

Won Bin lays his head on the head rest of the sofa he’s sitting in. “Why are they coming all of a sudden?”

“Hyun-a has been making issues at home because you haven’t spoken to her the past few days. Make her feel better, don’t start any fights…be as sweet as you could…is Lee Joone around?”

He shakes his head as though she can see it. “No…she won’t come for a while…we can’t contact her…”

Noona’s again silent, and when she speaks again, it’s in her normal tone. “Wae? Did you visit her place?”

He nods. “Nae…but nobody’s there…we’re waiting for her to call…if we don’t receive any…we’re going to go find her…”

“You better do…” She says on the other end. “Is there…anything that might be bothering her? Girls do hide a lot if they can’t face problems”

Won bin thinks for a while, and answers. “She…wasn’t in good terms with the band for the past few days…but she’s okay with me…other than that, the biggest problem is her brother”

Won Bin’s sister already knows about Joonie’s brother, he told her all that he knows about him.

“Do you think he’s sick again? You better check on that too…”

“Nae~” He scratches his head. “I have to…Noona…can’t we like, meet Hyun-a another day? I’m really not in the mood…”

This makes her mad. “When are you in the mood Binnie? I know you’re upset about Lee Joone but this is your real life! Everything doesn’t depend on her! Talk this out with her today before she makes things worse, you know how she is!”

Won Bin closes his eyes. Right now he wishes he could really drift away and hide in the very place that Lee Joone has hidden herself. He doesn’t want to live in his real life, his real life is hard and sour. He wants to live all happy and carefree like Joonie does even though she has problems over her head. But how could he when everyone is bothering him!

“Alright” He says, still keeping his eyes closed. “Just this once…I don’t want to see her again after I win this thing…I’m going to break it to her-,”

“Oh Won Bin! Are you out of your mind!”

Won Bin sighs. “Look, noona…This is my life, I decide what I want and not!”

He hears her sighing on the other end. “Okay…then do whatever you want…but please don’t end up regretting it”

“I won’t” He assures her. “Trust me, I won’t…”

And the line goes dead. He remains there, his head against the head rest of the sofa, his eyes staring up at the rusty ceiling, and he looks up, finally, to see the other three waiting for him to speak.

“Hyun-a is coming over” He announces, and watches how their faces change.

“What? Why now?” Jae Jin asks, sounding annoyed.

“She has things to discuss…” he answers shortly.

“Why here? You can go somewhere else…”

Won Bin glares at Jae Jin. “Look, even I don’t want to see her, what other options do I have?”

Jong Hun reaches out and lands his hand on Jae Jin’s shoulder. “Come, let’s go out for a while”

“Can I come?” Minan asks.

“Sure,” Jong Hun says and turns to Won Bin. “We’ll be at the Memphis. You come around when you’re done. We’ll speak to Hong Gi, he might know something”

Won Bin nods. “Sure, it won’t take long…”

And soon he finds himself watching them as the three of them leave the treasure island. Leaving him behind with only the silence and shadows inside.

 

 

 

I skipped school, I skipped my breakfast, I asked for an extra lane from the paper office so that I can get more money out of it, I skipped my lunch, I didn’t buy anything for myself, not even a bottle of water, I’m doing everything I can to collect 45 million Wons but I haven’t even reached up to half of it, and now I’m helpless, exhausted, practically dead after using up all my power, still not making any improvement. If I can leave everything and hide away right now, that’s exactly what I will do. I’m exhausted. I can’t go to the Memphis and take my job back just for a day, I can’t get pity out of anybody, that will only make me weaker. I tried everything else. I looked after a child for two hours, I helped out an old granny. I worked at the Dongdaemun market with my aunt’s friend and earned only a little out of it, and now, being half dead, it leaves me with only one option, sit and cry.

But I’m sick of crying by myself, that is not doing any good. I need someone to speak to, I need someone who will listen to me when I spill out all I have in my mind right now. It’s like, my head is all about to explode with all that are filled inside. All the events which have happened so far are flooding my head. Being given the silent treatment, realizing whom I love with is Won Bin knowing that I can never love him, getting myself stuck in being in love with two men at once, and then oppas cardinal attack, and now earning for his surgery which is to happen tonight. This all happened to me at once, and now are stuck inside me, wanting to break through. But only I have no one to break it out to…no one except…

Realizing what exactly I should do, I increase my pace towards the bus stop, gathering all the power I have left and for my relief, the bus arrives just at time, and soon I find myself travelling towards the place where I will find the only one whom I can trust with all my heart to listen to me with no hesitations, the very man now I love…

 

 

 

“Won Bin-ah~” He hears the annoying nasal voice of her echoing in the staircase of the treasure Island around half an hour later after the others left. Until her arrival what he was doing is playing his guitar tunelessly, trying to figure out a way to get hold of Lee Joone’s whereabouts. It scares him, not knowing where the hell she has vanished to. And it really irritates him, having to meet Hyun-a at this very moment when his mind is in a very complicated state.

“Hey! You came?” Won Bin greets as warmly as he can, realising it himself that what Lee Joone said to him once is true. He’s one hell of a good mood shifter.

“Nae~” She says, approaching him in her usual cat walk. “Yoo-Bin unnie told me you were here…” She looks around at the hall, certainly disappointed that she has nobody else to make miserable. “Where are the others…?”

Won Bin smiles and leads her towards the sofa where he was sitting before. “They went out for a bit…I stayed back for you…”

She smiles, and he gulp hard. He might not like her anymore, but he always had a thing for her smile. But then again, it’s nothing compared to the one that Lee Joone constantly gave him.

“So…What do you want? Iced tea? Lemonade?” He asks, surprised to see their refrigerator refilled. He doesn’t remember doing it…

“No…just water, Honey”

He grabs a bottle of iced water from the fridge and walks towards her. He hands it to her and sits beside her on the sofa. He’s used to it, even comfortable because he doesn’t have any other feeling towards her other than occasional urges to lay a hand on her, but right now, his mind is completely blank.

He starts the conversation, wanting to get rid of her soon enough to join the others at the Memphis, he waits for her to finish gulping down the water, and says.

“I was busy with the competition these days that I couldn’t find any time…for not calling you…Miannae…” He says, looking away, trying his best to be apologetic.

Hyun-a re-screws the lid of the bottle and keeps it on the floor. “I know…I was just worried if we’re not on anymore…”

He smiles. “What made you think like that…? You know me…”

“I do…” She says and slowly squeezes his hand. “I was so worried if I made you upset…”

He too, squeezes her hand having absolutely no desire to do it. “You never did…I was hoping to call you, but I never found a chance to…”

“My baby must have been really tired…” She says in an almost whisper and leans her head on his arm, and runs a hand across his chest, hanging on to his shoulder with her slim-pale fingers. “I should have called you first…”

He turns and gives her a peck on her forehead. “No it’s alright…my mistake…”

She lets out a slow moan. “You’ve become skinny Won Bin-ah…have you skipped any meals?”

He shakes his head. “no…we have plenty of food here…Our supervisor will kill us if we skip any…”

“Is she really good…?”

He nods, not enjoying it as she runs her hand over his arm. “She’s alright…”

“You like her?”

His heart stops at the question, but quickly covers it up by pulling her closer to him. “No…not as much as I like you…” He lies.

“Really…?”  She asks and moves even closer. “Then show me”

He makes a fake laughter, really wanting to get away. “How?”

She looks at him and smiles. “Nothing much…just kiss me…”

 

 

 

It doesn’t take me long to turn up at the Treasure Island by bus, and since my mind is so full and busy, I don’t get into my usual trance that the ride feels to be shorter than usual. I take a deep breath as I climb off the bus. This is by the time that all of them are at work, and obviously they can’t be wondering where the hell I have vanished to since they’re still with the pathetic silent treatment, so I can find them altogether there, I will apologise them and explain things out before getting Won bin out to talk to him personally…

All before that…I have to get to the Treasure Island first, and see how it is like there before deciding what I really should do.

I walk towards it, not very hurriedly; I can’t find enough strength to do so. The bus halt is not very far from it, so it doesn’t take me much longer to turn up before the rickety door of it. I give a look at the odd looking man who’s standing a few feet away from the door and proceed to open it. I slowly climb down, suddenly feeling odd that it is weirdly silent…maybe they’re worried that I’m not here after all…maybe they’ve all gone searching for me…

I only tip toe down the stairs, hoping to make an entrance, but when I hear voices, I stop on my track, feeling a tight knot building up in my throat.

I hear voices, whispers…whispering of a girl…and Won Bin…

My heart stops dead, my blood runs cold and my head gets heavy, my eyes starts to fill with tears seeing him before my very eyes.

I will die now…my heart has stopped, I can’t breathe anymore…yes…I will die…Right now I will…

 

 

 

He can’t say no to her. After all he has done to her, talking her off from being the supervisor, cutting her off from acting in the show, forgetting all about her…after doing all this, he just can’t say no.

So without even his awareness, he feels himself moving towards her, his right hand wraps around her waist, his left hand cups her face and he slowly closes his eyes, letting the sweet smell of her hair fill his lungs, and he feels her hands on his chest, moving closer and closer until their breath collide, closing the gap of seconds between them.

The sweet flavour of her lips simply overwhelms his blank mind as she returns her kisses matching the force of his, but he’s not satisfied. This is just plain, just what he has experienced million times before. He has had her lips on his hundred million times, and this feels just like an addition to it. It doesn’t change his mind about how it felt like to do the same act on Lee Joone that night, to kiss her inexperienced lips at least for that short period of time, Hyun-a can’t match her not matter what she does to him, it’s still the same. Just plain and the same. He lets it go on…at least he’s getting a chance to get kissed after not doing it for so long. At least it keeps his mind away from thinking where Lee Joone has vanished to. At least it keeps him away from the unbearable sourness of the reality…

When he finally pulls away from her, they’re both completely breathless. She has ruined his shirt by clutching onto it with her bright red nails, and also his hair by running her fingers through it, and to her he has done no harm at all. She sits back and smiles.

“That’s better…”

He lets out a sigh and swallow hard, still not getting rid of her taste on his lips. It surprises him when she suddenly gets up off the sofa.

“What is it Hyun-a?” He asks, trying to sound concerned. She smiles. “Oh Honey! I think I have to go…I have an appointment at six…”

Relief sweeps through him like a wild fire. “Too bad…” He lies, trying to make her feel better. “I thought you were staying long…”

“Oh! Honey! I wish I could!! But I really can’t miss out on this…I’m so sorry sweetie…”

She leans over and gives him a short kiss on the lips. “I have to go…My chauffer must be waiting…I’ll call you tonight…okay?”

“Okay sure no problem” He says, and stands up. “Have a safe ride back then…”

She smiles. “Sure Honey…don’t worry.”

He smiles in response, and watches her leave feeling relief overwhelming him like nothing before. He waits to hear the sound of the door closing, and when it does, he proceeds to leave. He grabs his coat, remembering it for the first time and reaches out to his phone which is left on the sofa, stuffs it into his pocket and makes it up the stairs in quick steps. He’s not letting her go. Not just like that. He will find her, no matter what it will take from him, he will.

In a swift movement, he pushes the door open which Hyun-a has closed tightly as though she sensed it he will soon run away, and soon he finds himself on the road, but he doesn’t get to make it far, because a heavy rain starts to pour, damping him head to toe.

But he doesn’t care. Rain or not, he will go searching for her, he will find her and comfort her, no matter even if he’d have to die in the downpour.

And so he starts to resume his walk down the sidewalk of the wet street.

 

 

 

I have been hurt, many times, there have been many times that I couldn’t bear the pain, but not once in my life I have been hurt the way I’m hurt right now. I’m broken, devastated and completely hopeless and right now, I have no strength, not even to cry. I’m broken, witnessing the one I want, the very man I need right now indulging himself with another girl who’s not me, who will never be me. He will never see me; he has many to look at. And now, I have no one. I have no one to listen to me, no one to hear my tears, no one to comfort me. He’s too far away from me now, he’s not within my reach anymore, I can’t seek for his comfort, I can’t seek for his warmth although he’s who my heart is searching for. He doesn’t want me to interrupt him, and I can’t expect him to give me the warmth that I want right now. I can’t expect him to hold me in his arms and let me shed my tears; he’s already receiving what he needs while I’m grieving for nothing. Now I’m hopeless, left alone to cry out my pain having nobody to listen to me.

I’m walking down the sidewalk, hopelessly with my tears damping my face. I surely do look like a wreck, but then again, I am a wreck. I’m a wrecked fool to think that he ever cared, because he never did. I’m a fool to think that he’d actually listen to me, to think he’d dry my tears, because he never will. I’m nothing to him, just simply nothing.

Worsening my pain, a heavy rain starts to pour down on my head, the cold drops of rain water falls on my face and damps me, but I don’t care. I hate my being, right now I hate myself for being born. If I were never born, I won’t be as devastated as I am now. I won’t be feeling this pain, I won’t be here crying all by myself, I won’t be hopeless before my love, having my heart shredded into thousand million people. But unfortunately I’m born, I’m alive, and I can’t help it. I can’t help feeling the pain, devastation which have now completely overtaken me. I’m hopeless. The more I walk, the more I cry, I lose the strength I have left in me. All my power gradually fades away as I continue to walk through the rain, and as it does, I become powerless, my legs can’t hold up my body which has become heavier by the rain, my insides are empty and cold after skipping meals since the night before, my eyes are blurry and swollen after having them shedding tears for hours. I’m trembling completely, and slowly, gradually, the exhaustion, the hunger and the sorrow overtakes me, and without even my awareness, I begin to fall. Everything goes dark around me, I’m surrounded by the eternal darkness, I hear nothing except for the rain and my own heart beating until I fall deeper and deeper…
Until there’s nothing…nothing at all…

 

 

 

 

Won Bin remembers how his mother used to praise the superb health of him. She used to call it the god’s gift, because no matter how long he’d stay out in the rain, the possibility of him catching a cold is very low, so back when he was a kid, he used to play out in the rain. At times he’d become a pirate, or a hunter or someone on an expedition in a rainforest. He remembers how his mother used to watch him, smiling as he enjoyed all by himself. But all that time has now gone. He’s in a new era of his life. A new era where, instead of fighting the tigers and ferocious beasts of his imagination, he’s fighting for his love.

He walks faster as he could, without really knowing what direction he shall take. His mind is full and busy trying to figure out everywhere that she could be. She might be at school…but no…he didn’t see her giving out the papers this morning, but found it in its usual place under the gate, she has left early. He searched in her house, and found it empty, she’s not at the Memphis either, she’s not with the one she loves…and it’s raining…she can be in the heavy rain…

…and so when his eyes meet the very sight, his heart stops giving him a pain that he has never been in before. Right before his eyes, wet and damped but looking as angelic as ever is her, his beloved Lee Joone, practically lifeless as she leaned against a telephone booth. People do pass by her, but she looks more like an isolated beggar, unknown to the world, silently lying in the rain. For a few short seconds, he can’t figure out what he shall do, but then he rushes towards her, ignoring the severe pain that his heart is giving him. She’s pale, and completely dampened by the heavy downpour. Her eyes are tightly cold, and although her breathing is even, she’s lifeless.

He lowers himself before her, and pushes away the wet strands of hair which are caked against her face, he holds it in his hands and calls her name, but gets no response. His heart stops, he thinks he’d die this very moment seeing her hurt, and without even thinking, he runs his hands around her and pulls her off the ground. This catches the attention of a man nearby. Won Bin is oblivious to his arrival and it surprises him when he calls him.

“Son…do you know her…?”

He looks up, letting her head roll against his chest. “Yes…she’s my girlfriend…”

“She just came here…I was coming to get her just when you did…do you know where she lives?”

Won Bin feels the rain seizing and he looks up to see an umbrella over himself.

“It’s too far from here…but I can take her to where I stay…”

“Where…?” The man asks.

“Just a few steps away…can you help me?”

The man nods. “Sure son…take her on your back…it’s easier…”

He finds himself following her orders and soon the man helps him to take her piggy back.

“That’s better…I’ll hold the umbrella for you…”

Won Bin nods. “Gomowo…ahjussi…”

The three of them slowly walk towards the treasure island through the heavy downpour and soon they find themselves before the old door which he closed only a few minutes ago the man opens it for him and helps him walk down the staircase. When he’s in the hall, the man helps him lay her down on the sofa. The man looks around the place with genuine interest. “Son…is this where you stay…?”

He nods, his eyes only on her.

He hears the man sigh. “Okay then…I will be going…you better take her to a doctor….You need any money..?”

Won Bin shakes his head. “No…thank you ahjussi….”

“Take care of her well…if she’s your girlfriend…”

He nods again, feeling guilty, and soon, he hears footsteps sounding on the staircase. He waits till it disappear, and when it does, he proceeds to her.

He walks to the cupboard and finds the flannel that he used to cover her the other day and begins to dry her wet hair, and when it’s dry enough, he slowly removes her overcoat which is dripping wet and dries her with it before covering her up in the same flannel before stepping back, feeling guiltier than ever. He hasn’t cared for her enough, he hasn’t protected her enough, so how can he ever be satisfied by doing only this little?

It breaks his heart to see her so pale and lifeless, her eyes tightly closed, her lips in a straight line; he has never seen her this way, he hates to have to see her this way. It’s obvious that whatever the problem she has is not anything small, it’s something great, something that she can hardly bear, otherwise she will never suffer the way she’s suffering now. He lets out a long sigh. At least he has found her now, at least she’s within his grasp again…

He has to inform the others that he has found her, so he digs into his wet pocket and finds his phone, and dial Jong Hun’s number. Few seconds later Jong Hun’s voice is heard on the other end.

“Yeh, Won Bin…” He says on the other end, Won Bin holds his eyes on Lee Joone as he speaks.

“Hyung…I found her…” He says urgently, and wait for his reply. He hears him mumbling something to the others and soon he returns to the phone.

“How? When? Where?”

He walks towards her as she flinches a bit and pauses to answer.  “On the sidewalk, she has fainted, I was going in search for her and she was there, lying on the road in the rain, just a few minutes ago…”

The other end is silent for a moment, and then he says. “Oh god…is she sick…? Is she up yet?”

Won Bin shakes his head. “I’m waiting for her to wake up…shall I take her to a doctor?”

“Yeah…you better-,”

But he doesn’t get to hear the rest because he sees her waking up, she flutters her eyes open and looks around, mumbling something to herself. Relief sweeps through him by her gesture as he turns to the phone again.

“Hyung, she’s up…I’ll call you later..”

“Sure-,” Jong Hun’s voice sounds seconds before he stuffed the phone into his pocket, and he rushes towards her.

“Lee Joone…are you alright?” He asks, holding her face in his hands, and that’s when he feels it, she’s burning. His panic rises even more.

“Lee Joone! You’re hot; you’ve caught a fever…”

“Won Bin…” she mutters, and he sees her eyes drooping. He holds his hands against her neck, and he realizes the fever is too much, she needs to be treated.

“Lee Joone…have you eaten?”

She shakes her head. He feels his heart stop pacing. How can he even give her any fever reducers without even having a full stomach?

“Are you nuts? What are you doing skipping your meals?!?” He yells, and she widens her eyes. And she mutters. “Yah what did I do?”

He sighs. “Wait…I’ll fix up something for you…”

With that, he gets up back on his heels and hurries towards the fridge. There he finds a cupped bean sprout soup inside. He grabs the heater from the cupboard and also an aluminium cup, he fills it with water and plugs the heater before dipping it into the aluminium cup.

And until it warms up, he returns to her and find her sitting up. He widens his eyes. Didn’t he just see her lying lifelessly minutes ago?

“Frowny?” She asks in a low voice, he swiftly walks towards her and lays a hand around her neck, she’s still so warm. “Lee Joone you’ve got fever”

She continues to stare at him as though it’s him who’s running nuts, and says. “I have to go…” and proceeds to stand up, but Won Bin’s faster, he catches her hand and pulls her back to the sofa. “You’re not going anywhere.”

She gives him a look. “I have to see oppa, I have to find money, I have to save oppa don’t you know!”

He stares at her, trying to comprehend what she means. “Oppa?” He finally asks. “Is he sick again?”

She takes a deep breath and looks down, and soon he hears her sob.  He hates to hear it, he hates to hear her cry, and he hates to hear her sobbing, and hates to see her tears. Unable to bear the fact that he has made her cry again, he takes a seat next to her on the sofa, ignoring the weird feelings it gives him to sit in it with her for the first time, but she doesn’t seem to mind. She continues to sob.

“Lee Joone…look, crying and skipping your meals will never do any good…do you think the very person who’s left there to help him risk her life, he’d get any better?”

She sobs harder and it breaks his heart. He wants to make her stop, but how could he? This is just what any girl would do when she’s in pain although Lee Joone is not like any other girl for him.

“I tried Won Bin! For hours I did! But I’m no use!! How can I find 50 million wons in a day!!!”

Won Bin blinks. “Lee Joone…calm down and tell me…I’m listening…”

But instead of calming down, she begins to cry harder, warm tears starts to flow down her pale cheeks and she trembles hard, which worries him so badly. He can’t watch her, no not anymore. If she goes on crying, her fever will rise, and since she’s still not full, she might faint once more. So he doesn’t wait, he reaches out and pulls her into his arms, letting her lay her face against his shoulder and lets her cry, but tries his best to calm her down.

“Lee Joone don’t cry…it’s not doing any good…do you hear me…?”

But she doesn’t seem to. She goes on crying harder, her hands tightly around his neck and he feels how warm she is, the fever never seems to go down, and her crying will only make it worse. He lifts his hand and slowly her hair, until she will really calm down.

And soon she pulls away. And lays her head against the sofa, wiping her tears. “Feeling better?”

She nods, looking away, and he nods back. He hears the clicking of the heater, the water’s ready.

“I’ll fix the soup for you”

He returns to the heater, unplugs it and slowly pours it into the plastic cup with the soup seasoning and the dried bean sprouts. As it is directed, he covers the cup with its foil and leaves it for a few seconds, and reopens it, stirs it well and approaches Lee Joone who has now completely gotten rid of her crying. He pulls one of the stools before the sofa, positioning himself only a few inches away from her and looks up to see her staring up at him. He gulps. Why does she have to look so unbearably beautiful even while being sick?

“Here…have some before taking a fever reducer…”

She nods, and reaches her hand towards him, but he sees how hardly it trembles, he shakes his head, fearing she will spill the hot soup all over her.

He sees her watching him as he stirs the soup so gently, and he takes a spoonful and slowly blows on it before moving it towards her. She keeps on looking blank and blinks a few times before slowly parting her lips, and he slips the spoon through, waits for her to swallow and retrieves the spoon. It panics him so badly when she begins to cough, her eyes closed tight, and tears springs out.

“Lee Joone…? Gwenchana?”

She nods and opens her eyes. “Frowny, are you sure you added enough water into it?”

He widenes his eyes. “Why? Is it bad?”

And without even thinking, he also drinks a spoonful, and that’s when it occurs to him, he hasn’t added enough water, it tastes too much of the seasoning. He proceeds to stand up, but Lee Joone reaches out and stops him. “Ani~ Gwenchana~ Won Bin…I like it that way…”

“But-?”

She pulls him by his hand, forcing him to sit. “I said it’s okay…”

He sighs. “Are you sure?”

“Sure, it is…”

He nods and stirs it again before taking another spoonful, he sees her waiting for him, and seeing her lips parting, without even his awareness, his lips parts, and he too, widely opens his mouth. Feeding her reminds him of his childhood, how he used to have the same treatment being given to him by his mother. But now all that time has long gone…now it’s as though he doesn’t even exist anymore…as though he’s not a part of her life…

It surprises him when she burst out laughing as he reaches her with the next spoonful of soup. He pauses in the middle and glares at her. But she continues to go on laughing.
What is she anyway? A real mood shifter just as what she calls him! She was all sick, sad and weary just a moment ago, and now she’s laughing?

“What?”

She stops laughing and looks into his eyes. “Why do you open your mouth frowny?”

“Eh?” He asks, surprised.

“You open your mouth when I do so! That’s so funny!”

He sighs. “Weren’t you sick just now?”

She leans over and have her next spoonful. “I am…”

He stirs the soup once more. “Good, then don’t talk and eat.”

He gives her another spoonful, and he sees drips of the soup dribbling down her chin, he finds his handkerchief from his pocket and starts wiping it off, she sure is a kid…and that only makes him love her even more…

“You know…you will make a good daddy one day…” She says when he backs away from her. He widens his eyes, surprised.

“What makes you say that?”

“My dad used to feed me like that when I was a kid…I get sick very often…”

He raises his eyebrows. “You do…?”

She nods and swallows the next spoonful of soup. “Yeah…and my dad will do the same…”

Won Bin silently stirs as his mind drifts away to his own childhood. He doesn’t remember his father doing anything of the sort. He remembers him making him listen to Beethoven and Mozart, he remembers him showing him out of his room whenever he messes up his music sheets, and more than anything else, he remembers how he fell off his father’s hand and rolled down the staircase, it’s his mother who cried for him that day…but now his father has ruined her, he has taken her under his dark shadow as well, both are now treating him as though he’s not a part of the family…

It’s her laughter which brings him back to earth. He looks at her, his eyes filled with surprise, watching her amazing laughter, and makes a face. “Now what?”

“You did it again frowny! You keep opening your mouth!!”

He purses his lips and looks at her urgently. “Will you stop it and eat?”

She smiles. “Okay daddy…”

He makes a face. He never knew that girls go crazy when they’re badly sick!

He leans over with another spoonful of soup, and she starts it again. “You’re so cute! Frowny! You keep doing it!”

He glares at her. “Just what did I tell you Lee Joone?”

She nods again. “Arasso~My cute daddy…”

He shakes his head. “Lee Joone your fever has gone too far…eat quickly, you need a reducer…”

And the last two spoonful’s, she eats silently, he too, feeds her silently, and when he’s done, he asks.

“Full?”

She nods. “Oh…Gomowo…Won bin…”

He tilts his head to a side and stares at her long. He knows he shouldn’t be doing it when she’s fully up, but how can he help it? In just two days, half of her full face is gone, she’s completely pale, her eyes swollen, her rosy lips are not rosy anymore but chipped and dark…and it seems, she has suffered a lot. He sees her staring back, her eyes wide and surprised, and so he asks, not wanting her to question him just why he did that just now.

“How many meals have you skipped Lee Joone…?”

She bites her lips and lowers her head. He hates to see her doing it, because it only means she doesn’t want to speak, but she has to, no matter if she wants to or not, she has to, otherwise she will never get rid of the pain she’s in.

“Speak  or whatever your problems are, they will remain the same.” He says urgently. She remains to stay the same for a few more seconds, and when he starts to get impatient, she lifts her head and mutters.

“Since lunch…yesterday…”

He sighs. She’s a girl, not just any girl, she’s a girl who devotes all her strength all day long, and there was even a show last night, he knows the lack of work she must have gone through without even having enough strength to do so…

“And what good has it done so far…skipping meals”

She lifts her head. “I saved thousand Wons…that’s not even an ounce of what I need to save…”

He sighs again, and looks at her straight. “What is it…what you said before, I didn’t understand any of it…now tell me clearly, what’s wrong…?”

He sees her letting out a long sigh, he fears it if she’d start crying again, but for his relief, she doesn’t. Instead, she looks into his eyes with her eyes filled with sorrow and fatigue, and speaks.

“Oppa got another cardinal attack…it was a major shot…the doctor says the next attack could even…kill…him…”

With that, she bites her lip hard and looks away. He sees her eyes filling with tears, a strong knot develops in his throat. He knows how much she loves him, and he knows how much it hurts her to know she will lose him…

“There is a way to save him…right…?”

She nods. “He said they will plant a pacemaker in his chest to balance the heart beats…”

“And for that you need money…” he states, comprehending what her real matter is. She says nothing and continues to look down, He sighs. She had all this stuck in her head and never even told him? She knows he will always listen to him no matter what, why can’t she ever trust him? Or else she should have gone to Hong gi, if she ever did, Won Bin would have been satisfied to know there’s someone to protect her and listen to her, but instead of doing any of it, she’d sit back and cry until she collapses on the road in the rain! Does she think it will make everything turn out fine only if she suffers all by herself? Can’t she understand how many people she’s hurting by just doing that?

And by trying to explain it to her, he never thinks of yelling at her, but instead of smooth talk, what come out are his harsh words.

“Just-! Lee Joone what made you to be that way! You should have told us! Not just disappearing in the middle of the night without even letting any of us know! Do you know that you put us through hell by doing that?”

“Won bin…” She mutters, but he goes on, completely ignoring her.

“Do you think you’ve made any improvement by doing all that? Do you know how it really seems to me? Pathetic! Just simply pathetic!”

“But what other option do I have Won Bin? I have to save him! Can’t you see I’m trying!?!”

“Trying? Skipping meals, crying and fainting on the road, staying in the rain until you get sick, is that what you call trying? You should have asked for help! You should have told us! Any of us-!”

“How can I when you all are hating me Won Bin! How can I?”

This simply makes him stop yelling, and guilt takes over him completely as he stares at her tear filled eyes. She has been suffering all by herself because she thought everyone hated her? She didn’t come asking for help because…of the silent treatment that the others were giving her?
And all that…he never knew. He loves her, he thinks she’s his whole world, his everything, he is ready to give anything and everything for her…all that and he never knew that his friends were hurting her all that time…? No…he thought she’s busying her mind with her feelings for Hong Gi…that he never even guessed…
Then that must have been the reason why she broke into tears on the day of the recordings…

“Lee Joone…” He hears his voice mutter. “Nobody hates you…”

She shakes her head. “They do Won Bin, I know they do…”

“No they don’t!” he yells again. “Do you know how worried they are right now? Do you know that, even at this very moment they’re out looking for you?”

She remains silent, letting out occasional sobs as he watches her tear damped face, trying to swallow down the tight knot of guilt in his throat. He has never felt this guilty in his entire life before, and if he can really punish himself for doing this right now, he surely will. This is the first time that he loves someone so sincerely and so dearly, he has never felt these strong, passionate and unbearable feelings for anyone before, and as for someone who hasn’t received enough love, the love he’s ready to give for her is immense, superior…but he’s not doing enough. No matter how badly he tries, he’s not trying enough to protect her, he’s not keeping her happy, he’s only putting her into tears, and he’s only hurting her. He wants to love her, really love her, hold her in his hands and tell her that everything’s going to be alright. He wants to hold her hand and be by her side with whatever she goes through, to face all her troubles, to endure all her pains together, but the time’s being never allows him to. He’s powerless, he’s not strong enough to break through the barriers to reach for her…no…he’s trying hard, he’s giving such a great force, but it’s not good enough to surpass the strength of whatever which are against him.

“Look…Lee Joone…” He says, finally finding his voice. “Nobody hates you…nobody does-,”

“Stop lying Won Bin! I’m sick of hearing too many lies already! I know none of them are true! I know nobody’s trying to help me-!”

“Okay then!” Won Bin raises his voice even without his awareness. “I hate you, we all hate you! Happy? Now just stop this nonsense! You’re sick; crying and yelling will only make it worse…”

He sighs and gets up on his heels. “Now lie down and rest for a bit…”

He ignores her icy glare and lays his hands on her neck, finding her still so warm.

“You need a reducer…hold on…”

He dares not to glance at her as he walks towards the cupboard once more. In case if they’ll need them one day, he keeps a separate box of medicine inside. Won Bin is a person with a great vigilance and concern, he changes the medicine when it’s necessary, and keeps what they might need, inside. He takes the plastic box out and finds a newly kept bottle of fever reducer. He can’t remember the last time when any one of the members got a fever, and since he has changed the medicine a month ago, almost all of it are new. He removes the seal of the plastic bottle and takes to white tablets into his palm, and also he takes the warm water which was heated just a few minutes ago and returns to her. He gulps hard seeing her sitting still, her body covered up to her face. He sighs, still feeling extremely guilty and approaches her.

“Lee Joone…here…”

She lifts her head. “Eh?” She asks, surprised. He sees how red her eyes are, so he keeps the cup aside and feels her skin with the back of his hand, he finds her extremely warm.

“The fever’s really high Lee Joone…take the tablets and sleep, it will wear off soon…”

She shakes her head. He glares at her. “Now what?”

“I hate to take tablets…they always get stuck in my throat…”

He sighs. “But you have to…or the fever will never go off…”

She turns away. He sighs and sits beside her on the sofa. “Here…I’ll help you…”

“Eh?” She looks at him with her eyes widened adorably.

“Open your mouth wider…Aaaahh…” he demonstrates himself, reaching over to hold her face in his hands, and she makes a small laugh. “Won Bin! Stop it!” she complains, but follows him. He gently squeeze her cheeks from the either sides, making her open wider, and slowly slips the tablet into her hand. “Now place it deep in your throat and have a big gulp of water, it will never get stuck”

Surprising him, she takes the cup of water from his hand, and gulps it down with her eyes closed. He waits for her to respond, fearing if it’s still there, but relief sweeps through him as she opens her eyes and smiles. “That worked! It didn’t get stuck!”

He nods. “That’s what I said…now try the second one…”

She nods and places it in . She takes a mouth full of water and closes her eyes, she reopens them, seconds later with the same smie. “Finally…both in…Thank you, Won Bin-ah…I really wish you were my daddy…”

Hearing her calling him daddy really breaks his heart. He has, never in his life, has really called his father daddy. From his very young ages, he remembers only referring to his father as father because he was never allowed to call him that. He has never received any proper love from him, and Lee Joone’s idea of a father…or a daddy, he doesn’t understand it. Is it by the means of someone who will do exactly what he did for her right now? He doesn’t know, because the last time he remembers his father touching him is when he didn’t play the violin right few years ago, and that was to hit him. Afterwards, he never even dared to go near it…

“…And you will make a really cute young daddy one day…” He hears her saying, and without even his awareness, his lips creases into a smile. He wish he will…one day, when he makes a daddy, he will never, ever beat his child, he will never treat him the way that his father treats him, because, more than anything else, he know how painful it is for him…

He quickly retrieves his smile and returns to his frowning position seeing her eyes plastered on his face. Did he just give away anything?

He quickly gets up on his feet, panikced. What if she guesses it? What if she gets to know it that she really is in love with her? He can’t find himself in such a pathetic position.

“Won Bin-ah? O-di-ga?” (Where are you going?) She asks. He shakes his head.

“I have to make a call…be right back…”

“To whom?” she asks. He takes his phone and proceeds towards the staircase. He turns to her. “You made hell of a fiasco, remember? I have to clear things out”

She nods with a smile. “oh…okay…tell them I apologized…”

He nods. “Sure…they’re waiting to hear it”

And with that, he climbs up the staircase until he’s out of the building and dials Jong Hun. The rain has ceased now, but the post rain ambiance is still there. It’s extremely cold and dark outside, people are walking around still in their rain coats, a few passes by him, giving him odd looks, he ignore them and turns around as Jong Hun’s voice sounds on his phone.

“Hyung…” He says, peeking in through the door to make sure she’s not climbing up.

“Is she alright?” Jong Hun asks.

“She’s got a high fever, she’s skipped meals since yesterday, I gave her food and a fever reducer, I think she’d better now…”

Jong hun’s silent for a moment, and asks. “Is there a big issue going on with her? You asked?”

He nods. “It’s her brother…I couldn’t tell you before…he’s kind of sick, she told me that when she left the band before…he’s got the Long QT syndrome, a Cardinal failure, and  he has gotten a major attack last night, I think…and the doctor has told her there’s a risk of him dying if he doesn’t go through a surgery to place a pace maker…and she has gone everywhere collecting money for it…”

There’s silent, and seconds later he says. “Won bin, that’s a huge matter…when is the surgery due?”

Won Bin clears his throat. “Tonight”

“Tonight?” Jong hun practically yells in his ear. “So has she found her money?”

“No…” He says, fearing the answer.

“How much is it?”

“fifty million”

There’s silence. “That much…? Won Bin, she can’t find that much in one night!”

He nods. “I know…she’s devastated now….but maybe she can ask for some time to pay…we have to do something…”

“You have any plans?” he asks. Won Bin nods his head.

“Yeah…I was thinking of a fund raising concert…”

Jong Hun doesn’t answer for a moment, Won Bin awaits, fearing it if he wouldn’t like it, and he soon answers.

“Won Bin, Holding a concert is not easy, we need a venue, money, a date, time, we can’t pull off a concert in just a day or two…”

He nods. “I know…my idea of a concert is not large scale…we’ll hold a small one at the Memphis…”

“But Won Bin we’re not working there..”

He sighs, frustrated, and asks. “You still at the Memphis?”

“Oh” Jong Hun answers.

“Is Hong Gi around?” He asks, after a moment of fighting the answer in his head. He doesn’t want to speak to him, his very name raises his anger, but just, now he can’t help it.

“Yeah, he is..” Jong Hun says.

“Put him through…”

 

 

 

After quite a brief chat with Hong gi, Won Bin returns to the Treasure Island, feeling quit odd after speaking to him who’s supposed to be his biggest rival. But apparently he feels no anger towards him, Hong Gi, he’s actually a man to whom that another can speak to. He spoke to him very well, give him the relevant details clearly and agreeing to whatever he says, and in fact, he feels as though he can let her love him, he’s a man whom he can trust to protect her.

Soon he finds himself down in the hall, his eyes swiftly moves to her direction, and he lets out a sigh, seeing her still up, sitting upright and looking blank as ever.

“Didn’t I ask you to rest Lee Joone?” He asks, moving towards her. He lays his hand against her neck, feeling the temperature and realises that the fever is halfway gone. He’s relieved that he has somewhat succeeded.

“The fever’s almost gone, why don’t you take a good nap? You have bothered me enough already”

She doesn’t answer but continues to watch him which makes him quit uncomfortable, he moves away, unable to figure out her doing. He’s about to take a seat on his usual stool at his position when she asks,

“You really do hate me right?”

He gulps hard, pausing on moving towards his guitar. Why does she bring up something of the sort now?
And how can he say it again?

“Yeah, sure” He answers shortly and takes the guitar onto his lap.

She’s silent for a moment that he glances at her, what he sees is her playing with her hair. He intakes a long breath. How can he not fall for her? She’s just too pretty for him to handle!
He returns to his guitar.

“Then why are you doing all this? Helping me out?”

His heart stops at the question. How can he answer her? He knows what exactly the answer that his heart keeps telling him. The exact voice which told him to love her that day whispers in his ears.

Because I love you, Because you’re everything in my life now….because I can’t stand the pain in my heart…I can’t help it…I just love you too much…

But he can’t let her know. She doesn’t love him. After speaking to Hong gi on the phone, all his feelings of having any possibility to have her made his one day gradually went away. Hong gi knows a lot about her, a lot more than he knows, and it’s him who she loves, he will never let her know how he feels and disturb their love. So instead of telling her the truth, he sticks to the lie that he feels she apparently believes.

He looks away, unable to catch her glance, and answers.

“Because I can’t do any of it for her…”

There’s an unbearable silence between them as Won Bin remains for her to answer, and when she does, it breaks his heart like never before.

“But…wasn’t it her? Before…? I saw you…”

She has seen it…? She has seen him with Hyun-a?

“Who? When?” He asks, genuinely panicked.

“Today…I was coming to see…the pirates…and when I came in…I didn’t want to disturb you…so I left…”

“Today?” He asks her, shocked and surprised. “Then you came around…just before you fainted on the road…”

He feels guilt burning every cell in his body, coming up to surface until it melts his skin. He has been in there, all along, waiting for that one girl he’s lying to himself with, kissing her, comforting her while the real one who actually deserves it all, or more was crying on the road, in the rain, and he never even cared to look for her! He should have known that she will come for them after all. He should have known that they’re who that she will finally turn to…but instead of trying to figure anything out, he spent all that time with Hyun-a, indulging her in every way she wants. If he ones looked around, he’d have seen her, he’d have found her before she ended up fainting in the rain. If he loves her that so much, why couldn’t he do that one little sacrifice for her?

“So…you did it…? You told her…?” She asks again. He shakes his head, but doesn’t know how he should answer. I left her under the rain, I let her suffer all alone…and I didn’t know because I was busy with one hell of a …

“No, it wasn’t her…” He answers at last, still looking away, not daring to look into her eyes, fearing if his guilt will give anything away.

“Then who…?”

“Hyun-a…It was Hyun-a…” He answers, wanting to drown himself for doing it.

“Hyun-a?” She asks, sounding surprised. “I thought you don’t like her…”

He stares down at his feet. “I don’t…but she doesn’t know…we both don’t like each other…it’s a complicated relationship…”

“Oh…” She mutters, and remains silent. He gives her a quick glance to see her deep in her thoughts. He bites his lower lip. He can’t help himself now, he has become attached to her so badly without even his awareness.

“So why don’t you tell her soon?” She asks after a while. It confuses him.

“Who?” He asks.

“The girl you like…tell her soon…then you can get rid of Hyun-a…it’s not like you’re to get married soon although you’re arranged…”

He shakes his head. But can’t she realize who she referring to is Lee Joone herself?

“Can’t…I hate to get into any troubles with my parents…and hers…”

“Then the two of you elope…you know, like in those dramas…”

He makes a small laugh, imagining himself running away with her, it will be so cheesy and pathetic!

“Lee Joone, I like her, but I don’t want to elope, not even if I had to die….”

She snorts. “You’re a real Pabo you know frowny! You’re not even fighting for your love!”

He shakes his head. She’s truly touching his heart in her own way, and he loves it, he loves it so much that he earns for more.

“I am…only that she can’t see…” he mutters, staring at a blank space, not believing the very fact that he’s saying all about his feelings to the very girl who he has it all for without even her awareness.

“You have to try harder frowny! Take her out on a fabulous date, and confess!”

He smiles to himself, oh how surprised will she be if she ever gets to know that she’s suggesting plans to herself! But she will never know, he can’t interrupt hers and Hong Gi’s innocent love…

“I wish I could…” He says, and looks straight into her glittering big brown eyes. “But I can’t…she’s already taken, she’s happy with her love…I can’t interrupt them…”

She shakes her head. “You’re a real Pabo, Won Bin…a real Pabo…”

He purses his lips, avoiding a smile. “I know…a real Pabo to love her…”

(*pabo=stupid/idiot)

For the next few minutes, they both remain silent, and although he hates to have such silence among themselves, he’s suddenly feeling glad to have it, rather than discussing pointless topics of loving someone who is apparently her although she has no idea. She’s the real Pabo over here…he thinks to himself as he plays a slow tune over and over again. She doesn’t even get it that he’s actually referring to her, and goes on giving suggestions which truly sounds simply useless.

Minute’s passes by with complete silence between them, the silence is so superior that it nearly makes him hop out of his skin when her phone starts to ring. She hops around all over the place searching for the phone, which Won Bin watches, shocked. And she finds it in her bag. She falls back into the sofa and widens her eyes, seeing the number on the phone before she answers,

“Hello…Doctor Kim…”

He watches her reactions as her face grows harder and her tone gets urgent.

“Yes….yes…I’ll be coming then…Yes, I’ll be there soon…”

“Thank you doctor…” She says at last and looks up at him.

“Was it your brother’s doctor?” he asks. She nods. “They’re about to start the surgery…I have to be there…”

Won Bin nods and swiftly gets up on his heels, but sees her not moving.

“O-di-ga?” She asks, looking surprised.

He gestures her to come. “Let’s go…We’ll get the Jeep and go to the hospital together”

She widens her eyes with surprise. “Eh?”

He reaches out and grabs her hand, pulling her up on her heels. “You heard me, let’s go”

“But Won Bin-ah-,”

He pretends to not to hear her as he leads her out of the Treasure Island, a slight smile on his lips as he does so. She might not understand it, she might be short of really comprehending it, but it’s her….although she will never see him, even though she will never understand that it’s who he’s trying to reach out for, he won’t care, because now he has gone too far in loving her, until he can’t let her go, not even for once, Until he can’t keep her out of his sight even for once, and he just can’t help it…he loves her just too much…

 

 

 

It doesn’t take long for us to walk to his place, from where we get his jeep and drive to the hospital in silence. I’m too horrified that I don’t think I will be able to utter another word for the next few hours, its his surgery, a surgery…one of the many things which horrifies me enough to kill me…

But now I’m far from being in the state of being horrified, because although he’s doing all this for me thinking its her, I’m feeling safe and secured to have Won Bin with me to keep me company. I’d have died here of anxiety if I were all by myself.

We soon arrive at the car park, and I find myself trying my best to not to let myself fall apart just by thinking of oppa’s surgery. It’s too horrifying, too horrifying for me to handle…

“Nervous?” Won Bin asks as I take long breaths, keeping my eyes closed. I nod in response.

“Don’t be…”

I nod again and open my eyes, I almost gasp seeing him still wearing the belt across his chest.

“Are you going?” I ask, panicking.

He looks at me. “I can, If you want me to…”

I shake my head. “Please stay, I’m scared…”

He nods and looks at me. “Okay then…let’s go…”

And soon we find ourselves down in the wet car park, walking silently. I  fold my hands across my chest, trying to warm myself as much as I can. It’s around seven or eight in the night, I don’t know, and the ambiance is extremely cold due to the previous downpour, and since I’m running zero degrees under my skin, I can hardly bear it. My cloths are still wet, my coat is gone although I don’t remember taking it off, and also since I’m just after having a fever, I’m practically trembling. I hug myself harder as I try hard to walk straight, and that’s when he does it; Won Bin puts his coat over me. I freeze, feeling and enjoying the warmth I’m receiving. I know all this warmth is not meant for me, but right now, I can’t help it, I’m earning for more.

And it also surprises me to see that he has remembered to bring his school blazer, he normally throws it somewhere in the Treasure Island and takes it home the next day after I find it possibly in a corner of the hall or under a stool.

“You brought your Blazer along?” I ask. He nods. “I kind if guessed you would need it.”

I smile, really wishing I’m her…if I were her…all he’s doing just now will be meant for me…

“Still cold?” He asks. I shake my head. “Ani~ Gomowo…Won Bin…”

I look down at my feet and sigh. I really wish he will get her one day. If he’s doing all this for this stupid ole me with so much of affection, I can imagine how much he must love her…

When we enter the Hospital together, the anxiety hits me again. The atmosphere in the hospital scares me; it brings many bad memories into my mind, mostly the last time when I came here for another surgery of someone…

“Where to?” Won Bin asks.

“This way…I know the ward..” I say, and lead him to the lift. As soon as arrive before it, a pack of nurses arrives in a hurry with a patient on a trolley. I quickly step away. The sight horrifies me, and a vision of my mother being carried in one flows into my mind. I can’t take it…the memory’s too painfull…

Without even my awareness, me hand wraps around Won Bin’s hand and cuddle myself against him. It scares me, remembering the fact that this was exactly how I saw her last before she left this world…

“Hey…Lee Joone, Gwenchana~?” He asks. I shake my head, still hiding my face. “I’m scared…Won bin…let’s take the stairs instead…”

He nods and takes my hand, leading me towards the stairs, and soon I find myself walking up the dark staircase, in silence. I tighten my grip on him, wishing he’s really holding it, he’s really meaning it for me…

he stops in the middle and turns to me. “Which floor?”

“Six…”

He nods and looks up at the painted number on the wall which says four.

“Two more to go…”

We continue to climb, and when we’re in the right floor, he leads me to the door and soon find ourselves in the busy corridor. I lead him towards the theatre and find doctor Kim walking towards it. As soon as he sees me he greets me warmly.

“We took him in already, we will start in more fifteen minutes….but don’t worry my dear…everything will be fine…”

 I smile, feeling my heart beating rapidly in my chest. The last time when I came here for my mother’s surgery, the promise I was given was not kept…

 

“I will wait, Doctor…Thank you…”

 

He nods, and with a smile, he hurries in through the theatre doors with another three nurses. I sigh and look up at Won Bin.

 

“I will have to wait…it will take long, you can go…thank you for coming with me…”

 

Surprising me, he shakes his head. “No…I’ll stay…I don’t want to go home anyway…”

 

I look at him, my heart in fire. He’s still wishing if I were her…and he’s doing all this for me…
I have all the reasons to love him, but he’s still  so far from me…

 

“But Won Bin-ah…it’s going to be a long stay…” I say and look down at my feet. “Plus I’ve been bothering you a lot today…”

 

He gives a cold glare. “You heard me, I’ll stay”

 

I purse my lips. Is he trying too much?

 

“Okay…” I say with a sigh. “But don’t complain…”

 

He shakes his head. “I won’t”

 

After a while, we both find ourselves sitting in waiting chairs, saying no word but watching the people going by. I’m still feeling really anxious, and the nurse and doctors who are hurrying off before me are pretty much making it worse. I always hated Hospitals and waiting chairs, because all of it holds only bad memories. Being reminded of it all makes me cold underneath, and no matter how much I cuddle into Won Bin’s sweet scented blazer, it doesn’t seem to go away. It has been two years since it all happened, but the memories of it has kept a great, unbearable wound in my heart that never seems to go away. Seeing blood, wounds, being in hospitals, waiting while surgeries, seeing the rain…the spring…all of them became my utter fears after the incident which turned my whole life upside down, the incident which transformed me into a completely helpless, unloved girl, left aside in this cruel world where people never think how much the poor suffer…
If they ever knew that my mother was feeding many mouths while bringing up a sick child,

If they ever knew she’s someone who’s in need while also being needed by many others…

But it will never be that way…this is a cruel world, a cruel world where the poor will be poor forever, where those who suffer will suffer the same…and nothing will change…

 

“Lee Joone…” I hear Won Bin say after a while. I turn to him.

 

“Nae?” I ask. “Now don’t complain-,” I start to say but he interrupts.

 

“Mind if I ask you something…?”

 

I completely turn to him, quit surprised. What is it that he wants to know?

 

“Ani…Ask me….” I say.

 

He looks down at his feet, I gulp hard as his hair falls on his face and turn away as he looks up.

 

“Lee Joone, back then…when we were near the lift…was it the patient in the trolley which scared you…?”

 

I swallow hard, and memories of that night rushes into my mind as I focus my eyes on the marble tile below, and I nod.

 

“May I ask why…? Is it okay?”

 

I nod again and lift my head. I know I can tell him anything, and I know that he will always listen, even though he’s wishing if it wasn’t me but her…

 

“It’s…my mum…” I hear myself saying in a small voice. He moves closer.

 

“Your…mum?”

 

I nod, and look at him to see his gorgeous brown eyes filled with concern. “Two years ago…I saw my mum being taken in a trolley…just like that...”

 

“What happened to her?” He asks.

 

“She got…run over by a lorry…she was on the way to pick me up from the market where we worked…she had to take oppa for treatments that day, so she left me there so I can work until she comes, and because she was getting late…it was by the time to close the shops, so I closed it, and told her to go home and that I will go by bus….it was raining so hard, so she asked me to wait for her in the bus stand…and I did…I saw her coming from a distance, she had a scooter…she was riding it, and when she saw me, she turned the scooter twards my direction…and we didn’t see it…a lorry…and…”

I closed my eyes and intake a few long breaths. I hate being reminded of it, and now that it occurs to me…it has been all my fault…I shouldn’t have even been there that night…

 

“I’m…really sorry to hear that Lee Joone…” Won Bin mutters after a while. I turn to him.

“I hate the memory…Won Bin…and I hate everything that has to do with it…even myself…After my dad died, it was her who did everything in the family…she went through a lot…and I didn’t even get a chance to serve her back for all of it…she left me…”

For a moment, there’s silence between us as I do all I could do forget it, and when I’m feeling better, I sit back and sigh hard before turning to him.

“How about your mum? She must be really caring…You seem to be brought up so well…”

He shakes his head. “My mum…she…used to love me, but now…she’s more like my dad now…they both love to make my life miserable…”

I give him a little push. “Don’t say that! They’re not! Trust me!”

He gives me a look. “How do you know? They are…”

I look directly into his eyes. “Would you like to talk about it?”

“There’s nothing much to say…” He says. I glare at him. “Don’t be modest…”

He sighs. “You’re really annoying, you know that?”

I nod. “Ara~ (I know) Na e ge mal hae jwo…(Tell me)”

He purses his lips. Hesitantly, and says. “My dad wants me to learn his kind of music…he’d been killing me trying to teach me ever sice I was born…My mum…she was treating me well when I was young…but now, she’s just like dad…they just don’t understand…”

“Why don’t you like his kind of music?” I ask.

He’s silent for a minute, and says at last. “It’s him who did it…he made me hate the violin…and almost all the classical music instruments…”

I look at how he keep on squeezing his hand with the other, and ask. “Wae…? Is he that bad?”

He nods. I sigh. Being a son of a celebrity must be really hard. He then turns to me.

“Tell me…before you met me…did you know that…well, Oh ji Won had a son?”

I stare at him long, and answer. “Grandma…said that he did…she has seen you once…with your mum a long time ago…”

He nods and lowers his head. I really do feel sorry for him. He’s perfect, in every way he is…but one…

“Why…did you ask such a question…?”

He continues to hang his head, and mutters loud enough for me to hear. “He…doesn’t like to say…that he does…He says I’m a disgrace…”

I widen my eyes. Disgrace? How can a father ever say such a thing to his son?

I reach out and take his hand. “Why does he say that…?”

He looks up at me. “Because I never can play classical music, I’m not following his path…I can’t be like him…noona is, she’s a professor in classical music, but I…he says if the son can’t be like his father…he’s a disgrace to the family…so he never lets anyone know anything about me…”

I give him a look. “But…people know…They know your house, they have seen you going in and out hundred times-,”

“But many don’t know who lives in there…”

I narrow my eyes. “But I do!”

He glares at me. “Aren’t you the paper girl? You’re supposed to know.”

I nod and look away, cursing my own stupidity. “Yeah…right…”

“So that’s why you asked me to not to tell anyone?”

He nods. “And also because I don’t want to be known as his son…”

I nod. “But don’t you like, attend any social events? Parties and all? They’re mostly shown on TV…”

“I never attend any…I hate to, and I know he must be relieved…I couldn’t even attend noona’s engagement party…”

I widen my eyes. “Oh! Won Bin that’s-!”

He nods. “Ara~But can’t help it…”

I shrug and look down at my hand which is now entangled with his. He’s in pain although he hardly ever shows it, and this is what he needs; someone to hold his hand. I wish, I just wish if I can be her…but no…the ‘she’ that Won Bin expects comfort from is apparently not me…

“Won Bin…” I say in a low voice. “I’m….really sorry to hear that…”

He shakes his hand and looks up. “It’s alright now….now that I’m eighteen, I will soon be eligible to live alone…and when I am…I will move out, and live as though they never exist…”

I look at him. “But Won Bin…I’m sure they don’t want that…Parents love their kids no matter what, you know that?”

He shakes his head. “Mine don’t…they love money and fame more than they love me…”

I squeeze his hands. “No…I think they will show it to you one day…it’s only that you don’t understand…”

He nods and purses his lips. “Lets hope…”

For the next few minutes, we remain silent, and it occurs to me, I’m still holding hands with him…and it actually feels good…I wish it can be for long…I wish it can be forever….I wish it is meant for me…
I feel him slowly running his thumb up and down on the skin on my hand as he stares ahed, deep in his thoughts. Without even my awareness, my eyes move upwards towards his face, and my heart stops. It’s crazy, it’s madness if the girl he likes can’t see him, because Won Bin, no matter how or where he is, anyone will see him, anyone will notice him, because his beauty can’t be compared with any other…he’s just perfect, downright perfect, it’s crazy of a girl to not to see him…and seeing him up close, it makes me want to touch him…makes me want to feel his lips on mine…

I shake my head. No….it’s not meant for me…I shall not interrupt his love…

“How about your dad…Lee Joone”

He asks, it quit surprises me since I wasn’t in this world, I turn to him.

“He died…six years ago…”

He rubs my hand with his thumb even more. “I’m sorry to hear that…How did it happen…?”

I sigh. “He got sick…and we couldn’t find enough money to cure him…”

There’s silence, and after a moment, he says. “You have suffered a lot haven’t you?”

I shake my head. “That’s not suffering…its fate…destiny…It’s my destiny to be born poor…and so I have to suffer…”

For the next few minutes, we remain in silence. I’m sure he’s trying to understand what I meant, although he has been given many punishments in his life, he’s a child brought up with care, anyone can see it just by looking at him. He’s healthily grown and every single feature of him shows it that he’s a child from rich house hold whereas anyone can guess, just by looking at me, that I’m a poor suburb girl…a girl who shouldn’t be sitting here…holding hands with this ever perfect angel….

“Excuse me…students?” We both lift our heads at the sound of a smooth female voice, and see a nurse smiling before us.

“Are you two waiting for someone?”

Won Bin nods. “We have a patient going through surgery…”

“Will it take time…?” she asks.

“Yes…it began only a few minutes ago…” I answer.

The nurse smiles. “Good…then…can you two be good kids and do me a favour?”

We look at each other, surprised, and turn to her. “What is it? Ahjumma?” I ask.

She smiles. “You see…I’m the nurse of the child care centre of the hospital…my supporting nurse is not here…and I have to go out for an emergency…I couldn’t find anyone who is willing to look after the little ones…can you help me? I won’t take long…”

I look at Won Bin who looks blank as ever looking back at me, waiting for me to answer. But I have done this many times before. I have looked after kids many times…and since we’re staying here for a bit longer…It won’t do us any harm…

I turn to the nurse and smile. “We can help you Ahjumma…we’d love to…”

She smiles. “Lovely! Thank you so much my dear…you’re fine with kids right?”

I nod. “I have done it before…”

“That’s even better…I can trust you on this…”

I nod with a smile. “Yes, Ahjumma…we’ll do fine…”

“Then…The child care centre is in the right corner, over there…” She points out at the corner of the corridor. “You can see the board…just walk in…there are only three kids …babies of three doctors working tonight…they won’t be hard…”

I bow. “Arasso Ahjumma…gomowo…”

“Thank you too…” She says, and I sigh heavily watching her as she hurried away. And turn to Won Bin. I step back, surprised by the look he’s giving me.

“What?” I ask. He makes a face. “You…have looked after kids…before?”

I nod, surprised. “Of course! I’ve worked as a nanny before”

He looks away, muttering something to himself. I turn to him. “What did you say?”

He shakes his head. “No, nothing…let’s go”

And soon we arrive before the door of the child care centre, and I see Won Bin making faces at the childish on the glass panels of the room There are cute animals and various childish cut outs stuck on it in light, but yet pretty colours. I sigh….a child’s mind is so light and colourful, whereas ours are dark and complicated.

“So childish…” Won Bin comments, his eyes running over the decorations. I give him a look. “This is the child care centre…what do you expect?”

It’s me who finally enter the room, I plaster my biggest smile on my face as I do, that’s what they all say…I have to smile a lot to gain attention from any kid…

I let the sweet baby odour fill my lungs, I’ve always loved it. The sweetness of it calms down my mind like nothing before…

As soon as I enter I keep the door open to let Won Bin in, he comes in, frowning as usual. I nudge and whisper. “At least smile now okay?  We don’t want to horrify the kids, do we?”

With that, I turn to the little ones who are busy engaged in there own work. There are three little toddlers, okay, not exactly toddlers…all are about three to four years old, there are two boys and an adorable little girl busy playing with a doll. I sigh and clap my hands, the three kids turn to me.

“Anneyong Hassaeyo” I greet with a smile and bow. “I’m Lee Joone! I’m here to look after you until your teacher comes-!”

“Teacher?” Whispers Won Bin. “I thought she’s a nurse!”

I glare at him. “For the kids, she’s a teacher.” I turn back to the kids. “Okay….so now…be good kids okay? If you need anything, tell me or this…” I look at him, trying to figure what I should call him. “…This oppa…here, okay?”

The kids look blankly at each of us and turn back to their work. I sigh. “That’s pretty much it…”

“That seems quite easy…” Won Bin says and sits down on the floor. I smile. Now that I’m seeing him like this, he also seems like one of the kids…

I look up, surprised when one of the kids starts to cry, it’s the little girl.

“Wae? Do you want anything?” I ask, kneeling down next to her. She goes on crying. I sigh hard and slowly run my hand over her hair, trying to calm her down. “Tell unnie…what makes you cry…”

She goes on sobbing and holds out her dolly. That’s when I see it, she has broken its hand. I smile and take it to my hand. “Here…let me fix it…” She nods, and watches me. I do every trick to fix it, but no matter how I try, I keep on failing. I sigh, and turn to Won Bin who’s busy reading a kids book, still sitting on the floor. “I’ll ask oppa to fix it…” I mutter and call out. “Yah! Won Bin oppa!”

He looks up, looking as though I just called him with a swear word. “What?”

I smile. “This little girl here broke her dolly’s hand….can you fix it for her?”

He sighs and gives me a look before approaching me. “Let me see…”

I sit back and wait, running my hand over her head, watching him fixing the dolly more smoothly than I did, it doesn’t take him long to fix it, and when he’s done, instead of giving it to me, he hands it over to the girl, and smiles.

I swear, I swear that my heart stops beating whenever I see him smile, because not in my life, I have ever seen anything more beautiful, and it gives a severe pain inside me all the same, to know that this smile, it’s never meant for me. He’d smile, only once in a while he will…he’d stop my heart, he’d melt me underneath, but he will never, ever mean it for me…

“That’s better…” I hear myself saying, but my eyes are still on him. “Thank you oppa…”

He gives me a look, and walks away. I sigh. I wish he can see me, I wish I can make him be mine…but he’s just so far for me…

“Unnie?” Says the girl. “Play with me”

I nod and rip my eyes off him. I can’t tempt myself now….I should be happy with what I have already…

It’s always a pleasure to play with young ones for me, they help me keep my mind off many things, and even now, making imaginary tea with the little girl helps me a lot to keep my mind away from the beautiful angel who’s only a few feet away from me…

“What’s your name?” I ask, watching her feeding her dolly.

“Ji young…” She answers.

“That’s a really pretty name…Ji young…”

She says nothing and carries on with her dolly. I stay by her side, watching nothing but her, indulging myself. And it’s a few minutes later that one of the boys starts it. I quickly move to him. “What is it honey?”

The boy points at the other. “He took my helicopter!” He hops towards him and starts beating him up. “Mine mine MINE!!!”

Oh god! They are NOT fighting!!!

I quickly move towards them and catch one of them  from the back and hold him against mme, but he starts hoping up and down like a wild animal-

God! This is SO not happening to me…

“Give me back!! Mine MINE!!!”

I pull him back and mutter. “Stop it kids! Stop it!!”

I’m seriously not doing any good…

I turn to Won Bin who is now staring at us as though he’s watching the third world war in the process.

“Just help me out will you?” I yell over the kids yelling and screaming. He sighs and walks over to us. As he approaches, the two kids stops crying and looks up at him, horrified.

No wonder…he’s frowning now as ever.

Having the kids scared out of their skins, it’s easy for him to take the helicopter from the other kids hand and keeps it in the hand of the kid I’m holding. The kid looks at him, horrified, and there’s silence, as though we’re in a truce post-war.

And everything happens in a flash, like in a movie.

The other kid suddenly lifts his hand, the radio controller of the helicopter in his hands and before evn I could figure out what’s happening, the helicopter flies out off the kids hand and starts filying around the place. He starts crying as though it is the applocalypse while the other runs around with it. The crying kid follows the same and runs after him. And the next thing I know is, I’m doing the same like a pathetic kindergarten kid, trying to get hold of one of them, but they’re too wild for me to handle.

The loud crying and running makes the little girl cry, I see Won bin approaching her and trying to calm her down, and in the child care centre, it’s a complete war. This is crazy, this is madness-

And the toy helicopter flies by my face, no it flies into my face, and hits me in the eye. I feel like my eye ball is about to pop out! I cover it with my hand and moan, one of the kids runs into me at the very moment when I step back, I trip over one of the toys on the floor, and fall backwards, screaming like a mad woman. I see Won Bin approaching me in a swift movement, and before even I could actually recall what is happening, he also trips over a toy, stepping on many as he does, nearly killing one of the running kids, and ends up falling on top of me.

For a moment, we are frozen to the stop, shocked and unbelieving what is actually happening. My heart starts beating so hard, so wildly, ceaselessly, and for a moment I think I will die. Yes I will. Having the heaven just too close for me, there’s no wonder, there’s no doubt for it, I will die. I feel my skin going numb on everywhere his skin touches mine. I can feel his breath colliding with mine, our eyes bears into each other and I’m lost. I’m lost in a heaven from where I can never get out. I can feel both our hearts beating along with each others according to the same rhythm, making the same slow music…

My breathing malfunctions, and right now all I see is him, all I feel is him, and all I hear is him…the memories from the days before flows into my mind, and the voice in my heart tells me. ‘Haven’t you known its him? It’s Won Bin whom you love, Lee Joone…It’s Won Bin…’

I stare into his big brown eyes which are full of surprise and wonder. By his very look, he’s killing me, and his touch on me tingles all over me. I have goosebumps grown all over my skin, the warmth of him is neutralizing the coldness which has practically overtaken me, and he makes it worse. He makes I worse by pushing away the strands of hair off my face. His very touch electrocutes me underneath, and I see him, he’s moving closer to me.

He’s so close, so close that I can almost hear his soft breathing, the warmth of it tingles on my skin. I can feel him…I want to feel him….I want to feel his lips on mine, once more, I want him to steal that blissful kiss from me… I want him to overtake me by only that simple touch…

He moves closer and closer, our eyes crossing, and when I feel he’s close enough, when I’m only seconds away from receiving his wishful kiss, I close my eyes. I’m anticipating it; I’m anticipating the sweet, overwhelming sensation on me…

…but it never comes…no…although I’m waiting for it, although I’m secretly earning for it…no…it never does…

Instead, he whispers to me. “Are you alright?”

I sigh deeply, feeling disappointed and open my eyes. “Yeah…I am…” I whisper back. His hand again, moves across my face and he widens my right eye gently with his thumb and fore finger, I try my best to ignore my shattering heart as he leans even closer and slowly blows into my eye. I can feel the sweet breath of his cooling down the burning sensation in my eye, gradually making it go away. But I can swear, I can swear it that he will never ever heal the wound that he just left me in my heart…he will never love me, he never will, but pretend I’m her.

I remain the same until he blows on my eye so gently, and without even my awareness, my eyes move downwards, and all I can see is his throat and his neck. I admire the beautiful, angel like aspects of him, I see how he moves the more he blows on er, and I gulp hard. I’m a woman…a woman with normal feminine instincts like any other…and now, seeing the sight before, me, I can’t take it…I have to make him stop. Although I’m enjoying it, I have to move him away from me…

He slowly backs away, making relief sweep through me, and whispers. “Gwnechana?”

 

I stare at him, wondering what to say, and without even thinking, I do the biggest mistake of my life.

“Won bin…I wish…Just now…if you were Hong Gi… I’d be fine…”

I know I did the biggest mistake of my life right now, but I know what I just said to him is the truth. If it was Hong Gi, I will not feel the pain that I’m feeling right now, I won’t be wishing if I can die right on this spot, I won’t be grieving underneath, knowing that I’m loving someone who can’t love me back, I’m anticipating everything from him that I don’t deserve, and I won’t be wishing if I were somebody else, but I’d be loving him because I know I can love Hong Gi, he will always love me back, but I can’t love Won Bin…because he never will never love me back.

I feel the warmth of him moving away from me, and sooner than I expect, he’s again far from me. After being so close to me, after being so tangibly close to me…he’s again too far from me…he’s only a shining star which I can never get hold of…

I sigh hard and straighten up from the wall I was leaning on just a minute ago, disappointment over taking me. He has been just so close to me…oh how I couldn’t make him be mine…how unlucky of a girl I am…

I shake my head. No lee Joone…this is not the moment…don’t tempt yourself, be happy of what you have already…

I get up on my feet and search for the two kids, remembering that I collapsed, leaving the third world war under process, but now that I’m seeing the place again, I’m surprised, everyone have cooled down. It’s like magic…

I see who has apparently done it…Won Bin, he’s now playing with the two boys as though he’s a four year old kid himself. I sigh hard and smile. At least he will get what he wants, and I should help him…I should help him win his love, and when he’s happy, I will be too…

I walk towards the little girl and sit beside her with a smile.

“Hey…unnie’s sorry that she did that…gwnchana?” I ask, concerned. The girl nods. “Gwenchana…” Then she looks up at me. “Oppa told me to not to cry…he says it makes me look ugly”

I widen my eyes. “He did?” I turn and look at him to see him playing with a toy car with one of the boys. I turn back to the girl. “No it doesn’t…and you’re so pretty…you won’t become ugly…”

She gives me a look. “But oppa said you look ugly because you cry a lot…I don’t want to be ugly like you…”

I make a face. Gosh! Won Bin! He really knows how to make girls feel bad. I sigh and look at the girl. “Fine then…don’t cry…then you can be pretty, not ugly like me…”

For the next few minutes, we go on playing with the kids, and a moment later, Won Bin calls me.

“Noona!” He says, making me jump. “This kid wants to pee”

I make him a face. “You’re a guy! I’m a girl! You do it!”

He sighs. And turns to the kid. “Go to noona, she will take you…”

And the kid comes running over to me. Oh for heavens sake!

I glare at Won Bin as I usher the kid to the wash room. I have taken care of little boys before, I have changed their nappies even so I’m alright with handling them so I help the little kid out, and we both walk out together, me holding his hand. As soon as I’m in the room, I see the nurse walking in. Relief sweeps through me like a splash of cold water.

“Hello!” She greets warmly as she walks in. “So how are my little ones?”

I smile widely as I walk in, still holding the kids hand. “They are doing just so well…ahjumma!”

She smiles back. “I see…You had a good time kids?”

They make no response but go on doing their work. The nurse looks at us as Won Bin approaches and stands beside me. I let go of the kids hand. “You have done a good job! The last time I left them with someone else, it was a disaster! But you two have done really well!”

I smile shily. “That was our pleasure…ahjumma…”

“And you two make such a cute couple! You will make fabulous parents one day…”

I smile shily, but the thought makes me melt inside. there’s absolutely no point of trying to change her mind if she’s convinced already…it’s not like anything will ever change between us…

We both give her a pleasant good bye and proceed to leave. It’s the little girl who stops us. She calls out to Won Bin.

“Oppa!” She says. Won bin walks towards her and kneels down before her. I stand back and wait, watching him smiling at her like an angel. The girl gives him something and mutters something into ear. He responds her with a brief laughter and takes what she’s giving him. He squeezes her cheek and gets up on his feet. He bows at the nurse before approaching me.

“What did she give you?” I ask as soon as we’re back in the corridor. He unclenches his fist, revealing a gorgeous little hair pin. I laugh.

“She gave you that?”

He nods. “She asked me to give you this and told me to tell you to wear it because you’re…ugly”

I raise my eyebrows. “And who convinced her of that pathetic remark?”

He makes a face. “I had nothing else in my mind to make her stop crying…”

I nod. “Then I’ll take this..” I take it from his hand. “…And put it on” I clip it on my lose hair and drop my hands. “There…happy?”

He shakes his head. “Still the same”

 

The surgery of implantation of the pacemaker takes up to around one an half hours, and after spending around an hour at the child care centre, it doesn’t leave us long. For the next half an hour, we both are engaged in our own work, him on his phone, and me…well, staring at empty places, staring at Won Bin, or at people passing by…or again at Won Bin…
It’s around ten minutes later that I hear a familiar music being played, this surprises me, I start looking around, panicked if it’s me who’s running mad, but it turns out that it’s coming from Won bin’s phone.

“Hyung” He answers, and I assume it’s Jong Hun. He glances at me, I quickly turn away, embarrassed. He just ignores me and continues with his talking on the phone.

“Jinja? They said yes? That’s great…Here, I can ask noona…Ah, nae…nae…aigaesahmnida…(I understand)

“Arasso…We’ll see then…”

And the conversations closed.

“Was it Jong Hun?” I ask, looking ahead.

“Oh” He answers. I turn to him. “Was it Soyogi? Your ringtone?”

He nods. I smile. “You must be loving her that so much”

He remains silent.

“So…was she there at the BOTB? She must have guesed it too…”

He shakes his head. I look at him, feeling actually quit sorry for him. “Wae? Why wasn’t she?”

He looks ahead, “She couldn’t come…some family issues…”

“Oh…” I say. “I was waiing to see her...Anyway” I look at him. “You guys made it to the semies, right?”

He nods. “Ha Ra told you?”

I shake my head. “No…I knew you will…if you did not with Soyogi, I’d have killed myself…”

He nods. And soon we drown in the heart breaking silence once more. But fortunately, it doesn’t go on for long.

The door of the theatre suddenly opens, giving me a heart attack, we both get up on our feet, and soon, Doctor Kim walks out. I hurry towards him, my heart beating crazily, anxiety has again over taken me.

“Doctor…” I say breathlessly as a pair of nurses walks out. “How is he…?”

Relief sweeps through me, I feel like I just won the whole world when a smile spreads across his face.

“We did it Miss Lee! The surgery was a success! Your brother will be back to normal”

My whole world starts turning around, as though I’m an all new person. I did it! I actually saved my brother! I made my parents’ dreams come true!

Without my awreness, tears start rolling down my cheeks. I really do feel like hugging Doctor Byeol, and if I really could, I will…

“Doctor…I don’t know what to say…” I whisper, my whole body running cold with utter happiness. This is the biggest achievement that I’ve made in my life…I finally gave a life to my ever loved brother…I have served him back the way he needed to be served…but one…

“But doctor…” I hear my voice say. “I’m sorry, I still haven’t collected enough money-,”

It’s Won Bin’s voice which makes me stop talking. We both turn to him as he approaches me.

“The money…” He says, in a deep, urgent voice. “We will find it for you…”

“How?” I ask, tears rolling down my cheeks. He walks to me and instead of answering me, he speaks to doctor Kim. “Doctor, can you give us until the end of the day tomorrow? We promise we will pay the relevant amount by then...”

“Won Bin…” I whisper, unable to figure out what he’s talking about.

“Very well then…” Doctor Kim says with a smile. “I see your friend here has settled things out for you…”

“But-?”

Doctor Kim gives me a smile. “Thank him Lee Joone…he’s doing a great help for you…pay some gratitude...”

But I don’t know how. I don’t know how I can serve him back for doing all of this for me. I can’t figure out a way that I can help him back for doing all this for me. So that leaves me with only one option. I walk to him, throw both my hands around him, bury my face in his chest and cry. I cry and cry all my happiness into him, for how long I don’t know. What I really know is, his hands are around mine, his face is against my hair, and that he’s whispering in my ear over and over again,

“We did it Lee Joone…don’t cry…we finally did it…”

And at that moment it occurs to me…his simple words, his very presence, and the warmth that he’s giving me…that’s all I need…and he will always make me happy…all the time…