You Can Say I'm a Mess Now.
C ø n t e m p l a † i o n
Seungho’s pov.
It was one week before __ was leaving. I had the feeling all of this mess was the cause of her deciding without much more hesitation. I just got home from hanging out with a few friends. I unlocked the door with my spare key and threw my jacket on the sofa. “___! Yahh, I’m hoommee.” No answer. I sat on the couch and took the nearest magazine and began to read it with no interest. I felt unsteady. __ should’ve been home. Maybe she finally decided to go out. She was getting too pale. I gave another call. “__! Are you home?” I waited for a response. Seconds passed. There was still no answer. I grew curious and checked her room. None of the guys were home. They had all gone out to do their own things. It was best they weren’t together anyways, there have been too many arguments about __ lately. I peeked into her room. She wasn’t there. Her bed was neatly clean and straightened. The chair that was usually pushed to a random corner in the room was tucked in to the table. All her papers and pencils were stacked and put to its original spot. Her curtains were flung open to let the sunlight seep into her room brightening the whole place. “Did she go out to see Jiyong?” I wondered proceeding into the kitchen. And then I saw her. Sitting against the dishwasher. She sat crossed legged on the cold marble floor. Her head was tilted upwards, her hair put out of her face. Her eyes were closed as if she were asleep. In her hand she held a cutting knife that she had taken out of the knife drawer which was left open. She held the knife with a steady grip slowly cutting at her other wrist. __ had already begun doing so before I had come, revealing a whole bloody ground. Her t shirt was stained with red, and more red dripped from her arm. “Y-YAH! What- What are you doing?!” I ran towards her and knelt down taking the knife from her and examining her arm. I gingerly turned her arm around and inspected her exposed skin to see if she cut anywhere else. I shook her shoulders lightly. “Yah. YAH. What the hell?! Are you trying to lose all your blood?! Do you really want to die like this?!” She shrugged. “It felt good.” she said weakly. I looked at my hands. They were all dirtied with blood. I grabbed a towel and soaked it with some water and began to dab her face and arm from the blood. I took her face. She seemed devoid of emotion. A tear fell from her right eye. “Don’t do that ever again. The one time we leave you alone and you do this. Stop. No more.” I said sternly. We were silent for a few minutes.
“Seungho, is it best that I leave?” she asked changing the subject. I gave it some thought at first. “Truthfully, we all really want you to stay. If you stayed, maybe things would be back to normal. But we accept that you want to leave.” She gave a small nod and looked at her arm. It was a mess. “How am I supposed to hide this from anyone. Seungho-ah, you weren’t supposed to come in here...” she trailed off trying to take the knife back. I slapped her hand away. “Yah! Don’t do this to yourself!” I shouted. She gave up and fell into my arms. Surprisingly she wasn’t crying, only cringing. “I can’t even cry anymore.”
Thunder’s pov.
I walked steadily to Jiyong’s house. “This is for __..” I kept repeating to myself. I took a deep breath as I neared the entrance, taking slow steps up the staircase. I waited for a second and contemplated whether to leave or ring the doorbell. My index finger was an inch away from the doorbell and then I pulled away. “Aish... what if he gets into a fight with me like last time...” I thought aloud. I turned back and shook it off. “For __.. I’m more worried about her than myself.” I finally concluded and rang the doorbell. The mahogany door opened letting in a breeze of air. Jiyong stood there, a look of unenthusiasm. He was holding onto a small book, a sketch book maybe? His other hand held the door and a pencil with his fingers. “Oh, it’s you.” he said beginning to close the door. I stopped him and held the door open. “Look, it’s about your sister. I don’t know if you actually care about her or not, but she’s not eating. She hasn’t been eating for a week. And I don’t think she’s actually not hungry.” I said with such concern and sternness. Jiyong gave me a glare of disbelief. Bam. The door shut close, and Jiyong was gone.
It was one week before __ was leaving. I had the feeling all of this mess was the cause of her deciding without much more hesitation. I just got home from hanging out with a few friends. I unlocked the door with my spare key and threw my jacket on the sofa. “___! Yahh, I’m hoommee.” No answer. I sat on the couch and took the nearest magazine and began to read it with no interest. I felt unsteady. __ should’ve been home. Maybe she finally decided to go out. She was getting too pale. I gave another call. “__! Are you home?” I waited for a response. Seconds passed. There was still no answer. I grew curious and checked her room. None of the guys were home. They had all gone out to do their own things. It was best they weren’t together anyways, there have been too many arguments about __ lately. I peeked into her room. She wasn’t there. Her bed was neatly clean and straightened. The chair that was usually pushed to a random corner in the room was tucked in to the table. All her papers and pencils were stacked and put to its original spot. Her curtains were flung open to let the sunlight seep into her room brightening the whole place. “Did she go out to see Jiyong?” I wondered proceeding into the kitchen. And then I saw her. Sitting against the dishwasher. She sat crossed legged on the cold marble floor. Her head was tilted upwards, her hair put out of her face. Her eyes were closed as if she were asleep. In her hand she held a cutting knife that she had taken out of the knife drawer which was left open. She held the knife with a steady grip slowly cutting at her other wrist. __ had already begun doing so before I had come, revealing a whole bloody ground. Her t shirt was stained with red, and more red dripped from her arm. “Y-YAH! What- What are you doing?!” I ran towards her and knelt down taking the knife from her and examining her arm. I gingerly turned her arm around and inspected her exposed skin to see if she cut anywhere else. I shook her shoulders lightly. “Yah. YAH. What the hell?! Are you trying to lose all your blood?! Do you really want to die like this?!” She shrugged. “It felt good.” she said weakly. I looked at my hands. They were all dirtied with blood. I grabbed a towel and soaked it with some water and began to dab her face and arm from the blood. I took her face. She seemed devoid of emotion. A tear fell from her right eye. “Don’t do that ever again. The one time we leave you alone and you do this. Stop. No more.” I said sternly. We were silent for a few minutes.
“Seungho, is it best that I leave?” she asked changing the subject. I gave it some thought at first. “Truthfully, we all really want you to stay. If you stayed, maybe things would be back to normal. But we accept that you want to leave.” She gave a small nod and looked at her arm. It was a mess. “How am I supposed to hide this from anyone. Seungho-ah, you weren’t supposed to come in here...” she trailed off trying to take the knife back. I slapped her hand away. “Yah! Don’t do this to yourself!” I shouted. She gave up and fell into my arms. Surprisingly she wasn’t crying, only cringing. “I can’t even cry anymore.”
Thunder’s pov.
I walked steadily to Jiyong’s house. “This is for __..” I kept repeating to myself. I took a deep breath as I neared the entrance, taking slow steps up the staircase. I waited for a second and contemplated whether to leave or ring the doorbell. My index finger was an inch away from the doorbell and then I pulled away. “Aish... what if he gets into a fight with me like last time...” I thought aloud. I turned back and shook it off. “For __.. I’m more worried about her than myself.” I finally concluded and rang the doorbell. The mahogany door opened letting in a breeze of air. Jiyong stood there, a look of unenthusiasm. He was holding onto a small book, a sketch book maybe? His other hand held the door and a pencil with his fingers. “Oh, it’s you.” he said beginning to close the door. I stopped him and held the door open. “Look, it’s about your sister. I don’t know if you actually care about her or not, but she’s not eating. She hasn’t been eating for a week. And I don’t think she’s actually not hungry.” I said with such concern and sternness. Jiyong gave me a glare of disbelief. Bam. The door shut close, and Jiyong was gone.
Update!~~ Thank you guys for commenting and all :3 I hope you like the new chapter!~ :DD hehe I might double update today just for the sake of it ; u ;
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