--- 7.24 ---

Birthday girl, Hammie :D                       JiRa 4th year anniversary ^.^

#HaYeonJingDay

HaYeon forever relevant xd

[D.H.A.B. #17]

As I saw Kikwang and Luhan in the school backyard I was alarmed. It seemed that since their infamous talk they spent a lot of time together. It was more of Kikwang sticking around Luhan and I didn't like it. I didn't like him having anything to do with that monster. I wondered what was happening, what was he planning. Whatever it was I couldn't let him do anything to Luhan. I had to stop it.

Without realizing it I already reached them and grabbed Kikwang's arm. He looked up to me with his eyes wide open but I just pulled him off his seat and started dragging him away. From the corner of my eyes I saw Luhan standing up surprised. He was about to follow us but I turned to him and motioned him to stay on his spot.

" Listen to me " I muttered as I stopped on my tracks and pushed him strongly against the wall. He stumbled and gasped taken aback by my strenght and confidence. With my clenched teeth I told him to stay away from Luhan.

A smirk appeared on his face. That smirk. Just God knew how much I hated it. He asked me since when I turned to be that protective and since when I started to care about anyone else beside myself. He then shook his head and said that he considered Luhan his rival.

WTF?? No No No!! I grabbed him by his collar and gave him the most threatening look I could give. Anger running through my body that I could've killed him right in that moment. I started panting surprised by how much hatred I could feel towards just one person. My hands started to shake as I tightened my grip making it hard for him to breathe. He was struggling and I was enjoying it.

Kikwang was unpredictable and dangerous. He has abused of me and my patience for too long. I beard with him and played at his stupid games. I reached my limits a long time ago but I still let him pass. I couldn't let him pass anymore. Not now that he was dragging Luhan in.

I saw a glimpse of fear in his eyes. He knew in that moment that I wasn't kidding and that I could've really done the unthinkable. I wondered why Luhan and not my actual boyfriend Lay but I quickly found the answer. People like Jiyoung, Seungyeon and  now Kikwang had a different impression of Luhan and I together.

" Leave him alone " I spelled each word carefully making it clear for him that I was serious and that he'd have regretted it if he didn't listen to me. He reached for my hands and freed himself. He fixed his shirt and cleared his throat before " Fine.. if it's that important to you... but I'd like to spend some time with you "

That was a compromise. What a compromise.. I knew about his compromises. I knew them well and I didn't want to be involved in them anymore but if that would've kept him from Luhan.... I heaved out a very deep sigh and nodded. I quickly shoved him off though when I saw Lay from afar. He didn't like what he just saw and raised his brows giving me a questioning look.


She made her way to him in a fast pace. She climbed on his neck and said something before pressing her lips on his. That hit me hard that I had to turn away. When I looked back Lay was smiling already and there I realized that she won once again.

It would be better if Lay stopped acting jealous and pressuring her about Kikwang. There wasn't anything to worry about him after all. She said it many times already. If he continued that way he was just going to piss her off.

The other day Nicole and I were watching TV at home when she started asking me about the talk I had with her ex. I tried to refuse answering but hey that was Nicole and I couldn't win. I told her that Kikwang was still in love with her and wanted her back. She gave me an understanding nod and gave out a helpless sigh before turning to me and looking at my eyes straightly " Between us it's over.. "

She said that it was fine for her to be friends with him after the break up. When his parents died she has been with him to help him, to support him because she was the only person he could rely on but now that he has fully recovered and also seemed to regain his old self.... she made it clear that she didn't want to have anything to do with him anymore.

That's why I just shrugged off the talk I had with Kikwang. It was meaningless. He considered me as his rival but I just looked at him as someone to keep away from Nicole. Not because I was afraid they could get back together but because I didn't want to risk to see him hurting her.

I could restrain myself from showing my feelings for her openly and pretending for her to be with me only. As long as she was being treated nicely I could watch her with another man. She went through a lot and deserved to be happy. If she was happy, I was fine. But that thought of her being hurt, I couldn't stand it.

I loved Nicole. Hell yeah how much I loved her.. every single thing about her: seeing her trademark smirk and her rare sweet smiles, her blank expressions; listening to her witty response and blunt remarks. They were all things that I learned to love and I was actually always looking forward to them.

My chest tightened at the thought of us being so close yet so far. I rubbed my chest carefully and inhaled/exhaled deeply. She was fine with how things between us were. She wanted to leave them as they were.  What could I do if not accepting the hard truth? I will be here, always. Watching over her, taking care of her.

---cCc---

" Forever.. "

" ..and ever " I continued unconsciously recalling our past.

As the compromise he made I had to spend some time with him and that was the day. I wondered where could he take me or what could he do to me but I had no fear at all. He has already done everything he could to me already.

Unexpectedly he brought me to an old park. It was the one where we used to hang out a lot at the beginning of our relationship. I smiled bitterly at all the memories running through my mind. We indeed made a lot of memories together. Both good and bad ones. At first everything was rainbow and unicorns. We were young and different. We liked the thought of being like two fairytale characters but fairytales just existed in books.

We were sitting on a bench. It was the one we were sitting on our first anniversary. I clearly remember how I gasped surprised and the  widest smile curved on my face when he opened the box with the ring on it. He quickly put it on my finger and wrapped me in his arms before giving me a sweet soft kiss on my cheek.

As I looked around I also found the locket we left there. It still had our initials on it " Forever and ever " we whispered sincerely at that time. We often planned out our future: how perfect our wedding was going to be, how beautifully my dress was going to fit me and how many lovely kids we were going to have. We promised each other to spend the rest of our lives together. All of those memories were clearly stamped in my mind. I could describe them in every single detail.. but they were just memories.

" Why can't it be like that again? " I snapped out of my daze when I heard him speaking softly. I tilted my head and saw some kind of sadness, pain in his eyes. I gave out a deep sigh before telling him that many things have changed, the two of us included. I finished making it clear for him that between us was over and he had to accept it.

" I can't help it.. I love you and I will always do. Just the thought of you being with someone else drives me nuts " his voice was low and hard almost like he was forcing it to come out.

" Accept that I'm with Lay "

" Do you love him? " I bit my lower lip caught off-guard by such a sudden question. I knew that he noticed that glimpse of surprise and reluctantness in my eyes. He didn't wait for me to say anything and answered himself with a no. I didn't love Lay he said as he gave me a knowing look. He said that I just cared for him but it was definitely a care that didn't have love.

I was supposed to say anything, to fight back that he was wrong but deep inside of me.. I knew he was freaking right. Maybe I still needed time, maybe I wasn't ready to love yet but fact was that he was right. Just then I asked myself if I could ever love someone like I loved Kikwang in the past. Could I ever feel the same thing for someone else, eventually something more? I felt quite dumb and ridiculous for such a question but an image appeared.. I quickly shook my head as I tried to brush it off.


As he was about to stop the engine we saw Lay coming out. Damn.. I  muttered.

" This is going to be fun " I heard Kikwang smirking. I turned to him and gave him an evil glare before getting off and ordering him to leave. He was about to resist but I dropped my fist on the hood of the car strongly and that's how he drove off after wishing me luck. Yeah luck. I needed it a lot.

Lay saw me and made his way to me with his brows knitted " What does it mean? " he asked with a tone of jealousy. I knew he wasn't going to believe whatever I was going to say.

" Why can't you just trust me? Why so insecure? " I blurted annoyed. I knew that he just saw me getting off Kikwang's car. Kikwang who still loved me and wanted to get back with me. But I couldn't stand the fact that he didn't believe in me. I said it many times that he didn't have to worry because between us was really over. I found it annoying as hell and these scenes of jealousy weren't for me. Always being asked the same questions, being suspected: ridiculous and definitely not a thing of mine.

He pulled me into his hug and told me that he trusted me but he couldn't help but being insecure " Luhan knows stuff about you that I don't, whenever I tell you I love you, you keep quiet " I looked up at his face which was just an inch from mine.

What he said was true. I indeed kept things from him and never answered his I love you. As I caressed his  cheek I explained to him that I wasn't ready to say those words yet. He knew what kind of relationship I was in before and he had to understand that it wasn't easy for me to face a new one.

Deep inside of me I felt really dumb. What was that scene? I felt like a real drama queen but I had to. Indeed after that he smiled and hugged me tighter before pressing his lips on my forehead. He apologized for his burst of jealousy and reassured me that he was going to wait until I was ready to tell him I loved him back.

A satisfied grin curved on my face secretly. Once again I did it. I wasn't making a fool out of him.. well, maybe a little but I really cared for him. I really did. It was just that I didn't feel like I loved him, yet?


When she walked in she found me standing at the door and gave me a did-you-eavesdrop look " Is everything Ok? " I asked softly. She nodded even if her expression said something else " But I can't wait to leave tomorrow "

4 the lovely readers who are still following this story --

CR: owner