Deter

Written in the Wind of Whimsy

Prompt 20: Deter min. 100 words

 

First story:

 

Sitting unobtrusively drinking a fresh squeezed orange juice, she listens in on the conversations. She observes their facial expressions and body languages. They all look so happy. Sometimes a laughter would ring around them. It’s so obvious that Jaejoong can’t conceal the joy written on his face. She doesn’t have the heart to deter him from going.  They’re working on their new album and plan to have a concert in Japan.  She bites her lower lip to stop herself from speaking, and tries to breathe slowly. She closes her eyes to stop her tears from falling.

 

Second story:

 

The light is out in her bedroom, and only the light of her tablet illuminating her face. She’s reclining on her pillows, her legs straight, and  she’s holding the tablet propped up on her thighs. She’s doing her favorite pastime watching Jaejoong sing on YouTube on full screen with her headset on. She has lost count on how many times she saw him sing. She has never seen him perform live, not because she doesn’t want to, but she never had the chance. If that chance came, she will not be deterred by anything from going.

 

Third story:

 

She finds comfort with his singing and acting. Many times he comforted her, especially when her world was shaken so badly, Jaejoong was the only one that stopped the world from turning completely upside down. She only wishes to be able to take his hand, be able to hug him and sing to him to comfort him, but he doesn’t even know that she exists. She is a faceless and nameless entity that’s from a different world from him. She is glad that people or circumstances did not deter him from fulfilling his dream of becoming an artist.

 

 

 

Writer's Note: Each story has 100 words each.

 
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Buffalohighschool18 #1
Chapter 3: I miss them all
dream_keeper88
#2
Chapter 24: Aya! This plot could be expanded into a trilogy! ^-^ This could serve as the outline. Nyahaha! I'll beta for you, if you decide to work on this :3
dream_keeper88
#3
Chapter 20: I like that you were consistent with the mood/tone. It's melancholic. Even her thinking what to eat had a wistful note to it. I actually liked that part between them the most.

Just a few things to re-consider. The first line is a set of phrases and it didn't go well with the rest of the sentences. Perhaps you can do without that line and keep us guessing what's going on than dropping the bomb of leaving the military from the beginning. Try reading it without it and the flow is much better plus his thoughts alone give us a hint on what is going on. Why wouldn't a South Korean male artist not be able to stage right? I am not comfortable writing in present tense, although I have fics using this tense but I can say it worked here. You forgot "full" next to "chock". Chock alone gives a different meaning. And "long blink" was repeated more than twice within a few words in between but I have no synonyms for it.

Keep writing :D
SoshiSaranghae
#4
Chapter 20: That...That was so touching. *wipes tear*
kpopartory
#5
Thanks for the advice, I do appreciate it.
kpopartory
#6
lolol
found my own story in the random story
May 8, 2012
kpopartory
#7
Thank you, for the comment.
I've been thinking about it, and don't know how I'd approach it.
So, I will have to leave it as is for the meantime.